28/02/2012 EastEnders

Absolutely not.

Look, that is my final offer.

Sorry, I've got to go.

Here she comes. Woman of the year(!)

-Ugh! What do you want?

-Have you seen this road?

-Not that again!

Listen, darling, we all like a good time. Me more than most.

This road is a warzone and it's down to you and your Manic Mondays.

-Can't you just give it a rest?

-Your name above the door -

your responsibility for any public nuisance.

Billy!

-Yeah, what?

-Tidy the road.

-You what?!

-Clear it up.

-What, the road?

-The road, the pavement. Just clear the mess.

Are you happy now?

I'll be happy when you show some consideration

for those of us who live and work round here.

I think you'll find that I do,

bearing in mind that I employ and house most people around here.

Babe, you always ask me what I want for dinner when I'm having my breakfast.

When else do I get a chance?

I don't mind, all right? You choose.

Your dad's not said anything about that bracelet

so I'm assuming you've not showed him the pictures of me pawning it.

Why?

Yeah, well, he'll see them when I want him to see them.

Suit yourself. You're just giving me more time to come up with a reasonable excuse.

You know what, it would take you 50 years for your brain

to come up with something even half reasonable.

So I'd pack your bags if I were you.

-What's that lot?

-It's the ironing. You don't mind, do you?

-I'm just going to do the bathroom.

-I do mind, actually.

It's my day off and I'd like a bit of time to relax.

-A little relax! When was the last time

-I

-got to relax?

Probably when you was locked in your cell

for 23 hours a day and I was looking after your kids.

I didn't mean for it to come out like that.

How DID you mean it? I've been out for ages, you're still bringing it up!

Look, I just want some time for myself.

Why didn't you say that? I'm not a mind-reader!

What is this? Gas bill, final demand?

No, that is a FINAL final demand.

-Don't know why they write it in red ink.

-How much? I suppose we used that over Christmas.

If we ain't got it they can't have it.

-That's a great attitude(!)

-What attitude am I meant to have?

Ricky's money ain't even touching the sides.

I've asked Shirley for some extra shifts and she said she's doing me a favour as it is.

-I don't like this any more than you do, Mum.

-We're out of milk. Here you go.

-Oh, so I've to go and get that, on top of everything else?

-Well, I'll do the ironing!

And while you're at it, here's an extra quid.

Treat yourself to a scratchcard.

Might be your lucky day.

I still don't like the way she bosses you around. It ain't right.

She's the boss. That's what bosses do.

She thinks she's better than you and everyone else round here.

She's got money. That makes her better.

I'd rather have my looks than her money. Anyway, my looks are going to GET me money.

-How do you mean?

-Chill out!

I mean, looking as fit as this, I'm going to have no trouble pulling a bloke with money.

And no, I don't mean a dealer or anyone dodgy.

Yeah, I reckon I could pull myself a nice bloke.

Someone that works at a building society or a plumber.

We can get a place together and I can train to become a hairdresser.

You can come round on Sundays for lunch.

-He'd better be a good cook.

-He'd better be good at looking after kids!

What you looking at?!

-I wanted to pull her gross hair out by its roots.

-But you didn't, did you? So...

Yeah, well, I should've done.

Lucy, you don't like the woman that your dad's marrying. So what?

You're not supposed to.

-They're called wicked stepmothers for a reason.

-I liked Jane! It's just this one.

She's taking him for a ride. And she's got someone else.

-Why do you think she pawned the bracelet?

-I don't know. Why?

Cos the other guy wants money!

Oh, right... Of course, yes.

Mandy - the woman that you said is with your dad for his money -

is now having an affair with someone that ain't got a penny to his name.

Why don't you just show your dad the pictures of her pawning the bracelet?

Cos the photos aren't proof that she's having an affair, are they?

-(OK.)

-I need to find proper proof...

And you're going to help me!

Can you believe it - it's, like, nearly been two weeks?

I know. Feels like two months.

I mean, in a good way. Just because we're spending so much time together.

I love being with you.

Yeah, well, make the most of it cos I'm meant to be at the Emporium.

Don't mind me. You not at college today, Whit?

-Later.

-Right, if you're not doing anything you can help out with the ironing.

-You can't get one minute's peace round here!

-Come here.

-Let me tell you why you love being with me.

-Oh, yeah? Go on, then.

-Well, it's cos I'm the perfect boyfriend!

-Yeah?

I've got the looks, I've got the body...

I'm generous, I'm charming.

And I won over Bianca.

No, you haven't. She's not THAT keen on you yet.

-She will be, just like you are.

-Oh, yeah?

Come here.

If you two wanted to be alone, I could go out for a bit.

Yeah?

Mind you, I'd expect the ironing done when I get back.

I had Cora on at me about the litter in front of the club.

There was a whole heap of rubbish on the road, and not just from the club.

-There's this chicken shop...?

-McKlunky's.

-They're pushing a heap of rubbish too.

-That's Janine for you. Don't care about anyone apart from profit.

-Does anyone ever win on these things?

Yeah, sometimes. Oh! Jean - she won, didn't she?

Yeah, she won about, what, 8K?

It's a mug's game.

Well, I've always been a mug. Here you are, give us another one. Me luck's got to change sometime.

That is the winning ticket, I can feel it in my bones.

This is the one! This is it. Go on, girl!

Go on, you've got two... Oh.

Oh...two stars. There you go. Not to worry.

I'll see you all later.

-See you, darling.

-See you.

-That's for the paper

and I'll take one of those scratchy cards if that's all right.

-Well, you never know.

-You know what, I hate looking at it like that - all burnt out.

It's soulless.

It's a shame, innit? Not to worry, though.

Oh, hold on. One...two...

three! Can you believe it?! I've got the big three!

Alfie's a millionaire! I've won a tenner!

THEY LAUGH

If you're looking for something special, there's a nice two-piece over there. Suit you.

Just having a browse, actually.

What you doing?

Counting.

I'm not allowed to sell jigsaw puzzles

if there's more than three pieces missing.

Why would anybody want to buy a jigsaw with a piece missing?

Come to think of it, why would anybody want to buy a jigsaw at all?

I like jigsaw puzzles.

So long as they ain't got a lot of sky. Life's too short.

-Oh!

-Afternoon.

If you're looking for a new girlfriend, I'm right out.

And if you want to offload your current one, try the RSPCA

cos I wouldn't give her shelf room.

-I hear you've been giving Janine aggro.

-What of it?

-We don't want any unpleasantries, Cora.

I don't mind an unpleasantry, myself.

We're just trying to make a living, like everybody else.

By selling booze to underage kids?

Is that right? You're getting kids drunk?

-Not that it's got anything to do with you.

-You're wrong. It's got everything to do with me,

-and every parent round here.

-They're not underage.

It's a club, all right? There's bound to be noise and there's bound to be litter.

We don't complain when, every night,

there's bags of tat lined up on your doorstep, do we?

If you have any grumblings, come and see ME, please. Janine's pregnant.

Therefore she's delicate.

Janine - delicate?! Someone wants to do something about him.

Don't worry, darling, I already have.

-Thank God I saw them before I actually started cutting it.

-PHONE BEEPS

Hmm?

My 10:30. Head full of nits.

You should have just chucked her out.

You know what I love about our relationship?

The way you hang off my every word. I DID chuck her out.

That's what I've been talking about for the last half-hour. I've got to get back.

Who was that?

Er, it was just a customer asking me to drop a price.

-And will you?

-Nah.

-Won't do her any harm to keep her waiting, will it?

-It's always games with you, innit?

Look, I know I said things were better between me and Lucy, but...

What now?

She's been following me around, taking photos.

What sort of photos?

Well... I've got a bit of a confession to make.

The thing is...

..after my bracelet was stolen, I felt really bad,

cos I know how much it cost you.

So I went to this little pawn shop.

I've got this old ring, and I thought I could get money for it so I could at least give you some back.

Anyway, unbeknown to me, whoever had stolen my bracelet had only gone to the same pawn shop!

Anyway, the ring wasn't worth anything, and I didn't get any money, but that's not the point.

The point is Lucy has taken photos of me going in and out of the pawn shop, and she's done something -

some sort of computer thing. You know I don't get all that stuff.

But she's made it looks like I'm wearing the bracelet when I go in.

-Like Photoshop?

-No, you're not listening to me.

-It was a PAWN shop.

-No, Photoshop's when you alter photos.

-Oh, right, yeah, silly me!

Well, anyway, she's tried to make it look like I have sold the bracelet

which is not true. The bracelet was stolen.

-Probably just messing around on the computer, that's all.

-Really?

-Yeah.

I was just worried. She's not going to be happy till she's torn us apart.

As if that's going to happen.

I don't even know what I'm meant to be looking for.

Anything to back up what I already know.

-Yeah? Like what?

-Just keep looking!

-Grrr!

-Yes, what can I do for you?

-You wouldn't happen to have any jobs behind the bar?

Sorry, I'm all staffed up what with taking Roxy on.

-I could collect glasses.

-I'm sure you could, but Paddy's got that one sewn up.

-Cleaning?

Jean's doing that, darling.

Tell you what, next time I have a special event in the pub I'll give you a shout.

With Mo and Kat being away I'll probably need extra hands. I'll call you.

-Thanks.

-What's this?

-None of your business.

-You're sounding pretty desperate.

-What's wrong?

-You've made it quite clear YOU don't want to help me financially.

-Hey, hold on!

-I'm happy to give you money for Morgan.

-It's the rest of us you don't care about.

-Everything all right, Bianca?

-What you doing here?

I just fancied a drink.

-You're happy to throw money at this lot. That's new, innit?

-No, it's not.

I know everything in your wardrobe. I've never seen this before.

I got it from the charity shop, all right?

I knew I recognised that.

Ignore the label - it says wash on 30 but the bias binding might buckle

-so you might want to give it a lukewarm hand-wash.

-It's yours?

-Mmm.

I gave them nice slacks that go with that as well. You want to look out for them.

Sorry, hang on a second.

You didn't drop this by any chance, did you?

Yeah, I think I did, cheers.

You did? Take care.

-What?

-I saw you drop that tenner next to her.

So what? She's had it rough lately.

-There has got to be somewhere we've not looked.

-Um, Lucy, do you not think

-you're getting a little bit obsessed with this?

-What, and you don't care about your parents?

The girl who nearly killed her dad for cheating on her mum.

Hello, girls. I thought you'd be at school.

Nice to see you, too.

Right, well, this was fun while it lasted, weren't it, eh?

Yeah, we're not finished yet.

Lucy!

Oh, you stupid...

-Lucy...?

-Can't stop!

They're practising for the Olympics!

Lucy, you are crazy!

No, just determined.

She's going to go mental!

No change there, then.

-She made me do the ironing.

-Well, it's the food chain, innit? I give it to her, she gives it to you,

-and in a couple of years you'll be able to give it to Tiff.

-Cake mix?

Yeah, you know how much they love cake.

Thought I'd do loads of chocolate icing. If you're lucky you can lick the bowl.

-Oh, I love hundreds and thousands!

-How I did know that? You going out later?

Yeah, it's me and Tyler's nearly-two-week anniversary so...

I'm glad you like him.

I didn't say I liked him. I said he's better than I thought he was going to be. But if he hurts you,

-he won't look so pretty.

-You've said that before.

It's the pretty ones you've got to watch.

-You think he's pretty?

-I think he's pretty!

You're never chucking that away!

It's bad enough that the only thing I've bought myself in a while

is from a charity shop without finding out that it was Jean Slater's!

It looks all right on you.

It probably looked good on Jean when it was new.

-I don't think anything looked good on Jean!

-Laugh all you want, but I still don't want it.

-Where did you get the money to get that?

-I found a tenner.

-Oh, great priorities, Bianca.

You was going to buy yourself a G&T earlier!

-What are you accusing me of?

-Nothing.

No, come on, let's have it. I work really hard.

I give up most of what I earn. And with the rest of it I budget for seven drinks a week.

That's one a day. One pathetic little drink to make me feel a bit better about my life.

-What, you'd deny me that?

-Of course not.

Look at all this stuff. My mum's bag is exactly the same.

Nice lipstick, though.

Yeah, nice if you're standing on a street corner.

-What's this perfume, then?

-Eau de Grot.

Look, this don't feel right. Feels like we've mugged her.

There's nothing here anyway - look.

Oh, isn't there?

KNOCK AT DOOR

What do you want?

I'm pretending to buy a car, ain't I?

I can see that you are just rushed off your feet.

Too busy to respond to my text?

I'm getting round to it.

You know I have got a little bit of dignity left.

I'm getting sick of waiting for my phone to ring.

That's all it's going to take, is it? One phone call?

It's a good place to start, innit?

See ya.

-Lucy, you have gone too far this time!

-Well, I had to, to prove she's cheating on you!

And, look, I've even got photos!

Mandy's told me all about the photos.

-What did she say?

-That you altered them

-to make it look like she was wearing the bracelet when she wasn't.

-Why would I do that?!

-Because you're out to cause trouble!

-No! I'm out to show him exactly what you are!

Dad, I didn't even take the pictures.

Ben did, so why don't you ask him?

-Oh, that's convenient considering he's gone away.

-You don't need to cos I found this in her bag.

-What's this?

-A money transfer. You sent money to someone yesterday.

So don't try and deny it cos it's there in black and white!

All right...

I pawned the bracelet. I needed the money, I'm sorry. I can't tell you why.

See? She admitted it!

You're loving this, ain't you!

I'm so sorry, I wish I could tell you why but I can't.

I just can't! But it isn't what it looks like, I promise.

Ian, I've never asked you for anything.

But I'm asking you this now. Just please...

you've just got to believe me. I'm not having an affair.

And there's no-one else... Just believe me, OK?

-How do you know it's Georgian?

-I looked it up.

-It's not got a date on it.

-Yeah, but it looks right.

-You call something Georgian, you can double the price.

-What is it?

-It's a pot!

-What kind of pot?

-A Georgian pot!

-Can I help you, mate? All right?

-Not unless you're Janine Butcher.

No, no, I'm Michael Moon.

-How's it going, all right? And you are?

-Licensing officer.

You won't find Janine here at this time. She's probably at home.

-Just come from there. No-one in.

-Really? Oh, yeah, that's cos she's moved, of course, yeah.

She's gone to Dalston, I think? Somewhere in Dalston.

Sorry, I can't be more specific than that.

Janine?

Rose has managed to lose another mop.

And you are bothering me with this why?

All right? I've just fobbed some geezer off looking for you.

-Why did you fob him off?

-Some licensing bloke. It's that dodgy booze.

-Someone's shopped you.

-I know exactly who that is.

-Billy?

-Yeah?

-Please can you come in here and finish this up for me? And please,

all right, be careful.

This is very expensive stuff that I'm ordering.

I sent him to Dalston.

Are you expecting me to thank you?

"Moses basket..."

All right for some, innit!

-What you doing?

-What? Nothing! Nothing.

Just Janine, she wanted me to order some baby stuff for her.

And she wants two of everything?

Solid silver. That won't turn your wrist green.

It's a bit pricey, though.

What price glamour, eh?

-Yeah, but £15?

-How much? Who priced that up?

Honestly, some of them that work here, they've got no idea. Give us a tenner.

-Five.

-It's a charity, darling. Eight.

-Six.

-Seven, and you've got a deal.

Come on, I want to close the shop up and put my feet up.

-Who do you think you are, reporting me?!

-Oh, they've come already?

-So, what, you're not even denying it?

-Yeah, I called 'em,

and if they don't close you down, I'll call 'em again.

You're using that club of yours for underaged drinking.

You think you can get away with anything, don't you?

Well, not this time, darling.

Don't you threaten me, because I am warning you...

Oh! Are you hearing this?!

Issuing threats to a pensioner!

A volunteer in a charity shop!

You know what she's doing, don't you?

She's flogging cheap booze all day, all night to kids.

Were you always this righteous when your daughter was bedding Max

behind Vanessa's back? Or when the other daughter was jacking up in a crack den?

Ladies, maybe this is a good time to intervene.

What if we reached a compromise?

How would you feel about that, if we crack down on the fake IDs,

if we opened later in the afternoon

and I personally gave you my own pledge to clean up every scrap of litter?

-Every scrap.

-Every pool of vomit?

Yeah, all right, every...every pool of vomit as well.

And a monetary contribution to this fine establishment.

-Stop! I am not going to give her money.

-Tax deductible, of course.

-Deal?

-Well...

I'm not against a good time... Deal.

Fantastic. Ladies...

Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you.

I'm just a harmless old lady, darling.

You know Megan Rogers? She's having a birthday party but I ain't invited

cos her boyfriend Jake fancies me.

What?

Whitney's had the sewing machine out all afternoon. What do you think?

We've lost all them flowers and the Jean Slater froufrou.

-Do you like it?

-You did this after I chucked it out?

Yeah.

I don't know what to say. It's really nice!

-Stick it on!

-All right, I will!

-DOORBELL

-That'll be Liam, probably forgot his key.

-Thought he had a shift at McKlunky's. ..Thanks, Whitney.

It's all right.

Oh...

Take this.

What is it?

You've brought my kid up for the last six years.

You've done a brilliant job. What's in there don't come close to child maintenance,

but Alfie just paid me, and this is all I've got at the moment.

Just under three hundred.

What? I don't...

Just take it, B.

Morgan, your dad's here.

-..Fancy some cake?

-I'd love to.

-Tell me!

-It's a surprise!

But I hate surprises!

-You'll like this one.

-Will I?

-Oh, yeah.

No offence, but your idea of what's a good surprise will probably be pretty lame.

You're not going to tell me, are you?

Well, that depends.

On what?

OK... They're starting these classes at the community centre.

-First-time-mum sort of thing. You agree to go, and I'll tell you what the surprise is.

-No way.

-OK, I won't tell you what the surprise is, then.

-Fine!

-Where you going?!

-Out.

Surprise? You went and did it, didn't you?

-You've got to take your chances, Hev, you know that.

-It's stealing.

I've never stolen anything in my life - not on purpose, anyway.

It's not PROPER stealing!

-You'd better cancel that order, or you're no better than a thief.

-It's not for me, all right?!

So why don't you just mind your own, eh?

Why don't you go and make yourself busy somewhere else?

And I tell you, if you say anything to anyone about what I did, right,

I won't be held responsible - do you understand?

Do you?!

Good. Now, go on, do one.

MUSIC: "Dance With Me Tonight" by Olly Murs

LAUGHING AND SQUEALING

Who wants cake? THEY CHEER

Oh, that flamin' meter!

-You know me. I love a happy hour.

-This is true.

But there's a difference between half-price drinks

and flogging quick shots to kids who can't afford it

so then they get drunk and trash the neighbourhood.

-Michaela if it's a girl.

-Never! Anyway, I've already decided on a girl's name.

Come on then...

No, you'll just have to wait and see.

Oh, can we sit over here because Cora's there and I've had quite enough of her today.

So I don't get a say in naming my own child?

You can make some suggestions and I might like one.

What about Matthew Moon? Matthew Moon if it's a boy.

Look, let's just make one thing clear, shall we?

Whatever it is and whatever we decide to call it,

its surname is going to be Butcher.

You having a laugh?

Not open for debate. ..Orange juice, please. And I imagine he's going to have a whisky.

PHONE BEEPS

See her face?

Clearly she hates to be in the wrong.

I wouldn't start celebrating, Cora.

Janine fights dirty.

Good! Who wants a clean fight?

-I could get you a top-up.

-Oh, it's too late now, Ray. Anyway, I like it like this.

-I don't.

-Right. There should be enough battery to play the film.

Yay!

-He's great, ain't he?

-Thanks, Tyler.

-No worries. Good job we had them candles at the Emporium.

-Yeah, it's romantic, ain't it?

Oh, don't go getting any ideas, you two!

Tiff, pass Tyler the cake.

There's only one left!

Yeah, and it's for Tyler!

Thank you.

Happy nearly-two-week anniversary.

Ugh, they're kissing!

Shut up! Come on, press play, Tyler!

MUSIC: Theme from "Indiana Jones"

If he wants to believe her, he's more stupid than I thought he was.

I seriously think you should just forget about it.

Let her take him for a ride. It's his own fault.

No way! This "L Stevens" on the money transfer is obviously the same "L" on her phone.

So what, Lucy?

-I've got L's number.

-Right. And are you going to ring it?

No. I've texted him. Told him to come and visit Walford.

We're going to find out exactly what Mandy's hiding.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd