19/09/2011 EastEnders


19/09/2011

Darren and Lauren vow to conceal their indiscretion, not realising they may already have been discovered. Meanwhile a familiar face returns for Darren's stag do.


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Transcript


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I know.

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SHE SIGHS

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-That didn't happen, right? Big mistake. Huge.

-D'you think I'm proud?

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So we're on the same page, then?

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-Does it matter?

-Yes, it matters.

-Jodie's made it clear the wedding's off anyway.

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What was that?

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Look, whatever happens with you and Jodie, she can't find out about this, all right?

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-Here you are, Mum.

-Oh. Thank you, darlin'.

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But I don't want anything. You have it.

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You on another stupid diet?

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-What you doing dressed so early? You been out looking for me?

-Where've you been?

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Well, where are you disappearing off to?

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Oh, yeah, another business course, is it?

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You stink of booze.

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-That's what having a life smells like, Abi.

-Eau de legless slapper?

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-When you going to get a bit of self respect?

-Maybe when you stop sneaking about.

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So, who is it today then, Mum?

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-I told you, it's just a business course.

-Mm.

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Do you mind?

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I'm trying out a new cellulite treatment at the salon.

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Fitting a lot round this course, aren't you, Mum?

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You two are doing my head in!

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-Darren, when you get this, please come home. Please.

-POPPY:

-Jodie?

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What's wrong?

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You need to get my hen do back on track, best woman!

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THEY SQUEAL

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Well? What's the latest?

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They're going to wake him up soon.

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Ugh! I need a shower. KNOCK AT DOOR

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All right. Loan shark's favourite time of day.

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-It's me, Michael.

->

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-News?

-They still don't know - not until he comes to.

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The doctors seem pleased, Dad.

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Yeah, got some cheery news for him. Family business going down the U-bend.

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I'll make that right, Dad.

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I'll do a course on websites, get one up and running. The emporium can have world-wide premises.

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They got a course on "how to get creditors off your back.com"?

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Anthony, we deal in cash, all right?

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My middle name ain't PayPal.

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-I'm sorry.

-Roll up your sleeves.

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-Houses don't clear themselves.

-You and me?

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Dad, I will come to the hospital...

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but I'm going to make this right.

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Promise.

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Thank you.

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-Listen, about Craig...

-It's fine.

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We wait, till we know about Tyler.

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Who knows? Today could be the day we find that Faberge egg.

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Hey!

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-SHE HISSES

-Yeah, whatever! Hey, brother!

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Just lining the stomach before the stag do of the century.

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-Well, don't bother.

-Why - you got jitters?

-Got no missus.

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Got no job. Got no life.

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Hold tight.

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Are you telling me there's no stag do?

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Jodie getting off with Anthony, and me getting off with Lauren sort of implies that.

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What?! Jodie! No way! Are you... What was you thinking?!

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-That my wedding's off, which it is. So shut up.

-All right, lips locked.

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Who cares anyway, eh?

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Jodie phoning to remind me how worthless I am.

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Doesn't mean that she needs to know. We can put a firewall all the way round this.

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You're supposed to look like you haven't slept AFTER your stag do!

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Brother, there ain't going to be no stag do.

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What kind of do would it be anyway?

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My surrogate family hate me, my real one don't care. It'd be us three hell-raisers,

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trail-blazing through the Square gardens. HORN HONKS

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I haven't missed it, have I?

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It's me, it's Mickey!

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Tanya Jessop. I've got an appointment for a laparoscopy.

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I was wondering if I could change to another day - something important's come up.

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Er...

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Well, it's not that urgent, but...

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Yes.

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Yeah, I understand.

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Yeah, I'll be there.

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Bye.

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I can take Oscar today if you need to be somewhere.

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I know the prospect terrifies you, but...

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It's fine - it's the girls I worry about.

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-They're at each other's throats, when they're not at mine.

-Give it time.

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-I can't wait that long!

-It's unnatural for teenage girls to not hate their mum, innit? Look at us.

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What if it turns into a life-long resentment?

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What? You're a million miles away from our mum, Tan.

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A zillion.

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Anyway, where you got to be that's so important?

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Ah, it's just...

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Come on, sis. Spill!

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It's nothing like that, Rai. Honestly.

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What, then?

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A problem shared.

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I won't tell anyone.

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-Rainie...

-But I can't promise I'll stay out of the pub if it's anything shocking.

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Joke! Joking!

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Yeah, it's, er... It's nothing - it's just rubbishy old business stuff, that's all.

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Right. You. No Bible classes,

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no smelly vagrants, and, er... tell my girls just...

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-Tell them to have a bit of flippin' respect for their mother, eh? I'll see you later.

-Enjoy!

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He's got some nerve, staying out all night.

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I pushed him away.

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He lied to you. About the raise, about paying for the wedding...

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Mum.

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Jodie. He's a lying thief, on the bones of his backside,

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with no prospects, punching sky high above his puny little weight.

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The Darren Miller fan club welcomes me.

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-Darren.

-Go on, then.

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-Be quick. I know what you'll say. I've had 15 missed calls.

-Only got yourself to blame.

-Mum!

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There's no pressure about tomorrow. Just take some time.

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-Think it through.

-I have. I love Darren for being Darren, not what's in his bank account.

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It's a real turn on, the size of a man's overdraft.

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Do you know what it's like when a man says he loves you and means it?

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No - you're always too busy working out how they'll pay for the next bit of jewellery.

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It's always been about YOU - about caring for you.

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Then, please, just accept Darren's good for me!

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Hang about - what about you and Anthony Moon? And don't deny it.

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I saw you at the hospital.

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-He was in bits over his brother - he needed comforting.

-Oh. Is that what you call it?

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Nothing happened.

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Just made me realise how pathetic it was - us arguing over the small stuff.

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Darren...

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..you're my everything.

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And with your arms around me, I feel like I can fly.

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You're my Superman.

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-ETA?

-You can't put a time on the needs of a parishioner.

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In need of a good gossip, more like.

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There it is!

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-What, this old thing?

-I asked you a thousand times if you'd seen it!

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Well, you've got a thousand crosses knocking about. I didn't know you meant this one in particular.

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-Hand it to me before I strangle you with it!

-That's not very Christian.

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You turn up uninvited, eh?

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You go to places I forbid, you steal from me,

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you make a disgusting mess. You're a wicked, wicked child.

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You're not so bad yourself.

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-You're grounded.

-I ain't no plane in volcanic ash.

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If you dare to go against me again,

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you'll find your bags on the streets! I want every inch of my house clean and tidy before I get back.

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Do you understand?

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Do you understand?!

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They did what?

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-Well, yeah. I thought Lauren would have told you.

-No!

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-Can we have two bacon baps, please? Make 'em big 'uns.

-I'm going to need all the energy I can get!

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FAT BOY CHEERS

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I thought you and Jodie were over.

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No, we're back on.

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So, what happened at the car lot...

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Stays at the car lot. As long as it was just a random customer that saw us.

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-We'll have to find out who did see us.

-Lauren?

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Lauren, look at you! How lovely are you? She's got really big, ain't she, Dal?

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Listen, I won't say nothing if you don't.

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-He was just trying to get something out of his system, weren't you, Dal?

-What?

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-You didn't!

-Course I didn't!

-No, he didn't do that.

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Lauren. Lauren! Why?

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-YOU know? How?

-Fats said...

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Look. OK. I-I...made a few assumptions, all right?

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I thought Sick Mick was your brother, yous two were tight, you know?

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But you know what this means? This means that we've got a pact

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and right now, no-one needs to know about you...and her.

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-You two slept together?

-No.

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-Tam, basically...

-Jodie doesn't deserve that. When Afia finds out...

-She can't find out! Tell him!

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It's all right. Look, we've got a pact now, OK, OK? Ain't there some clucking to do?

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-There's a hen do, right?

-Yeah, there's a stag do, to go to!

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It's stag o'clock!

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Come on, Dal, let's go!

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It's party time! Let's do this!

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SHE MOUTHS

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Let's do it!

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Sexy(!)

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Dad's worked so hard all his life. He's given me and Tyler so many chances...

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What's done is done. You know, you gotta keep on going, I s'pose.

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Never seen him like this before.

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-He can have my wages.

-You need 'em!

-I can top it up with what we make today. Tell him it was your graft.

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It'd help relations, wouldn't it?

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Go on - go and get some chips.

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Thanks, Michael.

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Ugh! You're all right. We've got enough cheap tat already.

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I've got my daughter's wedding to pay for.

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I'm calling it quits.

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Then I'll tell Eddie that you put his son in hospital.

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Shame if he knew the truth about you.

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You know what? I don't actually care what Eddie thinks about me. And, obviously, you don't either.

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Oi.

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On the proviso you stay away from my dad and my family.

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All right?

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She is one chicken zinger!

