21/02/2012 EastEnders

It ain't going to be silly money, mate. I don't want her topped. Just a little warning.

How about that other bloke you used to use?

Oh, is he? How long did he get?

Well, like my old dad used to say,

"If you want something done properly, do it yourself". Speak to you later.

HE CHUCKLES

-That is what I like to see - a young man working.

-My ears are ringing

with all the moaning going on. I told them, I just play the tunes, I'm not the boss.

Don't stop him! Not now he's finally got started.

Your number one moaner?

Just wind her up and watch her go.

Well, you better not miss anything at all. That is one fearsome woman.

You don't have to tell me, I used to live with the three of them.

-See you.

-See you, man.

All right, Cora, love?

I can't find mine anywhere. I've been looking for it all over the place.

As long as you didn't call Australia. Right, I'm off.

-Where you going?

-I got Amy for the afternoon.

Oh, Roxy being nice for once, is she? What's she after?

Let's not go there, eh?

Oh, let's not say nothing nasty about Roxy. It's pathetic, Jack.

Here you are, the little girl's father,

grateful for a few hours with her.

-You should show her who's boss.

-It's none of your business, is it? Just keep your nose out.

-And stay away from Roxy.

-I never had you down as a doormat, mate.

It's like all them Mitchells, wiping their dirty feet on us.

Andy! Hello, mate!

-How you doing?

-How are you? I thought you were still in the nick.

You can talk. Back door deliveries, no invoices, keep it shtum.

Should've known you'd be in the mix, eh?

Here, you might be just the man I need. Fancy a little one-off job?

For old time's sake?

Oh! I was so absorbed, I didn't hear you.

Going deaf? It's all right, I'll make my own tea.

-I would've thought you'd have had enough tea in that shop of yours.

-Don't get time for a break.

-Hmmm?

All right, stop the pantomime.

Sorry?

I can see you've had another letter. From Snugglepuss.

Sorry, didn't mean to make you jealous.

You've got to be joking! I read the last one.

I like a man who knows where to stick his apostrophes.

-That was just one letter, written in a rush.

-If you say so.

-He's got a way with words. Romantic.

-If you say so.

"You're my first thought in the morning

"and my last thought at night.

"Your lovely photo keeps me warm in my lonely bed.

"I dream of the things we are going to do with each other..."

TO each other, that's what he means.

"I think of you all day long and through the night..."

-Well, I never!

-Oh, Dot, I'm just reading...

-Yes, I heard.

-Where is it?

-Where's what?

-Your megaphone.

She's had another letter from her man friend. She reckons he's romantic.

Romantic? There's another word for that -

pornographic and in my kitchen!

He's just being affectionate.

Who is? Has he got a name?

He DOES have a name and it's a very nice one.

She needs saving from herself.

But fools despise wisdom and instruction.

-That's Proverbs - chapter 1, verse 7.

-Get away.

-All right, Alfie?

-Oh, thanks for that, sweetheart. I was away with the fairies, then.

One dark-haired, cheeky-grinned fairy in particular?

Yes. Yes, of course. And little Tommy.

Have you spoken to them today?

Yeah, there's no change. Sadly, Charlie's still the same.

He'll turn the corner and they'll be back, soon as. You'll see.

Thanks, darling.

You all right, Derek?

Alfie, we're on.

-Is she ready?

-Sorry?

-Amy.

-Good one, Jack. You can't just turn up out of the blue.

-I'm taking her to soft play.

-Says who?

-Roxy. We agreed, two o'clock.

-Well, she never said nothing.

-Amy! Come on, Daddy's here.

-She's not here, Jack. She's gone out with Roxy.

-When? Where they gone?

-When they due back?

-I don't know.

What do you want me to do? Whistle them out of thin air?

I'm getting sick of all of this.

We should be doing what's best for Amy, not scoring points against each other.

-Known Derek long?

-So, have you come far, then?

-No.

-Right.

-Thanks for the tea.

-Any time. Kettle's always on.

Bianca knows she was horrible to you yesterday.

But she is going to make it up to you.

I told her if she didn't, I'd never baby-sit again.

Be nice.

-All right, Fats?

-Yeah, cool.

Do you want to sit down?

-So, did last night go well?

-Yeah, it was bubbling.

-You had a good time, then?

Yeah, man, defo. It was heavy, it was heavy.

-I bet you were well happy.

-Yeah, man. Yeah.

Well, anyway, we better get off cos Bianca did say three.

Oh. So, you going to get the third degree, then, yeah?

-I had that yesterday.

-Oh.

-We were just going to, erm...

-Tea with the kids.

Tiff and Morgan?

Oh, man, they are going to eat you up and spit you out, man. Good luck.

-All right?

-All right.

Cheer up, mate.

I'm all right, man.

-Must be tough, eh?

-It's OK, man. It's OK.

You know, it's a big day. Whit's showing him off to the family.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah. You know, kind of makes them...

-Like an item.

-Yeah.

Like... Like family.

That's important, isn't it?

Aye, aye. Thought you were playing daddies today?

No, in a bit. I might even pick her up tomorrow.

-Slam the door in your face, did she?

-No, nothing like that.

Yeah. Yes, she did. I'm telling you, they're having a laugh.

-They're showing you who's boss.

-Jack! Jack!

-This should be interesting.

-Thought you'd forgotten.

I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I thought we'd be back ages ago.

-It's all right, it's all right.

-Only a wasted afternoon.

-No. Still got an hour, ain't we, sweetheart?

-Jack, I'm sorry, OK?

It's all right. Say goodbye.

-Bye, gorgeous! Bye, baby!

-Bye.

-Have fun!

He's too soft.

He's a good dad.

Dads should be strong.

See you.

Will you just relax? I said everything I needed to say yesterday.

-Pancakes!

-Pancakes!

-Yay! Pancakes!

-I'm not making pancakes.

-Miss said everyone had to make pancakes today.

-Well, Miss can come and make them herself.

-B!

-Nana Pat made them last year.

-Yeah, when you were in prison.

All right. Well, I'll go and buy a box of mix.

I can make pancakes.

Yeah, don't need no mix. Eggs, flour, bit a milk.

Old man's speciality.

-What's he doing here?

-He's come to...

-Make pancakes.

Yeah! Isn't that nice of him?

-Where's Fatboy?

-Well, she dumped him, didn't she?

Now, they're in love!

THEY WRETCH

THEY LAUGH

Now, look, if you're going to do the business properly on your own,

you've got to know your product.

It looks all right. Nice and clear.

Whoa, bit of the good stuff, that.

-It's all right, isn't it?

-Nothing wrong with that.

Time to man up.

-Come on, you've got to make a call.

-Oh, I don't know, sweetheart. I mean, Derek's a Branning...

Derek is nothing! He's nothing. He's all mouth and no trousers.

-He is making a packet off of you whilst you do all the hard work.

-Yes, I know but...

Never mind the buts, OK?

He is creaming off the profits, whilst you take all the risks,

whilst you do all the hard work. I bet he didn't unload no crates, did he?

If it all goes wrong, he'll disappear and who'll get done?

-You are.

-You didn't see the bloke who was delivering the stuff, Rox.

Looked a right psycho, didn't he, Alfie?

-You're scared of your own shadows.

-No. These are real, dead hard people.

-Oh, whatever.

-Have you blocked your number?

-Course I have. Shut up!

Straight to voicemail.

It's all right, you needn't think I'm giving up.

Thin is best for eating, but thick is best for tossing.

-I want a go! I want a go!

-Do a thick one first, then.

-I'm going first.

-No, I am!

-Oi, you can both have a go.

30p for a mingey little thing like that. Good job it's only once a year.

-Right, stand back. Stand back.

-Go on, then.

-One , two, three!

THEY CHEER

-He's good, ain't he, Mum?

-Yes, he's a very good pancake maker.

-Right, my turn. Give us a go.

-Mum!

-I want a go.

Out the way, you kids, it's my go, Whitney.

Wa-hay! Wa-hay!

You must have something to hide

if you won't tell us the name of this here Snugglepuss.

Why should I? You're not my mother, Dorothy.

Don't you "Dorothy" me. You're a guest in a Christian household

-and you will respect my wishes.

-So rude.

You're very stubborn and foolish, Rose Elizabeth.

-I'm not listening!

-Are you going to tell us who he is?

Actually, no, I'm not.

-(Look in her bag.)

-I will not!

-Pass it over here. Give it to me.

-You see, one goes astray and the rest of us follow,

like sheep. We have all gone astray.

-Jean, you seen Alfie?

-He's in the barrel store sorting a delivery.

Alfie's here. How are you, buddy? Jean, sort Billy out a whiskey.

-I think he's earned it.

-I wish I knew what you two were up to.

-It's nothing. What is it?

-No, it's all right, don't worry.

-Come on. What is it?

-Well, it's Amira. Well, it's me and Amira.

-You and Amira?

-Cat and the cream.

-I thought I'd introduce her to the family, starting with you.

-Oh, that's nice!

-Why? He knows her already, don't he?

-He means properly.

-Not now, obviously, with Kat away.

-That's fine.

It's just what you need. It's just what the doctor ordered. I'll cook a nice dinner.

-I only meant a drink.

-No, a proper sit-down, nice dinner.

-Well, I'll have to call...

-One of my roasts. They're famous.

-That might be...

-You know it has to be "Alhal" meat. You can't give them pork and that.

I'm not an idiot, Billy. You give her a call.

I'll go down to the butchers cos it needs to be in the oven now to slow roast. Eight?

-7.30?

-No, make it eight. I need to get Shenice to bed.

-Eight, it is!

Sorry, I only meant a drink. You know what she's like with her ideas.

No, no, no, she does that. Actually, I think dinner tonight...

Yeah, job on. Yeah, sounds nice, that.

Derek, stop turning the place over.

-You're not going to find the phone, we've looked.

-It's got to be here somewhere.

Amy get safely back with her mother, did she?

Roxy's working. She's with Shirley.

It's pillar to post for that poor little girl, isn't it?

Del, don't start, all right? Cos I'm finding all this family stuff a bit odd,

coming from you.

I'm coming on too strong, ain't I?

I'm sorry. It's only that you're my little brother and all I want to do is...

Get your coat on. I want to show you something.

What? Derek, I've just got in.

Get you coat on. Come on, do as you're told.

HE SIGHS

What's the matter with you? Someone scare you?

If you ever hear me talking about having a kid, kill me.

Can I get a pint, please?

-You got a new bird?

-Whit, yeah.

-Anthony and Amira are coming for dinner. You two should come.

I don't know. Me and Anthony ain't getting on.

Then, this is your chance to make peace.

You do not want to miss the world famous Jean's Pan Asian Roast.

Once in a lifetime, young man.

-Scotch, no ice.

-Here, Mikey, you're a Moon with a new bird.

We're having a family get-together, tonight, if you fancy.

Alfie, Anthony and Amira, Tyler and Whitney and you and me.

That's a full table already.

-You've already invited everyone else. We're an afterthought?

-So, you won't be coming?

-No, you're all right, Jean.

-No, we'll be there.

It sounds like you're going to have a really good night tonight and I wish I was coming.

Hey, what's the problem?

-Janine.

-Right.

-Oh, go on. It'll do her good.

-You leave him alone.

He's come round here for his dinner, not to be pushed around.

-That all right, Arthur?

-It's dynamite, Mrs B.

She can always say no. It could be your good deed for the day.

All right. Well, I suppose so.

Rose! I'm going to the Queen Vic. You don't want to come, do you?

How could she refuse such a gracious request?

Go and ask her properly. Nicely.

I hope you ain't getting her out the house so you can go on with your poking and prying.

I'll do her bedroom.

Under protest.

-You see that little girl over there? The one with the furry collar?

-Yeah.

She...

She's my daughter.

-My kid. Chrissy.

-You having a laugh?

Derek?

-Why weren't we told about this?

-What's there to tell?

I could go over there now and she wouldn't know me from Adam.

That's what could happen to you and Amy, Jack,

if you don't do something fast.

I trusted her mother and she froze me out.

She never brought her to see me when I was inside once. Not once.

That's why I come here and...

Well, now, Arthur.

Last night wasn't a disaster,

-despite the fact that you and your pals organised it.

-Yeah, it was popping off.

-I heard the drinks were one step away from antifreeze.

-Two steps. Same deal next week?

-What? Manic Mondays?

-Yeah, make it a regular thing.

-Yeah, all right. That sounds heavy.

-I went to work this morning,

there was sick all over the streets. Revolting.

Oh, well, what can I say? It's a sick society.

Did I just hear that right? I got a regular gig! Ha-ha-ha!

-Let's do this!

-Fandabidozi!

Cora! Cora! If I'm going to search her bedroom,

I need someone on the door keeping cavey.

-I've only just started in here.

-Well, I'll slide the bolt.

What you going to do when she comes back and finds it bolted?

-Well, I'll say I heard someone in the garden.

-Good, good.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive.

-Get on with it, girl!

-All right.

-Ta-da!

-Wow, good girl! Look at this!

-I hope it'll be all right.

-Yes, it's a proper bit of lamb, this. It's halal, by the way.

Right. First for Miss Whitney. Let's get some on there like that.

-Oh, thanks, Alfie.

-A few little spuds, as well.

-Oh, look at that, eh? How's that?

-Oh, well, the proof of the pudding and all that.

What you talking about? You're the best cook in London, darling. Make no mistake.

And now for the delectable Amira. Here we go. Let's get some spuds.

Oh, no, thank you. That's way too much. Just half of that and no potatoes.

-You're joking?

-We were always told it was manners not to make a fuss.

-Since when did you know anything about manners?

-Behave.

-What about the fat?

-Oh, no. Thank you.

My princess has got the appetite of a little bird.

Hey! You all right, Rox? Everything all right downstairs?

Fine. Patrick's just turned up for his shift. That all right?

-Yeah. Fancy coming up and joining us?

-Really?

-Want a drink?

-Yeah, I don't see why not.

-Tracey can manage without me, can't she?

-Lovely.

Right, spuds for you, Janine?

No, not for me. Cholesterol and hips and all that.

-What is it with you women? This is great food.

-It's just about moderation.

It's just about having no life.

-That's a nice necklace, Amira. Did you get it out of a cracker?

-It was a gift.

-From herself to herself.

-No, it was actually from a really good...

Jean, this food is lovely. Let's get it on the plates, Alfie!

-Remember your manners, mate.

-I'm starving here, ain't I?

Tell you what, why don't we just get for the Moon family one big trough?

OK. Right, who doesn't want spuds? Put your hands up.

-Why didn't you tell us?

-Oh, I don't know. Ashamed, I suppose.

I look at the relationships that you and Max have got with your kids.

Yeah, of sorts.

At least they know who their dads are.

I suppose you're right.

But listen, it ain't too late for you and Chrissy.

She's had enough upset in her little life.

Enough let downs. Wouldn't be fair.

That's why I get so upset about you and Amy, I suppose.

What a mess.

It don't have to be, Jack.

You don't have to go through this on your own. You've got me here.

I'll always have your back.

Always.

Hey, Rose, when I finish, I'll walk you home.

-We're going to go get some chips if you're up for it?

-Yeah, man.

I'll have a bottle a rum to wash them down, too.

Rum and chips. How exotic!

Don't worry, old girl, we know how to treat a lady.

-Quiet in here tonight, isn't it?

-Not upstairs, it isn't.

Oi. Derek's got a message.

Well, it's winding down upstairs now. Nearly over.

-What?

-Derek's got a message.

-What?

-Roxy, that's phone hacking!

Stop it!

MESSAGE: 'Derek. It's Tone. My driver left half the order at the warehouse.

'Can't get the staff. We'll get it to you tomorrow at one. Any probs, give us a bell.'

What a result! Half the order!

It's half the order! Now, all we've got to do is...

-Don't do that!

-What you doing? Rox!

-I've deleted it.

-Oh, brilliant(!)

We don't need to bother Derek with the details, do we?

We will just take the stuff off their hands

and explain to the very nice man that he's dealing with us now.

And it'll be, "Derek? Derek who?"

-Erm, aren't you forgetting someone?

-Amira, you haven't had one.

-Thank you.

OK, as lovely as this has been, some of us have got to be up

bright and early for breakfast meetings.

I miss early mornings. Models booking beauty treatments before shooting,

-the car picking me up at dawn.

-It's all worth it for the joy of being a mum, isn't it?

-And not being a slave to the pay packet has its consolations.

-Yeah.

If only I could think of some. Not that I don't love working here cos I do.

-If you can afford a necklace like that, you don't have to worry about pay packets.

-I wish. It was a gift.

You're making out he gave it to you? You trying to make my girlfriend jealous?

Tell you what, why don't we retire to the kitchen?

Do the washing up, leave the ladies here to gossip. Come on, let's go.

Andy? It's me. You up for a meet?

Yeah, that little job I mentioned.

All right, where are you? Right, stay there. I'll be five minutes.

That necklace was our stock, half mine.

-He's told me she bought it off him, but he's given it to her.

-Leave it!

-No, you lied!

Only way you could get her to look at you? She's a gold digger.

-You're a liar.

-Enough! You take Amira home, you do the clearing up.

-No, I'm sick...!

Woah, come on, now! Let's not end another perfect evening with another Moon dust up.

-Relax, now.

-Right, you - take Amira home.

Move on, let it go.

-Just make sure she gets the message.

-Which is?

The kid's a Branning and it belongs with its father.

-What, you doing it for free?

-I just don't want to end up back inside

before they've even swept out my cell.

I'll think about it. I'll let you know.

I've been waiting for this moment all evening.

-Er, Anthony, no. I'm sorry, no.

-What's wrong?

-You know I want to.

-Then, why not?

-It means so much to me.

It means the world to me, too.

-But to me, Anthony. To me, in my position...

-I know.

I'm sorry.

Your family and mine, we're just so different.

Look, tonight was a mistake.

-I should've never taken you.

-It's not tonight. It's not just your family. It's everything.

We're just so different.

Are you finishing with me? Cos that'd be mad.

-We haven't even got started yet.

-No, no.

It's not that. I just... I like you. I like hanging out with you but...

..what we have is so difficult.

I just don't want it to go wrong.

And it won't. I promise.

Not here, babe.

Not now.

You are terrible! You are terrible! I'm telling you.

I didn't even know you could drink that much!

THEY GIGGLE

Oh! Oh! They're here. Here they are.

What are you looking so po-faced about?

My letters! You've been rummaging through my drawers,

you naughty, chapel-going person, you.

I ain't chapel, I'm church. Look at the state of her!

We were vacuuming and the nozzle knocked the top off your shoe box.

You're a fibber!

Look at that nose! Longer, longer, longer.

-How much has she had, Patrick?

-I think you better be going.

-I think so, I think so.

-Colin Bredell.

-Who?

-Colin Bredell!

-Your Mr Snugglepuss.

Now, we know why you didn't want to tell us his real name.

So, you got me bang to rights!

My darling Snugglepuss is serving a life sentence in prison.

She's given her heart to a cold-blooded murderer.

He's never said why he's in that awful place.

He's serving life! What else could he have done?

Hardly pinched a pint of milk off a doorstep.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd