19/08/2011 EastEnders


19/08/2011

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Transcript


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No, it's got a crease in it,

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you're going to have to pull it tighter.

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All right.

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Couldn't you have made "Beale's Plaice" bigger?

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I tried, but it made it look off balance.

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I've got some sponsorship posters printed up as well.

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Where shall I stick them?

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I'll leave that up to you, Ian.

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True. It's my event after all.

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Ma, Ma, come here.

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Oh, thank you.

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We have to help each other. Isn't that what today's about?

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Yes.

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I've been meaning to come over...

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to talk about wedding plans.

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We're not having this conversation, Syed. Not now, not ever.

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Is that why you're helping me, or is it actually for the fete?

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-It's because of the fete.

-Good.

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-I hope I've made enough samosas.

-You won't be stuck on the stall all day?

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-You are going to have a bit of fun yourself.

-Life isn't all about fun, all right, Syed?

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-I'm helping the community.

-They want to see you let your hair down.

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I often let my hair down. I am a fun-filled person.

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Everyone knows that.

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She's a selfish cow.

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-I thought she was your best mate.

-No, not after yesterday.

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Listen to this - I had my holiday booked, OK?

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I had my sunglasses, my passport, but what didn't I have?

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My mate. Cos she was having it off with my brother the whole time!

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Just forget about it.

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Yeah.

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Listen, I don't suppose you fancy going to the fete, do you?

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It's not really my thing.

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-Oh.

-But what is my thing is taking you bowling.

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-Bowling?

-Yeah. You could gasp in wonder at my coordination.

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-All right.

-That's better.

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Whitney, I've been looking for you.

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-Can I have a word?

-Come on, Lee, let's go...

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Oh, that is very grown up, isn't it? I'm entitled to a life, you know, Whitney!

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Jean, can you pass me that end up, please, darling? Thank you.

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You know, it's not as if I like many men...

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not in that way.

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Stands to reason that when I do find one I like he doesn't like me.

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Not just him though, is it? Eddie didn't like you either.

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-His loss. Jean, the bunting now, darling.

-Do you know, I'm so fed up of being on my own.

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Life has got no... surprises any more.

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-Get a dog, then.

-A dog?!

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I don't want a dog!

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-I want what you and Kat have got! I want love!

-Jean...

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I mean...

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..what's wrong with me?

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Am I that ugly?

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You're not ugly! There's nothing wrong with you.

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If you ask me, that Norman needs his bumps feeling.

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Old man like that, must be at least 20 years older than you.

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I like older me, I always have. Brian was seven years older than me.

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Older men are more...reliable.

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Who wants reliable? Give me a younger fella any day.

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-They're always up for it.

-It's a good job you go for the younger blokes.

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Seeing as how all the fellas your age are all dead.

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-Don't even think about that Norman.

-He had lovely eyes.

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Did you notice? You can tell a lot from a man's eyes.

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Well, if he prefers tub-of-lard Pat over you, he needs his eyes tested.

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Do you think I should do something different to my hair?

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-What do you think?

-I think, Jean... I think you should give me the bunting. Thank you.

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I'd have made a great Pearly Queen.

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-Yeah, you would have.

-A really great one.

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-Are you going to mope about like this all day?

-I am not moping! I am...

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Oh, it doesn't matter, it's all a joke to you, anyway.

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And yes, I did like Eddie, very, very much

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but there wasn't the connection.

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And there could be with Norman, he just doesn't know it yet!

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And...

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why can't I have a bit of fun?

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Why is it never my day?

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Bet she's not took her tablets today.

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No, she's right, she would've made a great Pearly Queen.

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And she will.

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-How do you mean?

-Tell you what I mean.

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I know someone in the know.

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If she wants to be Pearly Queen for the day,

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then a Pearly Queen she will be.

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Will you just stop! Stop it!

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Come on. How often are we in a room alone?

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All right, well, just keep your hands to yourself!

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-Rarr!

-Hurry up, Pat!

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Oh.

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# La-da, da-da

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# Da-da-da-da-daaa... #

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HE CHUCKLES

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I knew it. I look ridiculous, don't I?

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-No, no, you don't. No, you look really authentic.

-No, I was just laughing...

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I was just laughing because, um...

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-Well, you know...

-Yeah. I know.

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Right. Here we go...

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A right couple of swells.

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A right couple of fools, more like.

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-I'm not doing it.

-Course you are.

-People will laugh!

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No, they won't. See what you've done?

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You'll have to get somebody else.

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-Jean wanted to do it.

-No, no.

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I don't want Jean! I want you.

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Look, if I can dress up like this, so can you.

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It's different for you.

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What? Cos I look like an idiot all the time?

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No, cos I live here! That's my square out there, my neighbours!

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Which is exactly why you should do it.

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It's a money raiser for the community centre, right?

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So what if a few people laugh at first? They'll soon line up for a photo with you.

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Not because you look stupid...

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because you're the Queen.

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Besides...

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you carry it off better than most.

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Really?

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Really.

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You seen it out there?

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All the flags and smiles?

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They're patting themselves on the back for thinking about doing something for the community.

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And I bet before it's dark, they'll be at each other's throats.

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I'd rather just spend some money on sending it to an African tribe.

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get 'em a decent water supply.

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-Here you go, fellas. Careful. Lovely, that'll do.

-All right.

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-Right, where's our free beer?

-Yeah, very funny(!)

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-Listen, Paddy, thanks for your help. Much appreciated.

-It's all right, it's all right.

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I've had that Ian Beale breathing down my neck all morning,

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sticking his posters on anything that doesn't move.

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That sounds about right. So what time's kick off?

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-In half an hour.

-All right. I'll see you boys later.

-Much appreciated. Cheers, lads.

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-Is he, uh...

-What?

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-You know?

-HE WHISTLES

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-What's...?

-HE WHISTLES

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-Of course he's a bit...

-HE WHISTLES

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Right. Thought so. He kept having a look.

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-Please. If anything, he's looking at me.

-You must be joking! The gays love me.

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Yeah, only cos you come on to them, don't you? You know, his closet door's always been a bit ajar.

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I'm comfortable with my sexuality, boys.

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-Oh, really?

-I attract attention. I'm used to it. Girls, blokes. They're only human.

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Some are human, most are dogs, though.

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-Oi, lads, lads. Oi oi!

-Here, Pat, you lost a button?

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One more crack like that and I'm turning straight round.

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Pull all the faces you like, the Pat I used to know

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was never backwards in pushing herself forward.

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-Well, that was a long time ago.

-She's still in there.

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-Now, we're supposed to be meeting our photographer from...

-Oh, no!

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-You could end up on the Billingsgate Fish Market calendar as Miss November.

-November?

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-Yes.

-What about Miss July?

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See! I said the old Pat was still in there.

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Right, what is it we're supposed to be doing?

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Well, we open the thing and then we pose for pics.

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We must make sure we charge a quid a photo. It all adds up.

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Ooh, there's the photographer! Come on, Pat. From the Gazette?

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How good is that?

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You must be so proud.

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Hi, Rebecca. What are you doing here?

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Thought I'd come cheer you on.

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I raided the piggy bank. It's all for a good cause, isn't it?

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-Yeah, yeah.

-And besides, I wanted to see you.

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I was going to give you a call later on, honestly...

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-There's something I need to talk to you about. Let's go and get a coffee.

-Sure.

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-Norman Simmonds, two M's.

-Why's she dressed like that?

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-You Pearly Queen, eh?

-It fits perfectly.

-You look a picture, you do, sweetheart.

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-Thank you for doing this for me.

-No, sweetheart. You have fun today. You look great.

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He has his moments! Look at Pat's face! All right, Pat?

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-Oh, no, don't cos a stir, I don't want a fuss.

-Well, I do.

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-Let's see who has the most buttons.

-I'm fine here.

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You've got to show Norman what he's missing out on. Come on.

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-Did you know about this?

-No. I've no idea why she's dressed like that.

-Oh, I have -

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she's out to make trouble, like her daughter.

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They crack on they're a salt shaker short of a cruet set

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but they're all there when they want to be.

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What are you playing at, Jean?

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-I'm not playing at anything.

-She can get dressed up if she wants.

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There's no law against it.

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Actually, the Pearly Society are very strict when it comes to their outfits.

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Leave off, it's a suit with a few buttons on it...

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Looks lovely, though, don't she?

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-Well, yes.

-Why are you doing this, Kat?

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-What?

-Letting Jean make a fool of herself.

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No, I'm not!

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Oh, yes, you are! See, Norman chose me...not Jean.

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You think he'll look at her dressed like some sort

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of second-rate Music Hall act and change his mind?

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You're setting her up to be humiliated.

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Mind you, that's probably something she's used to.

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Cos she's on medication.

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-You evil old cow!

-I know what you are.

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You are a bully. A really nasty bully!

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Really? Well, let me tell you, madam, you are an...

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Forget it. I don't need this.

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I never wanted to dress like this anyway. I'm going home.

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No, no, Pat, no. Please.

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It's all right. It's fine.

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THERE'S your Pearly Queen

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and look at her,

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she's like a greyhound in a trap.

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Can't wait to chase the rabbit.

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You stick with Jean, you make a lovely couple.

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There you go, now everyone's happy.

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-Sugar?

-No, thanks.

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You said you wanted to talk about something?

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Yeah.

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Would you like a biscuit?

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No. I'm fine, thanks.

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Right.

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Well, the thing is, Rebecca...

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-..I really like you.

-Oh.

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Well, I like you, too.

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Good. Good.

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Anyway, the thing is...

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-Another thing?

-Yeah. I haven't...

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I haven't been completely honest with you.

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-Go on.

-Um...

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Well, you've kind of made this assumption and I haven't corrected you...

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-What assumption?

-That, um...

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That I'm a widower.

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I am divorced. Well, nearly divorced. It is pretty much the same thing, isn't it?

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Your wife's still alive?!

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Yeah. You sure you don't want one of these biscuits?

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Look, Rebecca, I didn't know how things were going to turn out

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between us, and when you presumed Jane was dead,

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-I just kind of went along with it.

-You lied to me.

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No, no. Technically, right, I just didn't correct you.

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-Which isn't lying, is it?

-Excuses!

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You just sound like my ex-husband.

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-Yeah, but hang on, you all just assumed I was a widower.

-"All"?

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Yeah, you and the other mums.

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You've been seeing the other mums!

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No. Not all of them! Just some of them.

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It's not really seeing either, it was just coffee and things.

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-Cheryl and Fiona meant absolutely nothing to me.

-Forget it, Ian.

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I like you.

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Just forget it!

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Rebecca...

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Everyone's out.

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I'm avoiding the enforced fun day.

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Um...

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Lauren, look...

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you shouldn't have got involved yesterday.

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Yes, I should. But I don't want to talk about it.

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Just promise me you'll never deal again.

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I can't promise you that.

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This is who I am, Lauren, you know?

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Sometimes I got to do stuff just to get by.

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But you shouldn't be involved in this.

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And you shouldn't be involved with me.

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I don't need protecting, Ryan.

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Right, well I think you do need protecting. From me.

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I'm a mess, Lauren.

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Everything I touch falls apart.

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I bring people down with me. You nearly got arrested because of me!

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-Yes, and I didn't. So it's all right.

-No.

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It's not all right...

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..and I'm not going to see you again.

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Tiffany here?

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No, she's at the fete, Dot.

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Oh. Oh, well, I'll leave it here, then.

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Thank her very much for me. Oh, hello, Pat.

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Jim... Jim, he liked it very much.

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-You all right?

-I got a headache.

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It's like knives in my brain.

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Oh, right, well, come and sit down...

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I'll tell you who's a real headache - Kat Moon.

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-I don't want to be getting in your way.

-No, you're fine.

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You don't look great. She looks a bit pale, doesn't she, Pat?

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Actually, Dot, you don't look too good.

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-Well, you know me, I ain't one to complain.

-How long have you had them?

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Oh, the past few weeks. I mean, they used to come and go. This one, it's with me all the time.

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-Well, what's your doctor said?

-Oh, well, I haven't been.

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You know, I didn't want to bother him.

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Why ever not? If they're as bad as what you say they are.

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Well...you know, you mean to go and...

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You're scared to find out what it might be?

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Well, like I said, I've had them before,

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my migraines, but I've never had nothing like this.

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Right, Carol, get the phone.

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We're making you an appointment.

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Tanya Jessop?

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Tanya Jessop?

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Mr Waverly's ready for you now.

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So remember to dig deep, it's all for a good cause

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and it gives me great pleasure to declare this fete and fortune day, well and truly open!

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CHEERING

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I was expecting to see you glued to Carol's side.

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Oh, no, she's just nipped home for something.

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Probably left the oven on.

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She's very homely, isn't she?

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I don't think she's homely.

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It must be so difficult for her, like, juggling all those kids.

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Not surprising she doesn't have much time to make the best of herself.

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Oh, look, a test-your-strength machine.

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-Go on, have a go.

-I haven't had a go on one of these for years.

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Go on, you show them how it's done. I bet you can hit that bell.

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-Go on, then.

-You think you've got it in you?

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-Stand back.

-All right.

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-Not bad at all!

-You sure that's set up right? That should've hit the bell.

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-Looked very impressive from where I was standing.

-Is that right?

-Very.

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Right, well... I'll see you around...Hercules.

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I think you've found yourself a fan there, brother.

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-Sorry about that. Have I missed anything?

-Nothing.

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Oh, look.

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What if it's not want I want? You're making excuses.

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All right, you're too young for me, then!

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Actually, I think I act a lot older than you.

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You're the one coming out with the childish rubbish.

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This is about Whitney, innit?

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Course it is.

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Well, she's been through enough upset enough recently, hasn't she?

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So it's OK to upset me?

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Right, look me in the eye and tell me that you want us to finish.

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Right, idiot. OK, well tell her that you finished with me,

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that I was heartbroken and we'll just carry on in secret.

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What?

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I'm not letting you go.

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You're right, you are a mess.

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You're a lost cause.

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But lost causes turn me on.

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Wow.

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I'm only glad that Jim ain't at home. Cos he picks up when things ain't right

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and he'd know I was worried and then he'd get worked up.

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I'll have to be careful,

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on my guard when I go to visit him though.

0:17:070:17:11

Well, on with the motley, as they say.

0:17:110:17:14

I'm taking up all of your day.

0:17:140:17:17

Oh, don't worry, I've got nothing better to do.

0:17:170:17:20

I'm supposed to be standing out there doing my Tessie O'Shea,

0:17:200:17:24

but then Demented Deirdre from the pub needed an outing from day care.

0:17:240:17:28

I should never have let Norman talk me into it.

0:17:280:17:31

-He seems a nice man.

-Yeah. Yeah, he is.

0:17:310:17:34

I mean, I know it ain't none of my business, but are you and him...

0:17:340:17:39

Oh, no. No, Dot, nothing like that.

0:17:390:17:42

We're just good friends.

0:17:420:17:44

Like you and Mr Bishop.

0:17:440:17:46

Where is he? I haven't seen him around lately.

0:17:460:17:49

Oh, he's been very busy.

0:17:490:17:51

You know, this pain in my head it's like knives inside my skull.

0:17:510:17:55

I don't seem to get no respite from it.

0:17:550:17:57

I mean, I hardly got any sleep last night.

0:17:570:18:00

It seemed worse then. Well, then it always does, doesn't it? You know, when it's dark and you're alone.

0:18:000:18:07

"Thou shalt not be afraid of the terror by night."

0:18:070:18:12

Psalm 91 verse 5.

0:18:120:18:15

But I am afraid.

0:18:150:18:18

Right, you're not waiting till Monday.

0:18:180:18:20

-I'm getting you to the hospital.

-Oh, no, it'll wait.

0:18:200:18:23

I'm just a bit down at the moment, that's all.

0:18:230:18:26

-You need to be seen, don't you?

-No, I can wait!

0:18:260:18:30

What if it's a stroke?

0:18:300:18:32

I couldn't bear that!

0:18:320:18:34

I tell you what, you and me are going to have a little tot of brandy.

0:18:360:18:40

Now, I'm no doctor but I know it numbs the pain.

0:18:400:18:43

Believe me, I've been self-medicating for years!

0:18:430:18:46

Did you bring someone with you?

0:18:510:18:53

No, I didn't. I didn't want... I didn't want to worry.

0:18:540:18:57

You've had a bit of a shock. You shouldn't really be on your own.

0:18:570:19:02

Me and my husband are separated and, um, my best mate moved away.

0:19:040:19:10

There must be someone.

0:19:100:19:12

There's my daughters.

0:19:140:19:17

-But, I can't...

-Look, maybe you should stay here for a while.

0:19:170:19:21

-I could get someone to sit with you.

-No. I'll be fine. Sorry.

0:19:210:19:26

Sorry. It's just the shock, isn't it?

0:19:260:19:30

It's just the shock. Although it isn't.

0:19:300:19:32

I mean, I knew when you sent the letter, I knew it was bad news,

0:19:320:19:35

but, um... well, you just do, don't you? So...

0:19:350:19:39

I'm going to be fine. I can do this. I can do this.

0:19:410:19:46

-Come on, Alfie! Put your back into it!

-What do you think I'm doing?

0:19:540:19:58

-Yes! In your face, Alfie!

-That's because you started before Patrick said!

0:20:050:20:09

-Sore loser! Loser! Loser!

-Listen to him.

0:20:090:20:11

-He wins one thing and thinks he's Rocky Balboa.

-All mouth, is he?

-And the rest.

0:20:110:20:15

You want to get down the gym more. Only exercise he gets is drinking pints.

0:20:150:20:18

-Some of us weren't born weeds.

-You were born a loser.

0:20:180:20:21

Oi, oi, oi. That's my cue. Now listen, this is a community day.

0:20:210:20:25

Go knock some coconuts down or hit on some girls.

0:20:250:20:28

Save the fighting till we get back home.

0:20:280:20:30

Number of times I've had to get in between Robbie and Sonia when they were kids.

0:20:330:20:38

Bet you were the same with your brothers and sisters.

0:20:380:20:40

-Yeah.

-Sibling rivalry, eh?

0:20:400:20:42

-Have I told you how beautiful you look today?

-Are you drunk?

0:20:450:20:48

I'm intoxicated with your beauty.

0:20:480:20:51

Now I know you're talking rubbish.

0:20:510:20:53

-You've got to learn to take compliments.

-I don't HAVE to do anything...

0:20:530:20:57

but compliments are nice. Thank you.

0:20:570:21:00

I've never seen anything like it! Your ball bounced three aisles.

0:21:090:21:12

-Three!

-What can I say? It slipped out of my hand.

0:21:120:21:15

-You're a liability, you.

-Yeah.

0:21:150:21:17

-Sorry.

-No. It's just that, um...

0:21:210:21:25

What?

0:21:250:21:26

It doesn't matter.

0:21:290:21:30

I like you a lot.

0:21:410:21:43

Yeah, well...

0:21:440:21:47

-there's things you don't know about me.

-Ditto.

0:21:470:21:51

I mean, if you did know, then...

0:21:510:21:54

you probably wouldn't like me.

0:21:540:21:58

You don't support Spurs, do you? Cos if you do, I'm out that door.

0:21:580:22:01

I'm being serious.

0:22:010:22:04

Don't worry about it. You'll tell me when the time's right.

0:22:040:22:07

It's like I say, I like you.

0:22:070:22:10

-OK, shall I get us some more drinks?

-Yeah, definitely.

0:22:130:22:16

You know, it's a shame there isn't the egg-and-spoon race.

0:22:330:22:36

I used to be really, really good at that.

0:22:360:22:39

Oh, yeah?

0:22:390:22:41

I mean, most people think the trick is in choosing the right egg, but it's not.

0:22:410:22:46

-It's about having a firm wrist.

-Oh.

0:22:460:22:48

-That outfit really suits you.

-You think so?

0:22:500:22:53

-It gives you an air of dignity.

-Thanks.

0:22:530:22:56

Jean, Jean, come and join me.

0:22:560:22:58

-Sold out of samosas?

-Yes, all gone.

0:23:040:23:06

And, for your information, I've signed up for the three-legged race, because I am a fun person.

0:23:060:23:11

Mum, I never said you weren't.

0:23:110:23:13

Right, ladies and gentlemen. Can I have a bit of quiet, please?

0:23:130:23:16

It's time for the three-legged race.

0:23:160:23:19

Now, we'll be selecting from the bucket who partners who.

0:23:210:23:24

Now, in one bucket are the men, and in the other one, the women.

0:23:240:23:28

Now, the first name out of the bucket is...

0:23:280:23:31

..Christian.

0:23:340:23:36

And Christian will partner...

0:23:380:23:40

Oi, oi, oi. ..Zainab.

0:23:420:23:45

And the next name is Tyler.

0:23:460:23:50

-And his partner is Kat...

-Mum.

-I've got a headache.

0:23:510:23:54

-No, you don't.

-You expect me to tie my leg to his? You think that's my idea of fun?

0:23:540:23:58

Well, it's not like he's got anything catching.

0:23:580:24:01

Sorry.

0:24:010:24:02

I thought we were making progress.

0:24:040:24:06

Yeah, well, I'm not ready for that kind of progress.

0:24:060:24:09

You're together, you're getting married, adopting a child, living next door to me!

0:24:090:24:15

There's only so much I can take, Syed. Maybe you're right. Maybe I am incapable of having fun.

0:24:150:24:20

-Want a top-up?

-No, thanks, just the one for me.

0:24:310:24:35

One's lonely,

0:24:350:24:37

two's friendly and three is a party.

0:24:370:24:42

Well, at least I can say I did it.

0:24:420:24:44

For all of five minutes, I was a Pearly Queen.

0:24:440:24:47

Not that it was ever an ambition of mine.

0:24:470:24:51

I was Miss Butlins, Clacton 1958. I bet you didn't know that.

0:24:510:24:55

I had heard a rumour.

0:24:550:24:58

I went for a holiday once in Clacton. It was just after the War.

0:24:580:25:02

I'd come back from being evacuated.

0:25:020:25:05

My sister Rose - my half sister - she ran off. I got the blame for it.

0:25:050:25:10

I had my photograph taken, sitting on a donkey wearing a sash.

0:25:100:25:16

-I'm going to die.

-Oh, give over, Dot.

-No, I feel it.

0:25:160:25:20

It'll be something to do with needing glasses or something like that.

0:25:200:25:24

You'll outlive the lot of us.

0:25:240:25:26

There are things that I wish I'd done...that I'll never do now.

0:25:270:25:32

What, like jumping off a bridge with a bit of elastic tied round your ankle?

0:25:320:25:36

No. Like ice cream. Strawberry ice cream for breakfast.

0:25:360:25:41

Really?

0:25:410:25:44

Here.

0:25:440:25:45

Here, why don't you make a list? Might take your mind off your head.

0:25:450:25:50

No, I don't need to make a list cos I done my shopping this morning.

0:25:500:25:53

No, no, no.

0:25:530:25:54

A list of things that you would like to do. Start with the ice cream.

0:25:540:25:58

Now, what else is there?

0:25:580:26:00

Well, I'd like to make me peace with someone.

0:26:000:26:05

I've been regretting that lately.

0:26:050:26:08

That sounds a bit deep. But, go on, stick it down.

0:26:080:26:11

Now listen to me, Dot. You are not going to die - stop saying that. It's nonsense.

0:26:110:26:17

I'll tell you what is nonsense - you fooling yourself

0:26:170:26:22

that you're not bothered by sitting here with me while he's out there with that Jean.

0:26:220:26:26

-What do you mean?

-You know what I mean.

0:26:260:26:30

I mean, you're entitled to a little bit of fun now, Pat,

0:26:300:26:33

cos you ain't married, are you?

0:26:330:26:35

You must admit there's been a little bit of a spring in your step lately.

0:26:350:26:39

Want some company?

0:27:470:27:48

Get lost.

0:27:480:27:50

Oh, nice.

0:27:500:27:52

-Come on, Whitney.

-I mean it, Lauren, I'm not interested.

0:27:520:27:55

-Course you're not. You're not interested in anything that's not all about you.

-What?

0:27:550:27:59

It's always all about you!

0:27:590:28:00

-Everyone rushing round, worried about you, trying to save you from that Rob.

-You slept with my brother!

0:28:000:28:05

Yes, I know, Whitney, and I wanted to tell you, but I knew you'd do this -

0:28:050:28:09

-make it all about you, when it's nothing to do with you!

-Right, then.

0:28:090:28:15

She says she's up for meeting.

0:28:360:28:38

Well done.

0:28:400:28:42

What shall I text back?

0:28:430:28:45

I'll take over from here.

0:28:460:28:48

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