01/06/2012 EastEnders

PHONE RINGING

Woo, you're so fit, huh?

Ha(!)

Bobby, get down here. You're going to make me late!

I need some dinner money.

CHANGE CLINKING

-What's that going to buy me?

-That's all I've got.

-Dad gives you twice that.

-Yeah, well, Dad isn't here, is he?

SHE SIGHS What happened to breakfast in bed?

I was uncomfortable and bored of waiting.

You NEED to relax!

I will be tonight -

when you buy me dinner at this amazing Parisian restaurant.

That's my girl.

I think this baby really wants to come out.

That's why you need to relax. You need to go upstairs, put your feet up, take the day off.

Yeah, as amazing as that sounds,

some of us have got a business to run.

Oh, come on, Patrick, man! Look, down...

Down a bit, down.

No, not so far, man. Come on, bring it up.

Up, up, up, up, up...

No!

-Where was it again?

-Make up your mind now, woman!

-You know what?

As long as they can see my name, yeah?

Eh, what? You going to leave me dangling here?

They can take their logo but they can't take my name.

So, you've decided to join us, then, have you?

-I needed my beauty sleep.

-Yeah, I've been up since the crack of dawn!

I've been up since the crack of...

-Here, have you read this?

-No, I haven't had time.

That creep couldn't get a story, so what does he do? Make one up.

And look at that, not even a name check for the B&B.

The banner's up. It's official. We're opening this evening.

Home sweet home, eh?

Well, I suppose I'd better move back in, then, eh?

Eh, before you start unpacking, the both of you,

there is work to be done!

Hey, I hope those rooms are ready for my Jubilee bookings?

-Yes, well, maybe if you pulled your finger out!

-I've been making a list.

It's the personal touches that make all the difference.

I'll stick these in the downstairs khazi?

Yeah, all right, then. Yeah, you do that, thanks. PHONE RINGING

Kim's Palace?

Yeah.

POSH ACCENT: Er, yeah, we do have limited vacancies, yeah.

I could offer you the Linford Christie Suite.

With a 10% promotional discount and a complimentary lunchbox.

Yeah, it's complimentary, yeah.

-Maybe I should pop over?

-If you have any sense,

you'll steer clear until the party.

You're right, we'll arrive fashionably late.

And I want everyone to make an effort. That includes you, Tamwar!

Sorry, are you seriously expecting us all to go?

Of course! I gave them the money to invest in that eyesore.

No way, I'm not setting foot in the place.

You'll be fine, Afia.

It is important for us all to be seen again.

We are upwardly mobile. Your father's going to get a promotion.

It's time we showed this Square that we are a family to be reckoned with.

-You sure you're up to this?

-What, knocking out a few motors?

Well, nah, this is a proper job, innit?

What, are you trying to say I can't do an honest day's work, are ya?

Who'd have thought it, eh? Derek Branning on the straight and narrow.

Go on, on your way, on your way. You're cramping my style!

I'll be at the gym, yeah? And remember...smile.

Hey, good boy!

Hello, Cora, love.

Max is at the auctions. I said I'd look after the place for him.

Bet that put his mind at rest(!) How'd it go with Alice?

DEREK EXHALES

What were you thinking of, eh? Showing her that letter?

I was trying to patch things up between you.

-I thought you'd be grateful.

-I am.

I tell you what, though, she ain't half hard to please.

Runs in the family.

She caught me trying to knock out some of that Mickey Mouse money.

Oh! I don't know why I bother.

It's all right, it's all right, I'm going to make it up to her.

I'm going to try and go straight.

No time like the present.

-You've got a punter.

-Ohh!

I mean, how hard can it be, eh?

CORA LAUGHS

Good morning, sir. How are you? Nice to meet you.

There you go, babes.

-You are now officially off the market.

-Thanks.

So, you heard from him?

(No.)

-He probably just needs a bit more time on his own.

-Yeah.

And you? You all right?

Well, Bobby's just missing his dad.

Yeah, well, he will be back in no time!

You know where I am if you need me, eh?

See ya.

-You going to go to school now?

-What?

-So somebody can take our house while we're gone?

-Yo, Juicy Lucy, how is my favourite blonde?

Really late for work. Bobby isn't feeling too well.

-OK.

-I can't take him to the caff.

Luce, you know what, I'd love to help, babe,

-but I've got to put together my set list for the B&B opening...

-Fine.

Forget I asked.

-Move, Bobby!

-Luce, it's just... It's just things I've gotta do, babe.

-My dad died in that fire.

-I know, Afia. I was there, remember?

So why are we even considering this?

-Because you know what it's like when Mum wants to go...

-Am I interrupting?

Ah! Zulekha!

Where have you been?

Walking...in Malam Jabba!

You went to Pakistan? I am SO jealous.

Three weeks of mountain air.

-Back to Walford with a bump.

-Tell me about it.

Big hole -

-kind of need you to dig me out of it.

-Shoot.

Speed dating, I'm hosting an event next week.

-You are?

-Yes, some friends roped me into it.

-Anyway, the venue's fallen through.

-You want to have it here?

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT OK. Hello, speed dating,

people talk and then they move table. No-one's got time to eat.

-Well, everyone pays a cover charge and it's already fully booked.

-Yeah, Mum would kill us, though.

-Here we go again.

-It's morally dubious and lowers the tone.

Yeah, and in case you'd forgotten, this isn't HER restaurant.

OK, it was just a suggestion.

Yeah, it might be fun? I mean, we could...

Afia, it's not going to happen.

Mind your back, mind your back!

Oh!

-Just mind the table, yeah?

-I need to just get under...

-Come on, Patrick, put some welly into it!

-All right!

Mind the ceiling, I've just got some wallpaper... Please, be careful.

Hey, babe.

-Hiya.

-It's lunchtime,

so I thought you could do with a small pair of hands.

Ah! # Mr Lover Man! #

Yes, well, I'm glad someone's offered to help.

I can't believe you're dumping me!

Look, babe, I'm working, all right? I ain't got the time for this.

You found the time to go and see Morgan, though.

So what, you hard at it?

-Yeah, busy, busy!

-Look, I'll pop over later with some ice, yeah?

-All right, then.

-All right.

-Hm-mm.

Better get a wiggle on.

You know what? I need to get a wiggle on it as well, yeah?

And WHERE do you think you're going?

-To Bootys for a pre-party pampering...

-No...

-No.

-Just...

-No!

You are not going to leave me here to do all the graft.

-Yeah, but these nails are not going to polish themselves, are they?

-No...

-No.

-..and neither are them windows.

Yeah? How long are you gone for?

-Dirty weekend.

-Well, it's all right for some, innit?

Got to keep 'em keen.

-Must be where I was going wrong.

-Probably, yeah.

I've been trying to call you.

-I've just been a bit busy, Jean.

-Did you get my messages?

It's just that I need that £10,000 back.

You're beginning to mess me about a bit, Jean.

It's Roxy, she's asking questions.

-All SORTS of questions!

-What d'you say?

Well, nothing, cos it's our little secret, isn't it?

But she's seen the books, she's seen the figures

-and she knows that the safe's empty.

-All right, OK, erm...

It's just that if she talks to Alf...

Yes, just put a sock in it so I can think, will you?

I need that money back by today, Michael.

I'll see what I can manage.

I KNEW you'd sort it!

Meet me in the Vic, yeah?

The Vic.

Oi, what you playing at?

MICHAEL LAUGHS She's got a little, er, got a little thing for me.

-You've got to indulge 'em!

-You are SICK!

Sick head!

So, what are you doing, then?

Reading. You should try it sometime.

I read.

Horoscopes don't count.

So you're just going to sit there with your nose in a book?

If it stops me from looking at those hideous walls.

OK...

Forensic detective work.

You find the toilets

and examine them very carefully for any evidence of dirt.

What's in it for me?

Mmm, ten quid should cover it.

Call it 20 -

some of us ain't THAT cheap.

Hello, why isn't Bobby at school?

Tummy ache.

Doesn't look very ill to me.

-Was there something you wanted?

-Oh, yes, change for the shop, please.

You know, if he's poorly, he should actually be at home.

-What's it got to do with you?

-I'm a concerned neighbour.

Or perhaps you'd like me to call Social Services?

How you doing, Mrs M?

You all right, Bobby? Come on, let's get you home, eh?

-You're looking after him?

-Yeah, course!

-DVDs, games, chicken soup.

-Cool.

That's all the medicine he needs - Doctor Fats!

I'm still going to bring it up with Ian.

-You do that.

-I mean, what kind of loser abandons his children, hm?

I thought you were busy?

-Never too busy to help out a mate.

-Come on, then!

Come on, then, little man.

COMPUTER BEEPS Argh!

A guest wants to book some tickets for Mamma Mia!

Why won't it let me in?!

I've got a free study period this afternoon.

I can book them for you, if you want?

I'm waiting for the catch.

-Only trying to help.

-All right, all right!

-Look, this stays between us.

-I'll need a credit card.

See you later, yeah? All right, bye.

What's this? You checking up on me, are you?

Those cars won't sell themselves.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahem!

You sold that coupe?

-Ah, it was child's play.

-Yeah, beginner's luck!

Even got the asking price - less my commission, of course.

-Well, maybe I'll stick around. Show you how it's supposed to be done.

-Oh, yeah?

Well, come on, then, show me what you got. I'll be watching you!

-Yeah? Come on, then.

-Yeah, I'll be watching you. THEY CHUCKLE

-I'm telling you, something ain't right.

-I thought you said you were going to back off?

Alfie's back soon. He'll sort it out then.

Here, Rosie? You read this?

Your Andrew, he's right back in the frame!

Yeah, he's been moping around all morning.

I'll kill that flaming journalist!

If you didn't make us go after those wretched Lions, I mean...

You shouldn't have started choking!

Hey, Mrs C, Mr T, meet your MC for the B&B!

-Come again?

-Fat Boy's doing the music tonight.

Yeah, some hot summer tunes to shake your hips to!

I may be persuaded to swing my tush!

Yeah, yeah, man, we could do with a party, can't we?

Count me in - as long as they've built a decent fire exit!

PHONE RINGS

Michael?

Yeah, I went to the bank this morning, so...

I couldn't get it all out, though.

OK, well, how much?

Keep the change. Enough to get Rox off your back.

Just sit tight and I'll bring it over.

JEAN EXHALES

(Yes!) Ah!

I think you've got explaining to do.

First you sabotage the church and then you cancel the reception.

I mean, anyone would think that you didn't want to get married, Michael.

It was all a bit Essex, the church. You deserved better, I thought.

-You said it.

-You know, a better venue and...

I was just going to go to the bank, so...

Oh, well, I've saved you a journey.

What's that?

-Country club?

-Mmm-hmm, discreet, exclusive...

Expensive.

I thought you said that you wanted to spoil me?

They've offered us some dates,

and I think if we pay cash deposit then they'll know we mean business.

Enjoy her, yeah?

See? Sometimes you just need the soft touch.

Yeah, soft touch, that's always been your problem, innit?

I could have got another oner out of him.

Well, listen, you sell that Merc, I'll give you the money meself.

Silly money, this car, sir. Practically giving it away.

Got to work on your people skills, mate.

-Oi, I'm a born communicator, me.

-Yeah? You're certainly talking something, that's for sure.

-I'm bringing a bit of class to this forecourt, that's what I'm doing.

-Oh, right.

-On your way.

Now, I'm glad you looked at this car, sir. Let me tell you this...

-Patrick!

-Hmm-mm?

-What do think?

Ta-da!

Lost for words.

-Right, that is the bedrooms finished.

-Good, good!

No thanks to some people.

OK, bathroom checked, and just time for a little soak.

-Third row tickets for Mamma Mia!

-Oh, bless you, babe! Thank you.

I'm going to pass this on to the guest with a nice tidy mark-up,

which we will split between us. # Mamma Mia

# Here I go again

# My, my... #

I can't believe people still think I killed her.

Today's headlines, tomorrow's rubbish.

You know, it's times like this you realise who your friends are.

Oh... Andrew, there's something I need to tell you...

You're good to me, Patrick.

I didn't choke.

I was just pretending I was, you know?

You made me think you were dying?!

Yeah, well, your mother and me,

we felt we needed to distract you from the Moon boy.

-My mum was in on this?

-Yeah, well, we were just trying to help.

By digging it all up? Heather will be turning in her grave.

Andrew...

Let's get to this party before all the free booze runs out.

-You all right, Jean?

-Yes, I'm fine!

I wish people would stop asking me that!

Why the sudden rush?

Well, you know, you still need to pack - that tends to take a while.

-Go on, get it there.

-What are you doing?

-JANINE CHUCKLES

The sooner I have you all to myself, the happier I'll be.

(That's it.)

All right!

Turn up the music! This Fox is ready to party.

I'm glad one of them is.

-You know what, D? You need to lighten up.

-In case you'd forgotten,

I'm supposed to be a partner in this business. Not your hired skivvy!

Yeah, well, let's just remember whose name is above the door, yeah?

If I weren't here to run things, you wouldn't last five minutes.

-Oh, please!

-You just got Sasha a detention?

-I did?!

Her school teacher caught her booking some theatre tickets.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, you did not tell me that.

-With your credit card!

-Technically that's fraud.

-What was she doing with it?

-Helping me out!

-Seems like everyone's been helping you out.

-She made me clean the toilets.

-What?!

OK, Kim, Kim, what exactly have YOU done today?

-Aside from passing the buck?

-Maybe we should calm down?

No, no, Patrick, it's good to clear the air, yeah? So, come on...

anybody else want a pop? Fat Boy?

Come on, give us your best shot!

Andrew? Come on!

Hit me when I'm down.

Because clearly I'm some kind of...

-Liability?

-No, no, no, flaming liability.

This customer finance plan, the figures don't tally.

Oh, well, that's a shame, innit? Cos he's already signed the agreement.

You've bumped up the figures, ain't ya?

-I may have massaged them a little.

-You know what, you have to do things your way, don't you?

-What's that supposed to mean?

-It means you can't even go straight and narrow.

-Not even for Alice.

-Oi, you leave my Alice out of this!

Let's just face facts,

you're always going to be on the wrong side of shady.

Look, I'm trying to do the right thing by that g...

Here, d'you know what?

You tell Max he can stick his motors and his clapped out old bangers.

I've got better things to do with my time!

I hope you're pleased with yourself?

Patrick, save it, cos all I've had today is earache.

Yeah, while we've been bursting our guts getting this place open.

You think I don't know that?

Well, a little bit of gratitude wouldn't go amiss.

Look, if you want to get this place going,

let me tell you something, young lady,

you have to step up, you know.

Hmph!

But what if I fall flat on my face? Huh?

I was all right doing odd shifts at the Vic, you know.

Sometimes I just wish that this place was still rubble.

Then I wouldn't have to do all of this.

I mean, the Kim I know, she ain't scared of anything at all.

Yeah, well, she's scared, all right.

Just very good at hiding it.

It's an adventure and we're all on it for the ride, OK?

Maybe Denise is right?

Maybe I ain't got what it takes?

Well, you ain't going to find out lying down there.

I don't mind if you want to go to the party.

It won't be up to much.

Besides, I'd rather stay at home with my little brother.

Maybe Dad will call?

Maybe.

I mean, he's been away for days.

Well...we're doing just fine without him, aren't we?

No arguments, you're...

Hey, babe.

Sasha has something that she'd like to say.

I got the detention on purpose.

But if she hadn't made me do all the work...

OK, OK.

Maybe I was out of order. I'm sorry, if you are.

You say it first.

All right, guys, guys. Let's just enjoy the party, shall we?

# My party! #

# Everyone's party! #

Interesting colour scheme.

It's enough to make your eyes water.

Place looks like a knocking shop!

-How do you know?

-THEY LAUGH

-Hello and welcome to my palace.

-It looks a bit different to the last time I saw it!

-I thought I'd bling it up a bit, you know what I mean?

-Kim, I'm completely blown away.

Well, if the gays like it, I must be doing something right!

You know what? Really, I love what you've done with the place. I do.

-You know me, Rox. You know, creative juices...

-Top up?

Thank you.

And I had some help.

Here we go, speech time!

OK, OK, OK! Listen up! Listen up, yeah?

All right.

I'd like to thank you all for coming to the grand opening.

-Wahey, wahey, wahey!

-Thank you.

And I have to give a special thanks to the people that's helped me to make this happen.

I've got to thank my family, who I couldn't have done it without. CROWD CHEERS

And my beautiful, sexy boyfriend!

CROWD MURMURS Yeah, yeah, you can look but you can't touch!

-More's the pity!

-THEY LAUGH

Sasha! Yeah, you've been a great help,

and, of course, my fabulous friends.

So, please, feel free to take the tour.

Enjoy the tunes and tell everybody that we're open.

But, before you do, please, raise a glass for the toast from the host.

Kim's Palace!

-ALL:

-Kim's Palace!

All right!

D'you know what, I have to say, it's been a nightmare of a year,

but, you know, we're still living the dream

and, for me, Kimmy has risen, like the phoenix from the ashes and...

Nice one.

Michael?

Ah! I can't decide.

Take 'em both, you'll only change your mind. PHONE RINGS

Jean?!

When is that woman going to leave you alone?

-Taxi's here in five minutes.

-Oh! Well, I might even be ready.

Oh!

BANGING ON DOOR

Michael?

JEAN PANTS

SHE HAMMERS ON THE DOOR

Michael?!

Are you in there?

SHE HAMMERS ON THE DOOR

Oh, Jack! Jack...

you haven't seen Michael anywhere, have you?

-Yeah, well, he's gone away, ain't he?

-No, he can't have!

Listen, Jean, you want to lay off a bit, yeah?

I don't know what you're talking about? Oh, doesn't matter!

Erm...er...

Bad day at the office?

Ha, you could say that.

If you want to absolve your misdemeanours, Derek,

you might want to think of doing a couple of shifts at the charity shop.

Do us a favour, Cora! I've still got me standards.

You know what?

I'll never be the mother Tanya wanted,

and she's known me all her life.

How long have you known Alice? Five minutes?

Give it some time.

I dunno, maybe I'm beyond redemption?

"We're all sinners, Derek," as Dot would say.

If Alice wants her dad back, she's got to take you as she finds you.

Cora Cross, you are a genius.

I mean, if she thinks I'm going straight...

well, that's all that matters, innit?

Oh!

THEY LAUGH

Best I just go back to Southend.

Don't blame Patrick, it was my fault.

I just couldn't bear to see you looking so hurt.

I wanted to do something for you.

There are people in the Square who care about you.

Yeah? Well, they've got a funny way of showing it.

I know what you think of me. But I've been worried.

I've been worried sick. I'd do anything to make you feel better.

I miss her, Mum.

I know you do, love.

Come and stay at Dot's.

Let me look after you?

How are you bearing up?

It's Afia I'm worried about.

Yeah, well, I can see she's having fun.

-I need to borrow your boyfriend.

-As long as you bring him back!

You're such a spoilsport.

Here, you taking DSS, then?

-Only I can send a few people round your way.

-Certainly not.

I am not living next door to another halfway house, thank you.

I'm glad you saw sense and decided to come.

I'm doing it for Tam.

Can't quite believe they've finished this place.

Yeah, well, we couldn't have done it without you, Zee.

I'm glad the money could be put to good use.

My dad's dirty money.

-Can we please lose the face, Afia, all right?

-Zainab?

Look, she's ruining the party.

All right, I'll go.

No, I think you've said enough.

I'll be needing those keys.

See you!

OK, bad idea. We should never have come.

Try telling your mother that.

She's just worried about you, Afia.

All she cares about is keeping up appearances.

Yeah, but we're just trying to make the best of things.

Well, maybe I want more than that.

Afia?

Zulekha? Yeah, it's Afia.

Listen, about the speed dating, well, we'd really like to host it.

I mean, that's if you still want us to?

Oh, and I'll even let you check out the talent from behind the bar.

Michael! Oh!

JEAN PANTS AND GASPS

I've been looking for you everywhere!

Sorry, something came up, Jean, you know what I mean?

-Well, I waited in the Vic, like you said...

-I'm a bit pushed now.

Yeah, well, you said you'd got some of the money for me.

What money?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd