26/02/2012 EastEnders Omnibus

-You are my kind of breakfast.

-Never been called breakfast before.

Breakfast, lunch. Dinner.

Don't worry, he's gone out.

Fatboy doesn't get up this early. Not when he's not working.

Yeah, it's awkward, ain't it?

This is our fault. We've got to make it OK.

OK.

Janine!

So, single guy, loads of time on my hands. Loads of energy.

I told you it wouldn't last.

-So, I was wondering about another club night?

-Ha-ha.

Another consignment tomorrow, yeah?

-Yeah, I'll sort you out next week, though, yeah?

-Cash, now.

-How is she?

-Yeah, she's good.

Jack, we got to go, really, we're in a bit of a hurry.

-I'll walk with you.

-Give him five minutes, eh?

Can you not just keep your fat nose out of anything?

-Oi. You mess with my brother, you mess with me.

-Derek.

Except I'm not messing with him, am I? He knows his days.

And today ain't one of them.

You want to come for a walk with Auntie Shirley? Yeah?

Oh, don't do that, you'll give her nightmares.

Look, I gave you a club night and you spent most of it

giving a shout out to, what was it?

Oh, "My girl, Whitney, you're so peng."

Come on, man, it was banging in there.

Yeah. With people that didn't spend a penny.

Apart from on the toilet floor. It's dog eat dog.

Yeah, and Fats is hungry.

I've seen more appetite on an anorexic hamster with a broken leg.

What do you want, Janine?

Coffee, please, and maybe some service with a smile.

Come on, Lady J, all right. Give me one more shot.

Give me one more night. Have I told you how nice your hair looks today?

No. Blud.

Go on, Janine.

Listen, you need to learn to grab your chance when you can.

Ask Tyler.

-Fats.

-We're cool, innit. You cool? You cool? I'm cool.

-I'm cool, you cool?

-Cool.

Everybody's cool, then, innit? Great. So, great.

So, I go to Sonia's and you're with Fatboy.

And I come back, and now you're with the letch.

Awkward. Keep the change.

Just don't.

Are you forgetting what he did to Michael?

No, listen, I got rent to pay, bills to pay, OK.

Need to save every penny we can.

And give all those pennies to Derek? The man's dangerous.

He must be making what? Six quid a bottle.

And he's selling it to you for two quid cheaper than kosher.

Know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to find out where he gets them from. Deal directly.

Just cut out the middle man.

-Then you're on your own, son.

-Thank you, Paddy.

I hope you know what you're doing.

Course I know what I'm doing, I'm Alfie Moon, ain't I?

You and Peroxide back there. Shirley, smirking away.

You got any idea what this is going to cost?

Don't act like you ain't bothered, Jack.

You want to do your fighting, do it in the ring.

I ain't going to let them two destroy my family.

Get a screwdriver to this lot, look at the state of it.

OK.

Open.

Um, is that it?

You wanted to stay in this business. This is how it goes.

Do you want a day's work?

What? Shifting this lot? It's a piece of pie.

-We haven't got enough money for staff.

-Since when?

Since my ex-wife started bleeding me dry.

Let the Fats put a little love into it and you can watch these babies fly.

-Yes!

-No, Christian's away working his socks off,

I'm here doing every hour I can.

-You're hired.

-You're fired.

-Syed!

You know what, times are hard, don't play on my emotions, please.

I've got a meeting with the shipping people.

Um, so who's going to look after the stall?

I'm not the one that dumped the poor boy.

The day after Valentine's.

Yeah, well, you need a good DJ.

Billy!

Everyone loves his tunes, you know?

Excuse me, pregnant woman. Trip hazard.

OK, I'm shifting them.

Do you know how many cocktails I sold that night? Champagne? None.

Toilets broken? Two. Shall I do it again?

Hmm. No.

You really are showing your age, Janine.

I mean, for someone who runs a club you ain't half out of touch.

Guilty conscience. Ouch.

What I'm trying to say is you've got a pile of cheap vodka here, right?

Look at clubs out in Romford, fiver on the door, pound a drink.

You do that here, you'll have kids queuing round the block.

Just trust me. You do the sums.

She said she'd do lunchtime.

Well, she wants to do the stall.

In those heels?

OK, maybe "wants to" is pushing it a bit.

So, it's a good job our gorgeous Maitre D' is back.

Sorry, is that gorgeous in the hideously deformed, elephant man sense?

No. Just gorgeous.

I can't even carry anything that heavy.

Well, your dad said a mate from the mosque has a son looking for work.

We can't afford that.

Kind of got no choice.

Husband and wife running a business.

You'd have thought we'd have looked at our parents and learned but...

Amira. Amira working the market.

Please.

Show me what to do.

Just looking, just looking. Well, this, this is lovely.

Usually 30, but seeing as it's you, I'll do it for a tenner.

I'll put it here, yeah, stuff it in your bag, do whatever.

I'll turn around, I'm not looking.

-It's only a tenner, tenner.

-OK, then.

-Yeah. Thank you.

You'll love it, you'll absolutely love it.

-There you go.

-Thank you.

-Cheers, have a lovely day.

Take care, bye-bye.

Amazing. I'll give you a cut of the profits.

-Deal. Boom.

-Yes.

Just look at him, sniffing round her. I know how boys' minds work.

Yeah, cos yours are such ladies' men, right?

Eating my food, playing my Ludo. He doesn't fool me.

It's her that doesn't understand.

She's only ever had to fight homosexuals off before.

Syed was not a homosexual back then.

-Oh, maybe she'll turn Anthony too.

-Ah.

I thought she had no money for staff.

-He's probably not gay enough, darling.

-Denise!

Fats!

One chance. Don't blow it.

Lady J, you are not going to regret this, you know that.

Well, you know, every loser deserves a break. You're on tonight.

# I'm on tonight, on tonight on tonight. #

Um...

I mean, it's good to just be friends, isn't it?

-He's just helping out on the stall.

-The thing about young men...

-She's worried he'll try and ravish you over them T-shirts.

-Denise.

Or he'll just jump you, get you pregnant.

Ruin your life, ruin his own.

Only joking. Got any oil for hinges?

Yes, it's round the corner, bottom shelf.

When he was at the Vic, it was a different girl every morning.

I don't think Amira needs to hear that.

Or was that Tyler?

They were both swanning around with just their skimpy pants on.

I was trying to have a private conversation here.

Look, there is nothing going on. He's not old enough.

He's not rich enough. He's not Muslim enough. OK?

Roxy! Rox! Listen.

About what I said earlier. What I said last week.

Well, I only did what any mother would do.

Course you did. And I respect you for that.

Course you do, Derek. What d'you want?

Look, Jack's still got his access days, I'm still Amy's uncle.

Why don't we bury the hatchet, eh? For her sake.

-I'm busy.

-She said she's busy.

Get your hands off me!

Look. It's the club. The CCTV camera's gone on the blink.

Oh, really? Oh, and that is my problem because why?

I'm an old boy, I don't know how that stuff works.

Aw, Derek, am I supposed to feel sorry for you?

-Look, Phil said that you and Ronnie had it installed, eh?

-Yeah.

-And seeing that I'm running the place for him...

-I said no.

Woah, some people would call that stalking.

Haven't you got prisons to visit?

I am talking tunes, all right.

Some big boy beats, and some bad boy bassline. Plus cheap drinks.

Oh, I understood that bit.

And there's going to be boys there, all with multipacks and that.

-Not that I'm drinking.

-And who wants a boy? I want a man.

You ask and the Fatboy will provide.

Just make sure you're both there.

Tell me that is not what I think it is?

-Whitney, tell me that you're not?

-It's cool. Just chill out.

-No! Whitney!

-I hope you washed him down first.

All right, all right, let's just get back to the main event, yeah?

Big up to Janine, props to her, innit? She changed her mind.

-That's wicked.

-Yeah, I knew you'd persuade her.

What?

Is it National Society of Protection of Fatboy day

-or something?

-Fats, listen to me, I'm sorry.

I told her cos you deserve it.

I stand on my own two feet now.

She was just helping you out, Fats.

You know what? This is long.

Forget tonight, all right. Forget it all, man.

This is long, yeah. Get out my way, I ain't nobody's joke.

Oh, you're back early.

I understand Anthony's getting a cut of our profits?

-If it's the money...

-It's about a business partner not pulling her weight.

-Woah, don't talk to her like that.

-Sorry?

-Why do you always embarrass me?

-Why do you have to be a princess?

Either you're in this business or you're out.

-Great.

-You can do this, all right.

I don't see why I should.

How about you do it to prove him wrong?

There you are. Customer.

Just looking, just looking.

Anthony says you're cutting Derek out of the booze scheme.

I say a lot of things.

Yeah, well, I'm in. Give us a beer, will you?

I liked Eddie more than Eddie liked me.

And I liked Norman more than Norman liked me.

Men are like cardigans. You've got to try a lot on.

Not that you need a man. Or a cardigan.

Mama Jean.

Or a frog or a pebble.

Or a fish...in the sea.

It's out there somewhere. Love. Not the cardigan.

You saw him. He's gutted.

Maybe we should back off a little bit.

Can't we just go somewhere and curl up till it all goes away?

Sounds like my kind of afternoon.

Hey. You don't have to thank me.

I'm sure there's a bench in Heaven with my name on it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, Fatboy's been banging on about it.

He's really excited, it's going to be great.

-Well, it better had be.

-It will be.

Tyler, he's our mate. He's our mate, they all are.

So, you and me, we have to sort this out.

-We have to.

-OK.

The thing is, Billy, Derek's got a lot of mates.

-And I'm not in the loop.

-Phil'd know. He's got contacts.

-He is a nasty piece of work.

-Yeah, Paddy.

I'd love to see him get what's coming to him. But I don't want to see you in a box.

I appreciate that, but it's not your battle.

Anything to wipe that smile off Derek's face.

You're cutting Derek out?

You working here now?

While Kat's away. Leopard print's upstairs, get it on.

Hold on, I said Derek. Are you?

-Well, no, not actually cutting him out.

-Why not? Why?

What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Which is a shame cos right now...

I'm going to find out who his contact is.

Are you? Yeah? How?

No. So, it's a good job I'm here, isn't it?

Lauren.

Lauren, wait.

Two seconds.

Look, it just happened so fast.

-I don't know, I just didn't have a chance to tell you.

-Hmm.

-But it's different, it feels right.

-Yeah, and you trust him, do you?

Course I do. He was just waiting for the right girl.

You do know that Fatboy loves you?

Yeah, I know. And I love him too. I do.

Just as a mate. That's the whole reason I'm doing this.

Yeah, it's a bit obvious.

You're just doing exactly what Mercy did to him.

I know it's wrong. I know it's wrong.

But I can't love two people at the same time.

I can't lie, Lauren.

You don't half know how to make things complicated.

Come here.

You got five minutes.

-Right, text everyone you know.

-Everyone?

Everyone. And you, can you design some sort of flyer?

-Just make it, make it good.

-That's not much of a brief, is it?

Happy Mondays. No, Manic Mondays.

-Manic Mondays.

-Yeah.

-Put it online.

Right, it's a fiver on the door, pound a drink.

-Where you going?

-I've got to go distract Fats.

To get his laptop thingamajiggy over there. You coming?

-Yeah, definitely.

-See you in a bit.

-So, you Whitney's new boyfriend now?

-That's a bit personal.

-Well, it's very hard to keep up.

-No, you don't. Sit down.

Right, you just got to jiggle it about a bit,

stick it with a bit of gum, yeah?

Are you looking at my bum?

-I'm not very good with heights.

-Cos don't.

Had a fall once. Nearly broke my neck.

Awful what can happen.

That was a lot of vodka you were unloading earlier.

Why? D'you want a case? I've heard you like a drink.

You still get it off that guy in Leyton that Phil used to use?

-What's it to you?

-Just wondering.

No, I know a man. And he's not from Leyton.

If that's what you want to know.

-How's that?

-PHONE RINGS

Oh, hold up.

Hello, mate. Yeah, all off-loaded.

Yeah, same again next week.

I'll let you know.

-Well, thank you very much. You can go now.

-So, this guy...

You said five minutes, I've taken up more of your time already.

You can go now.

You're just like your brother, aren't you? You got no manners.

Send Amy my love.

No.

Roxy.

And nice bum.

-It's not what you think.

-What?

-I don't know what you think.

-What do I think?

-That I'm only after her for one thing.

-My sister ain't...

Will you go upstairs and stop earwigging?

It's not like that. Not with Whitney.

I know your game. Different bird every week.

-I'm not playing games.

-If you do I'll play football with your head.

-I have to pick up the pieces.

-There's not going to be pieces.

-If there are...

-You got me to mess with.

-Tiff, go upstairs.

-I told you I like her.

-You'll have to do more than that.

Like really, really like her.

But do you love her?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

All right, Tam?

-How you doing?

-Hmm.

Unless you're after 15 kilos of mango chutney, I'm kind of busy.

No, see, we need you to distract Fatboy.

Just put on In The Night Garden.

No, seriously, you need to keep him here.

Why don't I like the sound of that?

Because...

because we split up, and now I'm with Tyler,

-and he's really upset about it.

-There's no dust on you.

Please, Tam. Please, just trust me, OK?

Fatboy. Can you just give me a hand?

Yeah, man, course. No worries, man.

Please.

It's all about the cheekbones, bruv.

I need to get me some cheekbones.

I still can't believe you and Whitney. I didn't see it coming.

Yeah, well, the thing about relationships, is that...

-She fancies him.

-Is that there ain't no sat nav, you know.

-Not one that works.

-Definitely fancies him.

And how is a brother supposed to know where he's going

if women have jacked all the sat navs?

I mean, I practically fancy him. I'm not even the gay one.

Hey, this is about me here, right. Not about you.

You're fine you don't need no sat nav. You're married.

Destination is here.

-So, when could you start?

-Afia, can I have a word?

-This is Ali.

-Wrong word.

It's not just your decision.

Your dad found him. He's great.

-Why? Just cos he's got cheekbones.

-What?

Your colleague was just telling me that...

What? She's not my colleague. She's my wife.

OK? The job's gone.

-We need waiters.

-Yeah, Fatboy's starting this evening.

Yeah.

Here every day. Tell your friends.

Well, I'm impressed.

Well, even princesses have their uses.

Put it there, girl. Boom.

I know. It's a long time since anyone's believed

I could do something.

You're going to ruin this now, ain't you, with a but or something?

Yeah?

There you go. Oh, no, no, no, don't go for that.

Go for the lamb. You want to kiss her afterwards. Trust me.

It's like Batman and Robin in your mouth. Kapow!

Fats, why don't you go home early?

-Wow. Fired three times in one day?

-No, no, you're not fired.

Just have the rest of the night off.

Afia.

We're supposed to be keeping an eye on him.

Do you want us to have any business left?

-He's not good-looking enough for you, is that it?

-What?

You want an excuse to get Cheekbones back.

You know what, Tam. I'm not even going to answer that.

Cos you can't. Cos I'm right.

Look, you said people, I gave you people.

These are people you've been out with.

This is a room full of gorgeous girls.

Yes, and the only gorgeous girl I've got my eye on is you.

All right?

-What if he hates it, eh?

-Look, how can he?

Right, there's only one way to find out.

The bloke Phil used to use has moved to Portugal.

And Derek is giving me nothing. Not a whisper.

I think we should drop the whole idea.

Like I said. Let it go.

Well, well, well, now, ain't this cosy?

You're having a laugh, ain't you?

I've been looking for you everywhere.

Come on.

So, you're working here now, are you?

-Alfie needed help.

-And my daughter's where?

-You might want to calm down.

-Amy is fine.

What, sat above a pub with some homeless chav watching DVDs?

Oi! You don't know her. Take that back.

Come on, Jack. Let's play nice.

-No, it's quality parenting.

-Roxy did help me out this morning.

If I hadn't seen her coming out the beauty salon,

-I'd have been in a right bind.

-Coming out the salon?

-Yeah, and what? What is it to you?

-So you take my daughter off me

so you can dump her with strangers and get your nails done?

Get off her back, will you?

Jack. Jack, you dropped the case, remember?

You forced my hand. You said you wanted to be a good mum.

You are palming Amy off all over the place.

-Why don't you just stay out of it?

-And now you're working here.

-Yes, to provide for her.

-Yeah, how's she going to bring herself up?

Jack. Jack, please, please listen to me, all right. Just let it go.

You're going to see her tomorrow. Please let it go.

Come on, Jack, eh?

D'you know what, you,

if you'd just stayed out of it we'd all be all right.

-Oi, oi, Rox.

-Woah, Roxy. Calm down.

You know what the Brannings are like, eh. We've got long memories.

All right? OK?

Come on. You OK, yeah?

All right.

What you smiling about?

Is that Derek's phone?

-You done all this for me?

-No hard feelings, eh?

All set up ready to go, man.

Wait, you done all this for me?

OK, my R&R massive! What going on?

-I love you, Whitney Dean.

-You'd better had.

It's your boy, DJ Fatboy Fats.

Bringing you the finest and biggest beats here in Walford.

This one's for you, Manic Monday crew!

CHEERING

3:34 this afternoon. One received call.

Must have fallen out of his pocket.

Mitchell to the core. So, you reckon he'll deliver straight here?

Do him. And make sure it hurts.

Every time you see her that's what it's going to be like.

Let me take care of it.

As long as she's around, it's going to be like that.

Then, let me take care of it.

-Ain't funny.

-And I ain't laughing.

Accidents happen.

It's my daughter, all right. It's going to be my way.

It ain't going to be silly money, mate. I don't want her topped. Just a little warning.

How about that other bloke you used to use?

Oh, is he? How long did he get?

Well, like my old dad used to say,

"If you want something done properly, do it yourself". Speak to you later.

HE CHUCKLES

-That is what I like to see - a young man working.

-My ears are ringing

with all the moaning going on. I told them, I just play the tunes, I'm not the boss.

Don't stop him! Not now he's finally got started.

Your number one moaner?

Just wind her up and watch her go.

Well, you better not miss anything at all. That is one fearsome woman.

You don't have to tell me, I used to live with the three of them.

-See you.

-See you, man.

All right, Cora, love?

I can't find mine anywhere. I've been looking for it all over the place.

As long as you didn't call Australia. Right, I'm off.

-Where you going?

-I got Amy for the afternoon.

Oh, Roxy being nice for once, is she? What's she after?

Let's not go there, eh?

Oh, let's not say nothing nasty about Roxy. It's pathetic, Jack.

Here you are, the little girl's father,

grateful for a few hours with her.

-You should show her who's boss.

-It's none of your business, is it? Just keep your nose out.

-And stay away from Roxy.

-I never had you down as a doormat, mate.

It's like all them Mitchells, wiping their dirty feet on us.

Andy! Hello, mate!

-How you doing?

-How are you? I thought you were still in the nick.

You can talk. Back door deliveries, no invoices, keep it shtum.

Should've known you'd be in the mix, eh?

Here, you might be just the man I need. Fancy a little one-off job?

For old time's sake?

Oh! I was so absorbed, I didn't hear you.

Going deaf? It's all right, I'll make my own tea.

-I would've thought you'd have had enough tea in that shop of yours.

-Don't get time for a break.

-Hmmm?

All right, stop the pantomime.

Sorry?

I can see you've had another letter. From Snugglepuss.

Sorry, didn't mean to make you jealous.

You've got to be joking! I read the last one.

I like a man who knows where to stick his apostrophes.

-That was just one letter, written in a rush.

-If you say so.

-He's got a way with words. Romantic.

-If you say so.

"You're my first thought in the morning

"and my last thought at night.

"Your lovely photo keeps me warm in my lonely bed.

"I dream of the things we are going to do with each other..."

TO each other, that's what he means.

"I think of you all day long and through the night..."

-Well, I never!

-Oh, Dot, I'm just reading...

-Yes, I heard.

-Where is it?

-Where's what?

-Your megaphone.

She's had another letter from her man friend. She reckons he's romantic.

Romantic? There's another word for that -

pornographic and in my kitchen!

He's just being affectionate.

Who is? Has he got a name?

He DOES have a name and it's a very nice one.

She needs saving from herself.

But fools despise wisdom and instruction.

-That's Proverbs - chapter 1, verse 7.

-Get away.

-All right, Alfie?

-Oh, thanks for that, sweetheart. I was away with the fairies, then.

One dark-haired, cheeky-grinned fairy in particular?

Yes. Yes, of course. And little Tommy.

Have you spoken to them today?

Yeah, there's no change. Sadly, Charlie's still the same.

He'll turn the corner and they'll be back, soon as. You'll see.

Thanks, darling.

You all right, Derek?

Alfie, we're on.

-Is she ready?

-Sorry?

-Amy.

-Good one, Jack. You can't just turn up out of the blue.

-I'm taking her to soft play.

-Says who?

-Roxy. We agreed, two o'clock.

-Well, she never said nothing.

-Amy! Come on, Daddy's here.

-She's not here, Jack. She's gone out with Roxy.

-When? Where they gone?

-When they due back?

-I don't know.

What do you want me to do? Whistle them out of thin air?

I'm getting sick of all of this.

We should be doing what's best for Amy, not scoring points against each other.

-Known Derek long?

-So, have you come far, then?

-No.

-Right.

-Thanks for the tea.

-Any time. Kettle's always on.

Bianca knows she was horrible to you yesterday.

But she is going to make it up to you.

I told her if she didn't, I'd never baby-sit again.

Be nice.

-All right, Fats?

-Yeah, cool.

Do you want to sit down?

-So, did last night go well?

-Yeah, it was bubbling.

-You had a good time, then?

Yeah, man, defo. It was heavy, it was heavy.

-I bet you were well happy.

-Yeah, man. Yeah.

Well, anyway, we better get off cos Bianca did say three.

Oh. So, you going to get the third degree, then, yeah?

-I had that yesterday.

-Oh.

-We were just going to, erm...

-Tea with the kids.

Tiff and Morgan?

Oh, man, they are going to eat you up and spit you out, man. Good luck.

-All right?

-All right.

Cheer up, mate.

I'm all right, man.

-Must be tough, eh?

-It's OK, man. It's OK.

You know, it's a big day. Whit's showing him off to the family.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah. You know, kind of makes them...

-Like an item.

-Yeah.

Like... Like family.

That's important, isn't it?

Aye, aye. Thought you were playing daddies today?

No, in a bit. I might even pick her up tomorrow.

-Slam the door in your face, did she?

-No, nothing like that.

Yeah. Yes, she did. I'm telling you, they're having a laugh.

-They're showing you who's boss.

-Jack! Jack!

-This should be interesting.

-Thought you'd forgotten.

I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I thought we'd be back ages ago.

-It's all right, it's all right.

-Only a wasted afternoon.

-No. Still got an hour, ain't we, sweetheart?

-Jack, I'm sorry, OK?

It's all right. Say goodbye.

-Bye, gorgeous! Bye, baby!

-Bye.

-Have fun!

He's too soft.

He's a good dad.

Dads should be strong.

See you.

Will you just relax? I said everything I needed to say yesterday.

-Pancakes!

-Pancakes!

-Yay! Pancakes!

-I'm not making pancakes.

-Miss said everyone had to make pancakes today.

-Well, Miss can come and make them herself.

-B!

-Nana Pat made them last year.

-Yeah, when you were in prison.

All right. Well, I'll go and buy a box of mix.

I can make pancakes.

Yeah, don't need no mix. Eggs, flour, bit of milk.

Old man's speciality.

-What's he doing here?

-He's come to...

-Make pancakes.

Yeah! Isn't that nice of him?

-Where's Fatboy?

-Well, she dumped him, didn't she?

Now, they're in love!

THEY RETCH

THEY LAUGH

Now, look, if you're going to do the business properly on your own,

you've got to know your product.

It looks all right. Nice and clear.

Whoa, bit of the good stuff, that.

-It's all right, isn't it?

-Nothing wrong with that.

Time to man up.

-Come on, you've got to make a call.

-Oh, I don't know, sweetheart. I mean, Derek's a Branning...

Derek is nothing! He's nothing. He's all mouth and no trousers.

-He is making a packet off of you whilst you do all the hard work.

-Yes, I know but...

Never mind the buts, OK?

He is creaming off the profits, whilst you take all the risks,

whilst you do all the hard work. I bet he didn't unload no crates, did he?

If it all goes wrong, he'll disappear and who'll get done?

-You are.

-You didn't see the bloke who was delivering the stuff, Rox.

Looked a right psycho, didn't he, Alfie?

-You're scared of your own shadows.

-No. These are real, dead hard people.

-Oh, whatever.

-Have you blocked your number?

-Course I have. Shut up!

Straight to voicemail.

It's all right, you needn't think I'm giving up.

Thin is best for eating, but thick is best for tossing.

-I want a go! I want a go!

-Do a thick one first, then.

-I'm going first.

-No, I am!

-Oi, you can both have a go.

30p for a mingey little thing like that. Good job it's only once a year.

-Right, stand back. Stand back.

-Go on, then.

-One, two, three!

THEY CHEER

-He's good, ain't he, Mum?

-Yes, he's a very good pancake maker.

-Right, my turn. Give us a go.

-Mum!

-I want a go.

Out the way, you kids, it's my go, Whitney.

Wa-hay! Wa-hay!

You must have something to hide

if you won't tell us the name of this here Snugglepuss.

Why should I? You're not my mother, Dorothy.

Don't you "Dorothy" me. You're a guest in a Christian household

-and you will respect my wishes.

-So rude.

You're very stubborn and foolish, Rose Elizabeth.

-I'm not listening!

-Are you going to tell us who he is?

Actually, no, I'm not.

-(Look in her bag.)

-I will not!

-Pass it over here. Give it to me.

-You see, one goes astray and the rest of us follow,

like sheep. We have all gone astray.

-Jean, you seen Alfie?

-He's in the barrel store sorting a delivery.

Alfie's here. How are you, buddy? Jean, sort Billy out a whiskey.

-I think he's earned it.

-I wish I knew what you two were up to.

-It's nothing. What is it?

-No, it's all right, don't worry.

-Come on. What is it?

-Well, it's Amira. Well, it's me and Amira.

-You and Amira?

-Cat and the cream.

-I thought I'd introduce her to the family, starting with you.

-Oh, that's nice!

-Why? He knows her already, don't he?

-He means properly.

-Not now, obviously, with Kat away.

-That's fine.

It's just what you need. It's just what the doctor ordered. I'll cook a nice dinner.

-I only meant a drink.

-No, a proper sit-down, nice dinner.

-Well, I'll have to call...

-One of my roasts. They're famous.

-That might be...

-You know it has to be "Alhal" meat. You can't give them pork and that.

I'm not an idiot, Billy. You give her a call.

I'll go down to the butchers cos it needs to be in the oven now to slow roast. Eight?

-7.30?

-No, make it eight. I need to get Shenice to bed.

-Eight, it is!

Sorry, I only meant a drink. You know what she's like with her ideas.

No, no, no, she does that. Actually, I think dinner tonight...

Yeah, job on. Yeah, sounds nice, that.

Derek, stop turning the place over.

-You're not going to find the phone, we've looked.

-It's got to be here somewhere.

Amy get safely back with her mother, did she?

Roxy's working. She's with Shirley.

It's pillar to post for that poor little girl, isn't it?

Del, don't start, all right? Cos I'm finding all this family stuff a bit odd,

coming from you.

I'm coming on too strong, ain't I?

I'm sorry. It's only that you're my little brother and all I want to do is...

Get your coat on. I want to show you something.

What? Derek, I've just got in.

Get you coat on. Come on, do as you're told.

HE SIGHS

What's the matter with you? Someone scare you?

If you ever hear me talking about having a kid, kill me.

Can I get a pint, please?

-You got a new bird?

-Whit, yeah.

-Anthony and Amira are coming for dinner. You two should come.

I don't know. Me and Anthony ain't getting on.

Then, this is your chance to make peace.

You do not want to miss the world famous Jean's Pan Asian Roast.

Once in a lifetime, young man.

-Scotch, no ice.

-Here, Mikey, you're a Moon with a new bird.

We're having a family get-together, tonight, if you fancy.

Alfie, Anthony and Amira, Tyler and Whitney and you and me.

That's a full table already.

-You've already invited everyone else. We're an afterthought?

-So, you won't be coming?

-No, you're all right, Jean.

-No, we'll be there.

It sounds like you're going to have a really good night tonight and I wish I was coming.

Hey, what's the problem?

-Janine.

-Right.

-Oh, go on. It'll do her good.

-You leave him alone.

He's come round here for his dinner, not to be pushed around.

-That all right, Arthur?

-It's dynamite, Mrs B.

She can always say no. It could be your good deed for the day.

All right. Well, I suppose so.

Rose! I'm going to the Queen Vic. You don't want to come, do you?

How could she refuse such a gracious request?

Go and ask her properly. Nicely.

I hope you ain't getting her out the house so you can go on with your poking and prying.

I'll do her bedroom.

Under protest.

-You see that little girl over there? The one with the furry collar?

-Yeah.

She...

She's my daughter.

-My kid. Chrissy.

-You having a laugh?

Derek?

-Why weren't we told about this?

-What's there to tell?

I could go over there now and she wouldn't know me from Adam.

That's what could happen to you and Amy, Jack,

if you don't do something fast.

I trusted her mother and she froze me out.

She never brought her to see me when I was inside once. Not once.

That's why I come here and...

Well, now, Arthur.

Last night wasn't a disaster,

-despite the fact that you and your pals organised it.

-Yeah, it was popping off.

-I heard the drinks were one step away from antifreeze.

-Two steps. Same deal next week?

-What? Manic Mondays?

-Yeah, make it a regular thing.

-Yeah, all right. That sounds heavy.

-I went to work this morning,

there was sick all over the streets. Revolting.

Oh, well, what can I say? It's a sick society.

Did I just hear that right? I got a regular gig! Ha-ha-ha!

-Let's do this!

-Fandabidozi!

Cora! Cora! If I'm going to search her bedroom,

I need someone on the door keeping cavey.

-I've only just started in here.

-Well, I'll slide the bolt.

What you going to do when she comes back and finds it bolted?

-Well, I'll say I heard someone in the garden.

-Good, good.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive.

-Get on with it, girl!

-All right.

-Ta-da!

-Wow, good girl! Look at this!

-I hope it'll be all right.

-Yes, it's a proper bit of lamb, this. It's halal, by the way.

Right. First for Miss Whitney. Let's get some on there like that.

-Oh, thanks, Alfie.

-A few little spuds, as well.

-Oh, look at that, eh? How's that?

-Oh, well, the proof of the pudding and all that.

What you talking about? You're the best cook in London, darling. Make no mistake.

And now for the delectable Amira. Here we go. Let's get some spuds.

Oh, no, thank you. That's way too much. Just half of that and no potatoes.

-You're joking?

-We were always told it was manners not to make a fuss.

-Since when did you know anything about manners?

-Behave.

-What about the fat?

-Oh, no. Thank you.

My princess has got the appetite of a little bird.

Hey! You all right, Rox? Everything all right downstairs?

Fine. Patrick's just turned up for his shift. That all right?

-Yeah. Fancy coming up and joining us?

-Really?

-Want a drink?

-Yeah, I don't see why not.

-Tracey can manage without me, can't she?

-Lovely.

Right, spuds for you, Janine?

No, not for me. Cholesterol and hips and all that.

-What is it with you women? This is great food.

-It's just about moderation.

It's just about having no life.

-That's a nice necklace, Amira. Did you get it out of a cracker?

-It was a gift.

-From herself to herself.

-No, it was actually from a really good...

Jean, this food is lovely. Let's get it on the plates, Alfie!

-Remember your manners, mate.

-I'm starving here, ain't I?

Tell you what, why don't we just get for the Moon family one big trough?

OK. Right, who doesn't want spuds? Put your hands up.

-Why didn't you tell us?

-Oh, I don't know. Ashamed, I suppose.

I look at the relationships that you and Max have got with your kids.

Yeah, of sorts.

At least they know who their dads are.

I suppose you're right.

But listen, it ain't too late for you and Chrissy.

She's had enough upset in her little life.

Enough let downs. Wouldn't be fair.

That's why I get so upset about you and Amy, I suppose.

What a mess.

It don't have to be, Jack.

You don't have to go through this on your own. You've got me here.

I'll always have your back.

Always.

Hey, Rose, when I finish, I'll walk you home.

-We're going to go get some chips if you're up for it?

-Yeah, man.

I'll have a bottle a rum to wash them down, too.

Rum and chips. How exotic!

Don't worry, old girl, we know how to treat a lady.

-Quiet in here tonight, isn't it?

-Not upstairs, it isn't.

Oi. Derek's got a message.

Well, it's winding down upstairs now. Nearly over.

-What?

-Derek's got a message.

-What?

-Roxy, that's phone hacking!

Stop it!

MESSAGE: 'Derek. It's Tone. My driver left half the order at the warehouse.

'Can't get the staff. We'll get it to you tomorrow at one. Any probs, give us a bell.'

What a result! Half the order!

It's half the order! Now, all we've got to do is...

-Don't do that!

-What you doing? Rox!

-I've deleted it.

-Oh, brilliant(!)

We don't need to bother Derek with the details, do we?

We will just take the stuff off their hands

and explain to the very nice man that he's dealing with us now.

And it'll be, "Derek? Derek who?"

-Erm, aren't you forgetting someone?

-Amira, you haven't had one.

-Thank you.

OK, as lovely as this has been, some of us have got to be up

bright and early for breakfast meetings.

I miss early mornings. Models booking beauty treatments before shooting,

-the car picking me up at dawn.

-It's all worth it for the joy of being a mum, isn't it?

-And not being a slave to the pay packet has its consolations.

-Yeah.

If only I could think of some. Not that I don't love working here cos I do.

-If you can afford a necklace like that, you don't have to worry about pay packets.

-I wish. It was a gift.

You're making out he gave it to you? You trying to make my girlfriend jealous?

Tell you what, why don't we retire to the kitchen?

Do the washing up, leave the ladies here to gossip. Come on, let's go.

Andy? It's me. You up for a meet?

Yeah, that little job I mentioned.

All right, where are you? Right, stay there. I'll be five minutes.

That necklace was our stock, half mine.

-He's told me she bought it off him, but he's given it to her.

-Leave it!

-No, you lied!

Only way you could get her to look at you? She's a gold digger.

-You're a liar.

-Enough! You take Amira home, you do the clearing up.

-No, I'm sick...!

Woah, come on, now! Let's not end another perfect evening with another Moon dust up.

-Relax, now.

-Right, you - take Amira home.

Move on, let it go.

-Just make sure she gets the message.

-Which is?

The kid's a Branning and it belongs with its father.

-What, you doing it for free?

-I just don't want to end up back inside

before they've even swept out my cell.

I'll think about it. I'll let you know.

I've been waiting for this moment all evening.

-Er, Anthony, no. I'm sorry, no.

-What's wrong?

-You know I want to.

-Then, why not?

-It means so much to me.

It means the world to me, too.

-But to me, Anthony. To me, in my position...

-I know.

I'm sorry.

Your family and mine, we're just so different.

Look, tonight was a mistake.

-I should've never taken you.

-It's not tonight. It's not just your family. It's everything.

We're just so different.

Are you finishing with me? Cos that'd be mad.

-We haven't even got started yet.

-No, no.

It's not that. I just... I like you. I like hanging out with you but...

..what we have is so difficult.

I just don't want it to go wrong.

And it won't. I promise.

Not here, babe.

Not now.

You are terrible! You are terrible! I'm telling you.

I didn't even know you could drink that much!

THEY GIGGLE

Oh! Oh! They're here. Here they are.

What are you looking so po-faced about?

My letters! You've been rummaging through my drawers,

you naughty, chapel-going person, you.

I ain't chapel, I'm church. Look at the state of her!

We were vacuuming and the nozzle knocked the top off your shoe box.

You're a fibber!

Look at that nose! Longer, longer, longer.

-How much has she had, Patrick?

-I think you better be going.

-I think so, I think so.

-Colin Bredell.

-Who?

-Colin Bredell!

-Your Mr Snugglepuss.

Now, we know why you didn't want to tell us his real name.

So, you got me bang to rights!

My darling Snugglepuss is serving a life sentence in prison.

She's given her heart to a cold-blooded murderer.

He's never said why he's in that awful place.

He's serving life! What else could he have done?

Hardly pinched a pint of milk off a doorstep.

D'you know what? Spring's coming, I can feel it...

Leave it out, it's freezing...

Max will kill you if he catches you sneaking behind his back with Abi.

Not if he don't find out, he won't.

See?

You've been reading too many wedding magazines.

Love is in the air, I'm telling you.

You made the right choice.

So, not running booze around town today?

No. I'm getting the blame for a couple of cases not getting delivered to you, yesterday.

Oh, yeah?

First I've heard of it. When was I supposed to get 'em?

Dunno. I've told them to sling their hook.

Amateurs.

Here she comes.

Right. Hope this pays the rent.

And don't forget, nothing in front of the little girl, yeah?

-Abs, get a move on, will you? Your mum'll kill you if you're late.

-Yeah, I'm ready now.

Right, the delivery is on for lunch time. You still up for it, yeah?

Absolutely!

OK, good.

Billy, you up for it?

What if Derek shows up?

He won't. Anyway, I'm the one that's actually taking the delivery.

All you have to do is be ready to bring the booze back here. Simple.

Huh?

Yeah.

Right.

-I just had to unload the truck on my own.

-I did the last one on my own. I'm having a day off.

You can't.

-Watch me.

-What are you doing?

-Checking my e-mails.

-Buying more expensive jewellery for your princess?

-No!

-Hotel reservations!

I want to book a room for me and Amira.

She turned her nose up at this place? That's what this is about!

No, I want to treat her, and I want some privacy.

I don't know who's the bigger mug - you for forking out on a hotel, or me for doing all the work to buy it!

Yeah! Sorry, Rose -

you need to be a lot smarter to get one over a razor-sharp man like me!

Arthur's going to the supermarket for me. Does anybody need anything?

A man.

Oh, Rose, do you have to be so...carnal?

If it's on the cards, yeah.

-You already got a man - Snugglepuss!

-Yeah, but he's in prison.

And he don't know what I'm up to out here, does he?

Just as well he's inside, considering those letters you wrote him.

He must be pacing up and down in his cell, desperate for a response.

Well, he's a lucky man. I'm about to satisfy his desires.

Where's the writing paper, Dot?

No good will come from corresponding with a hardened criminal.

That's what I told her.

-She's making a fool of herself.

-It's only a bit of harmless fun.

Stoking the desires of a convicted murderer.

You're playing with fire, you mark my words!

Hi, do you want to just stick them down there.

I'm just opening up, yeah?

-Cheers.

-Cheers, see you later.

"Every night I lay awake..."

Porridge...

"..knowing that you are in your lonely cell..."

Semolina...

"..thinking of me..."

Pearl barley...

"My whole body aches..."

Soap powder...

"..imagining what it would be like if we could be together in each other's arms..."

-Disinfectant...

-"Feeling your skin against mine..."

-That is enough!

-"Yours for ever...

"..Fluffles."

I will not have this shameful wickedness in my house!

Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

Any more of this behaviour and you're out. Do you understand me?

-Have you got a stamp?

-No, I do not!

-Come on, before you're homeless.

Right, is that everything on the list, Mrs B?

Yes, thank you, Arthur. Everything on the list.

Oh, Arthur, you couldn't post this for me, could you, darling?

Do what you like.

Ta. Thanks...

-All right.

-There is one more thing I need.

Get that pen and paper.

We shall have to help the Lord with his work.

Now, write.

Dear...

What's his name?

Snugglepuss?

Dear Sir.

OK.

Oi, we are like the Bonnie and Clyde of dodgy vodka.

-Who am I, then?

-The other one. We'd look great in that clobber, wouldn't we?

-Yes!

Bonnie and Clyde's gang all got shot, didn't they?

Yeah... We'll be all right as long as we're careful.

When Derek finds out he's been ripped off...

We just keep our heads down, and keep schtum.

Why don't we just sell it on the cheap?

-My mate Dan will take it off our hands.

-No, no, no!

Half the fun is making Derek pay for his own booze. I can't wait!

Not with that grin on your face! I'll put the kettle on and we'll start steaming these labels off.

I've gotta get back to work. Janine'll be looking for me.

It's only a half hour.

You two are being so cautious, come on!

-We want to get away with this in one piece! I'm going to start steaming. OK, Bonnie?

-Yes, Clyde.

-Right.

-Come on.

Now, where was I?

"As much as I..." No, no.

So... "Although I enjoyed our corresponding..."

Yep.

"..now is the time to concentrate

"on the path of repentance instead."

That's a bit harsh. He needs something to take his mind off doing time.

"So I urge you to put aside

"all temptations of the flesh...

"both in word and in deed...

"For, as the Bible says, 'When lust hath conceived,

"it bringeth forth sin,

" 'and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.' "

That's James Chapter One, Verse 15.

Mrs B, you can't say that!

-Why not?

-This is some big heavy trip you're putting on the guy.

Well, it's for his own good.

"So, I wish you the very best of luck with your repenting.

"Yours faithfully...

"..Rose Elizabeth Taylor."

I wonder if she's gone and used the name Cotton.

Rose Elizabeth Cotton.

Don't she go by the name of Fluffles?

Not no more she don't!

This nonsense ends now.

It's only me! I've got to go into work.

Janine wants me to clean out one of her investments.

Her what?

Investments.

Oh.

Have you posted my letter yet?

He's on his way.

-I'm on my way.

-Good boy.

Hello. What can I get you?

Nothing, thanks. Can I use your phone?

I can't get this new mobile to work.

Yep, you can.

Here you go.

I suppose that happens when you start getting old, don't it?

-Don't worry about me - I'm in great shape. It's yourself you've got to worry about.

-Meaning?

Well, there's a lot of bugs around - working with the public, you're exposed to them all.

-Yeah...

-Rox, come here!

What?!

-What are you winding him up for?

-It's funny.

You're a bad influence.

-You love it.

-Will you help Billy steam those labels off? Go, go!

-Oh, Alfie!

-Go, go.

Andy, what's the delay, mate?

You know, she's in the Vic, giving it the large?

Listen, I'll phone you later. Just get the job done, yeah?!

I need you to give our house a really good clean.

I'm sorry, I haven't got time.

But only someone with your experience could do this job.

Alfie, have you seen Billy?

Well, I've heard I'm still due a few cases.

When? What delivery?

Love! How about you do it for love?

-Love?

-Yeah, I mean, you know what it's like to be happy and in love.

I mean, I want me and Amira to be as happy as you and Andrew.

Oh, OK, then. For love. But if Janine calls, I'll have to go.

Thank you. You're a lifesaver!

The club's shut, you muppet! How could I take another delivery?

Alfie, you ain't had anyone in here offering you booze, have you?

No. No, Derek we normally do it the other way round, you know...

I'll see you later.

Yeah, see you later.

You're such a downer head - what's wrong?

I'm meant to be getting an injection today.

What for?

HPV.

I had that years ago. There's nothing to it. You scared of needles?

It's not the needle!

So you and Jay are actually going to do it, at last!

No! But that's exactly what my Dad'll think

if I ask him to sign the consent form.

So, this is about your signature?! Have you got the form?

Yeah, why?

Because I am an expert at forging signatures.

What's your dad's signature like?

Well, er, he signs my homework diary.

Look, it's not a cheque for a million quid, yeah?

It's a signature to stop you from getting cervical cancer, OK?

Now cheer up, will you? Stop being so miserable.

Give it back! Give me back my nose!

Give me back my nose! Thank you! I got it, you cheeky monkey!

Why is she still walking about?!

I can't get her on her own.

Just be patient.

It's a cute kid, eh?

Yeah.

Do you know what? Forget it, job's off.

Do I have to give you the cash back?

No, I've got another job for you.

That vodka you left in the warehouse yesterday.

Well, apparently it's been re-delivered this morning.

Now it's magically disappeared. I want to know who's got it.

There's your culprit right there.

I saw her hanging around outside the club, waiting for a van.

Well, well, well! Never trust a Mitchell.

Hi, Abi, have you got your form?

-Yep.

-Thank you.

No need to be nervous, Abi.

Oh, I'm fine, honestly. I'm not scared of needles or nothing.

Just give me a minute...

You are a miracle worker!

It's just elbow grease and cleaning products. It ain't complicated.

-We do try to keep it clean, but it gets messy so quickly.

-Yeah, I know what you mean.

Maybe you could do with some scented candles.

Make it more romantic?

No, to get rid of that chip-pan and sweaty socks smell.

That's Tyler, that is.

You two had a fall out?

He's just been bang out of order, recently.

Shame.

-You two, you know, you should really make up.

-You should talk to him, not me.

Things can go on for far too long.

Families, they can fall out for years over nothing.

It's easier said than done, innit?

You know, you've both got so much going for you.

I mean, you're young,

you've got yourselves two lovely ladies, both of you.

That's the thing. I'd rather spend time with her than arguing with that muppet.

She seems lovely.

She is. She's beautiful. She's a goddess.

Wow. You been spending more of my hard earned cash, have you?

-I'd better go. Janine's going to kill me.

-Thanks, Hev.

-You're welcome.

-You're a life-saver.

-Bye.

-See you later.

-Bye.

So, how much did that cost?

She, um...did it as a favour, actually.

Come to your senses over that whole hotel night thing, then?

Maybe I hadn't thought it through properly.

Yeah, well, maybe we've both been a bit...

Distracted.

Yeah, distracted.

-It's women, ain't it?

-Women.

Look at you, all smiley and loved-up!

Yeah, she's special, man. What about you and Amira?

She for real?

Yeah. I really do like her, Ty. But we're just taking it easy.

We haven't, you know.

Nor have me and Whit.

-Then no wonder we're so uptight, eh?!

-Tell me about it!

But it's best not to rush, bruv. I learnt that from Whit.

I don't want to put no pressure on her. That's how I mucked up before.

Special ladies, special measures, right?

I, um...

I haven't actually cancelled that hotel reservation.

I want you and Whit to have it, on me.

Special measures, all that.

Look, I appreciate it, man, but save your money.

Come on. It can't be easy having Fatboy round the house.

It'll help to get out for the night.

Yeah, I suppose so...

Look, at least ask Whit, all right?

Yeah? See ya.

-See you later.

-See ya later.

Cheers.

Dad, what are you doing here?

Can we have a minute alone?

I had a call from the nurse.

She said you were nervous.

I felt like a bit of a numpty, cos I didn't know what she was talking about.

Weird, considering I signed the form.

Babe, I don't understand. Why didn't you just ask me?

Abs, why didn't you just mention this to me or your mum?

Would you want to talk to Mum about anything to do with cancer?

Well, you could have just asked me.

-Yeah, right.

-Abs, I'm always around, all right? If you want to talk to me.

What, about sexually transmitted viruses?!

Point taken.

Well, there's no time like the present, is there?

So, does this mean that you're thinking about...

This is exactly why I didn't ask you!

-It's just a natural part of life, innit?

-What is?

-Sex.

-Urgh!

No, it's nice.

-Oh, Dad!

-It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

-I'm embarrassed!

When people love each other, like me and your mum...

-I don't want this conversation!

-You think I do?!

This is so embarrassing!

You've got to talk to someone about this.

No, I really don't.

-You really do. You're going to talk to your mum tonight.

-No way.

It's me or her. You choose.

Stop being a wuss, will you? Get the injection.

You all right, Derek?

Hello.

Now. Let me see.

What do I fancy?

Why are you looking so pleased with yourself?

That is because property of mine went missing this morning,

but now I know who stole it,

and I've got a feeling I'm going to get it back real soon.

I know, vodka!

Six cases, please.

-OK, listen, Derek...

-Alfie, no! It's nothing to do with Alfie, OK?

-So, it is to do with you?

-Yeah.

No.

Someone just pulled up and they gave me a load of vodka. What can I say, Derek?

You've got some front, blondie.

I'll tell you what's going to happen.

I'm gonna be waiting in the club.

Do NOT make me come back and get it.

You understand?

Oi! Derek!

Me and Ant are cool now. In fact, we're more than cool - he's done something amazing.

He ain't cleaned the bathroom!

Seriously.

He's given us...

Not that I've asked for it, but a present. We ain't got to take it.

I'm easy either way, but it might be a waste...

All right, spit it out!

He's booked us a night in a posh hotel...

tonight.

So...

Same room, same bed, then?

Yeah, but like I say...

-What we doing sitting here? Let's pack!

-You'll come?

-Unless you want to finish this coffee!

-Absolutely not!

-Well.

ANTHONY CLEARS THROAT

Thank you!

Amira.

What have you been up to?

Just doing my good deed for the day.

Oh, and who did their good deed in here?

Well...me.

I wanted this place to be spotless for you,

so I have been working hard, you know.

Plus, we've got the place to ourselves.

Oh, OK, but the thing is, I can't stay long

because Syed can only look after Yasmin for like an hour or so.

Listen, this, er...

This isn't about getting you by yourself, or trying things on.

Good.

Cos I don't want to rush things, all right?

I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.

Because you do... You mean a lot to me.

You're special.

From now on, I'm going to make sure that's how you feel.

I'm going to give you everything you deserve, all right?

Special measures.

That's for being really sweet.

She won't pull anything like that again.

Well, that's that sorted, then.

I mean it.

Nothing happens to Roxy. Understand?

If that's what you really want, who am I to argue?

Yeah, it's me.

When the kid's in bed,

I want you to steam in, grab the Mitchell bird,

take her somewhere quiet,

and make sure she regrets ever crossing me.

Your dad told me about you having the HPV injection.

It's all right - I can understand why you wouldn't want to mention it.

But I'm glad you've had it.

I'd hate you to go through anything like this.

I'm sorry.

No, don't be.

I know it's been...

-Well, it must have been hard for you.

-You've had enough to deal with.

No, I should've been thinking about you, too.

Mum, it's OK, really.

You've just got on with things, haven't you?

Quietly grown up without any of us noticing.

-I love you.

-I know you do.

So, how are things going with Jay?

-Yeah, good.

-Yeah?

You know, if you want to talk about anything -

-if you and Jay are thinking about taking things to... To another...

-Mum...

I know, I'm just saying.