05/06/2012 EastEnders

60 years on the throne, and this is what she gets?

Hello. It's me...again.

I can take a joke, Michael.

"What money?" It was very funny.

It's just that...

I can't sleep at the moment

and I was wondering if...

Well, could you just give me a ring back when you get this?

Just ring.

No. That's not actually where I said.

-But it looks good here, though.

-No, no, I'm events manager

and I'm managing, thank you.

PEN CLICKS

CLICKING CONTINUES

OK, Jean, cavalry's here.

-I didn't order any cavalry.

-No, not a real cavalry - me.

-Jean's doing fine.

-Fine?!

Why don't you just go over to Buckingham Palace

-and poke her eye out with a blunt stick?

-It's for the Queen.

-She deserves better than THIS.

-Thank you!

-Although I am dealing with this.

-Why don't you get a coffee, Jean?

Rose and I can take over.

I don't want a coffee.

Rose? If we wanted incompetence we'd just leave Jean in charge - no offence.

Offence taken.

-That is really not very nice.

-Jean is actually in charge.

So what you doing here? You still ain't told me.

-Alfie left ME to oversee.

-Well, I'm back now.

Oh! It gets worse. Come on, Masood.

-I've got an extra shift at the sorting office.

-But this is meant to be fun!

It's a family day, you know, people celebrating the Jubilee.

-Rose, let's make a list.

-I'm drawing up a list.

-We've got a list.

-But Masood's helping me.

-Bank holiday - double pay.

-So we can afford the new sofa?

-No, we can't afford a new sofa. It's not all about the sofa.

Ray, Mo and me are fine.

-Thank you.

-Actually, I could do with spending some time with Morgan.

MASOOD: It's no big secret. Do you want me to get this promotion?

-Yes, but I can't look after Kamil and organise an entire Jubilee!

-Would you all just go, please?

This is meant to be about family.

-I love you.

-Huh!

All right, then. Decorations!

I'm sorting the decorations.

-The decorations do not need sorting. Nothing needs sorting.

-See?

-ROXY: Jean, maybe you sho...

-There is a schedule, drawn up by the events manager,

with allotted tasks for allotted people.

None of you are allotted people.

Fresh air, outside - go. Now!

12 o'clock is fine. Yeah, I'm free all day.

Same address as last time?

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

We'll go for a 1952 theme.

-Uh, it's 2012.

-We're going for 1952.

-We should be celebrating Britain today.

-Tyler! I need you.

-Don't we all!

-Behave yourself.

We've got two full Englishes on Seb Coe,

we've got a scrambled on brown for Radcliffe...

And what was it...

Kim! Extra sausage for Colin Jackson.

I'm working.

What's that - in the Pretty Woman sense of the word, is that?

-It's called customer service.

-Yeah?

It'll be customer self-service

if you don't get your backside in that kitchen.

Excuse me.

Denise? At the heart of a good business

is a hostess with a good heart, you know?

Earlier today, a phone call - four more bookings for Monday.

-You think it's every day we have a Queen on the throne that long?

-We've got a restaurant to run.

-She doesn't spend that much time on the throne.

-Who cares about the Queen?

-Afia!

-The sooner we have a president the better.

-Why can't Dad look after Kamil?

-You tell me. He's up to something.

-Like what?

I don't know, do I?

-Come on, we need to go!

-OK, fine. OK, just go.

Go have fun together. Do the things that young people do.

-Yeah, like folding napkins - crazy(!)

-Leave me to worry about your father,

to find a babysitter, to organise a party for the entire world...

DOOR CLOSES

This is meant to be a family day!

DOOR OPENS

-Hello, Billy.

-They ain't back.

Gone for a dirty weekend.

-I saw them go. I just wondered if they might be...

-No, no, no.

So, what was that all about, abolishing the entire monarchy?

You think your mum's going to let us run speed dating?

We're not running speed dating.

Well...

Afia, what have you done? Afia!

-You all right, Juice?

-Yeah. Three businesses, one pair of hands...

And a floor full of soap suds. Bobby!

-Sorry.

-You know what,

it's a good thing your dad's coming back today then, innit?

-Yeah, he's staying a bit longer. Nurse his broken heart.

-What?!

And leave you here all by yourself? That ain't fair.

You couldn't take Bobby for a couple of hours again, could you?

Luce, man, I'm working. Mr Hot Pepper sauce, he ain't going to have any of that.

-CRASH!

-Bobby!

Jack... You seen Michael?

I know that he went to Paris - I saw him go to Paris.

I was just wondering if he was back from Paris. Is everything OK?

Jean, he's not interested, all right?

I hear thing's are going well. Here, I mean, with the gym.

-Yeah, things are heaving.

-Hooray!

Ticketty-boo. And the disadvantaged kids project?

-In Your Corner?

-Sorry, you lost me.

You know, getting kids off the street, keeping them out of trouble,

boost their confidence, they do better at school.

In...In Your Corner?

-Jean...

-The money from the council?

You must've got the wrong gym, darling.

Your mother has taken over the Vic's Jubilee celebrations.

I have not taken over anything!

Jean wanted my expertise, your father is acting all weird,

your brother is at the restaurant, so that leaves you.

Well, we've got Yasmin.

Do you want everyone to think that no-one is ready to help your family out?

-No. Christian can babysit.

-Mum, you can't just come in...

-The last time they were together Yasmin bit him.

-She is teething!

He is her uncle, not a rusk! Come on, Syed.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

-Sorry.

-That's OK.

-Bye-bye. See you.

-Bye.

OK, let me just check, OK?

Erm, Dee, I'm in with you tonight, yeah? Patrick's on the sofa.

-The bookings... The four bookings.

-For NEXT Monday!

It's not my fault, though, is it?

Mondays shouldn't all have the same names.

60 years.

Time goes so fast.

Right. That is the last of it from the Emporium.

Mum took Dorothy and me to watch the procession.

I had a new hat.

We had the day off school.

So I pitched marbles and played cricket all day.

We went to Jo Langston's house,

her dad bought a telly specially.

-I'd never seen a telly!

-You'd never seen a telly before?

I was a gymslip mum with a baby.

You was a gymslip mum?

You lot think you invented sex.

The Coronation meant a day off from the chicken factory,

a pub full of soldiers, and quick a knee-trembler round the back!

God save the Queen!

Hear, hear.

Must have come unplugged during the cleaning.

-Was it?

-Yeah.

That's awful.

We wouldn't want to miss Alfie, would we? If he rings.

-Jean, is there something you're...

-Why don't you go upstairs? Relax!

I'll be fine, really.

With the customers.

And the party planning.

And the phone.

-Pint of the usual?

-Yes, please.

SPLUTTERING

-Oh. I'll go and change the barrel.

-No!

-We need beer.

Come on, Syed, hurry up!

-What... What is all this old tat?

-We've got enough hands now, thank you.

-Oh, well, if we're really not needed...

-No, no. We want modern, we want fun.

-Yeah, exactly.

-What is this? The Antiques Roadshow?

Jean? Jean, why is the cellar empty?

Yes... Um... What do you mean, empty?

We had a delivery on Thursday.

That's right... Oh, yeah, it was short.

What?!

Jean, where's all the food?

Food...?

-For the party?

-Yes, I... I placed the order.

I said she wasn't coping.

So I'm missing time with my son for this?!

It's a bank holiday! Where am I supposed to get stuff from?

Well, they still had rationing, didn't they, back then? In 1952.

Rationing?

-Great party(!)

-Yeah, let's all eat Spam.

It's OK. I've got a plan.

-Come on, Patrick.

-Yeah. Come on, Syed.

-No, I've got a plan!

-PHONE RINGS

-Wait, wait...

Queen Vic?

Alfie!

No, no. Everything's fine!

Toasting the Queen and all that.

No, there's nothing for you to be worried about.

That's wonderful! Really wonderful.

-See you then.

-Jean...? Hello? I said I wanted a word.

And you can have a word. On Wednesday.

When Alfie comes home.

Good. Good.

Right here. Like my dad and Pat had.

A big marquee. An enormous marquee.

And the country club? The deposit on that, we just...?

-It's only money.

-Yeah.

We can have waiters serving champagne,

and the unwashed watching.

Lovely. You going to trade me up as well, are you?

Now there's an idea.

I hate you.

I hate you too.

-Why are you going against me? We agreed.

-You're just worried what Mummy might say.

No, I'm not, OK. Why do you do this?

You wind her up.

Look, I want to run speed dating, so I'm running speed dating.

Yeah, cos you know she'll hate it.

Because I want to make a success of this place!

-Is that so wrong?

-OK. Why don't you just tell her, then?

Because she hijacks everything!

No... Actually, she can be quite reasonable.

Almost. Sometimes.

Right. I need beer, lots of it. Now. Syed!

Sometimes.

The trick is, you gotta try and block out everything that's going on around you.

-You gotta block out.

-Fascinating. Is that how you do it?

Just gotta focus on the torch.

Very proud of you, Billy.

A lot of people, they wouldn't be able to do that.

But me? Focused.

Would you like to show me where you're going to hand it over?

Along here, ain't it?

-Yeah. Right, you see, technically, it's not actually a torch relay.

-No!

You see, I've got a torch, the bloke before me's got a torch...

Hurry up, Syed!

Ma?

Don't just stand there.

That wonderful lady's spent 60 years cutting ribbons for this.

-I didn't realise you had the other two.

-Well, I said I'd help, didn't I?

What with your dad still being away. Cruise ends today, don't it?

He's staying a bit longer in Hong Kong.

What, and leaving you with everything?

Didn't want to waste his honeymoon. Be back at the end of the week.

Why don't I just give Jane a ring, eh?

No, honest. He'll be back soon.

I can have a break then.

Lucy, has something happened?

You can talk to me.

What are uncles for, eh?

It's just...nothing.

Look, if you could have Bobby for a few hours...

Darling, you can tell me anything. Anything at all.

I have to check the chippy.

-I'm going to call Jane later...

-You don't have to.

-She needs to know if your dad is...

-I already told her.

-Really?

-Yeah. We're going over soon.

You've already got two kids. Bobby will be OK with me.

We're fine. I'm good. Honestly. We are fine.

-All right?

-Yeah.

Had Jean in here earlier.

-Yeah?

-What are you thinking? Woman's got a serious crush on you.

-Want to tell her it's all in her head.

-Ah...

So you're doing OK over there then, are you?

Renting out tents in the back yard by now?

Capable is my middle name. Just like yours is Celeste.

-Put these on my bill, please?

-Ah, no. Your credit's run out.

-What?

Oh, come on, it's our business.

This is my business too!

And, sorry, if this is OUR business, why am I doing all the work?

-Paying all the bills?

-I'm working, I'm working!

Oh, what? Stealing toilet rolls? No, it's cash only.

And that shouldn't be a problem for a girl called Capable!

ALL SHOUTING EXCITEDLY

-What are they doing?

-They're coming up.

Oi! Help me, help me, help me!

SHOUTING CONTINUES IN DISTANCE

All right! Haul it back, haul it back. >

-You messed up the order!

-That's got nothing to do with it.

No? So why would Alfie take the VAT money to buy a present for Kat?

I don't know! I'm not a mind reader.

-Someone order a party?

-I told you I'd sort it.

Oh, yeah. Unfortunately, there was no need.

Thank you. You lot are lifesavers. Thank you, thank you.

-Michael!

-All right, Jean.

-How was Paris?

-Yeah, yeah. It was good. Yeah, sweet.

Syed! Kitchen!

I wondered if we could have a little word.

What about?

Have a good one.

-Tam!

-We've got a buffet to run.

Rahul can cope for a while. It's all right.

OK. If you want to do this, you tell her.

-She won't get it.

-Afia, you know where lies get you.

I'll be there by your side.

Bobby? You know what you said earlier? About calling Jane?

I didn't. I lied. You said if I told her, I'd have to go stay with her!

And you said if anybody found out, they'd split us up.

If you're looking for pies, we ain't got any.

Do I look like I eat pies?

Best of British. But they're late, just like the trains.

I'm going to go to the chippy.

Stay with me here if you want.

Someone has to keep an eye on the chippy.

-So, what can I get you?

-Your dad not back yet?

No, he's still away.

-Be back at the end of the week.

-Janine's not a charity, Lucy.

Ian has borrowed a lot of money. I'm not going to wait for ever.

-So I suggest you tap up your sugardaddy.

-Phil gave you money last week!

-Dad'll be back at the end of the week! So why don't you back off?

-Toys, Lucy.

Back in pram.

Masood's not having an affair!

He's done it before. Salt, please. He's up to something.

Yes, he's doing extra shifts!

Chillies, please. Thank you.

Masood's never had an affair before. You'd left him... Oh!

-For MY boyfriend.

-Is that really the point here?

It's all in your head, cos you ain't getting any.

Denise!

He's not getting any, either.

I spent enough months on that exercise bike to know

what I'm talking about. It's a wonder you don't self-combust.

-You still here?

-Yes. That has no taste whatsoever!

-There's a tub of curry powder in there!

-Who uses curry powder

to cook things? Call yourself a chef?

It's coronation chicken. Created for the Coronation.

It's a wonder she didn't abdicate straight away.

Look at you, hot stuff! Surrounded by all these ladies.

Just can't keep 'em away.

Like kids in a candy store.

Babe, can you rustle me up 15 meals, please?

I'm busy up to my eyeballs, babe. Sorry.

Oh. Just that they reckon I said dinner that was in the booking!

Anything else today?

Fatima Whitbread's pipes are blocked.

And...?

And I'm sorting out the dinner! So how can I sort out the toilets as well? Catch you later, babe.

Bye, babe.

Right. It is sorted. We are having chicken tikka.

-Britain's favourite dish.

-We're having coronation chicken.

Some of us didn't leave our taste buds behind in 1952.

You know what, yeah? Sort it out amongst yourselves. I'm going to go and see my boy.

Jean's got the food under control.

Oh, really? Where is she, then?

CLOSES

FOOTSTEPS

Jean?

I thought you'd be at the Vic?

SHE SNIFFS

I...

I...try to help...

That's what I do, isn't it?

Yeah.

I try to help...

..and then I just make things worse.

Sean...

Stacey...

now Alfie.

-Alfie?

-I've made things worse all over again.

You know...this has got to stop.

This has... This has got to stop. Right now.

Seen your brother?

-What's he done now?

-Someone takes after his old man.

Oh, where's your dad? I need to ask him something.

-Dad? No, he's away.

-Till when?

I don't know. He went this weekend. Great chips, by the way.

Happy Jubilee.

PIANO PLAYING

You know, when Alfie gets back, he's going to say, "Yes, yes. The girl done good."

You? You ain't done none of it.

And you? What did you do? I got the booze.

I think you'll find I got the booze.

Shame you can't come to the procession with us tomorrow.

Stuck in that pokey little shop.

-There's nothing pokey about...

-Oi, oi, all right, yes. We all did brilliantly, didn't we?

So we can manage without you now.

-To the Queen.

-To the Queen!

This what you call working, is it?

Oh, do me a favour. I've been on my feet all day.

-There are chip wrappers all over the sitting room floor.

-Go and pick them up, then!

-You clear 'em up. I've been unblocking Fatima Whitbread.

-Tikka bite?

Get down off your high horse, man. You're going to give yourself vertigo.

Do you know what? Sisters, you said. New start, you said.

You and me, a B&B. Just like Mum's old one. Actually, it is.

