07/07/2014 EastEnders

PATRICK CHUCKLES

Karaoke, eh?

Yeah. You going to come over and give us a little number later, Patrick?

Ah, we'll see. If you're lucky.

You're popular today. Who's that?

You remember that guy I met at Pride - Gianluca?

Yeah. The Italian one?

Yeah. He's in London, he wants to see me tonight.

Do you like him?

Yeah.

Invite him to this.

Let me think about that for a minute...

Absolutely not.

You scared of what Mum might say?

No.

John, you've got to do it at some point.

Obviously. Obviously.

Hi. I was just wondering if my magazine had arrived yet?

Yeah, it might have. If it is, it's somewhere in one of those.

Hi.

-Sorry. Can you come back?

-Man, you keep saying that.

I could have ordered it on the internet

if I knew how to get online.

Is everything all right?

HE GRUMBLES

Hey.

You happy?

Sure.

Pity we can't stay in bed all day.

Why don't you get yourself up and I'll buy us a late breakfast?

OK.

Get your trotters off the table.

You'll have to shoot off in a minute.

-I'm not doing any harm.

-I know and I don't care.

I've got to prepare Linda's surprise

and this is going to be a nice ladies' spa room.

All the more reason to stay.

You lot are no fun.

I'd better go and knock for Cora.

-Sorry, knock for Cora? What are you, 12?

-SHE LAUGHS

What a cheek. I don't look a day over 11.

Have we heard anything from Shirley yet?

No. I've text her, but I've heard nothing back.

She'll come around. The wanderer always returns.

Right. So... Pinot Grigio.

Got a facial cleansing mask...

We've got aromatherapy oils. Lovely. Oh, a cucumber.

-Ooh! Why've we got a cucumber?

-For her minces!

-Oh.

-All right.

Ah, peppermint foot lotion.

No way am I rubbing her feet.

You will be rubbing her feet. I need you to keep her upstairs.

-For how long?

-For as long as it takes.

But what if she puts on ABBA?

-Then you're going to get up and you're going to dance.

-SHE GROANS

Why you can't just tell us what the surprise is?

Cos you and Johnny are too easily bribed.

-Don't worry. You'll find out later.

-Is it a stripper?

What're you talking about strippers for? Don't need strippers.

Look at me. I've got the body of a swimmer.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Seriously, listen,

it'll mean a lot to her, you spending a bit of time with her.

< Mick?

In the living room.

I thought we agreed we weren't going to have karaoke?

Hello. What's all this for?

It's for you!

What was that? Did I hear someone say "indoor spa day?"

-SHE SHRIEKS HAPPILY

-Nancy!

HAPPY SIGH

Here.

Medical journal? Are you sure this is what he ordered?

Yeah. I remember thinking it was weird at the time.

So why didn't you tell me?

You don't think there's something wrong with him, do you?

I do now.

TV PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

Aw! Look at William! How cute is he?

-Are you sure he's yours, Pops?

-Oi! I'm gorgeous, I am.

Yeah. So he's doing well, then, is he?

Looks like it.

-Living the American dream, eh?

-Except they're in Canada.

All right - living the Canadian dream, then.

I don't think there's such a thing.

Pops, I know you miss him, but you've just got to try and look

on the bright side now - you get to spend more time with Janet an' that.

Yeah.

DRINK POURS

BIRDS TWEET

What's this?

Sounds distinctly like a woodland forest on a beautiful

summer's morning to me, Mother.

-What? I chose it specially.

-It's a bit weird.

-It's relaxing. Now close your eyes, please.

-OK.

Just go with it.

Let the sound of the...wood and the...

..song of the bird wash over you.

Find your happy place - your inner you...

-Who is Linda?

-Are you on something?

-Fine! I won't do it, then!

-Oh, Nance!

No. I hated it anyway.

-I'm only teasing you!

-It was stupid.

It was a little bit stupid.

Cos, I mean, we can pretend we're in a woodland forest but at the

end of the day we're in the living room and it's just you and me.

-And, actually, that's all I want. That IS my happy place.

-Aw!

If you get rid of all Stan's horrible stuff.

Shall I just do the face masks?

Yuck!

I was just coming to look for you. Fancy a cuppa?

I feel like something stronger.

Well, we can still have a stiff drink in the caff.

Have you never heard of an Irish coffee?

You old devil.

You sure you're OK?

Yeah. I'm as right as rain, why?

You ordered the thing. Why didn't you tell me?

What am I supposed to think?

HE CHUCKLES

You silly woman!

Look now, man. It's my son, Anthony.

He's written an article about his time in Cambodia.

Look at him, man. My boy! Handsome like his father, eh?

-So why you didn't tell me about this?

-You didn't ask me.

I didn't mean it like that.

You've had so much on your plate lately.

HE CHUCKLES

Look at him. My boy...

Yeah, man.

-All right, Dad?

-Hi, Tina.

I feel like I owe you an apology for not going with you to see Aunt Babe.

-It's fine.

-You're upset with me.

-I just feel a bit judged, that's all.

-Judged?

You've obviously got your reservations.

Yes, of course I have.

I've got a lot going on at the moment.

But I get it, Tina. You're doing it for your family.

And because of that I'm willing to turn a blind eye.

MUSIC: "In The Waiting Line" by Zero 7

This is the life, ain't it?

Mmm.

Where's your cucumber? Oh Nancy!

I'm going to go down and get some more Pinot.

-No!

-Why?

-I'll go.

-No, no, you're all right. I'll go.

-No, no, no. I'll go.

-Honestly.

-Mum, you're relaxing.

-Yeah, and you're hiding something.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Nancy, I weren't born yesterday.

So you'd better tell me what's going on.

SHE GROANS

-What are you saying? You thought he wasn't well?

-Yeah.

But he's all right?

It just turns out it's cos Anthony was in that magazine.

-Right, so what's the problem?

-Well, there wasn't one.

-So why are we having this conversation?

-I feel bad.

You know, I haven't been around for him much lately.

But there's nothing wrong with him.

If there was. I've just been so distracted with all this...

Distracted?

I didn't mean it like that.

No, no, no. It's fine. Don't let me distract you any more.

I'd hate to keep you from someone else's non-existent problems.

Come on, you know that's not what I meant.

Denise, I really haven't got time for this. All right.

If it bothers you that much, go and talk to Patrick.

Here.

It's not my style.

Why? I think it'd look lovely on you.

You don't like the way I dress. I'm representing the council.

I need to look smart.

So what's your excuse for when you're not representing the council?

HE TUTS

Come on. I'm only playing with you.

But you're not, are you?

I just think you could afford to mix it up a little bit.

You think a jacket will fix him, do you?

Oi, oi, oi. Leave it. He's not worth it. Just leave it.

I'll tell you what, come on. I want to go clubbing.

-I fancy busting some moves.

-I don't feel like it.

Why? Cos you can't dance?

-As a matter of fact, I'm an excellent dancer.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

It isn't a power cut. You sure it isn't a fuse?

Nah. Probably just some dodgy wiring. Don't worry about it.

I'll have a look.

Well, if I pop to the shop I'm not going to come back to find

-you've been electrocuted, am I?

-Don't be stupid. Go on. Go.

-Be careful.

-Yeah.

-See ya.

-See ya later.

DOOR CLOSES

I knew it was too good to be true.

What?

Me and you having girlie time together.

When you were little, me and your dad bought you

this Princess Jasmine costume for a party.

Did you hair in bunches. Covered in sequins.

You looked lovely. Anyway, we dropped you off

and we weren't five minutes down the road when your dad's mobile rang.

We had to turn around and come straight back -

you'd ripped off the costume and were running

around in your pants, covered in mud, playing football with the boys.

NANCY LAUGHS What can I say?

I'm more of a World Cup girl than a beauty queen, Mum.

I know. And I've accepted that fact.

And that I'll never get you in a dress.

Still, if this is what it takes to spend time with you

I might as well go with it.

Go with what?

Or of course, I could always tell your dad you slipped up

and it's game over?

It's up to you...

SHE GROANS

I'll go and get the wine.

Good! I'll put on the ABBA.

NANCY GRUMBLES

SHE CHUCKLES

That's lovely. You must be really proud.

Yeah. I always said he'd do well.

And now he's in magazines.

-Can I have a look at it?

-Yeah, yeah...

Have you got a minute?

-Give it here.

-What for?

I just... I wanted to apologise

if it feels like I haven't been around for you lately.

What are you talking about?

Why didn't you tell me about the article?

-Oh, come on. It's just an article.

-But it's important to you.

Like I said before, you've got a lot on your plate with Ian.

What are you so worried about?

Well, you know. It's just, you know, when I saw the medical journal

I thought something might be wrong...

But there isn't, is there? I'm fine.

And you'd tell me, though, if there was?

Of course, my baby.

It's just, I don't want you to feel that

I take our friendship for granted.

Libby and Chelsea are getting on with their lives

and Kim's off with her new man.

You...

You're the only true friend I've got, the only one who listens.

Is there still trouble with Ian?

He hasn't got time for my problems. I mean, why would he?

Because he should.

Do you want me to have a word with him?

No. No, honestly. This. This is enough. All right.

Hey. I'll take that.

-Very impressive.

-Thanks.

Stan...

How's it coming along?

Yeah. Getting there.

Dad...

Yes, son?

Could I run something by you?

Course you can.

Tonight, would it be weird if I asked...

Hold on a minute. What's the matter? Is everything all right?

Have we got any of that Pinot Grigio that Mum likes?

Yes. Cop for that.

You do realise she's put on ABBA, don't you?

-Yeah, all right.

-PHONE BEEPS

Ah! He's here.

He?

Get yourself upstairs and keep your trap shut. All right.

MUSIC: "Dancing Queen" by ABBA

# You can dance

# You can jive

# Having the time of your life... #

MUSIC FADES

SHE LAUGHS ECSTATICALLY

Wine! What?

I know what my present is!

How?!

SHE SHRIEKS EXCITEDLY

You don't know how happy I am to see that boat.

-Right, just stop there.

-What are we down here for?

In case your mum comes down busying herself.

-I fancy a pint.

-All right.

Listen, you'll get your pint, but I've got to get you in here first.

What for?

We're going to wrap you up, surprise for your mum.

You're having a laugh. I've been on a plane for hours and a packed tube.

Why do you want me getting in that?

Shut up. You'll be in here five minutes, tops. All right.

What's the matter with ya?

-Let me out! I want to see him!

-No.

-Why?

This is all my fault. I was supposed to be distracting you.

-Oh, well. You failed.

-Dad's going to kill me.

-Let me out!

No, Mum, please...

SHE GROANS

All right, fine.

-I've just thought of something.

-What?

They don't know that we know, which means we can have some fun...

THEY BOTH CACKLE

Ian, I was wondering if I could have a word?

Yeah, sure. What is it?

Remember, I lost a son...

So I know the pain you're going through.

I know what it does to you.

Denise doesn't begrudge being there whenever you need her -

she's a good woman like that -

always puts the need of others before her own.

-I know.

-Good.

But be careful not to take her for granted.

Listen to her once in a while.

Sometimes I found listening to other people's concerns

actually helped to ease my problems for a little while.

Yeah, man.

Well, I'll leave you to get on with it. All right.

The players are about to get played!

OK. Sit down.

Wait, wait, that's gel spray!

Nah, it's empty. I filled it up with water. Close your eyes.

Will you do me favour?

Will you text Dean and see if he'll bring his decks tonight?

What's wrong with karaoke?

Mum, you can't let what happened put you off karaoke forever.

Other people doing karaoke...

My feelings were just hurt a bit, that's all.

I'd feel more comfortable if we had a disco. Please.

Course. It's your party. I'll text Dean.

-But you can deal with Dad.

-All right. Thank you.

This isn't so bad after all, is it?

THEY LAUGH

MICK SHOUTS

Act sick!

Right. Your present's here.

SHE GROANS

What's the matter?

She's got a temperature, Pop. She's burning up.

It was that foot rub Nancy gave me, I think

it released a lot of toxicity.

What're you talking about, toxicity?

I don't know, Mick. I'm not a doctor.

Come and open your present. Come on, it'll make you feel better.

Is it a magic present?

She needs some rest, Pop. She's really not well.

-Do you want me to get you a nice cold flannel?

-Yeah.

SHE COUGHS WEAKLY

Wow. Who is this gorgeous, fashionable man?

You didn't have to buy it.

A new jacket every now and then won't do any harm.

Just know that you won't be going anywhere near my hair.

Oh, really? We'll see about that, won't we?

So, listen, is this cos of what Alfie said earlier?

Don't be silly.

SHE LAUGHS

Good. Because I wouldn't want to change you.

I like you just the way you are.

Admittedly a little bit more in that jacket.

Come on. Let's go clubbing.

Wow. Where did you train?

HE GASPS

-LEE:

-Hello?

What?

Nothing. You'd gone quiet. I thought you'd gone.

No, I'm still here. I'm just thinking.

About what?

I've met someone.

A boy?

Yeah. And he wants to see me tonight.

Right?

And I dunno what to tell him.

Invite him.

You know, I want to, but I think it'd be a bit weird.

It can't be any weirder than this conversation.

I dunno. I don't want to upset Mum. It's her party.

I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

Johnny, listen, mate, right. I've been away, seen a few things.

It gives you a bit of perspective on life, and us lot...

we've been wrapped up in cotton wool.

It's not Mum and Dad's fault - they do it out of love.

But sometimes you've got to think for yourself,

do what makes you happy and not worry about what other people think.

Do you like him?

Yeah.

Does he make you happy?

He makes me laugh.

Is he fit?

Just a bit.

LEE LAUGHS

Right. Then I for one want to meet him. So do it.

-Do you think so?

-Yes, you muppet.

-All right. I'm going to do it.

-Good man.

Now do me a favour and go and find out what's going on

-cos I'm busting for the loo.

-Thanks, man.

LEE WHISTLES

You still all right about me leaving early for Linda's party?

Yeah, of course I am. I'll see you later.

-HE LAUGHS You behave.

-Always!

No! I'm half cut already!

Only half? Then you've got a lot of catching up to do, haven't you?

Hiya. Can I get change for that please?

Yeah. Those two are really getting on my nerves.

And getting drunk by the looks of it.

-You're joking?

-No.

So you think this is funny, eh?!

THEY GIGGLE

You're behaving like a wrinkly old pair of children.

Patrick, let me see that?

Patrick's right. You've had your fun, now clear off.

If I catch you bringing booze in here again,

-I'm going to ban both of you from coming in this place.

-Oh, dear.

STAN AND CORA LAUGH

I can get Denise to order you a new one.

No, no. All right. Forget it.

Did you fix it?

No, not yet.

-What was it?

-I don't know.

-Right. Well, we'd better phone someone, then? Maybe Phil?

-No!

Right, what are you not telling me?

All right, look. You've got to keep this to yourself. OK?

I've been running our electricity off of Aleks' flat.

-Eh? How's that even possible?

-It's quite straightforward actually.

Are you off your head or something, Pops? Why?

Because I'm skint, Lo!

I'm completely skint.

I love having Janet here, but she's burning a hole in my pocket.

This single parenting lark - it isn't easy, you know.

SHE SCOFFS You're telling me?

Sorry.

Right, well, you can't keep this up.

What if they find out?

-I don't see what choice we've got.

-What are we going to do, then?

I need to get up to that fuse board.

Now, I know Tosh is out, but I don't know about Tina and Aleks.

I've seen Tina going into the cafe

and I'm pretty sure I've seen Aleks going off somewhere with Roxy.

Good. Right...

You ain't breaking in.

I don't have to.

Where did you get them?

Aleks' flat is one of Janine's old properties.

I just managed to hold on to 'em.

Don't worry. I'll be as quick as I can.

NANCY AND LINDA GIGGLING

-They know.

-How do you know?

-Hark at 'em giggling.

Yeah...but hang on.

-They don't know that we know that they know.

-No.

We can't leave Lee in a cardboard box all afternoon, though.

GIGGLING STOPS

Having fun in here, girls, are we?

Apart from my fever, you mean?

Yeah. Was thinking, perhaps I should take your little temperature.

-I've already done it.

-Always good to get a second opinion.

Yes, it's always very good to get a second opinion.

How can you question me in my hour of need?

-Cos you're not ill, are you?

-I am ill, I'm really ill!

-And you know!

-Know what?

-How did you find out?

Find out what? I don't know what you're on about!

You know what I'm talking about.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Stop it!

-Sorry, I really needed to go.

-Lee!

-Lee!

-My baby!

Happy birthday, baby. I'm sorry it's late.

-I don't care. It's perfect.

-Not so hard!

Good cos I lost the receipt years ago.

Right, I really need to go wee!

SHE LAUGHS HAPPILY

They drew a moustache on it?! What are they, school-children?

-How's Patrick?

-He seemed pretty angry.

I would be! I'm going to go and see him.

Will you do me a favour, Shabnam?

Can you just order us another magazine, please?

-Yeah, of course.

-Thank you.

SHE GASPS

Billy! What the hell are you doing here?!

I'm back for a month

and then I'm off to Chatham in August to do this plumbing course.

Right. So you're going to be around quite a bit more, yeah?

Yeah, course he is.

Well, I can handle Chatham. It's lot closer than Afghanistan.

Oh, I'm so happy that you're back. Tonight's going to be perfect!

Yeah. And while we're all here and in such a good mood...

I thought I'd ask... I was, maybe, thinking...

Shirl...

Denise?!

What?

-You might want to sit down.

-Why?

-Cos I'm going to apologise.

-Oh, right.

Someone hasn't been to see you this afternoon by any chance?

I needed to hear it. OK.

I'm going to be a better listener from now on, I promise you.

I've got to, haven't I?

We've got a wedding to plan.

I thought we could go over some dates over dinner?

I'd like that.

HE GASPS, GLASS SHATTERS

HE BREATHES UNSTEADILY