21/09/2012 EastEnders

Christian?

MOBILE RINGS

I am a woman of taste, Christian.

Everybody knows that if it was left to you

-my son would be wearing a pink cowboy hat.

-You really don't...

-What?

-Zainab, we really want you to be involved,

but you're going to have to learn to respect our...

No, no, no, this is my son's big day.

What is needed is a hands-on approach.

Zee Interfering? Never(!)

When you stop treating this place like a hostel

then perhaps somebody might ask your opinion.

Until then, munh bandh rakhna, please!

It's not every day that your son has a partnership ceremony.

A marriage ceremony.

-Doesn't matter what you call it, it's hardly going to last with this family's track record.

-Tamwar!

-Tam!

-Where is the prodigal son anyway?

He's meant to be here saving the family business,

seeing as I'm incapable of doing it alone.

No, no, no, no, there's no problem.

Just give me till the end of today. You'll get your money.

Don't suppose you've got a spare ten grand, have you?

Bounce!

-You're not thinking this through.

-Will you stop going on?

-I'm being serious.

-So am I.

You're going to stay at Honey's for a couple of weeks

cos she's got a new job and you got to look after the kids, big deal, I get it, Pops.

Why you acting like such an old nag?

Because now they've upped the level of contact, ain't they?

You'll have visits from the social worker, family support officer, health visitor...

Yeah, and I'll invite them all round to the party while you're away.

This ain't a joke.

Right, I'm going to do my last day of community service, all right?

Well, let me look after Lexi, yeah?

Nah, you're all right, Cora'll have her. See ya.

See ya.

Oh c'mon, you're going to be working all weekend.

You've already wasted one night on a bloke.

Me and Denny are going to watch a DVD tonight.

Right, you're going to stay in and watch Spongebob? On a Friday night?

-Something wrong with that?

-Oh no, course not. If you're six.

Get Ian to look after him.

No. He's had him once already this week, Tan.

Right, so he knows what he's doing. Give us a chance to talk about a certain wedding that's coming up.

Not sure I'm the right person to ask.

Couple of glasses of wine, you know, some adult company,

nice, sophisticated night out.

Sophisticated? At the Vic?

All right, time to go and beautify the residents of E20.

OK.

If you change your mind, call me.

See ya.

This is ridiculous.

Keep 'em closed. Patience, and all will be revealed.

-Didn't they tell you in school not to walk off with strange men?

-Yes, thank you, Phillip(!)

Stand there and...open them.

-Del...

-Uh!

-Derek, you're a diamond.

-How'd you sort with the market so quickly?

-Where there's a will, and there most certainly was, young man,

there's a way.

All you've got to do is go to work and earn us some money. Oh, and don't forget...

..there's special deals for the special customers.

Now...partner?

Ha-ha!

There! You see, he likes this one better. Don't you, AJ?

There is a difference between liking and choking!

Ah, Syed, will you please tell this man

that I have catered more functions than he's had hangovers.

Help me, please!

-Nice of you to show up.

-I had some things to sort out, Tam.

Like a decent venue?

Do I have to remind everyone that there are only 25 days left

till the 16th of October?

What's wrong with the registry office? It's all sorted!

Registry... That is so dreary! Don't you want your day to be perfect, Christian?

-Yes.

-Good.

-Only the best!

OK, right, you - you take the children into the other room, OK?

Because we've got a lot to get through.

Zee, baby-sitting really ain't my thing.

While Mas is having his school meetings you promised you would pull your weight.

Can you not do one thing to help this family out?

Why don't we take the kids round mine?

Look, we're only going to get in your way.

You both know what you're doing. You don't need my help.

I'll come back for lunch, then you and me can talk shop, Tambo?

No, cos I've got to go and pick up some after dinner mints.

Well, I'll get them on the way round to mine.

Right, I'll see you at the flat, AJ.

You'll be all right with the kids for a bit, won't you?

Um...

I tell you what, why don't I help get her things together?

Come on.

After dinner mints. He's proving to be quite a help(!)

Your brother is going to help get our business out of the mess

that you and Afia have left it in.

It wouldn't hurt you to show him a little bit of gratitude!

Hey, watch where you're going, young lady!

All right?

What's that for?

Turning up.

That's what mates do, ain't it?

Yeah, best mates.

Try it again. Please.

Look...

I know they say that third time's a charm and everything,

but I don't think it applies to when your card declines.

There must be some mistake.

What, Christian been having too many Margaritas down the R&R?

Look, Sy, I understand, I live with Kim.

-It's like trying to manage the Greek economy.

-Can I pay you later?

Now can you imagine if I asked your mum to pay on tick...?

Oh, Sy!

Your infamous customer service still working its magic, I see!

-There's a girly night in the Vic later.

-I'm busy.

Reading Fifty Shades of Grey is not busy.

Well, who's going then?

Me, the Chippendales, couple of the West Ham first team.

Who do you think?

-Well, it's just that I...

-Just that I will see you there.

But I, no...

Speak to him. You know him better than...

You all right, Mr Mitchell?

What?

Well, you know, it's heavy that you're back, yeah?

But the thing is, this place has been proper quiet since you've been gone.

And, you know, there ain't no party like a Phil man party,

so we were wondering...

Just spit it out, will ya?

-If you would be keeping us on?

-Yeah.

-Now you're back.

-Right.

-The two of us.

-Well, that depends.

-On what?

On whether you continue to get on my nerves all day.

Yeah, OK.

She's in my shop, not yours.

If she wants to bring the baby in, she can.

And as it was me who delivered the baby,

I'm pretty sure I'm capable of looking after it.

It's just not really protocol, Ms Cross.

Lola, she's here to work.

She doesn't need distractions.

You know what you can do with your protocol, don't you?

Daughters need to be around their mothers.

Why don't you run along, before you really...get on my nerves?

That told her.

I hope you two are going to work as hard as you did yesterday.

Bet you're glad you came, innit. This is well fun.

Ain't that bad.

I promise I'll make it up to you, right, when Pops has gone.

No, I mean have a party, you idiot.

Having a free house is going to be sick.

Why, what did you think I meant?

You're here to work, not mess around.

Cow.

It's all right, you'll be free in a couple of hours.

Yeah, I understand.

No, I got your number off the internet.

Listen, I'm not cold calling.

I've got a lot of cleaning products at very reasonable...

MOBILE RINGS

Uncle AJ?

Yeah, I'll be there in a...

What do you mean, an emergency?

Abs, you can't get me out of work and then just not say anything.

Well, you told me not to say his name, so I'm not.

Oh, not this again!

Well, I saw him with Lola, Mum.

And?

It looked like... like they were together.

Well, darling, if he's moving on, then maybe you should too.

I knew you'd be like this.

Like what? I just want the best for you, darling.

You know that. The boy is up on charges.

I thought you were meant to be innocent until proven guilty in this country?

Don't start.

It's just Lola. We were meant to be mates, the three of us.

Darling, I know you're hurting right now. I do.

But there will be other boys. I promise you.

Trust me, there will be other boys

who don't come with a prison sentence hanging round their neck.

Shh. I just got them to sleep in Yas's room.

Toddlers really ain't my thing.

Uncle AJ, I only left you for...

An age, actually.

I had an errand to run.

Well, they're quiet now. I fancy some Loose Women.

On the telly. I meant on the... Urgh!

No, no! You can help me by tidying this place up.

HE GROANS

MOBILE RINGS

Yeah, hello?

All right, well, what do you reckon to this one?

-Nah.

-No? What about now?

Yeah? Hang on, hang on.

Cowboy!

Hello, sweetheart, what are you doing here?

Just thought I'd come and give you a hand.

Don't need any more hands at the moment, darling.

Just need to watch what the little tea leaves are doing with them.

You all right, Abi?

Yeah, great, you? I didn't know you'd be here with Lola today.

I don't think your mum would be too happy...

Oh, Nan, it's not...

Then again, my mother wouldn't have been too happy with the boys I hung about with.

All right?

-Yeah.

-I just wanted to say, I'm really happy for you.

-Well, both of you.

-Will you give us a hand with these?

It's just Jay's had a really tough time lately,

so it's really good he's got someone to speak to.

He needs a girlfriend.

What girlfriend?

I've made a start, but cleaning really isn't my forte.

You all right?

Yeah, it's nothing.

Don't bluff a bluffer, mate.

It's just, I had a business deal with Michael...

What, as in, shop boarded up Michael?

Yeah. That's the one.

Tricky. Very tricky. What you going to do?

Unless you've found a small fortune down the back of the sofa, not a lot.

Sy, I ain't the guy to give financial advice.

But where I'm from, if you're losing big,

double down and grit your teeth.

Either that or just try and stay out of his way.

No point worrying! Eh?

BABY CRIES

Thank you.

Yeah, it's Syed Masood. I don't have your money.

And I won't be able to get it by today.

So, why don't you stop calling me and I'll give you a call

by the beginning of next week and let you know when I'll have it for you.

I'm not even joking,

if I have to spend another minute with your mum

there's not going to be a wedding, there's going to be a funeral.

-Will you just listen?

-Well, I saw you kiss.

-What, outside? That was nothing.

-You don't have to lie to me.

Maybe you two can sort this out somewhere else?

Lola, will you please tell her there's nothing going on?

Look, Abs, I was just having a laugh. I was just trying to wind you up,

I didn't mean to upset you, all right?

But just sometimes, it's like, it would be nice

if we could hang out without you two going all Romeo and Juliet on me.

Oh! I could have done this quicker myself.

Well, six hands are better than one. So we'll get this done in no time.

You seen Lexi's tiger? She won't settle.

Ain't it with her?

No. Never mind.

I'll have to put some brandy in her bottle instead.

-What?

-Joking.

-Brandy, but...?

You want to sort these out then?

Mum, I love you and I know you're only trying to help

but this is mine and Christian's wedding.

So you need to listen to what we want.

But I know what you want.

Yeah, and so does Christian.

So if I leave you two to it,

please, maybe, you can try not to end up killing each other?

I thought I'd get some as well, just in case.

-Tam, I'm sorry.

-The restaurant isn't making a profit

but I've got to somehow find three months' mortgage arrears.

-And you can't even remember to pick up some after dinner mints.

-You haven't paid the mortgage?

-You've more important things to do than help me.

-You're my brother. Nothing's more important.

Well, act like it then.

-You drive a hard bargain, Mr Trueman.

-Yeah, man.

-Hey, Patrick.

-Billy, Billy, what do you think about that?

Yeah, yeah, it's nice.

Listen, any chance of you popping round ours later?

-I need to ask you something, yeah?

-Yeah, all right.

All right, Ty? How we doing then?

Bosh!

Look at that! I'm impressed.

Tell you what, why don't we go out for a ruby tonight? My treat.

With Whit away I'm not really feeling like a big night out.

Nonsense, got to celebrate our new business venture, haven't we?

You know what they say about business partners? As close to family as you can get.

Well done, son, I'm proud of you.

-Enjoying being his monkey then, are we?

-Keep your mouth shut, mate.

Got you wrapped right round his little finger.

You know this is all just some game to him, Tyler.

Look, bruv, I'm just trying to earn a living.

Whatever it is you got going on with Derek...

When I first met you, I thought you might have something about you.

Do you know that? But you're just another lapdog, ain't you?

-What?

-Another mug.

Just like that half-wit brother of yours.

Nice shot.

I'll let you have that one for free, eh.

See you later.

-So how do you feel?

-What?

Now you've paid your debt to society!

Just means I get to spend some more time with you two dumbos, don't it?

The gang's back together.

-Abs...

-Yeah?

Don't ever call us a gang again.

That is literally the uncoolest thing you have ever said.

Where you going?

Need to put some fun back into this place!

You're here?

Come and have a look at this.

How did you...?

Well, I managed to speak to some of our suppliers,

put on a bit of the old Masood charm.

Delayed payments to the big ones for a bit.

You know, couple of grand here, couple of grand there.

They know we're good for it next month.

And with the money I've saved, we can cover the restaurant.

I can't believe...

Well, it's all there in the business accounts ready to hand over.

Nine grand. Mortgage covered.

That degree in economics does come in handy every now and again.

I don't know what to say.

Well, why didn't you tell me you were in trouble?

That's what families are for.

I've been an idiot to you, OK.

It's not your fault we're in this mess.

So if there's anything I can do to make it up...

Well, there is one thing.

Be my best man.

You didn't get to do it for Darren,

well, I'm asking you to do it for me.

I hope you're hungry, little man?

We don't need no-one when we've got popcorn and a DVD, do we?

Hi, Ian, it's me. I couldn't ask the biggest favour, could I?

That'll give 'em something to remember us by, won't it?

Wonder if it'll last longer than the four of us.

No, course not. We're the future of the Square, aren't we?

I mean, look at Abi, she is a proper Dot Branning in the making.

Well, if I'm Dot then you're Kat Moon.

Oh, yeah! "Cor, come on Alfie, give us a kiss.

"Give us a kiss, Alfie."

MOBILE RINGS

Hello?

Pops, calm down, calm down, I've got ages till my curfew time.

All right, all right. All right, I'll be home in a minute.

-No, Jeanie, you got to snap it out.

-Snap it out.

That's it. One more time.

It's no good. I'll never make a superstar DJ.

You know, if I wanted to keep my job,

I'd do a bit more than stand around like a pair of lemons.

Now, you, start topping up the spirits.

And, you, take that over there

before them two start ripping down the wallpaper.

I'm going to! Straight off!

This is just what I needed. A bottle of wine with a good mate.

Yeah, amen to that. Bit of solace on a Friday night.

And how are my two favourite ladies?

Oh, hello. Now we were just discussing

whether or not you were ready to commit to a single mother, yeah.

Take on the responsibility of a child. Maybe children.

Pay the bills. Put food on the table.

Keep that bed warm, Fats, you know, through those cold winter nights.

Uh, just, uh...

-You are a bad woman, Tanya Cross.

-Bad? I haven't even started yet.

Let me introduce you to the girly night turbo charger.

-What are you doing here?

-Night out, ain't it?

-Mr Fats.

-Yes, Kimmy?

-A round of your finest Sambucas, please.

