17/01/2014 EastEnders

David, I've got something to tell you.

I'm pregnant.

Eh?

And...

I need to know that you'll stand by me.

Is humour part of your therapy?

It can't do any harm, can it?

Where did you find it, anyway?

In the kitchen bin.

Do you reckon it's Bianca's?

Why are you doing that?

Doing what?

Eating.

Cos it's breakfast...

B? What's the matter?

Eh, come on.

Kat, listen, the sooner I get there, the sooner I get back, all right?

What am I going to do without you?

Sweetheart, you're going to be busy enough looking after Tommy

and of course Bert and Ernie, all right?

Make sure you keep me updated, OK?

My nan left you a bag of stuff here.

-There's anti-snakebite powder...

-Ooh!

..spider repellent, shark repellent,

some sort of kangaroo spray and Factor 200 sun block.

Don't know how she managed to get that so quickly.

There's a surprise. She's also left me an invoice.

-Probably heard about Masood's money.

-I won that fair and square, OK.

I ain't got long left. I don't want to waste it talking about Masood.

ENGINE ROARS OUTSIDE

Are we at war or something? Sounds like a tank.

Oi, oi, come on. Oi, never mind that.

So listen up, I've invested some of the cash, OK?

So when it gets here,

-I reckon you could turn it into a nice little earner.

-It?

Yes, all will be revealed, my darling. Don't you worry.

DOOR SLAMS

I forgot my phone.

Here you go. I was going to come and find you.

Actually, Tam, you're going to be late, bro, you know, so...

maybe it's best you...

I know it's a sore subject but - Shabnam?

You going to talk to her?

I'm going to let her cool off first.

I've got a plan.

I'm going to get Tam his money back.

Yeah, well, tell Alfie to be lucky, yeah.

-And if he can, can he get Tiff a koala bear.

-Tiff, come on!

Don't worry about the stall, I've got it covered. All right, see you later.

Hang on everyone. Listen, I got an announcement to make.

-You're going to do it now?

-Yes, I am. Everyone else round here knows.

-You're...?

-We are officially a couple. Again.

That's wicked. About time.

Do I get a present?

No. Go on. Out. Tiff, come on!

-See you later, boys.

-See ya.

-Don't I get a hug?

-I would do but I feel a bit sick.

-Oh, charming.

-Just got a bit of a dodgy tummy.

-What, you've been sick again?

I got to go to the stall, but I'm quite happy for you both.

That's either a really bad hangover or...

Hello? Oh, already?

Oi, I'm talking to you.

Great. Ah, wicked, great. All right, mate, I'll be straight out.

-Cheers.

-Who was that?

-What was it you were saying?

Well, it's obvious, isn't it? She's got morning sickness.

Ooh, I hope not.

Right, catch you later. I've got to dash.

ENGINE RUMBLES

Oi!

Oi! What do you think you're doing?

Dad, what is happening?

Put that back!

What do you think you're doing? Put that back!

Oi, who's in charge here? Put that back.

Now!

Dad, can't you just make them stop it?

What do you think you're doing, David?

Get them put this back. Now.

It's a new dawn, Max.

What, and you didn't think about talking to me?

That's my name up there.

HE CHUCKLES

There you go, babe.

Oh, ta. I was in right state last night. Embarrassed myself

getting all emotional about Lee.

You're a mum, you're allowed to.

Anyway, we're going shopping later. Bit of retail therapy.

Well, if you're free we could go...

What about me?

You want to see Mamma Mia?

No, you're all right. I'm busy.

We could get tickets for the matinee and do a little

"Money, Money, Money" together.

-You like ABBA, right?

-As much as anyone.

I saw the film five times.

Afterwards, we could slide into a bar for hair of the dog.

You've got yourself a date.

I need to check out a few bars, anyway.

Are we a match made in heaven or what?

Look, I need some ideas, you see.

Now, I wasn't going to say anything but if I manage to find

the right premises, then I'm going to open my own bar.

I think you'll find that's "we" are going to open up our own bar.

Oh, look at you two. So where you thinking of? Up west?

No. No. Here.

We fancy making a bit of our own "Money, Money, Money".

Sounds amazing. What a great idea.

Yeah, we've got a bit of damp in here, maybe a touch of rot.

I just wanted to get a price, really, to get it sorted.

All pressure on the nose, of course.

Don't get too excited, mate, we've counted them beer barrels.

-You saying I'm a thief?

-It was a joke, all right?

-What you doing in here anyway?

-Helping.

Oh, right, so we'll let you crack on.

Shirl, that's it.

Listen, don't upset anyone, don't flirt with anyone

and don't do anything except stay safe.

Right, same goes for you, all right?

All right, Spraggs? Cases are there, mate.

Don't want to give you the hurry up, but we do need to hurry up.

OK. OK.

-I love you.

-I love you.

And you, young man, I'm going to bring you back a big present

-when I come back from Australia.

-Dinosaur?

Do you want a dinosaur?

OK, look after Mummy for me, OK.

You get the rest of that when I get back, all right?

Listen, take care. I love you.

-Right, we all set?

-Not even close.

Listen, we're going to make a detour on the way, yeah.

-I don't think we've got the time.

-Listen, we'll make time.

All right. No worries.

You don't know what it is yet, do you?

-Say, "Bye, Daddy."

-Bye, Daddy.

-I love you.

-Love you.

A bar, Mick. That's what she said.

A bar.

-Here.

-For me?

It's got four sugars in it. Usually does the trick.

And we're a pub so there's room for both.

No, Mick. No.

We are the only drinking establishment this square needs.

What about R&R? Look, a bar is for snobs and city people.

It'll sink within weeks.

That's it. There you go. Problem solved.

Sharon was raised in this pub.

She ran a nightclub, she knows this square

and what she'll have to do to make people flock to it.

I could swing for her.

Hello, darling.

-You ready?

-You going out?

Yeah. Mamma Mia and a bit of shopping, remember. Why?

Problem?

Oh, yeah, see, as it happens,

cos Shirl ain't working and we've got no cover.

She's sitting right there, though.

Yeah, but SHE'S going to the hairdressers.

These good looks need maintaining.

That's Shirley for you, lets us down every time.

You need to get some proper bar staff in.

So sorry about today.

Don't worry. I can do a bit of shopping, can't I?

Lucky you, eh?

-Catch you later.

-Bye.

Unbelievable. The cheeky cow.

She don't even think she's doing anything wrong.

Here we go. Right, what's the damage?

Extensive. And very, very expensive.

-What?

-You've got rising damp.

It's everywhere, it's probably been left untreated for years.

Years? How high's it risen, exactly?

It's a massive job.

I'm surprised you bought the place in this state.

Australia?

I know, it's not exactly the same as a job in Margate, is it?

Listen, I had a bit to drink last night.

Obviously I'm not used to it. It left me a bit, uh...vulnerable.

So...

..I suggest that if you just give me the money back, I mean,

it was a game, and it really was a bit of fun - you do have it, right?

Yeah, well, no - not as such.

What does that mean?

Alfie won that money, he didn't nick it.

Listen, I was taken advantage of.

That's what happened to me last night.

You sure about that?

Cos here's the question - would you give it back

if you'd won Alfie's money?

-It's on the house.

-No, don't. I don't think I can.

I was...I was thinking of taking up knitting.

-Knitting?

-Yeah, I thought I'd start with something small.

You know, gloves, kids' gloves. Little bootees.

Pink, maybe, or blue.

Are you all right?

-Yeah, why wouldn't I be?

-Who's going to need bootees?

You tell me.

Look, this ain't a side effect, is it,

you know, of the cancer?

What? Knitting - a side effect of cancer?

No, no, no - you saying really weird things.

I was trying to come at this in a clever way.

-Just admit it - you're pregnant, right?

-What?

I found a test in the kitchen bin, a positive test.

Well, it ain't mine.

I know what you're thinking,

that I'm not going to be well enough to help out with this baby...

Mum, Mum, I am not pregnant.

Yeah, but you keep being sick.

That was four bottles of champagne, two vodkas and whatever else.

Well, someone's done that test in the house...

-BOTH:

-Whitney.

That girl. What has she gone and done now?

I tell you what, I thought she looked a bit glowy.

No, no, no, she looks too happy.

Maybe she wants a kid. That'd be a first, wouldn't it, round here?

Any chance of an orange juice?

Good girl, having one of your five a day.

Well, it's just the salon,

you get this chemically taste in your mouth sometimes.

That's wonderful.

I'd planned on giving Jake a surprise -

he's always liked fast cars so I had a day at Silverstone booked for him.

What is it, his birthday or something?

No, I just thought he deserved a treat,

but they've messed up the booking so looks like it's off.

Max, you ain't got any fast cars that need a test drive, have you?

No.

Someone's moody.

-Here.

-What's this?

A little treat for Jake. Might soften the blow.

-That's very kind...

-Hold up. Hold up.

How about that? Look.

One each. You'll have a whale of a time.

Yeah, the thing is...

he's a recovering alcoholic.

-Ah.

-Yeah.

And Mick Carter puts his foot in it.

You weren't to know.

I tell you what.

Leave it with me. I'll come up with something else.

-You really don't...

-No. I'm on a mission now.

Anyone see you?

Box at Upton Park?

Man U fan.

-Urgh. Opera?

-Tone deaf.

-Scuba diving.

-In the Thames?

He'll probably get swept away in the Thames, won't he?

Strong currents in there.

I tell you what you want to do, all right.

You want to go away together, have a little dirty weekend.

Listen to me. Seriously, me and L, we do it all the time.

It's like we're on honeymoon.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Yeah, speaking.

Yeah, OK, I'll come and get her now. OK, bye-bye.

-Got to go and get Bella from school.

-Well, you book that weekend, Sadie,

because I tell you what, it is guaranteed happiness.

-Welcome to the 21st century.

-I don't believe it all, David.

When did you think I was going to get involved in making any decisions?

Well, you don't have to worry about that no more, do you?

I've taken all the pressure off you.

-It's how your lost your hair, weren't it? The pressure.

-Very funny.

C'mon, Max, it's just a bit of repartee between colleagues.

-Come on, let's get the chemistry going.

-I want my old office back,

cos you don't get to make all the decisions.

Well, I did buy that freehold off Roxy,

which does give me a slight edge.

Think of the bigger picture, Max. You weren't doing great.

But together, the sky's the limit.

And you've changed the name?

Phil knew. Course he did.

That's why they were so quick to push through that cash sale.

-I should've seen it.

-Or someone should've told us what he's like.

You wanted a pub, he had one to sell.

Stop worrying. I'll go talk to him.

Panic over, Shirley's riding to the rescue.

He ain't all bad. Only 95%.

Maybe I could persuade him to pay for some of the building work.

-And when you say persuade?

-This place was his mother's pride and joy.

If she thinks it's falling down then...

The builder never said it would fall down.

But Phil doesn't know that, does he?

I like the way you think, Shirl.

Twice in two days. Careful you don't strain anything, you.

Excuse me, I'm not that old, you know.

< Jake? Are you in?

You're still freezing. School should've called me hours ago.

You go upstairs and run yourself a bath.

You all right, love?

You are in?

Yeah, uh...I felt a bit dodgy, so I went for a lie down.

-What you doing home?

-The school's heating went off.

Result!

Why don't I make you a nice cup of hot chocolate,

-warm you up, eh?

-Sure you're well enough?

Yeah, I'm feeling miles better after a little lie down.

Tell you what, why don't you go back to work.

I'll do this and then I'll run her a bath. Here we go.

Where is she?

-I'll just go up, then.

-You got a temperature?

-You're sweating.

-I'm fine.

-I'll give Lauren a quick call and tell her to cut short her break.

-No!

There's no need, I've got it covered. I'll see you later.

OK.

-Germs. See you later.

-Bye.

Bella!

Bella, where are you?

She's in here.

Bella, you'll never guess.

Lauren had to come up here and get some stuff for Mum.

She forgot her, uh...

I forgot to make the bed...

Bella...

..I'm so sorry. You should never have...

I don't even know what to say.

I wish I did because...

But nothing's going to make this any better.

It's not right that you've had to find me in here.

That's not right at all.

But you need to do something now.

Can you think about someone?

Can you think about your mum? Can you do that?

I know you don't want to do anything for me, I know that...

but if there's one good thing that me

and you can do, it's to spare your mum from this.

Do you understand what I'm saying to you, Bella?

Because your mum does not deserve to get hurt.

No.

This, this will never happen again.

Ever. I promise you that.

I will never come to this house again,

I will never so much as look at your dad again, I promise.

It's over.

It's finished, from this moment on, you have my word on that.

So this is me, just getting my coat...

..and leaving. For good.

You just think about your mum. All right?

Bella...sweetheart?

Obviously you don't want the Vic falling down.

Imagine your mum's face. It'd break her heart.

So we was thinking you could help us out.

Seeing as there's been rising damp there for years.

So what do you say?

This way we all win.

I've...I've already won.

So would you rather a block of granny flats go up there?

Long as they kept the noise down.

Come on, Phil. You've sold us a dodgy pub.

You seem like a decent bloke. Must be eating away at you.

-Tell him how decent I am.

-I'm not having this, Phil.

No, no, no, do you know what?

It's my fault just as much as anyone's.

I was the one who hurried the sale through - should have known better.

Live and learn and all that.

Phil?

I got a bit distracted checking out bars.

What are they doing here?

-Leaving.

-Phil!

-See yourselves out.

Social call, was it?

They reckon I sold them a dodgy pub.

-Cheeky sods.

-Not really.

They were bang on.

You going to come over and have a butcher's when you get a chance?

Nice start to your new empire. One miserable partner.

Oh flipping' heck.

You've upset Carol now.

Sorry, David, how exactly have I upset Carol?

She's got enough on her plate, Max, without all this.

Oh, priceless. Priceless. Always got to be the good guy, ain't you?

Look, I need you, Max. On my own I'm good, yeah.

With you, I'd be great.

We will soar, we will be the ultimate partnership.

Right, so we're a partnership, are we?

And a friendship, yeah.

Look, I'll even carve our names in this table -

"David 4 Max" with a big heart round it.

Yeah, that would be nice.

We good, then?

-Yes.

-All right. See ya.

-You all right, Dad?

-Hello, darling. Pop over when you can, will you?

Right, tell her.

-I ain't pregnant.

-You sure?

-Yeah, I think I'd know.

-Well, it's got to be you.

Don't be silly, Mum.

Well, who is it then?

I dunno. You started it, so find out who it is.

-Listen.

-What?

I'm not saying it is her, right,

but Lauren was round our house last night.

Hey. I was thinking of making Mum's favourite tonight.

Want to help me?

Bella, love. Lauren's right, we have to help Mum.

It's her we care about in all this - right?

I know.

Yeah. Good girl. Come here.

-What's that? You telling me this is your big plan?

-It's just for now.

Listen, no offence, Mr Mas, all right? But this is a stupid plan.

Tam's going to find out.

Yeah? Only if someone tells him.

And if you find keeping quiet so difficult, I suggest you move out.

Have I made myself clear?

Ha-ha. Yeah.

So where's my fancy new desk and chair?

Don't worry, we'll sort something out.

In the meantime, welcome to Deals On Wheels, partner.

You couldn't nip out and get us both a coffee, could you?

I'm gasping.

What the hell...?

Where did you get this from?

-I picked it up from a geezer in Kings Cross.

-Why?

I thought Alfie told you about this.

He said this is your gold mine.

This is a gold mine?

What do I know about meat?

What is it, anyway?

Well, according to Alfie, it's money.

Outstanding work, Shirley(!) We're still at square one. It's brilliant(!)

Sharon interrupted.

So what do we do now?

Cut our losses and sell up?

We're not running, L. This bar of theirs,

if they open one, we will find a way to fix the Vic up.

We will make it the best boozer for miles.

Where do you think that's going to leave their poncey little bar?

-Empty.

-Dead.

-With Phil footing the bill.

What's not to love about that?

So we're at war now?

Well, he fired the first shot and believe you me,

that was his first and last mistake.

-Has Lauren been there all that time?

-Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

-She ain't been at work, no?

-I don't know.

You all right, Lauren?

You should've said, love.

Said what?

These things are better out in the open, I honestly believe that.

Sorry, Carol, what you talking about?

I found the pregnancy test.

What's this, Lauren?

What pregnancy test? Why are you looking at me?

-I'll kill the geezer.

-No. No, Dad... Dad, wait...

It's all right, darling, we'll get though this.

No, you don't understand, we need to stop him.

-Why? What do you mean?

-I'm not pregnant!