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Probably best avoiding that one, though. Apparently she's a stripper/pole dancer by profession.

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-Large one, darlin'.

-Thanks, Alfie.

-Ta.

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-I'd be getting legless if all I had to look forward to was Ian Beale coming back.

-Buzz off, baldie.

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Hi, Mr Moon. I've come for Jodie's wages - we need them for tonight.

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-Not a problem. Give me ten minutes.

-Yeah.

-Get my rent while you're at it,

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-if you still want your name above the door.

-You're the real landlord, ain't you?

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Hello, beautiful. My name's Mickey.

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-SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

-Poppy.

-Poppy! That's a lovely name.

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You want to "poppy" your mouthy on my mouthy?

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-What?

-Sorry, sorry, sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. You must just bring it out in me.

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A nice girl like yourself, a man of commitment such as myself.

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When you meet a nice girl she's for life -

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-not just for Christmas. Not like all these other men - even ones getting married.

-Who d'you mean?

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-Come on, Mick, you got the beers in?

-D'you mean him?

-Er, no, no.

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-What you been up to, Darren?

-Nothing, nothing.

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-Yous two know each other?

-That's Poppy, Jodie's best friend?

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-You've been messing behind Jodie's back?!

-No! I never said that!

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No, you didn't have to!

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How you feeling, Tanya?

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Like I've been kung fu-ed in the guts by the Furious Five...

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Kung Fu Panda - it's my little boy's favourite.

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You need to eat something.

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I feel sick, actually.

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That's why you need to eat something.

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You're going to be very sore for the next few days.

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And your little boy will have to go without his mum picking him up.

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You can't lift anything heavy.

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Got to let the stitches heal.

0:15:320:15:33

How long is, er...

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How long is this going to put me out for?

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Cos I've got my job and my kids - there's people depending on me...

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You've got to rest, Tanya.

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That's the most important thing. We'll fix an appointment for your results before you leave tomorrow.

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No... no, no, no, I can't stay over.

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I've got my kids.

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Well, I'll have a word with the doctors and double check.

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Mr Waverly will see you later today.

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There will be someone to take you home, won't there?

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My mum.

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Got a good one, then.

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-It was a one off.

-So you did, then?

-I was drunk.

-That's no excuse.

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-I thought Jodie got off with Anthony.

-She'd never do that.

-And I regret sleeping with Lauren.

0:16:230:16:27

-Lauren?

-Oh.

0:16:270:16:29

-Lauren?!

-Look please, please, please don't tell Jodie.

0:16:290:16:33

-We tell each other everything. She's like a sister.

-You won't want to hurt her, then.

-Me?!

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-Go and ruin her big day?

-Me?!

-If she finds out, it'll ruin everything she's dreamt about.

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Don't go and break her heart. Look...

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I will never, ever do anything like this again, all right?

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I'll make her the happiest woman alive.

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I'll tell her.

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Yeah, you will. Today, Darren!

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Dad...

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Don't speak.

0:17:280:17:29

I need to know...

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What, son?

0:17:390:17:41

Did we score?

0:17:440:17:46

Please, Mandy. It won't be a stag do without a stripper!

0:17:480:17:51

Anyway, it'll be more artistic than anything, yeah?

0:17:510:17:55

Fat Boy, hit it!

0:17:550:17:56

MUSIC: "Milkshake" by Kelis

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-You boys are not man enough!

-You can teach me to be a man.

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-Teach me, teach me!

-Please don't.

0:18:010:18:04

-I wish I could be more like you.

-Just let your hair down, Dazza!

0:18:050:18:10

It's not just Poppy. It's Vanessa. The car lot, this morning. She knows.

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-Think you'd be sat here right now if she did?

-HE SIGHS

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MUSIC CONTINUES, MEN JEER

0:18:160:18:20

-FAT BOY:

-Oh, my days.

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How about the belt?

0:18:260:18:28

-Take it off, take it off!

-We want the belt, we want the belt!

0:18:280:18:31

ALFIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

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-That's enough - ain't that kind of pub, fellas, and you know it!

-Alfie!

0:18:330:18:38

-Mrs Moon would not be happy! I'm meant to be keeping an eye on you!

-I bet!

0:18:380:18:42

Party at mine. And you're in the VIP suite, sweet cheeks.

0:18:450:18:49

It's chocka-blocka-rocka with fit boys and girls.

0:18:490:18:52

Brrrap! Tunage!

0:18:520:18:56

BOTH: # Now I'm back for more

0:18:590:19:02

# Set your spirit free

0:19:030:19:06

# It's the only way to be

0:19:060:19:11

-# It's the only way to be... #

-I know you're sorry. Just stop it now, OK?

0:19:130:19:16

Tell that to both my faces. Poppy ain't spoke to me tonight.

0:19:160:19:21

-Maybe it was her that came into the car lot.

-You're being paranoid now.

0:19:210:19:24

I'm afraid to say you're not going through to the next round.

0:19:240:19:27

Yeah, someone call the RSPCA! There's cats being strangled in here!

0:19:270:19:31

-Jodes...

-There's something wrong, isn't there?

0:19:310:19:34

-I...

-You're right. Me and Darren - we should be together.

0:19:360:19:39

I don't want to spend another night apart.

0:19:390:19:43

-OK.

-Right, come on everyone, we're going to go and find Darren!

-Darren?

0:19:440:19:47

Yeah, come on, I've had enough!

0:19:470:19:49

I'll tell Jode you weren't feeling well. And you'll be so poorly,

0:19:520:19:55

you won't be able to make it to the wedding tomorrow, either.

0:19:550:19:58

MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY

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This I did not expect, sweetness!

0:20:050:20:08

You're very popular, Faith.

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These are all online bredrens, innit? Fiver each. Kerching!

0:20:110:20:15

All up in Aunty O's house, though! Are you mad?

0:20:150:20:18

-If Mohammed ain't allowed up no mountain...

-Oh, oh! Come on, girl!

0:20:180:20:24

-She was allowed out to the club, and she's still in a mood.

-Oh, boo-hoo, Abi.

0:20:280:20:32

Girls. Oscar's asleep.

0:20:320:20:34

D'you know how much I been panicking - being left to look after the Little Emperor?

0:20:340:20:39

Thought he was going to have a fit without his mum's bedtime story. Amazing how quickly they adapt.

0:20:390:20:45

What business course goes on this late?

0:20:450:20:48

She's is so up to something.

0:20:480:20:50

Hey, Miss Marple. Leave her alone!

0:20:500:20:52

Hands up here anyone who's never messed things up?

0:20:530:20:57

Ooh, you little liar. Oh, come...

0:20:580:21:00

-No, I don't want a hug, Abi!

-Auntie Rainie! Get off me!

0:21:000:21:03

THEY CONTINUE TO PLAY-FIGHT

0:21:030:21:06

He's OK.

0:21:200:21:21

MUSIC: "Hello" by Martin Solveig & Dragonette

0:21:340:21:38

-I can't be without you.

-You all right?

0:21:470:21:49

Hello! You must be my new sister-in-law. Welcome to the family.

0:21:490:21:54

-Oi!

-What's goin' on, babe?

0:21:570:21:59

-Mwah!

-Lauren's gone home with her tail between her legs. Nice tune, by the way!

0:21:590:22:04

Thank you very much, thank you very much. So, this whole BMF thing, yeah?

0:22:040:22:08

-Mm.

-Once you become a BMF, is there any chance of, you know, like, a promotion?

-What?

0:22:080:22:13

You know, like, can you rise through the ranks? Know what I mean?

0:22:130:22:18

Mum texted and Tyler's doing really well!

0:22:190:22:22

Really? That's amazing, I'll go and see if I can talk to him.

0:22:220:22:25

No more hard to get.

0:22:300:22:32

Let's make this easy. You picked the wrong sister, mister.

0:22:320:22:34

Now, If Mercy was a fridge, I'm an Aga. And you can't turn them tings off.

0:22:340:22:41

Oh, sick. So, what you saying? Like...

0:22:410:22:44

D'you want to be Fat Boy, or Rude Boy?

0:22:440:22:46

-Yeah, I can't really, you know...

-I can't see a better offer. Can you?

0:22:460:22:49

Just be gentle with me, all right, sweetness?

0:22:530:22:57

Yee-ha!

0:22:570:22:59

Because they're keeping him in for a while,

0:23:510:23:53

I got him anti-bacterial wipes, plasters and hand gel.

0:23:530:23:56

Even a tiny little nick shaving can be an all-inclusive hotel for MRSA.

0:23:560:24:00

Oh, voice of doom! He'll be all right!

0:24:000:24:03

I know, but then there's the food and air conditioning to get past.

0:24:030:24:06

Boys, we've got a lot to celebrate. Those nurses -

0:24:060:24:10

diamonds. Wonderful.

0:24:100:24:12

-Don't you have a wedding to organise?

-I just went to see how Tyler was.

