17/04/2012 EastEnders

PHIL SIGHS

Mmm.

-Yes!

-What you doing?

Muffins, mostly. And some fairy cakes.

Morning.

She even used to collect the toys from those cereal boxes. Look.

Like a big kid, really.

OK, I think I'll go out for breakfast.

Can I have a word with you?

Nigella's neater than me but I reckon she's probably got staff.

Day one of Mandy's Cafe. Start of a new era, eh?

I wanted to do something. Especially after...er...

Look, don't we need to talk about it?

What, about your ex-fiance Alex?

Nothing happened, Ian. I didn't sleep with Alex.

-I don't want to talk about it, OK?

-Because you believe me?

No, because we've had this conversation before, haven't we?

A couple of times now.

Your mum warned me you'd move on when you found someone richer.

And you ignored her, like I ignored Alex.

See you later.

-I'll come with you.

-What?

-PHONE RINGS

-Yeah. I mean, I'll do a shift in the cafe.

-< Hello?

I know you've said no in the past, but, well, it's my name up there now. It's my reputation.

We can make this work, Ian, together.

Phone.

DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS

So how's it going, then, the whole Shirley moving on thing?

What do you want me to do, eh? Give her a slap every time she mentions Heather's name?

Phil, honestly, I don't know, OK?

But if you ever want this house to stop feeling like a morgue,

-you've got to do something.

-DOORBELL RINGS

Let's go.

What do you want?

Good morning to you an' all. I've had Ben's school on the phone.

-You all right, Ben?

-What do you want?

Your teacher wants to know when you're going back.

Tell 'em today.

BOTH: What?

Tell 'em he'll be back at school this morning.

Actually, I already did. I just wasn't expecting you to back me up.

When everything's normal, normal 16-year-olds go to school, don't they?

And normal is how things are going to be from now on.

-I am banning the word normal from this house right now.

-Dad, I'm not ready.

-It'll take you five minutes to put your uniform on.

-I don't mean that, all right?

There's no point. You even said it yourself. I ain't going to pass any of the exams.

In a few months, you'll be leaving school anyway, with no questions asked.

Right?

-How did you get away?

-Just ran. Are you sure he's not safer here?

-He's safe wherever he is.

-I mean, who knows what he's thinking from one day to the next,

-or what he'll say.

-We've got to get things back to... FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

But they're not, are they? However many times you say it.

-That's yours.

-Thanks.

Right, you ready, you two? >

Yeah.

Mum!

-I'm hungry.

-We're all hungry, son,

but if I'm late for work today, I'll get the sack.

Come on. You know who my new boss is, don't you?

BOTH: Ian Beale.

-Exactly. Let's go.

-We could always ask my dad for money.

No, we can't, Morgan. Come on.

-KNOCKING ON DOOR

-OK, OK.

Hey!

You had breakfast?

-No.

-Good.

Please don't make us go back there. Please.

Come on, then. Hello, beautiful.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Right, we ready, then?

-You're seriously walking us to school?

-Yeah.

-As long as your dad don't find me and break both my legs.

-I thought you were joking.

I can't be trusted to walk on my own?

Can we just go, please?

You have got some serious gossip to catch up on.

You know Bernadette's obsessed with that biker called Fin?

And Josh is back with Chantelle.

And Ashley dumped Rhianne again so he could hook up with Casey.

And apparently on Saturday at Abdul's party...

You're not even listening, are you?

-Not really.

-Well, I am, Abs.

What happened at Abdul's party?

I feel for Shirley, I really do, but it's like the funeral's still going on or something.

-You going to eat, baby?

-Rox, you can't just flick a switch and stop missing someone, can you?

No, I know, but you've got to move on some time, ain't you?

There you go.

It must be weird for you.

Is it weird when you wake up and Kat's not there?

Nah. Miss her cooking breakfast. But if you're going to keep bringing round these every morning...

If I brought these every morning, you'd have to winch me behind that bar.

Not a chance. You'd still be gorgeous. You know what they say -

a little bit of what you fancy does you good. These are lovely.

-Thanks, darling. See you soon.

-Take care.

Right. I might as well leave you to it.

Doesn't look like you're going to be rushed off your feet today.

-Just wait till word spreads that we're under new management.

-Exactly.

Think positive! That's what I say.

And I just want you to know, Ian, that I'm so glad that you're my boss again.

I've always really enjoyed working for you. Just wanted you to know that.

And you're sure you're going to cope until Marie gets here without scratching each other's eyes out?

See ya.

-MOCKS:

-"I just want you to know, Ian, I've always loved working for you."

Some of us need a job.

Some of us don't go through life using blokes to get what we want.

Yeah, well, some of us have that option, Bianca.

-Others haven't.

-MANDY CHUCKLES

-But seeing as we're stuck with each other today...

-Do you know what today is?

It's Ian's first day back in the cafe and I'm going to make sure it's a success.

It's mine and Ricky's wedding anniversary, from the first time.

You do remember Ricky, don't you, eh?

Another bloke you chewed up and spat out and didn't worry who got hurt.

Funny how life catches you up, innit?

If you want to be Ian's golden girl, don't expect any help from me.

-You know, I could get him to sack you in a heartbeat.

-Really?

From what I saw, you're on probation every bit as much as I am.

That table needs clearing.

Pass me that one.

Where are they?

Where's what?

Those boxes of Heather's. You took 'em, didn't you?

They weren't doing anyone any good sitting there, were they?

And you thought I wouldn't notice? There's valuables in them.

Oh, yeah, yeah, like a 1994 George Michael calendar

and a hula hula skirt?

Shirl, you can't carry on like this.

And I can't carry on like nothing's happened either.

Where are they?

Over there.

You'd better not have broken anything.

Andrew's coming round later to see if there's anything he wants to take.

What?

How can you look her in the eye, eh?

Yeah. The make-up bag, it's in the front room.

Will you bring it over? All right. Thanks.

There you go. Home-made. Enjoy.

-All right, Mandy?

-Yeah. You all right, Max? You're looking very handsome today.

-What can I tempt you with?

-Just a cup a tea, please.

Tea, please, Bianca. Something to eat?

-No, you're all right.

-Have you had your breakfast today, Max?

-He said he don't want nothing.

-Come on, you're wasting away.

Why don't you have a nice fry-up?

MANDY CHUCKLES

-Go on. You've twisted me arm. Go on. I'll have a fry-up.

-OK.

-Cheers. I'll bring it over.

-You should think about selling motors.

-I can sell anything, me.

-You have, ain't you, really?

Look, B, why don't you just forget about what you think of me for a minute, all right?

We both know you need this job. So what's the best way of keeping it?

To impress Ian.

Right. And what's the one thing Ian's always impressed by?

Look, how much does this cafe normally take in a day?

Couple of hundred?

We can smash that if you just take that lemon out your gob and work with me.

Look, the better this place runs, the less time Ian spends here.

-What can I tempt you with today, then, sir?

-Tea and a cupcake, please.

Certainly.

-She feeling any better?

-I was going to go shopping with Christian

-but I think I'm just going to get her home.

-Just leave her here.

-Really?

-Listen, you don't want to be moving her if she's feeling like that.

-She's all right with me, ain't she?

-She loves you.

-Come on, she's only human. Go on, you get off shopping.

-Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, go on. It'll be fine.

OK. All right.

Give Mummy a kiss. I love you.

You be good for Uncle Alfie, yeah?

-You know I've got your back, don't you?

-Yeah, I do.

-See you later.

-Have fun.

Right. I think a story's in order.

Yeah?

Oh, hello, Dot. Welcome to Mandy's. What can I get you?

I was just wondering if you could change this 20 for me?

-Yeah, yeah, course.

-Thank you.

Till's a bit full, actually, it could do with emptying.

What do you reckon, then, boss?

Lovely to see the place so busy.

-Your mother would be ever so proud of you.

-Yeah.

Yeah, very impressive. How?

Sell snow to an Eskimo, she would, your missus, Ian.

I only come in to see me brother. "Try my muffins," she said.

Helpless, I was.

-You shut your filthy face, you!

-Still flirting, are we?

I wasn't flirting with you. I wouldn't.

You disgust me.

I'm really sorry. Sometimes she doesn't know when to stop.

Someone should teach her, shouldn't they?

Oi. You don't believe that, do you?

What, you've spent all morning manipulating men into getting what you want?

Nah, bit far-fetched, innit?

-What you doing here? What's happened?

-Nothing's happened.

Do you want a chip, Jay?

You promised you'd go to school.

Yeah, and I will. For now.

-No-one said I had to stay for lunch, though.

-What do you mean, for now?

You going to the gym again?

Is...um... Is everything all right, Jay?

Everything's fine.

With us, I mean. Are you sure?

Yes, we're fine.

-Come on, tell me all about it.

-All about what?

I want to know all the gossip about school.

-That smells really nice, that.

-Mmm, berry. Nice.

Mmm. Where did you get it from?

Shenice got it for me as a little present. It's really nice when they get a bit older

and they start treating you like a mate, you know?

You must have that with Tiff, Bianca? Thank you for the tea. Cheers.

-Where's Amy?

-Oh, she's in Iran with her boyfriend.

Did you not get the postcard?

HE PRETENDS TO LAUGH

I'd recognise that sparkle anywhere, Roxanne Mitchell.

My new lip gloss, innit?

I don't think so.

Who is he?

-No. No, no, no...

-Come on, we tell each other everything. They are the rules.

No, no, not this time, OK? I'm not jinxing it.

-That's because he's ugly.

-No.

-Gay, then?

-No! Christian.

Prison?

Don't tell me he's married.

I'm not telling you anything.

I knew it. Come on, who is he?

Christian Clarke, eat your fairy cake and change the subject or I'm leaving.

Anyone at home? Oh, Ian.

Everything all right?

Well, I don't know. Is it?

Only you tried to talk to me a couple a weeks ago

and I was so het up and I just couldn't listen to you. I'm so sorry. But I'm here now.

Dot, thanks, but I really need to get myself to the chippy.

-Everything's fine now, honest.

-FRONT DOOR SHUTS

It didn't seem so yesterday in the cafe.

Look, I really need to get going.

I'll see you later.

You all right, love?

Lucy, can't you talk to him?

I know what you think of Mandy, but she does make your father happy.

Mandy makes him look like the complete prat he is.

-I didn't even think Dad would be stupid enough to name a family business after that tramp.

-Oh, Lucy.

So, no, Dot, no, I can't just talk to him.

If you don't mind, I don't have long.

-Here you go. That one's on the house, OK?

-Thank you, Alfie.

-Hey. You all right?

-You all right, sweetheart?

-BEEPING

-What's that?

-There it goes! The alarm. Time to check on the patient.

-You haven't?

-Have you been running up every five minutes to Amy?

-Nah! Every ten. It's all right.

Does my brother know that you're palming his daughter off to all and sundry again?

-You're amazing.

-Ah. I'll go up.

-No, no, I'll go.

-And when I'm done, I'll come down here and I will help you out behind the bar.

-That'd be lovely.

-I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather spend the afternoon with.

-Really?

Yeah, other than, you know, Billy Bonds,

or Sir Bobby Moore, God rest his claret and blue soul.

Yes, mate, what can I get you?

Cheers.

This how you spend your days now, is it?

-Choosing between sandwich spreads?

-Give us a break, will you?

Ain't it about time you started thinking about going back to work?

One problem - I ain't got a job.

What, you surprised? Ain't you got any mirrors in your house?

Listen...

Tidy yourself up, clean your shoes and be at the R&R for 6.30, yeah?

What?

It's about time you started thinking about the future instead of the past.

-6.30 sharp, yeah?

-Yeah.

Thanks. Thanks, Phil.

-Mrs Butcher?

-Hmm?

-Mrs Butcher.

-No.

Weirdly, that is not the worst thing I've been called today.

Over there, hun.

You're Mrs Butcher?

Who wants to know?

Miss Woods. Tiffany's form tutor.

-You're Tiffany's teacher?

-Sorry to disturb you at work.

-It's all right. Has something happened?

-No. You just didn't attend Parents' Evening last night.

-Oh.

This is sort of on my way home, so...

You didn't know it was Parents' Evening, did you?

I didn't know Tiff had a teacher that's only a year older than her, either!

I can show you my qualifications if you like.

But I'd rather talk about Tiffany's recent behaviour.

Not telling you about last night is typical, I'd say.

-Have you got kids?

-No.

-No.

Cos I'd say it's typical of most kids Tiff's age to forget things.

Tiffany's struggling in some subjects, Mrs Butcher,

particularly maths.

She hasn't said anything to you?

It's funny, because every other teacher that Tiff's had

has said that she's really clever.

I'm not saying she's not bright. I'd just like to get her some extra help.

Well, you're the teacher.

Is everything all right...at home?

Yeah. Yeah, it's fine, thanks.

Right. I'll be in touch, then.

Everything all right?

-Yeah.

-I'll have a tea.

-Right.

-Thanks for that.

-It's all right.

-Kim's coming to have a look in a minute.

Where's all my lip gloss?

-You want nuts with that an' all?

-Mmm.

-Dry roasted?

Mmm.

-Dry roasted.

-Yes.

-Thank you.

I reckon this is it for you two, you know, after you couldn't quite fly the nest last week.

-I reckon you two are going to live together for all time.

-I think you might be right.

I can't see any right-minded woman putting up with the amount

of Undercover Elite Night Cops I have to watch every night.

Oh, yeah, yeah, whereas they're queuing up

-to listen to old sing-along with Sinatra here.

-Oi, don't you say nothing about Frank.

I know what's keeping you up at night -

all that crumpet I keep bumping into at the toaster every morning.

Well, look. No ring, I can do what I like.

Anyway, I'm going to go see Penny in France tomorrow, so that flat's yours.

Oh, right. She'll be lost without you. You all right, B?

-All right?

-Come on, Bianca, I keep offering to help you.

Knocking lipsticks out in pubs?

I'm trying to run a business, actually, Derek. This is my stock.

What you laughing at, Max?

My kids rely on me selling this stuff, just like yours rely on you selling motors, yeah?

Bianca, if I could fit what I was relying on to feed my kids in a bag that size,

I'd start considering alternative business models.

THEY CHUCKLE Oi, Shenice!

Come here.

Amy, oh, sweetheart, what have you done?

Oh, wow. Have you been...?

Oh, look, you've got it all... OK, come on.

That's Mummy's. Come with Alfie, we'll go and give you a clean-up, yeah?

-You nicked make-up out of that bag when you was round my house last night.

-Oi, oi, what are you doing?

-Shut up, mind your own business!

-Shenice is my business.

-I didn't steal, honest.

-So where did you get the lip gloss from?

-From Tiff. She's been giving it to everybody at school. Honestly.

Right, you listen to me - I believe you, all right, sweetheart?

Why don't you go and get changed upstairs, yeah? Amy's up there. Go on, off you go.

I don't know what is going on, but you do not take your problems out on little kids.

Don't tell me about kids!

-Oh, come on, you two.

-Least my girl gives her mates something they want, not nits!

-Why don't you talk to Tiff?

-Well, we do talk!

-Yeah, course you do.

-Yeah, we do!

-Oi. Bianca!

-ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

Stop! Bianca! Right, get over here.

-Stop it.

-Derek, get off of me!

-Derek, get your hands off her now!

I'm all right, look, I'm all right. I'm OK. I'm really sorry.

-TEARFULLY: I'm sorry, Roxy, all right? I've just had a really bad day.

-What's the matter?

It's them two! Thanks for nothing.

Bianca. What's going on?

MOUTHS: You OK?

-You got through it, then?

-Yeah. I told you, it's pointless.

-Why is it, Ben?

Because once I get that psychiatric report, I'll be out that school for good, Jay.

Oh, so you're going to use your psychiatric report to get out of school, are you?

Yep.

Even by my maths, I reckon we're still 50% up on the average.

-Where have you been?

-Erm...I...

-You've been skiving, haven't you?

-No.

-Course you have.

You thought, "It's Ian. He's soft, I can take advantage and have a laugh behind his back."

-So how about I sack you right now?

-Ian, please...

-No. Won't be laughing then, will you?

-I won't, but you can't do that. Please.

-Give me one good reason why not?

Because she has killed herself working in here for you today.

Look. We both have.

Are you not even going to count it?

I didn't buy this place to get rich.

Did I just hear that right?

Honestly, I just don't know what that man wants from me.

Well, you can't win sometimes, can you?

At least you've still got your family.

-What would you care about my family?

-Oh, Bianca, I don't!

Thanks. Thanks for what you did then.

I'm in a mess now, but if I lose this job....

What sort of mess?

I've taken out these loans...

I don't know if I'll ever be able pay it back.

Yeah, I've got my family.

A mum that can't ever know... ever know what I've done.

My uncles think I'm a joke.

And a thieving daughter who...

..can't add up and won't even talk to me.

Why won't she talk to me?

Shall we stop smiling now?

-BOTH LAUGH

-Yeah.

-She tried everywhere to get one of them.

-She told me about when that happened.

Yeah, she got really upset.

Oh, look at this. The first time we went clubbing down the Walford Palais, me and Hev.

-You should definitely keep that, then.

-Yeah.

-All right, Phil?

-You're cutting it fine. Thought you was going to be at the club at half six?

Shirley invited me round for tea, so I swapped shifts with Mac.

I don't mind late nights, especially with the way I'm sleeping.

Shirl thought you wouldn't care, anyway.

Nah, nah. Why should I?

SHIRLEY CHUCKLES

She wouldn't even let me shave my stubble, you know that?

-What, cos of that?

-Cos of him, yeah.

If you need help, we'll get it, but you have to tell me. As for the lip gloss...

Shenice and the others always get new stuff.

-But I never get anything.

-Listen...

..it's hard for all of us at the minute, Tiff.

Liam's having to do extra shifts at McClunky's

and I've got to be nice to Ian Beale.

Yeah, but we still can't afford anything.

And I haven't got anyone to buy me football boots like Morgan.

What do you want silly football boots for?

Whatever it is that you wish you had, it's never all right to steal.

You do it.

We've been through this - I've paid for my mistakes.

Did you pay for that or nick it from the cafe?

Well...um...

..sometimes adults have to do things just to keep their head above water.

Sometimes kids have to do things just to keep their friends.

Come here.

Everything's going to be all right.

You'll see.

All right, sweetheart. Same again?

No. I better get back.

Hey, listen, I bet Ian right now is laying that table

and he's cooking up a storm as we speak.

Just imagine it. I'll never forget a few years back, he cooked this meal for my nan.

You never met my nan. She was a lovely lady.

See, I reckon that's what it's all about at the end of the day, Mandy -

-having someone to go home to, and just share your life with.

-CHRISTIAN CLEARS HIS THROAT

Sorry, gorgeous.

Right, what can I get you?

I want you to tell me that you're not in love with him.

Hmm?

I can't. OK?

Well, are you going to tell him?

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