28/03/2014 EastEnders

What makes you think you're welcome back in this pub?

-I invited her!

-Calm down, Shirley, or I'll have to hose you down again.

Try it, Tosh, and I'll shove that hose somewhere where you don't want it.

-Can't you two just try and get on?

-BOTH:

-No!

The weird thing is, I quite like it.

What, your family ripping chunks out of each other?

Turn it down, Nance! I'm trying to write an essay!

Shut up, you little boffin!

Yeah, feels like a proper home.

You're an old softy, Mick Carter.

-Do what?

-You heard.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Someone else will get it. Come here.

SHE LAUGHS

PHONE RINGS

Oh! You get the phone.

PHONE RINGS

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hello?

Yes?

Sorry, I'm not interested.

KNOCK ON DOOR

All right, all right!

-Oh.

-The agency are only sending them here!

-Who?

-The bar staff. For my interviews.

I mean, seriously, The Albert and the Queen Vic - hardly the same place!

I even got the sign up today, and all!

I mean, I swear they've done this on purpose

because I was haggling over fees.

Wait a minute - you're calling it The Albert?

-Yeah. Yeah, didn't I mention it?

-No.

Well, anyway, I'd cancel the whole thing

but we're opening next week and I've got to get contracts sorted.

Look, I'm sorry to ask, Linda, but would you mind sending them

round the corner for me?

Why bother?

-Do the interviews here.

-Here?

Why not? There's more space. Nobody hammering in the background.

If they really mess up, they can stick around and drown their sorrows.

Thank you, Linda. You are such a mate. Cheers.

Well, you did ask him.

Yeah, well, I'm going to ask his opinion as well.

Dad, what do you reckon about this?

Yeah, for what?

Well, we're going to the bank to ask for a loan.

-Right, so you're going to go through with that, are you?

-Yeah, why wouldn't we?

All we need is a bit of start-up capital for a solicitor's fee and marketing material.

-Paperclips and that.

-Yeah. No, you look... nice.

Nice? Max, appearance is important.

Maybe you'd sell a few more cars if you looked a little less crumpled.

-Sorry?

-You know what they say about owners and their dogs?

I'm not being funny, Dad,

but you do look a lot more like Tramp these days!

Lauren, I'm just about to make two grand for dropping

a motor off in Wanstead.

So don't worry about me. Worry about what you're going to do

-when the bank manager laughs in your face.

-Dad!

Banks don't give money to anyone, do they?

You ain't got no assets, Lauren. And you've hardly even had a proper job. Think about it.

Do you know what, he's got a point.

This is clearly a bad idea.

Don't say that!

I'm not being funny, Lucy, but look at me.

I don't know nothing about business - you've done this all before.

Not like this! We are starting our own company from scratch.

Which is ridiculous.

Lauren, you're creative, you're intelligent.

And you're my best friend and I really need you.

We just need to...

tweak your image a little bit.

Bill. Bill.

Do you know what, I'm going to start calling you that from now on.

I'm just the messenger.

What's she doing in here? We ain't even open yet.

I said she could do a couple of interviews.

Why is she letting a competitor interview staff in our pub?

Have you seen the books lately?

-We in trouble?

-If L says it's all right for Sharon to be here,

it's all right for Sharon to be here.

Sorry I hosed you down.

Shouldn't you be at work?

Day off. Thought I'd come and see my favourite lady.

Don't worry, we're off out later.

How come Fireman Samantha's sniffing about again?

I don't know - maybe because she's my girlfriend?

Will you turn it in, please? We've got bigger things to worry about.

If that market closes, we'll lose all our punters.

Then why is Linda giving a helping hand to our biggest rival?

Like Mick says, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

It's all part of my master plan.

Oh, and what's that, then? Show everyone you're a mug?

Who was that on the phone before?

Nothing important.

Something's happened.

Mick!

You have one minute to come down here and move that van or I'll get someone to move it for you!

What is it about men with a little bit of power, eh?

Could you just... Could you please just let them finish?

It's just Sharon's really doing my head in about her "big opening night" next week.

I'd really appreciate it.

All right, for my two favourite ladies.

-Just tell them to move it when they are finished.

-Thanks.

-Oh, put your tongue away.

-What? I'm just doing a bit of window shopping.

Anyway, Amy is at Jack's for the weekend, so...

What's the plan? For tonight.

I thought we'll hit the West End, a few bars, and then we'll...

We were just going for a quiet drink.

You said don't make a fuss.

Well, I didn't mean it. It's my birthday.

We should be out all night.

Look, we're not 18 any more, Roxy.

Thank you for reminding me! Thank you.

Bloke called Brian for you. Says he rang earlier.

Do you owe him money, then?

Who's Brian?

It's my dad's neighbour.

Reckons the old man's had a fall.

-Shouldn't you go and see him, then?

-Nah.

-Look, I ain't your dad's biggest fan either but...

-Well, it's not really my problem.

Well, thanks for coming. Cheers.

Oh! I envy you, Linda. Traditional pub, family behind the bar.

You know, trying to find staff to work for me at The Albert is a nightmare.

-I can imagine.

-I mean, I need people who can entertain

sophisticated clientele, you know.

I mean, here people are happy if you bung them a lukewarm pint and some out-of-date pork scratchings.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

You know, you're traditional, like I said.

You know, most landlords - they'd have come in here and completely

modernised the place, they'd have put in a pool table and all sorts.

But not you.

Oh, Linda, I just want The Albert to be the best bar in Walford, you know.

-I've got all these amazing plans.

-Like what?

Now that would be telling, wouldn't it!

I thought I told you to refill the optics.

What's rattled her cage?

No idea.

Can I get a vodka and tonic? Double, please.

-What are we celebrating?

-How old do you think I look?

Not a day over 21.

I'm 36. Today.

Which according to my sister means I'm too old to celebrate.

No. You're never too old for a party!

Here you are, start with that. On the house.

Aw, thank you! Well at least somebody cares, eh?

Were you chatting her up?

Course I'm not! It's Roxy. She's a mate.

Anyway, it's her sister I want to have a chat with.

I told you this was a waste of time.

No, we just need a proper shop.

You know, somewhere a bit more "young professional".

But that's hardly me, is it?

OK, this is the new you.

Lauren Branning - businesswoman - entrepreneur!

I didn't know he was still around. Where's he been staying, then?

The market inspector's.

How do you know that?

Dad said.

Come on, I know somewhere else we can go.

Jane!

Hey, are you busy? I was going to cook lunch for -

Oh, no, sorry, I'm at Ian's all afternoon.

-Oh? Hot date, yeah?

-No, it's a meeting about the restaurant. We've got the fitters coming round.

I was only joking. See you later.

We've only just cleared up from the wake, Tina. It's hardly appropriate.

A party is just what everyone needs.

And we've got a load of leftovers in the fridge to use up.

Think about it, Mick, OK? Load of happy punters, tills ringing...

I know you're worried about money.

You know, my name might not be over the door, but I want to help.

Yeah, why not?

-I love you.

-I love you.

All I'm saying is, the vintage look is very fashionable.

-I thought we'd agreed bright and contemporary.

-Can't we do both?

-It'd be a contradiction.

Not necessarily. We don't want to come across as sterile.

Why can't you just trust my vision?

-Your vision?

-Yeah.

-What about my vision?

-I'm the one who started this restaurant.

Oh, and how did that go for you?!

I want my restaurant to be cutting edge. What is wrong with that?

-Where's the warmth?

-What, you think I can't make a restaurant warm?

Ian, you wouldn't know warm if I set your trousers on fire!

You know something, I have really missed this.

Me too.

Jane, I didn't mean that!

Don't even think about following me!

What, a party?

Yeah, we'll handle catering, decorations, drinks...

We'll have a nice bottle of bubbly on ice for when you arrive.

Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just, it's Roxy's birthday.

I don't know if she's going to want to spend it at the Vic.

No? She's sat in there right now. By herself.

Look, you're her family.

Don't you want to make sure she's looked after, made a fuss of?

Where else are you going to get at this notice?

And you know we throw a naughty party.

Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

All right. How much is it going to cost me?

I'm really sorry, Lucy. When the bank manager said "gross", I thought he meant...

Don't worry about it. It's just a set back.

You heard what he said, though!

"You do not meet our lending criteria."

I am not giving up, all right? I need this.

I'm tired of slaving around for people who treat me like dirt.

And this time next year, we are

going to be sitting in our own luxury offices, I promise you.

Tea to go.

You all right? Your dad told me you had a meeting at the bank.

How'd it go?

Not good.

Right, well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Chin up, eh?

Right, I'll leave you ladies to it.

No, do you know what? You are right. We can do this.

You're right, we can.

We just need to find someone with some spare cash.

A party? For the Mitchells?

I think it's a great idea. With The Albert opening next week, we need to remind everyone

-that we're still the best boozer in Walford.

-L's right.

If we want this place to survive, we need to be proactive. We all need to graft together.

Right, that's you and me decided then, Shirl. We're on decorations.

Linda, Nancy, go and have a look at that grub from the wake - see if there's anything usable.

Johnny boy, the floors and the khazis.

I want 'em scrubbed, I want 'em spotless.

Why does he get all the glamorous jobs?

Come on then, liven up!

You're worried about him, I can tell.

You know, if you go and check Stan's OK,

-it don't mean you've forgiven him.

-Why should I?

-For Tina? She cares even if you don't.

He's probably done it on purpose, so he can weasel his way back into our lives.

What, so you're just going to abandon him?

He abandoned us.

Sure you're up for this?

OK, I'll see you later. Bye.

You all right, Ronnie? Listen, are you seeing Stacey again?

No, I'm not. Why don't you leave her alone, Max?

All right. Only asking.

Oh!

I am so sorry!

Can't you just watch where you're going?

I wanted to drink it, not wear it!

Johnny! Get the mop!

What time you clocking off?

-I'm ready for a big night with my little lady.

-Yeah...

We've just had a party booking. Mick's going to need my help.

What about our night out?

We can go out tomorrow. It's Roxy's birthday!

No, no, no, don't be like that!

Peace offering?

Er, yeah, cheers.

Sorry, I shouldn't have bitten your head off.

Can't blame you, after I poured scalding hot coffee down you.

Trust me, I've had a lot of pain inflicted on me

by women over the years. That weren't even in the top ten.

The voice of experience.

Well, you know, my life ain't worked out how I had it all planned.

How so?

It's all right, just ignore me. Just being a grumpy old man.

Come on. You'd be doing me a favour.

Take my mind off my own problems.

Well, you know. It's just...

well, just seeing Stacey again brought a lot of stuff back.

-Bradley?

-Yeah.

Yeah, but not just him. Tanya. Just a lot of ghosts.

Max, maybe you should focus on the future.

Pastures new.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think you might be right.

Listen, stay and have a little drink with me.

Has someone put Viagra in the water supply around here or something?

So? How did you two get on?

Right.

Well, don't worry, you'll think of something.

We already have.

Yeah, we just need a grand. To start us off.

No. Ain't going to happen.

See? Forget it, Luce.

Why would he believe I could actually achieve something anyway?

Well, I just hope she kept the receipt for that suit.

What?

You know, a year ago she was drinking herself into a early grave.

And now she's trying to launch her own business.

Any real man would give his daughter a bit of support.

Well, if you can't get here on time, don't bother coming.

You still looking for that bar staff?

Well, so far they've all been a waste of space.

-You?

-Yeah, why not?

Well, what would your family say?

I could not care less what they think. They treat me like their lackey.

Anyway, I want to work somewhere with a bit more style.

Well, thanks for the compliment but I don't think it's a good idea.

-Why not? I've been pulling pints since before I could walk.

-Well, the thing is,

we need people who can do more than just pull pints.

OK, then what will it be? Long Island Ice Tea?

Mojito? Rusty Nail?

You've got a bit of swagger, I'll give you that.

Well, I've never had any complaints yet.

And you don't mind that you'd be sleeping with the enemy?

No offence, you're not really my type.

Cheeky.

Well, go on, then. I'll have a Cosmopolitan.

But if you want to work for me,

it'll have to be the best I've ever tasted.

What are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be at home?

What for?

I've come to see what mischief that Cora's done

while I ain't been here.

You should be taking it easy, Dot.

You sound like that grandson of mine.

It's just because we care.

Oh - I forgot to thank you.

For what?

For that nice reading you did yesterday.

What's the matter? Is it something what Ian has done?

He kissed me.

Ooh. Oh, dear. Ain't he supposed to be engaged to Denise?

I know!

It's all my fault.

I honestly thought we could work together as friends.

I've been stupid.

You ain't stupid. You've got more between your ears than all them

wives of his put together.

I'm sick of people trying to take advantage of me, Dot.

Yes. Well, you go on and you show him who's in charge.

Go on. Go and tell him.

Thank you, Dot.

-It looks good.

-I know. Not that it matters now.

How do you get your parents to take you seriously?

Where've you been?

Look in there.

Your dad just gave it to me.

-How?

-Well, he saw my figures and didn't want to miss out on a good thing.

I can't believe he's done this for me.

This is really going to happen, isn't it?

LB Lettings is officially in business!

Here, Luce - I thought you said you made this?

Yeah, I did.

Right, then why does it say "Web design by Jake Stone"

at the bottom, then?

He was just giving me a helping hand.

Yeah, I bet he was. I quit.

What?

Here we go, here we go. Oi, oi, oi, oi!

Happy birthday!

-The Vic?

-Yeah.

-Oh, well, you've really pushed the boat out, then?

-And where is everybody, anyway?

-They're all on their way.

Don't worry about it.

Trust me, no-one throws a party like us.

-It's going to be great! Don't worry.

-Go on, get yourself in that VIP area over there.

Go on. Oi, oi.

We might only need 20 of those.

Because if we do the pictures, it's going to reduce the number of...

I wasn't sure if you were coming back, so we just got started.

Hello. I've sketched out some brand-new designs.

We don't want to keep falling back on the same old cliches, do we, Ian?

No, wait!

I didn't go near Jake. I swear nothing happened.

He was just helping me with the website.

So why did you lie to me about it, then?

Because I knew you wouldn't like it. No more secrets.

This is never going to work if we don't trust each other.

Partners?

I know we've had our ups and downs,

-but it's going to be different this time.

-Do you promise?

Cross my heart and hope to die.

-Yeah. All right. Partners.

-Cool.

So, why don't we go out next week and celebrate your birthday

and the launch of our new business?

Yeah, OK. You're buying, though.

No. Your dad is!

TEXT ALERT

Thank you, we'll be in touch.

That went very well.

You certainly know how to get your point across.

Listen, about earlier...

All that, us, is in the past.

We are just business partners, clear?

Crystal.

Forget it ever happened.

Forget what happened?

You see, now this is more like it!

All right, it's not a complete disaster anyway.

Can't believe my sister's turning 36.

Yeah, and what have I got to show for it, eh?

The best sister in the world? A beautiful daughter?

All right! All right!

But is, you know, a tall, handsome stranger too much to ask for?

You'll find someone, I promise you.

Here's to a new start.

To a new start.

Time for a refill!

What can I get the birthday girl?

Oh, um... Bottle of champagne, please?

Vodka and coke?

Right, that'll be a no.

-Who's next?

-Can I get...

A bottle of champagne.

And two glasses.

I've already said I'm sorry.

Just call me back when you get this, OK?

What's the matter?

Tosh won't answer my calls.

She's probably too busy chatting some girl up.

Well, do yourself a favour.

Go upstairs, put some slap on that beautiful boat and go and find her.

Remind her what's she's got. Go on, get out of it.

You know what we should have in this place? A pool table.

You don't like pool.

You do.

And if I feel left out, I could always hold your cue.

Really?

Sorry for hassling you about your dad.

-You know, I ain't worried about him. I'm worried about you.

-Me?

You might act like you don't give a damn, Mick Carter, but I know you.

Unless you find out if Stan's OK,

you won't be able to live with yourself.

You know why? Because you're a better man than he is.

Tina will batter me if she finds out I've left him in the lurch.

So you'll go and see him?

Yes, I'll go. You win!

I'm only going to go and check on him. I can't do all this small-talk.

I told you you're an old softy.

Go on, then.

What, now? No, I was going to go in the morning.

No time like the present.

All right.

I can't tell you. Not until I've spoken to Mum.

He's got something he wants to say.

Spit it out.

Right, look, I went to see Sharon earlier.

I've got a new job. At The Albert.

You what?

That's my boy! I'm proud of you.

You sure about this?

Can someone tell me what's going on here?

If The Albert's our competitor,

we're going to need someone on the inside.

Still think I'm a mug?

Looks like the Mitchells aren't the only ones that know how to play dirty.

That was the best birthday ever!

Did I see you getting friendly with Aleks earlier?

-Did he sweep you off your feet?

-Yes, something like that, all right.

I'm sorry I was such a miserable cow earlier.

And thank you for dropping all that Stacey stuff.

You know I love you, don't you?

Yes, I know. Shut up.

Hi, it's me.

Thanks again for your help.

I can't wait to see you.

And you're right, Lauren doesn't have to know.

Uh!