31/10/2011 EastEnders

'Any time now, all right Syed?'

Mum, I'll be there in a minute.

-'There's food to cook, decorations to go up. They'll be here soon.'

-I know.

'I've just had to send your dad out for stuff. Tamwar forgot it.'

If you let me get off the phone I can come over there and make a start.

'Right, just get here please, Syed.'

DOOR CLOSES

Christian!

He's really sweet.

Don't get too excited, it's only a teddy from the market.

-Syed!

-Two secs.

-Sounds like someone needs you.

-Yeah, someone needs you too.

You're part of my life, every bit as much as Yasmin.

It's just early days.

You watch. This time next year, you'll be giving her this yourself.

-Syed!

-Trust me.

What you doing?

THEY GIGGLE

PHONE RINGS

Agh!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

Any sign of that courier?

-Yes. I'm so sorry.

-I'll do that. You get off.

-Are you sure?

-I'm sure.

Oh...

-Come on, Yasmin.

-Hi.

-Hey, Afia.

Hey, have you lost weight?

-Don't think so.

-No. Maybe you're right.

-Her child could only have been born on Halloween.

-Hmm.

DOOR CLOSES

Right, I've been looking round.

This place is a pigsty.

-What's wrong?

-I should be in my dream home now with my dream husband.

-Jode...

-We've just had to move out of a cheap bedsit that stank of chip fat...

and now we're living with two disgusting boys.

Look, what have I told you?

Yep, you're right, I've got to be strong.

And we will soon have this place spic and span.

-Well, why?

-Why, what?

Did we turn this place into a pigsty?

Well, no... but we'll be living in it.

Why?

Because we'll be living here.

Ground rules, Jode. Ground rules.

PHONE RINGS

-Did you get everything?

-Everything but the kitchen sink.

We'll just have to make do with this one, won't we?

-Oieee!

-What are you doing? Don't answer that.

Syed, you are finishing off the food. Tamwar and Amira

-are decorating the front room...

-Just like old times.

Today is going to be all right, isn't it, Mas?

Will I behave myself, you mean?

There's been so much upset recently.

Today we'll be one big, happy family.

-Syed? Have you finished the balloons?

-Nearly.

-Nearly?

Either you're doing them or you're not.

Afia! Come downstairs right now.

You do know Yasmin's not going to take any of this in.

And what has any of this got to do with Yasmin?

-She won't even look at half the presents.

-So I'll open them for her.

Or eat any of the food.

She won't get a chance, once Afia gets started.

Talking of presents...

It's from Christian. You can try, at least.

-He is and it's not easy for him either.

-Or for you.

Juggling all of this.

Your little girl, all you've got going on at home.

It has its moments.

I bet sometimes you think, "Just give me an easy life."

-A life without Christian, you mean?

-Well...

-It would be easier.

-Yeah?

But it wouldn't be the life I want.

So it wouldn't be much of a life at all then, would it?

'I don't know.'

-Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

-I'm not in the mood for a party.

This ain't just a party, you know,

this is our Halloween party and it's washed down

with gallons, and I mean gallons, of booze.

Feel free to bring your own bottle though.

-Look, everyone'll be there.

-Everyone'll be where?

Almost everyone's going to be there.

Come on, Chrissy. What else you going to do tonight? Sit ups?

I'll think about it. See you later, maybe.

-See ya, darling.

-You better.

And how are you feeling today?

-Top of the world.

-What?

-After the weekend you've had?

-In the pink.

If it weren't for my strong-rooted faith, I would sometimes wonder.

Wonder what?

-Is there any justice in the world.

-You're not jealous, are you?

Jealous? What, of you staying out all night,

making an exhibition of yourself?

No. Of me getting on so well with your dishy vicar.

He is not my vicar.

You can't call a man of the cloth dishy.

It isn't one of the Ten Commandments, but it should be.

And as for getting on with him, throwing yourself at him, more like.

So, we won't be seeing too much of him?

I'd be surprised if we see anything of him.

-That's odd. He's coming up your path.

-What?

Oh, my Lor'. Look at the state of... Here, get yourself out of sight.

Go on, I mean it. I am not going to be humiliated by you, no more.

-You not talking to me or something?

-Why do you say that?

-You blanking me for one thing.

-Look, what was you and Abi just talking about?

This club we're going to tonight. You know the new one on the High Street?

I convinced some girl to give us some free passes

-earlier on in the market.

-Oh, right.

Why, what did you think we was talking about? Last week, right?

You muppet. Come on.

-We should still be down the Emporium.

-Priorities, Ant.

What? Closing up early...or girls.

-Exactly. Cup of tea?

-Oh, yeah, could murder one.

Thirsty work all this moving.

Oh, no, we haven't got any clean mugs.

No, haven't exactly got any clean anything, have you?

-We really have let things go since Dad moved out.

-Yeah, just a bit.

Only you realise it when someone else moves in.

Well, thank goodness we're here, eh?

Yeah. Milk, one sugar for me. Same for Jode.

You keep telling me you've sent them,

but I'm telling you they've not arrived.

-Yes. Please check again.

-Yusef?

Right, well, thanks for that.

Zainab.

I need some more pills.

With this party happening today, I didn't sleep very well last night.

Are you sure you don't want me to be there?

Yusef.

I'm just thinking of you that's all, a little moral support.

Mas has promised to behave himself.

And you believe him?

He's been much better since we got back from Pakistan.

-Or he's pretending to be.

-I don't want to rock the boat.

People don't change in just a few weeks.

It is not just me that thinks so, Syed and Tamwar think that as well.

I really think that I need to give him a chance.

Amira can't even mention our name to her father.

I don't want the same situation with our family.

I'll get you some pills.

So what are we going to do then? I mean, we can't go to a club sober.

-What about Motormouth?

-Who?

Kim. Ain't going to cost us nothing if we get her booze?

-Pinch it?

-It's a party, she won't even miss it.

-Bet she will.

-Are you bottling it?

No.

Good, cos Ben ain't bottling it. Ben don't bottle nothing, do ya?

-Oh, so you're going to break into the B&B and steal all of Kim's booze?

-No.

I know someone who is.

ThunderCats! Ho!

What do you think?

Thought we'd round up people in costume.

No. You did. I didn't.

Showing 'em what they're missing if they don't turn up. Know what I mean?

KIM HUMS

Ooow! Yeah!

You could go with her.

Hope you enjoy the party.

Qadim. There's something you should know.

Well, you know me, I'm always glad to do my bit.

You know, when the display is all arranged,

I'm going to take a photograph, so as I can show Jim.

Nice idea. It really makes a difference at this time of the year.

It raises everyone's spirits.

Having something bright and colourful to look at.

Oh, sorry, am I interrupting anything?

Rose, how nice to see you again.

Mr Stevens and I are in the middle of arranging the flower rota.

-Actually, I think we just finished that.

-Oh, did we? Oh, yes, of course.

Time for coffee then?

-I've already extended hospitality to the vicar.

-You're staying to eat then?

-Pardon?

-Oh, sorry, Dot, is that not what you meant?

-I really wouldn't want to impose.

-I'm glad you're staying,

because I've had this awful feeling all weekend that I've embarrassed you.

I thoroughly enjoyed our little chat.

-You're just saying that.

-To prove it, I'd love to stay for something to eat.

Oh, fine, fine. Yes, of course.

Hello. Big Halloween party, 7 o'clock, just there, Kimberley's Palace.

Don't be late. You'll have fun. Looking good.

-Well?

-They're organising a party.

People'll be in and out all the time.

Yeah, now that we've got him a costume.

-They'll recognise me.

-Come on, as if.

They'll think you're one of those loser trick or treaters.

What if someone says something, they'll know my voice right off.

Liam, look just go will you? Go on, go.

While he's doing that, let's go down the R&R.

-It won't be open.

-That's the perfect time to nick some of their booze.

Come on.

Hey! Christian. 7 o'clock. Do not be late.

You look great, babe.

KIM PURRS

-See ya.

-See ya later.

I should thank you for Yasmin's present.

Syed was touched. Which was probably the point I suppose.

I'm not trying to make a point, Amira.

You've done so much damage already. Just let Syed have one day with his proper family.

My bishop told me everything about him.

What he looked like, the car he was driving, even the colour of his hair.

Just made it all the more curious he never mentioned that my new chaplain

-only had the one arm.

-He's a riot! Where did you find him?

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

The stories you tell. The people you've met.

I wish I'd met you years ago.

It is a shame now I come to think about it.

Yeah, all the fun I've missed out on.

All the heartache she wouldn't have caused me.

-You don't mind me talking about this, Rose?

-Talking about what?

-Well, the problems you've had.

-Piccalilli?

-All the trouble you've caused.

-Ham?

-You know, the time you was in prison.

-Prison?

Yes, I had to go down to the police station, she was 15 going on 20.

It was mistaken identity. I was only in overnight.

And then there was your bigamy.

That wasn't my fault. That was Charlie.

Yes, but that was cos you were such a flibbertigibbet.

I mean, you only had to ask me if I was alive.

I mean, perhaps it is a pity that you didn't meet

the Reverend before. He might have been able to do something

about your addiction to the sleazy side of life.

I mean, pardon me for saying that, Rose.

Sorry, vicar.

I've already told you, it's not here.

Yes.

I suppose you thought that was funny.

-What?

-Airing my dirty linen in front of the vicar.

Oh, he's used to seeing it - he's a vicar.

Anyway, I don't find any of your actions remotely amusing.

So why'd you bring it up, then?

And neither did the vicar, from the look on his face.

-You said there'd be no-one there.

-It's probably cos it's Halloween - he's early.

Lo's right - we've just got to butter him up.

SHE MOUTHS

One at a time, all right?

One at a time!

Must have got mixed up with my magazines. I'm sorry. Was it important?

-Ain't you coming back inside, Rose?

-Not much point now, is there?

Oh, the vicar won't hold your past sins against you, no matter how numerous they are.

He certainly won't.

-More tea, Vicar?

-No, thank you.

-And there's no need for you to worry about creating a bad impression, Rose.

-Isn't there?

In my book, to have been tested and to have come out the other side...

Well, that beats not being tested at all.

You really must tell me more about your journey through life's rich tapestry.

Why not now?

Oh, no, this ain't the place for it.

-Absolutely. We'll go to the pub, eh?

-I'll just get my coat.

-Yasmin...

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Were you expecting anyone else?

-I haven't invited anyone.

-DOORBELL CONTINUES

-It's probably some grubby local doing ridiculous trick or treating.

Tamwar, can you please get rid of them before they wake up Kamil? Come on!

Afia, go and get the cake. Masood can get the candles.

OK.

OK, then we'll all make a wish together.

Tamwar, who is it?

Qadim.

DOOR CLOSES

Are they the results?

-Well?

-I don't know.

I thought I'd leave that to you.

How dare you come here? How dare you bring my granddaughter to this house?

-Qadim.

-Get your coat.

-And Yasmin's things.

-Qadim.

You made the biggest mistake of your life marrying this creature and now...you come here while he...

While he does what, Qadim?

Celebrates his daughter's birthday, like I did, like you did, like every man in the world would do?

I said, "Get your things."

We haven't cut the cake yet. We've got balloons and presents.

-Please, Dad, stay.

-We're not staying a moment longer. I won't let these people infect you.

-Qadim, please.

-I'm warning you. I will take my daughter and my granddaughter by force if I have to.

Then you'll have to.

What kind of man are you to stand in front of me?

-What kind of man produces a son like that?

-What kind of man pays thugs to beat up other men?

-Syed.

Yasmin is my granddaughter too, Qadim.

Do not remind me.

And if you take her or Amira by force,

then you'll find out exactly what kind of man I am.

You are my child, Amira.

Haven't I always done my best for you?

-Yes, of course.

-So you've defied me once by coming here and now you defy me again by staying?

-You'll choose this kind of people over your own family?

-It's not about choice -

I want Yasmin to know all her family.

It IS a choice.

You leave with me or you stay without me.

And I mean without me.

I'll wait for you in the car.

-What, he actually said that?

-Yeah, told me it was past my bedtime.

And he told me to take my little sister home, an' all.

Why you looking so smug? You got in and didn't even get any.

-They was restocking - there were people everywhere, I had no chance.

-Oi. Where've you been?

Liam.

Liam, what's that?

So...you've finally seen sense.

-Where's Yasmin?

-Dad, please, just give us a few more minutes.

No, not one more second. How many times have I got to tell you?

-These people don't exist.

-But they do.

Not for us. Not any more.

Syed is still my husband.

He's nobody. He's nothing. He's...

I asked you once before and I'll ask you again -

would a grave prove that to you?

-What kind of a monster are you?

-Syed.

-You want to threaten me, do it to my face.

-Syed, please, this really isn't helping.

You may be able to bully your daughter like the coward you are, but not me.

You would not believe what I could do to you.

We're cutting the cake.

Amira.

-Are you coming back?

-No, she's not.

Amira?

You take his hand, you... go back in that house...

..and you are no longer my daughter.

Amira.

Are you sure you're OK?

Yasmin isn't going to be one again. No-one is going to spoil that.

I'm sure your father will come round. You've got two families now.

Everyone make that wish.

Don't go in there, go to Kimberley's Palace.

Yeah, you've got free drinks...ish. Food and drink.

Ah! Now that has definitely got to be

-the best vicar outfit for the evening.

-It should be. He IS a vicar.

What, in real life? The genuine article?

Mate, I got to take a picture of this!

One sexy cat draped round a real-life vicar? Take the money shot.

I don't think so.

Oh, it's just a bit of harmless fun.

Harmless fun!

Look, just take this, press that button. Quick, quick, quick.

POSH ACCENT: Oh, Vicar!

Hang on a minute. I'll be back, all right? Don't go nowhere.

-You're hammered.

-Be even more hammered if you'd got the booze from the R&R.

Yeah, maybe I should have copped off with the barman.

-You would've slept with the barman just for booze?

-Yeah, why not?

-Don't you think sex should be with someone special?

-What do you think, Ben?

-All right. No big deal, I guess.

-That is doing it my way, though. Ain't tried it yours.

-What are you talking about?

-Come on, don't tell me you ain't guessed yet.

Ben?

Well...yeah.

-You have?

-Well, yeah, everyone has. No-one says anything, that's all.

It's no big deal.

You're right, you know. I am totally hammered!

Er, not on that, you're not.

And you need to thank your lucky stars that you took the fruit punch.

The what?

If you'd lifted the proper stuff,

you wouldn't be walking straight, let alone talking straight - trust me.

Thank you.

Happy Halloween.

OK, I'm coming. I'm coming.

-No more interruptions, please.

-I'll just be five minutes.

-Syed?

-Sorry.

-PHONE RINGS

Not you as well.

It's Libby. Hello?

Amira?

OK, before you start, I'm sorry, all right?

-I didn't want to spoil your party.

-What is this?

I need to talk to you.

-You just couldn't stand it, could you?

-Sy, please.

-All of us together, you here alone?

-Amira.

Haven't we had enough upset today?

Whatever he wants, can't it just wait?

-Amira's right, this isn't the time.

-I just need a few minutes.

No, Syed. Not now. Not after everything.

It's our daughter's birthday.

Are you absolutely sure of that?

What?

So innocent, aren't you?

So sweet.

What game are you playing now?

-You're a fine one to talk about games, sweetheart.

-Christian?

-Look, I wanted to do this just you and me.

-Do what?

We'll do it like this, shall we?

-What is this?

-It's a paternity test.

Yeah. I tricked you. Went behind your back. Now, I'm not proud of that but as far as I'm concerned,

it was justified. Cos now there's proof.

-Proof of what?

-Proof that Yasmin isn't yours, all right?

She can't be. It's a medical impossibility.

Now, that test compares a strand of your hair with a strand of Yasmin's. There's no match.

-That's impossible.

-Meaning you are not the father.

Now, you can do what you want with that test, show it to who you like.

Sy, she's not yours.

Syed.

And I will not have you lied to.

Syed.

I think you should leave.

So we're supposed to take time off work,

head all the way over to Oxford...

Darren's having a meltdown, OK?

Anybody know what's happening now?

-Well, Libby wants us to go to Oxford, cos Darren's...

-With your brother and his wife, you...

Amira?

-I thought you were trying - that's what the present was for.

-The present was because I felt guilty.

OK? I woke up in the morning and I was like...

Sy, does it even matter? The test - that's what's important, surely?

You said you tricked me over that - went behind my back. Maybe you tricked me over the result.

You haven't, have you?

She really isn't mine, is she?

He's deceiving you. All of you.

I don't know what he's done or how he's done it, but it's not true.

You're my family. You said so yourself.

Yasmin is your grandchild.

You shouldn't even have to think - you should believe me 100%, no questions asked.

It's just the shock, Amira.

You don't believe me, do you?

-Maybe Oxford might be less...

-Yeah.

FRONT DOOR CLOSES

-You loved me once. At least you said you did.

-I did.

-Then you should know if I'm telling the truth.

Yasmin is yours. I don't know what he's done or how but she's yours, Syed,

and for the sake of our daughter - OUR daughter - tell me you believe me.

I want to believe you. Of course I do.

I'm looking you in the eyes, Syed.

There was no-one else.

There hasn't been anyone else since.

-Don't tell me you prefer to believe a lie on a piece of paper.

-I don't PREFER to believe anything.

He's playing you.

All of you. I don't know how, but this is a trick.

He promised me it wasn't.

He looked me in the eyes, too.

And you prefer to believe him, not me?

You're doing it again, aren't you?

All of you.

It wasn't enough to humiliate me by leaving me like that -

you want to paint me as a liar and a cheat, too.

I fell in love with a man and married him, all in good faith, and bore him a child.

That's all I've ever done.

We don't want to believe it, but...

I don't believe it.

-I don't believe you've been unfaithful.

-What are you saying - Christian falsified the test?

I don't believe that either. He's many things, but he's not a fool.

I think someone else did.

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