-Just like Mum's old one.

-I'm trying...

-I'm doing all the work!

Oh, please! Someone give me an aspirin. Look, we've only been open a few days!

Kim, you don't do the breakfasts, you don't do the bookings right, you never clean the toilets...

I've got a thing about U-bends!

What is it that you actually DO do, though, Kim?

Apart from push your puppies out and get your nails done?

-Dee, don't be like this.

-Don't be like what? Like I have been my whole life?

-Here we go.

-Hey, hey.

-Running round, doing your jobs?

-Not in front of people.

Picking up your pieces, dragging you out of skips?

Skip, Dee. Yeah? Singular.

-I am sorry. Do pardon my grammar.

-You're always looking down at me, innit?

-Criticising and judging me. Treating me like I'm a kid.

-Cos you're always messing up!

-Do I judge you?

-Just leave it.

I mean, you marry a mass murderer. Yeah? I mean, do I look down on you?

-Oh, right. It's come down to that one now?

-Joke.

-What's that, your new management technique?

-It's a joke, Dee.

-That is a great way of motivating your staff.

-Get yourself a sense...

-That's how you see me, isn't it, Kim?

-What?

-Staff.

-But you are staff!

Well, not any more. Cos I resign.

You're fired!

Tikka bite to celebrate the Queen?

-You need to know something.

-Not here.

I... We're putting on a speed dating event

-tomorrow night.

-Speed dating?

-That's what I've been working on all day.

-So why lie to me?

We... I thought you'd think it was, you know...

-Tacky? Cheap?

-<

-Wow!

You know what? You speed date all you like. But no more lies.

-This looks...

-Who is she, Masood?

-..great.

Who is she?

I'm going to get that key, put it on a shoelace

and tie it round your neck.

You hand out free lessons and you lie to me?

-Tikka bite?

-They're not free lessons.

You told me I should stop tutoring Tiff and I didn't want to upset you.

-Oh, well, you didn't do a very good job, did you?

-It makes me happy.

Oh, well, as long as that is all life is about. Tikka bite? Being happy?

-Yeah.

-What about your ambition? What about your promotion?

-Zee...

-Wait a minute, did you say "not free lessons"? Tikka bite?

-I'm trying to tell you something!

-No, no, no, you definitely said

-"not free lessons".

-People do pay me, believe it or not.

-Where's the money? Tikka bite?

-Would you just stop...

-No, because if we have the money,

we can afford a sofa! Unless you're gam...bling...

Open it.

-I'll take those round, shall I?

-Thank you.

I wanted to get the money together to do it properly.

I'm sorry, Masood.

But when have you and I ever done anything properly?

You never listen to me. You never let me finish a sentence

or stop telling me what to do. You never cease to embarrass me in front of our children.

But I still love you as much as the first day I saw you.

I'm so going to regret this...

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Zainab Masood. Would you marry me? Please. Again.

Nothing would make me more happy.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You're still sleeping on the sofa.

I wanted to help, because that's good. Helping people.

Family who need help.

You wouldn't understand.

Do you want to try just putting all those words together to make a sentence?

-Well, then I thought that I need help.

-Well, that's obvious, Jean. Yeah.

I need help. So I thought,

if I put a bit more in, I'd get a bit more out.

Not that it was mine to put in, but it felt like it was,

and that way, everybody gets what they need, everybody wins.

Because some of us think of other people.

Look, my baby's coming! What's your point?

My point is that I knew what I was doing was wrong,

but I didn't think it was wrong, it didn't feel wrong,

-but what he's done is much more wrong...

-What's your point?

FRONT DOOR OPENS

-Hi.

-Hi.

What are you doing here?

I was talking to Janine.

Were you? She's six months pregnant.

He's taken my money.

The money that I saved. He's taken it.

And money from the Vic.

He's taken thousands

for the disadvantaged kids project for the gym.

But there is no disadvantaged kids project.

There is no In Your Corner. He's taken my money.

And I want it back.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd