21/08/2011 EastEnders Omnibus

Mum's not in her room.

So? She'll have gone after Dad.

But Oscar's in his room. She wouldn't leave him.

Come on, Jode, it's not even six yet.

Max's car's not over there.

I bet they've run away. That'll kill Mum.

Why don't you come back to bed?

I want to be here when she wakes up.

He will be back, you know.

She's not answering...

-Will you call Dad?

-No way.

-You were the one who told him to go, Lauren!

Abi, you did, too! YOU call him.

DOOR CLOSES

Here you go. You'll feel better after a nice cuppa.

There's no way Max'd leave the car lot like that. He's definitely coming back.

Hmm! Finally, he shows a bit of drive! Opening up early today, Darren?

-Er, no, I just...

-Are you OK, Mum?

Yeah, 'course. Why wouldn't I be?

Look, Max is waking up in some grotty hotel right now, feeling stupid.

He'll come back. His type always do.

-You don't think he's with her?

-How about eggs for breakfast? Hmm?

-Abi? What time is it?

-I'm looking for Mum.

Did Dad say anything about them going off together?

What are you talking about? Why d'you think your mum's here?

-I don't believe this.

-Will you calm down? What's going on?

Last time he went off, we ended up in hospital and I can't get through on his phone.

Come inside, you'll get wet.

Did I hear shouting?

Oh, have a day off.

Loud voices, slamming doors, don't tell me...my daughter.

Granddaughter. Mum's done one.

She's so upset.

This is just another day at the office for Tanya.

-You OK?

-You can't say that.

It was Rachel I felt sorry for last time, this time it's the kids who've got my sympathy.

Serial offenders, Max and Tanya.

Some things you just can't stop.

You make them sound like Romeo and Juliet...

Laurel and Hardy, more like.

She's my sister... she's your daughter!

Yeah, and to think I went through the pain of childbirth for this.

They say you forget in time, but every time I look at Tanya, it hits me all over again.

You're just wrong in the head.

She's got a broken heart.

She'll have a broken neck an' all by the time I've wrung it.

You'll have to find her first.

Anthony, if you're under the impression I won't sack my own sons, you're mistaken.

Both of you, round here, five minutes ago.

-The boys late for work, then?

-Didn't even come home last night.

I've got a dealer coming for some gear, I got to get to a sale in Wanstead.

I'll do it. Gym don't open for two hours. I'll do it, I'll stick around.

That's a great help. Thank you.

You're welcome. But don't expect me to get all Antiques Road Show with those old dears.

Maybe I should give their share of the loot to YOU when I'm gone.

If they haven't bankrupted you!

Oh, thanks. Jodie's gone back to bed.

Just because Max is away, don't mean you can wear what you want.

Men in suits sell cars, men in jeans fix them.

Yeah, but I didn't know if I was opening up or...

-Why wouldn't you be? You don't need Max to hold your hand.

-Yeah... but I didn't know what's happening.

Is he just away then, not gone?

He's coming back.

Oh. Cos Jodie seems to think he's...

Oh, for the last time!

-You got some chairs for me?

-Yeah.

-Those ones.

-Thank you.

-Cheers.

-Do you know my old man? Eddie Moon.

-Nah.

No. Me neither.

You'd think there'd be something, like an email, a dodgy receipt. You know, smutty playing cards.

Just anything, just to suggest a bit of character.

But there's nothing.

Just...furniture.

Receipt for those chairs?

No-one's accusing you, Jack, of being in on anything, we're just trying to find them.

Thank you.

No?

No, he doesn't know anything.

How long's this been going on? Your mum and dad?

Months, Lauren said.

Do you think we should call the police or anything?

No, no, they've probably just gone off to sort things out. Those two...

I'll go and get changed, then we'll go back home and see if they've called, yeah?

Vanessa reckons he's coming back, but I don't know.

If he don't, there's no double wedding, no nothing.

You and Jodie can still get married.

With what? I doubt Jodie wants her photos to be by a bus stop outside Walford Registry Office.

If she loves you, doesn't matter where it is.

Yeah, I suppose. Funny though, ain't it? Life.

You think everything's all right, then it roundhouses you with something...

-An '80s music convention in Southend!

-What?

Have you been listening to me?

Five Star, Hazel Dean, Culture Club.

Oh, Darren, can you still drive?

My life's falling apart. I wouldn't be able to drive you to the Minute Mart.

-See you later.

-Yeah, see ya.

Here, Shirl, do you believe this? Look! Here, do you think Phil will lend us his car?

No, cos I ain't asking him. Southend.

-All right.

-All right.

Marie, can I get a bacon roll please?

Um... I'm really sorry, I've left my money on the side.

It's all right. I'll get this for you, if you like.

Nah, I'm not a charity case.

I'll be back in five.

I've got my sister having a go at me now, as if somehow I'm to blame.

Probably won't even see Max now till my 50th.

He'll turn up moaning at the buffet as if nothing ever happened.

Have you got a secret place?

Where you go to be alone, where you keep stuff?

So you heard about Max's love nest, then?

No...no, but that's what I'm talking about, see.

There must be something.

Him and Tanya had a bedsit where they'd carry on.

How tawdry. That's what I can never get about Max, how'd he manage to pull Vanessa, and then dump her?

-She's fit.

-She's my brother's missus. I wouldn't know.

I take that as sarcasm.

Like I said, she's still fit.

Vanessa.

Look, I had...

Brannings like to publicise their every move, but not the Golds.

Is your office free?

Thanks for your concern, but you're not needed.

You've tried getting hold of Greg, left messages for Max.

I'm on top of it. Despite those two moping around

and her going on all the time about how Jesus loved everyone.

He did.

That's cos he hadn't met Tanya.

DOOR CLOSES

Mum? Mum where've you been?!

Probably in her skanky bedsit.

-Where've you been? We've all been worried about you.

-Where's Dad?

-I don't know.

-If you're getting back together, shouldn't he be with you?

-We're not getting back together.

-Right, so the family's destroyed and now you've ditched him?

Only want what you can't have.

You could've persuaded him to stay, at least?

Will you just call him, please?

-I can't.

-Are you kidding me?!

I don't care where Dad is, he can rot.

But she...she's been worried sick, so can you just call him?

-I can't...

-Why not?! What you can lie to your whole family, but now you can't make a phone call?

Just call him, Mum. What's wrong with you?

DOOR SLAMS

-'You have one message.

-Darren, it's Max...'

Sorry, we don't have any of them balsam tissues.

Don't want the boys going soft.

-What's that for?

-Well, you look emotional.

Are there tears in my eyes?

Max is an idiot.

But to be fair to him, that is his default setting.

Just with you, I thought he'd turned a corner.

Everyone has blips.

You spoken to him?

Nah, not a word.

You honestly expect me to believe that?

And you? I know you're listening.

What? Sorry, I didn't hear nothing.

Come on, let's be honest. This is Max we're talking about.

-Everyone keeps saying that like it's supposed to mean something.

-Tanya's in his blood.

-Tell her, Jack, go on.

-Tell me what?

About the bedsit.

-Let me know when he calls.

-They had a place where they went.

Maybe if you saw it, it would help you understand.

KNOCK ON DOOR

If that's Tanya, tell her she's not welcome!

-What do you want?

-I've got some wonderful news! Can I come in?

Getting my exam results back Thursday.

I've never seen her like that before.

A year of my life and no-one cares.

It was like she wasn't Mum. She actually ran away.

I think this is that moment you realise your parents are just as useless as everyone else.

'Course, I knew that about five years ago, but you were always slow on the uptake.

-It's not funny!

-Yeah, and I'm not laughing.

I swear they're not my parents, not any more.

Just two idiots called Max and Tanya.

Don't say that! I only told him to go cos I was angry.

He has no-one.

He's lost Mum.

He thinks we hate him.

What if he never comes back?

-'Course he will.

-You don't know that. Why don't you care? You are exactly like Mum!

I hate you for this.

Abi hates me, don't she?

She's just messed up. Can't handle it all.

-You OK?

-Don't know.

Mum's devastated.

-I'm so sorry, Jodes...

-That's all right. It weren't your fault, was it?

Yeah, but they're my parents. I can't help feel responsible.

Suppose.

I don't even know if I can go to work. It just feels wrong. Like a betrayal.

I think my mum owes you a bit of time off, don't you?

Come here.

Sis?

Sis.

Apparently, she's got some news for us.

-You've heard from Max?

-Oh.

No, no, sorry. Actually...

all of this is going to be mine!

Except you lot, of course.

Though if you need the money I could do with the labour.

Spoke to Greg this morning on the phone, he said he'll sell me everything. House, beds, sofas...

Oh. Is that damp?

-Can he do that?

-My inheritance came through...

and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that money, well, it buys you things. Like...

I don't know, people. Houses.

What kind of woman revels in kicking Oscar out of his home?

Tanya did that, actually, not me.

Greg was very rude about her on the phone.

So I'll let you all know a date.

Are we going to be homeless?

Can he do that? Just kick us out?

-I'll try and find Tanya.

-Just don't tell the girls, OK?

Don't tell us about what?

What did Janine want?

Token of my appreciation for this morning.

Got a lovely Louis XVI desk in Wanstead.

Beautiful thing.

What? What you doing here?

You're the one acting hot. We're allowed to speak.

-Yes, OK. Sorry, so what do you want?

-Come home with me.

Home as in your house?

-Yeah. Reckon I can sneak you in...

-Lauren, I can't. I'm on my shift.

Wow, maybe you are too old and grey for me after all.

Turns out he's got this bolthole...off the beaten track.

He's a wily one.

Sounds appealing - little place to call your own?

Nah, sounds like a headache to me.

All those extra bills, council tax, rent, heating.

I've a hard enough time with the Emporium.

-Ah, my sweet and lovely lady.

-I'm not your anything, remember?

You've got to learn to take a compliment. It's an art form.

I'm not the creative type.

A beautiful Philistine - bundle of contradictions.

Listen, have you seen Tanya?

-No.

-We were just talking about this bloke...

Vodka, please. Neat. Double.

Excuse me a minute.

Hey. I just heard about you and Max, you all right?

Abi came round knocking on the door at God knows what hour.

Oh, please, you honestly expect me to believe you weren't all in on it?

Well, I certainly wasn't.

Little family of cheats, all sneaking around.

Oi! Enough. I wouldn't be surprised

to hear you'd been on at Greg, telling him to sell that house.

-I have no interest in talking to that pathetic excuse.

-He's too nice to do something like that.

All of this will blow over.

It's just a blip.

I don't think so, I'm afraid.

So you did know all about it then, eh? 'Course you did. The Branning tribe all in on it together.

Look, I don't agree with what Max's done to you, but you've got to take your share of the blame.

-I'm sorry?

-You've been here, what, a year? Have you made any friends?

-What's that got to do with anything?

-You've suffocated him.

You've not tried to work, get to know his family, his friends. No.

You've just pranced around that house, flaunting that ridiculous barnet of yours.

I was good to him.

You live by the man. You die by the man, all right?

A woman of your age should have worked that out by now.

That what you tell yourself every night to get to sleep?

All alone?

Yeah, something like that. But see, you know you're in trouble

when you'll sleep with someone just to avoid your own company.

-You got a stall selling flip-flops ain't you?

-Yeah. D'you want some?

-Nah. They give me blisters.

Oh. Nice.

Sorry. I just wanted to apologise for this morning's gaffe.

-Oh, it was a gaffe, was it?

-Yeah, well...Gaffe City Central, me.

-Yeah?

-Gaffington World of Adventures.

All right. I get it. Wally.

So if I were to buy some flip-flops, would you have a drink with me?

What, is that a joke?

I don't follow...

Well, who you been talking to, mate?

You come in here, you offering me money and now this...

-I just wanted to...

-I don't care what you want. Dirty little perv. Go on, do one!

I was on the way to work for the woman who ruined my mum's life.

I'm like, have you lost your marbles? I cannot go back.

Darren?

What's wrong?

'Darren, it's Max.

'You're in charge of the car lot till I get back.

'If I get back.

'Don't screw it up, all right?

'Listen, just... good luck, all right?'

How come he called you and not Mum?

He's definitely not coming back then.

Hello?

TOILET FLUSHES

How long have you had this place?

-How did you find...?

-HOW LONG?!

About a month, two months.

Where is he?

I don't know. I don't.

I came to you! I just knew Max was having an affair

and I came to YOU.

I am sorry.

Must really hurt.

You spend all that time thinking you've won.

Turns out you've got nothing.

Actually, I ended it, so...

if he's not with you, then, it's cos he wants be on his own.

DOOR SLAMS

What's the matter with you?

Do you ever get the feeling that life's passing you by?

-It's in Southend.

-And where d'you think we are, eh?

-Beverly Hills?

-It'll be awful.

-OK.

You won't like the food.

-OK.

-How you going to afford it? You've got to fork out for hotels...

You know what, it's funny, ain't it? All those songs about, falling in love...

having your first kiss...they fill you with hope when you're young.

You never think that one day you'll be too skint to go to Southend to listen to them.

-Lend me your phone.

-Why?

-Cos I'm going to book us tickets.

-No, don't worry.

Like you said, I can't afford it.

Well, we'll have to work something out, then, won't we?

-Don't give me that look! Not after the guilt trip.

-Phil's Jag, too?

No, Pussy Galore. We're going by train.

Honestly, you'll be poncing about in a power suit with a Filofax, soon.

Oh, Shirl! We're going to Southend!

-And I can't find Tanya anywhere. Just have to assume that Greg'll sell up.

-Not my problem.

So you'll see them out on the streets?

I'm not turfing Vanessa out. Ain't her fault Max's jumped ship. I won't punish the woman twice!

Lauren. Abi. Oscar. Remember them?

Max'd throw a fit if he thinks for one second you'd let them down.

Well, it's Max that's let them down, innit? Not me.

Not Vanessa. It's Max. I'm sick of clearing up his mess all the time!

-I won't do it any more.

-Don't walk away. I'm not losing this argument!

Silly me!

Bubbly's in the fridge(!)

Bubbly's in the fridge?!

BUBBLY'S IN THE FRIDGE?!

SHE SCREAMS

Mum, stop it!

-So the sale ain't gone through yet?

-No, but what power do we have?

Mum can fight him in the court, right?

She's been cheating, darling. I don't think we can count on the judge being that sympathetic.

DOOR CLOSES

You've got to free up your house, Jack.

Oh, there you are!

We've lost the house because of you! Cos of what you did, Greg's selling it.

He's selling it?

Well, it's his, I suppose, innit?

Don't you even care? What is wrong with you? Why don't you care about anything?!

Because it is all falling apart, Mum, and you're not even bothered.

Why?

-How did you get off work?

-Pulled a sickie.

What and they bought it?

-Just call me Ferris.

-What?

-Best you stay here.

-Yeah, Tanya needs you.

Something's not right with you.

All right, I know you done Greg over, but my Tanya wouldn't let him do this to her.

She'd be on the phone calling lawyers, threatening to squat.

What's wrong? Tell me!

Oh...

Thanks, Marie! I'm celebrating, so don't put that away just yet, yeah?

Let me do the talking, yeah?

-OK, as long as you go through with it.

-I will.

-Give her a week, yeah?

-All right!

Er...Jack. You know, now's not a great time, to be honest.

-Tough, Darren.

-Carol, please.

-This whole thing - it's hit her hard.

-We'll come back another time, yeah?

-Yeah.

-CRASH, SCREAMING >

-Mum, please!

-What was that?

-Nothing.

Jack!

-SHE SCREAMS

-What you doing?!

-Stop!

-Look at this house!

-All those times I had her in my house. My house! My house!

-You're insane!

Jack, you've got to get her out!

Tanya's having this house for the kids, so leave it!

-Throw me out after what your family's done to me?!

-Look at this place, what choice have I got?!

SCUM! I'll kill all you Branning scum!

I'm going to kill you all!

A beautiful Philistine?

There's nothing wrong in giving a woman a compliment.

A compliment is "Nice hair, dear"

or "You don't look a day over 25, darling". That's practically an admission of love.

She's rarity. The woman is a marvellous rarity...

SCREAMING >

Get out! Stop it, stop it!

If Max was here you wouldn't dare...

If Max was here he'd give us a hand! He never loved you! You were a front! To get at Tanya.

A front!

SHE SOBS

Max!

Stop them, please!

-What do you think you're doing?

-It's not how it looks.

-You should see the state in there!

-She threatened to kill our family!

You didn't mean it, did you, Mum?

Up you come. Come on. No bones broken.

-Maybe a big dry cleaning bill.

-Look at Dad, straight in there.

Let's go before he clocks us.

-Michael...

-Honestly, we didn't want this. She attacked Jack!

-Come on, Jodie.

-That's our home, Darren.

Come on, Jodie. Come and help your mum.

Let's get you away from here.

SHE SOBS

All right, it's all right.

Take a seat.

There you go.

Sorry it's not a glass one, but you didn't give me much notice.

-You got yourself a new prince already, Mum.

-She'll be all right.

-Just needs somewhere where you can get your breath back.

-There's the office at the car lot.

Maybe somewhere with a bathroom, so she can get cleaned up.

There's the B&B. I mean, it ain't no palace, but...

Perfect! Would you do me the honour?

Can you pack Mum some things? A change of clothes and her wash bag.

-What, you want me to go back in there?!

-Yeah.

You did what you had to do.

That woman has lost everything. No matter what you think of her, none of this was her fault.

I've come to get a few things for Vanessa to change into.

Yeah, sure.

What, Darren?

Well, if I do it I'm bound to get it wrong, you know...being a bloke.

That's been there all day.

Well, we need a room.

Yeah. Have mine.

It's got towels in it. It's clean. Go on, just have a lie down.

Thank you. Both of you, you've been so kind.

It's the least we could do.

She'll be OK.

Oh, dear.

Imagine treating her like that.

Yeah, you don't know though, do you? Maybe she did threaten the kids.

-What was all that shouting outside?

-Didn't hear anything.

-Ryan! D'you want your cuppa up there or you coming down?

-Anyone would think you wanted someone to hear!

-Nice one.

-What are you doing in my house?

-It's not your house.

Greg sold it cos you had an affair.

-Please leave.

-No way!

-Yep. Speak later.

She can't tell us what to do!

Don't even think of trying to tell me off after what you've done. You don't have the moral authority.

I got as much as I could. Few outfits. Change of underwear.

-Darren!

-What? Carol packed it! It's not like I went through her drawers.

You let Carol touch my things?

Go and lie down, Mum.

-Well done.

-I went back in that house of horrors for you and all you do is moan!

-How am I supposed to get all this upstairs!?

-Do it yourself!

I have to figure out where to live and how to pay for this wedding.

Got all your things, Mum. We can get you all done up now.

They'd never have done this if Max had been here.

He'd have killed 'em, he'd have stopped it.

Mum...

He's not coming back, is he?

That's why they did it!

He's not coming back!

Don't think I didn't see you sneak in this afternoon.

That's one day's wages docked.

Maybe two if I don't cheer up.

Yeah, all right, but what do you reckon - Tanya or Vanessa?

You was all over her like a cheap suit just now!

All right?

Eddie, can I have a word?

Look, I'm sorry that you had to see that.

Michael? Do us a favour, go and see how Vanessa is.

Bit worried about her.

Why shouldn't me and Ryan be together? There aren't any kids involved.

-There are - YOU'RE a kid.

-I'm 17!

Even the law which, let's face it, is pretty down on anything fun,

-even the law says I can have sex!

-Lauren...

Have you heard what's going on out there?

-Jack's chucked Vanessa out on the street!

-Why?

-To move US in!

-I never asked him to do that.

Maybe Uncle Jack thought something needed doing before we end up on the street!

RAINIE: It's finished! Come see, quick!

-My greatest work!

-Now that is what I call a housewarming gift.

You idiot!

-This is all your fault, Mum.

-Happy now?

I just need to get some air.

Work...

work!

MOBILE RINGS

-Not now, Fiona.

-Fiona?

Sorry, I didn't see you there.

Too many women in your life obviously!

I hope you don't think I'm weird popping in like this,

but it was so lovely meeting you and Bobby

at the swings yesterday. You mentioned the business

and I was passing... Oh, look at me rabbiting on!

It's fine, I don't mind at all, Rebecca. It's lovely to see you again.

-Maybe we should put off the wedding.

-Has your mum said anything?

No, but how's she going to stand there and watch us get married now?

And we can't even afford it anyway. Where are we sleeping tonight?

Don't even think about it.

MOBILE RINGS

-What does he want?!

-How should I know?

-Then why's he calling?

I cancelled the call, right. Leave it!

Look, you don't need him, Jode!

I'm going to find us somewhere!

DOOR SLAMS

How're you getting on? My room no good?

Plug socket was too far away from the mirror.

Honestly, how do you do your hair in the mornings?

You don't have to put on a brave face for me, you know.

I'll be out of your way soon.

You found somewhere, yeah?

Why did you tell me,

-about the bedsit?

-You needed to know.

What do you care what I need?

You've got a lovely dad there.

-He's kind.

-Thank you.

Made me wonder if I got you wrong.

Well, that depends what you thought of me in the first place.

I certainly didn't think you were one to fish for compliments.

Maybe I have low self-esteem issues.

-I think you wouldn't do what Max has done.

-Oh, I dunno.

I've kicked a few out in my time.

Yeah, but I bet you made it clear.

You didn't hide behind...

love and promises.

I bet those women knew exactly what they were getting.

They did...

..and it was never a place to stay.

Just, erm...

drop the keys off at the gym when you're done, yeah?

Not that my patients are a trusted source of news,

but I hear things have been eventful.

Is that what you wanted to talk about?

Have you managed to book an appointment yet?

I've been trying...

Let's do it together. If we call them now, they'll see you by the end of the week.

By the end of the week?

I thought there'd be a waiting list, that's all you hear about.

With the abnormal cells we found, they'll want to perform a colposcopy and a biopsy as soon as possible.

Have you told anyone, your family?

-None of their business.

-Tanya, you need support.

-I'm fine. I'm fine.

You came here presumably because you wanted someone to talk to.

I don't know why I came.

If you want advice...

go back to your family. Tell them.

Let them help you.

The fat fryer's on the blink and I'm turning away customers. I haven't got have time for this.

I'm desperate!

I've been using the flat for storage. It's not in a fit state.

-I don't care, I just need a place!

-You can't afford the rent!

-Word travels fast. I've still got a job!

-That car lot won't survive without Max.

How long will Jodie work for Tanya? I need a better guarantor than that.

-I've got Vanessa!

-Are you OK, love?

I just need to find a place for me and my fiancee or she'll run off back to her dad!

Oh, you poor thing!

Yeah. Look, I tell you what, I'll try and get the stuff moved out later on and you go in it.

It won't be pretty or anything but it's a start, innit?

-You sure about that, Ian?

-Yeah.

I'm not going to let you down, I'm good for the money.

Give us a call later, yeah.

He's a good lad. Just needs a helping hand.

You're so lovely, aren't you?

Forgive me saying this, but your wife...

she must have been a wonderful woman.

Lauren. So...

-what'd your mum say about us?

-You looking for the seal of approval?

I don't think you're quite what she had in mind for her little girl.

What you talking about? That's not what I mean. Will she tell Whitney?

-The way you're carrying on, she won't have to.

-Lauren...

-Lauren, have I got the biggest surprise in the world ever.

-Yeah?

We're going to Ayia Napa! I booked the tickets this morning!

Oh, cool.

Is that all I get? You know what, that's cool.

Cos Fat Boy would probably chew my arm off for it.

Lauren?

Babe, what's the matter?!

Babe!

'Get some air, did you?'

I've put Rainie to bed. She's going to feel it tonight.

Listen...

..cos I'm only going to say this once. You're a Cross.

Whatever's going on in your head,

you get up in the morning, put a smile on your face

and help your family.

Time's when I looked after you and your sister.

I was in so much pain my hand shook.

Are you sure you want to talk about parenting skills?

Listen! And listen good.

You've lost this house.

Everything's falling away from you like litter

in the wind. Your little games...

your little affairs... Park 'em!

Put a smile on your face

and get your family back together. Now!

-Have you seen Jodie?

-Only I can't get hold of her and she's been...

Shouldn't you be selling cars or something?

-You honestly expect to marry my daughter, you'll have to man up.

-Actually, I found us a pad.

I mean, it's not all signed off yet, but... it's the flat behind the chippy.

-A chippy flat?

-Yeah.

At least I found us a place. I said I would and I did.

Aren't you the hero?

Oh, you won't be needing to stay with us, then? Take it you've found somewhere?

Look, you can tell Jodie I've sorted a place...

and you can tell her it's not much, but it's ours.

We can move in later.

Sleep well tonight.

-Really? Three days docked?

-Four.

-Carol?

-Do you know,

I got home and I thought who the hell are you to make me feel bad about my family?

-Calm down!

-You know nothing about what went on inside that house!

-We've got a live one.

-Do I look like the sort of person you want to have a laugh at?

PHONE RINGS

Mum...

..you look amazing!

Sorry for what happened today, darling. I let things get on top of me.

-That's OK.

-Now, we need to take control of this...situation.

-I know you've got this wedding planned, but...

-Want me to put it off?

Let's just see what this flat's like that Darren's found.

-Darren's found us a place?

-I was stupid going for Max.

-Followed my heart. Woman of my age.

-But that's the point, isn't it?

Men are money, Jo-Jo.

You find one who can support you, then see if you can put up with his disgusting habits.

Don't be sad, my angel, we'll get through this.

Darren's a good man, Mum.

He'll do for now, but we need to set our sights higher.

I'm not going to end up with nothing.

Not while I can still pull off a Gucci dress.

'Yes, it is I...'

nominee torch bearer for the Olympic Games!

-Where there is darkness, I shall bring light!

-Not now, Fats.

-Hush your gums, man, I'm an Olympian here.

-Space. Now.

Oh...sorry. Sorry, babes. You can congratulate me later, yeah?

All right easy, easy! Easy, goodness!

They're just screw ups. One day me, Abi and Oscar will be gone and they'll still be sneaking around,

getting back together, breaking up, ad vominatum.

Oh, not another one. We're busy, mate, I'm sorry.

-I've decided we got off on the wrong foot.

-Go away!

-Such a loser.

-I was thinking more lovable rogue than loser.

-Sorry, what do you want?

-Same as everyone.

Contract with Man United, someone to invent chocolate that you can eat forever without getting fat...

and her phone number.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-Hi!

-Cheryl!

-I was just passing, I thought I'd pop in.

-I'm not feeling very well -

-sore throat, glands are up and everything...

-Well, you need someone to look after you!

No!

No, I'm not a good patient.

I get very short tempered and grumpy.

I can handle that. You men are all the same when you're ill.

You sit in front of the telly eating crisps!

-What you need is a hot toddy and some vitamin C.

-Honestly, I'll be fine.

It's really nice of you to drop round, but I'll call you another day.

MUSIC PLAYS

# ..Living it up while I'm going down

# Love in an elevator... #

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-I told you, I'm not well!

Oh, sorry, I didn't realise.

Rebecca! Hold on, hold on!

Rebecca, please just wait there! Sorry.

Sorry, I thought you were...

Nevermind. Main thing is you're here.

And you look lovely.

-Have I got this wrong?

-No. Not if you normally dress like that for dinner!

When you said we should make the most of the evening,

I thought you meant we'd clear out your flat...

for that poor boy today.

Is that not what you meant?

-I went to Ibiza once. Didn't care much for it.

-You went to Ibiza and you didn't have a laugh?

-Give me an afternoon on Camber Sands and a stick of rock any day!

-Are you actually about 40?

It is nice there though, ain't it? LAUREN SCOFFS

Went there when I was younger.

-We'll just jack Ayia Napa in, then?

-She's cheered up.

See my effect? Lovable rogue.

-Give us your phone number.

-Oh, just give it to him, Whitney, please.

What do you want?

Your help.

The girls and Oscar are homeless, no-one knows where Max is, Tanya's off on one...

and in the middle of all of that

-Vanessa decides to destroy Jack's house.

-She sounds brilliant.

-Fiery.

-I don't even know why I'm bothering.

Carol, don't go. Look...

Maybe I've been too judgemental.

Times I've given these two a good hiding.

Like when Anthony swapped your Atmos clock for a BMX! It weren't even a proper BMX,

-it was one of them German ones, a Sprick or something.

-I remember that! 1946 that clock was!

-I only had it a week.

-He actually thought you'd be pleased!

-And it was pink...

Yeah, I gave you what for.

Course I didn't throw them out on the street.

It just got out of hand.

Carol, look...

..I had you up on a pedestal.

It was a shock, seeing you do something like that.

-Is anybody else about to die of embarrassment?

-You had me on a pedestal?

So high you'd need a parachute to get down.

That's it. Definitely dying of embarrassment!

-THEY WRETCH

-Well, maybe it's best I'm not on it any more. I'm just your normal...

middle-aged harridan.

But you're MY normal middle-aged harridan.

I'm not your anything, d'you remember?

Please, Lauren. Will you come home please and help me tidy up?

-I'm busy.

-I know you might think it doesn't matter, what with Greg selling the place to Janine,

-but I won't have my house looking like a dump.

-Bit late for keeping up appearances.

Was that all?

Please...

I made a mistake, all right.

Come home. I'll make it up to you and Abs, I promise I will.

You want to tidy up that house, be my guest.

But I was thinking of staying at Whitney's tonight.

I know I haven't been there for you this last day or so...

You can back date that to the first time you and dad starting lying to us.

-When was that, the first time you lied?

-Lauren, don't...

I just want to know the date when my pathetic mother started lying to her kids!

Oh, off you go. You're getting good at that!

-You shouldn't talk to your mum like that.

-Sorry, who are you again?

-He's right, Lauren.

Don't look at me like that because I know that you love your mum.

She knows that she's done wrong and she needs you...properly.

What are you doing here?

You scrub up well.

Very nice.

I'm locking up.

It's my third good deed of the day. I must be on the turn.

-So Eddie's not around, then?

-No.

No, he's down the boozer with his sons

trying to impress his new lady friend.

But then again, you already know that, didn't you?

You still need a place to live.

Let's have a drink.

-Tyler's secret stash.

-I don't want to drink with you!

You don't have to like me.

This is a good single malt.

So, I take it...

you are looking for a new cosy household

to sleep your way into?

You have no idea about me and my life.

Everyone knew why you were with Max - pretty low rent sugar daddy.

I left money to be with him!

And all along Tanya,

Jack, Carol...

just dying to get rid of me.

You know behind all that..."family",

all that talk of love...

they hate each other.

They're just handcuffed together

by genes, by heritage.

They'd kill to be free of it

and they hated me because I was.

Well, you certainly are now. Just walk away.

That's exactly what I'm going to. I wanted to thank your dad first.

Oh, please! You think my family are any different from Max's?

-Eddie's a liar, and he keeps secrets, like everybody else.

-You're just jealous because he's loved.

That's a fair comment actually.

I am jealous. I'm jealous because I'm the outsider in my own family!

And I don't get jokes about pink BMXs and Atmos clocks!

-You've lost me.

-I'm jealous because I can't forgive him.

I can't forgive him for what he did.

Anthony and Tyler, they have a laugh about it.

And I can never be a part of that because I...can't...forgive.

What's he done that's so bad?

He destroyed my mother.

You want a roof over your head...

..take my dad's.

I'll pay you for it.

DOOR SHUTS

Well, that certainly beats dinner in a nice restaurant, doesn't it?

Don't moan. I've got most of the money.

Here we go...

I can get the rest tomorrow, I just can't get it all out in one go.

-Tomorrow's fine.

-Oh, Ian, you are a beautiful man!

Jode, I've got us a flat!

Oh, Darren, I love you!

You did that.

You expect me to hurt him after what he did for me today?

For you?

I came here to thank him, not destroy him.

What choice have you got?

Where are you going to live again?

A hotel?

Wake up!

Look at you...

..you're on your uppers, girl.

Wrong side of 40...

..got no money...

..got no job.

I'm offering you security.

You move in with my dad...

you get money...

..you get a place to stay

and as a nice little bit of icing on your cake,

you get to turf Carol Jackson out on her ear, huh?

Just like she did to you.

What if I'm not as bitter as you?

No, you like the sound of that.

You've got hungry eyes.

Break his heart.

It's there for the taking.

Break it.

And I'll see you right.

-There you go, what do you think?

-It's better.

Dad's just txt, he's OK. He just needs some space for a bit.

Thart's good, isn't it?

Yeah. At lease he's not dead.

So what now then?

Well, I thought you two could go and choose a DVD

and I'd bust open the hot chocolate. Girls night in, what do you think?

Well how do we know you'll be here when we get back?

-I'll never leave you.

-I thought you had this morning.

Darling.

I moved back to Walford just to be with you.

I had to see your dad and that woman every day,

that's how much you mean to me.

So you still love him then?

Well, he's your dad.

I'll love him for that alone for the rest of his life.

Go on, darling, go and choose a DVD, make it a good one.

DOOR SLAMS

Hello, I'd like to make an appointment please, at the clinic.

Thursday? Yeah.

MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY, PATRICK SINGS ALONG

PATRICK LAUGHS

CACKLING

MOBILE RINGS

Sorry about the noise. Kim can't clean up without a bit of music.

At least she's cleaning.

Yeah, heh.

You hardly had anything to eat at breakfast.

-Can I get you some lunch?

-No, thanks.

Look, I wouldn't charge you, you know.

Free lunch for my favourite guest?

No, I'm fine. Thank you.

Ah, Pat. Now The Fete And Fortune Day's tomorrow.

And I'm still looking for my Pearly Queen.

I already said no.

-Too right. You can't have Pat entertaining the kiddies.

-Why not?

Well, she ain't so much of a "Hi-de-Hi", more "Ho-de-Ho",

-if you get my drift.

-Shut it, Mo Harris!

Well, if she doesn't want to do it, we can always find someone else.

Come on, it'll be a laugh. The kids'll love it.

And we can help raise that money for the community centre.

-Instead of a costume, stick her in a rocket. The cash'll come flying in.

-Janine.

Please. For me.

If I say I'll think about it, will you drop it?

-Yes.

-Fine. I'll think about it.

Brilliant. I can't stay, I've got a publicity meeting with the Gazette.

But have another drink. On me.

-I can't shift all this on my own.

-Sorry, darling. I got distracted.

-Right.

-And what's all that?

Oh, that's Vanessa's things. I'll get Jack to take it round.

Listen, I've got to nip out for a bit.

-I can't do this on my own.

-Nan and Abs will help when they get back.

You know they only went shopping to get out of it.

-I need to pack for my holiday.

-Flight's not till tonight.

Yeah, and I've got people that I want to see before I go.

Like Ryan?

Think what you want. But I'm not going to be ashamed of it.

Oh, right, so it's public knowledge, is it? Whitney's all right?

-If it's no big deal, why are you both sneaking about?

-Guess I take after my mother.

Jo-Jo.

Worry for our kids. That's the reason we get up every morning.

What got me up this morning

-was Kim and Denise screeching the house down.

-Oh. Life in a B&B, hey?

I wouldn't call it living.

I remember...my first business went under,

so we had to book into a B&B for a few weeks.

Anthony came down with pneumonia. What a mess.

We were rock bottom.

But in a way, those few weeks made me.

I was forced to draw a line.

And I swore, I'd never get that low again.

Time to start climbing back up.

Thanks, Eddie.

I know Carol has her moments, but she is a good woman.

Are you free for a drink tonight?

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

I'll call you later.

Another one?

-No.

-You can't sit here without ordering something.

-We're not a charity.

-I'll get these.

I'll have one as well, please.

Clock's ticking. Look at that. I need an answer, Vanessa.

-I'm trying to get some peace and quiet.

-Oh, sorry.

How are you getting on at the B&B? How long do you reckon you'll last there?

I'm tougher than I look.

Yeah, I saw you this morning.

Kim screeching, Patrick perving all over you, desperate for a feel.

Denise and her pity. Sound about right?

-It's not forever.

-You got that right.

Unless you get some cash sharpish, you'll be living under that bridge,

that one there... with the grumpy old troll.

I am not interested in destroying your father, Michael.

Find another angle.

-All right, buddy?

-Very well, Alfredo.

A bottle of your finest Cava, please.

Oh, Jean wants to talk to you about catering for tomorrow.

I've got a much better offer over the road.

All right, shortcake? What do you want?

We need pens and paper for our drawing.

I might have something here for you.

-Here we go.

-Bobby still all right up there?

-Yeah, Shenice is looking after him, ain't you?

-Yep.

Good girl. Off you go. Be good.

Yeah, so how are things over at Beale Towers? With, er...

what's that bird's name, Rebecca?

No, it's not the redhead, it's the blonde one today. It is Cheryl.

Look at you.

It's like all my Christmases have come at once.

Jane "dying", right? Best thing that ever happened to me.

-Mrs Jessop?

-Yeah.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're supposed to be with Shenice.

-I want to go home.

-Why, what's happened?

-I know about Mum.

-Bobby, what are you talking about?

-She's dead.

-Who was that?

-What?

It was a punter.

I know you, Ryan Malloy.

-And I know when you're up to something.

-Shut up.

Oh, did I hit a nerve?

Know what, Janine? What I do is none of your business, is it?

Cos you and me are history.

That must sting. Your ex-wife all cashed-up,

while you still collect glasses in a pub.

Well, you literally couldn't pay me enough to spend another night with you.

Still here, then?

This is my home.

You can't drive me out.

MOBILE RINGS

-You said she was dead. Shenice heard you.

-I know. It was...

-It was a joke.

-It's not funny.

Bobby, I know it's not funny, OK? I'm sorry, all right?

It was a really stupid mistake. But listen, your mum's fine, OK?

Jane's fine.

I tell you what, how about we give her a quick call, yeah?

When's she coming home?

I don't think she is.

But how about you go and stay with her next week, yeah?

Would you like that? Come on.

-We're all right though, aren't we? Just the two of us.

-I want my mum.

I know you do, mate. I know.

Um, I've got to go.

Er, Darren. Just...Darren.

Your father's been calling me all morning.

-You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

-No.

You're a terrible liar, Jodie.

Three calls to Harry since last night.

-What are you playing at?

-I was worried.

-We can handle it.

-How?

You're out on the street, I'm stuck in a dingy flat, stinking of fish,

-working for Tanya. Everyone hates us. We've got no money.

-No-one hates you.

Yesterday was really scary, Mum.

I didn't know who else to call.

What are we going to do?

-We'll be in touch tomorrow.

-Right.

Do you have someone to take you home?

-I'll be fine. I'll be fine.

-OK.

-Thanks.

-Can I have a word?

-I'm busy.

I just bought that off of one of your punters.

Drove a hard bargain. Reckons it's really good gear.

Does Alfie know that you're dealing drugs in his pub?

Just get out, OK?

What has happened to you, Ryan?

The man I married would never have sunk this low.

Well, the lowest I ever sank was marrying you, wasn't it?

Now walk away, Janine.

-Alfie?

-Yes, darling?

-Stick another one in there, please.

Anything for our Pearly Queen.

Oi, don't mention the "P" word. I ain't confirmed yet.

Don't tell me. Kim pulled out the big guns and started singing.

Jodie rang my pig of an ex-husband.

Now he wants to charge in and save the day. Make me pay for it later.

You don't need him. You can do it yourself.

-Not if the Brannings have anything to do with it.

-They'll calm down.

In the meantime,

start taking control.

Take that first step.

Well, I suppose I could face that smug cow Tanya.

Go back and get the rest of my stuff. At least I won't have to go back there again.

I'll do you a deal.

You give me a hand to take some gear back to the shop,

and I'll help pick up your stuff.

Cheers, Eddie.

She does my head in. Lecturing me when she's been sneaking around with Dad for months.

Lecturing you about what?

It doesn't matter.

All she cares about is herself. She hasn't even asked me about my exam results.

How did you get on?

Two As. Two Bs. And she got a fail in parenting.

TEXT MESSAGE ALERT

Ooh, Lee. You saved his number, then?

Yeah, all right, shut up.

-Not going to reply?

-Maybe later.

-No. You should go for it.

Nah, I just want to have a nice holiday, you know.

Just forget about boys.

Whitney, Cyprus is full of boys.

Yeah, I know. Anyway, what about your mystery man?

-There's no mystery man.

-Whatever.

-I'll be back in a minute. Just keep looking through them, yeah?

-All right.

-So how is he, then?

-He's a bit better since he spoke to Jane.

Ian, three women on the go? Bound to end in tears.

Yeah, I know. Poor kid. I was so preoccupied, I didn't even think...

Look, maybe I should cut the cord with all of them.

-Just focus on Bobby.

-That sounds like a plan.

Trust me - never take your kids for granted, all right?

She's been boozing all afternoon.

She ain't going to do it. But just in case, you need a backup plan.

-Ooh, talk of the devil. Jean's been looking for you.

-Have I?

Yeah, you wanted to talk to him about the music for tomorrow.

-Oh, yes. Right. Yeah, sorry.

-She wants you to work on something together.

-You know, some of them old East End favourites?

-Oh, I'd love to.

Long as we use proper old vinyl. None of them MP-whatsits.

-No, I hate MPs.

-But...

Excuse me for a minute, would you?

Come on, you'd better hear this.

Did you think about it?

I said I would, didn't I?

If you're not up for it, I understand.

But remember Frank's 21st?

You in your fancy dress gear?

Oh, his eyes just lit up.

We all had such a good time that night.

Pat Harris would do anything for a laugh.

Is she still in there?

I don't think she is.

What do you say?

I'll do it. I'm your Pearly Queen!

-Oh, Pat!

-Oh! Steady on.

You sure Tanya won't say nothing?

It will be fine.

But maybe we should tell Whitney?

She's been getting suspicious and I hate lying to her.

No. Look, it's not the right time, OK?

Yes, but the longer that we leave it...

Lauren, please.

Don't worry about Whitney, OK?

That's my job.

I should be getting back to her. She'll be wondering where I am.

Oh, lovely! You give me a couple of minutes, she's got you for a week.

Leave it a bit before you follow me out.

BANGING ON DOOR

-What do you want?

-My things.

They're in the front room.

Yeah.

There's some boxes in the loft.

You might want to get changed first, though. It's filthy up there.

THUDDING ECHOES NEARBY

Anthony, I need you to look after this place for me.

-Why don't you ask Ty to do it?

-If I wanted to ask Tyler, I would.

I need to be somewhere, Jack's not here. You're in charge.

-All right. I'll tell Tyler.

-All right.

You got the keys?

Sorry?

The keys. To the gym.

To the... Yes. Yeah.

Where are they? They're the ones.

Cheers, Michael.

Alfie?

Oh, spot-check for drugs.

Apparently, someone gave them a tip-off.

Everyone stay where you are, please, we'll get this over with as quick as we can.

Have you got gear on you? How much?

-You said you weren't going to deal.

-Well, I'm going to get rid of it, ain't I?

-Give it to me.

-What? Don't be stupid.

