30/05/2014 EastEnders

Oi!

Oh, sorry.

Don't know if I'm coming or going today. How much?

So, how was the wedding?

Well, there was a bit of a problem actually.

-My mum and dad had to postpone it.

-Cancel, actually.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

-No, it's fine.

Well, you're doing very well.

Oh, really?

The tumours have responded well to the chemotherapy.

This was you in December last year.

The fluffy white patches are the cancer.

And this is you, now.

-Ah.

-Definitely less dense.

Excellent progress. Well done.

The right breast will still have to be removed, of course.

And we have to decide what to do about the left.

Now, clearly a double mastectomy is a big decision.

Let me take you through the pros and cons.

Actually, I can't deal with this at the moment.

I'm really sorry.

Just a bit of a mistake to mention the wedding,

but you weren't to know.

See ya.

Where's your nan?

What are you doing here? You're supposed to be ill.

-Where is she?

-Well, she's gone to the hospital with Mum.

-What? To see me?

-No, to see the consultant.

Oh, don't tell me you forgot?

Oh, I thought I told her not to bother.

Oh, I'm all over the show. What time is the appointment?

It was about now, I think.

-Where's the little ones?

-Whit's taken them out for the day.

How is she? Is she still mad at me?

Who, Whit?

-No, your nan.

-Oh, well, she's not happy.

Right, well, I'm going to have a shower, sort myself out, all right?

Tell me all about it when I get back down.

But, Grandad, what are you doing out of hospital already?

We're going on honeymoon later, ain't we?

Isn't that a bit dangerous?

What's life without a bit of danger, eh? Stick the kettle on.

We can always go back, you know. It's not too late.

I mean, we can go in Sonia's car this time.

Will you stop keeping going on about it, Bianca?

You're not the one having to go through it all.

Look, that's not fair, is it?

And anyway, I don't even think this is about the cancer,

-this is about Dad.

-Is it, really?

-Yes, it is.

Because you're acting as though you're not bothered,

and it's obvious you are. I mean, it's just obvious.

Anyway, I said I'd tell Sonia what happened.

You do it. I want to be on my own.

What are you doing?

I'm just getting everything ready, Liam.

Oh, so you still think you're going on a honeymoon?

If I gave up on your nan every time she was angry at me,

we'd never have got past holding hands.

But what if she doesn't want to marry you?

Course she wants to marry me.

Of course she does. I'm all right, I'm all right.

We just had words, didn't we, eh?

It's not the first time. She'll come round.

Right...mustn't forget those cards.

What makes you think that?

Eh?

What makes you think that?

You've got a lot to learn, Sonny Junior.

When a woman is mad at you, I mean, really mad at you,

what does that mean?

It means she cares.

It's when she's indifferent you've got to worry about it.

Right, I want you to take my suits to the dry cleaners for me,

please, and don't lose the ticket.

What the hell are you doing here?

Make yourself scarce, mate.

Right, before we start...

I'm sorry about what I said yesterday. It was unforgivable.

I apologise.

Me too.

Right.

Well, what are you doing here?

And what are these doing there?

Hang on. I want to know what the consultant said, Carol.

And she just walked out before he could even talk to her?

Yeah. She's still wound up about yesterday.

-Right, well, I need to talk to her.

-You'll be lucky.

-No, I don't care. I need to see her now.

-What?

Oh, sorry, Marie, it's a family emergency... Sonia!

You're kidding...double mastectomy?

The decision's been made.

I don't want to have that conversation all over again.

So it has spread then, has it?

No, but we discussed it and we agreed that that's the best way,

so let's move forward.

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-Now what are you doing out of hospital?

Hang on, hang on.

Oh, get rid of them.

What are you doing out of hospital?

They discharged me, Carol. It was just a blip.

So what was that blood clot all about?

Well, that's just it, it's gone, ain't it? It's gone.

So, no blip, no clot, no problem. Can we just talk about us, please?

-PHONE RINGS

-Why would they discharge somebody less than 24 hours

after they'd had a heart attack?

I don't know. Maybe they needed the bed or something.

I'm not here, all right? Carol...

Hello? Just a sec.

It's the hospital. They want to speak to you.

I'm not taking it. I mean it. I'm not.

I'm sorry, he's just popped out. Can I take a message?

Yeah, OK.

Yeah, I'll do that.

No, I understand.

OK, thanks.

-So, they discharged you, did they?

-All right, maybe I discharged myself.

That's not what the nurse said just now. She said you snuck out without telling anybody.

Yeah, and why do you think I did that?

And also, you've been refusing their calls.

-Was that them just now?

-Because I needed to see you.

You are unbelievable sometimes! It's like that old joke.

How do you know when David Wicks is lying?

Cos his lips are moving.

I didn't want to get bogged down in that argument then.

I just wanted to make sure we were all right.

You better phone them back because they're pretty insistent.

Yeah, I will, I will, I will...in a bit.

Not now.

Carol, look at me.

Carol, look...about yesterday...

Do you know what? We've apologised.

There's nothing more to say about that.

If you hadn't have stormed off like that,

if you'd have given me a chance, I could've explained.

You said - and these were your very words - you wish you'd died.

No, I never said that, no.

On what was supposed to be our wedding day!

How do you think that made me feel?

Well, you'd just accused me of having a heart attack on purpose!

-FRONT DOOR OPENS

-How do you think that made me feel?

Clearly not good.

Thank you.

Bianca just told me.

What's he doing here?

They haven't discharged you?

No, of course they haven't discharged him, he's just walked out.

-What?

-Do you think I'd have done that if I still felt rotten?

I'm fine. Look at me.

David, you cannot do that. They've got drugs to prescribe...

No, no, it's all right, Sonia, he will be going back to the hospital, won't you?

Yes, definitely. The minute we come back after honeymoon.

-What?

-Come on girls, me and your mother are talking. Can you give us a bit?

Yeah, of course, but not before I ask you why you left the consultant

before he had a chance to explain anything.

Sorry?

Can you leave us, please, Sonia?

Did I just hear right?

Did you actually walk out on the consultant

before he'd had a chance to explain anything?

And I'm the big liar round here?

I said the decision had been made.

You said you discussed it.

You did. You know you did.

All right, fair do's. I'm a liar, OK? I admit it.

But at least I'm an honest liar.

I need to make this decision myself.

Well, so, what are you going to do, then?

I don't know.

Then why did you say it?

Carol?

To shut you up. To shut everybody up.

What have I said since day one?

That I would support you, whatever decision you make.

And I have not deviated from that one jot, have I?

-No.

-Well, what makes you think I'm going to say anything different now?

I don't know. I've had one hell of a 24 hours.

I just panicked.

And then you lied.

Yes, and then I lied.

It wasn't as bad as your lie.

I'll say what I've said since day one.

Breasts or no breasts,

it won't make any difference to how I feel about you.

I'll still fancy you.

What?

-Are you sure that's not another lie?

-No way, Jose.

I know it was said for the best of reasons, no doubt.

But, you know, don't make out like it's not a problem.

Cos regardless of whether I lose one breast or two,

it will be a problem and we should stop pretending that it won't.

-Deal?

-Deal.

And I really am sorry about what I said yesterday. I just lost it.

It's fine. It's forgotten.

I had... I had a conversation with Ian yesterday.

What - Ian, Ian?

Yeah, and he was saying how we all go about

pretending to be something that we're not.

Ring any bells?

No, I'm not having a go at you.

I'm just as bad. And, in fact, we all do it.

Tell little lies all the time.

Either to protect each other or to protect ourselves.

Yeah, probably.

What would it be like if we were to stop?

I mean, really stop.

What if there was no more pretending? No more lies.

Not even little ones.

So we saw each other as we really are?

But we've done that, haven't we?

There's been times when you and I...

No, I'm not talking about in bed.

I'm talking about all the time.

It's not just about being honest to each other,

it's about being honest to yourself.

You know, in everything you do.

What kind of relationship would that be?

Scary.

Terrifying.

If you really knew what went on up here...

..you wouldn't like it. I know you wouldn't.

Same here.

THEY BOTH LAUGH

What are they doing in there?

Why was that so funny?

I don't know.

Well, come on then, want to start?

We'd never keep it up.

All in good time. We could try, couldn't we?

All right. Let me go first.

Go on, then.

Honest answers only, remember?

What is it you see in me?

And I'm not fishing for compliments. I mean, REALLY see?

I want to impress you.

I want you to think I'm better than I am, but, of course, you don't.

And that's why I keep coming back for more.

I mean I can lie, and lie, and lie... most people fall for it,

but you - you are the only one who never has.

Are you sure?

What are you saying?

You think you're the mother I never had, or something?

I don't know. You tell me.

I certainly see bits of my dad in you.

He was a bit of a rogue.

Especially when he was younger.

Plus, he was never there for me. Not really.

Like Pat was never there for you. So, makes sense.

Yeah, maybe.

Right, my turn.

No, no, no. Let me ask you another one.

You can't have two questions, that's not fair!

This is a more important one.

You know yesterday, when you said that you wished you'd died...

Did you mean it?

Oh, Carol, I thought we'd forgotten about that.

I'm not cross. I just need to know.

I was angry, weren't I?

Honest answers only, remember?

Come on, you clearly weren't making it up.

All right.

Do you never get that feeling where you just wished it would all stop?

And there was a button that you could press, eh?

I mean, I'm not talking suicide... I'd never do that.

But if there was a button

that would somehow magically

just switch it all off.

You would feel tempted, wouldn't you?

Maybe.

Well, that is exactly what it was like for me out there yesterday.

But it was real.

The girls had got me in the car

and they was arguing cos it wouldn't start.

And I was just lying there thinking...

I've screwed up,

yet again.

And if this is it...really it...

..then why not? Bring it on.

I didn't choose to think that, but that's... I did.

And what about me and the kids?

And all the people that care for you and love you?

I know that, don't I? I do know that.

But there's a part of me that...

What?

It's like my mum always said,

"Anyone who cares about you, David, they must be a mug.

"Cos if they really knew you, they wouldn't."

So, I'm a mug now, am I?

No, not you. Not you. That's what I'm saying.

Not you. You're the only one who's never fallen for it.

What were you going to ask me?

Well, the same, you know. What you see in me.

Only unlike you, I am fishing for compliments.

See, I make you laugh. We know that.

I mean apart from that.

Well, you're certainly a challenge.

And I have this weird fantasy that I can tame you.

Good luck with that.

Well, exactly.

And the ridiculous thing is if I ever did,

I probably wouldn't like it.

In fact, I know I wouldn't.

So, what's the point?

What's it all about?

I mean, why would I keep putting myself though all that?

You have no idea how many times I've said, "Never again."

I think I probably do.

Every time you disappear, I say,

"That's it now. I'm not going to make the same mistake again."

Then, months turn into years and I look back on us

and I think, "What on earth was all that about?

"How can I have been so pathetically needy?"

Cos believe me, David, when you're not around, I do cope.

I get on with my life. I've had other boyfriends.

Even thought I was in love with one or two of them.

And then you turn up

and it's like none of that counted for anything.

Cos there's this...

..electromagnet. And...

I'm helpless in the face of it.

And I resent it like mad.

You have no idea how guilty I feel about Masood.

You know, he was a decent bloke and he didn't deserve what I did to him.

What we did to him.

And that is why I still want to marry you.

So we can put a stop to that once and for all.

I want to grow up, David.

And I can't do that when you're around.

You know, we hold each other back.

Surely you can see that?

Let's discuss this after the honeymoon, please.

Are you listening to me?

You'll feel differently after two weeks in the sun.

You've seen the brochure. It's paradise.

Maybe I don't want to feel different.

All right, I wasn't going to tell you this now.

I was going to wait until we got out there to surprise you,

but I'm going to tell you.

This ain't just a holiday.

I've booked you a consultation with a plastic surgeon in Miami.

You don't have to make a decision then.

But he is the top breast reconstruction surgeon in the world.

I mean, seriously, Carol. He is the best.

So even if you do decide to go for the double,

by the time he's finished with you, they'll be almost as good as new.

You know when you asked me what I liked about you...

one of the things I was going to say is that you always

had the power to surprise me.

What did you say to me not five minutes ago?

You said, "Breasts or no breasts, you'd still fancy me."

No, no, no, no, no.

This has got nothing to do with me.

-Oh, come on!

-This is about you.

Are you telling me you want to lose them both?

I'm trying to give you something to look forward to. A bit of hope.

Hope?

You know the hardest thing about the last six months?

It's not the cancer. I can handle the cancer.

It's the hope, that's the problem.

It's the hope that drains you.

It's the hope that keeps you awake at night and drives you mad.

-I'm done with hope.

-You say that now...

I want to be accepted for how I am!

This is me. This is the truth.

All right, you've made your point.

And where was the money going to come from, anyway?

Something like that would have costed tens of thousands of pounds.

It's all taken care of.

What, is this...is this blood money from Janine?

If we need any more, I'll just take it out of the business.

-And Max knows about this, does he?

-What's it got to do with him?

-What, you've not mentioned it to him at all?

-Why should I?

-Cos you're partners!

-Carol, it's my money.

I put it in, I can take it out.

Not if it leaves my brother high and dry.

-Why are we having this conversation?

-Cos you want to marry me.

-Yes, please.

-Yes, and marriage is a partnership!

Oh, I see where you're going with this one.

Mum?

What, darling?

I just wondered if you might want something to eat.

No, it's all right, darling, we're fine. Leave us.

-You sure?

-I'm fine, yeah.

It's all right, David's going. For good.

Eh? Whoa, whoa, hang on. Hang on!

-Can you just leave us, darling, please?

-Carol, please, wait...

Darling, give us a...

-Carol...

-No, I mean it.

No. I've just had... I've just had a moment's clarity.

A little glimpse into the future.

Forget about the doctor, then.

Look, we don't even have to go on honeymoon. Come on.

It's too late.

If you love me like you say you do,

if you have any feelings for me at all...you'll go.

It doesn't have to be horrible. It doesn't have to be shouty.

You know, I don't want to be left feeling angry and resentful.

I just want you to go. Your things are all packed.

There's nothing to stop you.

Where am I supposed to go then, eh?

Well, hospital would be a good idea. And then, I don't know.

I know you're hurting,

and I'm sure there'd be a number of pretty young women in Florida

who would like to kiss it better for you.

You don't want it to be nasty?

Sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

Come here.

No.

What are you doing?

Phoning for a car.

Yeah, it's David Wicks here,

can I have a car, please, to 31 Albert Square?

Yeah, Walford General, please. Now, if you can.

Lovely, ta.

Right, I'll be on my way.

I'll leave it over there.

That's all right, I've got it.

I'll get this together.

Dad?

Are you really going?

Yeah.

Don't just put it down like that. Fold it up properly.

No, it's all right, just bung it in.

Sure you wouldn't rather have those?

Like I'd ever change my name to Wicks.

Well, you changed it from Branning to Jackson, didn't you?

I want to grow up, remember?

You know, yesterday, when you went to find something blue

and then lost it, what was it?

Stay there a minute, don't move.

-What's he doing?

-I don't know.

Bianca, give us a couple of minutes, will you, darling?

-Close your eyes.

-Why?

Just close them.

Close them.

Keep them closed.

OK, you can open them now.

MUSIC: "Misty Blue" by Dorothy Moore

# Oh... #

I could've got it on CD,

but it felt right to get the actual record, you know?

Ever since we heard it on the radio that morning,

I haven't stopped thinking about it.

And when Bianca said you needed something blue...

blue...

Couldn't resist.

Come here.

# Just the thought of you

# Turns my whole world misty blue

# Oh, honey

# Just the mention of your name

# Turns the flicker to a flame

# Listen to me good, baby

# I think of the things we used to do

# And my whole world turns misty blue

# Oh, baby

# I should forget you

# Heaven knows I tried

# Baby, when I say that I'm glad we're through... #

I hate this kind of music.

# Deep in my heart I know I've lied

# It's been such a long, long time

# Looks like I'd get you off of my mind

# But I can't

# Just the thought of you, my love

# My whole world turns misty blue

# Ohh...

# I can't, oh, I can't forget you

RECORD SKIPS

# Forget you

# Forget you

# Forget you

# Forget you

# Forget you

# Forget you

# Forget you... #

Knackered.

Here you are. Yours to keep.

I'm not that little girl any more.

We both know that.

HORN HONKS

There's my car.

I'll see you.

Promise me you'll go back to the hospital.

Ta-ta, darling.

Dad?

You deserve better than me.

Why?

Your mum will explain.

I'll never stop loving you.

Keep in touch, yeah?

Ta-ta.

Walford General is it now, sir?

No, I've changed my mind.

Take me to Heathrow Airport, please.

You do realise that's going to cost you?

It already has, mate.