23/12/2013 EastEnders


23/12/2013

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Transcript


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I heard you up and about in the night.

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Perhaps you should've had one of your sleeping tablets, eh?

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-Where are you going?

-I've got to get to work, ain't I?

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You know the things I told you about Michael?

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That is going to stay between me and you. We're going to keep that between us?

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Because if it ever got out my life would be over and Scarlett's life...

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-Janine!

-Just promise me.

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I'm not going to say anything.

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Say it. Say you promise.

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I promise on my mother's grave, OK? That good enough for you?

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If it was me, I'd probably use it.

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I'd find my moment and then I'd use it.

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I'm not going to say a word.

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Come on, think about the Vic.

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You really think things are going to be good again?

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Course I do. You're going home, Janine.

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So. We're actually going to do this then?

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Yeah. We're actually going to do it.

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You know they're going to say no.

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Think positive.

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Yeah, this is me thinking positive.

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Look at Pops, he's already made a mess of things.

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But this is what we want though, yeah?

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Us together on Christmas Day.

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Yes, of course it is. But it's the Mitchells and the Beales.

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It's you and me. Come on.

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Yes, all right. Yes, we can do this.

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-We can totally do this.

-Peter...

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SHE GIGGLES

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-Maybe...

-Maybe we need...

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We should have a plan B.

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-Plan B.

-You know, just in case.

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Dad! The lights have gone again.

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You're having a laugh, ain't ya?

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I wish I was.

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Nan. How do you spell "nunchucks?"

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-Hmm?

-You can't ask Father Christmas for nunchucks.

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Nan?

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Nan?

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Nan? Why are you sad? Do you miss Granddad?

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I do too.

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Can I just have a bit of peace and quiet please?

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How we going to do this without a proper chimbley?

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-Chimney.

-That's what I said.

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Tel! Down here!

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That'll have to wait.

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Right, we're going to burn 'em in this, OK?

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Nothing says Christmas like burning stuff in a bucket, does it, eh?

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Yeah, and Mum threw up in that once.

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ALL: Urgh!

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-The lights have gone again.

-Yeah, I know. It's the fuse.

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-I'm trying to fix it.

-You said that last time.

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Yeah, it'll be all right. Right, come on, let's have a look, then.

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Spud, what you got? Right.

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"Dear Father Christmas, please can I have some turkey,

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"roast potatoes, them little sausage things in bacon, some..."

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I don't think you're quite grasping the concept of this, darling.

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You said to write what I wanted.

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And I want a Christmas dinner.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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ALL: Door!

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How comes TJ and Liam aren't writing letters?

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-That's a good point, actually.

-Cos we have some dignity.

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Well, write.

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DOORBELL RINGS ALL: Door!

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What is the matter with you lot?

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Have you lost the use of your legs or something?

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Hiya. Your lights are on the blink.

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Patrick!

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Er, Mr Trueman.

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Sir?

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Sir? Yeah, yeah.

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Erm...

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There's something I've been meaning to ask you for quite a while.

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Go on, then.

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Well, with you being the nearest thing Denise has got to a father.

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I mean, to all intents and purposes, you are.

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Just not in the biological sense.

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I just thought that it was appropriate...

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..you know, with Christmas on its way and everything, you know,

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to make a gesture.

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A romantic gesture.

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To me?

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No, not to you, to Denise.

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PATRICK CHUCKLES

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You want my permission?

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Yeah, in a manner of speaking.

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In a manner of speaking or actually?

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Actually.

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No, no, you're losing me there, you know, Ian.

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Is it OK?

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-Is what OK?

-Look, just yes or no.

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Well, yes.

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Good.

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-You're late.

-I know, I know, sorry.

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Alfie? We need milk and wet wipes.

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What are you doing here?

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-I'm carrying a box.

-Billy?

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-Billy!

-Excuse me?

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Is this a load-bearing wall?

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-What?

-You know what, never mind. It's coming out anyway.

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-Alfie!

-And these fixtures and fittings,

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somebody actively chose those lights.

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Kat, I know you said milk but what was the other thing you wanted?

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Wet wipes.

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-What you doing?

-I'm carrying a box.

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-Over there please, Billy.

-No you don't, Billy.

-Yes you do, Billy.

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No, no, whoa, whoa, hold on. This is trespassing, all right?

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It can't be trespassing, actually. Not when you own the place.

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You don't yet. So just get out.

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No, Alfie, let her have her fun.

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You don't like the fixtures and fittings, no?

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There you go.

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You really have no heart, eh, Janine.

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You really have no home.

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I know who I'd rather be.

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Phil?

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All right?

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What's with the train set?

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Every kid needs a train set, don't they?

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Don't know if you've noticed but Lexi's a girl.

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Hang on a minute, this says 12 years and over.

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This is definitely for you and Pops, I know it is.

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-You after something?

-What? No.

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You got that look. I know that look.

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Why would I want anything?

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Just ask, Lo, will ya?

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OK. Right, I've got this idea. It's a little bit crazy but...

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Peter, will you just get to the salient point?

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OK, er...

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Christmas Day.

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All the Mitchells and all the Beales.

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Dinner together. What do you think?

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The Mitchells? The Mitchells and the Beales?

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Yeah. It's not that ridiculous, is it?

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Think about it, Lexi can have all her family around her.

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-And Ian is her uncle.

-No, he ain't.

-Well, half.

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If Ian Beale is round here on Christmas Day, the turkey

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won't be the only thing with sage and onion stuffed up its jacksy.

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No! No, no, no.

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-And no. Just, no! No!

-It was just an idea.

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The Mitchells...

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..and the Beales. The Beales!

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It weren't supposed to be funny.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Peter, we need a plan B.

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Paperwork.

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All you have to do is sign and my 40% of the club is yours.

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Right, well, that was painless.

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So, wait to hear from my solicitor and we can finalise the Vic sale.

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Oh, yeah, erm, about that.

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It, er, ain't going to happen.

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What?

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I've had another offer.

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-A bigger offer?

-Well, that's how it usually works, Janine.

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-How much?

-Well, if you want to get your hands on the Vic,

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you're going to need another 400 grand.

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No, no, no, no, no.

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-You're playing me.

-By Christmas.

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There is no other offer is there?

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And I'll need proof you can get the money by the end of today.

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You're definitely playing me.

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Or you're out of the running. It's your call, Janine.

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Now, if you don't mind, I've got business to attend to.

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-It is the one you wanted, isn't it?

-Yeah.

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Are you going to cry?

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No, shut up.

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O...M...G!

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It's a onesie!

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I love you.

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I love you too, baby.

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How comes they get to open their presents and we don't?

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Because they are what you call a product of a broken home.

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So are we. I'm so going to be an air hostess when I grow up.

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No, you're not.

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She does that all the time. She's trying to buy their love.

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Well, she's their mum, ain't she?

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She might be a mum that serves people drinks for a living.

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Or she might be a mum that does this for a living.

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I'd certainly like to show her the nearest exit.

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-What?

-You...

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Listen, she...

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ain't going to see your kids on Christmas Day.

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Just let her have her moment.

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Look at me!

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THEY LAUGH

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-No.

-Yep.

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-You're sure?

-100%.

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He was asking for your hand in marriage.

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It's 2013. Who does that?

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He really said, "My hand in marriage?"

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Well, I mean, not exactly those words.

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As a matter of fact, he really didn't make a lot of sense, you know.

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You're freaking me out now.

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-You know what you need?

-A stiff drink?

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Proof. The ring. It must be somewhere.

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DOOR OPENS

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'Denise?'

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You won't believe this.

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This one has suggested we spend Christmas dinner with the Mitchells.

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Not the most insane thing I've heard all day.

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-I hate Phil. You hate Phil.

-Yes, I know. I'm just saying,

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people, they do crazy,

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ill-advised things at Christmas, don't they?

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Ian, do you have a better proposal?

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-What?

-Nothing. We've just, you know...

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-You want a tea, coffee, anyone?

-Yeah, coffee.

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Yeah, women are a mystery to me.

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Look, all I'm saying is maybe it's time you buried the hatchet?

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What, in Phil Mitchell's head? That would be preferable.

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Only reason I asked is cos he brought it up.

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Phil? Phil suggested we have Christmas dinner together?

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Yeah, yeah. He said he felt really bad about yesterday.

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What, he's got feelings?

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Well, seemed pretty genuine to me.

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Maybe he's more willing to forgive and forget than you are.

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Nah. Nah, he's just trying to get in my head.

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That's what he does.

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I'm not so sure. And there was me thinking you were the bigger man.

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£400,000.

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I mean, where the hell am I going to find 400 grand from?

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All of my money is tied up, in properties or in the business!

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He is laughing at me, David.

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And this offer, this other offer! It doesn't even exist!

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Stop. Stop. Stop for just one second.

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-I want the Vic.

-Yeah, and you're going to get it.

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We'll find you the money, Janine. Come on.

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(OK.)

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(It's all right, calm down.)

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Why don't we ask Nan?

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-No.

-Why not?

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Cos moving in with her would be like admitting defeat.

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-It's like a charity.

-No, it ain't charity.

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Kat, listen, I know it sounds stupid,

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but a man should be able to provide for his missus and his kid!

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-Yeah, all right. It does sound stupid.

-Thank you.

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-I'll ask Nan.

-No!

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Alfie, come on!

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Kat, listen, I ain't got a job, I ain't got us a place to live,

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I can't even afford 50 quid for presents...

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Things will work out. They always do.

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Yeah, all right, and what if it doesn't this time?

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Ask Nan.

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I'm going to find us a place, all right?

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It's the green ones.

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It's always the bleedin' green ones.

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It's a conspiracy.

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Mum's going to be all on her own on Christmas Day.

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Well, with the two blokes she lives with. But still...

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You know what I think? I think there's someone out there

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making a fortune out of green bulbs.

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It's the green bulbs. The lights used to go every Christmas.

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It became a bit of a running joke.

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Hilarious.

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You ever want any duty free, perfume or whatever,

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let me know and I'll pick you some up.

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You know it was the worst mistake of your life letting Terry go, don't you?

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Suppose you think you can come back here and get in his pants.

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Sorry Nikki, he's taken.

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Him and his pants.

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I'm here to see my kids.

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Terry said you used to go weeks, sometimes months,

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without seeing them.

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So why are you all interested now?

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What else did Terry say?

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Did he tell you that he begged me not to leave him?

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It still ain't working.

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I'm going to head off.

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Are you not staying for a cuppa?

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BOTH: No.

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Kids! Your mum's leaving.

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I meant what I said, Bianca.

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You ever want any duty free, let me know.

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See you later, darling.

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All the remaining properties. The flats in Kenwyn House.

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-Sell them.

-All of them?

-Just do it, Billy.

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That ain't going to help, Janine.

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47a and 47b Albert Square.

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No. You'll be waiting months.

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Shares. Shares. I've got shares in somewhere, I know I do.

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Janine, you need the cash up front.

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Is someone going to tell me what's happening here?

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If you give him all that lot plus a bit of cash,

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you can sell your car, he's never going to say no, is he?

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-Sorry, why are you listening to him?

-Get my solicitor on the phone.

0:15:320:15:35

Janine, I really don't think you want to do that.

0:15:350:15:37

Shut up, Billy! I'm not losing the Vic. Not now.

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Keys.

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I paid 50 grand for that car.

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I'll see what I can do.

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So. Christmas.

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The season of good will to men and all that sort of stuff.

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Behold, I bring you tidings of great joy!

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You about to tell me you're up the duff or something?

0:16:110:16:13

No. Beales. Mitchells. Christmas dinner. What do you say?

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I'd rather eat my own face.

0:16:160:16:18

I thought this was your idea.

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Does it sound like one of my ideas?

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-I'm trying to be the bigger man.

-You'll never be the bigger man.

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-I don't know why I bothered.

-Why did you bother?

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You'll never get to taste my honey glazed chipolatas. And that is a tragedy.

0:16:260:16:30

You ain't very good at this, are you?

0:16:330:16:35

Fine. I didn't want to have to do it this way, but...

0:16:350:16:39

Do what? What way?

0:16:390:16:40

We all spend Christmas day together or you don't see Lexi.

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And I know you think I won't go through with it, but I will.

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Cos I'm a Mitchell. We don't make empty threats.

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Think about it.

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Look I reckon we should just bung 'em in.

0:16:540:16:56

We should wait for Nan. She seems a bit sad.

0:16:560:17:01

No, she's all right, darling.

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She's just a bit miserable cos Granddad's being an idiot.

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Probably just her hormones.

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Right, are we all ready?

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OK, Father Christmas, Big Man, Santa Claus.

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We know you're right busy at this time of year but we are sending you

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these letters with hope that you would consider our requests.

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Although, I do feel that probably Morgan's anti-gravity boots

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might be a little bit out your league.

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Best wishes to your good wife, Mary Christmas,

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and of course all the reindeer. Donner, Prancer, er...

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Kebab, er, Rudolf, Lionel Messi,

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and, of course, Keith.

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-Keith?

-Don't matter.

0:17:360:17:37

Yours sincerely, from all of us, lots of love, all the best.

0:17:370:17:41

Oh, PS, we're going to leave you out a right nice mince pie.

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Right, let's burn these bad boys.

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Right, we ready? Here we go, then.

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Stay back, get back.

0:17:510:17:53

-Little Tel.

-What's wrong with him?

0:17:560:17:58

Probably his hormones.

0:17:580:18:00

Right, he's hid 'em at the bottom of the wardrobe.

0:18:050:18:09

I wonder if he's gone for platinum or gold?

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This is Ian you're talking about, you know.

0:18:110:18:14

Fair play. Be lucky if it ain't an onion ring.

0:18:140:18:17

So, what are you going to say?

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Bearing in mind this might all be a figment of your wild imagination...

0:18:190:18:23

Just answer the question now, man.

0:18:230:18:25

Honestly?

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Oh, I dunno.

0:18:260:18:29

What, you have doubts?

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-No!

-You'd be the fifth Mrs Beale, you know.

0:18:310:18:33

You have to be practical about these things.

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No, you don't have to be practical about anything.

0:18:370:18:39

What is your heart telling you?

0:18:390:18:41

I dunno.

0:18:410:18:42

My heart is saying...

0:18:430:18:46

This one's squishy.

0:18:460:18:47

Rip it open, then.

0:18:470:18:49

No! Just the corner then.

0:18:490:18:53

Patrick, just the corner!

0:18:530:18:55

Oven gloves.

0:19:030:19:05

African oven gloves.

0:19:060:19:08

Could be useful.

0:19:090:19:10

He's bought me vaguely racist oven gloves.

0:19:100:19:13

Are you opening your presents?

0:19:150:19:17

Do you want me to talk to him?

0:19:200:19:21

I don't know how long it'd be for.

0:19:210:19:23

-Kat, it doesn't matter.

-You sure?

-Stay as long as you like.

0:19:230:19:26

As long as you can put up with Joey wandering around in his pants.

0:19:260:19:29

I've seen that plenty of times.

0:19:290:19:31

And you know there's nothing I like more

0:19:310:19:33

than a bit of illegal sub-letting.

0:19:330:19:35

Just let him think it was his idea, yeah?

0:19:350:19:39

Manhood dented a bit, is it?

0:19:390:19:41

A bit.

0:19:410:19:42

Same thing happened with Fat Elvis once. Walked funny for weeks.

0:19:420:19:46

Good afternoon, sir. Can I interest you in a car?

0:19:500:19:53

It's Nana Carol. She seems sad all the time.

0:19:530:19:57

Mum thinks it's your fault, and Tiff thinks it's her hormones.

0:19:570:20:02

And what do you reckon?

0:20:020:20:04

Well, I think there's something wrong.

0:20:050:20:07

There he is. Stay there, don't move and don't touch anything.

0:20:070:20:11

I won't be a sec.

0:20:110:20:14

Why else would you come and see me, then?

0:20:140:20:16

-Good point.

-Cos I might have been planning a surprise.

0:20:160:20:19

Not a propose-y surprise?

0:20:190:20:21

No, look, we've only been together a few months, haven't we?

0:20:210:20:24

-It's longer than that.

-Is it?

-Yes!

0:20:240:20:26

-Well, we've got enough failed marriages between us to know it's not a good idea.

-That's true.

0:20:260:20:30

-We're happy as we are, aren't we?

-Yeah, course we are, darling.

0:20:300:20:33

Look, I can assure you,

0:20:330:20:34

I've got absolutely no intention of proposing to you.

0:20:340:20:37

Great. Thank you.

0:20:370:20:39

Ian, you really have a way with the ladies, don't you?

0:20:390:20:41

-So, no ring, then?

-No ring.

0:20:410:20:44

You have an oven glove, though.

0:20:440:20:46

Yeah, it's a Guyanese tribal print.

0:20:460:20:49

You're originally from Guyana, aren't you?

0:20:510:20:53

BOTH: No.

0:20:530:20:55

DOOR OPENS

0:20:550:20:57

Ian?

0:20:570:20:58

Phil's got something he wants to ask you.

0:21:010:21:04

Christmas dinner at ours. You in or not?

0:21:040:21:06

-Seeing as you put it so nicely.

-Well, I won't ask again.

0:21:070:21:10

-Please...

-Dad.

0:21:110:21:13

-All right, we accept.

-We do?

0:21:130:21:15

Yes. Cos it takes the bigger man to accept than to ask.

0:21:150:21:19

You don't half talk a lot of rubbish sometimes.

0:21:190:21:21

You going to be providing the booze, Phil?

0:21:210:21:23

Well, I'm a recovering alcoholic. Why the hell not?

0:21:230:21:25

What about Patrick and Kim?

0:21:250:21:27

-We've got plans.

-No, you haven't.

-We have now.

0:21:270:21:30

Well, that's that then, anyway, innit?

0:21:300:21:32

Yep. That's that.

0:21:320:21:33

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

0:21:350:21:37

Thank you, Phil.

0:21:390:21:41

Don't ever blackmail me again.

0:21:430:21:46

Especially not using my granddaughter. Do you understand?

0:21:460:21:48

Mm-hm.

0:21:480:21:50

JANINE ON TAPE RECORDER: 'He had his hands around my neck

0:21:530:21:56

'and he was squeezing the life out of me...'

0:21:560:21:58

Morgan!

0:21:580:21:59

I told you not to touch anything.

0:21:590:22:01

Mate. Come on, sorry.

0:22:070:22:10

Come on. Let's go and get you some sweets, yeah?

0:22:100:22:13

Oh, Morgan.

0:22:170:22:18

-Scratching?

-Nah, no.

0:22:260:22:29

They're yours.

0:22:290:22:30

-Mo...

-Alfie.

0:22:300:22:32

Listen, I've been looking for flats now for a while...

0:22:330:22:36

Course you can.

0:22:360:22:38

-Really?

-As long as you want.

0:22:400:22:42

Ahh, you're a diamond.

0:22:420:22:44

-That weren't so hard, was it?

-What?

0:22:440:22:46

How's that manhood of yours feeling? Not too dented I hope.

0:22:460:22:49

I get it. Yes, Kat sent you down here, didn't she?

0:22:490:22:52

Course she did.

0:22:520:22:53

Cos she loves you.

0:22:530:22:55

Come here, you.

0:22:560:22:58

Just dropping a stray off. Morgan came to see me.

0:23:080:23:12

He's worried about you, Carol.

0:23:120:23:13

Me? I'm fine.

0:23:130:23:15

Well, he don't seem to think so.

0:23:150:23:17

He says you're on the verge of tears all the time.

0:23:180:23:21

-Is it Bianca?

-Yeah, cos it's always about someone else, isn't it?

0:23:210:23:24

I've always got to put the kids first and Bianca...

0:23:240:23:26

What is it, Carol? Tell me.

0:23:260:23:29

I know you.

0:23:300:23:32

I know you, Carol.

0:23:330:23:35

'Dad, they're working!'

0:23:370:23:39

Yes!

0:23:390:23:42

Right, no-one go near that plug, you understand?

0:23:420:23:44

Yep.

0:23:440:23:45

Look, TJ, your Mum's going to be on her own this Christmas, so...

0:23:470:23:52

Well, not on her own, cos she'll be with those two gay blokes,

0:23:520:23:55

-Steve, and what's the other one called?

-Steve.

-Really?

0:23:550:23:58

Well, look, maybe you should go over and spend Christmas Day with her.

0:23:580:24:03

-What?

-You sure?

0:24:030:24:05

If it makes you happy, yeah.

0:24:050:24:06

What about what makes you happy?

0:24:060:24:08

Sorry. None of my business.

0:24:080:24:10

If TJ's going, I'm going too.

0:24:100:24:14

You'll be all right, won't you? You've got everyone else.

0:24:140:24:17

Yeah, you'll be all right, won't you?

0:24:170:24:19

Yeah, and we're going to see

0:24:210:24:22

-Father Christmas tomorrow, aren't we?

-Definitely.

0:24:220:24:24

MOUTHS SILENTLY

0:24:260:24:28

Ooh, what's that for?

0:24:330:24:35

You ever need any more hugs, you know where I am.

0:24:360:24:39

Right, I got you 35 for the car.

0:24:460:24:48

-OK.

-I'll give the cash tomorrow and sort you out a little runaround.

0:24:480:24:51

-Phil can't say no, can he?

-I don't see why he would.

0:24:510:24:54

It's just the only place that's ever felt like home.

0:24:540:24:57

It's the only place when I've ever really...felt like me.

0:24:570:25:00

-Does that sound stupid?

-No.

0:25:000:25:03

I keep thinking that it's all going to fall through. I've gotten this far before...

0:25:030:25:07

-It's going to be yours, don't worry.

-OK. Thank you.

0:25:070:25:11

Don't thank me yet.

0:25:110:25:13

Shut up, Billy.

0:25:160:25:18

I will have the paperwork for you tomorrow.

0:25:460:25:48

And £250,000 in cash.

0:25:480:25:50

-Christmas Day?

-Christmas Day.

0:25:520:25:54

See what you can do when you put your mind to it?

0:25:560:25:58

So it's mine?

0:25:580:25:59

It's all yours.

0:26:010:26:02

SHE EXHALES WEARILY

0:26:040:26:07

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

0:26:070:26:09

There, erm...

0:26:100:26:12

There never was another offer, was there?

0:26:120:26:16

I suppose you'll never know, Janine, will you?

0:26:160:26:18

For a minute there I really thought it was all going to fall through.

0:26:590:27:02

But it didn't. Smooth sailing from here on in, eh?

0:27:020:27:05

You didn't doubt it for a second, did you?

0:27:080:27:10

Not for a second. Cheers.

0:27:100:27:13

You have that much faith in me?

0:27:130:27:16

Course I do.

0:27:160:27:18

I knew you'd have no trouble getting that money for me.

0:27:180:27:21

For you?

0:27:220:27:23

Yeah. The quarter of a million cash.

0:27:230:27:26

You're going to give it all to me.

0:27:260:27:28

Sorry, er...

0:27:300:27:32

Why would I do that?

0:27:340:27:35

DICTAPHONE PLAYS: 'I stabbed him.

0:27:380:27:40

'I killed him, David, and I didn't feel a thing.

0:27:400:27:44

'One minute he was alive and the next minute he was gone.'

0:27:440:27:49

JANINE GRUNTS

0:27:490:27:51

No!

0:27:510:27:53

Patience, Janine.

0:27:570:27:58

Patience.

0:28:000:28:02

250 grand, in cash.

0:28:020:28:05

Or it's all over.

0:28:060:28:07

Here's to the future.

0:28:110:28:12

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