0:24:140:24:17

We ran into each other, thought we could share the celebrations.

0:24:170:24:21

How wonderfully convenient.

0:24:210:24:23

To Tyler.

0:24:230:24:24

To Tyler and his head of steel.

0:24:260:24:29

You know, he fell off a wall when he was six.

0:24:290:24:32

He had his hands in a packet of crisps, so his face took the brunt of it.

0:24:320:24:36

The screams!

0:24:360:24:38

All the neighbours came out.

0:24:380:24:40

He was still screaming at the hospital when the nurse was stitching up his lip.

0:24:400:24:45

Then when he got knocked out...

0:24:460:24:48

all I wanted was for him to scream.

0:24:480:24:51

Something.

0:24:510:24:53

Anything...

0:24:530:24:55

The minute you lot were born - every single one of you - that's when the worry started.

0:24:570:25:02

All right, Dad.

0:25:030:25:04

What's that?

0:25:080:25:11

-He earned it, today.

-Really?

0:25:110:25:12

Yep. Yeah, he's got the gift of the gab. Just like his pa.

0:25:120:25:16

Well...

0:25:190:25:21

I've made a lot of mistakes in the past.

0:25:210:25:23

I'm not happy about the way I left Carol.

0:25:240:25:26

But hey...

0:25:260:25:29

Let's not dwell on the past, eh? The future looks good.

0:25:300:25:34

Tyler's making a recovery.

0:25:340:25:36

-Things might just be on the up.

-I dunno about that.

0:25:360:25:40

I made a pact with Ty that...

0:25:420:25:44

for a month I'd support...

0:25:440:25:47

Sorry, Michael.

0:25:470:25:48

-Leyton Orient! Good boy.

-Deary me.

0:25:510:25:54

-Deary me!

-Get in, my son! Get in!

0:25:540:25:58

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

0:25:580:26:00

Darren...

0:26:030:26:05

I was going to read this out tomorrow, but I need you to know now.

0:26:060:26:10

"You're the hairspray to my cow licks

0:26:120:26:16

"You're the glue to my acrylics

0:26:160:26:18

"A mask for my face, made of clay

0:26:180:26:21

"You're my support pants on a fat day

0:26:230:26:25

"With you I don't need botox or filler

0:26:250:26:28

"Cos I'll be perfect as Mrs Miller."

0:26:280:26:31

-What I'm saying, Darren...

-I know what you're trying to say.

0:26:310:26:34

We can be like them, can't we?

0:26:370:26:40

Why don't we get some fresh air?

0:26:400:26:42

Oh. All right, Grace?

0:26:440:26:45

We're getting married in the morning!

0:26:450:26:47

FAITH!

0:26:520:26:53

Get out, get out, get out!

0:26:530:26:55

Oh, my Lord!

0:26:580:26:59

Faith?!

0:26:590:27:01

Fantastic party Faith's put on.

0:27:010:27:04

You must be her sister.

0:27:040:27:06

-Where is she?

-I think she's under the coat pile.

0:27:060:27:09

Faith!

0:27:120:27:14

Faith!

0:27:160:27:17

Aunty O!

0:27:170:27:19

Oh! Oh, no, no, no, no.

0:27:190:27:21

-I'm going to go. I want to look my best for tomorrow.

-I know, but...

0:27:210:27:26

We've got for ever together to chat.

0:27:260:27:28

What if I've done something bad?

0:27:280:27:30

-You got sacked cos of me. End of.

-What if I've done something worse than that?

0:27:300:27:33

It doesn't matter what's happened - this is the slate wiped clean. This, right now, is day zero. Agreed?

0:27:330:27:39

-You haven't told her yet?

-I'm going to come home with you, let's go.

0:27:390:27:42

-You can't start a marriage on lies.

-Poppy, shush now, we're all a bit drunk.

0:27:420:27:46

-Don't marry him, Jode.

-Not now, Poppy!

0:27:460:27:48

No? When, then? Wait till the honeymoon to tell her you slept with Lauren last night?

0:27:480:27:53

-Don't listen to her...

-I know.

0:27:530:27:55

At the car lot this morning.

0:27:580:27:59

I saw you.

0:28:010:28:02

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:320:28:35

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:350:28:38

Darren and Lauren vow to conceal their indiscretion, not realising they may already have been discovered. Meanwhile a familiar face returns for Darren's stag do, Tanya prepares for her hospital appointment in secret, and Fatboy hopes to take his friendship with Whitney to the next level.


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