04/10/2013 EastEnders

OK, OK. All right. OK.

I vow...

to never kick over your Zimmer frame? Oh, thank you!

And I vow to liquidise all your dinners.

It'd be handy if you knew how to work an oven first.

Oh, OK, all right!

So, what are your amazing vows?

My first one is to stay super sexy.

Hot stuff, know what I'm saying, mama?

And, to only use my superhuman powers to fight crime.

OK, and to protect your foxy lady? Yeah.

I'll tell you something, Peroxide, while there's breath in my body,

I'll forever defend the future Mrs Moon.

Ain't that poetry, eh? Oh, you like that?

OK, right, where was I?

Excuse me? Excuse me? Where do you think you're going?

I'm going to the kitchen.

Oh, no! Oh, no you're not!

You're going back in there.

No, no, no, it's quarter to eight!

Do not try to blind me with science. Come on.

Stop it!

Granddad!

Hello, mate. All right?

Oh, lovely.

No, that's for Masood for helping Whit with her job application.

Not "helping"! Insider knowledge from the man in the loop.

See that, Liam? That's power.

A potent aphrodisiac.

Right, well, less of that. I'm eating, thank you.

Do you mind?!

"Give an example of when you've demonstrated time management skills".

I've give you some time management, Whit.

Stop answering stupid questions. Go down the school and tell them the job's yours.

The school recruitment process is a bit more demanding than that.

They think telling the time's a skill! What more do they want? A lobotomy?!

Bottomy!

Yeah, well, maybe when you've got more than a pound to your name

you can start dishing out the advice.

Come on, mate. Time to make your mum some money.

You could have come back to the party, you know.

Carol knew it weren't your fault Phil kicked off.

Well, I'm sure you had a good time without me.

Mm. B's kids, they really love their Aunty Ron.

Said so last night.

That's sweet.

It's good this, innit? Wake up and there you are.

Did you think I was going to do a runner?

I was quietly confident I'd left you wanting more.

Ha!

Just like the good old days though, ain't it?

You hogging the shower.

Yeah, it's great.

Ron, it's daft this, ain't it? You living at Phil's.

Just move back in here.

It's only been a couple of weeks, Jack.

Yeah, but it's not like I'm some kind of weirdo

who's taken you out on a couple of dates.

I know how I feel about you.

It's the same as it was when I married you.

I think...

I think we should just take it a day at a time.

I'm going to work.

I'll see you later. Yeah, see you later.

Another Babylon! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

The rats'll be licking their lips.

It's not my fault people are dumping their rubbish outside my business.

It's the cuts.

People round here survived the Blitz!

Well, I didn't cos I was evacuated.

I'm sure they'll survive a weekly collection done by the council fortnightly.

Now, get rid of it.

Baby sat nav on the blink?

You're so boring.

How's time travelling going with Jack?

Why?

Life must seem boring after the vertiginous heights of child theft.

Even with someone as scintillating as monkey boy.

That's very good.

Yeah, all right, darling.

Oh, dear.

Question. If you were Ronnie Mitchell,

would you be so brazen as to walk around as if you deserve to exist?

Everyone deserves a second chance.

Don't be so trite.

Well, if you don't like it, why don't you do something about it?

Come on, Morgan, get a move on!

Come on, she's called you twice. School. Go!

But I can help you make money. Come on, get a move on!

If you suck up to Aunty Janine, she'll give you some!

One...two...

Come on, don't let her get to three. She's waiting. Go!

Hey, Morgan?

I do need your help actually.

Big time.

Know what you could do for me? Draw me up a business plan, yeah?

Profit margins and target markets. We'll discuss strategy at tea-time.

Go on.

So, how was your date then?

It's early days, ain't it, but...

KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh, my gosh, if that's Grandma Dot sniffing through our bins again...

Hey, are you all right?

Hiya.

What happened to you last night? You disappeared!

I just fancied an early night.

Yeah? Mm-hmm.

Well, look, I was just thinking.

If you needed any odd jobs or anything doing round the house

while Max is away, then, well, I'm free tonight, so...

Oh, no, we're fine.

Actually, the shower's leaking.

We're not simpletons, Abi!

No, no, I don't mind. Honestly, it's all right.

I'll see you tonight, yeah?

Right. OK, see you tonight.

Do you have to act so weird? He blatantly thinks you're drinking.

What, so I have to tell Joey all about my private life now, do I?

No.

Oi. Mmwah!

What's that for?

Just to say thanks. I've never had anyone on my side like that before.

Don't be stupid. I love you. I love you too.

Can you hold the fort for a couple of hours? Got to meet the wholesalers. Yeah? Yeah.

Won't be long.

I promised somebody I'd help with something tonight.

Just let me check the rota, yeah? All right.

PHONE RINGS

Do you want to take that?

Look, it's fine. Just have tonight off.

All right, thanks.

I think they just need your date of birth.

Can you make sure that she's wrapped up nice and warm, please,

as soon as she comes out of the pool?

It's your 30th in a couple of weeks! What are you doing for it?

Well, I'm probably going to be thinking about how sad it is that,

for some people, becoming a multiple of ten

is probably the most exciting thing that's happened to them in a decade.

OK. Bye-bye. Bye.

Cast your mind back. West Ham, 1980. I've got ideas, Danny.

We need a proper team talk tomorrow.

Look, as invaluable as your input is, Billy,

I've got a date after training tonight.

You lucky dog!

I don't pay you to talk about football.

Listen, Janine, I hate to ask, but this Bow Road viewing tonight?

Any chance you could do it? It's just that Lola's won some tickets for the pictures. Please?

Ask Lucy.

She'll have plans, won't she?

Well, I've got plans, haven't I?

Sorry, mate. Sorry to butt in. Listen, it's a bit embarrassing.

I bought this off you last week for my mum's birthday.

She won't open it. She reckons it's a fake.

Oh, come on, mate!

That's charming, innit?

What do you want me to do? Call the authorities down here?

Check out how Parisian "Fleur de Valleys" really is, shall we?

That's more like it. Cheers.

You won't sell many plums with a face like that, sonny Jim.

You might want to look in a mirror, mate!

If you see little Cindy, tell her if she wants to know any more about her mum,

I've got a wealth of stories.

You stay away from my family.

Ain't you got an empire to run?

I heard you'd crawled back.

You heading in?

I can see where Bianca gets her brains from.

I'm grabbing lunch as well. I'll join you. On me.

Hey. What're you doing?!

What?! You said you wanted to talk.

I didn't mean just rock up! Did anyone see you?

No.

Did Tracey see you? No.

You've got to go. Come on. What were you thinking?

I'm sorry. You said the coast was clear.

All right, we'll chat later. I'll text you.

ALFIE'S VOICE IN BACKGROUND

Get upstairs! Get up!

No worries. Cheers. Take care. Bye-bye.

All right? All right?

What happened with the wholesalers?

Mission aborted. Just spoke to Kirsty, she sounded like death.

I've given her the day off.

Me and Tracey can manage.

What, the lunch-time rush? Yeah!

Not going to leave you a man down, am I?

Right, you lucky people, who's next?

Here you go. There's your change.

Stick it in the box, Carol.

How much do you want?

Can't I even buy my sort of sister a sandwich?

I haven't exactly had a warm welcome from Carol and the happy helper.

Just take a deep breath, dig deep, and tell me how much you want.

Janine, I'm not going to be around for long. Seriously.

I've got a few bits of business I need to sort out.

Business to sort out?

Is that really a thread that you want me to tug at?

Look, whatever properties you've got on your books,

I can shift them for you.

I can make you twice as much as the local monkeys can,

and you know that.

Why don't you make yourself money?

Making money's not the issue, is it?

Let me get this right.

You could make yourself lots of money,

but you want to make money for me instead?

Yes. As I said, I'm not around for long. I want to help the family. I want to help you.

Watch out, Janine, his smile cranks up a notch when he's desperate.

Thank you, Columbo, but I think I've got this one.

Don't say I didn't try and build bridges.

Listen, when you've made your first million,

I will let you take me out, buy me dinner,

and then you can teach me how to be just as successful as you are.

You're wrong, Janine.

What's up?

I make a few quid and you press the panic button?

I'm not panicked. I'm just disgusted that you'd try to fleece your own step-sister.

I think you underestimate what family mean to me, Carol.

Go on, family man, why don't you go and provide for your daughter after a life time of naff all, huh?

Derek's boy over at the car lot. What was his name. Joey, right?

All right, Peroxide, you on strike or something?

Just got a headache.

You OK?

I've got over tequila hangovers. I'll get over this.

Let me go get you some painkillers. Really?

No, Alfie, I'm fine! It's all right, I'll only be a sec.

Alfie, I don't need you to...

I don't want you working while you've got a headache.

Let me see... Wait, wait, wait!

Look, I've had some already, OK?

The wholesalers cannot wait.

Don't worry, I can go there tomorrow.

No, you should go now. It's quiet downstairs.

I'm nice and toasty and warm now, ain't I?

We're out of prawn cocktail flavour crisps.

Shut up, you dopey mare. Who eats prawn cocktail crisps nowadays?!

That's really not an excuse to be bone idle, is it, Alfie?

But you did say it was nice and quiet down there, didn't you?

Come on! No, no. Alfie. You know you want to! Alfie!

Bone idle, eh? Alfie! Alfie!

Alfie, will you stop it? I've got a headache.

OK. Listen, not sexy time. I just thought you could have a lie down,

I'll give you an Alfie Moon special massage.

That's how I roll for the girl that I love. I love ya!

Yes, and I love you too. I love you too, Florence. Florence!

Very nice, but we have a pub to run. Mittens on.

Wholesalers. Now! You sure? Yes.

Sure? Yes! Stop it!

OK. I love you, Roxy.

I love you too.

OK, right. I won't be long,

but do me a favour, just tell Tracey to hold the fort?

Yes.

Roxy, I really need to talk to you.

Yeah, I know, I know. I'll call you, OK?

I'll call you.

I'm not sure it's a good idea you coming round tonight after all.

Why? She's not drinking again, Joey. I swear.

Don't mess with my head, Abi, all right? I'm not! She's...

She's seeing someone. What?

Who? Just let her be happy. I'm sorry.

Joey? Didn't get a chance to say a proper hello last night.

I used to knock about with your dad.

Right, what's that got to do with me?

All right?

Ecstatic. You?

Fabulous. Very good.

We can continue with this happiness top trumps, but I must warn you,

I saw a three-legged kitten this morning.

OK.

Roxanne?

What?

Do you know what else I saw?

A shrink?

Oh, I have your attention now.

I was at the gym.

Saw this girl there. She was talking with her boyfriend.

They were all smiles. Everything was really happy.

But she had the same look that Kat had last year, as I recall.

You know that look?

The big, lying, dissembling look.

Do you know, you're starting to sound exactly like a stalker?

It's interesting though, the black arts that women employ.

It's nice to see that you've got over your Janine issues so quickly.

Janine, Kat, Ronnie.

There's a pattern emerging.

Michael, I would die before I hurt Alfie, OK?

Then your death may be imminent.

Trace, I'm just got to pop out, OK? Alfie won't be long.

You're such a weirdo.

Hi.

I've been trying to call you all day.

Sorry. My phone gets a rubbish signal down here.

Why did you freak out like that?

I don't think coming to work is freaking out.

Look, all I was trying to say was I think it's too soon.

All right, if you don't want to move in, that's fine.

I'm sorry if I came on too strong.

But, running off and pretending you didn't...

There was nothing more to say.

Look, things are great. Why ruin it?

Ron, come on, credit me with a brain.

I don't expect things to be perfect, all right?

But I do expect you to talk to me.

PHONE RINGS

What a surprise. Your signal's back.

I've got to take this, Jack. I'm sorry.

I bought one for my 18-year-old. Come on, sit yourself inside.

Take your time.

What do you think you're playing at?

Got you a captive audience. Couldn't resist.

I used to run this place.

I didn't ask for your life story, did I?

Looking a bit sorry for itself now. I'll have to have words with Max and Jack...

Have you wandered off from your carer or something?

Give us a chance of selling that, yeah?

Come on, I'm feeling the old magic.

Yeah? Make an old man happy. For old times' sake.

We'll split the commission 50:50.

That's money for nothing for you.

Look, this ain't "take Derek's dodgy mate to work" day.

Eh?!

No, he was no mate of mine. Your dad hated me.

And, to be honest, sonny Jim, I hated him as well.

You can join the club with that one, can't you?

No, this was a special kind of hate that he saved just for me.

You know that stab mark down his back?

Nothing to do with the fella that stabbed him. My fault, apparently.

Well, logic never was Derek's strong point, was it?

He never let my daughter have anything to do with me.

Do you know, I didn't even know she existed for 18 years.

I'd dance on your dad's grave. I would.

You know what, mate, you can have a go on that,

but don't touch anything, OK. All right.

What do you reckon?

Kimberly Fox! How dare you?

What do you think you're doing?

It's not my rubbish!

It ain't my rubbish. I've a good mind to call the police.

What, for dumping rubbish outside the launderette!

No, no, no, don't call the police, please!

Give me one reason why I shouldn't, you sneering little litter bug.

Because I have started a petition against the rubbish cuts.

Dee's making placards as we speak.

I'm the only chance that this square has got.

Well, you can tell her I'll be very happy to sign a petition.

Now, clear off, and take your rubbish with you.

Go on, you've got loads left, haven't you?

Have you met my dad?

He would kill me if I gave away a freebie.

Not even for your oldest friend, who's struggling to survive?

I've got a little sister to feed!

Did you have to burn the violin to keep warm as well?

Go on then.

Wahoo!

Yes! Thank you, Peter!

It's only because you're a fitty.

Right, how many do you want?

You OK? Yep.

Ronnie, if Alfie had seen you...

I know. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.

I just, I really needed to talk to you.

So, look, things were going really, really well,

and now suddenly Jack's pulled this "let's move in together".

I just think it's taking things too quickly.

Ron, listen... Suddenly, it's not like it's a fresh start.

It's some deluded world where nothing ever happened.

I can't lie to Alfie.

I can't risk hurting him. I just can't. I'm sorry.

What are you trying to say?

Hope she likes it.

There you are. Sold.

£400 commission.

You got four grand for that?

I certainly did. There you go. I could do this all day.

All right, I'll get your cut.

I had an idea you'd be sniffing around here.

Is that from one of our motors?

Yeah. He just got four grand for that.

He does not muscle in here. You got that?

All right, don't take it out on him. Sling your hook, Wicks!

Enjoy the 4K I just made you!

Yeah!

Thing is, Dan, we're not playing to our strengths.

I've got an idea that'd make our team ten times better.

What's that, you quitting the team?

See, that's why Cantona went wasted for so long.

Took Fergie to spot his genius. Where's your vision?

The sight of you in your shorts burnt out our retinas.

Very funny.

Can I get you a drink?

I've one on the way, thank you.

So, where are you going tonight?

Just dinner...and a movie.

At least someone's going to the pictures.

What you going to see?

Just because we're in the same space,

does not mean we have to make inane small talk.

The big question is, sweepers or a flat back four...

I wasn't going to say anything...

Come on, I get it. Let's have it, spit it out.

OK. Roxy's lying to you.

She's in the park with Ronnie.

They're laughing away. They're hugging.

They're happy...

You know what, Michael? I'm going to pretend I'm not hearing this, OK?

She's there. She's there! She's right there! Now.

Why would I lie to you?

Because you hate Ronnie as much as I do. That's why.

Yeah. Agreed. I do.

But was I lying to when I told you Ronnie was in your pub?

She's made me a promise since then.

Rock solid. Trust. Couple of words you've not heard of, eh?

Kat made you a promise too, didn't she?

Where's Roxy now?

Where is she?

Huh?

She was acting a little bit weird earlier on, wasn't she?

And let's be honest, you don't have that much of a sixth sense

when it comes to women, do you?

Shut up, Michael.

Don't you get why this keeps happening to you?

Do you think I should listen to someone like you -

a pathetic, twisted bloke?

When that girl Roxy has given up her sister.

She's done it for me. For me, all right?

I'm moved.

For what it's worth, I don't think there are many other people

she would have screwed you over for.

He loves me.

He loves me so, so much.

And he makes me happy, Ron.

But you're not happy!

You know, with all the things that I've done, Jack's sticking by me.

Hold on a minute. Alfie's not the bad guy here, is he?

No, I'm not saying that. I've seen the way he is with you.

All I'm saying is, all of this sneaking around is going to do nothing but cause trouble.

I'm trying to keep you both happy!

How long can we be like this? Like we're dead to each other?

What are you even saying stuff like that for?

But that's exactly how it is.

I don't want you to lie to someone that you love every day.

Roxy, you've got to tell him.

Do you think he'd understand?

I think he loves you.

And I think he can see that you're not happy.

Yeah.

OK.

OK. So, what's the problem with moving in with Jack?

I'm just out of prison.

He knows that.

So, I want to move forward.

Ron, Jack was your husband.

You said it yourself, you gave him a million reasons to want to run.

If he makes you happy...

Of course Jack makes me happy!

So what more does he need to do?

Huh?

Oh, look... I've got to go.

I think he'll understand.

I hope so.

I love you.

I love you too.

See you later. See ya.

DOORBELL RINGS

All right? Oh, it's you.

Application off OK?

Yeah, yeah. Thanks to Masood.

What would we do without him, eh?

Granddad! I did it! I made a tenner.

Hey! You rob a bank?

I set up a business plan. And I did it.

I sold my video game.

Well, I think we can safely move into phase two

of the Wicks and Co business training.

You're my right hand man.

Oop, wrong hand!

# Dunna-da! Laundry man! #

You're going to trip over!

Just admit it, it's very sexy. Oh, yeah!

Hey.

Made a tenner.

Aren't you clever? Bianca's halfway to a pair of shoes.

Can Granddad stay for ever? Please, please, please.

We need to conquer the world, don't we?

Bianca's back in two weeks, and then you're gone.

What's all this?

What, is my spaghetti bolognaise really that unidentifiable?

Well, yeah.

Listen. I think you're right.

Why wait?

Listen, don't just tell me things you think I want to hear.

I'm not. It's what I want.

Look, I just think I freaked out

because it was like I'd woken up in my old life, and...

Do you know what, we've changed.

I know that, don't I?

And I need you. You make me happy.

You're my future, so...

I'm going to move back in.

Let's wait and see how that spag bol is first, shall we?

Hey, here you are! What are you doing? It's madness downstairs.

Lazy bones strikes again, eh?

No.

You're not lazy.

You're not.

You are brilliant.

And kind.

And funny, and...

And I love you.

OK, Alfie look, um... I went out before.

Rox, you know the wedding vows? Yeah?

Would you promise to always be straight with me?

We'll get old and lose our looks...

..but I will love you more every day.

Please...

please never lie to me.

I won't.

Right, come on.

Peroxide's adventures out.

Tell me all about it.

Nothing interesting.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd