Vanessa spirals out of control after the affair is revealed, while Tanya's disappearance throws Abi and Lauren into a panic. Michael makes a momentous discovery.
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Mum's not in her room.
So? She'll have gone after Dad.
But Oscar's in his room. She wouldn't leave him.
Come on, Jode, it's not even six yet.
Max's car's not over there.
I bet they've run away. That'll kill Mum.
Why don't you come back to bed?
I want to be here when she wakes up.
He will be back, you know.
She's not answering...
-Will you call Dad?
-You were the one who told him to go, Lauren!
Abi, you did, too! YOU call him.
Here you go. You'll feel better after a nice cuppa.
There's no way Max'd leave the car lot like that. He's definitely coming back.
Hmm! Finally, he shows a bit of drive! Opening up early today, Darren?
-Er, no, I just...
-Are you OK, Mum?
Yeah, 'course. Why wouldn't I be?
Look, Max is waking up in some grotty hotel right now, feeling stupid.
He'll come back. His type always do.
-You don't think he's with her?
-How about eggs for breakfast? Hmm?
-Abi? What time is it?
-I'm looking for Mum.
Did Dad say anything about them going off together?
What are you talking about? Why d'you think your mum's here?
-I don't believe this.
-Will you calm down? What's going on?
Last time he went off, we ended up in hospital and I can't get through on his phone.
Come inside, you'll get wet.
Did I hear shouting?
Oh, have a day off.
Loud voices, slamming doors, don't tell me...my daughter.
Granddaughter. Mum's done one.
She's so upset.
This is just another day at the office for Tanya.
-You can't say that.
It was Rachel I felt sorry for last time, this time it's the kids who've got my sympathy.
Serial offenders, Max and Tanya.
Some things you just can't stop.
You make them sound like Romeo and Juliet...
Laurel and Hardy, more like.
She's my sister... she's your daughter!
Yeah, and to think I went through the pain of childbirth for this.
They say you forget in time, but every time I look at Tanya, it hits me all over again.
You're just wrong in the head.
She's got a broken heart.
She'll have a broken neck an' all by the time I've wrung it.
You'll have to find her first.
Anthony, if you're under the impression I won't sack my own sons, you're mistaken.
Both of you, round here, five minutes ago.
-The boys late for work, then?
-Didn't even come home last night.
I've got a dealer coming for some gear, I got to get to a sale in Wanstead.
I'll do it. Gym don't open for two hours. I'll do it, I'll stick around.
That's a great help. Thank you.
You're welcome. But don't expect me to get all Antiques Road Show with those old dears.
Maybe I should give their share of the loot to YOU when I'm gone.
If they haven't bankrupted you!
Oh, thanks. Jodie's gone back to bed.
Just because Max is away, don't mean you can wear what you want.
Men in suits sell cars, men in jeans fix them.
Yeah, but I didn't know if I was opening up or...
-Why wouldn't you be? You don't need Max to hold your hand.
-Yeah... but I didn't know what's happening.
Is he just away then, not gone?
He's coming back.
Oh. Cos Jodie seems to think he's...
Oh, for the last time!
-You got some chairs for me?
-Do you know my old man? Eddie Moon.
No. Me neither.
You'd think there'd be something, like an email, a dodgy receipt. You know, smutty playing cards.
Just anything, just to suggest a bit of character.
But there's nothing.
Receipt for those chairs?
No-one's accusing you, Jack, of being in on anything, we're just trying to find them.
No, he doesn't know anything.
How long's this been going on? Your mum and dad?
Months, Lauren said.
Do you think we should call the police or anything?
No, no, they've probably just gone off to sort things out. Those two...
I'll go and get changed, then we'll go back home and see if they've called, yeah?
Vanessa reckons he's coming back, but I don't know.
If he don't, there's no double wedding, no nothing.
You and Jodie can still get married.
With what? I doubt Jodie wants her photos to be by a bus stop outside Walford Registry Office.
If she loves you, doesn't matter where it is.
Yeah, I suppose. Funny though, ain't it? Life.
You think everything's all right, then it roundhouses you with something...
-An '80s music convention in Southend!
Have you been listening to me?
Five Star, Hazel Dean, Culture Club.
Oh, Darren, can you still drive?
My life's falling apart. I wouldn't be able to drive you to the Minute Mart.
-See you later.
-Yeah, see ya.
Here, Shirl, do you believe this? Look! Here, do you think Phil will lend us his car?
No, cos I ain't asking him. Southend.
Marie, can I get a bacon roll please?
Um... I'm really sorry, I've left my money on the side.
It's all right. I'll get this for you, if you like.
Nah, I'm not a charity case.
I'll be back in five.
I've got my sister having a go at me now, as if somehow I'm to blame.
Probably won't even see Max now till my 50th.
He'll turn up moaning at the buffet as if nothing ever happened.
Have you got a secret place?
Where you go to be alone, where you keep stuff?
So you heard about Max's love nest, then?
No...no, but that's what I'm talking about, see.
There must be something.
Him and Tanya had a bedsit where they'd carry on.
How tawdry. That's what I can never get about Max, how'd he manage to pull Vanessa, and then dump her?
-She's my brother's missus. I wouldn't know.
I take that as sarcasm.
Like I said, she's still fit.
Look, I had...
Brannings like to publicise their every move, but not the Golds.
Is your office free?
Thanks for your concern, but you're not needed.
You've tried getting hold of Greg, left messages for Max.
I'm on top of it. Despite those two moping around
and her going on all the time about how Jesus loved everyone.
That's cos he hadn't met Tanya.
Mum? Mum where've you been?!
Probably in her skanky bedsit.
-Where've you been? We've all been worried about you.
-I don't know.
-If you're getting back together, shouldn't he be with you?
-We're not getting back together.
-Right, so the family's destroyed and now you've ditched him?
Only want what you can't have.
You could've persuaded him to stay, at least?
Will you just call him, please?
-Are you kidding me?!
I don't care where Dad is, he can rot.
But she...she's been worried sick, so can you just call him?
-Why not?! What you can lie to your whole family, but now you can't make a phone call?
Just call him, Mum. What's wrong with you?
-'You have one message.
-Darren, it's Max...'
Sorry, we don't have any of them balsam tissues.
Don't want the boys going soft.
-What's that for?
-Well, you look emotional.
Are there tears in my eyes?
Max is an idiot.
But to be fair to him, that is his default setting.
Just with you, I thought he'd turned a corner.
Everyone has blips.
You spoken to him?
Nah, not a word.
You honestly expect me to believe that?
And you? I know you're listening.
What? Sorry, I didn't hear nothing.
Come on, let's be honest. This is Max we're talking about.
-Everyone keeps saying that like it's supposed to mean something.
-Tanya's in his blood.
-Tell her, Jack, go on.
-Tell me what?
About the bedsit.
-Let me know when he calls.
-They had a place where they went.
Maybe if you saw it, it would help you understand.
KNOCK ON DOOR
If that's Tanya, tell her she's not welcome!
-What do you want?
-I've got some wonderful news! Can I come in?
Getting my exam results back Thursday.
I've never seen her like that before.
A year of my life and no-one cares.
It was like she wasn't Mum. She actually ran away.
I think this is that moment you realise your parents are just as useless as everyone else.
'Course, I knew that about five years ago, but you were always slow on the uptake.
-It's not funny!
-Yeah, and I'm not laughing.
I swear they're not my parents, not any more.
Just two idiots called Max and Tanya.
Don't say that! I only told him to go cos I was angry.
He has no-one.
He's lost Mum.
He thinks we hate him.
What if he never comes back?
-'Course he will.
-You don't know that. Why don't you care? You are exactly like Mum!
I hate you for this.
Abi hates me, don't she?
She's just messed up. Can't handle it all.
-I'm so sorry, Jodes...
-That's all right. It weren't your fault, was it?
Yeah, but they're my parents. I can't help feel responsible.
I don't even know if I can go to work. It just feels wrong. Like a betrayal.
I think my mum owes you a bit of time off, don't you?
Apparently, she's got some news for us.
-You've heard from Max?
No, no, sorry. Actually...
all of this is going to be mine!
Except you lot, of course.
Though if you need the money I could do with the labour.
Spoke to Greg this morning on the phone, he said he'll sell me everything. House, beds, sofas...
Oh. Is that damp?
-Can he do that?
-My inheritance came through...
and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that money, well, it buys you things. Like...
I don't know, people. Houses.
What kind of woman revels in kicking Oscar out of his home?
Tanya did that, actually, not me.
Greg was very rude about her on the phone.
So I'll let you all know a date.
Are we going to be homeless?
Can he do that? Just kick us out?
-I'll try and find Tanya.
-Just don't tell the girls, OK?
Don't tell us about what?
What did Janine want?
Token of my appreciation for this morning.
Got a lovely Louis XVI desk in Wanstead.
What? What you doing here?
You're the one acting hot. We're allowed to speak.
-Yes, OK. Sorry, so what do you want?
-Come home with me.
Home as in your house?
-Yeah. Reckon I can sneak you in...
-Lauren, I can't. I'm on my shift.
Wow, maybe you are too old and grey for me after all.
Turns out he's got this bolthole...off the beaten track.
He's a wily one.
Sounds appealing - little place to call your own?
Nah, sounds like a headache to me.
All those extra bills, council tax, rent, heating.
I've a hard enough time with the Emporium.
-Ah, my sweet and lovely lady.
-I'm not your anything, remember?
You've got to learn to take a compliment. It's an art form.
I'm not the creative type.
A beautiful Philistine - bundle of contradictions.
Listen, have you seen Tanya?
-We were just talking about this bloke...
Vodka, please. Neat. Double.
Excuse me a minute.
Hey. I just heard about you and Max, you all right?
Abi came round knocking on the door at God knows what hour.
Oh, please, you honestly expect me to believe you weren't all in on it?
Well, I certainly wasn't.
Little family of cheats, all sneaking around.
Oi! Enough. I wouldn't be surprised
to hear you'd been on at Greg, telling him to sell that house.
-I have no interest in talking to that pathetic excuse.
-He's too nice to do something like that.
All of this will blow over.
It's just a blip.
I don't think so, I'm afraid.
So you did know all about it then, eh? 'Course you did. The Branning tribe all in on it together.
Look, I don't agree with what Max's done to you, but you've got to take your share of the blame.
-You've been here, what, a year? Have you made any friends?
-What's that got to do with anything?
-You've suffocated him.
You've not tried to work, get to know his family, his friends. No.
You've just pranced around that house, flaunting that ridiculous barnet of yours.
I was good to him.
You live by the man. You die by the man, all right?
A woman of your age should have worked that out by now.
That what you tell yourself every night to get to sleep?
Yeah, something like that. But see, you know you're in trouble
when you'll sleep with someone just to avoid your own company.
-You got a stall selling flip-flops ain't you?
-Yeah. D'you want some?
-Nah. They give me blisters.
Sorry. I just wanted to apologise for this morning's gaffe.
-Oh, it was a gaffe, was it?
-Yeah, well...Gaffe City Central, me.
-Gaffington World of Adventures.
All right. I get it. Wally.
So if I were to buy some flip-flops, would you have a drink with me?
What, is that a joke?
I don't follow...
Well, who you been talking to, mate?
You come in here, you offering me money and now this...
-I just wanted to...
-I don't care what you want. Dirty little perv. Go on, do one!
I was on the way to work for the woman who ruined my mum's life.
I'm like, have you lost your marbles? I cannot go back.
'Darren, it's Max.
'You're in charge of the car lot till I get back.
'If I get back.
'Don't screw it up, all right?
'Listen, just... good luck, all right?'
How come he called you and not Mum?
He's definitely not coming back then.
How long have you had this place?
-How did you find...?
About a month, two months.
Where is he?
I don't know. I don't.
I came to you! I just knew Max was having an affair
and I came to YOU.
I am sorry.
Must really hurt.
You spend all that time thinking you've won.
Turns out you've got nothing.
Actually, I ended it, so...
if he's not with you, then, it's cos he wants be on his own.
What's the matter with you?
Do you ever get the feeling that life's passing you by?
-It's in Southend.
-And where d'you think we are, eh?
-It'll be awful.
You won't like the food.
-How you going to afford it? You've got to fork out for hotels...
You know what, it's funny, ain't it? All those songs about, falling in love...
having your first kiss...they fill you with hope when you're young.
You never think that one day you'll be too skint to go to Southend to listen to them.
-Lend me your phone.
-Cos I'm going to book us tickets.
-No, don't worry.
Like you said, I can't afford it.
Well, we'll have to work something out, then, won't we?
-Don't give me that look! Not after the guilt trip.
-Phil's Jag, too?
No, Pussy Galore. We're going by train.
Honestly, you'll be poncing about in a power suit with a Filofax, soon.
Oh, Shirl! We're going to Southend!
-And I can't find Tanya anywhere. Just have to assume that Greg'll sell up.
-Not my problem.
So you'll see them out on the streets?
I'm not turfing Vanessa out. Ain't her fault Max's jumped ship. I won't punish the woman twice!
Lauren. Abi. Oscar. Remember them?
Max'd throw a fit if he thinks for one second you'd let them down.
Well, it's Max that's let them down, innit? Not me.
Not Vanessa. It's Max. I'm sick of clearing up his mess all the time!
-I won't do it any more.
-Don't walk away. I'm not losing this argument!
Bubbly's in the fridge(!)
Bubbly's in the fridge?!
BUBBLY'S IN THE FRIDGE?!
Mum, stop it!
-So the sale ain't gone through yet?
-No, but what power do we have?
Mum can fight him in the court, right?
She's been cheating, darling. I don't think we can count on the judge being that sympathetic.
You've got to free up your house, Jack.
Oh, there you are!
We've lost the house because of you! Cos of what you did, Greg's selling it.
He's selling it?
Well, it's his, I suppose, innit?
Don't you even care? What is wrong with you? Why don't you care about anything?!
Because it is all falling apart, Mum, and you're not even bothered.
-How did you get off work?
-Pulled a sickie.
What and they bought it?
-Just call me Ferris.
-Best you stay here.
-Yeah, Tanya needs you.
Something's not right with you.
All right, I know you done Greg over, but my Tanya wouldn't let him do this to her.
She'd be on the phone calling lawyers, threatening to squat.
What's wrong? Tell me!
Thanks, Marie! I'm celebrating, so don't put that away just yet, yeah?
Let me do the talking, yeah?
-OK, as long as you go through with it.
-Give her a week, yeah?
Er...Jack. You know, now's not a great time, to be honest.
-This whole thing - it's hit her hard.
-We'll come back another time, yeah?
-CRASH, SCREAMING >
-What was that?
-What you doing?!
-Look at this house!
-All those times I had her in my house. My house! My house!
Jack, you've got to get her out!
Tanya's having this house for the kids, so leave it!
-Throw me out after what your family's done to me?!
-Look at this place, what choice have I got?!
SCUM! I'll kill all you Branning scum!
I'm going to kill you all!
A beautiful Philistine?
There's nothing wrong in giving a woman a compliment.
A compliment is "Nice hair, dear"
or "You don't look a day over 25, darling". That's practically an admission of love.
She's rarity. The woman is a marvellous rarity...
Get out! Stop it, stop it!
If Max was here you wouldn't dare...
If Max was here he'd give us a hand! He never loved you! You were a front! To get at Tanya.
Stop them, please!
-What do you think you're doing?
-It's not how it looks.
-You should see the state in there!
-She threatened to kill our family!
You didn't mean it, did you, Mum?
Up you come. Come on. No bones broken.
-Maybe a big dry cleaning bill.
-Look at Dad, straight in there.
Let's go before he clocks us.
-Honestly, we didn't want this. She attacked Jack!
-Come on, Jodie.
-That's our home, Darren.
Come on, Jodie. Come and help your mum.
Let's get you away from here.
All right, it's all right.
Take a seat.
There you go.
Sorry it's not a glass one, but you didn't give me much notice.
-You got yourself a new prince already, Mum.
-She'll be all right.
-Just needs somewhere where you can get your breath back.
-There's the office at the car lot.
Maybe somewhere with a bathroom, so she can get cleaned up.
There's the B&B. I mean, it ain't no palace, but...
Perfect! Would you do me the honour?
Can you pack Mum some things? A change of clothes and her wash bag.
-What, you want me to go back in there?!
You did what you had to do.
That woman has lost everything. No matter what you think of her, none of this was her fault.
I've come to get a few things for Vanessa to change into.
Well, if I do it I'm bound to get it wrong, you know...being a bloke.
That's been there all day.
Well, we need a room.
Yeah. Have mine.
It's got towels in it. It's clean. Go on, just have a lie down.
Thank you. Both of you, you've been so kind.
It's the least we could do.
She'll be OK.
Imagine treating her like that.
Yeah, you don't know though, do you? Maybe she did threaten the kids.
-What was all that shouting outside?
-Didn't hear anything.
-Ryan! D'you want your cuppa up there or you coming down?
-Anyone would think you wanted someone to hear!
-What are you doing in my house?
-It's not your house.
Greg sold it cos you had an affair.
-Yep. Speak later.
She can't tell us what to do!
Don't even think of trying to tell me off after what you've done. You don't have the moral authority.
I got as much as I could. Few outfits. Change of underwear.
-What? Carol packed it! It's not like I went through her drawers.
You let Carol touch my things?
Go and lie down, Mum.
-I went back in that house of horrors for you and all you do is moan!
-How am I supposed to get all this upstairs!?
-Do it yourself!
I have to figure out where to live and how to pay for this wedding.
Got all your things, Mum. We can get you all done up now.
They'd never have done this if Max had been here.
He'd have killed 'em, he'd have stopped it.
He's not coming back, is he?
That's why they did it!
He's not coming back!
Don't think I didn't see you sneak in this afternoon.
That's one day's wages docked.
Maybe two if I don't cheer up.
Yeah, all right, but what do you reckon - Tanya or Vanessa?
You was all over her like a cheap suit just now!
Eddie, can I have a word?
Look, I'm sorry that you had to see that.
Michael? Do us a favour, go and see how Vanessa is.
Bit worried about her.
Why shouldn't me and Ryan be together? There aren't any kids involved.
-There are - YOU'RE a kid.
Even the law which, let's face it, is pretty down on anything fun,
-even the law says I can have sex!
Have you heard what's going on out there?
-Jack's chucked Vanessa out on the street!
-To move US in!
-I never asked him to do that.
Maybe Uncle Jack thought something needed doing before we end up on the street!
RAINIE: It's finished! Come see, quick!
-My greatest work!
-Now that is what I call a housewarming gift.
-This is all your fault, Mum.
I just need to get some air.
-Not now, Fiona.
Sorry, I didn't see you there.
Too many women in your life obviously!
I hope you don't think I'm weird popping in like this,
but it was so lovely meeting you and Bobby
at the swings yesterday. You mentioned the business
and I was passing... Oh, look at me rabbiting on!
It's fine, I don't mind at all, Rebecca. It's lovely to see you again.
-Maybe we should put off the wedding.
-Has your mum said anything?
No, but how's she going to stand there and watch us get married now?
And we can't even afford it anyway. Where are we sleeping tonight?
Don't even think about it.
-What does he want?!
-How should I know?
-Then why's he calling?
I cancelled the call, right. Leave it!
Look, you don't need him, Jode!
I'm going to find us somewhere!
How're you getting on? My room no good?
Plug socket was too far away from the mirror.
Honestly, how do you do your hair in the mornings?
You don't have to put on a brave face for me, you know.
I'll be out of your way soon.
You found somewhere, yeah?
Why did you tell me,
-about the bedsit?
-You needed to know.
What do you care what I need?
You've got a lovely dad there.
Made me wonder if I got you wrong.
Well, that depends what you thought of me in the first place.
I certainly didn't think you were one to fish for compliments.
Maybe I have low self-esteem issues.
-I think you wouldn't do what Max has done.
-Oh, I dunno.
I've kicked a few out in my time.
Yeah, but I bet you made it clear.
You didn't hide behind...
love and promises.
I bet those women knew exactly what they were getting.
..and it was never a place to stay.
drop the keys off at the gym when you're done, yeah?
Not that my patients are a trusted source of news,
but I hear things have been eventful.
Is that what you wanted to talk about?
Have you managed to book an appointment yet?
I've been trying...
Let's do it together. If we call them now, they'll see you by the end of the week.
By the end of the week?
I thought there'd be a waiting list, that's all you hear about.
With the abnormal cells we found, they'll want to perform a colposcopy and a biopsy as soon as possible.
Have you told anyone, your family?
-None of their business.
-Tanya, you need support.
-I'm fine. I'm fine.
You came here presumably because you wanted someone to talk to.
I don't know why I came.
If you want advice...
go back to your family. Tell them.
Let them help you.
The fat fryer's on the blink and I'm turning away customers. I haven't got have time for this.
I've been using the flat for storage. It's not in a fit state.
-I don't care, I just need a place!
-You can't afford the rent!
-Word travels fast. I've still got a job!
-That car lot won't survive without Max.
How long will Jodie work for Tanya? I need a better guarantor than that.
-I've got Vanessa!
-Are you OK, love?
I just need to find a place for me and my fiancee or she'll run off back to her dad!
Oh, you poor thing!
Yeah. Look, I tell you what, I'll try and get the stuff moved out later on and you go in it.
It won't be pretty or anything but it's a start, innit?
-You sure about that, Ian?
I'm not going to let you down, I'm good for the money.
Give us a call later, yeah.
He's a good lad. Just needs a helping hand.
You're so lovely, aren't you?
Forgive me saying this, but your wife...
she must have been a wonderful woman.
-what'd your mum say about us?
-You looking for the seal of approval?
I don't think you're quite what she had in mind for her little girl.
What you talking about? That's not what I mean. Will she tell Whitney?
-The way you're carrying on, she won't have to.
-Lauren, have I got the biggest surprise in the world ever.
We're going to Ayia Napa! I booked the tickets this morning!
Is that all I get? You know what, that's cool.
Cos Fat Boy would probably chew my arm off for it.
Babe, what's the matter?!
'Get some air, did you?'
I've put Rainie to bed. She's going to feel it tonight.
..cos I'm only going to say this once. You're a Cross.
Whatever's going on in your head,
you get up in the morning, put a smile on your face
and help your family.
Time's when I looked after you and your sister.
I was in so much pain my hand shook.
Are you sure you want to talk about parenting skills?
Listen! And listen good.
You've lost this house.
Everything's falling away from you like litter
in the wind. Your little games...
your little affairs... Park 'em!
Put a smile on your face
and get your family back together. Now!
-Have you seen Jodie?
-Only I can't get hold of her and she's been...
Shouldn't you be selling cars or something?
-You honestly expect to marry my daughter, you'll have to man up.
-Actually, I found us a pad.
I mean, it's not all signed off yet, but... it's the flat behind the chippy.
-A chippy flat?
At least I found us a place. I said I would and I did.
Aren't you the hero?
Oh, you won't be needing to stay with us, then? Take it you've found somewhere?
Look, you can tell Jodie I've sorted a place...
and you can tell her it's not much, but it's ours.
We can move in later.
Sleep well tonight.
-Really? Three days docked?
-Do you know,
I got home and I thought who the hell are you to make me feel bad about my family?
-You know nothing about what went on inside that house!
-We've got a live one.
-Do I look like the sort of person you want to have a laugh at?
..you look amazing!
Sorry for what happened today, darling. I let things get on top of me.
-Now, we need to take control of this...situation.
-I know you've got this wedding planned, but...
-Want me to put it off?
Let's just see what this flat's like that Darren's found.
-Darren's found us a place?
-I was stupid going for Max.
-Followed my heart. Woman of my age.
-But that's the point, isn't it?
Men are money, Jo-Jo.
You find one who can support you, then see if you can put up with his disgusting habits.
Don't be sad, my angel, we'll get through this.
Darren's a good man, Mum.
He'll do for now, but we need to set our sights higher.
I'm not going to end up with nothing.
Not while I can still pull off a Gucci dress.
'Yes, it is I...'
nominee torch bearer for the Olympic Games!
-Where there is darkness, I shall bring light!
-Not now, Fats.
-Hush your gums, man, I'm an Olympian here.
Oh...sorry. Sorry, babes. You can congratulate me later, yeah?
All right easy, easy! Easy, goodness!
They're just screw ups. One day me, Abi and Oscar will be gone and they'll still be sneaking around,
getting back together, breaking up, ad vominatum.
Oh, not another one. We're busy, mate, I'm sorry.
-I've decided we got off on the wrong foot.
-Such a loser.
-I was thinking more lovable rogue than loser.
-Sorry, what do you want?
-Same as everyone.
Contract with Man United, someone to invent chocolate that you can eat forever without getting fat...
and her phone number.
KNOCK AT DOOR
-I was just passing, I thought I'd pop in.
-I'm not feeling very well -
-sore throat, glands are up and everything...
-Well, you need someone to look after you!
No, I'm not a good patient.
I get very short tempered and grumpy.
I can handle that. You men are all the same when you're ill.
You sit in front of the telly eating crisps!
-What you need is a hot toddy and some vitamin C.
-Honestly, I'll be fine.
It's really nice of you to drop round, but I'll call you another day.
# ..Living it up while I'm going down
# Love in an elevator... #
-KNOCK AT DOOR
-I told you, I'm not well!
Oh, sorry, I didn't realise.
Rebecca! Hold on, hold on!
Rebecca, please just wait there! Sorry.
Sorry, I thought you were...
Nevermind. Main thing is you're here.
And you look lovely.
-Have I got this wrong?
-No. Not if you normally dress like that for dinner!
When you said we should make the most of the evening,
I thought you meant we'd clear out your flat...
for that poor boy today.
Is that not what you meant?
-I went to Ibiza once. Didn't care much for it.
-You went to Ibiza and you didn't have a laugh?
-Give me an afternoon on Camber Sands and a stick of rock any day!
-Are you actually about 40?
It is nice there though, ain't it? LAUREN SCOFFS
Went there when I was younger.
-We'll just jack Ayia Napa in, then?
-She's cheered up.
See my effect? Lovable rogue.
-Give us your phone number.
-Oh, just give it to him, Whitney, please.
What do you want?
The girls and Oscar are homeless, no-one knows where Max is, Tanya's off on one...
and in the middle of all of that
-Vanessa decides to destroy Jack's house.
-She sounds brilliant.
-I don't even know why I'm bothering.
Carol, don't go. Look...
Maybe I've been too judgemental.
Times I've given these two a good hiding.
Like when Anthony swapped your Atmos clock for a BMX! It weren't even a proper BMX,
-it was one of them German ones, a Sprick or something.
-I remember that! 1946 that clock was!
-I only had it a week.
-He actually thought you'd be pleased!
-And it was pink...
Yeah, I gave you what for.
Course I didn't throw them out on the street.
It just got out of hand.
..I had you up on a pedestal.
It was a shock, seeing you do something like that.
-Is anybody else about to die of embarrassment?
-You had me on a pedestal?
So high you'd need a parachute to get down.
That's it. Definitely dying of embarrassment!
-Well, maybe it's best I'm not on it any more. I'm just your normal...
But you're MY normal middle-aged harridan.
I'm not your anything, d'you remember?
Please, Lauren. Will you come home please and help me tidy up?
-I know you might think it doesn't matter, what with Greg selling the place to Janine,
-but I won't have my house looking like a dump.
-Bit late for keeping up appearances.
Was that all?
I made a mistake, all right.
Come home. I'll make it up to you and Abs, I promise I will.
You want to tidy up that house, be my guest.
But I was thinking of staying at Whitney's tonight.
I know I haven't been there for you this last day or so...
You can back date that to the first time you and dad starting lying to us.
-When was that, the first time you lied?
I just want to know the date when my pathetic mother started lying to her kids!
Oh, off you go. You're getting good at that!
-You shouldn't talk to your mum like that.
-Sorry, who are you again?
-He's right, Lauren.
Don't look at me like that because I know that you love your mum.
She knows that she's done wrong and she needs you...properly.
What are you doing here?
You scrub up well.
I'm locking up.
It's my third good deed of the day. I must be on the turn.
-So Eddie's not around, then?
No, he's down the boozer with his sons
trying to impress his new lady friend.
But then again, you already know that, didn't you?
You still need a place to live.
Let's have a drink.
-Tyler's secret stash.
-I don't want to drink with you!
You don't have to like me.
This is a good single malt.
So, I take it...
you are looking for a new cosy household
to sleep your way into?
You have no idea about me and my life.
Everyone knew why you were with Max - pretty low rent sugar daddy.
I left money to be with him!
And all along Tanya,
just dying to get rid of me.
You know behind all that..."family",
all that talk of love...
they hate each other.
They're just handcuffed together
by genes, by heritage.
They'd kill to be free of it
and they hated me because I was.
Well, you certainly are now. Just walk away.
That's exactly what I'm going to. I wanted to thank your dad first.
Oh, please! You think my family are any different from Max's?
-Eddie's a liar, and he keeps secrets, like everybody else.
-You're just jealous because he's loved.
That's a fair comment actually.
I am jealous. I'm jealous because I'm the outsider in my own family!
And I don't get jokes about pink BMXs and Atmos clocks!
-You've lost me.
-I'm jealous because I can't forgive him.
I can't forgive him for what he did.
Anthony and Tyler, they have a laugh about it.
And I can never be a part of that because I...can't...forgive.
What's he done that's so bad?
He destroyed my mother.
You want a roof over your head...
..take my dad's.
I'll pay you for it.
Well, that certainly beats dinner in a nice restaurant, doesn't it?
Don't moan. I've got most of the money.
Here we go...
I can get the rest tomorrow, I just can't get it all out in one go.
-Oh, Ian, you are a beautiful man!
Jode, I've got us a flat!
Oh, Darren, I love you!
You did that.
You expect me to hurt him after what he did for me today?
I came here to thank him, not destroy him.
What choice have you got?
Where are you going to live again?
Look at you...
..you're on your uppers, girl.
Wrong side of 40...
..got no money...
..got no job.
I'm offering you security.
You move in with my dad...
you get money...
..you get a place to stay
and as a nice little bit of icing on your cake,
you get to turf Carol Jackson out on her ear, huh?
Just like she did to you.
What if I'm not as bitter as you?
No, you like the sound of that.
You've got hungry eyes.
Break his heart.
It's there for the taking.
And I'll see you right.
-There you go, what do you think?
Dad's just txt, he's OK. He just needs some space for a bit.
Thart's good, isn't it?
Yeah. At lease he's not dead.
So what now then?
Well, I thought you two could go and choose a DVD
and I'd bust open the hot chocolate. Girls night in, what do you think?
Well how do we know you'll be here when we get back?
-I'll never leave you.
-I thought you had this morning.
I moved back to Walford just to be with you.
I had to see your dad and that woman every day,
that's how much you mean to me.
So you still love him then?
Well, he's your dad.
I'll love him for that alone for the rest of his life.
Go on, darling, go and choose a DVD, make it a good one.
Hello, I'd like to make an appointment please, at the clinic.
MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY, PATRICK SINGS ALONG
Sorry about the noise. Kim can't clean up without a bit of music.
At least she's cleaning.
You hardly had anything to eat at breakfast.
-Can I get you some lunch?
Look, I wouldn't charge you, you know.
Free lunch for my favourite guest?
No, I'm fine. Thank you.
Ah, Pat. Now The Fete And Fortune Day's tomorrow.
And I'm still looking for my Pearly Queen.
I already said no.
-Too right. You can't have Pat entertaining the kiddies.
Well, she ain't so much of a "Hi-de-Hi", more "Ho-de-Ho",
-if you get my drift.
-Shut it, Mo Harris!
Well, if she doesn't want to do it, we can always find someone else.
Come on, it'll be a laugh. The kids'll love it.
And we can help raise that money for the community centre.
-Instead of a costume, stick her in a rocket. The cash'll come flying in.
Please. For me.
If I say I'll think about it, will you drop it?
-Fine. I'll think about it.
Brilliant. I can't stay, I've got a publicity meeting with the Gazette.
But have another drink. On me.
-I can't shift all this on my own.
-Sorry, darling. I got distracted.
-And what's all that?
Oh, that's Vanessa's things. I'll get Jack to take it round.
Listen, I've got to nip out for a bit.
-I can't do this on my own.
-Nan and Abs will help when they get back.
You know they only went shopping to get out of it.
-I need to pack for my holiday.
-Flight's not till tonight.
Yeah, and I've got people that I want to see before I go.
Think what you want. But I'm not going to be ashamed of it.
Oh, right, so it's public knowledge, is it? Whitney's all right?
-If it's no big deal, why are you both sneaking about?
-Guess I take after my mother.
Worry for our kids. That's the reason we get up every morning.
What got me up this morning
-was Kim and Denise screeching the house down.
-Oh. Life in a B&B, hey?
I wouldn't call it living.
I remember...my first business went under,
so we had to book into a B&B for a few weeks.
Anthony came down with pneumonia. What a mess.
We were rock bottom.
But in a way, those few weeks made me.
I was forced to draw a line.
And I swore, I'd never get that low again.
Time to start climbing back up.
I know Carol has her moments, but she is a good woman.
Are you free for a drink tonight?
Yeah. Yeah, I am.
I'll call you later.
-You can't sit here without ordering something.
-We're not a charity.
-I'll get these.
I'll have one as well, please.
Clock's ticking. Look at that. I need an answer, Vanessa.
-I'm trying to get some peace and quiet.
How are you getting on at the B&B? How long do you reckon you'll last there?
I'm tougher than I look.
Yeah, I saw you this morning.
Kim screeching, Patrick perving all over you, desperate for a feel.
Denise and her pity. Sound about right?
-It's not forever.
-You got that right.
Unless you get some cash sharpish, you'll be living under that bridge,
that one there... with the grumpy old troll.
I am not interested in destroying your father, Michael.
Find another angle.
-All right, buddy?
-Very well, Alfredo.
A bottle of your finest Cava, please.
Oh, Jean wants to talk to you about catering for tomorrow.
I've got a much better offer over the road.
All right, shortcake? What do you want?
We need pens and paper for our drawing.
I might have something here for you.
-Here we go.
-Bobby still all right up there?
-Yeah, Shenice is looking after him, ain't you?
Good girl. Off you go. Be good.
Yeah, so how are things over at Beale Towers? With, er...
what's that bird's name, Rebecca?
No, it's not the redhead, it's the blonde one today. It is Cheryl.
Look at you.
It's like all my Christmases have come at once.
Jane "dying", right? Best thing that ever happened to me.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're supposed to be with Shenice.
-I want to go home.
-Why, what's happened?
-I know about Mum.
-Bobby, what are you talking about?
-Who was that?
It was a punter.
I know you, Ryan Malloy.
-And I know when you're up to something.
Oh, did I hit a nerve?
Know what, Janine? What I do is none of your business, is it?
Cos you and me are history.
That must sting. Your ex-wife all cashed-up,
while you still collect glasses in a pub.
Well, you literally couldn't pay me enough to spend another night with you.
Still here, then?
This is my home.
You can't drive me out.
-You said she was dead. Shenice heard you.
-I know. It was...
-It was a joke.
-It's not funny.
Bobby, I know it's not funny, OK? I'm sorry, all right?
It was a really stupid mistake. But listen, your mum's fine, OK?
I tell you what, how about we give her a quick call, yeah?
When's she coming home?
I don't think she is.
But how about you go and stay with her next week, yeah?
Would you like that? Come on.
-We're all right though, aren't we? Just the two of us.
-I want my mum.
I know you do, mate. I know.
Um, I've got to go.
Er, Darren. Just...Darren.
Your father's been calling me all morning.
-You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
You're a terrible liar, Jodie.
Three calls to Harry since last night.
-What are you playing at?
-I was worried.
-We can handle it.
You're out on the street, I'm stuck in a dingy flat, stinking of fish,
-working for Tanya. Everyone hates us. We've got no money.
-No-one hates you.
Yesterday was really scary, Mum.
I didn't know who else to call.
What are we going to do?
-We'll be in touch tomorrow.
Do you have someone to take you home?
-I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
-Can I have a word?
I just bought that off of one of your punters.
Drove a hard bargain. Reckons it's really good gear.
Does Alfie know that you're dealing drugs in his pub?
Just get out, OK?
What has happened to you, Ryan?
The man I married would never have sunk this low.
Well, the lowest I ever sank was marrying you, wasn't it?
Now walk away, Janine.
-Stick another one in there, please.
Anything for our Pearly Queen.
Oi, don't mention the "P" word. I ain't confirmed yet.
Don't tell me. Kim pulled out the big guns and started singing.
Jodie rang my pig of an ex-husband.
Now he wants to charge in and save the day. Make me pay for it later.
You don't need him. You can do it yourself.
-Not if the Brannings have anything to do with it.
-They'll calm down.
In the meantime,
start taking control.
Take that first step.
Well, I suppose I could face that smug cow Tanya.
Go back and get the rest of my stuff. At least I won't have to go back there again.
I'll do you a deal.
You give me a hand to take some gear back to the shop,
and I'll help pick up your stuff.
She does my head in. Lecturing me when she's been sneaking around with Dad for months.
Lecturing you about what?
It doesn't matter.
All she cares about is herself. She hasn't even asked me about my exam results.
How did you get on?
Two As. Two Bs. And she got a fail in parenting.
TEXT MESSAGE ALERT
Ooh, Lee. You saved his number, then?
Yeah, all right, shut up.
-Not going to reply?
-No. You should go for it.
Nah, I just want to have a nice holiday, you know.
Just forget about boys.
Whitney, Cyprus is full of boys.
Yeah, I know. Anyway, what about your mystery man?
-There's no mystery man.
-I'll be back in a minute. Just keep looking through them, yeah?
-So how is he, then?
-He's a bit better since he spoke to Jane.
Ian, three women on the go? Bound to end in tears.
Yeah, I know. Poor kid. I was so preoccupied, I didn't even think...
Look, maybe I should cut the cord with all of them.
-Just focus on Bobby.
-That sounds like a plan.
Trust me - never take your kids for granted, all right?
She's been boozing all afternoon.
She ain't going to do it. But just in case, you need a backup plan.
-Ooh, talk of the devil. Jean's been looking for you.
Yeah, you wanted to talk to him about the music for tomorrow.
-Oh, yes. Right. Yeah, sorry.
-She wants you to work on something together.
-You know, some of them old East End favourites?
-Oh, I'd love to.
Long as we use proper old vinyl. None of them MP-whatsits.
-No, I hate MPs.
Excuse me for a minute, would you?
Come on, you'd better hear this.
Did you think about it?
I said I would, didn't I?
If you're not up for it, I understand.
But remember Frank's 21st?
You in your fancy dress gear?
Oh, his eyes just lit up.
We all had such a good time that night.
Pat Harris would do anything for a laugh.
Is she still in there?
I don't think she is.
What do you say?
I'll do it. I'm your Pearly Queen!
-Oh! Steady on.
You sure Tanya won't say nothing?
It will be fine.
But maybe we should tell Whitney?
She's been getting suspicious and I hate lying to her.
No. Look, it's not the right time, OK?
Yes, but the longer that we leave it...
Don't worry about Whitney, OK?
That's my job.
I should be getting back to her. She'll be wondering where I am.
Oh, lovely! You give me a couple of minutes, she's got you for a week.
Leave it a bit before you follow me out.
BANGING ON DOOR
-What do you want?
They're in the front room.
There's some boxes in the loft.
You might want to get changed first, though. It's filthy up there.
THUDDING ECHOES NEARBY
Anthony, I need you to look after this place for me.
-Why don't you ask Ty to do it?
-If I wanted to ask Tyler, I would.
I need to be somewhere, Jack's not here. You're in charge.
-All right. I'll tell Tyler.
You got the keys?
The keys. To the gym.
To the... Yes. Yeah.
Where are they? They're the ones.
Oh, spot-check for drugs.
Apparently, someone gave them a tip-off.
Everyone stay where you are, please, we'll get this over with as quick as we can.
Have you got gear on you? How much?
-You said you weren't going to deal.
