16/01/2014 EastEnders

Not here...!

HE CHUCKLES

Oi!

Suppose you think that's funny, do you? Keying my motor!

-That's it, you're sacked!

-Oh, Max...

Oh, Max, nothing. I ain't putting up with him any more.

-So that's it, you're out, you understand?

-Loud and clear.

-Good.

See you later. Love of my life.

Love of my life(!) It's like that, is it?

None of your business.

David...

You all right?

Let me guess...you finally found out what Phil was up to?

Well, I got the truth out of him...

..but now I'm wishing I hadn't.

So, what you going to do?

I mean, if he told you the truth, the ball's in your court now.

Bottom line is, do you love him?

Yeah...

I might be the biggest fool under the sun but, yeah,

yeah, I still love him.

I can't blame him for what happened.

Linda...?

Are you, erm, are you doing anything later?

No.

Well, there's somewhere I need to go ...and I can't face going alone.

RADIO COMMENTARY

Come on... Come on baby...! Come on...!

I could have run that quicker meself! Stupid.

You all right?

You still here, then?

Yeah. What's that supposed to mean?

Well, I'm on my stall, flogging dresses like I do.

Worrying about paying the bills cos my fella's not doing

very well in that department...

And then along comes Mick.

OK. Right...

Asking how your "plans" are coming along...

Yes, Kat. Listen, sweetheart, calm down.

-I was going to tell you...

-What - you're going to Australia and you didn't think of mentioning it?

Spencer... Spencer's got this great opportunity.

He's opening a new bar he wants me to come in, help him open it.

He's got some rich bloke throwing bundles at it, be quids in. Kat, we're talking thousands here.

You're talking the other side of the world!

Kat, it's a chance we can't afford to miss, sweetheart.

Come on, eh?

HE SIGHS

When does he need someone by?

OK...

I'd need to fly out tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?!

-OK, listen, it's only for a month, all right?

I haven't got the money for the ticket at the moment.

-Oh, you ain't got it yet?

-No.

-Oh.

For a minute there you had me worried.

SHE CHUCKLES

I've not been able to face coming here...

CHURCH BELL TOLLS

I got as far as the cemetery gates...

Why now?

I think it's time to let go...

Me and Phil...

I've had some decisions to make.

Oh, it's so hard...

..letting go of someone you've loved so much.

God bless, baby...

PHONE RING TONE

Know what you need? A night at the Vic, just the girls.

Let your hair down, eh?

-Good idea.

-Come on.

So, what are you going to do now he's sacked you?

Well, I've got a couple of irons in the fire.

Can you get on with Max, for my sake?

-SHE SHRIEKS

-Yes, dear.

He stayed in her bed.

It's just going to end in disaster.

Right, girls, what are you doing tonight?

-And whatever it is, change your plans.

-Why?

Ladies' night at the Vic.

We drink, we gossip, we let our hair down and we have a laugh.

Spread the word. I'm inviting anything in a skirt!

She seems all right. It's been ages since I let me hair down.

Hold on, what's this about your mum and David?

And what's happened to Masood?

Can I help you, love?

RADIO PLAYS

SPANNER DROPS

Where you been?

I had somewhere to go.

I, er, I tried calling you.

I wanted to know where I stand.

You stand where you always stand, Phil.

Where's that?

Wherever it is, I'm standing right next to you.

HE SIGHS

Are you, er... Are you sure? Are you sure this is what you want?

I went to the cemetery today.

I said goodbye to Dennis.

Now, I'm not saying I'm never going to think of him

but I'm putting him in the past.

And I'm putting my trust in you.

Don't make me regret my decision.

I won't, Sharon.

I won't, I promise.

The thing is... he went over...

Yes, handsome?

Could I get a lager and an orange juice, please?

I'll have a beer, please.

You got a problem?

No...

I reckon four or five of us, bit of Texas, seven-card stud,

maybe throw in a bit of triple draw.

-Fixed limit?

-Nah, nah, nah, anything goes.

Yeah? All right, I tell you what... I'm all over that. I'm all over it.

-Lovely!

-What's this?

-Poker, tonight, in here.

-No, no, not tonight - I'm having a girl's night.

Have it tomorrow night.

What? No, no, Mick, it's got to be tonight...

You can have it at mine if you like.

Are you sure?

Yeah. I don't gamble? I'm the clean-living, devout Muslim, am I?

See where that got me. Seven o'clock, right?

Yeah...yeah, nice one, Mas.

Oh, here he is.

What you going to do - beg for your job back?

It was me that keyed the car.

I was angry, it was stupid

and I will pay for everything to be put right.

I'm very sorry.

David Wicks apologises...

Well, yeah, you're right, you will be paying for it.

So, if that's everything, you can get lost.

No, I can't.

Look, Max... Carol and me are going to make a go of it...

and you need to know that I am not going to hurt her.

All right?

It's important to her that me and you get on.

Mate, I don't think it's up to you to tell me

what's important for my sister.

-There's things you don't know.

-What, about you and her?

Don't think I want to know, thank you very much.

She's got breast cancer.

Well, she ain't. She ain't got breast cancer, has she?

What you talking about? She would have told me.

You serious?

She'll be all right. She'll be fine.

Yeah, yeah, course she will.

She'll get treatment and they'll get rid of it.

-Like Tanya. She beat it.

-Yeah, exactly.

Look, she's been going through a lot, Max, and I've been

supporting her...

And, well, I've got a lot on my plate, ain't I?

Not that that excuses my behaviour but...

..that's the reason I want to buy Jack's half of this place.

So I've got something solid for her.

I've got 100 grand.

50 for me to buy in and another 50 for me

and you to turn it around.

Come on, you want what's best for your kids, don't you?

Well, I want what's best for Carol and Bianca.

We can be united...

..as a family.

Give me this chance, Max.

Please.

Mr Mas, what's Tam going to say?

He's not here, is he?

He left me...

like my daughter,

like my wife...

..my brother,

both my sons and my girlfriend...

Which is a good thing, isn't it?

Because I'm my own man now...

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Eh...?

And this man likes to gamble and he likes beer.

KNOCKING GETS LOUDER

ALL CHATTER

Linda said drinks on her. Let's get slaughtered, shall we?

I'm going to want a drink, aren't I?

You can have one, can't you?

If I have one, I won't be able to stop.

I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

You're turning into a right bore, do you know that?

You going to join us?

What for?

Ladies' night. I've got champagne on ice.

What's the catch?

No catch, just me getting to know my ladies... come on.

Oh Denise, Denise... don't go...

-I'm just looking for Ian.

-He's playing poker, he's with Mick.

-Oh...

-Come and join us. We're having a few drinks.

Not seen you since your engagement party. Come on... sit down...

-Well, I've got to get back...

-Over you come, that's it, there you go...

What you looking at?

Nothing much.

Oh, oh, this is lovely... all girls together.

We used to have ladies' nights all the time at my mum's pub.

Now, I've got to know Sharon - love you, darling - but I want to

get to know all my ladies, so let's have some drinks and some fun, yeah?

LOUD MUNCHING

Call...

Fold.

Come on, you beauty! Look at that. Come to Daddy!

Oh, trips, trips, trips.

ALFIE CHUCKLES

HE EXHALES

ALL SHOUT

He's nicked a flush.

-Oh, it feels so good to be back...

-He's nicked a flush.

Come on! Thank you.

I tell you what, boys, I needed this... booze and cards...

you have no idea what it's like to be outnumbered by women 24/7.

Don't get me wrong, I love women but it's

so nice to have a night off of it.

Amen to that.

Just, don't rub it in, though - Masood got dumped yesterday.

Masood's what? You split up with Carol?

Who told you?

Well, Carol told Bianca and... sorry, Mas.

Yeah, well, we were fine until David Wicks turned up.

That's what he does...

charms his way into their heads and then into their beds...

Me and Bianca are gutted for you though, Mas.

He ruined my first marriage. If Carol is stupid enough to fall for him then you're

-better off without her.

-Ian, shut up... eh?

-Alfie, can you get dealing...

-cos I need to take some more money off you.

-I'd like to see you try.

-Come on, show me the money, ladies, show me the money.

-Let's liven it up. Come on.

Small. Small.

Boy, did you hear Liam? Said he didn't need a babysitter?

Showing off cos that Cindy's around.

Oh, yeah?

If he had plans of that sort he's going to be very disappointed -

TJ's up there, bless him, gooseberry.

LAUGHTER

-Who's go is it?

-Lauren's go.

All right, Johnny...

..have you ever had sex with a boy or girl?

Lauren...

What? The rules are you can ask anything.

No, it's OK... no, I haven't.

I've kissed both but nothing more.

But you want to, don't you? He wants to.

Lauren, you've had your question, all right. It's my turn.

Sorry, Johnny.

Right, Lauren...

..who's the best lover you've ever had?

CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

Hey, hey, oi, oi, go easy...

I'm having fun.

You set a date yet?

Oh, no. No. Not yet.

You started looking at dresses? I love a wedding dress.

Don't you, Nora?

Cora.

Oh, what am I like?! Sorry.

-You married?

-Widowed.

Awww... let me get you another drink.

Cora, I am sorry and I really do appreciate you not saying

anything about the other night.

Like I said, I'm no gossip...

so if you're at peace kissing other men.

It was one man, it was one time.

It always starts with one time.

Just spit it out, will you?

What?

You've been off with me all day.

And you know why.

Yeah, I know that you're not keen on me and your dad being together.

I am not the only one. What did Sonia say yesterday?

Well, she said, you know, as long as I'm happy.

Oh, yeah, well, she don't have to deal with the fallout, does she?

There's not going to be any fallout, all right?

We're together and we're going to make it work.

I didn't finish with Mas just because I wanted...

What, Carol...? You and Mas are finished?

Oh, I'm so sorry. You made such a lovely couple.

What's this?

Mas and Carol have finished.

That's a shame. He's a decent bloke. You don't get many of them round here.

- Yeah, well... - Was he a cheater, Carol?

-He never cheated on you, did he?

-No, it was just...

-No, he never did.

She just dumped him to get back with my dad.

-Oh...

-What, you're back with David?

-Which one's David?

-Tall, dark...

Looks a bit like George Clooney?

Alfie looks more like George Clooney than he does!

No, he don't! If anyone looks like George Clooney it's my dad. Alfie don't look

-nothing like George...

-Poor Masood, though.

I'm sorry, no offence, Carol but, you know, you've got to feel for the guy,

because his wife leaves him and then you dump him.

No, hang on, hang on, it's not her fault.

Oh right. She just couldn't resist David Wicks, yeah?

-No, no, no, she's just got a lot on her plate, ain't you, at the moment!

-It's all right, Bianca.

-Maybe you should tell them.

-No, don't.

Right, if you've all finished discussing my love life,

I would like another drink, please.

Of course, Carol. Tina, pass me that bottle.

Tina, pass it to me.

Give it. Tina!

Listen, Kat, I was thinking. Me and you could have a right load of money now, you know.

If Alfie and Terry have won the whole...

Alfie Moon winning, yeah?

I've got more chance of giving birth to Prince George's future wife

than him winning enough money for a ticket to Australia.

Me dad was a cabbie, so it's just natural for me to be a cabbie,

I suppose...

Like that with us. Me grandad. Me dad.

All had the stall, now me boy's got it.

-Check.

-What about you, Mick?

What, the old man?

What was he? Check.

Same as he is now, a complete wrong 'un.

Like father, like son, eh?

Are we playing poker or happy families?

Here we go.

I'm out...

I need to use your khazi.

-Upstairs.

-I might be a while.

That's what happens when you smash that Bombay mix.

CHUCKLING

£500...

..all in.

That's too rich for me, mate. I'm binning that.

Alfie, come on, mate, this is just a little game of friendly poker.

Ian, we agreed there's no limit...

..and you won't beat this hand.

Take an IOU?

You're having a laugh, ain't you, Mas? No.

I think I've got some money in the kitchen...

You finished?

What are you doing? That's Tam's uni fund.

I've got the winning hand. There's real money on that table.

Mr Mas... Mr Mas, you cannot be serious, man.

Oh! I can't get my hand on green...

Go on...

Yes..

Right, Johnny. Left hand on green...

-Oh!

-Oi, oi!

LAUGHTER

Do us a favour and send that to my mum.

She'd love to see us like this!

LAUGHTER

Things just got interesting...

I need to go to the khazi.

-Mick's in there.

-Yeah, I'll go outside, won't I...

Excuse me.

Yeah, he's got a point, actually.

You and Phil OK now?

Yeah, yeah, we're getting there.

You know, you forget what it's like, working the bar.

Any time you want a job, you just let me know.

There's a couple over there I wouldn't mind getting rid of.

SHARON LAUGHS

Look at them, they'll be sharing friendship bracelets next and having sleepovers.

You really hate her, don't you?

I don't like the way she's made herself the centre of Mick's life.

She's his wife, what do you expect? Anyway, I meant Sharon...

I think you still like Phil.

You want to keep your teeth in your head, you'll keep your thoughts to yourself, all right?

Stop it. Stop making me feel guilty! Just cos you're up the duff.

You're pregnant?

Sorry, Kat...

CAROL: Stop drinking, Bianca.

I'm pregnant, yeah...

I knew it! I've been watching you pretend to drink.

See, that's why I haven't said anything cos it's early days yet...

Yeah, because she's having twins!

Why don't you put an announcement in the flamin' paper!

-Kat's pregnant with twins.

-Oh, Kat, that is great news.

-Oh, that's fantastic news!

Congratulations. Oh, we need a toast, let's have a toast.

Oh, hang on you can't drink, can you?

I'm all right with orange juice. Cheers.

I smoked and drank all through my pregnancies, didn't affect my girls.

Oh, no, only one got cancer and the other one was a junkie.

Oh come on, Kat, just the one, eh? Wet the baby's head.

-Two babies' heads!

-Twin babies... rather you than me, love.

Yeah, it's all right when you're young and you've got energy but when you're at our age...

Controlling two toddlers...

To Kat and her babies. ALL: Cheers, Kat.

Cheers. Congrats.

Alfie, Alfie, listen, you've got to let Mas win.

What for?

Because he's gambling with Tam's uni money.

HE SIGHS

I just want you to be happy...

I am happy, darling.

Just really happy and... you know what?

If being with my dad makes you happy then that's good...

Oh, blimey, she's off!

I'm really happy. Oh shut up, Kat...!

Cos you, I just want you to be happy as well.

Cos I know you are really happy.

Cos you've got them two babies in there...

And I know that's making you really happy.

Hello, this is Auntie Bianca...

you don't even know

but you've got the best mum in the world, you don't even know it yet...

LAUGHTER

I knew a woman once...

she had three sets of twins in three years.

She used to take them out walking on leads.

It was the only way she could control them.

-Leads?

-No, reins. I had reins with Denny.

Surprised you took them off.

No, I mean leads.

Her dad ran a pet shop and they all had dog leads and collars...

LAUGHTER

Right, I've one more bottle of bubbly on ice...

CHEERING

Oi, Linda... I've got something I want to say to you...

Shirley...

Shut your mouth. I'm not talking to you, all right...

You...

You're all right.

I mean, I know, you know, we don't like each other but one thing

I do know is that you're good for my Mick...and...

..that's important to me.

Cos I brought him up...

And you make him happy...

-..and he is happy.

-Aww, Shirl...

And you're... good to your kids.

I think you smother Johnny a little bit, I mean, it's no surprise

he's turned out to be gay...

but, you know, he's a good kid and I like him...

Erm, I suppose what I'm trying to say...

..is you're not that bad after all...

LINDA SOBS

-You don't have to cry about it...

-Oh, come here babe, come here...

Is she all right?

No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

I told Sharon I was throwing tonight for her but it's not true...

This afternoon on the news...

..they said a soldier had been killed in Afghanistan.

And you hear it and you don't know...

You don't know what battalion... you just... you don't know anything.

All you can do is wait for the phone to ring

or for a knock at the door...

And I didn't say anything to Mick cos...

Well, after two years you just...

..you get on with it.

But... I needed to take my mind off it, so...

It won't be Lee...

I know, I know, I know, cos they'd have told us by now...

but it goes on and on in your head...

I just want my baby back...

He will be back. He will be back...

He'll be back soon...

SHE SOBS

Sorry... I'm sorry...

-KAT:

-Don't be daft...

I had this group of mates back in Watford and they understood

when I needed to just blot it out...

Well, now you've got mates here now, Linda.

Yeah. That's right...

I hope so...

I feel sick...

LAUGHTER

HE SIGHS

Call...

-Oh, he's got queens and tens.

-He's got a full house, ain't he?

-Alfie, Alfie.

Queens and tens. Alfie.

It's on you. It's on you. It is on you.

Nice.

Trips.

EXHALING AND CHATTERING

ALL: Whoa!

-Oh, leave it out,

-Oh, Masood...

Come to Daddy. That's it!

-Who's the man?!

-That's unbelievable. You having that?

Don't you worry about it, boys. That's all mine now.

Lovely.

-Unbelievable.

-You must be gutted.

Masood, unlucky.

So, that's that, then.

Yep. You won't regret it, Max. Partners?

LAUGHTER

I just... Can I have a kebab...?

You can have a cup of tea and a paracetamol.

ALFIE: Kat... Kat...?

Hey...!

You won...

Yes. Australia, here I come! AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: All right.

So, you're definitely going... never mind me or Tommy...

Kat, sweetheart... we need the money and this is big time.

And you know I want the best for our babies.

You know that.

We're just going to miss you.

I know.

I know, all right?

Just don't invest in a kangaroo farm or something, yeah!

SHE CHUCKLES

OK. Come on.

-Have a nice time, won't you?

-Lovely to see you.

Thanks for a lovely night.

See you soon, bye.

-You look like you had fun.

-Yeah...

So, I reckon it's time I started thinking about my future.

If we're starting a new life, I think you need to invest in me.

What do you want?

I want my own place... a pub, bar.

I want to be a landlady again.

HE CHUCKLES

I can't believe you done that, Mr Mas... I mean, how could you do that?!

-Tam has been saving for months and you spent it in a second.

-I had a good hand.

Yeah, but it wasn't good enough, was it? I mean...

DOOR CLOSES

Tam...

Yeah, I decided to come home.

Oi, I can walk up the stairs.

Come on, keep going...

BIANCA SHRIEKS

What was that?

It's all right, she just fell down a couple of steps...

-Why am I on the floor?

-Cos you're drunk.

Hey.

Looks like Bianca's had a good night.

What are you doing here?

I was just...

David's told me.

Max...