27/02/2012 EastEnders


27/02/2012

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ALFIE: 'You see, the thing is, poker, it isn't really about cards.

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'It's not about the size of your chip stack either.

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'And when you're playing, everyone, and I mean everyone, is your enemy.

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'You can't give them anything.

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'It's you, on your own, against the world.

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'And believe me, you have to win at all costs.

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'Whatever it takes.

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'There we have it.' Five dollars! Come on, Alfie!

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Mr High Roller comes home to roost. Well done, sister.

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Oh, we're all winners.

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Me with my scratchcards, you with your poker.

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Here, this'll help the toothache.

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But, Jean, five dollars isn't going to go far.

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It's what you can do with it, Alfie, you being such a good poker player.

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All right, sweetie, yeah?

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This yours? Well, little Amy's?

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I'm sure you don't need a little cup anymore, hmm?

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Jack.

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-Anger ain't good for the soul, mate.

-You ain't good for the soul.

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-Hev, here.

-Oh.

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-There you go.

-Oh, thank you.

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What's all that for?

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Ah, bridesmaid dresses, can't decide on a colour, though.

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Mrs Branning reckons maybe salmon pink

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but I don't know if I like salmon pink. What do you reckon?

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It was just a scenario that didn't go our way, eh?

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-No-one got hurt, nothing got damaged.

-Leave it, Derek, yeah?

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-Oh, he's in the know now, is he?

-Come on, Jack.

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-It don't matter.

-What d'you mean, don't matter?

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If he says it don't matter, it don't.

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Let's stop the arguing. It's done with, dusted.

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I know you're busy but I'm at a bit of a loss.

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I was wondering if you could help me pick my colours for my brides...

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Don't worry. Come on, keep going forward, keep going forward.

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-I'm doing my coursework!

-You'll be all right.

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-Dad!

-Sorry.

-Where we going?

-Go on, open 'em.

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-What? I don't see anything.

-Keep looking. Just keep looking.

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I'm sure it's going to be around here somewhere

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if you look quite closely.

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-This?

-Yeah.

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Oh, Ian.

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I couldn't resist it.

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Oh, you shouldn't have.

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Yeah, you're telling me.

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Come here, you.

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Thank you.

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Come on.

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Pick a card.

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-Shouldn't you be getting back to work?

-Just pick a card.

-Why?

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Cos if you pick a queen,

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then we spend the rest of the day in bed together.

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-Come on.

-I've got to get to the club. We're opening early today.

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Just give it to Fat Boy, throw him some money.

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C'mon. One in 13 chance, let's go, let's go.

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-Yeah.

-Oh.

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Ten of diamonds.

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Really?

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You can't win 'em all, babe.

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So, I'm thinking, maybe take the night off, game of cards.

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-All right. Sure, man.

-£20 in, if that's not too rich.

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Ooh. If you want to lose your money, then go right ahead.

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Jean, listen to this talk, eh?!

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I'm liking this bloke more and more, I am.

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-Alfie's very good, you know.

-Oh, yeah? Me too.

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Oh, right.

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So, who else am I going to be taking money off, huh?

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Main thing you get with this motor is reliability.

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It's a diesel, engine's going to run forever,

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it's got a full service history.

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Yeah, it's got full service history.

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Here, take it for a test drive, yeah?

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Dough?

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What, as in deer? Why don't I write you a cheque instead?

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At least then we could make some of this dodgy vodka

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(at least seem legal.)

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-And why don't you be a good, little girl, hmm?

-Huh.

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We want things to run smooth while Phil's away.

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-Ain't that right, Bill?

-Oh, we do?

-Like a pearl.

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Thank you. We'll make a necklace at this rate.

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Oi.

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That is not a man you want to be messing with.

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Course he is. You all are. You men.

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Oh, I have got years of payback in me.

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Check this out, we have gone viral.

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So, I put all the info into the My Mate Gate, all right.

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Put all the links about the cheap booze and cheap entry,

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and look at the hits I got! Go on, count 'em.

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-You don't have to count them, there's a little thing.

-That's almost 200.

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-Yeah, I know. And rising.

-D'you know, I love drunken wasters

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more than anything in the world.

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FAT BOY AND JANINE LAUGH

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Me too.

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-So you got lucky that time.

-Sorry?

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Sold that car.

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Oh, it's you. I didn't recognise you with your clothes on.

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You're still there? You're still at Phil's. I suppose you would be.

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Shouldn't you be looking after Amy?

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Bet you couldn't sleep last couple of nights. Half expecting a knock at my door.

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No offence, I don't like eating off my brother's plate.

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Anyway, I got steak indoors. Don't need to go out for a burger, do I?

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-TANYA LAUGHS

-So, he was looking in a compact, seriously?

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Yeah, yeah, he'll be plucking his eyebrows next, won't he? Ha-ha.

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Listen, you'd better get back to the salon,

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-I need to get to the gym.

-Do you fancy having dinner with us tonight?

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Sorry, he can't, we're busy.

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-Oh, yeah, since when?

-You're celebrating.

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-Don't know that Jack's in the mood.

-I've had a good morning,

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-got some money. Alfie's running a poker night tonight and we're going.

-Yeah, well, no thanks.

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Got to go home, I've got things on my mind.

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Want to put my feet up, have a think.

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It's the weirdest thing. Thought I heard a woman's voice come out of your mouth.

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-Less of the sexism.

-Sexism?

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Just another word for do as you're told.

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Oi. I said no, didn't I?

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So, what d'you want, a little bra?

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Get you a little bra, little dress. Suit you.

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I ain't a woman.

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So, prove it.

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Yeah, I know. I can't believe how much he paid for it.

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Thank you.

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And where are you going?

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Out. Out to show off my new bracelet.

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To who?

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What?

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Well, it's not like you've got any friends.

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Look who's pressed the reset button, eh?

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What is the matter with it? I have to ring someone to fix it.

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Hey, what's up with you?

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You could turn a beer sour with a look like that. Ha-ha.

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Thank you. So many charming men around these days, aren't there?

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Oh, Rox, I'm only having a laugh. Just winding you up, come on.

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Come on, gimme... Come on, let's turn that frown into a smile.

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That's the one, you see.

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Now, you could sell toothpaste to the toothless, you could.

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Come on. This ain't like you.

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Alfie!

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-What?

-That is not on!

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What you...? Oh, Jean, don't be so stupid!

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I'm just giving Peroxide a pep talk. As if I'd come on to one of my mates.

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-What's the matter with you?

-Sorry, must've been the angles or the light.

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Course it was, what's the matter with you? You should be so lucky, eh?

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MUSIC: "Manic Monday" by The Bangles

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-Oh, here we go.

-Come on, boys.

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Oi, oi, lads!

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Oi, oi, boys.

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I want to know where she goes, what she does and who's she with.

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Look, you know how I feel about this.

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-Get someone else to do it.

-Well, I can't, can I?

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Got to keep it in the family, people I trust.

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Please, Ben.

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All right.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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-Why don't you go bother someone else?

-You seeing Phil today?

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You know I'm not.

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Poor Shirley. Looks like you could do with some company then.

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Ah. I'm good as I am, thanks.

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-Some people might call that breaking and entering.

-Arrest me.

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HEAVY BASS PLAYS

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Oi! Get out the way!

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Show some respect!

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The date for the Plea and Directions hearing has been set.

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We're expecting a big turnout.

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A lot of people'll be looking forward to Phil being banged up.

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-We should probably sell tickets.

-Why didn't you send a letter?

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You know, just something I wanted to add. That little personal touch.

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You're so thoughtful.

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D'you know, you'll be sitting here for the next 20 or 30 years

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with your cup of tea and your fag.

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And one day, there'll be a call

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and it'll be someone telling you

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your old man's just died in his sleep.

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Nice and peaceful, lying on his bunk,

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little vessel burst in his heart.

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He opened his eyes one last time,

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looked around and thought, "This is no place for a man like me to die."

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But he dies anyway.

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You know, I always imagined him in one of those Essex mansions.

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In-out driveway, heated pool.

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When you think about it, he's just a little man in a little house.

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So, you got in touch with yourself yet?

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Don't get it, do you, Max?

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A few days ago, I was a dad. Then I realised I didn't deserve to be one.

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Bruv, there's two ways you can go on this.

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One, you sink into a pit of blackness.

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Or, two, you get a flaming grip.

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And that's it, that's your options.

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So, what's it to be?

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Pit of blackness or fun with your brother?

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I'll see you at the Vic, yeah?

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Well, that wasn't so hard, was it? See, don't need Tanya's cooking.

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Steak or burger, you're still looking.

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So, you know what's in my head, do you?

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It's not what's going on in your head that you listen to, is it?

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All you did, Roxy, was give me a nice, little memory.

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Nice, perky, well-formed, little memory.

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-I've got plenty of those.

-Not with my name on it.

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Why don't you face facts?

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You took a shot at the title and you lost.

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Hmm.

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Yeah, count me in, count me in.

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Yeah, because I've got...

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Yeah, I'm telling you, I'm world-class though, warning you.

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You've seen my poker face, ain't you?

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I've just cut my finger, I'm looking for a plaster.

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Yeah. Where and when, then? What's the...?

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What's the...the deal?

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Tell you what, let's do, let's go for 50. 50, yeah, yeah.

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Let's be men about it.

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-Shirl!

-Not now, Hev.

-But it's...

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Marsden, she's bang out of order, I'm going to get her.

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-Can't it wait? We've got that maid of honour talk.

-Well, walk and talk.

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-Yeah, but...

-Hev, I'm walking but you're not talking.

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Oh, look, I can't decide on the colour.

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What colour suits you best?

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-Black.

-Oh.

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-Ben.

-No, I'm Jay, remember.

-Where is he?

-I don't know.

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-Then go and find him.

-I'm working at the moment.

-Now!

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All right, all right.

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You're going to wish you had talked some sense into Ben.

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What's Ben done now? Shirl?

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Shirl? Shirl!

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Oi! What you doing? Don't you cheek me.

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Go on, the lot of you!

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HEAVY BASS PLAYS

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You don't mind Amy being upstairs?

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Course not. Shenice loves hanging out with her, anyway.

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OK, fine. Look...

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OK, can you...? Don't tell Jack that she's up there, OK?

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It's a little bit sensitive at the moment.

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All right. Lips are sealed, all right.

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-Thank you. Appreciate it.

-No problem, darling. It's all right.

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Oh, 50 quid, eh? Big boy.

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Going to get rich, baby.

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Nice dream but I can see you crying all the way home to Janine.

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Doubt it.

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You want to be careful, Michael. I've seen Alfie play.

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-He's amazing.

-Like you'd know anything, though, Jean.

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No, I have seen him playing.

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And you've also seen little green men.

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Ah, Michael.

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Oh, come on, don't be that way. Jean.

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How about this? Look, pick a queen.

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Come on, pick a queen. We can be mates again.

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Go on.

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-And what if I don't pick a queen?

-Go on, indulge me.

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Come on, Jean.

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Bet you can't.

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-Go on, Jean.

-There's a lot at stake.

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Oh! What've you got?

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-Queen!

-Woo!

-Yeah!

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That's it, the luck is with us.

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So, about this game. No Derek.

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Cos I want to enjoy myself.

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Sometimes I look at that bloke

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and I think I'm staring into the abyss.

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All right, chaps?

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Heard there was a poker game.

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That's Mandy going into the pawn shop.

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With the bracelet.

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And that's her coming out.

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-No bracelet.

-She sold it?

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Well, must have.

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Ben, you're the business. Text me the photos, yeah?

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I had a message for you. But Shirley can come tell you herself.

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-Cos I've done my bit.

-What's the message?

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You'll have to find out for yourself, wont you?

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I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, though.

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This is not on, Patrick, we're not having it.

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Yeah, but look at the prices.

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Yeah, yeah, it's outrageous, that's what it is.

0:17:280:17:31

You know anyone with a good camera?

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Oh, c'mon, Luce, you got to cut loose. Get it? Loose Luce.

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Passed Roxy on the way in.

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Jean had to go and do something with her camera.

0:17:440:17:47

I just needed cover. She'll be back soon to sort out drinks up here.

0:17:470:17:51

-So does that mean Amy's here?

-No, no, she's with...

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No offence, Michael, but tonight, I'm going to eviscerate you.

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-Big talk.

-I'm going to gut you too.

-That's charming.

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And you, well, you lost already.

0:18:030:18:06

Oi, it's supposed to be a laugh, this is.

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Not like a scene from Gladiator.

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Good, cos tonight, I'm about to unleash hell.

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Oh, come on, your faces, eh? Your sad, frightened faces.

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I'm here to have fun as well.

0:18:190:18:21

-Yeah, really cheery, Derek.

-Ladies, come on, please.

0:18:210:18:23

Come on, boys, you lot should be like me. A ray of sunshine.

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No, no. For you, mate, darkness falls.

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Tonight is the night that your lights go out.

0:18:310:18:34

-Leave it out, come on.

-Come on, it's banter. It's just a bit of banter.

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Here we go, shuffle up and deal now, all right?

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Come on, Jack, lighten up. You're with the boys now.

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The outside world don't exist.

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Well, how come I can hear In The Night Garden?

0:18:480:18:50

MUSIC: "In The Night Garden Theme" He's right, that is In The Night Garden.

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How do you know what it is?

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-It's a parent's duty to watch.

-Igglepiggle.

-Upsy Daisy.

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Yeah, it's Amy's favourite show. She loves watching it.

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You sure she ain't here?

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What? No. Jack, no. That's just Shenice.

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Boys, boys, boys. Igglepiggle's dead.

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-Let's play cards.

-Right.

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I'll be there when I can, Lauren.

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-Promise.

-Thank you.

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-What?

-You're not wearing your bracelet.

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-Don't you like it?

-I'll have it if you don't want it.

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If you want to go get it.

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MUSIC: "Louder" by DJ Fresh

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-So, this is what you wanted then?

-Make it cheap and they will come.

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-PHONE RINGS

-Sorry.

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Hello? Yeah, speaking.

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Lauren? How'd you get this number?

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-Shirley.

-It's about time.

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-Right, what've I done?

-Look, Ben, you've got to start coming good.

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He's about to go down. You got to start remembering who he is

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and what he's done for you.

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He's your dad! You owe him.

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I mean it. You got to tell the police you were lying.

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I ain't doing it.

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You what? You what?!

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-You heard.

-How can you do this to him?

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To us?

0:20:430:20:44

OK, Ben. It's plain and simple.

0:20:460:20:49

You do as I say or I'll slice your guts seven times till Sunday.

0:20:490:20:52

-Here we go again.

-Are you hearing me? I won't be looking after you!

0:20:520:20:56

You'll be on your own!

0:20:560:20:58

Ben? You all right?

0:21:000:21:03

-What's she doing here?

-I thought Jean was going to be here.

-She's not.

0:21:190:21:23

No offence, I'm out of here.

0:21:230:21:24

-Fellas, it's just drinks. That's all.

-Don't go just cos of her.

0:21:240:21:27

I'd rather not be doing this, but there you go.

0:21:270:21:31

Yours is a steak, Max, isn't it?

0:21:310:21:34

-What's she going on about?

-Dozy blonde.

0:21:350:21:38

You reckon, Derek, yeah?

0:21:380:21:40

-All the evidence points that way.

-Don't start, Derek.

0:21:400:21:42

-You heard her, Del.

-What's it to you?

-We don't need this, do we?

0:21:420:21:46

-Since when are you calling the shots?

-Can we just play cards?

0:21:460:21:48

Woah, ladies, please.

0:21:480:21:50

Look at that. My luck's just changed.

0:21:550:21:57

All in.

0:21:590:22:00

Aye, aye, here we go.

0:22:010:22:03

So, what's brought this on?

0:22:040:22:05

Just fancy getting away for a bit. You know, be nice to see Jane.

0:22:050:22:09

-Now?

-Yeah, what about school?

-Yeah, she's got a point.

0:22:090:22:14

Look, I just need to get away for a bit, all right.

0:22:140:22:17

There's too much going on here and I can't concentrate.

0:22:180:22:20

OK, I'll give you a lift. And when I get back,

0:22:200:22:23

we'll have a think about where you lost that bracelet.

0:22:230:22:26

Yeah, I don't know, you know. I think it might've been nicked.

0:22:260:22:30

All right, see you in a bit.

0:22:300:22:32

Thieves. I hate 'em. I hate 'em more than anything.

0:22:320:22:37

PHONE BEEPS

0:22:370:22:38

Gotcha.

0:22:490:22:51

Read 'em and weep.

0:22:560:22:57

Oh, come to poppa.

0:22:590:23:01

DEREK CHUCKLES

0:23:010:23:03

Here lies Michael Moon, born to lose.

0:23:030:23:05

Janine'll just have to reimburse you, mate, eh? She's got plenty.

0:23:050:23:09

Course she has. That's the only reason he's with her, innit?

0:23:090:23:12

This boy don't do love, do you, Michael?

0:23:120:23:15

Whatever.

0:23:150:23:16

Come on, Jack, you're throwing your money away.

0:23:200:23:23

-Don't even want to be here, do I?

-Jack.

0:23:230:23:25

-I knew she was here. I knew it.

-Roxy didn't want to upset you.

-No, this out of order!

0:23:250:23:30

Calm down. You don't want to upset her, do you?

0:23:300:23:32

-Come on, where's Shenice?

-That's your little girl?

0:23:320:23:36

Look, why don't we just call it quits, yeah?

0:23:360:23:39

-Let's do this another night.

-No, I tell you what,

0:23:390:23:42

how about we up the stakes, eh?

0:23:420:23:46

-Not for me. I'm done.

-Hang on, who's the woman now, Max, eh?

0:23:460:23:49

Who's wearing the bra?

0:23:490:23:51

That's very amusing. I like that.

0:23:510:23:54

Well, then, 500 to you, Mr Sunshine.

0:23:540:23:59

I want photos of everything.

0:24:100:24:12

Yeah, exhibit A to V.

0:24:120:24:15

Lauren, shut the door.

0:24:210:24:22

Cannot believe the oldies were so blind.

0:24:220:24:25

Are you blind? This ain't the R & R.

0:24:250:24:27

-Yeah. But there's a way in through here.

-What was all that about?

0:24:270:24:30

Don't know, don't really care.

0:24:300:24:33

That's a fire exit.

0:24:330:24:35

Is it?

0:24:350:24:36

Hang on girls, that's a fiver each. Come on.

0:24:380:24:40

I don't think so.

0:24:400:24:41

Oi!

0:24:430:24:44

MUSIC: "Mama Do The Hump" by Rizzle Kicks

0:24:440:24:47

Almost had you.

0:25:100:25:13

Did you like my little set-up?

0:25:130:25:16

Knew you'd take the bait and go after Ben.

0:25:160:25:19

-I've got no idea what you're talking about.

-Hmm.

0:25:190:25:23

Anyway, Ben's off on a little break now.

0:25:230:25:27

I asked him why he wouldn't shop you.

0:25:270:25:28

Shame.

0:25:300:25:32

I mean, come on, intimidating a witness, Shirley.

0:25:320:25:36

Are we getting desperate?

0:25:360:25:37

I ain't done nothing.

0:25:370:25:39

You try anything like that again and you'll be tossed in a cell.

0:25:390:25:44

Just like your old man.

0:25:440:25:47

So much for my money-making scheme, eh?

0:26:090:26:12

Yeah, well, it's a bit difficult for me to concentrate.

0:26:120:26:15

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I'm sorry.

0:26:150:26:17

Listen, while you're here, mate, why don't...?

0:26:170:26:19

She ain't my daughter, Alfie. Is she?

0:26:190:26:21

Oi. Course she is.

0:26:210:26:23

Now, you go in and see her.

0:26:290:26:30

-I ain't going to do it.

-Go on.

0:26:300:26:33

MUSIC: "In The Night Garden Theme"

0:26:530:26:56

We're going to be all right, sweetheart.

0:27:110:27:14

Give me a kiss.

0:27:140:27:16

Why don't you go home to your steak, Max?

0:27:190:27:21

I would do but it ain't been on the menu for a while.

0:27:210:27:25

I know what you are, Roxy.

0:27:270:27:29

A little game player.

0:27:300:27:32

Look at you. Little tease.

0:27:320:27:35

What I am is something you shouldn't be getting any nearer to.

0:27:360:27:40

It's funny, cos you're the one that dropped the towel.

0:27:400:27:43

Well, accidents happen.

0:27:430:27:45

-That's always my excuse.

-Yeah?

0:27:450:27:48

ALFIE: Roxy! You out here, darling? Come on, I need you!

0:27:500:27:53

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0:28:160:28:20

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