27/02/2014 EastEnders

DOOR CLOSES

All right, Luke?

It's only me.

Think I might be coming down with Lily's virus.

I should have probably gone home.

No. No, no, no. Don't be silly.

No, Stace should know how you feel.

Nothing like trying to have a kip with a kid's knee in your back, though, is there, eh?

-Lily's only just dropped off.

-All right.

-She wants her mum.

-Yeah.

Where are they, Alfie?

Listen, Kat left a message on my mobile telling us not to wait up.

Typical, eh?

I hate waiting.

The flat's so empty, you know.

I just hope I haven't left this too long to sort it out.

See, what you got to understand is, for Kat and Stacey right now,

this is like Christmas and birthdays all rolled into one.

So they're probably in some posh hotel.

Getting on one. Having a good old catch-up.

They're like sisters. Really gobby sisters.

Well, listen, if you want to go, now's the time to leg it.

-I'll put the kettle on, yeah?

-Yeah. Nice one.

Wish I'd had that breakfast now.

Mind you, if it was like the bed, it would have been full of grease

and other people's pubes.

I've made myself feel sick again.

Excuse me, love, can I have some toast over here while we're waiting?

Will you come on?! Time is running out.

You've got to decide something. You have got to think something.

All right. I think that you've lost the plot.

It's probably your hormones.

All that creaking about in the night. You getting hot flushes?

My mum didn't half suffer,

she used to walk round upstairs in just her knickers.

Mick took to coming into a room backwards.

You remember my mum walking around in just her knickers?

Yeah, I took to coming in a room backwards.

Give her a bit of time to find that cardi.

Shirl, it was like watching a woman juggle a sack of spaniels.

Tina should be back by now.

-Tina out?

-Tina is a grown-up.

I'm not being rude, but just because that best mate of yours got,

you know... That don't mean there's danger lurking round every corner.

-What?

-L.

-No, I am meaning it nice,

cos rationally, rationally, Shirley,

we all know that Tina has just spent the night with her...

With her...her friend of Lady Di's.

Did you hear Tosh say that she actually met Princess Diana actually in person?

-Yeah, you did mention it, sweetheart.

-Yeah.

And seeing as you're at a loose end,

you can make a start on defrosting my nibbles.

-You whack your nibbles out and I will warm them up.

-Stop it, you.

Today has got to be a success, though, Mick, after last week.

We are going to show the council that we are dignified,

united, reasonable people.

And the Vic's holding this consultation, not Scarlett's,

-cos I called them first.

-We are on the same team, L.

Exactly. Ian's got any more complaints, I will listen.

Like an adult.

And then I will go over his gaff and kick off till he gives in.

Really? Well, if that's your decision, yeah. I'll tell Cindy.

Er, I'll ask Cindy.

Yeah, it makes sense, yeah.

All right, bye.

Cindy?

Yeah, all right. So it is perjury.

Cheers.

You could end up having them babies in prison.

Look, I know Janine doesn't deserve to get off.

No big deal, is it?

Have I not just said this? For Alice, it is.

-Alice'll be all right.

-Kat, you'd be condemning her to life!

Look, what can't you see? Janine is giving you a way out.

All I do is give a statement to say that I saw Alice stab Michael -

which she did anyway.

You, you can be yourself.

Honestly.

You get your name, you get everything back to how it was.

So where's Alfie, then?

Why ain't we at home sitting talking about this with Alfie?

-Are you actually saying no?

-Yes. I'm saying no.

-Well, I'm not listening.

Oh, you silly cow. It can't work.

All right, boys?

THEY ALL MUMBLE

"Honest" is me telling the police that I never stabbed Janine.

Taking it to court and blaming legging it on Bradley dying,

I could say I've got bipolar.

Yeah, you can. Why didn't you think of that before?

Because getting Janine off my back isn't enough, is it?

-Kat, you've got to see how this is going to go.

-No.

-We don't give up.

-Ronnie, Roxy, the Square's still full of that family.

What? You're telling me if I come back, not one of them's going to say one word.

Bradley paid, all right? It's nothing they can prove.

You front it out. You was all up for this before.

That's because I miss you.

I miss you, Kat.

Look, we can sit here all day, tonight again if you like.

But the fact is, whatever way we go about this, it's more lies and bigger risks.

I mean, how...

I can't be Stacey Branning.

I can't come back to Walford.

Tina makes up her own mind.

No, Tina does what YOU want her to do.

What? Five minutes after tracking me down?

You think I've got her locked up as my sex slave?

I think you're a manipulating cow with a temper.

Oh, back off, will you, girly?

You know, you want me for yourself,

you're going to have to fight it out with your sister.

I've got your number.

So call me.

Or do I have to call security?

I haven't forgotten those bruises.

And I swear, Fiona, if you go near my sister again,

I will have you.

And no, not in a gay way.

I'd rather kiss a bulldog.

Shirley.

Your bulldog's got better breath.

All right, look, David made us try out.

I'm not even bothered about school anyway.

TJ's been going on like he's been picked by God to play for England.

It's only Mr Cullen. And it's only the Year 10 football team, innit?

OK. You're all right. You're a bit keen, but you're all right.

I'd tell David to get lost.

IAN: Cindy?

DOOR SHUTS

How did he know we were in here?

Everyone knows Cora leaves the door unlocked.

Gotcha!

There isn't a hiding place in Walford

I haven't used at some time or another.

Well done. Big achievement, Ian.

Is this why your grades are slipping, is it?

A word.

I wake up and Alfie's snoring or farting.

I can't breathe, Stace.

And I don't mean cos it stinks.

I'm having twins.

And there's no-one else. Just me and Alfie.

That's your family now.

I love him. I really do love him.

But I just get lonely.

-I'm going to mess it up again. I know I'm going to mess it up.

-No, you're not.

You're not.

Of course you're scared.

With everything that's gone on.

There's nothing like your girlfriends, though, is there?

There's nothing like family.

I saw you from the bus and I thought

how amazing it would be to go down the park

and push our kids on the swings and talk about toddlers.

Just me and my Stace.

Just normal.

Now look at us.

Why can't we?

I love Luke.

And we were really happy until you come along and throw in the hand grenade.

He's good. He's good and he's fit.

He's got good morals and he tells really bad jokes.

Lily nearly wets herself.

He loves her, Kat.

When I first met him in Mexico, I was so horrible to him.

I told him every bad thing about me.

I probably would have told him about Archie and Janine,

if he hadn't kissed me just to shut me up.

I wanted him to walk.

But he never.

When you see yourself through...someone else's eyes,

I actually started to look all right.

And suddenly he mattered.

Me coming back here...

It's me and Luke and Lily that I'm thinking about.

It's right now that counts.

They're my family.

I think he'll have me back.

Well, he texted me to say that he missed me.

Our flat is only half an hour away, Kat.

Me and you could meet in the park.

We can be like two mates hanging out.

Kat Moon and...Jenny Smith.

THEY LAUGH

I know it's not perfect.

But we can try, can't we?

No more digging up the past. No-one lying to the police.

And no-one getting their happy new life ruined.

No, well, then I will kill you.

We can say Janine did it.

LAUGHTER

Come on, Lil, you're missing out.

Don't make a mess of me. Look what you're doing. I'm going to get you.

You got to do my birthday card, haven't you? Remember it's 5-0. Not 8-0!

That's it, 50. Show me how you write 50.

What you doing? I'm going to get you. Here comes the paint.

Here comes the paint. Get Luke, get Luke, get Luke!

What did he say?

"Go to school."

So what are you doing?

I'm going for a beer. You can come if you want.

As your elected community representative,

it's important that we create a good first impression.

The ambience in the Queen Vic isn't exactly conducive to

a nice, quiet, reasoned discussion.

We need to show the council that we're professional.

We are professional.

And certainly the quieter "ambience" -

I wouldn't let anyone call it dead -

over at Scarlett's does have its advantages.

But it don't exactly say "thriving", does it?

Thriving?

This isn't exactly thriving, it's just full of your family.

Now, I have hors d'oeuvres over at Scarlett's, Linda.

I have been hand-making the finest finger food since sunrise.

Fantastic. Bring them in. I've got breaded prawns.

DOOR SHUTS

Class.

Not on the floor, Shirley! Mick, get her a beer towel.

-You fell in a puddle, Shirl?

-Has it been raining again?

-If you go for a swim, you're supposed to take your clothes off...

-Tina is in serious trouble!

No. I was just in the bog.

Don't you even talk to me.

I'm going to have that woman on health and safety.

Make sure she loses her job.

-What woman?

-Don't even talk to me!

It's bubble time!

It's bubble time!

Listen, give me five minutes and I'll swap with you, all right?

-Long as you like, mate.

-Be good.

Whoo-hoo!

-SHIRLEY:

-She is a psycho. That is the point.

-That is why I'm worrying.

-No, you've got it wrong, Shirley.

I was there, Tina.

Who sorted the mess out with Tosh last time?

-I did actually.

-Why weren't you picking up your phone?

Because my battery's knackered, I've told you!

Who sat up with you all night after you'd been beaten up,

-when you were bawling?

-That was months ago.

Listen to yourself, Tina!

The reason she knocked me over this morning

is because I wound her up.

You know what, you want smacking, I'll smack you in the mouth.

Shirley! I am only meeting Tosh for a quick drink this dinner.

Would you just please just wind your neck in!

Tosh has changed.

Yeah, we've talked.

You know it was both of us.

We fell out. I could get handy an' all.

We've both grown up.

I can't help myself.

There's just...something between us.

Yeah.

A locked door.

Shirley!

I don't know what to think. All I know is, it's been 24 hours

since they went to see Janine and all I've had is one message

telling me not to worry, and they need time out.

I don't even know what that means.

I'm frightened to make a phone call in case I make things worse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But she's on the run and she's off her meds.

And Kat is pregnant, and I swear...

I swear, if anything happens to our babies...

Listen, the point is, we know what Stacey's really capable of, right?

Right, just please...

Please, get here as soon as you can.

All right, bye, bye.

Lily wants her skipping rope.

Right, course. There you go.

There it is.

Lily, make sure Tommy gets a go.

What is Stacey really capable of?

There is nothing you can say, Alfie, that's going to make me stop loving her.

I need the loo.

Then wee in a plant pot.

Not that kind of loo.

-Find a bigger plant pot.

-Oh!

TURNS ON TV

OK. All right, yeah, I've had a think.

You're right. I see your point.

I won't ever see Tosh again. OK?

Ohh! Will you let me out?

I'm going to be late in a minute!

Tosh.

No, shut up a minute.

Listen, listen, my battery's going to die.

Shirley is so hacked off with you

she has locked me upstairs in the Vic.

Will you please just come over and tell...

PHONE GOES DEAD Tosh?

Oh!

TV: 'Working as a team, they sniff out their prey with their

'scintillating sense of smell, corralling it into a tight shoal.

'And from here on in, it's just chaos.'

Linda said her prawns need defrosting,

and where is the mop bucket?

Does she now?

You do realise this probably ain't a long-term solution.

I don't like Tosh.

I don't like marzipan.

Just saying.

Mick, Tina is making a serious mistake.

And Tina's old enough to do that.

And you do realise that the one thing guaranteed

to see that she marries Tosh

and is artificially inseminated with triplets

is to tell her that she can't?

Just feminine intuition, Shirl.

When God was dishing it out, I reckon I got yours.

Key.

Oh, my life! Mick, you have got to see this.

I ain't messing with you, Bill, Shirley has gone off her nut.

You know what she's like. I'm like an actual hostage up here.

I'm a hostage!

I tell you something, I'm getting a bit freaked out an' all

cos I'm, like, claustrophobic.

I'm exactly the same. I can't stand lifts.

I'm a claustrophobic hostage!

If she don't let me out by, like, just before dinner,

I could quite likely jump.

No! No, don't do that, all right? I've got a ladder. Don't jump, Tina.

Hurry up!

Tina!

This is all we need, what with the council coming.

-Shirl, give me the keys.

-This IS what we need!

Don't you dare.

"Thriving", Mick. See? Thriving. Heart of the community.

And where's Mr Beale? We're on for an houseful.

Look like you've gone off your head.

Yeah. That should do it.

Right, listen up.

Pound a pint and the chance to have a civilised chat

with the man from the council.

MAN: Let's go!

SIREN BLARES

All right?

My nan's moving to Portugal,

and Ian wants me to go.

RETCHING

Is Luke being sick?

I don't think he's feeling very well, sweetheart.

What are you doing?

Vitamin E's meant to be good.

Free finger food, that way, people.

I had an older friend, learned to meditate when her hormones gave out.

I am not going through the menopause, you dopey cow.

No? Well, you want to get a grip, then.

Tina's 39, not 13.

This is about you finally discovering maternal feelings, Shirley.

You want to try using them on one of your actual kids.

Look, Portugal could be all right.

Just leave.

GLASS SMASHES

I can't see a fire.

That fat dog must have got itself stuck up something.

We'd started trying for a baby.

-I've come off my tablets.

-What?

I'm not pregnant. But some of them drugs are so toxic,

the doctor likes you to start thinking ahead.

A baby.

I don't know if I'm scared because I should be,

or scared because I need to take a tablet.

He will have me back, won't he?

If you want my hand-me-downs, you'd better get round to his flat

and do some serious apologising.

I know it's hard for a Slater to say sorry.

A baby.

Me and you, over the park. Five screaming kids.

Yeah, I know you're scared.

I'm scared. All that noise and nappies.

-Sounds like hell, don't it?

-Sounds like normal life.

Come on.

We've sorted something out.

Stace, he's already here!

You came back.

Stick the kettle on, then. Me feet are killing me.

Is it true?

Did you kill a man?

Oh, my God.

No, Luke, it...

Alfie, say goodbye to Lily for me.

-I can't.

-No, it's not what you think.

-Kat.

-Luke, he raped me! He forced himself onto me.

And that makes it all right?

You think that makes it all right?

Murder.

Taking a man's life.

When is that ever all right?

When were you going to tell me, huh?

The day we got married?

The day our child was born?

At least let her explain it to you.

Everything.

Everything we've done. Everything we've built together.

Us...

It's all based on the back of a lie.

I was just defending myself.

How can I ever trust you now?

Please. I love you.

I love you.

It's not enough.

Luke. Luke, please!

Please! Please, I'm sorry!

Luke, I'm sorry.

Luke, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Stace.

I am sorry.