-Good times.

Well, that was a good day's work, weren't it?

-There you go, gents.

-Thank you, Syed.

I think our little arrangement could turn out to be quite lucrative.

All right, what's with the face?

It just doesn't feel the same without Anthony.

This was something we was meant to be doing together, know what I mean?

Look, this is going to sound harsh,

but sometimes that's how it's got to sound.

He's done this before, ain't he?

-How d'you know?

-He's a punter, Ty.

And it doesn't matter if it comes between love and money,

he'll always let you down.

Now, I like Anthony. He's a good lad.

But he brought this on himself. No one else. Least of all you.

We've got a special offer on the house wine tonight.

Buy one bottle, get one half price.

Well, seeing we're celebrating I think we'll go for that, don't you?

Yes, mate. Yes, we will.

Promotion's working already. Told you.

We'll get out this mess.

You took your time, didn't you?

We're here now, aren't we? Just chill. Chill.

What are they doing here?

We needed to talk about who's going to look after you while I'm away.

-I said I'll be all right.

-What are you going to live off, eh? How you going to cope on your own?

-I said...

-Calm down, young lady.

We just want what's best for you, all right?

Have you had some kind of accident?

Well, it weren't Lexi, must have been one of you.

-Is that paint?

-What about it?

Have you any idea the chemicals that has in it?

We were only having a laugh.

That stuff could aggravate all kinds of skin conditions.

You think Lexi's welfare is just a laugh?

She wasn't saying that and you know it.

Can we just concentrate on what we're talking about here?

-Lo', we've been talking, yeah?

-Oh, thanks for waiting(!)

Just shut up for a minute, will you?

While I'm away, Patrick is going to be your responsible adult.

That means he's moving in here with you and Lexi.

Can we please stop talking about children?

This is meant to be a night out.

I better be going anyway.

Eh? It's early yet.

We haven't even got the dirt on Walford's most eligible boxing club owner yet!

Rather keep me food down, if you don't mind. But you know, feel free.

Please! All she's had is Patrick's long johns and that book keeping her going these last few months.

-Come on, spill.

-All right.

-Yeah?

He's nice.

Nice?

Nice ain't really rocking the boat though, is it?

-No. We want nasty.

-Exactly.

-It weren't that long ago you were knocking him off yourself, Tan!

Surely your memory ain't that short, is it?

I need the little girls' room.

-Yes.

-Denise?

-Yeah.

So if you have any problems, you've got my number, Lola.

Thank you.

I can't believe you called her behind my back.

Young lady, everybody needs a bit of help sometimes, you know.

Now listen, Lo.

While I'm away Patrick's in charge, so you do whatever he says.

You hear me?

-Right, I reckon that's me.

-What you talking about?

We still got half a bottle of wine to knock out here.

I've got to give Whitney a ring and I want to get a good night's kip.

-Early start on the stall tomorrow.

-Ah, the modern work ethic. I respect that.

-Cheers for the ruby.

-Don't mention it.

Oh, and Tyler?

To the future, son.

Good evening, sir. Would you like a takeaway or sit in?

Takeaway. Definitely takeaway.

-Do you think she's angry?

-Which one?

-Tanya!

Well, considering you just put your size nines in...

Are you two going to stay there all night?

No. I'm sorry about that. It's her. I didn't know stupid was contagious.

It's all right. We've just been comparing notes, ain't we?

You know, I might have had a few drinks,

but you're all right, you.

-My round, is it?

-Yes, it is.

Phil? Mr Mitchell, we just wondered if you'd made up your mind yet?

About the jobs?

You look like you're enjoying yourself.

So do you. Glad to see you took my advice.

What you gawping at? Serve her, it's a pub, ain't it?

Yeah, course, Phillipo, man... Er, Mr Mitchell.

-More wine?

-And you, make yourself useful

and go and collect some empties or something.

You work for me now, not some pushover like Alfie.

I'm not joking, you could do with an early night.

Seriously, Tambo. There's only these few customers left.

I just feel weird leaving you on your own.

I'll be fine. Go and tell Mum the good news.

-If you're sure?

-Course I am.

Syed, you know I...

Me too. Go!

Quite the man to find, aren't you, Mr Masood?

I got your message. Now, where's my money?

Well?

Yes, that is beautiful.

-I know.

-And no stupid cowboy hats.

No, no stupid cowboy hats.

You know, maybe us working together like this

wasn't such a bad idea after all.

You're wearing that.

I am not wearing that! She's naked! Look at that.

Is Sy with you? I wanted to show him something.

-No, he's just finishing up.

-My little worker bee.

But I do have some news. He asked me to be his best man.

Come here, you. Mwah! I can't think of anybody better.

See. It's all going to work out.

Our family is finally moving on.

Tamwar Masood?

Is there a problem?

None whatsoever.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd