19/02/2012 EastEnders Omnibus

You all right?

-Eat that bit, then.

-Remember when this place was a bloke zone?

Now it's full of sparkly head bands.

Don't listen to Auntie Shirley. She loves having us here, doesn't she?

I was thinking I might take her round to Jack's later,

-let him see her for half an hour.

-Bad call.

He is her dad.

Look, don't start feeling sorry for that snake.

He's the one that did the dirty on you by forging Amy's passport.

Awww, is that a heart?

Yes, and...?

SHIRLEY CHUCKLES

Come on, eat your toast. Good girl.

Mmm!

-See you later.

-See you.

Er, tomorrow night.

Yeah?

-Get a babysitter for George.

-Why?

No reason.

What's that, babe?

It's the appointment for my scan.

Come here, come here.

I'm fine.

Oh, hello, Mum.

Sleep well, did you girls?

-Is that one of my shirts?

-Yeah, Lauren said I could borrow it

cos I forgot my PJs

and she didn't want to risk seeing me naked in case I turned her.

Not likely.

Er, I think she's kidding, Nan.

I'll wash it if you like?

No, you're fine.

-You going to see Phil?

-Yeah.

Tell him I said hi, yeah?

Not thinking of doing anything, are you, while I'm gone?

Like what?

Jack.

Shirl, come on! Look, I'm so fed up of all this feuding business.

We won, yeah. Is that not enough?

We won for a reason - he's not fit to be her dad.

We both know that's not true, don't we?

You know what? You go and see Phil,

tell him we got one over on the Brannings

if it'll give him a nice warm fuzzy feeling

but I've got to think about Amy. She needs her dad in her life.

She's got us now, Rox.

Me, you and Phil.

Page five, there's some ever so pretty petticoats.

I'm sure they're lovely, Dot,

but she needs a bit of an uplift. Here, check that one out.

We don't want you barging in with your ungodly notions!

Heather and me has got a system going.

Well, I just want to prove to my prospective daughter-in-law

that I'm really sorry, I'm REALLY sorry about last week

and I'm on board for the wedding.

-Thank you, Mrs Cotton, very thoughtful.

-She ain't Cotton,

that's my Charlie, she's a bigamist.

Heather don't want to go up the aisle looking like some trussed up old bird.

Heather is more demure.

Hev, demure? Who'd have thought?

Shirl, d'you want to join us?

We're making some important decisions about the wedding.

No, I'm going to go see Phil.

I've booked Mr Bishop for his organ.

I mean, he don't usually do weddings but as a favour to me...

And the choir boys.

It's not St Paul's Cathedral, Dot. I mean, choir boys? Please!

-Have you thought about karaoke?

-Hev, I'll meet you down the pub.

-Yeah, that'd be nice.

-Darling, have you thought about the karaoke?

There's more important things than karaoke.

Have you decided who you want to give you away?

Just need to find the right time to ask.

-Why'd you always have to go to work?

-Why'd you always have to eat?

Come on, Tiff. We can have a laugh, can't we?

D'you think she's really going to the cafe?

She better be.

I'm not looking after you lot so she can swan off on a jolly.

Come on.

Come on, darling.

Jack.

You all right?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Really?

Yeah, get my mornings back, don't I?

Get to be selfish again.

What are you doing for the big V Day tomorrow night?

Romantic dinner for two?

I dunno.

We ain't decided yet, have we, Tan?

Er, can you stop quizzing my parents on their love lives, please.

Right, we're off. See you later.

Dinner'll be on the table by seven. If you see your sister?

-Yeah, will do. See you later.

-Thanks for having me, Tanya.

-Pleasure.

-See you later.

Right, going to make a move.

See you later.

What?

Nothing.

Oh, bruv, how you holding up, man?

Oh, man, all right. What about you?

-Bit shaky!

-We was up all night playing Rage.

Let me tell you, this fella is a legend at juggling weapons.

HE MAKES GUN NOISES

You're killing me, man.

-Sweet.

-Yeah. FIFA tonight?

-Tottenham versus the O's. Let's do it!

Obviously!

Are you serious?

Take it up with the boss, she's outside.

Janine? Tomorrow night's cancelled?

I hate to break the hearts of the local tweens,

it hurts my wallet just as much, believe me, but it can't be helped. DJ's cancelled.

Well, Fats is a DJ.

-And he did a really good gig in Farringdon last week.

-Yeah.

-Ooh(!)

-Oh, Janine, don't be such a grump, give him a go.

Do I tell you how to pour coffee?

-Come on, he's WELL good.

-Yeah, come on, Janine.

Swear down, I spin choons like Rapunzel spins gold, sweetheart.

You should stick to your fairy tales because I run a professional establishment.

Thought you were a family man, Jack. Had your priorities straight.

Yeah, well I do.

That's why I'll make the most of my time with Amy when I see her.

Yeah, what, every other weekend?

-She'll forget who you are.

-Oi, one weeknight as well.

Disappointed, very disappointed. I thought you had more spirit than that.

What am I supposed to do? Let it turn uglier?

-She's Amy's mum.

-Not so you'd know it.

-Come on, ain't fair, is it?

-Not fair? Not fair?!

She's already fobbed poor Amy off on some stranger!

-You what?

-I seen her.

Probably gone back to bed to paint her nails.

You sure?

It's hard to miss that peroxide...

Well, Jack, look...

if you're happy letting a woman like that bring up your daughter that's your call, mate.

It's your call.

OK, right, let's try another one. Let's spell...banana.

-It's half term!

-So?

You're not supposed to spell at half term.

He's right, it's practically child abuse.

Is it indeed?

Do you want us to report you to social services?

Yeah, and do you want me to report you to the fib police?

They don't exist, so you can't.

All right, so what do you want to do?

And don't you dare say, "Go and watch TV".

Play video games!

Go on then. Fine.

(Yes!)

Don't you want to play?

Can we go and see Mum at the Cafe?

We can't, sweetheart. She'll be too busy.

I love your company too, Tiff!

Roxy?

Open this door!

Roxy!

OK, I tell you what, you go and play in there, yeah?

Go and watch telly, go on. Good girl.

Roxy!

-Where is she?

-You need to calm down.

-All right, where is my daughter?

-She's here, with me.

-You liar!

This is not on, OK.

-You let me in.

-What the hell?

D'you think you can palm her off on some stranger?

I don't know what you're talking about - she's here with me!

-Let me see her then!

-No! You'll frighten her, go away.

-Roxy!

-Oi! What d'you think you're doing?

-She won't tell me where Amy is!

-She's there, mate.

Max, do me a favour, sort your brother out, yeah?

-I thought you'd given her to someone.

-That's the mother you think I am, is it?

That I'd palm her off on someone the minute I get her back?

Now you know the deal, all right? You see her when the court agrees.

Would it hurt you to let him see his daughter?

-Would it have hurt you to keep an eye on your brother?

-DOOR SLAMS

Shirley Carter to see Phil Mitchell.

Told you the last three times you rocked up, he doesn't want to see you.

Yeah, well, he has to, I've got news for him.

Have you tried writing a letter?

Look, please, can you tell him that I'm here?

Tell him that Shirley's got news. Good news about his niece, Amy.

-Please, just tell him!

-Take the hint, love.

Janine don't know what she's talking about.

You know what, she's done us a favour.

I'm s'posed to wine and dine you all day, Valentine's Day.

-Yeah, but you'd smash it up there.

-You think so?

Yeah. Wouldn't it be good?

Him up there DJing in front of a proper crowd.

See, Whitney could've been your super fan, bopping next to you and stuff!

Yeah, and I bet every girl in that club would be sick with envy.

-Sick with something.

-You can't keep The Fats down. I'll see Janine.

I'll go have round two. Ding-ding, it's on, let's do it!

-Go on, Fats!

-Go on, babe.

The point is, Rose,

if you'd been listening to a word I've been saying all morning,

that Heather ain't partial to lilac as a colour scheme.

I don't think Heather has actually mentioned colours.

-Have you?

-Is everything all right, ladies?

Oh, can I have a word, please, Mr Trueman?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Don't be too long, Heather,

cos we've got a lot to get through.

We've...known each other a long time, haven't we?

Hmm.

And we've been through a lot.

I mean, you were there at George's birth and...

Well, I mean you've always been there for me, haven't you?

I mean, always...

SHE HYPERVENTILATES

Heather, what's wrong?

Oh, I can't...!

Is it your asthma? Do you have your inhaler with you?

Come on, is there anything I can do? What's wrong?

Give me away?

At my wedding, I mean.

I know what you mean.

Mr Trueman?

I'd be honoured, Heather.

Oh!

I know, all right. I know.

What do you know?

You know you're an idiot?

If you carry on acting like that you risk not being part of Amy's life?

Oi, sit there, all right?

You wait till your brain's caught up with your fists.

I just feel so...

-What, powerless?

-Yeah.

-Get over it.

-Get OVER it?

What, get over the fact that someone who don't know me from Adam

gets to decide when and for how long I see my daughter?

I switch into dad mode every other weekend,

-a weeknight if I'm lucky?

-You are lucky.

You're very lucky because one, at the moment, Roxy thinks you're a good bloke

and two, you live across the road from Amy.

Play it right, you could be as much a part of her life as before.

That's not bad going for separated parents.

Who would have thought that Max Branning, of all people, would've got it sussed.

Come on, then, what's your secret?

What's the key to becoming Mr Familyman, eh? How'd it come so good?

It didn't.

What?

-Is it Tan? The cancer?

-Nah, it's not...

She's got another scan next week but, nah, it's not that.

She just, you know, won't let me near her.

Max, look, she's had a rough time of it, ain't she?

-See, it feels like you're judging me for even thinking that way.

-No!

I'm just saying... it's probably natural, innit?

These things, they take time. You just gotta be patient.

I'm not saying that the sex is the only thing, cos it ain't,

you know, not by a long way but you know me and Tanya, we've always had this...

this heat.

Without it, it's like none of the other stuff works.

So, what's she say?

-Dunno, ain't talked to her about it, have I?

-Why not?

How am I s'posed to do that without making it seem like I'm trying to pressurise her into bed?

Which I ain't.

Any time I show her some affection she thinks I'm trying to jump her.

All I gotta do is make eye contact and she gets all defensive.

It's like everything she does is a coded message, you know?

For, "I'm not ready to have sex,"

and I know that and I'm fine with it.

I just want to be able to give her a cuddle.

That Lucy Beale's a right little madam.

Oh, she's fine.

Bit up herself but life'll knock that out of her one way or another.

-That what happened to you?

-What?

Don't "what" me, my girl.

I'm fine, Mum.

I'm just a bit nervous, you know, about the scan results,

-that's natural after everything.

-I'm not talking about that.

-What are you talking about then?

-Want me to spell it out for you?

If you're about to start on about how I've been letting myself go,

-don't bother - I haven't got time, I have to get to the salon.

-Put those down.

If it's that bad, Mum, maybe you shouldn't say it.

Believe me...I wish I had a choice.

You're scared you're going to die, I know that,

but you're also scared you're going to live

and never feel like a woman again.

Like the woman you always were.

You're scared your relationship is only based on sex.

You're scared he's going to lose interest.

You're scared that if you let him touch you,

you won't be able to pretend nothing's changed.

(What do I do, Mum?)

OK, right, look. I ain't going anywhere until you hear me out.

-And why should I do that?

-Because I'm good.

OK, I'm not saying I'm the best, but you know, Whit reckons I've got something,

if you'd heard the things she was saying, yeah?

If I'm DJing she'd be the luckiest girl in the club

-and I love her, so I want to do that...

-Stop!

You're reaching dangerously high levels of sentimentality

and I will not be held responsible for my actions.

OK, fine.

You can DJ tomorrow night

but I'm not paying you and this is NOT a regular thing.

And if anybody asks you how you persuaded me,

then I would leave out the bit about declaring your love for Whit.

-For both of our sakes.

-OK, cool.

And Fatboy...

..it's really not cool to be too keen.

HE CACKLES That's not very cool either.

Yeah!

So, he's a he and... Do I know him?

-Yep.

-Do I like him?

-You lurve him!

Fatboy?

You cheater!

Wind-up merchants.

-My go!

-Go on, Tiff.

Is he a man?

-Yep.

-A grown-up man?

Yeah.

Er...

..do I know him?

Yeah.

-Erm... Is he family?

-He is to me!

I don't want to play any more.

What? But it's my turn.

What you doing hiding round here?

We've got Heather over there, talking weddings!

-Are you upsetting her?

-Upsetting her? Spoiling, more like.

-You better not be taking over.

-She's lucky to have me adding a bit of style.

What you saying about her?

Nothing...but you've either got it or you haven't.

Unbelievable!

Sorry, is my mother being a bit much?

No, she's being, erm, being...great!

Ha ha! Very diplomatic.

No, honestly.

Thought I'd cook for us later.

All right if I grab your keys so I can make a start?

Yeah, yeah.

I love you, have I told you that?

-How's Phil?

-Now that my half-sister is out of the way,

would you reconsider Lord of All Hopefulness?

I might not be able to hear what you're saying, Dorothy Branning, but I know what you're up to!

Thought me and you were s'posed to be having a drink?

But, Heather, she's very busy.

I mean, she's getting on with the crucial decisions.

Heather, I tell you, I just can't stop smiling.

Ah, me neither, Mr Trueman.

I don't know whether to stand on your right, or your left?

-I don't want to look a fool in front of everybody!

-He's giving you away?

-It's perfect ain't it, Shirl?

-Yeah, subtle, Hev, very subtle.

-What?

-You've clearly decided what mates you want around you to help you with your big day,

so I'll just get out your hair.

-She's supposed to be my maid of honour.

-But have you asked her?

-TV:

-I mean, on the face of it, I suppose it's a good idea

that people are, you know, not wasting all this paper.

On the other hand...

I was watching that.

Didn't know that you were interested in business?

-Something's not been right all day, Tiff. Are you going to tell me what it is?

-Just bored.

Are you sure it's not to do with Morgan's dad?

Just cos he's around doesn't mean Morgan's not your brother any more.

-I know that.

-All right, so what is it? Has Ray said something to you?

Is he going to be Mum's new boyfriend?

No. What gave you that idea?

They were hugging last week.

Hugging?

I don't want everything to change again. Everything's always changing.

No. Come here, sweetheart. No, nothing's going to change.

You going to help me? Put them in, good girl.

Put them in.

You helping Mummy? You helping Mummy?

-Roxy, I'm sorry.

-It's all right, me and Amy are just going.

-Please, don't run off.

-Leave us alone.

I really am sorry, all right?

What I said earlier was out of order. You've got a right to be angry.

Do you know what, yeah? D'you know what hurts the most?

-Being called a bad mother.

-Yeah, well, you're not, are you?

Clearly.

I was stupid, all right?

-I heard something and it wound me up, that's all.

-Someone's been bad-mouthing me?

I'll take a wild stab in the dark, let me guess. You're related?

Come on, you know what things are like.

Things have just got so twisted recently.

It feels like it's not even about Amy...

Do you know what the stupid thing is?

-I was going to bring her to see you. I thought you'd be missing her.

-I am.

Can't we just go back to how it was before, forget this ever happened?

I don't know, Jack.

I think we should just stick to what the court said, all right?

-So, will you be my maid of honour?

-I don't want your pity role.

It's not a pity role! I've been wanting to ask you all along,

it's just I've been waiting for the right time

cos Mrs Branning and Mrs Cotton, they've been bossing me about and...

So, will you?

If I don't have to wear a dodgy outfit.

I promise!

So, you haven't told me how Phil is.

Yeah, he's fine.

Just fine?

He's in prison, Hev, what d'you want me to say?

He's upset you, ain't he? What's he said?

Nothing.

Don't believe you.

He said nothing, OK?

Cos he won't see me...

..and he hasn't seen me for over a week.

-Shirl.

-I thought if I went there with some good news,

the news about Amy, then he'd snap out of it.

Just shut me out.

Shut us all out.

Maybe he just needs a bit more time, eh?

-You know what I need?

-What?

I need us to go out tomorrow night

and get off our FACES with cheap vodka!

Tomorrow?

Yeah. Got a problem?

-No!

-Yay!

-Yay!

-Good afternoon, Marie, how are you?

-Fine, Derek.

-So where's Amy?

-With her mum.

Where she was all along.

You can't resist stirring things, can you?

Someone had to do something but you let her off the hook.

Yeah, and if I'd taken your advice, grabbed Amy and run, where would I be now?

-In the nick. Great dad from there, wouldn't I?

-Call yourself a Branning.

Know what, it's lucky I've got one brother who gets it.

Who, Max?

Well, he's hardly the poster boy for family values, is he?

Hello, babe.

That smells good.

Oh, that is typical, innit?

-Lauren's at the Vic and Ab's at a mate's.

-Typical.

What, just you and me then?

If you've made enough for four?

Yeah, there's plenty, actually, yeah. Why don't you stay?

That all right with you? Great. Sorted then.

Bianca.

Bianca.

-I just wanted to see if you was all all right.

-We're all right, thanks.

-I'll go and make a cup of tea, shall I?

-How's Jack?

You'd think I'm more cut up than him about losing custody.

You know he likes to play things cool.

Yeah, he wants to keep his priorities right, don't he?

It's family that counts. Which reminds me...

-Take that.

-No, honestly.

-Take that, I insist.

Yeah? Tell her, Carol.

Got to think of your kids.

Take it, Bianca.

-Thanks.

-Cheers.

I'll save that cup of tea for another time, eh? See you later.

Hang on, listen. What's this about you and Ray?

Why? Who's said something?

Tiffany said that she saw you hugging him.

Oh, no! She has completely got the wrong end of the stick. There's nothing going on.

Look, why don't you take a little bit of that cash and put it to good use?

Like what?

Sonia. Why don't you go and stay with them and take the kids.

Little bit of quality time away from any temptation.

You're back!

-Hello, trouble! How do you fancy going and visiting your Auntie Sonia, yeah?

-Are you coming?

Course I am! You can't get rid of me that easy. Come on.

Oh, it's cold!

She's really down.

I ain't seen her like that in ages.

She's always in a mood from what I can tell.

I guess I know her better than most people.

And the thing is... about tomorrow night.

Shirl's asked me if I'm free to go on, like, a girl's night out.

I think she's feeling a bit sentimental...

You DID say you were busy?

Yeah, yeah, I did but you should have seen her face...

What did you do?

I sort of said, "yeah".

What about me?

Our night?

I didn't think it was a big deal.

Spending Valentine's with your future husband

-means nothing to you, does it?

-That's not what I meant.

-It is or you'd have told Shirley, "no".

-It's not that simple.

Yeah? Well, it seems that simple to me. I tell you what...

-Andrew!

-Cook your own dinner!

-No, I'm sorry, all right!

-Coo-eee.

-SHOUTS:

-No, it's not all right!

-Now you're scaring me.

Andrew. Andrew, love. Love, keep your voice down?

I can't even look at you right now.

-SHOUTS:

-Out of my way!

DOOR SLAMS

Come on, let's go and shut the curtains.

Going to help Mummy?

Going to help Mummy shut the curtains? No? Why not?

There we go.

There we go, all done!

Andrew!

What have I told you about losing your cool?

You know where it got you in the past.

If you breathe one word to Heather about what happened,

you're dead to me.

D'you hear me?

Stepping through the door, now, my love. We're here.

-Miss you, Kat!

-How's Charlie?

Jean wants to know how's Charlie?

Kat, Kat, darling, whoa, whoa, calm down, don't worry.

Stay there as long as need be, all right?

OK, darling, I'll give you a ring tonight. Love you too. Bye.

Ah. # Da-da do ba-ba doo. #

Any Valentines?

Oh, yeah, there's loads of those.

One from Miss Leccy, another one from Miss Gas Board.

Oh, another one from the delectable Miss Council Tax.

Beautiful.

HE SIGHS

You all right, Alfie?

Course I'm all right, darling.

Nothing a lottery win wouldn't sort out, you know. Ha ha.

# Stop in the name of love Before you break my heart

# Stop... #

Shirl, she's not answering. I'll have to go round there.

You do know how sorry I am, don't you? For losing my rag.

Really didn't mean to frighten you.

Yeah, course.

And thanks for choosing to spend tonight with me.

Your feet are so cute, you know?

What? There's nothing cute about my feet.

Everything's cute about you, babe.

What's got into you today?

It's Valentine's Day, ain't it?

Ain't a brother allowed to be a bit mushy on Valentine's Day?

Which reminds me. Six o'clock, and you know what that means.

-No! No more presents, enough.

-Come on, man.

You know the rules, all right. One present on the hour, every hour.

There we go.

It's Valentine's night, I thought you'd be out on the pull?

Plenty of time for that, mate.

Going over the Vic in a bit, meet Michael.

Bit of brotherly bonding, show there's no hard feelings.

-You fancy it?

-Nah, got a better offer.

You're under the thumb, bruv.

-I'd like to be under anything of Amira's.

-DOORBELL RINGS

Because she is gorgeous.

Hadn't really noticed.

I was going to come pick you up.

Am I late or something or is it just...?

You know, you look amazing.

Ah, thanks babe. Is that new?

Yep.

Don't have to wear it if you don't...

Um... Let's see what else you got. I hope your room's tidy.

As if you ain't noticed, eh?

Copper wire?

-You didn't know anything about this, did you?

-No. No, no.

I'm sorry, he just put us on the spot.

And Derek Branning ain't really a fan of taking no for an answer.

Listen. It's not your fault, Ray.

But I got to say, you and Paddy

have done a brilliant job of taking care of this little lady.

I appreciate it.

Look, I'll just get cleaned up and then I'll be off.

Hold on a second. There's no need for that.

We've been looking for a proper chef for ages

-and the gig is yours if you want it, all right?

-Really?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Top man.

-Look, man, I've got loads of ideas, yeah.

-Nice one.

-I won't let you down, I promise.

-Cheers, Raymondo.

-Nice one.

Come on, you were well up for it yesterday.

Yes, well the reality of spending a Valentine's night

-single and sober suddenly kicked in.

-PHONE RINGS

Wait.

All right, Whit?

Yeah, well, Lucy's trying to persuade me now,

but I'm not really sure I'm up for it.

Please, Lauren.

Please, it'll be such a laugh. Please, we'll dance all night, yeah?

-And forget about Valentine's Day altogether if you want.

-'Ah.'

All right, fine, I will come.

The things I do for you, Whitney Dean.

So, how many kittens did Fats get you?

What? None.

All right, all right.

See you later. Bye.

Ah, I love them two.

They won't last, though.

What? Why not?

Well, nothing against Whit, she's great,

but I just don't reckon she's right for Fats.

Well, he does. Got her tickets to Paris, he's surprising her tonight.

-My hair look all right at the back?

-Yeah, looks good to me.

-Oh.

-Happy Valentine's.

-Thank you.

So, what about my hair?

It's full-bodied, as ever.

Where are you two off to, again?

-Argee Bhajee.

-Ah, the romance(!)

Well, that's what happens when you try and book somewhere two hours before.

Right, well. I better go and get ready then.

-Right, I'll pop my lipstick on and then we'll go, yeah?

-Yeah.

-That was terrible news about Charlie though and his stroke. Cor.

-Yeah.

-You send Kat my best, won't you?

-Yeah, course I will, Derek.

Course I will.

Lovely. So, is there a reason for this visit

or is it just a social call?

I'm getting used to that - everyone knows everyone.

Yeah, I know. See the thing is Derek, right.

What I wanted to talk to you about, see, down in the...

-About the copper wire, ain't it?

-Yeah.

There's probably a reasonable excuse

why it's there, but if it wasn't I'd appreciate it.

-Only because it's...

-Say no more, Alfie. Say no more.

-I'll get it shifted.

-Lovely. Thanks, mate.

Oh, before you go...

..take that.

What's this for?

Storage rates. I wouldn't take you for a mug, Alfie.

Oh, Derek, that's very generous of you. Cheers, buddy.

Actually, sit down.

-I've got a bit of business I might put your way.

-Oh, yeah?

Something new. You used to run a bar in Spain, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, how about this? We buy booze over here

and say we're selling it on to your contacts in Spain, right?

Only, only, we knock it out in the Queen Victoria.

That way, we avoid feathering Her Majesty's nest.

-Oh, what, a tax scam, you mean?

-Yeah.

You get on to your mates over there. Pedro or Juan or whoever,

-make sure he gets his lines right.

-Yeah.

Telling you mate, it could be failsafe.

Talking more readies then, d'you reckon?

Make that look like chicken feed.

What can I say, sounds like a nice proposition, Derek.

-Listen. Why don't you have a think about it.

-All right.

-We'll about it talk later.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Salud.

-Salud.

Still got it, Hev. Still got it.

What's the matter?

Um...

I'm so sorry, Shirl, I really am.

It's just that...Andrew, he's planned this big night for us

and I feel awful about letting him down.

But then I feel terrible about leaving you in the lurch,

especially when Phil wouldn't see you yesterday.

And I've been worrying about it all day

-and I don't know what to do and I just...

-Well, just go.

You sure?

I ain't going to top myself over a night out.

You look beautiful. Andrew's a very lucky man.

So, she's forgiven you for making a scene, then?

She agreed it was a bad night to spend with a friend.

Andrew, be careful, love, eh?

-Don't worry, Ma, we're fine.

-What's he done now?

What? Oh, nothing. Just nervous about giving Heather the ring.

Would you do it? Get engaged again.

-Like a shot. Why, wouldn't you?

-Don't see the point, really.

Wouldn't mind a bit of male company, few laughs, few drinks.

But get your life all mixed up with them again, all that palaver.

No, thank you.

KEYS RATTLE IN DOOR

Oh, how's Jim? Did he get you a Valentine's?

Oh, yes, he leapt straight out of bed, bright as a button,

you know, skipped down to the shop,

picked me out a lovely Valentine's card.

Sorry. No, he weren't up to visitors.

And, anyway, I got more to do with my time

than worry about commercial stuff like Valentine's Day.

You're not a total cynic, are you? It was your wedding day.

Ten years ago today. Why? What of it?

Grandad. Your Valentine's saviour has arrived.

Rox, you're an angel, sweetheart. Oh, Paddy, good job, mate.

Have the rest of the night off. Thanks for holding the reins.

Thank you, brother. You're a good man, you know.

-Shenice is upstairs with Amy.

-Perfect.

I've got nanny cam on, make sure they're not starting any riots.

Result. First drink is on the house, then.

Really? How's that?

Because you feel warm-hearted towards the kind soul

that helped put your daughter back upstairs.

Jean, listen, sweetheart. You could be a real life saver

if you don't mind having a look over at the books,

just to make sure we can pay some of the bills on time.

I'd really appreciate it. Yeah? Thank you, sweetheart.

-You let the old fruit loop do your books?

-Oi, oi, not nice.

-Besides, she's a whizz on the old calculator.

-Hello, mate.

-Is this a Moon reconciliation?

-If you want to call it that.

Come on, girls. Spill the beans. What happened?

Well, couple of weeks back, full moon, it was,

we stayed up all night holding hands till sunrise. We sang Kumbaya.

Staring at the stars. Beautiful, it was.

Talking of beautiful, shouldn't you be out with Janine?

Celebrating. Valentine's, in a restaurant and that.

Please, Janine and Valentine's Day? Nah.

-Out of order, innit? I told 'em seven o'clock.

-Hmm.

So, what we going to do now, then?

'Bout fish and chips?

-What? And stay in?

-We don't have to.

Yeah, all right. Yeah, no, great.

-You go back if you want. I'll pick 'em up.

-OK.

Oi oi.

-All right?

-All right?

Yeah. Heard you'd been giving Jack a bit of good advice.

He's in a bit of a state, I just told him, you know, be sensible.

Oh, right, watch your kid being brought up by a Mitchell.

Very sensible, Max(!)

Lauren. All right, girls?

Look at you two, you look lovely. Going inside?

Am I mad?

Hold that a minute.

You take this, and you two buy yourself a cocktail, eh?

On me. Go on, have some fun.

Thanks, but I sort of promised my dad that I'd lay off the booze for a bit.

He thinks I've taken it a bit far recently.

What?

Nothing, it's just,

if you'd have seen your dad at your age, well, you'd find it funny too.

Go on, go inside, have some fun. You look gorgeous.

Thank you.

Look at all this get up, I told you I didn't want to come.

I'm going to have one tomato juice and then I'm going home.

Ah, Dorothy, be still my beating heart, a vision of loveliness.

Don't be so daft, Alfie.

-Stop flirting, you two, she'll have a sherry.

-Right.

-Tomato juice.

Sherry. And I'll have a white wine. Rose?

Shouldn't we see if a gentleman would like to do the honours?

Tight as a gnat's backside, you.

In that case, I'll have a Gin and It. Double.

Single.

Here we go. One for you, one for you.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

-To us.

To us. Rox, how does Shirl seem to you?

Err. Like Shirley, why?

No reason.

So I've asked for a table by the window.

S'posed to have blinding views of the river.

-Unicorn'll pick us up at eight.

-Lovely.

Yeah, would be if you stopped sulking about your stupid mate.

-I don't know why I bother sometimes.

-I'm going to the loo.

I thought it was saw you. You remind me of my Jim when we was courting.

So? How's it looking?

That bad, huh?

We can pay these bills.

Just.

But we could do without the extra staffing costs.

Good evening, ladies. How are you? Can I get you a drink?

-Just got one, darling.

-Next one's on me.

I didn't see him get here.

It's like he arrived with a girl surgically attached.

So, what's new?

Yo, yo, yo. Big love out to my R&R massive, all right.

I hope you've got a special lady in your life or a special guy.

If not, you better find one but this one is going out to my girl, Whit.

The most beautiful girl in the room. Baby, this one's for you.

-Is that alcohol?

-No, it's magical fairy juice.

-Lauren, are you all right?

-Mm. Yes, I am now.

How tacky can you get?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Totally.

D'you want a drink?

Oi, oi. Seen Tyler?

I just wanted tonight to be special.

Do you think Heather'll love you any more

-just cause it's Valentine's Day?

-No, you're right.

Course not.

Every day is special when you've got someone in your life.

You remember that, Andrew. Hev.

What was Mrs Branning saying?

I want you to go out with Shirley.

-But...

-No, no. I was wrong to lose my temper,

you was only being the kind, thoughtful woman I love.

And besides, we've got a whole lifetime to spend together.

Thank you.

I'll pick up George from the babysitter.

Just one thing. Be back by midnight, yeah?

-Why?

-Just do it, please.

Course.

I love you.

-Mind if I join you, Paddy?

-Please.

Could do with some grown-up company. Rose thinks she's in a time warp.

She thinks it's 1963.

THEY BOTH LAUGH

Eh, what can I get you?

Get me a G&T with a twist of lemon and I'll be right back.

Height of romance, this, innit?

You're the one with ketchup on your chin.

-Have I? Where?

-Come here.

Here, you can finish those, I'm stuffed.

-You hot?

-I am a bit, yeah.

-Take that cardy off.

Actually, I'll turn the heating down.

-Can you just relax, take it off.

-I'll just turn the heating down.

Waste of money, having it on full blast.

You made the right choice, Hev. I feel a vintage night coming on.

-Woo Woo?

-Woohoo!

You think you'll make it to the dance floor later?

-Dancing ain't really my thing.

-Adorable, ain't they?

-Who?

-Fatboy and Whit. Wonder when they'll do it?

-Do what?

-Get hitched.

-They're engaged?

-Well, not yet, but I have my sources.

You mean...he's going to propose?

Watch this space. Laters.

Every time I look around, you are with a different girl.

I'm single, ain't hurting anyone.

I know, but I don't think Whitney'd be too impressed.

-She's with Fatboy.

-Every time she looks up, she's looking at you.

Fatboy? Can I have any Hazell Dean?

Hazell...? Nah, sorry, Hev, we don't do requests, babe.

And his collection doesn't go as far back as the Stone Age.

All I'm saying is, if a guy was going to surprise me

-that is how I'd like him to do it.

-Really? Nah, nah, nah.

Whitney don't like to be centre of attention.

I was going to do it later, when we was alone, after the set.

Trust me.

Lucky I bought that drink myself. Spend all night waiting for you.

Didn't feel like it, sorry.

He's in a delightful mood(!)

I'm with you on this one, Patrick.

Valentine's Day, load of old nonsense, that's what I think.

Pat drank G&Ts. With a twist of lemon.

Yeah. It can feel callous, can't it?

Everyone carrying on as if nothing had happened.

But we all miss her.

How's Jim?

Good evening, gentlemen. Looking for love this evening, are you?

Not sure my missus would be too thrilled about that.

-We believe there are stolen cables on the premises.

-That right?

Got a warrant. Mind if we take a look?

No, course. No, not at all. If you'd like to come round.

-Come on, come on.

-I practically own this place.

OK, all right, one track. And one track only.

-Yeah!

-No.

-Woo!

I need to speak to you.

-What?

-Look, I know I've got no right, but I don't want you to do it.

-Do what?

-You're too young, you'll end up regretting it.

-You're drunk.

OK, guys and girls, sorry to break up the tunes. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

-I like you, OK?

-You're unbelievable.

-I mean it.

As it's Valentine's Day, I got an announcement.

-You like me, what does that mean?

-You know what it means.

As you've probably guessed, I've got a special lady in my life.

-You're going round kissing every girl. You kissing away the pain?

-Yeah.

And I was just wanted to ask her something.

-Woo!

-OK, look, you're right. You're so right.

Whitney Dean, can you please step up?

But there is a reason I can't stick with any one girl. It's you.

Ah. Um. Whit?

All right? It's you.

-Awkward.

-LAUGHTER

-She must be in the toilet.

-Whit, please, don't.

It's too late. It's too late.

Whitney, babe, don't stand me up now.

Oh, OK, here she is, here she is, make a round of applause

-for my beautiful lady, Whitney.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Now, I told you I had a surprise for you, right?

-Yeah.

-How do you feel about a trip to Paris?

-Awww.

Huh, huh? Yeah? Good times. Let's get this party rocking.

OK, all looks fine. Sorry to have wasted your time.

No, no, not at all. Cheers, fellas, thank you.

Ah! Ah! Ah-ha-ha-ha!

Out, you two, out.

-You can't throw me out, my old man's the guv'nor.

-What you doing?

Oi, guys, guys, guys. You two, you're just so cute.

-Ow, ow.

-No, you are.

Know what, I think we should get you home.

What? No, no, no, I can't go home.

You can't tell my dad about this, please, promise, Whitney.

-Listen, Lauren, baby, we won't.

-Oh, it's Amira.

-What's your problem?

-What d'you mean?

Fancy me, don't you?

Sweetheart, I was just messing with you. STDs aren't really my thing.

Derek, listen, I can't do it, mate. I'm really sorry.

-What?

-No, listen, I need to think about my family, all right.

Kat's nerves are already shot looking after her old man

and she'll never forgive me if I get myself banged up again.

Who said anything about jail?

No, no, it's just too risky, that's all.

Alfie, Alfie, Alfie.

You're all shook up, that's understandable.

Old bill sniffing around the place.

-But did they find anything? Did they?

-No.

No. That's right. And do you know why?

Because I am a professional, always one step ahead.

And I never, ever shaft my mates.

It's family, ain't it, eh?

That's what's holding you back? You see, I find that ironic.

Cos if that was me, I'd jump at the chance to earn a bit of extra dough,

for my kiddies, for my missus.

For my security. Own this place, do you?

No, no, I don't.

No. Well...

..it's your choice, mate.

All right, hold on, Derek, OK.

All right, I'm in. I'm in, all right. OK, I'm in.

EXPLOSION ON TV

How much did I miss?

Er, three fights, a love scene and a car chase. Nothing much.

I think I need to go to bed.

I'll turn it off, babe, it's not that good anyway.

No, you're all right, stay and watch the end.

Night, night.

I love you, Tanya.

And you.

'Ere, what's the time, Shirl?

It's early.

It's just that, Andrew's at mine and he's waiting up for me,

I promised I'd be back by 12.

Ah, look at your eyes, practically got hearts in them.

It's all good, is it?

Yeah. All good.

Sorry about Phil.

Least I didn't marry him.

Maybe you're better off without him, Shirl. I mean, maybe Ben was right.

I don't want to talk about it.

So, here we are.

Back to square one.

Drunk, washed-up, old cow...

..with no family, nowhere to call home.

But there is one plus.

This kebab, hitting the spot.

You're not alone, Shirl.

There you go.

Oh, no, no. No, I shouldn't. You know, special occasions only.

To Jim and Pat.

To Jim and Pat.

To love.

To love.

Marcio, listen mate,

we are talking more money than you've ever dreamed of, all right?

His name's Derek Branning, he's, like, my business partner,

so he's going to iron out the details.

Listen, I'll give you a ring tomorrow. Hasta luego.

Take care, bye.

Did I just hear you say that Derek Branning is your business partner?

MUSIC: "Careless Whisper" by George Michael

MUSIC: "The Power Of Love" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood

-And Derek did this, did he? When?

-Oh, yeah, two weeks ago.

Do you understand, Alfie, do you understand?

-He is dangerous.

-Michael, why didn't you say anything?

I asked you earlier. Why did you say nothing?

I didn't know you were going to get into bed with him, did I?

It only looked weird when the old bill arrived, funny looks.

Yeah, well, he's all right with me.

Don't be so naive, Alfie! The geezer can turn on a sixpence.

You don't get ten years inside for shop lifting.

You don't know what he's capable of.

Think you're all that, don't ya?

Excuse me?

Bossing my brother around like he's your servant.

-He ain't, all right?

-I don't think you should speak to me like that.

He's not even your type, is he?

No, you like a bad boy, don't you?

-How dare you.

-Someone like me.

-In your dreams, Tyler.

-Only a matter of time.

See, Anthony and girls like you, they don't mix.

I'm not sure he'd agree.

Oi. Come here.

What is wrong with you, eh? What is wrong with you?

Who knows when Tiff's school uniform was last washed!

Yeah, but shouldn't you be washing your French fancies?

Oh!

Ooh-la-la!

Mwah! Ooh-la-la!

Ant.

Anthony.

DOOR SLAMS

I am so jealous. Who's going to cover for me while you're away?

If I slip up again? Imagine, right, imagine me

coming down at Lucy's facing Sir Ian of Beale in his dressing gown!

It's got to be better than actually hanging round with Lucy Beale, isn't it?

-She's all right, you know.

-That's probably what they said about Rose West.

Whitney!

Hey! Nice jumper, Whit.

Top night, eh?

Apart from Tyler trying it on with me.

He's a sleaze bag, eh?

You know, you two made a lucky escape. Well, all three of us.

Well, I'd love to stand around and gossip all day, but...

I'll see you later.

Yes, love?

So sorry, Andrew. I hope you managed to get George into nursery OK.

Give me a call back, please, yeah?

It was a classic night, maid of honour.

When I get married, it won't change anything between you and me.

-You'd better get back to him indoors.

-Yeah.

See you.

-I was drunk.

-Oh, shove your excuses.

-Look, Amira ain't my type.

I'm not Amira's type. But she saw something in me and you had to go and ruin it.

She was just there, mate. I don't know what I was doing.

-You know what it is? Cos you can't have Whitney, you thought you'd have a bit of mine.

-No!

-Don't want me to be happy. Never have, have you?

-Whoa, whoa, girls, girls!

-Lost your knickers?

-Let's forget about this.

Just forget about it? Like I had to forget about Jodie?

-He tried it on with Amira.

-And this surprises you?

It's hardly worth falling out over. You've only been seeing her a half hour.

-I'm sorry.

-You're sorry? You know, it's Fatboy I feel sorry for.

-It's only a matter of time before you start dumping on him.

-I wouldn't.

-No?

Michael, make him disappear.

Come on, let's go down the gym.

-Let's work it all out there.

-I want to go for a run first.

Yeah, maybe in front of a bus.

Andrew?

-Cheese fondue.

-Messy.

-All right, chocolate fountain.

-Urgh, sickly.

-Oh, Andrew, hello. Where's Heather?

-If you find out, let me know.

Oh, I knew it. Cold feet.

Nonsense. Andrew,

your mother's bought a suit for George for the wedding without consulting Heather.

I got it from the charity shop.

If there's money left over, put it behind the bar,

-give the guests a good knees-up.

-It's a wedding,

not an Highland fling. Anyway, a week ago, you couldn't give two hoots.

Yeah, well, it took me a while to warm to Heather,

-but now...

-You're lucky to have her as a daughter-in-law

because Heather has got a heart two sizes too big.

She puts everyone before herself.

Unless she's getting dragged away by Burley Carter.

Who?

Thank you for looking after George.

Did I have a choice?

Erm, you know, on the way here, I realised the date.

A year ago, I was nearly dead.

There were fumes from this dodgy boiler

in my lonely, grotty old bedsit.

This morning, I realised just what I've got.

A best friend who would do anything for me,

two generous ladies who are just like mums,

who are doing everything, you know, to make our big day perfect...

..a gorgeous, healthy little boy...

..and a big, strong man who makes me feel on top of the world...

..and I can't believe how far I've come.

Give me that.

Take that off.

Perfect fit.

We are, aren't we?

-I love you.

-I love you, too.

Chef's phoned in sick. So, there's no chickens or jerks in here today.

Treating yourself?

-I'm taking a break, Patrick. From sobriety.

-Again?

Maybe we could get our heads together, you know,

before Heather's wedding?

-I could do with some advice about giving her away.

-Yeah, yeah.

Here you go, Paddy, strong and black.

-Just like my favourite barman.

-Thank you, brother.

Listen, I'm not in, OK? I'm not in.

Derek, fancy a drink?

Cos there's a really good pub about four postcodes away.

Well, any time you need a bit of company, Shirley.

I've heard the washed-up ones are always more grateful.

Is Alfie about?

Erm, the cash and carry.

Right.

-Tell him I'll call back later.

-Mm.

Can't believe you're dragging me here.

-Me, too.

-You missed your last scan. It's important.

SHE GROANS IN PAIN

Are you OK?

-No, not really.

-What's the matter?

-What's wrong with Lola?

-It's a big pain. You two not talking.

-Lola!

-Well, come on, just stop being pathetic and call a truce, yeah?

Abi!

-The big mouth?

-Don't start on her.

For the baby's sake.

Look, Ben, come and see the baby with us, yeah?

Needs all the friends it can get round here. Please?

All right.

Ah!

Fats, I ain't got time. I ain't even packed yet.

Well, you know, I thought we could get in the mood, mademoiselle.

You know, a little le vin rouge and le fromage, huh?

It's the morning.

-Exactement.

-You know I hate red wine.

Moi, aussi. But when in France, girl.

-I'll change it for a coffee, then.

-All right.

-I'll do that for you.

Paris, eh? Aren't you lucky?

-Yeah.

-I wouldn't be surprised if you came back with a ring on your finger.

-Hopefully not. Just a massive hangover.

-Really?

Mr Commitment over there sporting a gold-embossed capital C!

You've struck gold, Whitney.

A best friend and a lover.

Phil and I have never been best friends.

You know, even when things are good between us,

we've never been friends. But then, who wants a man to tell you

that you've got nice shoes and wants to sit down and do

the Countdown Conundrum with you?

No, I need a man that bowls me over and you know, Phil still does it.

He still sets me on fire.

You know, if I were you, Whit,

I wouldn't leave that hotel room in Paris.

Hey up. Gang's all here. Going anywhere nice?

Her scan.

Oh, right.

I didn't want a fuss.

-Well, it should have be her 12-week scan, but she missed that, so...

-Yeah, I know.

I kept asking when your next appointment is.

Yeah, well, I'm going to hospital now, ain't I?

-Have my place, Bill, if you want.

-You can have mine and all, if you want.

Thanks for keeping me informed.

You've seen it. These lot ain't. I did think it'd be a laugh.

Oh, yeah, really funny keeping me out of the loop.

-Have I got "mug" tattooed on my forehead?

-No, "fuss". Fuss. All the time.

You're doing my head in.

Why is she worth you fighting and sleeping through Walford?

-What's so special about her?

-I should ask Janine the same question about you.

You need to move on, brother.

I can't. I can't. And it's driving me mental!

It's driving me mental seeing you like this.

Come on, you've got to tell her.

-I promised Fatboy I wouldn't go there.

-She was yours first, weren't she?

Paris, man.

It's pathetic.

Why would you want to go and sightsee

when you've got the most beautiful girl to look at?

The biggest, kindest eyes, man, and her smile...

Paris.

Bruv, let me tell you, if that was me,

we'd go to Great Auntie Moon's caravan in Wales.

Laying under a duvet for a week, listening to the rain outside.

I'd go to Paris, myself.

HE LAUGHS

-You've got to tell her.

-She knows, man.

Yeah, I bet she does, watching you pull anything that moves.

Most people just send flowers.

-I'm such an idiot.

-Mm.

You've got to tell her before she goes.

Delivery for Alfie Moon. No signature required.

OK. Right, and no questions required either. Right, Paddy?

Paris is just the start, sweetheart, all right?

When I'm big in the Balearics, I'll buy us a little villa - you in a two-piece, sipping cocktails.

Then, David Guetta coming round for tips and that.

Yeah, well, I won't be going anywhere if I don't pack.

-See you later.

-All right, baby.

Whitney!

-Look. You're going on this holiday, right?

-Yeah.

You have a lovely time,

staring at old paintings and going up old towers.

Looking down your nose at me?

See, I suppose your idea of a holiday would be Vegas, probably.

Strippers, slot machines, different girl every night of the week.

No, look. I said I like you. Well, I don't, all right?

Cos that's what you say about a pair of jeans or your dinner.

And I have never felt this way before.

But if you don't think the same - fine.

Well, not fine, but it'll have to be.

And I promise I'll leave you alone.

-But if there is a chance...

-No, I don't feel the same.

Tyler, what are you doing? Put me down!

What are you doing?!

Are you sure you don't feel the same?

Fats should knock you out for that.

Shall I get you a plaster?

-For that wounded ego?

-What?

Last night. Look. I was just getting you back

for how you treated my mates in the past.

Someone had to make a stand.

Wow. A proper feminist.

So, what is this, another game?

I'm sorry you fell out with Anthony last night.

-What's that got to do with you?

-Well, I'm close to my brother. He's my twin.

When we fall out, I just know how much it hurts.

Drop by later and I'll throw in some free chips, yeah? No hard feelings?

It'll take a free fish, peas and curry sauce for that.

Well, as long as my dad doesn't find out. Mates?

Yeah.

I'm really glad you and Heather have made up. You know, calmed down.

Heather and George. You know, they keep me in check.

Good. Well, if there's anything you need me to help you with.

I'm not being funny, Andrew, but, I mean, Dot hardly knows you.

She knows Heather, she knows what she likes.

And if Heather's happy, then so am I.

That's why you'll make a lovely husband.

It's his day, too.

And it's not your day. Cake?

No, thanks. The amount of birthdays you've ruined.

-I can't wait to see what you've got in store for when it matters.

-I've always made your birthdays fun.

-Yeah? Fifth birthday - house full of strangers from the pub.

-You DO surprise me(!)

Me eating cake off the floor where it'd been dropped.

You're not usually so fussed where your cake comes from.

You know, I'd been asking and asking for this red toy motorbike.

Saw it in the window every day.

Opened my present, it was a football.

It was leather.

-All boys like football.

-Anything I ever wanted, you never listened.

Auntie Dot, I don't suppose you could help me choose?

Oh, well, I'm no style expert,

but then, two heads are better than one.

Let's have a look. Oh, nice.

KEYS JANGLE

So, I've just seen Whitney.

Yeah?

Mmm.

She's at home. Right now.

Packing matching lingerie, bruv!

HE LAUGHS

Here. Erm, look, I found these.

Old man must've brought them back from Spain.

You have them.

Mate, there's like 50 euros here.

Just have a good time with Whitney, man.

Thanks, brother. Nice one.

You know what? Come here, come here. Thank you, bruv.

FATBOY LAUGHS

THEY LAUGH

This ain't the one where you can see whether it's got a winky or not.

This is just...

This is just to see how far gone, you know...

Check everything's all right.

I've got a little girl - Janet.

She, erm... She has Down's Syndrome.

I wouldn't change her for the world, but it's a worry, ain't it?

-I mean, at this stage, you know, you just want to hear a heartbeat.

-Pops, will you just listen?

BABY'S HEARTBEAT THUMPS

HE SNIFFS

You promised.

Sorry.

Bonjour, sweetheart. Ready to go? I guess you need a hand picking out something to wear.

I can't go.

What? Babe?

I've got coursework coming out my ears

and my boss had a go at me cos it's too short notice or something.

-Well, you know I can't put a foot wrong there again.

-This is why you need the break.

I've got too much on, Fats.

That's exactly why you need the break.

Yeah, well, I do want to go to Paris with you...

No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

But you'd prefer to write an essay or to be on time

-for that unpaid work you do at the playgroup?

-Kiss me.

What? Why?

Just do it.