09/09/2011 EastEnders

LOUD MUSIC BLARES

Hello? Oi!

What is...? Oi!

You on the move?

Well, if I am, this is the first I've heard of it.

Shift this lot will you.

This gaff couldn't half do with a clean.

-I'm not your slave.

-No, you're a freeloading waste of space.

Just cos you're in a bad mood, don't take it out on her.

-If you give me earache, I'll take it out on you instead.

-Come on then, I'd like to see you try.

Well, there's no place like home.

Ben!

You'll wear a hole in that if you're not careful.

Join me.

You look like you've got the worries of the world on your shoulders.

Just another day in paradise.

Carol and me had a bit of an argument.

Well, that's relationships for you, innit?

Well, mine anyway.

We always think we're going to learn from our mistakes, but we never do.

Before you know it, you're knocking on 40

and living out of a suitcase in a B&B.

I'm sorry I was a bit harsh on you yesterday.

Forget about it. I have.

-Any news on the watch?

-Not yet. Excuse me.

-All right?

-That looked cosy.

-Just business.

-Yeah, lining up your next victim?

Look, when you want to talk to me properly, you know where I am.

And how did you sleep?

Oh, very well, thank you. The pills really helped.

So your conscience must be clear.

And, um, what are you doing when your shift finishes?

Nothing in particular. Why?

I was wondering if, maybe, you'd accompany me

to that drinks reception after all.

Oh, I don't think that would be such a good idea.

-I thought you'd relish the chance to escape this drudgery.

-My life is drudgery now?

No, you live the life of luxury in a big palace

with flunkies to cater to your every whim.

Come on, live a little, it'll be fun. You deserve it.

I've not really got anything nice to wear, so...

What about that outfit you wore for the mehndi?

I can't be expected to just drop everything. I mean, what about Kamil?

Well, I'm sure Masood won't mind spending some more time with his son.

I'll pick you up at three.

Why didn't you tell us you were coming back? We'd have picked you up.

-I didn't want a fuss.

-Hark at mister independent here.

So what made you decide to come back?

I had no choice really. You know, school.

And well my probation's over.

-Do you think he's grown?

-He's only been gone four months.

Fur months is a long time at that age, innit.

-It is at any age living with you.

-Have you started shaving?

Give him a break. He said he don't want a fuss.

-I'm going down the club. Do you want to come?.

-No, you're all right.

I've got to head out and catch up with Jay.

Hello?

-Wotcha Bealey.

-What are you doing here?

SHE SINGS

Tequila!

They're barely talking to one another.

This is not good.

It's perfect.

-It's no good them breaking up now. I need them together, I need them strong.

-What, for Tuesday?

-Maybe we should just call it off, then.

-What, ere you stupid?

Huh?

Miss all the fun

of seeing him crushed.

No, no, no. What do we do now?

What do we do now? You back off him a bit.

Give me time to get them back together.

You are seriously twisted, you know that.

That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

You're in the clear because I got Paul to drop the charges. Yeah, don't ask...

-And then I remembered I'd borrowed 200 quid off you, so...

-Borrowed?!

You didn't think I'd nicked it, did you?

-So what are we going to do now, then?

-We?

Yeah, I thought you might want to take me to lunch.

No, I've got my accounts to do, thank you.

What? This lot?

Yes.

Mandy, put them down, please.

Mandy!

Pick 'em up.

Make me.

-All right.

-All right.

-That suits you.

-Shut up.

-Where's Abi?

Probably playing with her dolls. Who's this, then?

This is Duncan from the gym.

-All right Duncan from the gym. I'm Lola from the block.

-Hi.

So, "Lola from the block," have you and Abi got any plans after school?

-We could come down the gym.

-A gym's no place for girls.

Got to keep your mind on the fight. Stay focused.

Well, we could always hang out somewhere else,

-somewhere with no distractions.

-So, did you miss me then?

-Ben. All right, son. How are you? You're looking well.

-You too.

So this is the great Ben Mitchell?

Not what I was expecting at all.

-Right, and who are you?

-I'm your second cousin, three times removed.

-Billy's granddaughter.

-Oh, is that all.

We should be, er, getting back to the gym.

-This is Duncan. He's like the next big thing.

-Oh, is that right?

-So they say.

-I suppose I should get back to school.

-Tell Abi I'll catch up with her later.

-You can come down

the park if you want. As long as you bring a bottle of cider.

I can do better than that. Look, why don't you lot come over to ours. We've got video games, pool, beers.

-Cos I'm sure Phil's going to love that, ain't he?

-It'll be fine.

Dad's so pleased to have me back he'll put up with just about anything. Even you.

Three, two, one, go...

Whoo! One for luck?

No. I've got to pick Bobby up from school.

OK, well, um,

-you're going to have to do a forfeit.

-What sort of forfeit?

Well, if you're not going to drink the tequila,

you're going to have to eat what's in the bottom of the bottle.

-Hold on a minute, that's a worm, innit?

-Uh huh.

-No way. No way.

-Oh, come on, it's no big deal.

-If it's no big deal, you eat it.

-All right, we'll share.

How are you going to get it out the bottle?

Whoa!!

You're going to have to clean that up!

Problem solved.

-OK.

-I hope there's no glass on that.

-Here goes.

-No...

It's not bad.

Tastes like chicken.

Go on, your turn.

Urrgh.

Oh, that is... Oh, that's disgusting.

I can't believe you just did that.

That is disgusting.

Look.

That is so irresponsible.

Yeah, but totally hilarious.

Your face. You was like...

I have to go and get Bobby.

All right, cool. I'll come with you.

No, um, you stay here.

This needs clearing up before he come home.

-Yes, sir. Let me.

-Oh, thanks.

-There you go.

-Thank you.

Right, I won't be long. But please...

Yes, yes.

Tequila!

-You think it's all right what he did to Cora and Dot?

-No.

I'm just saying that you two have got a good thing.

And it'd be a shame to see it spoiled.

He knows where I am if he wants to talk to me.

And you know he's as stubborn as you are, don't you?

Just talk to him.

-Can I get you a drink?

-Oh, yeah thanks.

-Vodka tonic, please.

-Oh, great, two vodka tonics, please.

Must be a really hard time for you.

Well, I've had better. And worse.

I might be able to help.

-Really?

-I've decided to start up a cleaning business.

-And?

And, well, I thought you might like a job.

What, as a cleaner?

You'd be in very good company.

I mean, Heather's on board already.

I don't think I've sunk that low just yet.

No, no, I'm sure the offers are just rolling in.

Still, no doubt your next meal ticket will be along soon.

Unless you've met him already?

You and Eddie looked very cosy in the cafe earlier.

-Me and Eddie are just mates.

-So that'll be why

-you were reeling him in with that sob story.

-I think your imagination's working overtime.

I don't think so.

I know a gold digger when I see one. You know, been there done that.

Don't judge everybody by your standards.

Oh, no, see that's where you're going wrong.

Someone in your situation can't really afford to have standards.

And let me give you a few pointers, free of charge.

You know, I am particularly experienced in the older man market

and if I was trying to sucker Eddie, I would have him hook line and sinker by now.

Eddie would never go for a cheap little tart like you.

Oh, what's this. Dear, oh, dear. Jealousy?

Now you've broken the first rule of gold digging -

never fall for your victim.

-What do you want for your tea?

-Anything.

Dad!

-So, do you like them?

-Yeah. They're great, thanks.

Ah, don't thank me. Thank your dad. He paid for them.

-Thanks, Dad.

-So it's only fair he gets the first soaking, right?

Argh, it's cold!

Arrgh, that is so cold.

Oh, you two... I tell you what, you are so...so going to get it!

-Should have thought about it a bit more.

-Oh, no!

Er. Right, OK.

And, go.

-Nah, it's not happening today.

-One sec.

Aw, what's the matter? You feeling like a spare part?

You think you're the right business, don't you?

No. I know I am.

Yeah, well I'm back now.

So... it's time to take a step down the ladder.

Right, incoming.

Who's up for a bit of boxing?

-Yes!

-Yeah.

Don't mind, babe, if I have a game of boxing?

Ooh, Ian.

SHE GASPS

-All right!

-I'm really sorry, Janine.

Janine?!

Blimey, you've, er, grown.

Mandy?! What are you doing here?

Well, I was just passing through.

Thought I'd look up some old friends.

You were next on my list.

Oh, yeah, right.

Well, I'm a little bit too big for you to bully these days.

Still, it's nice to see that you're doing so well for yourself.

I should be going.

Mandy.

She's, um, staying with me.

Ooh. In what capacity exactly?

Goodbye, Janine.

Oh, do stay. I really love to talk about old times.

I really hope that you're all going to be very happy together.

Thanks.

Come here.

We should go sort Bobby's tea out.

Come on, Munchkin.

Seconds out. Round three.

I thought that maybe we could go for a drink later.

Oh, you're talking to me now?

I was talking to you before.

That wasn't talking. That was sniping.

So what do you want? A grovelling apology?

Well, a simple "I'm sorry" would suffice.

All right. I'm sorry that I went off at you like that.

See that didn't hurt much, did it?

And? Haven't you got something to say to me?

Don't think so. Got nothing to apologise for.

You tell that to Dot when she can't pay her bills next month.

Look, I've got a busy afternoon.

I'm expecting a delivery to arrive

and I need to find a buyer for Vanessa's watch.

What is it with you and her?

Oh, so it's shifted from moral outrage

to jealousy and paranoia.

-I'm really glad you popped in.

-I don't know why I bothered.

-You know where the door is.

-Yeah, I do.

I see what Jay means.

You're pretty good.

Yeah, it's all about focus.

Are you going to be much longer?

And that's how you do it.

Now how about I show you what I can do, eh?

I've only got to win two more bouts and I'm World Champion. Come on, Ben.

Yeah all right, mate.

Line yourself up.

Right, we're in. Let's go.

-You're going to lose.

-Mate, get out my earhole.

-You're going to lose, Ben.

-Shut up, mate.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry.

Is it just me or is everyone staring at us?

No, they're staring all right.

Wow, that's fine then.

Yusef, I am seriously overdressed.

You look sublime.

They're just not used to seeing me with someone.

Still, gives them something to gossip about, I suppose.

You know me, I can't abide gossips.

If you'll excuse me, I need to do some networking.

-You're leaving me?

-I won't be long.

Enjoy the hospitality. And mingle.

Mingle.

Hello.

I can do mingling. How hard can mingling be.

-You'll soon get used to it.

-Sorry?

Being abandoned at these things.

It's as dull as dishwater, but one has to do one's duty.

Yes, stiff upper lip and all that.

And, these events aside, it's not all bad being the doctor's wife.

Free upgrades on flights.

Medical care on tap.

Oh and, of course, not forgetting a certain social standing.

Yes, I suppose it has its perks.

So how long have you and Dr Khan been married?

Well if you're bored, Liam, go and play with your mates?

-Don't fancy it.

-Well, you can't stay here.

I could go and see if Eddie needs some help with his stock.

-No!

-Why not?

Because he's busy. He doesn't want you in the way.

-But he likes it when I help out.

-Just go home, Liam.

It's always the kids that suffer.

-I don't need you guilt tripping me.

-As if I would.

-The boy's obviously very fond of Dad.

-Yeah, well Liam's not the one who has to put up with his moods.

You still not talking then?

I don't think it's any of your business, Michael.

Do you want to know what Dad's problem is?

-Enlighten me.

-He's scared.

-Of what exactly?

Of being with someone. And of being alone.

Well, that's really helpful.

That's why it never worked out with his second wife.

He couldn't let her in and he couldn't let her go. So she just walked.

Yeah, well right now I don't blame her.

-You don't mean that.

-Don't I?

-No, no, you don't.

Cos I've seen the way you two are together.

I've seen the way he looks at you.

So what am I supposed to do?

Put up with his moods while he figures it out?

-Well, that depends on how much you love him.

-Love?

I think you're jumping the gun there a little bit.

Sorry, course. We won't use the "L" word.

Don't want people getting the wrong idea.

If you like him... If you like him as much as I think you do

then you'll figure out a way

to make him see sense.

And Yusef wore red and gold

and he arrived on a white horse and there were dancers and drummers.

-Well, there'll certainly be a few green-eyed monsters here today.

-Really?

Oh, yes. Yusef was one of the few remaining eligible bachelors.

And quite a catch.

I suppose he is.

And you haven't been married before?

Yusef is my first husband.

And last, I hope.

Alison. Lovely to see you.

I was just chatting to Leonard.

-That must have been fascinating for you.

-It was enlightening.

And he was singing your praises as usual.

Could I borrow my wife a moment?

Ah, course.

Enjoying yourself...

Mrs Khan?

Word soon spreads at these things.

I'm so sorry.

She just assumed. And I thought it would be rude to correct her.

I didn't want to make a faux pas or cause a scene.

You're not angry with me, are you?

I'm flattered.

As good as new. And I think I've found us a buyer.

You don't hang about.

I guessed you'd want a quick sale with Jodie's wedding coming.

Yeah, I need every penny I can get.

Just hope it's all worth it. Last the distance, you know.

You haven't tried to put her off then?

Warned her of the perils of married life.

I've been sorely tempted, but you know what it's like at that age.

The triumph of hope over experience.

If you could do it all over again, would you do anything differently?

Everything.

It can't have been all bad.

Well, maybe just the bad bits then.

-A few of those were there?

-Just a few.

You and me both. I've stuffed up more times than I can remember.

No matter how hard you try and forget about all the bad stuff,

you know, ignore it, pretend it doesn't matter,

that it's not your fault, it's just always there, you know,

eating away.

I'm sorry. I'm not even making any sense.

I think it's all the...the stress of Jodie's wedding

it's playing havoc with me nerves.

I should probably go.

Stay.

Have a drink.

Tyler always keep some handy.

For the calming of the nerves and the drowning of the sorrows.

-Were did you honeymoon?

-Pakistan.

It holds such a special significance for us both

it seemed like a natural choice.

And we hope to go there again one day. For another visit.

That would probably not be for a while.

What with Yusef's busy practice and my charity work.

Zainab's very active in the community.

Oh, well you should come over for dinner some time.

-Alison's always organising some charity event or other.

-That would be lovely.

And then you can tell us more about how you managed to nab this one.

I never thought he was the marrying again type.

You know, Alison, neither did I.

But then sometimes someone can come into your life

and change your way of thinking.

Your very way of being.

Like a jolt of lightening that wakes you up from a slumber

you never even noticed you were in.

And then you realise that everything in your life up to that point

was merely a rehearsal for that one, magical, perfect moment.

Pretty damned smitten, I'd say.

Well, I think it's time we were leaving.

Can't wait to get the new bride home, eh? Don't blame you.

-Mrs Khan.

-Nice to meet you.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

Excuse me.

-Bye.

-B-Bye.

-To hell with relationships, that's what I say.

-To hell with relationships.

Not sure Carol would appreciate that toast.

But then...

Carol's not here.

And you shouldn't be either.

But I am, Eddie.

Here and now.

All right.

Is, er, Shirl about?

Yeah, she's doing dinner.

So you glad to be back?

Yeah. I couldn't stay with Gran forever, could I?

Anyway, she was doing my head in.

Yeah, she, er...

She rang earlier. Said how she thought it was time you came back.

You know, got on with things.

So it's, er, a fresh start, eh?

Yeah. Why not.

-How's your afternoon been?

-Good. It was like I was never away.

I had a wonderful time. Thank you.

Having you there certainly livened things up.

Well, you were right, you know, it's good to escape once in a while.

Well, I should, er... I should get going.

Yes, of course.

What are you doing?!

-I thought...

-Zainab, you're a married woman!

-I'm so sorry.

-If you weren't married,

-that would be different.

-Please, forgive me, I'm very sorry.

I think maybe you got carried away with the pretence.

The door was open.

I was just about to head off.

Right.

Just...just, er, hear me out. Please.

I know I'm not the easiest person in the world to be with,

God knows you try the patience of a saint, at times...

and I know you're scared,

you know, scared that this is going somewhere,

scared that it's not going somewhere,

but, see, that's all right cos I am too.

In fact, I'm petrified.

But, you see, I think what we've got is just too good to throw away.

But if you don't then that's fine. You know, I'll walk away now.

Save us both the heartache.

But you, um...

you need to know that I love you.

You ridiculous, frustrating, annoying, man.

Come here.

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