We'll swap it over when we're searched. You go first.

Lauren. OK, just leave it. Leave it.

Don't even think about it.

-What's happening?

-Just stay back, please.

You can talk now or we can do it down the station.

-It's mine. Can you let him go?

-Lauren! What?

It's not hers. It's mine.

-No, it's not.

-She's protecting me.

-What is going on?

-Everybody calm down.

-I'll get a caution, that's it.

-It's mine, all right?

-Listen, there's no way this girl...

-Calm down!

-Ignore him, sir.

-Lauren, what are you doing?

-Just go home.

-Why are you protecting him?

Oh. Oh, it was Ryan all along, was it?

Take her away, please.

-You swore there was nothing going on!

-Whitney, just calm down.

-We wanted to tell you.

-You slag your mum and dad off behind their backs,

-but you're doing the same with your dirty little secret.

-I didn't mean to lie.

Don't you ever... ever talk to me again.

Lauren? Lauren, what's happened?

-Are you her mother?

-Yeah. What's she done?

Tried claiming this was hers to cover for him.

Maybe you can have a word to her about keeping better company.

You're free to go. You'll be coming down the station.

-Right. Thank you, officer.

-Lauren...

No. Don't speak to my daughter. Don't even look at her.

-Whitney? Can we at least just talk about this, please?

-No.

-I paid for your holiday because we're meant to be mates.

-We ARE mates.

No, we ain't, Lauren. Holiday's cancelled.

Get home.

Look at the state of me.

That's your first step.

-You're on your way back.

-It don't feel like it.

-You'll be all right here. Won't be for too long.

-No, it won't.

I'll leave you to it, then.

Eddie?

You've been really good to me.

Can't resist a damsel in distress.

I appreciate it.

At least we know Stace did the right thing.

Taking Lily away.

You don't mean that.

I do.

They're better off without me.

Living a new life.

You know, grief can be a funny thing.

You think that you've got it under control - that it's gone, even -

and then suddenly, when you're least expecting it,

it pops up and taps you on the shoulder and says,

"Hello. Remember me?"

And it's like it never went away.

It makes us do strange things.

So, what?

-You think I'm punishing myself?

-Only you can answer that.

-I care about Lauren. I do.

-She's not Stacey, though.

She doesn't fill that Stacey-shaped hole in your heart.

Come on, let's go.

He's a good boy.

Deep down.

He's just sad.

Yeah.

Craig.

-We should have waited till Michael got back.

-Jack's there now, chill out.

Oh, every time with those damn keys, boy.

Oh, cavalry's here. Ant lost his keys.

Oh, well, that's a surprise.

I haven't lost them. I had them with me.

-So where are they?

-I don't know.

Out the way, you muppets...

I bet they're in the kitchen again.

Oh, here they are.

But I had them with me the whole time, honest...

-It's early onset Alzheimer's, mate.

-No, it's not.

Stop arguing and get the tea started.

Yeah, well, I better do it.

That can opener's a bit of a challenge for you!

So, what happened? Caution?

Oh, OK, so you think you can just waltz back in my pub

like nothing's happened? After you been dealing?

-Alfie...

-I had the Old Bill bending my ear for a half hour.

-Thinking I was in on it.

-I know, I'm sorry.

-Yeah, I'm sure you are.

-I can't keep you on.

-Alfie...

-Just be thankful it's me and not Kat.

Cos right now, she wants you hung drawn and quartered.

Me, I just want you out my pub. So get out.

Fine.

Was it your idea to lie to me?

And keep it a secret?

Well?

Lauren wanted to tell you.

-I bet she did.

-She did, honestly.

So it was you who wanted to lie to me instead?

-No, it's not like that.

-So you used my best mate to lie to me?

We like each other.

I care about her.

No, if you cared about her, Ryan, you'd stay away from her.

-All she needs right now is a junkie boyfriend.

-I'm not a junkie.

Oh, a dealer. Whatever.

Listen, you and Lauren

are all that I've got.

What have I got? A brother and a best mate who lie behind my back.

-I'm sorry.

-I suppose I should be used to it by now.

Whitney, come on...

-You say you're looking out for me, but that's a lie too.

-It's not.

The last few months, Ryan, you have not been there for me.

Not when I actually need you. I don't even know who you are any more.

-I'm still your brother, sat here.

-No, you ain't, Ryan.

Not any more.

-Stay away from him, all right?

-I'm not a kid.

-I'm old enough to be with who I want.

-Like a drug dealer?

-You don't even know him, Mum.

-He just got arrested, Lauren.

Life is too short to waste time with men like that.

You need to focus on Whitney. Get things straight with her.

Yeah, like that's going to happen.

You need your friends, Lauren.

-People that can support you.

-I don't need support.

What? My parents split up. Big deal.

-It happens to loads of people.

-Not just that.

What, then?

I just want to be left alone. So can you go hassle somebody else?

I thought you were better than this.

Don't get on your high horse after what you did to Greg.

-Don't drag that...

-No, you can't judge me when you and Dad just ruined two people's lives.

Actually do you know what?

Why don't you just go follow his lead and disappear?

You want to turn the light on.

It's depressing, sitting in the dark.

He bought it.

No, it's got a crease in it,

you're going to have to pull it tighter.

All right.

Couldn't you have made "Beale's Plaice" bigger?

I tried, but it made it look off balance.

I've got some sponsorship posters printed up as well.

Where shall I stick them?

I'll leave that up to you, Ian.

True. It's my event after all.

Ma, Ma, come here.

Oh, thank you.

We have to help each other. Isn't that what today's about?

Yes.

I've been meaning to come over...

to talk about wedding plans.

We're not having this conversation, Syed. Not now, not ever.

Is that why you're helping me, or is it actually for the fete?

-It's because of the fete.

-Good.

-I hope I've made enough samosas.

-You won't be stuck on the stall all day?

-You are going to have a bit of fun yourself.

-Life isn't all about fun, all right, Syed?

-I'm helping the community.

-They want to see you let your hair down.

I often let my hair down. I am a fun-filled person.

Everyone knows that.

She's a selfish cow.

-I thought she was your best mate.

-No, not after yesterday.

Listen to this - I had my holiday booked, OK?

I had my sunglasses, my passport, but what didn't I have?

My mate. Cos she was having it off with my brother the whole time!

Just forget about it.