19/04/2012 EastEnders

-BANGING AT DOOR

-Oh!

All right, all right.

-BANGING CONTINUES

-Stop... Stop banging, I'm here!

Where's the fire? There's no fire, Alfie.

All right! >

I've got a job for you.

What?

There's no pleasing some people, is there?

-Oh!

-You moan at me when I don't tell you nothing,

and then you don't like it when I do.

Meet me outside the cafe, 8.30.

And I mean as in SHARP, none of your pub times.

And then what?

Well, meet me there and then you'll find out, won't you?

Hold on, you get me out of my pit at some stupid time in the morning...

What, to tell me to meet you in a couple of hours?!

Hour and a half.

Derek, listen, mate. With all due respect, I'm...

I'm not really cut out for this...

What, getting your hands dirty?

You scammed me. Hmm?

Then you lied to me.

Do you really want to make it three?

Alfie?

You're a nosy so-and-so, ain't ya? Your mother never tell you what curiosity did to the cat?

-Whoa, whoa, Derek.

-Whoa, whoa. You got something to say, have you?

-ALFIE SIGHS

-Uh?

Good.

Outside the cafe, 8.30.

And put some strides on, Alf!

Goodness!

Turn all the punters off looking at your skinny pins!

DEREK LAUGHS

CAR DOOR SHUTS, ENGINE STARTS

-What's this?

-Done my wrist in doing this lot.

I've written my name and number at the bottom and the house number,

so anyone can call with any information.

Police have done that.

-Say the person was doing something that night and they didn't want the police to know.

-Like what?

I don't know, having it away with the crown jewels!

I just want to see if anybody knows anything.

Might not do any good, but it can't do any harm.

Someone's keen.

Got a lot to catch up on, ain't I?

Anyway, what's all this?

Listen, Rox. I've got no choice, darling.

Yes, you have! You have! He says, "jump," you say, "no," Alfie.

You don't say, "Yes, Derek, how high?"

I didn't steal money from him, not exactly, but I still owe him.

I owe on my store cards, they just ask me to pay,

they don't turn me into some sort of criminal!

We don't know this is criminal. Not for definite.

It's this simple - I pay one way, or I pay another, OK?

Pay how? Hmm? What's he got you mixed up in?!

-I can handle it. Whatever it is, I can...

-And that's it?

-You do this job, whatever it is and the slate's wiped clean, is it?

-Yeah.

-He said that, did he?

-Yeah, well, as good as.

No, Tiff, you can't!

Why not?

-Cos I say so.

-That's not a reason.

-Cos we're skint.

Look, they're on offer. Two for one. That means they're half price.

-Does it?

-It must be.

Cos you can get two for what you usually pay for one.

So, half of 58 pence, is...

..30...

Half of 50 is 25, half of eight is four, add them together, that's...

Still too much money. Come on.

29! That's 29 pence!

Yes, it is! Although, two for one doesn't work like that.

Yeah it does, we just did the sums and everything.

Well, you did them so well...

it's my treat?

Yeah, thanks.

Come on, say thank you.

-KIDS:

-Thank you!

-You're welcome.

As it happens, Masood, you're really good at sums, aren't you?

Yeah.

Oh.

Look, Uncle Max!

Oh, hello, darling! What have you got there? Chocolate and...

-CORA:

-Hi, Morgan.

What's up with her?

-How should I know?

-You should. You're the one who upset her.

-You what?

-She had a right go about it in my charity shop.

About what?

Bus goes from George Street, don't it?

If you don't go to school you'll have the truant officer on your back

and all the teachers'll get involved.

You're meant to be keeping your head down!

Yeah and I will be! Once I get this psych report, anyway.

I don't care what that says.

Oi! No school's going to say, "Oh, don't bother coming back," are they?

That psych report's important, all right?

Ain't just a get-out-of-school card.

You got any post for Number 55?

Let me have a look.

Eh...there you go.

Cheers.

You all right, Derek?

-Bang on time.

-What's happening? Where are we going?

Stop your rabbiting, you'll find out, won't you?

Come on, then.

You seeing him this morning?

Roxy, you've got to stay away, you know that.

Yeah, I know.

-I'm not going to see him for the rest of the day, anyway, cos he's busy.

-Doing what?

How should I know?

Good girl.

-Right.

-Yeah, right!

-What can I get you, mate?

-A jumper, please.

-Here you are.

I'll get you another. You're an XL, yeah?

I've got another one, somewhere.

-I'll give you a special price, two for one?

-No, thanks.

B, let's have a look at that stuff you're knocking out.

-Come to have a pop at me again?

-No. Just want a look.

I know you've got the hump with me, no reason to turn down business.

