08/03/2014 EastEnders Omnibus

SIREN WAILS OUTSIDE

-Mum?

-Mm?

You seen the thermometer that Pat had?

Bathroom cabinet, second shelf down. Why, what do you need it for?

Tiff says she's running a fever. Like I need that today.

By the way, Sonia texted.

Said she's going to pop in and wish you good luck for the gene test results.

Right.

All right, then.

Liam, will you get a move on?

DOOR BELL RINGS

Someone get that?

-Billy.

-Bianca in?

Come in, why don't you(?)

She's upstairs, mate. Did you want her?

Yeah, I'm the nugget fairy.

-You what?

-I'm doing a drop-off for Big Mo. Bag of nuggets.

-Bianca knows all about it.

-She's upstairs, mate. I was just taking this tea up to Carol.

Thing is, I got a stack of other deliveries

-and this layer's already getting soggy.

-How much?

These are a fiver. Apparently she owes a fiver for last week.

Not being funny, mate, but if she's going to feed the kids nuggets, she'll have to pay for 'em herself.

I'll just get her purse.

Bianca! Billy's here - the nugget fairy.

-Morgan, where's your mum keep her purse?

-In that drawer.

-Right.

Yay, chicken nuggets!

You wouldn't be cheering if you knew what they put inside those things.

Like what?

"Like what?" she says. Try looking it up.

How come you're here? Where's Mo?

-She's got a big job lot on, so she got me to split the round with her.

-Did she get any chips?

No, got some lovely fish fingers though, if they're any good to you?

How's your mum?

As well as can be expected.

Well, you tell her that we're all thinking of her.

Oh, and I got message for you. Kat might be a little bit late

on the stall today on account of it being Alfie's 50th.

How does that make Kat late?

He's got the right hump about it, so Mo's arranged for him

-and Kat to have a little lie-in together, if you know what I mean.

-Mm!

Bianca - you got another couple of quid anywhere?

-Two ticks.

-No worries.

6, 7, 8.20... I've only got £8.20.

-Have you got any more?

-Yeah.

Stick that in your gob. We'll have to raid the electric jar.

It's there. Will you get it for me?

-Bianca, you really shouldn't be doing this.

-What?

-Feeding 'em that rubbish.

-They like it.

Where's that £50 I put in there?

How quickly do you think I spend £50 on these kids?

-Oh, leave it - I'll pay for it.

-Thank you.

-As normal.

You owe me.

Oh, blimey.

Where am I going to get a baby-sitter at this short notice?

-Are you all right?

-See you, Billy.

Here you are. How are we doing?

It's not necessarily going to be bad news, is it?

I just want to go, thanks.

We'll be early but if that's what you want...

-I look ridiculous.

-To me you will always...

No. Don't, David, please.

I know you're trying to be kind, but don't...

I'll see you downstairs.

-Phil, we're going to be late.

-Two minutes.

If we don't get a move on, it's hardly going to be worth it.

DENNIS PLAYS NOISY GAME

-Oh, you are joking me.

-PHONE RINGS

-You're the one spent three hours in the bathroom.

-Don't answer that.

Hello.

Hang on a sec, will ya?

Dennis, do me a favour, turn that down?

-Did you get the letter I sent you?

-What letter?

The one with the articles of association.

-I forwarded it to you last week.

-Listen, can this wait?

I've promised Sharon I'd give the new bar a once-over.

-Is she with you now?

-Yeah, why?

-Might be better to take this in another room.

-Hang on.

-You go ahead. I'll catch you up.

-Why did I know this would happen?

Two minutes, all right? I'll catch you up.

Come on. Put it down. Let's go. Two minutes.

She's gone. What's the problem?

Here you go.

Do you want your present now or later?

Nan's worried about us.

That's why she's taken Tommy to nursery.

So me and you could have had a lie-in.

Are you not going to open them?

What do you want me to do?

I want you to go back to the police and tell 'em the truth.

-I can't do that.

-What is Alice - what is she? 20, 21?

By the time she gets out, she's going to be in her mid-30s.

How could you do that, Kat? How could you do that to anyone? Eh?

Nan's offered to baby-sit tonight so you and me can go out.

I'll make some excuse up, shall I?

What, and tell a lie? Surely not.

See you later.

-How about fish fingers?

-Mo, I run a high quality restaurant.

We don't have fish fingers on the menu.

I was thinking the caff. Nursery's bought some.

Well, they can poison their kids, but I'd like to keep my customers.

-Now go on, sling your hook.

-Cheers(!)

-Go on.

Well?

I don't want an abortion.

All right, who's going to look after it while you're at school?

These things don't feed themselves.

And who's going to pay for everything?

I'm going to be sick.

Don't think you're getting a day off either.

You are being really hard on her.

I can't send her back to her gran's while she's pregnant. What does that say about me?

What are you doing?

Looking up clinics. God knows how much that's going to cost.

-She can't go to school like this.

-Lucy, whose side are you on?

Shouting at her isn't going to get you anywhere. Just let me talk to her.

Well, whilst you're talking to her, find out who the father is, so I can send him the bill.

We'll be thinking of you, Mum.

-I've got a feeling everything's going to work out just fine.

-Did you sort out a baby-sitter?

Yeah, Lola's doing it. Phone us, yeah, soon as you hear anything.

Come on, are we going or not?

Yeah. OK.

-Good luck.

-Yeah.

-See you, girls.

How are you feeling?

Terrified. Ain't you?

Same.

It says in the plans "floorboards". This is laminate.

Take 'em back. Get 'em changed, please.

-Well, that was a long two minutes.

-Where's Dennis?

He's gone. We ran into some other mums and they took him.

-Are we going in or what?

-We can't. The floor's ripped out.

Looks a right tip, innit?

I was hoping for a bit of encouragement.

That was Ritchie on the phone. She's read the contract.

Our partnership agreement.

I know what you did, Sharon.

Phil! >

We'll talk about this later.

You might have mentioned you were coming home. Where's your sister?

Did you not get my messages?

I've got stacks of messages.

So you don't know?

Has something happened to Ronnie?

She's all right now.

-What do you mean "now"?

-Can we just go back to the house?

-My arms are dropping off.

-Is she still in Ibiza, then?

We just need to get Amy to bed, don't we?

Because you're tired cos we had a six-hour delay.

So let's just... come on.

Get your bags. Let's go.

That way, Amy. Go.

OK? See you.

-I'm really grateful for this, Lola.

-Don't be. I really need the money.

Lexi's down to her last nappy and I ain't getting me benefits till Thursday.

-Where is she?

-Pops has got her now.

Right. I've left some tea and coffee out.

She ain't had no breakfast, so there's some food in the freezer.

-You gonna be all right?

-Just go.

-Cheers.

-Tiff, I'll see you this afternoon, yeah?

-Bye.

-If you need anything, phone me on my mobile. Don't let her take the mick.

-See you.

So what are you up to?

Finding out what's in chicken nuggets.

-Any news on your mum?

-Still a long way to go.

Once you get to a certain age, you'd think it wouldn't matter.

-What wouldn't?

-Losing your bazookas.

-But tell that to Fat Elvis.

-Mo!

Oh, hello... I'll see you.

Ian, we must stop meeting like this.

-What did she want?

-Dropped off the fish fingers.

-What? Did you pay her?

-Yeah.

Stop sticking your nose in my business!

-Mo!

-Morning. Enjoy your little lie-in, did ya?

-Alfie enjoy his birthday treat?

-Who you been talking to?

Or is he past that now he's 50?

-Your sister's an idiot, you know that?

-Oi, you, don't talk to her like that.

It's all right. I can fight me own battles. What's the matter?

She's just bought a load of dodgy fish fingers off her nan with my money.

My sister might not be able to concentrate on account

of my mum going to hospital to get her test results today, all right?

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Present for you.

Since when did I read stuff like this?

It's only a bit of fun.

I thought you might like it.

Weddings aren't a marriage.

Very few people seem to realise that.

Well, that was a fiver down the Swanee.

-You don't fancy a Jane Austen-themed wedding, then?

-No.

What about a 1950s one?

I could have a drape coat, a big quiff.

You could have petticoats and a little ponytail. What do you reckon?

Like I'm going to be able to have a ponytail any time soon.

It would give you something to look forward to.

That's all I'm thinking.

Right now I can't think further ahead than the next 15 minutes.

It's Max. Wants to know where I am.

I forgot to let him know.

Carol?

-Is it all right if my friend sits in with me?

-Yes, of course.

I'm her fiance, actually. David Wicks.

-Sian. Take a seat.

-Thanks.

Well?

It's not good news, I'm afraid.

Right now it's not even a baby - it's a foetus.

It's about that big.

-It'll be over really, really quick.

-How do you know?

-How do you think I know?

-Really?

Why?

Because I knew I couldn't cope.

And before you ask, it wasn't Dad's decision - it was mine.

You know what having a baby means?

While your friends are out having fun, you're going to be stuck in, changing nappies and stuff.

I mean, babies don't take care of themselves.

They need food and they need clothing.

And they cost a lot of money.

I'm not you, though.

And I'm keeping it.

Are you going to tell us what's going on or what?

-We got deported. Well, Ronnie did.

-What?

Not officially, but it was either leave the island or the cops were going to press charges.

What charges?

The first three weeks, she barely gets out of bed at all.

Amy's absolutely petrified of her.

So there's me, sitting on a beach - a cold beach - all day,

every day with a five-year-old, building sodding sand castles.

I thought I was going out of my mind.

So I said to her, "Ron, I want to go home," and she freaks out.

"What are you talking about? This is your home."

-And I'm like, what?

-What were the charges?

-That was only Friday. Friday. I've had two months of this.

-Just get to the point, will ya?

OK. So, Friday night...

I sort out a baby-sitter

and I get her out for a drink.

What?

We ended up in this bar, right, on the harbour.

She's been in a filthy mood all night

and this guy gets chatting to her.

Local. Perfectly pleasant bloke, right?

All of a sudden she starts screaming her head off like she's totally lost it.

She picks up a tequila bottle, she smashes it on the bar

and she shoves it right up into his face.

-Why?

-Because she says he touched her up. But I was there.

I saw it. He put his arm round her - that's all he did -

and she goes nuts.

Anyway, it turns out this guy is an off-duty cop.

Next thing, she's in handcuffs

and she's being dragged down the station.

-Then what?

-All right, but get this - next morning,

me and Amy are waiting outside the station for her.

She comes out with a massive grin on her face like nothing's happened.

Anyway, she said the cops are leaning on her

so we've got to go home. And we did.

-And where is she now?

-Said she had things to do.

-What things?

-I don't know. I don't care, Phil. I've had it with her.

I have. All right. If I never see her again, it'll be too soon.

DOOR BELL RINGS

That'll be Ritchie. Let her in, Rox, will ya?

Phil, we're having a conversation here!

Yeah, and I need a quick chat with Sharon.

So what's Ritchie doing here?

Let's stop the pretending, shall we, Sharon?

So everybody on here has to be tested as well?

Your children and your siblings first,

and if they prove positive, then their children too.

But it's entirely up to them.

And again, I must emphasise at every stage,

-there's only a 50% chance.

-Why do the men have to tested?

Because they can get breast cancer as well, David. I explained that.

Along with an increased risk of prostate cancer.

So do I have to tell them?

We can offer support, but, yes, I'm afraid so.

Well, that's something to look forward to, ain't it.

And my other breast?

As I say, there's a significant risk of another tumour.

So that's a double mastectomy now?

You don't have to make a decision about that today.

And my ovaries?

You can of course elect for regular screenings but in my experience...

What about my daughters? Do they have to go through the same thing?

Only if they prove positive. Then they can discuss the options.

Just admit it. You were trying to stitch me up.

I thought I was being practical.

-By naming yourself as sole director? Do me a favour.

-Phil, please.

If you fall out over this now, it doesn't bode well for the future.

You both want to make a success of this business, I assume?

-Well, let's just agree that it was an honest mistake on Sharon's part.

-Thank you.

Phil's asked me to have the articles redrawn,

naming you both as company directors.

I assume you're happy with that, Sharon?

If you'd like to sign where I've marked in pencil.

Thanks.

-OK.

-Where are you going?

Someone's messed up with the flooring. I need to sort it out.

Or should we convene a company board meeting first?

-You don't trust her, do you?

-No.

So why, then?

That's my business.

So long as you know what you're doing.

PHONE RINGS

-You all right?

-I've been trying to phone her. Just keeps going to voice mail.

So much for never wanting to see her again.

-I'll send you a beautiful bouquet.

-Nice try!

All right.

Please, let me.

-OK?

-Yeah. OK.

It's changed, ain't it? Where's all the filthy ashtrays gone?

And I used to love that jukebox over there. Shame, ain't it?

-Not now, David.

-Here. Eat something.

-I don't want it.

How am I going to tell them?

That's what we're here to talk about.

You all right?

I need to go to the loo. Sorry.

So she hasn't eaten anything?

If you knew what was in them nuggets, trust me, you wouldn't either.

The temperature's gone. What's the matter with nuggets all of a sudden?

I didn't know what was in them before.

Right, Bianca, I'm off. If I could just grab my money.

She's always loved nuggets. What have you said to her?

Nothing. I swear. Can I just have my money, please?

I've got a tenner's worth of 'em that I'm not gonna eat now. So you can have that as payment.

-Nuggets ain't gonna buy me nappies!

-Whatever, Lola.

I've just spoke to Tiff. She looked it up on the internet.

-Go after her.

-I will, OK. I will.

In a minute. She's still not picking up.

I'm going to have to phone my dad's phone.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, darling.

-Is my mum still with you?

-Um, she's nipped to the loo, sweetheart.

-We've stopped for a coffee on our way home.

-Only she said she'd phone.

Me and Sonia are doing our nuts here.

Well, she's shaken up a bit, but she's fine.

Nothing to worry about.

What, like, NOTHING to worry about?

I promise, darling. I'll tell you all about it when we get back.

Thanks, Dad. That's great news! See you later.

Ta-ta, darling.

Was that Bianca?

He said it's nothing to worry about!

Hello? Roxy?

Hi.

Where've you been?

Oh, well, I had some things to do, and...

Aleks, is it? Aleks here -

this is Aleks, everyone - he very kindly helped me with my bags.

Sorry, do I know you?

Should you?

Are you sisters?

Yeah, we're sisters.

Let me give you something for your troubles...

-No, no, no.

-Are you sure?

-My pleasure.

Thanks. See ya.

I know you're angry with me and I don't blame you.

New outfit? Suits you.

Thank you, Phil.

So what have you been doing all this time?

I've been buying the gym.

TV PLAYS

Any joy?

I've tried. I don't know what else I to say.

Did she say anything about who the father is?

No, she's playing dumb.

Right, I get it.

You want to keep the baby but you don't want to say who the father is.

That's fine.

Cindy, I've tried to help you.

If you don't want that, that's OK with me.

But you're not going to carry on living under my roof.

Cos you are not my responsibility. All right?

So get yourself upstairs, pack your bags, get on the tube to Paddington,

go to the ticket office and book yourself a single to Plymouth.

Do you understand?

Make me.

-OK, who's ready for their presents?

-Me!

This one is for...

Uncle Phil.

That is the one you like, isn't it?

Yeah, thanks.

Listen, I'm going to pop out for a bit. Something I need to do.

And this one's for Sharon. Go on.

Oh, Amy, look what I got for you...

-It used to be my favourite when I was little.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-Since when did I wear crimson lipstick?

-I thought you should try experimenting.

Roxy...

This one's for your mummy, and it comes with a big sorry.

I hope you like it.

And - did you think I'd forgotten you, Denny?

No. I got you this.

Is that the right game for your machine?

-Yeah, thanks!

-Let me see.

Denny doesn't like violent games.

It's not exactly violent. It's more like Tom and Jerry.

And I'm telling you he don't like violent games.

Don't worry, darling, Ronnie can take this back

and Mummy will get you something else. Did you keep the receipt?

Amy, shall we go upstairs and read your book on our own?

Yeah? Come on.

DOOR SLAMS

Are you not going to open it?

You think this is going to make me feel better, do you?

-I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

-Yes, you do.

What do you think's going to happen when Carol finds out?

Didn't you get a card from Spencer and Vicky? The one with the Australian stamp on it?

Yeah, it was just some advertising rubbish - I chucked it.

That's it. Quick, quick, quick, go on, go on.

Yes!

Roxy told us all about you being arrested.

Said you went completely nuts.

-'Come on!'

-Don't you think he should be upstairs?

Stop changing the subject.

This guy had his hands all over me.

According to Roxy, he just put his arm round you.

She didn't see everything he did and she didn't hear what he said.

Turning into quite a habit, isn't it? Your violent impulses.

I know about Carl.

There's no point trying to deny it.

Phil's told me the whole story.

GAME BEEPS LOUDLY

-'Yes!'

-Well?

'Come on, come on!'

Can he stop making that noise? It's actually driving me mad!

We've got evidence.

Recognise this? Hm?

I'm not having my son live with a psychopath.

So either you go or I do.

It's just if I go, I'll be taking this with me

and giving it straight to the police.

So what's it going to be?

Sorry, I don't even know what it is that I'm supposed to be looking at.

Carl's phone.

So?

So you killed him.

Just like you nearly killed that copper in Ibiza. You need help.

That might have been true once, all right, but it's not true any more.

You find yourself alone in a prison cell again,

four o'clock in the morning, and you ask yourself questions.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yes, Sharon. "Who am I?"

I mean, really - who am I?

No-one.

I can be whoever it is I want to be.

And do you know what a realisation like that makes me feel?

It makes me feel free.

-You're mad.

-Am I?

Well, I can do what I want right now, then, can't I?

Go on, then, Sharon, call the cops. I dare you.

Just like your father was mad.

What are you waiting for?

Go on, do your worst, see where it gets you!

DOOR OPENS

Amy wanted her bunny.

-Well?

-Well, what? >

-< What's stopping you?!

-You need to see a doctor.

< Notice how you're changing the subject here?

< How dare you speak to me like this in my own home!

-RONNIE:

-Well, we all know why you've come crawling back to Phil.

ARGUMENT CONTINUES FAINTLY IN NEXT ROOM

Phil, something's kicking off.

So, Rox, erm, I'm going to need you out of the house for a bit.

-What?!

-Things are going to be said, and you don't need to hear.

-What sort of things?

-Just things, all right? Now, don't argue, just...

-I'm going to sort it out, OK?

-No, cos Amy needs Bunny, so...

-I'll give Amy her bunny, all right?

-What... Phil!

-Just go! Go.

Why aren't you doing anything, Sharon? I mean, what's stopping you?

Is there a problem?

FRONT DOOR CLOSES

-Why did you pick up the phone?

-I dunno, Carol.

-You didn't have to.

For all Bianca knew, we could still be at the hospital.

Look, I just... I panicked, all right?

And now she's left thinking there's nothing to worry about.

So, dump me. No, seriously, dump me. I know you want to.

You pick up the phone, you see it's Bianca...

I know, I know. I'm an idiot, all right? I'm an idiot.

How's she going to react when she finds out the truth?

-I thought I was protecting her.

-Protecting yourself?

Look, a lousy situation's just got a whole load worse.

How are we going to fix it, eh?

Oh, I'm sorry for taking you for granted.

-Who are you talking to?

-My chesticles.

-Oh, ha-ha!

Do you know, I never realised how much I loved them until now.

Well, Martin'll be relieved.

Do you know what he used to call 'em when we first got together?

-What?

-Pinky and Perky.

-What?

-No, we're... We're just forgetting about Mum.

I mean, it's not over for her yet, is it?

No, but at least she can concentrate on herself

and she's not got to worry about us an' all.

Yeah, you're right. So would we be really bad children if we had a little drink?

-Let's have a look at what she's got here.

-What about this?

Oh, no, I can't have whisky, it's disgusting, it makes me sick.

What's this?!

Ugh! That must be some weird, horrible drink

that Pat brought back from Tenerife or something.

Know what I'm going to do? I am going to go and raid my never-ending

electric tin and get us a little bottle of something to celebrate.

-Lovely.

-What's so funny?

Ooh, mwah! Oh, I love you! I love you so much!

-When's dinner?

-Oh, Son, do me a favour -

stick the oven on and give him a plate of nuggets and chips?

I'll be ten minutes.

What's got into her?

We're just happy, that's all.

HE SIGHS

So I've virtually done a whole day baby-sitting and guess what,

-she didn't even pay me!

-That's not on, is it?

No, it ain't. I feel like chucking a brick through her window,

and I would if it weren't for her kids! And Carol.

Jay, what am I going to tell Pops?

You can't lend me a tenner, could you?

-HE SIGHS

-Oh!

-Oh, here y'are!

-Forget it!

Rox! When did you get back?

You all right?

How was Ibiza?

-Awful.

-Really? Why?

Too long, too complicated.

So you've come to have a little sulk on the swings, have you?

I remember doing that when I was a kid.

I'm not a kid.

Didn't say you was, did I?

Don't stop 'em, though, does it, hmm? Treating you like one.

Who?

Oh, Ronnie, Phil, everyone.

You know something, it don't matter how old you get,

you'll always be the baby of the family.

-And they will always let you know it.

-Stand up to them, then!

Easier said than done.

And it don't help being back in that house.

You got money, why don't you move out?

Cos that'd take, like, mortgages and solicitors and decisions.

And I REALLY can't face it.

Why not? Cos that's the sort of stuff grown-ups do?

Are we going to sit here all day, or are we going to sort this out?

Why don't you ask the rabbit?

I'm not having her living here, Phil.

Don't think I won't go to the police if I have to.

Sharon, no-one is going to go to the police.

-And you can keep your gift.

-Oh...

-I don't want it.

What, am I supposed to be offended, Sharon?

Give it to me.

-What?

-The phone.

-I don't think so.

-Just for safekeeping.

-And why should I trust you?

-You clearly don't.

-Or you wouldn't have tried that stunt of putting yourself in control of the new bar.

-What's that?

It's between me and Sharon.

Now give me the phone or you can kiss goodbye to your bar.

Take this upstairs and give it to Amy.

Me and Ronnie are going to have a little chat.

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

Don't think for one minute this means I'm on your side.

I have never, never understood what you saw in her.

For one thing, I like the fact she stands up to me.

Not a lot of women can do that. Which is why it ain't a good idea to wind her up.

-Because she can be a bit unpredictable.

-She's bluffing.

Maybe. And maybe not.

And that's the other reason I like about Sharon.

You never can tell. Which keeps you on your toes.

Phil, why have you still got the phone?

Dead bodies have a habit of turning up when you least want 'em to.

This one won't.

Call it insurance.

But you just said no-one's going to call the police.

No-one's going to call the police cos you're going to do what Sharon wants and move out.

What? No, I don't think so.

Listen, I'm just being practical, all right? It's the easiest way.

Easiest way for who? For you? Not for me.

My-My sister's here, my niece is here...

I've heard all about your holiday,

so don't try and play the family card on me, all right?

She still here?

-Just give me a couple of minutes.

-Is she leaving or isn't she?

-We're trying to sort it out, all right?!

-Fine.

Denny!

What are you doing?

He's not living here with her. You'll see me when you see me.

-Denny, put your toothbrush and your PJs in your school bag and come down now, please.

-Where are you going?

-None of your business.

-I'm talking her round. Give me a chance, will ya?

Like you said, Phil, I don't trust you. Denny!

Sharon, promise me you ain't going to do anything stupid. Please.

Depends what you mean by "stupid". Some people might call it sensible.

All right, Sharon?

Not really. Denny, I'm not going to ask you again!

Like I need this, eh?

What if she goes to the police?

Well, hopefully - hopefully - she'll calm down.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-What's the matter with Sharon?

-All right, Jay?

All right. Knew you was back, I just saw Roxy.

-Yeah. It's nice to see you.

-Yeah, and you.

Erm, look, we can talk about this later.

Erm, I've got to go, I've got an appointment.

Where are you going?

I've got to go and get the keys for the gym.

Yeah, well, we haven't finished our conversation, have we?

You can come with me. Jay, will you look after Amy?

-Yeah, course I will.

-Come on, then.

-Did you cheat?

-No!

-Did you copy it off the web?

-No.

This is really good. I don't know what to say.

You'll soon be as brainy as your old man, here.

Yeah, and as bald, most likely.

That's very good. Funny and clever.

My teacher said about A levels. Maybe even uni.

Seriously? Who'd have thought, eh?

-Thanks, Dad - had high hopes for me, did you(?)

-No, no...

I'm just really proud of you.

You know, my little lad, a scholar.

You know, your future's really bright. It's great.

What about that car, then, eh?

Don't push it.

Moped?

Tell you what I'll do, I'll cook us a nice steak and kidney pie for tea.

How about that? I can't wait to see Bianca's face when she sees this.

-And your mum's.

-Oh, Dad, don't, please. It's just one mark.

Let's wait and see.

But they'll be chuffed to bits.

All right, maybe Mum.

Oh, mate, I'm so made up for you. This is so good!

Ha!

And maybe next year we'll talk about that moped, eh?

Ha-ha!

-TV:

-'Sharks can scent blood from a mile away...'

There you go. I packed your bags for you.

Get a move on, you might catch that last train.

I'm not going anywhere.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Yeah.

You all right?

Ian, look, I need to ask a favour. Can Denny stay at yours tonight?

What's happened?

Just say yes or no, eh?

It's not a good time at the moment...

Yeah, go on, Bobby's upstairs in his room.

I'll see you later, darling. Give us a kiss. Mwah! Bye, baby.

Yeah, I've got problems of my own at the moment.

-Cindy's gone and got herself pregnant.

-Ian, you're joking?

-No.

-Listen, we'll find somewhere else, it doesn't matter...

Sharon, it's fine, OK?

Come on - what's Phil done this time?

I just need someone to talk to.

Oh, well, probably not best to do it here.

-We'll go to the caff, grab a cuppa, yeah?

-OK.

-TV:

-'..Really dynamic hunters.'

Just got to pop out for a bit.

The boys are upstairs, if you could listen out for 'em?

-TV:

-'Yep, it may sound bonkers, but me and the crew...'

-PHONE BLEEPS

-'..are going overboard.'

-DOOR CLOSES

-'The only way to understand a shark...'

-Liam? 'Sup?

MUSIC BLARES IN BACKGROUND

-She wants to keep it?

-Yep.

It's just like having her mother back.

If I weren't such a nice bloke, I'd do something.

-Hello, darling.

-You all right?

-Yeah. You look happy.

Yeah, me mum got the all clear for the cancer gene thing.

-Fantastic.

-Me and Sonia are going to have a little drink. Want to come?

-Got money for booze then, eh?

-Lola...

-What's that about?

-Oh, er, I was a bit out of order to her.

I'll sort it out with her later. Come on.

It should be me that tells 'em. It was my screw up, weren't it?

-Yeah, I know it was your screw up.

-So why not?

Because I'm their mother, I'm the one with the dodgy gene -

it has to come from me.

So what are you're going to say to 'em? Eh?

Sonia's going to be all right. Bianca's going to fall apart.

Come here.

Is this...where you say, "Am I forgiven?" Yeah?

No.

Well, maybe.

And like an idiot, I always do.

Max. Forgot to get back to him.

Oh! Like that time I caught you kissing Stephanie Dobson.

-Stephanie Dobson.

-Yeah.

-Do you know, that was nearly 40 years ago!

Yeah, in this caff.

Did you bring me back here for old times' sake?

-Humph!

-Yeah, well, I didn't think you and I were that serious.

-Not then.

-Well, I did!

Don't be silly. I was a teenager, weren't I?

Yeah, you're still a teenager.

Come on, we need to get this over with.

-Do you remember that magazine?

-What?

-The wedding magazine.

Yeah, I know what magazine.

-Well?

-You're unbelievable.

She only buys presents for everyone. All picked up at the airport.

It's not like any thought had gone into it.

-Do you know what she gets me?

-What?

-Crimson lipstick.

-Like that's ever going to buy me off.

-Buy you off?

Come on, Sharon, this is me you're talking to.

No, I'm not dragging you into it.

Not when you've got this Cindy business hanging over you.

Should've slung her out, shouldn't I?

Like Pauline and Arthur were going to do with Michelle that time?

-Yeah, but they didn't.

-Mm.

For the same reason you didn't sling her mother out.

Same reason I keep ending up back with Phil.

Come on, can't you even give me a hint of what it is?

Look, it's serious. That's all I'm saying.

All right, so how can I help?

I need to make a decision.

Do I go to the police or don't I?

Get your hands up,

tuck your elbows in. That's better.

What does it feel like to break someone's nose, Phil?

You've done that, haven't you? Does it feel good?

Or do you feel bad about it afterwards?

I have done. Yeah.

Felt bad? Oh, I'm surprised. I thought you didn't do guilt.

HE SCOFFS

You clearly don't, do ya?

What's that phrase you always say - "Guilt's for wimps"?

So how comes you got the keys for this place today?

You've only been back five minutes.

I'm a cash buyer, aren't I? I can hit the ground running.

Made business sense for them to hand it over as soon as.

And a little bit of charm didn't go amiss either.

So what are you going to do with the place?

-Well, I'm going to make some money, hopefully.

-Ain't you got enough?

Ha! You're asking me that?

I would've thought, with all the money you got off Carl,

you'd be thinking about putting your feet up.

Who says I had anything off Carl?

How else did you get the money for this place, eh?

That was MY money, Ronnie. And you know it.

I'm, er...glad I kept this.

Not so much an insurance policy, more of a...credit guarantee.

Oh! Well, at least I know where we stand now.

Yeah, well, I never have liked people ripping me off. I... I do things.

Yeah, so do I.

Don't worry, Phil. You're going to get your money.

So why did you tell Sharon?

I didn't. She found the phone and started asking questions.

And then you told her?

HE SIGHS

She knows when I'm lying these days.

What makes you so sure she ain't going to spill the beans?

I ain't. Like I say, she can be unpredictable.

SHE SIGHS

Well, I guess I'll leave the worrying to you, shall I?

You know what I think?

What do you think, Phil?

I think this new you is just a big act.

How are your tummy muscles these days?

-I work out.

-Do you?

As to me putting on an act... I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I think we're done here, aren't we?

One of my biggest regrets with Ben is I didn't go to the police sooner.

Now, I don't know what Phil's done,

but if it's reached the stage where you're thinking about going to the police, then I say yes.

This isn't for the reasons you're thinking.

It's got nothing to do with me and Phil. It's about you.

You're a good friend.

I've got to get going. You coming?

No, not yet. Things to do.

So if it had gone the other way, how would you react?

-Fine.

-So it wouldn't be a problem?

Well, a situation like that is always going to be a problem, ain't it?

-So how can you say "fine" then?

-Because.

No, because it would be a problem - you just said it.

And you wonder why I don't trust you.

I thought you did trust me?

Not after saying things like that, Tel.

This is like boxing an octopus.

-Right, now they're both refusing to eat their nuggets.

-Right.

-Go on, then, give us a couple?

-Mmm, they're lovely.

I've had enough of this. Oi, you two, eat them nuggets.

-Skin, bone, cartilage, intestine...

-Yeah, right, whatever.

-You didn't mind when you didn't know, did you?

-Only now, we do.

-I'll have theirs.

-Hands off, please!

You don't eat them, you're having nothing.

-SONIA: Shall I throw these away?

-You shouldn't, because if you don't eat the nuggets...

See Timothy here? He is going to the great compost heap in the sky.

So, make your mind up time.

MARKET HUBBUB MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Ritchie.

Stop worrying. Everything's under control.

Are we done now?

What's wrong?

Nothing, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?

I don't think I can do this.

I'll handle Max. You wait here.

When I've done that, you and me can tell the kids together, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, OK.

-Are we still...?

-What?

Never mind.

-Well, sorry, but I haven't been able to get over there today.

-DOOR OPENS

Cos I've been stuck in the office with no cover. Hang on a minute.

-Where've you been?

-Put the phone down, mate.

-You knew I had to get over to Dagenham.

-Put it down.

-Why?

-You want to know where I've been?

I've been at the hospital with Carol.

Steve. Can I call you back, mate? All right, cheers.

I don't remember you asking if you could use that.

That's because I didn't ask.

What's the matter, you worried what I might come across?

Where've you been, anyway?

Giving Ronnie's gym the once over.

What are you doing?

-Well, I thought, if you can do it, I can too.

-Do what?

Play the property game.

-Thought I might put an offer in at number 27.

-Janine's old gaff?

-I prefer to think of it as Dad's old gaff.

-You can't.

-What do you mean, "I can't"?

-But that wasn't part of the plan. We were supposed to live together.

-"Plan"!

-Amy wants to watch a DVD down here, would that be all right?

I'm watching the footie later.

If Amy wants to watch a DVD, that's absolutely fine, Jay.

Problem?

-You are so dead!

-Come on, give me a chance, it's the first time I've played this one!

-No, you are going down.

-I'm going to get away, I'm going to get away!

-You're not.

-What?!

-Yes!

-You're actually pretty good for a girl.

-You want to go again?

DOOR OPENS

That'll be him. He's going to freak. Go.

TV BLARES

Who was that?

-Liam Butcher.

-What?

-Is he the father of the baby?

-No way!

Yeah, you would say that, wouldn't you?

Well, it's about as bad as it gets, really.

Well, not necessarily. But you'll have to have the test yourself.

It's funny, ain't it?

I'd sort of convinced myself it was all going to be all right.

Yeah, me too. It's called wishful thinking.

She'll probably have to lose the other breast.

And her ovaries as well.

-How's she taken it?

-You know what she's like.

More worried about other people than herself.

But that's her all over.

What do I say to Abi and Lauren?

You don't need to say anything yet, Max.

Not till you've had the test. And only then if it's positive.

Abi can't have the test till she's 18. Same for Oscar.

Jack's girl, Derek's kids...

Anyone on your mother's side.

Where is Carol? I'd like to see her.

Well, we ain't told the girls yet. So let her deal with that first...

Yeah, yeah. Course, yeah.

Are you going to be all right? Cos I've sort of left her in the car.

Yeah, course. Yeah, go on.

Who'd have thought it, eh?

All them years ago?

Branning boys running me out of town.

And here we are.

You still going to marry her?

That's all up for grabs at the moment, but...

Problem?

No, just... Just take care of her.

Course.

Just be straight with them.

I know that sounds funny, coming from me,

but it'll be easier in the long run.

Could've been a lot worse.

KNOCKING ON HOUSE DOOR

What?

Ian Beale's knocking on our front door. He picks his moments.

-KNOCKING CONTINUES

-Hang on...

Well, that wasn't so difficult, was it, eh?

-KNOCKING BECOMES LOUDER

-Timothy survives to live another day. All right!

Someone needs to empty the bin before she looks.

BANGING ON DOOR

Where is he?

Think you could just run away and I wouldn't realise, that it?

What is your problem? Do you think you can barge in here without asking?

-Ask him.

-What are you talking about, Ian?

Liam. He's got Cindy up the duff.

What's he doing in there?

I can't have a conversation with the girls if he's around.

-If he's not out in the next five minutes, I'm going to go in there and drag him out.

-Yeah.

Anyway, thanks for talking to Max. I really appreciate it.

No problem.

And...I found this, by the way.

It was in my bag all the time.

-You said you weren't interested.

-No, no, no, I'll hang on to it.

You never know, I might take a look at it one of these days.

-ANSWER MACHINE:

-'You have one new message.'

PHIL: 'I don't know where you are, but we'll never sort this out until you're back.

'I'm handling Ronnie, all right, but I have to do it my way.

'Now come home, please.'

All right, Jay, check this out.

"Great family home situated in a quiet square."

-How dull does that sound?

-Nothing about the blood stains in the kitchen, then?

-That's not funny, Jay.

-You're the one wants to move there.

I bet there's not a single house that old anywhere that hasn't

-had something...horrible happen in it.

-Certainly round here.

Why did you go and say that, Jay? I'm all worried now.

Tell you one thing - if word gets around,

these houses will be hard to sell.

If you kick up a fuss with the agent, you might get, like, 20 grand off.

-I never thought of that.

-Michael's last gift from the grave.

Sorry, can we help you?

-No, it's all right.

-What do you think, Ron?

-Think about what?

-Roxy moving into number 27.

it's nothing to do with me, apparently.

Please, can you just shut up?! I'm trying to watch the telly!

What are you looking for, anyway?

-TV:

-'You'll be so jealous, he won't care...'

Looking for this?

-Give it to me, Phil.

-No way.

Amy wants seconds. Is there any left?

What's the problem now?

-Ronnie's upset about you moving out, ain't you, Ron?

-Oh, yeah?

Nothing to do with Sharon?

Why do you say that?

Because I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks. Well?

What is the one thing all three of you have got in common?

Eh? Jack Branning. No wonder he did a runner.

-Phil?

-What?

-I don't want to bother you,

but there's a police car just pulled up outside.

DOOR BELL RINGS

It's a simple enough question, OK? Did you or didn't you?

-Get out of his face, Ian!

-One grunt for yes, two for no.

-Well, I...

-You don't have to say nothing, Liam.

Cos whatever Cindy's saying, she is lying. The mother used to run rings round you, and now she is.

Kids, upstairs, please. Come on.

-What we supposed to do there?

-Out.

-Whatever.

Read a book, live dangerously. Up we go, please. Come on!

And you, TJ. Go on.

I don't know who you think you are, coming in this house, screaming and shouting.

Once we clear this up, he'll be on his way.

Won't you, Ian?

I'm not going anywhere till he owns up.

SIRENS

-Right, you two... You two get upstairs.

-DOOR BELL RINGS

-And you take Amy, an' all.

-Excuse me...

-Just get upstairs now!

DOOR BELL RINGS REPEATEDLY

I told you you couldn't trust Sharon.

And I told you... I told you to get out of here.

Now you might want to get banged up, but this ain't just about you, is it?

-I helped clear up your mess, do you remember?

-KNOCKING ON DOOR

They're on the doorstep, Phil.

It's over.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Wait, wait. Why are they here?

They're here because of Carl.

-What about Carl?

-Ronnie... Ronnie, don't.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

He's dead.

What do you mean he's dead? What...?

What have you done?

Roxy, it wasn't him.

It was me.

What?

What?!

CONTINUOUS KNOCKING ON DOOR

Now listen, you get up them stairs and you keep your mouth shut,

do you hear me? You keep it shut.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

KNOCKING ON DOOR

SIRENS OUTSIDE

All right, Sharon?

Ready?

Yeah.

All right, then.

So Cindy's told you it's Liam's, has she?

Oh, Tel, please, as if we're going to listen to her.

If he's so innocent, why were you sneaking out of my house?

-Hang on, I wasn't sneaking.

-Why don't you go and bother someone else?

-Because you're boring me now, Ian.

-Yeah, and it can't be mine.

Oh, right, so my mistake, is it? An immaculate conception, is that it?

-What?

-Ignore him, Liam. He's a little man using very big words.

-Let's just take a time out here.

-That's a really good idea, Tel.

You know, don't you? You know it's him.

-Don't give me that look.

-Me?

-Cindy's told you!

I was too busy helping her at the hospital. Sorry, I forgot to interrogate her!

What you talking about? Hello, Mum.

Where have you been? I thought you'd be back ages ago.

Oh, we got held up, darling. The traffic was diabolical.

-Look, I'm sorry to interrupt...

-Ian, what you doing here?

You're never going to believe what's happened. Cindy is pregnant.

-Ian thinks it's something to do with Liam.

-And it can't be.

He's a chip off the old block, ain't he, David?

That is some genetic inheritance you've passed on.

-All right, Ian. All right.

-Liam?

-Look, Nan, it's not mine.

-He didn't go anywhere near her.

No, cos we only done it once.

Erm, the police are in there.

I think it's about Phil's dodgy number plates.

CHATTER FROM INSIDE

-Everybody makes mistakes.

-Well, that's what they all say.

You realise we can't just ignore this.

-A crime's a crime.

-Is everything all right?

It's all right. You can tell her, she's family.

We arrested Ms Pearce for shoplifting on Bridge Street market

this afternoon. And we cautioned her down the station.

-Oh, Lola.

-Lexi needed nappies.

-It's all right, honey.

-She didn't make any attempt to resist arrest,

so we won't be taking it any further.

Nappies.

I won't do it again, all right? I swear I won't.

I'm glad to hear it.

If he keeps denying it, what other choice have I got?

-A DNA test? You are talking out your...

-Bianca, come on!

Look, it was just the one time, I swear.

Liam, it takes just one time. You do understand that, don't you?

-You don't need to teach him the facts of life!

-I beg to differ.

-Let's do this some other time.

-Ain't you got some saveloys to count, Ian?

-David's right, we're going round in circles.

-Carol?

-I just need to know what's going on.

-But...

-This one time, when was it?

-About three months ago.

-Oh, shut up. Will you just let him speak, Ian?

-When, Liam?

-It was last week.

-You're not lying to me, are you?

No, that's the truth.

-Look, Nan, it can't be mine, can it?

-No, darling.

-Then you believe him?

-Liam wouldn't lie to me.

-You happy now, Ian?

-I'm not going to be happy till she's down the clinic.

Oh, and she's made that decision, has she?

I'm not letting her give birth to scumbag junior!

-Oh, right, that's it, get out now, you liberty taker!

-All right.

You can't stop her!

-What's it got to do with you?

-It ain't your baby.

Ain't got nothing to do with you.

I think you'll find it has. I'm her guardian.

-I don't care. I won't let you.

-You can't stop me.

I can.

Cos that baby's mine.

Well, if there's nothing else you want to ask me,

-then I'll get back to the station.

-No. Thanks.

Evening.

Now, Lola, let's hope this is the last time I see you, no offence.

-Yeah, it will be.

-Yeah, we promise.

Let's get in the kitchen, yeah?

Everything all right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes.

New Year. New Year, I couldn't get hold of him.

He disappeared. Was he...?

-Is that when she did it?

-Just sit down.

-He sent me a text. He sent me a text.

-Sit down, Roxy...

It was the last text I got from him, Phil.

-I need to get my phone.

-Just keep a lid on it, will ya?

FRONT DOOR CLOSES

He's gone.

Right, I'll go and get the girls and we'll have a chat, yeah?

No, I can't tell them now, can I? With all this going on.

All of what? Liam's off the hook, ain't he?

Whatever goes on with Terry and his clan is hardly our business.

They're part of our family, whether you like it or not.

-Carol, you've got to tell them.

-Tell them what?

-What's all these nuggets doing in here?

-Does it matter?

-You look knackered, Mum.

-I'm fine.

Why don't you go upstairs, have a little lay down?

-I'll make you a nice peppermint tea.

-Excellent idea, Sonia. Exactly.

No, thank you.

I would've got you some money out of the machine.

What if they ring social services? I wasn't even thinking.

-What if they try and take Lexi again?

-No-one's going to take her, darling.

I wouldn't let that happen. Trust me. Mitchells stick together.

And you, madam, you're an honorary Mitchell sister, isn't she, Roxy?

And next time you need anything, promise to come to us.

Yeah.

Yeah, I just feel like such an idiot.

Well, don't. You did what you did for your kid.

If you need anything for Lexi, come to me, all right?

-You don't go nicking stuff.

-OK, I'm sorry.

-Next time, get the Old Bill to take you home, don't bring them round here.

-Phil, come on.

-I didn't want Pops and Peter to find out.

-Hardly crime of the century!

-Billy's hardly Mother Theresa himself, is he?

-Yeah, I know.

But we're really skint at the moment and I don't want to make him

-feel any worse than he already does.

-If you don't get back soon,

Billy's going to start asking questions.

-Jay'll walk you back, won't you, Jay?

-Course I will.

Could I stay here tonight?

-No.

-Don't worry about Billy.

If he asks any questions, just tell him you went out with me

-and Roxy for the evening.

-But what if he finds out?

He's not going to find out. Don't worry about it.

This is, er... Tel...

-This is a wind up, ain't it?

-No. Deadly serious.

-So the girl you told me about was Cindy?

-You knew about this?

I thought you said you got that sorted.

-She changed her mind.

-Why didn't you tell me?

-I think that's obvious.

-I'm having a conversation with my son.

-Yeah, well, it's a bit late.

He's admitted it. What do you want, blood?

-Do you want 'em to run off and get married?

-I want someone to take responsibility.

-I appreciate it's an alien concept for you!

-You can't make her get rid of it.

If I were you, I'd keep that zipped, and that!

You think she's a really good girl, Cindy?

-She's been stringing them both along!

-She ain't seeing him.

Oh, yeah? Says who?

Ian, I want to have a private conversation with my son, yeah?

The next time I ask you, I can't guarantee I'll be quite so polite.

Ian, come on, you heard him.

Wondered when you'd stick your oar in!

I'm telling you, this ain't over.

One of life's charmers, my half-brother.

Liam, stop it! Liam, what you doing?

-How long's it been going on for, eh?

-Get off! Don't, don't, don't!

Get off him. Don't you dare.

-He started it!

-"Oh, he started it."

-Stop it, both of you!

-Don't go near Cindy again!

-What you fighting over her for? She's not even worth it!

-Bianca!

The girl is pregnant. She's scared out her wits.

And you two are fighting like kids over a toy.

-Liam, upstairs. Now.

-Go on.

All right.

-TJ, this ain't like you.

-It's not like Liam neither.

-If I let you go, you won't do a runner?

-Course he won't!

I know how you're feeling. This ain't helping, is it? All right?

-Did Liam hurt you?

-No.

-Let's go and have a look anyway.

-It's OK.

-Come on.

TJ, go on.

-Where did your mum go?

-When did he tell you?

-Excuse me?

-Don't.

Don't do this to me, David.

You knew, didn't you?

About Cindy.

-Go and get some chips, eh? I'm starving.

-I don't know.

-I could phone Abi and Peter.

-No. It's all right.

-Roxy...?

-You and Peter haven't fallen out, have you?

-Ronnie.

Ronnie, deal with her, will ya?

-Bye, Ronnie.

-See you later.

-Yeah, thank you for...

-OK.

Has something happened between them two?

I don't know, but everyone in this house is acting a bit weird,

-so maybe we should just get out while we can, eh?

-Mm.

FRONT DOOR SLAMS

Sit down.

So that's all you've got to say, then?

Do we have to go over this old ground, Terry?

He came to me once.

Last I heard, the girl was having an abortion.

All this Cindy business is news to me.

And I ain't got time for it.

Well, you're going to have to make time, ain't you?

The fact that your son is not talking to you

is hardly my problem. I've got enough of my own, thanks.

-You're loving this, aren't you?

-Oh, yeah, yeah(!)

All day at the hospital, now you having a go at me.

What's not to love?

You seem very pally with my son for someone who don't give a stuff.

Yeah, well...

So what did he say to you, then?

Not much.

He didn't have to.

Has she lost her mind?

The police were here, weren't they? She panicked.

What, so she decides to confess? Just like that?

-She thought they knew everything. She thought you told them.

-Did she?

Well, we all did.

You threatened to, Sharon, didn't you?

Even Ian knows I wouldn't call the police on you.

You've told Ian?

Yeah. Yeah, I told him all about Ronnie and Carl.

Why, was it a secret?

Like I'm really that stupid.

If you'd told Ian, Ronnie'd be halfway to Holloway by now,

-wouldn't she?

-That's not to say I didn't think about it.

-Then what stopped you?

-You.

Well, you and me.

I knew this life wasn't going to be all sunshine and roses

when I signed up, but...

I won't let what Ronnie's done ruin what we've got.

You can trust me.

So, I'll...

I'll go and pick Dennis up in a bit, yeah?

I think it's best he stays at Ian's.

Well, first thing tomorrow, then.

I don't know, Phil.

I don't know if I want him living here any more.

So you don't deny it, then?

A Spraggan! I mean, what were you thinking?

No, no. Actually, don't answer that

cos I really don't want to know the answer.

I suppose I should be grateful for small mercies.

They are one step up the evolutionary chain from the Butchers.

Have you got any idea how humiliating it was finding out from them?

Oh, so it's all about you? Surprise, surprise.

Well, you're my responsibility. You're under my roof.

Cindy, I'm just trying to help you here.

I'm nothing to you. Why do you care?

Listen, all right, you're a bright girl.

There's a world of opportunities out there.

We can deal with this.

Get rid of it?

Yeah. I mean, it makes sense.

Why do you want to throw your life down the drain over one mistake, OK?

I know you don't want to get your gran involved.

OK, that's fine. Just stay here and I'll help you.

I'll book you an appointment for the clinic.

I'll even come with you and...

Look, we can get this dealt with and nobody will be any the wiser.

Do you really want to be like one of those girls out there,

pushing a pram in grey jogging bottoms?

I mean, we all know what we think of them. You're better than that.

I don't care what people think. I don't care what you think.

I want this baby.

And so does TJ.

-You think he's going to stick around?

-Yeah.

He will!