-Well, I'm going to get rid of it, ain't I?
-Give it to me.
-What? Don't be stupid.
We'll swap it over when we're searched. You go first.
Lauren. OK, just leave it. Leave it.
Don't even think about it.
-Just stay back, please.
You can talk now or we can do it down the station.
-It's mine. Can you let him go?
It's not hers. It's mine.
-No, it's not.
-She's protecting me.
-What is going on?
-Everybody calm down.
-I'll get a caution, that's it.
-It's mine, all right?
-Listen, there's no way this girl...
-Ignore him, sir.
-Lauren, what are you doing?
-Just go home.
-Why are you protecting him?
Oh. Oh, it was Ryan all along, was it?
Take her away, please.
-You swore there was nothing going on!
-Whitney, just calm down.
-We wanted to tell you.
-You slag your mum and dad off behind their backs,
-but you're doing the same with your dirty little secret.
-I didn't mean to lie.
Don't you ever... ever talk to me again.
Lauren? Lauren, what's happened?
-Are you her mother?
-Yeah. What's she done?
Tried claiming this was hers to cover for him.
Maybe you can have a word to her about keeping better company.
You're free to go. You'll be coming down the station.
-Right. Thank you, officer.
No. Don't speak to my daughter. Don't even look at her.
-Whitney? Can we at least just talk about this, please?
-I paid for your holiday because we're meant to be mates.
-We ARE mates.
No, we ain't, Lauren. Holiday's cancelled.
Look at the state of me.
That's your first step.
-You're on your way back.
-It don't feel like it.
-You'll be all right here. Won't be for too long.
-No, it won't.
I'll leave you to it, then.
You've been really good to me.
Can't resist a damsel in distress.
I appreciate it.
At least we know Stace did the right thing.
Taking Lily away.
You don't mean that.
They're better off without me.
Living a new life.
You know, grief can be a funny thing.
You think that you've got it under control - that it's gone, even -
and then suddenly, when you're least expecting it,
it pops up and taps you on the shoulder and says,
"Hello. Remember me?"
And it's like it never went away.
It makes us do strange things.
-You think I'm punishing myself?
-Only you can answer that.
-I care about Lauren. I do.
-She's not Stacey, though.
She doesn't fill that Stacey-shaped hole in your heart.
Come on, let's go.
He's a good boy.
He's just sad.
-We should have waited till Michael got back.
-Jack's there now, chill out.
Oh, every time with those damn keys, boy.
Oh, cavalry's here. Ant lost his keys.
Oh, well, that's a surprise.
I haven't lost them. I had them with me.
-So where are they?
-I don't know.
Out the way, you muppets...
I bet they're in the kitchen again.
Oh, here they are.
But I had them with me the whole time, honest...
-It's early onset Alzheimer's, mate.
-No, it's not.
Stop arguing and get the tea started.
Yeah, well, I better do it.
That can opener's a bit of a challenge for you!
So, what happened? Caution?
Oh, OK, so you think you can just waltz back in my pub
like nothing's happened? After you been dealing?
-I had the Old Bill bending my ear for a half hour.
-Thinking I was in on it.
-I know, I'm sorry.
-Yeah, I'm sure you are.
-I can't keep you on.
-Just be thankful it's me and not Kat.
Cos right now, she wants you hung drawn and quartered.
Me, I just want you out my pub. So get out.
Was it your idea to lie to me?
And keep it a secret?
Lauren wanted to tell you.
-I bet she did.
-She did, honestly.
So it was you who wanted to lie to me instead?
-No, it's not like that.
-So you used my best mate to lie to me?
We like each other.
I care about her.
No, if you cared about her, Ryan, you'd stay away from her.
-All she needs right now is a junkie boyfriend.
-I'm not a junkie.
Oh, a dealer. Whatever.
Listen, you and Lauren
are all that I've got.
What have I got? A brother and a best mate who lie behind my back.
-I suppose I should be used to it by now.
Whitney, come on...
-You say you're looking out for me, but that's a lie too.
The last few months, Ryan, you have not been there for me.
Not when I actually need you. I don't even know who you are any more.
-I'm still your brother, sat here.
-No, you ain't, Ryan.
Not any more.
-Stay away from him, all right?
-I'm not a kid.
-I'm old enough to be with who I want.
-Like a drug dealer?
-You don't even know him, Mum.
-He just got arrested, Lauren.
Life is too short to waste time with men like that.
You need to focus on Whitney. Get things straight with her.
Yeah, like that's going to happen.
You need your friends, Lauren.
-People that can support you.
-I don't need support.
What? My parents split up. Big deal.
-It happens to loads of people.
-Not just that.
I just want to be left alone. So can you go hassle somebody else?
I thought you were better than this.
Don't get on your high horse after what you did to Greg.
-Don't drag that...
-No, you can't judge me when you and Dad just ruined two people's lives.
Actually do you know what?
Why don't you just go follow his lead and disappear?
You want to turn the light on.
It's depressing, sitting in the dark.
He bought it.
No, it's got a crease in it,
you're going to have to pull it tighter.
Couldn't you have made "Beale's Plaice" bigger?
I tried, but it made it look off balance.
I've got some sponsorship posters printed up as well.
Where shall I stick them?
I'll leave that up to you, Ian.
True. It's my event after all.
Ma, Ma, come here.
Oh, thank you.
We have to help each other. Isn't that what today's about?
I've been meaning to come over...
to talk about wedding plans.
We're not having this conversation, Syed. Not now, not ever.
Is that why you're helping me, or is it actually for the fete?
-It's because of the fete.
-I hope I've made enough samosas.
-You won't be stuck on the stall all day?
-You are going to have a bit of fun yourself.
-Life isn't all about fun, all right, Syed?
-I'm helping the community.
-They want to see you let your hair down.
I often let my hair down. I am a fun-filled person.
Everyone knows that.
She's a selfish cow.
-I thought she was your best mate.
-No, not after yesterday.
Listen to this - I had my holiday booked, OK?
I had my sunglasses, my passport, but what didn't I have?
My mate. Cos she was having it off with my brother the whole time!
Just forget about it.
Listen, I don't suppose you fancy going to the fete, do you?
It's not really my thing.
-But what is my thing is taking you bowling.
-Yeah. You could gasp in wonder at my coordination.
Whitney, I've been looking for you.
-Can I have a word?
-Come on, Lee, let's go...
Oh, that is very grown up, isn't it? I'm entitled to a life, you know, Whitney!
Jean, can you pass me that end up, please, darling? Thank you.
You know, it's not as if I like many men...
not in that way.
Stands to reason that when I do find one I like he doesn't like me.
Not just him though, is it? Eddie didn't like you either.
-His loss. Jean, the bunting now, darling.
-Do you know, I'm so fed up of being on my own.
Life has got no... surprises any more.
-Get a dog, then.
I don't want a dog!
-I want what you and Kat have got! I want love!
..what's wrong with me?
Am I that ugly?
You're not ugly! There's nothing wrong with you.
If you ask me, that Norman needs his bumps feeling.
Old man like that, must be at least 20 years older than you.
I like older me, I always have. Brian was seven years older than me.
Older men are more...reliable.
Who wants reliable? Give me a younger fella any day.
-They're always up for it.
-It's a good job you go for the younger blokes.
Seeing as how all the fellas your age are all dead.
-Don't even think about that Norman.
-He had lovely eyes.
Did you notice? You can tell a lot from a man's eyes.
Well, if he prefers tub-of-lard Pat over you, he needs his eyes tested.
Do you think I should do something different to my hair?
-What do you think?
-I think, Jean... I think you should give me the bunting. Thank you.
I'd have made a great Pearly Queen.
-Yeah, you would have.
-A really great one.
-Are you going to mope about like this all day?
-I am not moping! I am...
Oh, it doesn't matter, it's all a joke to you, anyway.
And yes, I did like Eddie, very, very much
but there wasn't the connection.
And there could be with Norman, he just doesn't know it yet!
why can't I have a bit of fun?
Why is it never my day?
Bet she's not took her tablets today.
No, she's right, she would've made a great Pearly Queen.
And she will.
-How do you mean?
-Tell you what I mean.
I know someone in the know.
If she wants to be Pearly Queen for the day,
then a Pearly Queen she will be.
Will you just stop! Stop it!
Come on. How often are we in a room alone?
All right, well, just keep your hands to yourself!
-Hurry up, Pat!
# La-da, da-da
# Da-da-da-da-daaa... #
I knew it. I look ridiculous, don't I?
-No, no, you don't. No, you look really authentic.
-No, I was just laughing...
I was just laughing because, um...
-Well, you know...
-Yeah. I know.
Right. Here we go...
A right couple of swells.
A right couple of fools, more like.
-I'm not doing it.
-Course you are.
-People will laugh!
No, they won't. See what you've done?
You'll have to get somebody else.
-Jean wanted to do it.
I don't want Jean! I want you.
Look, if I can dress up like this, so can you.
It's different for you.
What? Cos I look like an idiot all the time?
No, cos I live here! That's my square out there, my neighbours!
Which is exactly why you should do it.
It's a money raiser for the community centre, right?
So what if a few people laugh at first? They'll soon line up for a photo with you.
Not because you look stupid...
because you're the Queen.
you carry it off better than most.
You seen it out there?
All the flags and smiles?
They're patting themselves on the back for thinking about doing something for the community.
And I bet before it's dark, they'll be at each other's throats.
I'd rather just spend some money on sending it to an African tribe.
get 'em a decent water supply.
-Here you go, fellas. Careful. Lovely, that'll do.
-Right, where's our free beer?
-Yeah, very funny(!)
-Listen, Paddy, thanks for your help. Much appreciated.
-It's all right, it's all right.
I've had that Ian Beale breathing down my neck all morning,
sticking his posters on anything that doesn't move.
That sounds about right. So what time's kick off?
-In half an hour.
-All right. I'll see you boys later.
-Much appreciated. Cheers, lads.
-Is he, uh...
-Of course he's a bit...
Right. Thought so. He kept having a look.
-Please. If anything, he's looking at me.
-You must be joking! The gays love me.
Yeah, only cos you come on to them, don't you? You know, his closet door's always been a bit ajar.
I'm comfortable with my sexuality, boys.
-I attract attention. I'm used to it. Girls, blokes. They're only human.
Some are human, most are dogs, though.
-Oi, lads, lads. Oi oi!
-Here, Pat, you lost a button?
One more crack like that and I'm turning straight round.
Pull all the faces you like, the Pat I used to know
was never backwards in pushing herself forward.
-Well, that was a long time ago.
-She's still in there.
-Now, we're supposed to be meeting our photographer from...
-You could end up on the Billingsgate Fish Market calendar as Miss November.
-What about Miss July?
See! I said the old Pat was still in there.
Right, what is it we're supposed to be doing?
Well, we open the thing and then we pose for pics.
We must make sure we charge a quid a photo. It all adds up.
Ooh, there's the photographer! Come on, Pat. From the Gazette?
How good is that?
You must be so proud.
Hi, Rebecca. What are you doing here?
Thought I'd come cheer you on.
I raided the piggy bank. It's all for a good cause, isn't it?
-And besides, I wanted to see you.
I was going to give you a call later on, honestly...
-There's something I need to talk to you about. Let's go and get a coffee.
-Norman Simmonds, two M's.
-Why's she dressed like that?
-You Pearly Queen, eh?
-It fits perfectly.
-You look a picture, you do, sweetheart.
-Thank you for doing this for me.
-No, sweetheart. You have fun today. You look great.
He has his moments! Look at Pat's face! All right, Pat?
-Oh, no, don't cos a stir, I don't want a fuss.
-Well, I do.
-Let's see who has the most buttons.
-I'm fine here.
You've got to show Norman what he's missing out on. Come on.
-Did you know about this?
-No. I've no idea why she's dressed like that.
-Oh, I have -
she's out to make trouble, like her daughter.
They crack on they're a salt shaker short of a cruet set
but they're all there when they want to be.
What are you playing at, Jean?
-I'm not playing at anything.
-She can get dressed up if she wants.
There's no law against it.
Actually, the Pearly Society are very strict when it comes to their outfits.
Leave off, it's a suit with a few buttons on it...
Looks lovely, though, don't she?
-Why are you doing this, Kat?
-Letting Jean make a fool of herself.
No, I'm not!
Oh, yes, you are! See, Norman chose me...not Jean.
You think he'll look at her dressed like some sort
of second-rate Music Hall act and change his mind?
You're setting her up to be humiliated.
Mind you, that's probably something she's used to.
Cos she's on medication.
-You evil old cow!
-I know what you are.
You are a bully. A really nasty bully!
Really? Well, let me tell you, madam, you are an...
Forget it. I don't need this.
I never wanted to dress like this anyway. I'm going home.
No, no, Pat, no. Please.
It's all right. It's fine.
THERE'S your Pearly Queen
and look at her,
she's like a greyhound in a trap.
Can't wait to chase the rabbit.
You stick with Jean, you make a lovely couple.
There you go, now everyone's happy.
You said you wanted to talk about something?
Would you like a biscuit?
No. I'm fine, thanks.
Well, the thing is, Rebecca...
-..I really like you.
Well, I like you, too.
Anyway, the thing is...
-Yeah. I haven't...
I haven't been completely honest with you.
Well, you've kind of made this assumption and I haven't corrected you...
That I'm a widower.
I am divorced. Well, nearly divorced. It is pretty much the same thing, isn't it?
Your wife's still alive?!
Yeah. You sure you don't want one of these biscuits?
Look, Rebecca, I didn't know how things were going to turn out
between us, and when you presumed Jane was dead,
-I just kind of went along with it.
-You lied to me.
No, no. Technically, right, I just didn't correct you.
-Which isn't lying, is it?
You just sound like my ex-husband.
-Yeah, but hang on, you all just assumed I was a widower.
Yeah, you and the other mums.
You've been seeing the other mums!
No. Not all of them! Just some of them.
It's not really seeing either, it was just coffee and things.
-Cheryl and Fiona meant absolutely nothing to me.
-Forget it, Ian.
I like you.
Just forget it!
I'm avoiding the enforced fun day.
you shouldn't have got involved yesterday.
Yes, I should. But I don't want to talk about it.
Just promise me you'll never deal again.
I can't promise you that.
This is who I am, Lauren, you know?
Sometimes I got to do stuff just to get by.
But you shouldn't be involved in this.
And you shouldn't be involved with me.
I don't need protecting, Ryan.
Right, well I think you do need protecting. From me.
I'm a mess, Lauren.
Everything I touch falls apart.
I bring people down with me. You nearly got arrested because of me!
-Yes, and I didn't. So it's all right.
It's not all right...
..and I'm not going to see you again.
No, she's at the fete, Dot.
Oh. Oh, well, I'll leave it here, then.
Thank her very much for me. Oh, hello, Pat.
Jim... Jim, he liked it very much.
-You all right?
-I got a headache.
It's like knives in my brain.
Oh, right, well, come and sit down...
I'll tell you who's a real headache - Kat Moon.
-I don't want to be getting in your way.
-No, you're fine.
You don't look great. She looks a bit pale, doesn't she, Pat?
Actually, Dot, you don't look too good.
-Well, you know me, I ain't one to complain.
-How long have you had them?
Oh, the past few weeks. I mean, they used to come and go. This one, it's with me all the time.
-Well, what's your doctor said?
-Oh, well, I haven't been.
You know, I didn't want to bother him.
Why ever not? If they're as bad as what you say they are.
Well...you know, you mean to go and...
You're scared to find out what it might be?
Well, like I said, I've had them before,
my migraines, but I've never had nothing like this.
Right, Carol, get the phone.
We're making you an appointment.
Mr Waverly's ready for you now.
So remember to dig deep, it's all for a good cause
and it gives me great pleasure to declare this fete and fortune day, well and truly open!
I was expecting to see you glued to Carol's side.
Oh, no, she's just nipped home for something.
Probably left the oven on.
She's very homely, isn't she?
I don't think she's homely.
It must be so difficult for her, like, juggling all those kids.
Not surprising she doesn't have much time to make the best of herself.
Oh, look, a test-your-strength machine.
-Go on, have a go.
-I haven't had a go on one of these for years.
Go on, you show them how it's done. I bet you can hit that bell.
-Go on, then.
-You think you've got it in you?
-Not bad at all!
-You sure that's set up right? That should've hit the bell.
-Looked very impressive from where I was standing.
-Is that right?
Right, well... I'll see you around...Hercules.
I think you've found yourself a fan there, brother.
-Sorry about that. Have I missed anything?
What if it's not want I want? You're making excuses.
All right, you're too young for me, then!
Actually, I think I act a lot older than you.
You're the one coming out with the childish rubbish.
This is about Whitney, innit?
Course it is.
Well, she's been through enough upset enough recently, hasn't she?
So it's OK to upset me?
Right, look me in the eye and tell me that you want us to finish.
Right, idiot. OK, well tell her that you finished with me,
that I was heartbroken and we'll just carry on in secret.
I'm not letting you go.
You're right, you are a mess.
You're a lost cause.
But lost causes turn me on.
I'm only glad that Jim ain't at home. Cos he picks up when things ain't right
and he'd know I was worried and then he'd get worked up.
I'll have to be careful,
on my guard when I go to visit him though.
Well, on with the motley, as they say.
I'm taking up all of your day.
Oh, don't worry, I've got nothing better to do.
I'm supposed to be standing out there doing my Tessie O'Shea,
but then Demented Deirdre from the pub needed an outing from day care.
I should never have let Norman talk me into it.
-He seems a nice man.
-Yeah. Yeah, he is.
I mean, I know it ain't none of my business, but are you and him...
Oh, no. No, Dot, nothing like that.
We're just good friends.
Like you and Mr Bishop.
Where is he? I haven't seen him around lately.
Oh, he's been very busy.
You know, this pain in my head it's like knives inside my skull.
I don't seem to get no respite from it.
I mean, I hardly got any sleep last night.
It seemed worse then. Well, then it always does, doesn't it? You know, when it's dark and you're alone.
"Thou shalt not be afraid of the terror by night."
Psalm 91 verse 5.
But I am afraid.
Right, you're not waiting till Monday.
-I'm getting you to the hospital.
-Oh, no, it'll wait.
I'm just a bit down at the moment, that's all.
-You need to be seen, don't you?
-No, I can wait!
What if it's a stroke?
I couldn't bear that!
I tell you what, you and me are going to have a little tot of brandy.
Now, I'm no doctor but I know it numbs the pain.
Believe me, I've been self-medicating for years!
Did you bring someone with you?
No, I didn't. I didn't want... I didn't want to worry.
You've had a bit of a shock. You shouldn't really be on your own.
Me and my husband are separated and, um, my best mate moved away.
There must be someone.
There's my daughters.
-But, I can't...
-Look, maybe you should stay here for a while.
-I could get someone to sit with you.
-No. I'll be fine. Sorry.
Sorry. It's just the shock, isn't it?
It's just the shock. Although it isn't.
I mean, I knew when you sent the letter, I knew it was bad news,
but, um... well, you just do, don't you? So...
I'm going to be fine. I can do this. I can do this.
-Come on, Alfie! Put your back into it!
-What do you think I'm doing?
-Yes! In your face, Alfie!
-That's because you started before Patrick said!
-Sore loser! Loser! Loser!
-Listen to him.
-He wins one thing and thinks he's Rocky Balboa.
-All mouth, is he?
-And the rest.
You want to get down the gym more. Only exercise he gets is drinking pints.
-Some of us weren't born weeds.
-You were born a loser.
Oi, oi, oi. That's my cue. Now listen, this is a community day.
Go knock some coconuts down or hit on some girls.
Save the fighting till we get back home.
Number of times I've had to get in between Robbie and Sonia when they were kids.
Bet you were the same with your brothers and sisters.
-Sibling rivalry, eh?
-Have I told you how beautiful you look today?
-Are you drunk?
I'm intoxicated with your beauty.
Now I know you're talking rubbish.
-You've got to learn to take compliments.
-I don't HAVE to do anything...
but compliments are nice. Thank you.
I've never seen anything like it! Your ball bounced three aisles.
-What can I say? It slipped out of my hand.
-You're a liability, you.
-No. It's just that, um...
It doesn't matter.
I like you a lot.
-there's things you don't know about me.
I mean, if you did know, then...
you probably wouldn't like me.
You don't support Spurs, do you? Cos if you do, I'm out that door.
I'm being serious.
Don't worry about it. You'll tell me when the time's right.
It's like I say, I like you.
-OK, shall I get us some more drinks?
You know, it's a shame there isn't the egg-and-spoon race.
I used to be really, really good at that.
I mean, most people think the trick is in choosing the right egg, but it's not.
-It's about having a firm wrist.
-That outfit really suits you.
-You think so?
-It gives you an air of dignity.
Jean, Jean, come and join me.
-Sold out of samosas?
-Yes, all gone.
And, for your information, I've signed up for the three-legged race, because I am a fun person.
Mum, I never said you weren't.
Right, ladies and gentlemen. Can I have a bit of quiet, please?
It's time for the three-legged race.
Now, we'll be selecting from the bucket who partners who.
Now, in one bucket are the men, and in the other one, the women.
Now, the first name out of the bucket is...
And Christian will partner...
Oi, oi, oi. ..Zainab.
And the next name is Tyler.
-And his partner is Kat...
-I've got a headache.
-No, you don't.
-You expect me to tie my leg to his? You think that's my idea of fun?
Well, it's not like he's got anything catching.
I thought we were making progress.
Yeah, well, I'm not ready for that kind of progress.
You're together, you're getting married, adopting a child, living next door to me!
There's only so much I can take, Syed. Maybe you're right. Maybe I am incapable of having fun.
-Want a top-up?
-No, thanks, just the one for me.
two's friendly and three is a party.
Well, at least I can say I did it.
For all of five minutes, I was a Pearly Queen.
Not that it was ever an ambition of mine.
I was Miss Butlins, Clacton 1958. I bet you didn't know that.
I had heard a rumour.
I went for a holiday once in Clacton. It was just after the War.
I'd come back from being evacuated.
My sister Rose - my half sister - she ran off. I got the blame for it.
I had my photograph taken, sitting on a donkey wearing a sash.
-I'm going to die.
-Oh, give over, Dot.
-No, I feel it.
It'll be something to do with needing glasses or something like that.
You'll outlive the lot of us.
There are things that I wish I'd done...that I'll never do now.
What, like jumping off a bridge with a bit of elastic tied round your ankle?
No. Like ice cream. Strawberry ice cream for breakfast.
Here, why don't you make a list? Might take your mind off your head.
No, I don't need to make a list cos I done my shopping this morning.
No, no, no.
A list of things that you would like to do. Start with the ice cream.
Now, what else is there?
Well, I'd like to make me peace with someone.
I've been regretting that lately.
That sounds a bit deep. But, go on, stick it down.
Now listen to me, Dot. You are not going to die - stop saying that. It's nonsense.
I'll tell you what is nonsense - you fooling yourself
that you're not bothered by sitting here with me while he's out there with that Jean.
-What do you mean?
-You know what I mean.
I mean, you're entitled to a little bit of fun now, Pat,
cos you ain't married, are you?
You must admit there's been a little bit of a spring in your step lately.
Want some company?
-Come on, Whitney.
-I mean it, Lauren, I'm not interested.
-Course you're not. You're not interested in anything that's not all about you.
It's always all about you!
-Everyone rushing round, worried about you, trying to save you from that Rob.
-You slept with my brother!
Yes, I know, Whitney, and I wanted to tell you, but I knew you'd do this -
-make it all about you, when it's nothing to do with you!
She says she's up for meeting.
What shall I text back?
I'll take over from here.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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Vanessa spirals out of control after the affair is revealed, while Tanya's disappearance throws Abi and Lauren into a panic. Michael makes a momentous discovery when he sneaks his way into Eddie's house, and Ian vows to mend his way after his lies about Jane are revealed.
A police raid at the Vic has terrible consequences, while Whitney is left distraught. Pat and Jean battle to be crowned Norman's Pearly Queen at the Fete and Fortune Day, while Dot fears the worst as she continues to suffer from crippling headaches.