08/11/2011 EastEnders

Fresh air. Makes a change from the smell of stale booze.

Sorry?

Our front room, it smells like the Vic thanks to your binge last night.

I wouldn't mind if it was just me, but it can't be good for Yasmin.

Passive drinking? Are you joking, Sy? Doesn't even exist.

Anyway, I am allowed to have a blowout every now and again.

My boyfriend's wife is sleeping in the spare room.

-It's only till she finds somewhere else.

-Oh, I know.

-Do you fancy doing lunch later?

-I can't. I promised Amira I'd meet her.

-You could join us.

-Nah, that's all right. I'll see what Roxy's doing.

See you later.

Yeah, see ya.

PHONE RINGS

Hello? Amira. Give me ten.

There's someone I need to see first.

You can tidy upstairs if you want when you've finished down here. I've got three pairs of knickers

-gone missing in my bedroom!

-I want to make sure everything's OK for the social worker, that's all.

It's you she'll be judging, not the house.

I'm not taking any chances, am I?

That is disgusting.

Yeah, I know - pineapple on pizza? Makes ME feel sick.

Jack needs reminding Amy's a Mitchell, not a Branning.

Yeah, well, I'm not going to rock the boat, am I? I'm just glad to be seeing Amy.

It's good to see her with her spirits back.

What we talked about last night, have you got it sorted?

-Top of my to do list.

-Good.

Cos it's about time people round here remembered who they're dealing with.

Um... R&R for starters,

then I went to some mad little club in Bethnal Green,

had a pink ceiling, that's all I can really remember.

Don't know bout this one, think it says Tribe, is that?

Sounds like you a good night?

Yeah, it was good. I mean, what I can remember,

which probably means it was really good.

Yeah. I got some numbers off a few random blokes.

-Are you trying to make me jealous?

-Well, then, I'd have to care about what you think, Ian.

Oh, and I already know what you think cos you made that clear

when you gave me a fake engagement ring.

Ring 'em.

Ring 'em and see.

I'm not ringing anyone. Mandy, I trust you. I love you.

-Prove it. Prove you care.

-You know how much I care about you!

Not enough to buy me nice things!

-Hi.

-What do you want?

Just a quick word.

-Yeah, well, it's not a good time.

-You were upset yesterday.

-No, I weren't.

-You were.

Ben, you can trust me.

-Something happened with Christian yesterday, didn't it?

-What's he said?

-Nothing.

But I've been a doctor long enough to know when someone's hiding something.

Sometimes it's good to talk to someone.

Yeah, well, there's nothing to talk about.

Ben, it's all right. you can tell me.

Was Christian inappropriate with you?

No! Nothing happened! You've got it wrong, all right. Just leave me alone.

Mo, this turkey.

What do you reckon on that?

African Allure. Exotic, ain't it?

I don't like it. Mo, I'm worried about this turkey.

It's giving off ever so much fat.

I wish you'd stop moaning and just cook it.

You had a face on you last night and all. Maybe you need some new medication.

How many more times?

Just because I am bipolar does not mean to say

I don't have down days like everyone else around here.

I had my menus planned for the whole week then you come along

with the biggest turkey in the world and somehow talk me

into serving it as pub grub, which meant that

-I had to get up at half five this morning to start it off!

-Good girl.

It's enormous. It's not like any turkey I've ever seen before.

Big birds bring in big prices.

Remember, tell the punters if they like it I can supply for Christmas.

And for gawd's sake, paint a smile on your face!

Own it.

Own it.

Going to own it.

Own it.

Definitely going to own it.

Own it.

One big game of Monopoly to you, ain't it?

Well, makes a change from Snakes and Ladders.

When you get the full set, do you get a statue erected?

I was thinking more a water feature that illuminates up at night.

You'll be able to see it from your new flat.

It's mine, then? Thought you'd promised it to Syed's "missus".

Listen, I've already turfed out one single mother, why would I want

another one when I can have a suave and sophisticated man about town?

Although, I will be re-decorating which is, of course, going to affect the price.

Well, if your decorative taste is as bad as your cooking

I'll be wanting a big reduction.

Morning, Philip!

-How's Roxy? No hard feelings, yeah.

-Shut yer face.

Hey, maybe I should buy the Arches.

Very. cosy.

You think?

I was living in a luxury penthouse. I had everything I ever wanted.

I didn't give it all up to spend the night looking at this!

-I know what it's like having to watch someone you love be with someone else.

-Then, help me.

I want my husband back.

I want my daughter to have both her parents.

-I saw Ben Mitchell last night. He looked rather upset.

-Really?

He was running away from Christian looking very distressed.

-I tried to speak to him about it just now, but he completely shut down.

-Christian?

-Yes.

I understand Ben recently told his family that he was gay.

Never an easy thing to go through, especially when you're underage.

You going to tell me what's buggin' you, then?

-I'm fine.

-It's teachers' training day and you're sat around here moping.

Pass that spanner please.

Soon as I'm 17, I'm going to get a motor.

Get out of this place anytime I like.

Bike'll probably be cheaper.

I'm going down the gym later, if you fancy it.

How long do you reckon it'd take me to, you know, build up?

I wouldn't know, mate. I only do boxing training. You'd probably need to do more weights and cardio.

Ah, well, here's your man. Christian, Ben said he wants to bulk up a bit.

You'll give him a few tips, won't you?

Actually, Ben, can I have a word?

Straight to bed if you're ill.

I'm not THAT ill.

Ill enough to have the school call me to come and pick you up!

What's the deal? You being bullied?

No.

Course you are, everyone gets bullied.

I felt sick.

Look. Bobby, you don't have to lie to me, you know.

I'm not bothered whether you're at school or not.

Come on, let's go and put the telly on.

But you might want to jump in your bed when your dad comes home for his lunch.

Can't I just play with the ball out here?

Yeah. Course you can.

Come on, sit down.

-You been jogging?

-Yeah.

Look, Ben, I thought we should clear the air...after yesterday.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

-I know I made an idiot out of myself.

-No, you didn't.

I didn't?

Good. All right, then.

Ben. I'm your mate, all right?

But that's all I am.

You understand, don't you?

-But...

-You shouldn't have tried to kiss me.

-Why? Cos you have a boyfriend?

-No, Ben, because you're 15.

Yeah. And?

I do remember what it was like being 15, you know.

I had this games teacher, Mr Huxley.

I had a massive crush on him.

But then a couple of weeks later, this new lad starts school.

I thought I'd die every time he looked in my direction, so...

I haven't got a crush on you.

I just really, really like you.

-Ben, I'm more than twice your age.

-Yeah, but that don't matter.

-Look, it does, all right?

There are laws about this sort of thing.

I know you're going through a really confusing time.

Don't... Don't talk to me like I'm a kid, all right.

Is that the way you see me? Just a big kid with a pathetic little crush?

No. I don't think you're a kid.

I think you're a really special lad

who's just discovering who and what he is.

Look, your emotions, your hormones, they're all over the place, mate.

But you've not got to worry about this,

I'm not going to mention it to anyone, OK?

It's not always going to be like this, you know.

It does get easier.

So, you and me, we're cool?

Yeah.

All right. Listen, see you around, yeah.

You all right?

What's it to you?

It's just that I'm no fan of Christian's and I know what it's like to be humiliated by him.

He thinks he's everything.

He hurts people and there's never any consequences.

Shirl, what you got cake-wise apart from that?

This flamin' thing!

-Everything I cook on it's burnt on the outside and raw in the middle.

-You sure it's the cooker?

What you dressed up for?

Got a date with Amy. Don't you lot listen to anything I say? I need some cakes to treat her.

What you dressing up for? It won't sway the social worker. Just be yourself.

Oh, come on. I was myself and Jack managed to take her off me, didn't he?

Ahhhh!

It's all right, put it under water, quick, quick!

-Hang on, did some weird thing happen in the night where you become me and I become you?

-It's not a big deal.

You cheat on Poppy after only one day?

You? Mr "I have to wait until I feel a connection"?

Mate, respect.

-We're not high fiving.

-Oh, we are.

You dog!

-I didn't cheat on her. I just kissed her.

-True.

-So when you doing the rest?

-I'm not!

Course you are. Tell you what, I'll get Poppy out of the way for you and you can make your move on Jodie.

-She's obviously up for it.

-Do you think I should?

Why are you even asking?

She is a good kisser.

Know what's great about this?

-What?

-It's her best mate. There's no way she's going to tell her.

I always say, if you're going to be biting two cherries at the same time

make sure they're from the same stalk.

When have you ever said that?

-I always say it.

-You've never said that.

Ian's right - I'm not cut out to run this place.

Why did Phil think I could?

Here, Shirl, what would you say to having roast turkey and all the trimmings as the special of the day?

Turkey? We've only just had bonfire night, it's weeks till Christmas.

-Everybody loves it when Christmas comes early!

-No. I'm not cooking no turkey.

You don't have to. I gave Jean the biggest turkey in the world last night.

She's already cooked it. And there's more than enough for the pub.

you can have the rest at a very reasonable price.

Heads up.

-You want me to have a kick about with you?

-I'm all right.

Suit yourself.

Can I have some sweets?

No, you're ill, remember.

Just amuse yourself for a bit, yeah.

-It's empty. I seen them both go.

-Both of 'em?

-Yeah. Her and that Michael.

-Right, come on, then.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful lady called Mummy and she smelt. The end.

This just feels well wrong - her sitting over there judging me.

Just ignore her, OK? This is your time together.

Anyone can see you're the best mum in the world.

I've missed you so much, come here.

Oh, I've missed you.

Hey.

I'm all right, I'm all right. I'm fine.

Mummy is fine, isn't she, huh?

Here y'are look, what's that? Shall we show Uncle Christian?

Show Uncle Christian.

You take things for granted, don't you?

She'll be back with you in no time, OK?

-Kids should be with their mums.

-Yeah. And their dads.

Look, don't hate me

but don't you think you're getting a little bit harsh on Amira.

Do you really think she's here to cause trouble?

-Probably not.

-Good. Because listen, if you see her as competition, you're going to lose Syed.

Don't ever underestimate the love a parent has for their kid.

He said I was like a deer, which is so sweet.

Yeah, that's really sweet.

I said he was like a dog, cos he is, isn't he?

Y'know, one of those big puppy dogs with big puppy eyes and big puppy paws.

Oh, Jode, you did me a such favour setting me up with him.

Cos you know, a dog's not for Christmas, is it? It's for life.

And that's how I feel about Ant.

-Can I have her for a couple of hours this evening?

-Course you can.

I mean, at mine with Christian.

I know what you meant.

-Syed, I want you to promise me something.

-What?

When Yasmin gets older and she starts asking questions, please don't blame me.

-Blame you?

-She needs to know the truth. We were happy but Christian lured you away.

-Amira, he didn't lure me.

-He did. I know you fell in love with him,

-but he wanted you and he made sure he got you.

-Christian is not a villain.

Try telling Ben Mitchell that.

-What does that mean?

-It's just I saw Ben and Christian in the gardens talking

and when Christian left, Ben looked really upset. It probably wasn't important.

You need to get over this, Amira. Seriously.

Christian and I are together.

I'm not going to tell Yasmin any lies. I loved two people.

That's the truth. There's no heroes, no villains.

You have got to be kidding me.

You were right, OK.

It IS a real wedding, you ARE a real fiancee.

And...?

And I shouldn't have bought that cheap ring. It was me.

I was just being tight.

So, I've got you this to make up for it, OK?

Oh. Oh, it's gorgeous!

Oh, it's lovely.

I know it's bad luck for the groom to see the dress

before the wedding and all that, but it's never helped me out

in the past so I don't really care.

I just wanted to get you that.

I didn't put any thought into getting you that ring.

-I just wanted to make a gesture, show you how much I care about you.

-Oh, Ian.

-And there's more.

-Bridesmaids dresses?

No. This.

-That better be real?

-Oh, yeah, it's real, very real. And it's very, very expensive.

-Give it to me.

-No, Mandy, you need to understand first, OK,

when I say expensive, I mean very, very, very expensive.

The kind of expensive you don't put by the sink when you're doing the washing up kind of expensive.

Ian. I don't do washing up.

Ohh!

-There's your harem.

-Shut up, will ya?

-All right, girls.

-Look, Jode, it's Ant.

What are you sat here for? Waiting to be picked up?

No, thanks. I'm taken.

How about you Jodie? You taken?

-No, she's not taken, are you, Jode?

-No.

I can't believe that. What, no special bloke in your life?

Not even a mystery man?

-It's your round.

-All right, all right, no need for violence.

-Ant. come and sit here.

Well, this is nice. Isn't this nice, Jode?

Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

You know she likes looking after her granddaughter.

-I just don't like imposing.

-Yeah, right.

What?

-You're not supposed to be here!

-Why are Amira's bags packed?

-Christian, we've been through this.

-I know. I just thought...

All right, you might as well see now you're here.

Been down the Emporium, y'know, got a few bits.

Mattress is new.

I just thought if you're staying here, well,

-you can't be living out of bags.

-You did all this for me?

And Amira.

I'm sorry.

I've been behaving like a kid and I'm sorry.

It's all been about me,

my insecurities.

You've got nothing to feel insecure about.

You say that, but Amira gave you the one thing I never could.

But I'm beginning to realise that that's not such a bad thing.

Yasmin's beautiful.

You have a beautiful daughter.

I just hope that...I can be a part of her life.

A big part of her life.

That is if it's OK with you.

Of course.

I'm sorry...

..for everything.

Right, well,

you guys best get off and enjoy your lunch.

-I can finish up here.

-You should come with us.

Come on!

It's small minded and it's petty! It's pathetic, Phil!

-You just assume it's down to me, don't ya?

-Of course it's down to you.

It's got your grubby little fingerprints all over it.

I tell you what, I stick my hands up. I did it cos you annoyed me - that was Roxy's flat.

I bought that flat fair and square, all right.

I get to decide who lives there. Me, not you, not Roxy. Me.

Which means you've got some other mug lined up to pay twice as much as what Roxy was paying.

Not any old mug, this mug. I'm moving in.

-That's right. Evict a single mother so you can move your ponce in.

-Michael is not a ponce!

-Yeah, whatever you say, Janine.

-That's good actually, Phil, very droll. Leave him, Janine.

-That's right. Listen to your ponce.

-Do you know what? This isn't even about Michael or Roxy, is it?

This is about you hitting out at me over the R&R.

If you don't want me as a business partner, I will buy you out.

-Yeah? Well, I ain't selling.

-Well, neither am I! So we're stuck with each other.

And I'm not going anywhere. You're not the only one with a little bit of power around here these days.

And you don't want me as an enemy, you really don't.

I don't know about you, but I'm starving.

-Any idea how much I love you?

-Yes.

-It was wrong and it cannot happen again.

-Yeah, but suppose it's you I'm meant to be with and not Poppy?

-Well, it can't be, cos you're with Poppy.

-But I'm only just with Poppy.

-That makes no difference. Do you know what she's doing right now? She's calculating.

-What?

She's added up the letters in both your names and she's phoned up

some psychic who'll work out how many years you'll be married and how many kids you'll have.

-What? Who said anything about marriage?

-I'm such a bad friend. I hate myself.

-I'm a terrible person.

-No, you're not.

-I am.

It's no good. I'm going to have to do something.

-Like what?

-Like...

get away from here so you and Poppy can move forward together.

-Jode, don't be stupid.

-I'm not being stupid! I'm going to leave London.

Hey, is Shirley in?

-She's just on a break.

-Oh, all right.

Did you put him up to it?

Pardon?

Phil trashing my flat. It was your idea, wasn't it?

No, I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, do you know what? You are as pathetic as he is.

You've lost your man, you've lost your home, you've lost your kid.

-You're just a loser, aren't you?

-You better shut your...

You best not. Otherwise you really will blow your chance of getting little Amy back.

-What?

-What? That was a bit low.

Oh, dear, did I upset your ex?

Think about the child. She's confused. It's not funny scoring points off her.

Ah! Ow!

What you doing? Oh! Is that a tooth? I don't do teeth, I've got a thing about teeth.

Look - it's a bullet!

You busy?

Is there something you want to talk to me about?

Would you like to go into the surgery?

Oh! Look at it sparkle!

What do you want to eat?

-You own a chippy. Let's just get fish and chips.

-Bobby forgot his lunchbox.

No, he came home from school ill.

-What's wrong with him?

-Nothing. You know what kids are like.

Where is he?

Out playing.

I love the way you got my dress size right.

-That shows that you do pay attention.

-I can't see him.

And that shows that you really do care.

Bobby!

Bobby!

He's probably just playing out with his mates.

All his mates are still at school!

Bobby!

Mandy, how could you leave him out here?

He was just playing with his ball.

I used to play out all the time.

Well, I had to, really, because me mum was always on the game and I never had a key.

Woohoo!

I don't see why we have to go now.

It's all right. Trust me.

-I didn't think there was any harm in it.

-Are you serious? Do you not read the newspapers?

It's good for kids to play out. That's what my mum said.

I would not hold up your mum as a leading authority on parenting, OK?

Well, he can't have just disappeared.

Lost something, Ian?

You're...

Jane.

And I want some answers!

Taste that.

I've had six complaints. That is not turkey!

Course it is! It's just... It's organic, that's all.

It tastes different. Mmm, yummy.

-Tastes nothing like turkey!

-Your meds must be affecting your taste buds. If it ain't turkey, what is it?

-But I've had complaints!

-People always complain when the menu's different.

Just keep pushing it, there's a good girl.

-Hello.

-Hey, do you want a drink?

Yeah.

OK, what's going on? It's like the Twilight Zone over there.

-She may as well sit on your lap while you feed her chips.

-We're making an effort for Sy.

What you said, it went in.

Christian Clarke, I think you've grown up, I do.

Does that mean I have to?

I'm just happy. Really, really happy.

What's he done?

Ben hasn't done anything.

Good. Then, get out.

I'm here as a doctor

and as a father.

-Something happened to Ben last night.

-What?

-Nothing, nothing happened.

-It's all right...

-Oi, oi! Get your hands off my son.

I'm not the one you should be saying that to.

-Right, I want to know what's going on. Now, Ben!

-Mr Mitchell, Ben is frightened.

I'm not. I'm not frightened, all right.

-He touched me.

-Who?

Who!?

Christian.

He said he liked me and he...touched me.

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