-I'm not turning down business, Max.

-Well, good.

But charity can just get stuffed!

-Oh, well, that went well(!)

-You would have done better?

She couldn't have done worse.

Well, go on then, prove it.

Derek, look.

What I meant earlier, whatever it is,

I'd only end up letting you down.

I'm not trying to talk my way out of it,

but this ain't my usual thing, all right?

I'll only end up messing things up for you, so...

ENGINE STARTS

-DOOR BANGS Mum!

-Oh.

You ain't come to order some stuff an' all, have you?

Uh, no. No, I've come to invite you all round for something to eat.

Oh, more charity then?

-No.

-Liam ain't here, anyway, he's at his mates.

-As usual.

-Right, well, the rest of you, then.

What, after the way you all ganged up on me?

I didn't, actually.

Max humiliated me, so stuff him and stuff you.

Bianca, this wouldn't be charity,

it's more of a peace offering,

an apology for Max being so out of order

and he'd have said sorry himself if you'd have let him.

I know you've never had to apologise for anything

cos you've never been out of order in your life before,

but he has and this would be our way of saying sorry.

What are you cooking?

-Tiff!

-Roast dinner. All the trimmings.

-With pudding?

-Morgan!

Mmm, two puddings. A crumble and a trifle.

-What sort of crumble?

-Apple.

SHE GASPS

Peace offering?

-Yeah.

-No charity?

-Definitely not.

All right then, thanks, we'll come.

-Yes!

-Yay!

-Oh.

-BOTH:

-Yay!

Rox.

Where's Amy, at nursery? Good.

You can give me a hand with these.

Look, put some up in Bridge Street and if there's any left,

do Turpin Road, all right?

-Rox, are you listening?!

-Yeah. Yeah, OK.

All right, where is he? Where's Alfie?

Alfie?

Alfie? No, it's not ringing any...

Oh, do you mean Alfie who runs the Vic?

Cheeky sort of chappie?

Quite entertaining sometimes, then other times gets on your nerves?

You're fond of him, aren't you?

He's a mate.

And you don't find him kind of irritating sometimes, hmm?

Like a fly buzzing round your head, yeah?

You put up with it for the longest time, then suddenly you just go...

snap?

HE LAUGHS

RADIO PLAYS

I can't live with that.

You can't just take it down, can you?

Ben ain't going to be able to handle it either, is he?

Can't be easy for you either, can it?

Ben ain't bothered, is he? Only cares about one thing.

What?

Nothing. Just school and that.

His psychological report's due today.

It's doing his head in, all of it, he's all over the place.

Jay, we've got to stick together on this.

If we start turning against each other, then...

..no-one's going to come out on the right side.

And there is one, is there... a right side?

Yeah, there is.

BEN'S side.

Alfie, it's me. Where are you?

Max!

Max. Look, I wouldn't ask, all right,

I wouldn't, not if it wasn't important.

Can you have a word with your brother?

Which one, Derek?

-He's up to something.

-That's a surprise(!)

-Max, it's something iffy.

-Yeah, hold the front page!

It's some sort of job.

What sort of job?

I don't know, but he's got Alfie mixed up in it.

Right, and you want me to find out what it is?

He might be my brother but I'm not going to go sticking my nose in.

I'm attached to it, you know?

Come on, just a quick word, that's all I'm asking.

Alfie is a big boy. He can look after himself.

SHE SIGHS

Abi, give me a hand with these bags, will ya, please?

In a minute.

Why, what's so important?

-Nothing.

-Well, you won't have a problem telling me, will ya?

-It's private.

-Private!

-Leave the girl alone.

-Only asking.

Yeah, and she's told you. It's private!

Meaning a boy.

Have you said something?

No.

You just have, though.

Alfie, look, it's me.

Can you just please call me when you get...

this message?

Jean!

Jean, what's happening?

I'm signing this delivery docket.

Alfie's car.

Oh! He's had to go away for a bit.

Derek's looking after it.

What d'you mean, go...? Where's he gone?

Search me!

Not literally, obviously!

I did ask. Derek didn't say.

Just said, "He's gone off,"

and I said, "Like a piece of meat that's past its sell-by date?"

He just took the keys and went. That man's got no sense of humour.

And he's OK, is he?

And he definitely hasn't missed any classes?

OK, thanks. Well, just keep me posted, yeah?

Trouble?

No...but there's no harm in checking, is there?

I told you, it don't matter what Ben said,

his head's all over the place right now.

He managed to get to school on time and he ain't bunked off any classes.

At least that's some good news.

So who is it? Is it a skanky little boy from school?

Skanky?!

-We're down with the kids these days, aren't we?

-Well?

Ahem... No, he's not from school.

-I bet he's skanky, then.

-I never said that.

There's got to be some reason you're both being so cagey.

Are you seeing Jay again?

-I know you don't owe him any favours.

-You took the words out of my mouth!

-But he could be in real trouble.

-Well, he deserves it.

(Phil, please?)

-What do you want me to do?

-Just find out what he's got Alfie into.

And how am I supposed to do that?

Ask him!

-You lost your tongue suddenly?

-He's not going to tell me!

So what do I do? Why is Derek going to tell me anything, eh?

Cos, Phil, you might be a little more persuasive than me.

Oh, I see. In other words, lean on him?

If that don't work, lean on him more, next thing, World War Three's broken out!

Oh, right. It's not like you to duck a fight, is it?

It's not like me to fight battles for others.

This is simple, Alfie's got himself in trouble...again.

Alfie's got involved in something that he shouldn't have done...again.

And I...I don't give a monkey's!

Can I just have two teas, please, Marie?

Thank you.

So what happened?

The psych report?

I thought that'd be it - one look at what that shrink said

and the school would tell you to go and put your feet up.

What does he know, anyway?

I don't know. What did he say?

A load of rubbish.

-Meaning?

-Meaning, a load of rubbish, Jay.

Ben.

What did he say?

It's a waste of time.

-We've got to take something.

-No, we haven't!

What, we just go and eat their food and then say thanks?

-Tanya doesn't expect anything.

-Makes it even worse.

-Excuse me.

Oh, happy birthday.

Oh, late card from my brother, AJ.

Wonderful excuse to eat more cake.

Huh.

Why don't we give them some of the two for one?

Yeah, nice idea.

We go and eat their food and give them

some cut-price, mouldy old chocolate to say thanks.

There's six of them, so that means you only pay for four.

-Three.

-That's what I meant.

-I know you did.

-Do I get another bar, then?

-Tiff!

-What, for working that out too?

Bianca?

It's fine. As it happens, you are really good with the kids

and sums, ain't you, Masood?

-Jay's had a tough time lately.

-Oh, yeah?

He'll have a worse one when I get hold of him.

-I'm just glad I can help him.

-Oh, is that what you call it, yeah?

Yes, it is, so don't be so juvenile!

He's special to me and he's in a bad place,

and I'm making it better.

Please, Dad. Do not make me feel bad about doing something good.

-How old is she?

-How old are you?

-DOOR BELL RINGS

-"Is that what you call it?"

-Addams Family are here. I'm off.

No, you're not. Give me that.

-We've already had Abs go walkabouts.

-We all know where she's gone.

Do not go anywhere!

Hello!

Come in!

Marie, can I have a cup of tea to go, please?

Oi, Roxy, what's so important, cos you've been blanking me all day?

I'm trying to get hold of someone, OK?

-What? Hair appointment?

-I keep getting the answerphone.

Hold on a minute, hold on.

Alf...?

Alfie? Alfie, are you there?

Alfie, talk to me. Alfie, it's me!

'Are you there?'

Hello?

No, sorry. Wrong number.

Is that the report?

-It was.

-Phil's going to want to see what it says, ain't he?

He's probably forgotten about it by now.

-He mentioned it this morning, Ben.

-Well, if it ain't here...

But it is, innit?

So, let's take a look.

I'm not saying it's a good thing.

-Obviously, cos then you might have told me.

-But I'm not saying it's a bad thing.

Jay Mitchell? It's all bad where he's concerned.

-Not according to Abi.

-What does she know?

-Enough to put you in your place.

This is like history repeating itself.

All right, fair enough, I know I've said all this before.

No, Max. I mean, my mum.

Lecturing me about you.

Really? Interfering wombat.

The point is, Max,

I followed my heart.

And, no, I'm not saying it's the same,

but I'm not saying it isn't, either.

It's going to get cold!

There's a promotion on down the Minute Mart,

two for the price of one.

Looked at it, and I instantly thought of you.

Now I've seen you, though,

I don't know whether two bars is going to be enough.

Well, we both know how it works, don't we?

One bar, that's for when you're in pain...

..two bars, when you're in agony...

..but this is a married man we're talking about, Rox.

I know.

You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?

Yeah, I would.

That's why I've got three and four.

SHE LAUGHS

Thank you.

Hey.

-So, Tiff's got a tutor.

-Yeah, well, kind of.

Mas, but he's been good, been really patient with her.

Helping you through your adding up?

-Taking away.

-Yeah, and that an' all.

Tiff, Tiff. Please, can you calm down a bit?

-No-one's going to take it off you.

-Like to see 'em try.

Look at her, it's like she ain't eaten for a month.

Give her a couple of months, she'll be doing algebra and stuff, won't you?

What's that?

Just something old people used to do.

Morgan, what are you doing?

Nothing.

Morgan?!

What is that?

-No!

-What...? Let go!

-What?

-BIANCA GASPS

They were for later.

Alfie?

-All right, darling?

-Are you all right? Are you hurt?

No, I'm fine, sweetheart. Why?

You haven't been answering your phone.

-No, I lost it, didn't I?

-Derek answered it.

-Brilliant!

He must have found it. You know, when it drops down the side...

He told Jean you wouldn't be back for ages,

then some blokes drove off in your car...

-Listen, he made me get in the car with him and then...

-No, shut up!

Listen to me, I thought he was going to do...

Thought what, eh?

I was impressed, the boy did well.

Or was you going to say something else?

Hmm?

He was collecting my laundry.

That was the job, was it?

Yeah, what did you think it was?

I'm sorry if I gave anyone the wrong impression.

Oi, oi, oi!

Rox, for Heaven's sake, what are you doing, darling?! Rox?

Rox, what are you doing?

Oh, and...thanks, Alf.

Yeah, cheers, Derek.

Rox, what's the matter with you?

-Just calm down.

-Get off me!

-Calm down!

Tiff's got a little something to say thanks.

Oh, you...

Thank you, you didn't need to...

They were two for one. But I ate some.

-Shut up, Morgan.

-I've got something for you too.

-You might as well have it, I'm not into Sauvignon.

-I am.

And for the kids, cos... You were enjoying these, weren't you?

Yeah, we were only going to bin 'em.

Hang on, you're doing it again. So, you was either going to bin 'em or give 'em to us?

No, he didn't mean that.

-Course he didn't!

-Come on, B, it's just a thought.

Nice thought, nice, but we've got spuds at home, thanks.

-No, we haven't.

-We have, come on.

-What about my roasties?

-Morgan!

Sorry.

-See ya.

-See ya later.

-What?

-"Going to throw 'em in the bin"?!

Don't pull any punches, does he?

Well, I've only met him once, he don't know anything about me, well, not really.

This ain't really about you, is it? Most of it's about me.

-He don't know you, either.

-Ain't stopped hanging me out to dry.

He don't understand anything about us.

He keeps going on about how...

..how you want to be like me...

..and do what I do.

What's wrong with that? You're my dad.

According to him, that's the problem.

So, what are you saying?

No, you're not turning on me, too, are you?

No, never, son. I promise you. Never.

It's just... Don't you see what he's saying here?

You know, what's happened with Heather...

I haven't told him anything about that.

Was that you doing what you thought I'd do?

-Is that what this is all about?

-He don't know anything about it.

Ben, look, you're my son... and I love you.

Yeah, I know.

Not according to this, you don't. According to this...

Look, Dad, I've told you, it's got nothing to do with it!

Ben.

Ben, you're my son and you always will be.

And you never, never have to prove yourself to me.

Yeah, I know.

So what d'you do that for?

Alfie, leave me alone.

No, no, no, listen! Rox, the bloke is a psychopath.

-You cannot go round hitting psychos!

-Alfie, please.

Especially now - the bloke's losing it, big time.

You should have seen him today. Firstly, he drags me... You saw it.

I get in the car, couple of big heavies get in,

we drive round, chatting away - nice as pie, seriously -

and then he asks me to pick up his laundry.

We come back and he asks to borrow the Capri.

I mean, what's all that about?

What it's about, Alfie, is really simple.

-Meaning?

-He's worked it out, hasn't he?

Worked what out? I...

Sending you off on that stupid, stupid errand

and then coming back here to twist the knife.

What you on about?

-You know what? Just, just, please go.

-No, no. Go where?

-Leave me alone!

-First, stop shouting. Second, you're talking out your backside.

-What are you on about?

-We ain't going to get a minute's peace now,

-not now he's got this new stick to hit us with.

-Rox, what stick?

Why can't you see?! Do you really not understand?

I can't believe you can't see it and he can,

because he's got it well and truly sussed.

I thought I was going to lose my mind today, OK?

I thought he'd done something, Alfie, and he loved it.

He loved seeing me in that sort of state

and the worse I got, the more he loved it, so he's got me,

hasn't he? He's got me, which means he's going to do it again and again and again.

OK, listen, today was... Today was just a misunderstanding.

To be honest with you, I don't quite get it myself.

Today was a game, Alfie, and I fell for it.

-Look at you.

-What?

How can he see it and you can't?

Rox, seriously, sweetheart... I don't understand what...

I love you.

OK, and grandad loves Roxy...!

I love you, Alfie Moon.

You get it now?

Please just go.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd