11/11/2011 EastEnders

Post!

Want to see Phil Mitchell's post? Three bills.

Ian Beale's got two.

-Nonce out!

-Perv!

-Paedo!

Oi! Oi! You want me to call the police? I've seen your faces!

Ugh! They're just kids.

You all right?

No. Christian's gone. Last night.

He just left.

Syed.

Where is he? He must have told you!

I read in a posh magazine, right, that three dates is OK.

I'd say it was a bit soon if your first date was coffee, and your second was the zoo.

Cos, well, you can't really know a man on a macchiato and a monkey, can you?

But I think I know my Ant.

-What? You think it's too soon?

-Too soon.

Jode, it's our third date tonight.

I think I've spent my last night under a single duvet.

I think this is it.

Oi, how's the two-flatmate tango going?

-Jodie said she's moving out.

-Least you still got Poppy.

No! I want Jodie. You know, I'm going to have to tell her, stop her leaving.

Think you're going to have to talk to someone else on this one.

Yeah. I'll tell her it's me, not her.

Original.

And I bought new sheets. Make it special.

Plus, I ain't seen him take his to the launderette once since we moved in.

And I bought candles, you know - flattering mood lighting.

-Look. Poppy.

-Are candles too much? They are a fire hazard.

Can you please listen for a second?

Pops, I'm sorry.

I'm leaving.

Leaving?

Leaving London. I'm going tomorrow.

Lucky Phil Mitchell's getting on a bit.

At least the walls are still standing.

Christian will come back.

It's not exactly how I imagined my homecoming.

No home, no job, no family.

Would dinner with an old friend help?

KIDS SHOUT OUT

< Pervert!

Can you hear what they're calling Christian?

How can Syed stay with that animal after what he's done?

-Did you sleep?

-How could I? Wondering if Phil Mitchell will come after us next.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Wait here. Let me go.

Did you hear what they're shouting? "Perverts". They're shouting that at Syed too.

Drop the wounded princess act. You asked for this. You wanted the relationship ruined.

All I wanted was my husband back.

Then I suggest you go and get him.

Can anyone open this door?

-Tambo! Forgotten your keys again?

-Yeah.

-Welcome home!

-I left them at Darren's. What's going on next door? Is Syed OK?

Oi, oi! Paedo!

-Want me to sort them out?

-Oh, please. I've seen off tougher kids than them.

Oi! Really tough, aren't you?

Bunch of little boys pedalling back to Mummy. Get out of it!

Is anyone going to tell me how Syed is?

-Um...he's fine.

-I just delivered his post.

-You call that fine?!

-What's happened to the windows?

-Why don't you ask that brother of hers?

Zainab, Ben lied.

He admitted it last night. Christian did nothing wrong.

So why's he hiding there and bringing shame on my son?

You don't get it, do you? Christian is innocent!

And it's breaking Syed's heart that he's left him.

I hear Ben's still the talk of the Square?

How is The Littlest Homo?

Oh!

Do you know, if I were you,

I would start being a little bit nicer to me.

And if you were me, you'd know that I'm going to clump ya.

Only I've got a slight legal issue about, shall we say,

my "dining experience" yesterday.

Your turkey roast? It had a bullet in it.

And it cost me half a tooth.

Well, I'll knock the other half out for me, if you want. I don't charge.

My solicitor does, unfortunately.

And I'm going to call him if you don't foot my dental bill.

Food riddled with gunfire?!

I could have you shut down.

Where is this bullet?

You're going to have to do better than an empty threat

if you want the tooth fairy to pay out.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

That's the third time this morning.

It's probably just kids.

-Where are you going?

-Callout at the Arches.

-Well, ain't you going to speak to Ben?

Shouldn't you, uh, be getting ready for school?

Don't feel well.

The best thing to do is just get out there and face everyone, you know?

Tough it out.

Get it over with.

I said..

I don't feel well!

Thanks.

What is she doing here? And what was "Oh, Tambo!" about?

What is Jane doing here? Did you see that look she gave me?

Have you seen her in that mirror? All...hair.

Did you see the state of that flat? I hope that brother of hers is lying in a gutter somewhere.

And now she's dumping her kid on us for the day. I don't mind Kamil, but hers?

Tam, are you even listening to me? This is important.

I'm not living with My Little Pony.

This is important.

Because unless Kamil's had a growth spurt whilst we've been away and started shaving,

then a man stayed here last night.

My dad's got one like this.

Do you know, if it wasn't for Christian, Syed would have a good life. A good Muslim life. A family.

He still can. If there's one good thing to come from this, it's that he finally sees that.

Well, then, talk to him.

Tam, you'll have to talk to her.

-I've come to see Syed.

-Well, do come in(!)

Syed, are you OK? What happened with Christian?

How about I leave you to it?

Come on, sweetheart, in you come! That's it.

See, I told you your tan was the same colour as the bar, didn't I?

-Don't feel right being cold!

-I've still got my holiday feet on. I want to walk to the pool. Come on!

Should be good at walking to the bar, the amount of practice you had in Madeira!

Oh, very funny, very funny! Go on, through you go.

-Oh. It's you.

-Yeah.

Cor blimey! You expecting Hugh Hefner?

Poacher George. We've got an arrangement.

Ugh, not sure I really want to know.

He's supplies me with turkey to sell

and I supply him with a bit of old bird too.

Jean's made up some pies for here.

I thought you had more kids when you left?

-Shenice's at Tiff's. She wanted to give her her present.

-Got one for me?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we have. Hold on. You ready for a surprise?

Close your eyes.

Not one, but two. There you go.

-You shouldn't have.

-(Wish we hadn't.)

PHONE RINGS

Hello. Is that you, George?

Things are back to normal, then.

-Let's get you upstairs.

-Hold on - the holiday may not be quite over just yet.

You want to see my white bits again, do you?

-< Don't let anyone have them pies, or we're all going to jail!

-Oh, Nan! What have you done?

Come to admire your handiwork, have you?

Really nice move, that, getting the caff off me in the divorce settlement and then selling it to Phil.

I mean, that place really means something to me. Having my mum's name above it.

Ian, I still haven't shot you.

As your ex-wives go, I'm not that bad.

'Hev, I don't care whose bogs you've been scrubbing.'

When I ask you to do a shift in the caff, I expect you to turn up.

I'm sorry, Shirl. I'll do tomorrow.

I promise.

All right, Jane?

-How's Christian?

-What, apart from being nearly killed by Phil and branded a paedophile?

No, not in my books, he ain't, and I shall tell everyone the truth.

I'm really sorry you got mixed up in all of this and whatever's going on in Ben's head.

I know Christian's a good bloke.

-I want to see Ben as soon as he's out of school.

-You can't. He's not at school. He's sick.

-What, he's at home? Is he OK?

-Yeah.

OK?! He got caught up in the middle of a riot last night. Call that good parenting?

Well, if ever he needs any advice on life, he'll know where to find you, won't he?

Flogging cabbages, shovelling chips or having a mid-life crisis,

bedding the local slapper.

Hmph!

Good.

Is that what you wanted?

Do one, Janine. You've got no proof that was found in here.

Fine, I'll just have to call my lawyer.

Yeah? And I'll tell HIM to do one.

None of my staff remember anything about a broken tooth last night. You got no proof.

Tell me you got rid of the turkey?

No, not yet. Why?

They're all illegal. Poacher George is down the cop shop. He was caught nicking 'em off the Thames!

-What's a turkey doing on the Thames?

-It weren't turkey.

It was swan.

Ben told me he'd been interfered with. I had to report it.

But it was a lie.

So he changed his story. What if it changes it again? I can't move out yet.

Um...

How many people are living here?

If you're asking if I stayed here last night, the answer's yes.

-On the sofa.

-To guard the house.

You've seen next door, your mother had no choice.

I could've come back last night. You treat me like I'm Kamil! I've got a wife. I've got my own business.

-Sorry.

-Don't speak to your mother like that.

-She's not the one bringing shame on this household.

-It's a bit weird.

If there's any trouble, you're only across the Square, Dad. And if you stay, people are going to talk.

When I get here, who knows what could've happened? You think I'd put my daughter in danger?

If we need a man of the house, yeah, we've got me.

No-one else needs to stay.

Thank you, Tamwar. But your mother has made her decision.

We live under her roof and we should respect that.

I'll stay till things calm down.

His?

It's an elasticated waist.

I refuse to let you cry over a man who wears an elasticated waist.

That's what I don't get about you two. You're a businessman - brains, suits.

-He teaches step class.

-I get it, Amira. You don't like him.

Can you blame me?

Well, don't worry.

He needn't think he can come sweeping through that door and pick up where he left off. I'll give him hell.

Do you think he'll come back?

We're getting married, Amira.

Well, as soon as our divorce comes through.

Of course.

PHONE RINGS

Jode, I'm really going to miss our chats. You're so deep sometimes.

And I'll miss you. You're such a good friend. You've seen me through everything. I won't forget.

You've not been happy since Darren left, have you?

Not proper sunshine happy.

I'm fine. Promise me you'll be sunshine happy, Pops.

I will be. I'm with Ant.

I just wish I could find you someone just like him.

So, you around tonight?

No, I'm having dinner with Jane. ..What?

-Well, we all know what "dinner" means.

-She's upset about Christian.

So that's your story, is it?!

Oh, come on, look, it's time you moved on.

And the two of you, you know, you're quite good together.

Jane and I are not together, Denise.

You're not Zainab's husband any more. She'll just have to deal with it.

Oi! That's my lunch! That was my lunch!

-If you choke on that, don't expect me to save you!

-Shirley! You see that? She just ate my lunch!

-We're not finished! Those were my last carbs in Walford!

-Should have ate it quicker.

-Er, hello? My lunch?

-Is off.

-What?!

-Let's go.

Looks like food's off the lunch menu today.

-Well, we're not paying for them coffees.

-Yeah, fair enough.

-Nor us. Come on, Jode.

-Sometimes you gotta make a stand for what's right.

-Yeah. You do.

-So...

-What do you want now?

-Did you know the swans that live on the Thames belong to the Queen?

You can get up to three years for harming one.

Now would you say that swan that Mo's choking on there

has been harmed?

I mean, it would take a very good vet to bring it back to its feet.

Now...shall we talk dental fees?

Expensive, private, Harley Street dental fees.

Or shall I just call the police?

Another fake callout!

When I find out who's behind this,

I'm going to shove my phone so far down their throat, they'll be dialling 999 with their backside.

What's she want?

This isn't a library. Can you even read?

< KIDS SHOUT

Oi, stop!

Oi, I saw that! I'm going to call the police about those damn kids.

No. Not the police as well.

Zainab, you're shaking. Are you OK?

Don't worry, I'll clear this up. You should go home.

I'm fine. My shift finishes in an hour.

Well, my shift's over. I'll walk you home.

No, no, it's OK.

Zainab, I'm going to look after you.

Fine.

Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.

KNOCK AT DOOR >

I haven't come for a fight.

But I am worried about Christian.

And I'm worried about you.

So can I come in?

That was assault!

THAT was a warning.

Want to see what else I've got left? Cos I'm in the mood for smashing up some flats. How many you got left?

-Why ain't you in the caff?

-I cancelled.

If you can't be bothered to work, I can't be bothered with you.

You're sacked.

Did you...

Did you have feelings for Christian?

Is that what this is about?

Ben. It took guts, coming out, you know.

Must have been a tough task, telling your dad.

Well, he still hopes it's a phase, put it that way.

But what I don't get, what Christian doesn't get,

is...he was trying to help you.

Why would you suddenly make something like that up?

-It's because...

-What's she doing here?

Talking.

What you talking to her for?

I'm trying to help. I am family.

You shacked up with his brother once. Think that makes you family?

-Dad!

-I took Ben in, Phil, when you were too out of it to care.

I think your family's done enough interfering with my kid, don't you?

I don't need this. Look, Ben, you know where I am.

Call me if you need to talk.

If he's going to do any talking, he'll be talking to me.

Jode?

Jodie?

Jodie, you in?

Jodie?

I know why Jodie's leaving.

She told me everything.

Blimey, you're keen.

Wasn't expecting you for another five hours!

You know our dinner is the only good thing about today.

I was hoping you'd be alone.

Yeah, I am, yeah.

Mas?

Have I done something wrong?

It's not you. It's me.

I've never had a good conversation that started with those words.

It's not you. It's me.

No, it's both of us.

I never realised how Jodie felt till she told me.

You're taking this so well.

That's cos I've found the solution. Tyler!

Hang on. You want Tyler?

Me?

No - Jodie!

I never realised Jodie was so lonely, you know, missing Darren.

And here we are, flaunting our relationship in front of her and all she wants is to be loved too.

Tyler's the perfect man to do it.

Jodie and Tyler? No.

Oh, but I've already asked Tyler and he said yeah. Jodie's on her way to the Vic now.

And Tyler's going to be there, waiting to ask her out.

My family are in turmoil, Jane.

I have to put them first.

I can't go round chasing dreams for myself,

no matter how wonderful those dreams are.

And you are.

Wonderful.

You really are Mr Perfect, aren't you?

Even making rejection sound good.

Rejection? You're my best friend. I've only just got you back. I don't want to lose you.

But what kind of a man would I be, running straight to another woman

when Zainab and I are barely divorced?

Abandoning my family when they need me?

Timing never has been our strong point.

I wish...

I wish it could be different.

But it can't.

I'm so sorry.

Go on, Alf, take some for in here. Pound each, mark 'em up to a fiver. Can't say fairer than that.

Gelukkig Kerstfeest!

-That's foreign, ain't it?

-Could say they're continental...

So's the plug on these lights, you doughnut! It's two pins! What's the matter with you?!

You touch her, and I'll kill you.

Look, I'm doing you a favour, all right. She ain't never going to nick Poppy's bloke, is she?

-Girl Power and all that. This way we both score.

-Just don't, all right?

And Jodie is looking UEFA Championship level fit tonight.

-What's that then?

-Jodie.

You lucky boys! I'm not quite sure what league my flatmates are.

Johnstone's Paint Trophy, I reckon.

There you are!

-You all right?

-All right.

I'll let you know how the Jodie test drive goes.

-Attention, please!

-What are you doing?

-Never you mind.

I would like to raise a toast to this beautiful lady,

who this time last year made me the happiest man in the world.

-Didn't you get married at Christmas?

-You're killing the moment!

Yes, it was last November, ladies and gentlemen, we renewed our wedding vows.

I always reckon when you find Mrs Right, you've got to hold on to Mrs Right.

So come on, everybody, raise your glasses to my beautiful wife, Mrs Moon. Yay!

CHEERING

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Tanya!

PHONE RINGS

Christian!

Well, where are you?

You do know Poppy wants you to cop off with Tyler? You don't fancy him, do you?

Poppy's in love with you.

-It's been two days, Jode.

-And it'll be more if I leave. She's my best friend. Make her happy.

-Fancy going on somewhere later, beautiful?

-Get off her!

-Anthony!

I can't stand this any more! I've got to tell her the truth.

-You don't.

-What truth?

-Look, Poppy. I'm sorry.

-No!

I'll do it.

We kissed.

You and Tyler?

Me and Anthony.

MY Anthony?

Yeah.

Letting herself go.

He, um...

He called.

Well, where is he? What did he say?

He's not coming back.

What? Just give me the phone.

Syed. I'm sorry.

He said...

He said to say it was over.

Kamil's asleep.

Just let him rest.

I could stay overnight.

Just to make him feel safe.

No. It's crowded enough already.

Well, if you're sure you're OK. You just need to ask.

OK.

Here again, Masood?

Now that I've moved in,

we don't need you any more.

He couldn't even tell me himself! After all I gave up for him!

You didn't give up everything.

You kept the most important thing.

People who love you.

Look, I can't leave you like this.

Forget finding us a flat, Yasmin and I can move in here.

She needs you, Syed. You're the most important man in her world.

Let's go and get our daughter, bring her home.

You're not on your own.

You've got a family.

I deserve the truth, Zainab.

OK.

It was just for one night, Masood. Just one night, and he stayed on the sofa.

You moved him in?

I, um...

I understand how you must feel.

Your wife...

living with another man.

D'you know the odd thing?

I feel nothing.

Do what you want, Zainab.

Masood! I did it to protect Kamil!

Masood! Masood, I'm sorry, OK? Masood, I'm sorry! Can you tell him, please?! Yusef, I need to...

What are you doing? I need to talk to him.

You...you....

You have to leave now, OK? You have to go...NOW!

Yusef, you have to leave now!

For your reputation, yes?

Yes!

So now I shame you.

And, um...

..where was this reputation when you let me move in?

When you kissed me?

Played happy families in Pakistan?

I can't do it.

I can't just be friends.

Do you know what your precious community sees when it looks at you?

A single mother.

Two failed marriages.

An unmarried daughter on the other side of the world...

..and a gay son rutting with paedophiles.

Yusef!

You want to see shame? Look at you.

Look. LOOK!

I'm the last man

who will ever have you now.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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