08/07/2014 EastEnders

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

HE GASPS

DOORBELL RINGS

DOORBELL RINGS

SHE SIGHS

-Where is he?

-Look, he's going to be around somewhere, isn't he? Come on.

Let's go get some dinner and you can check on him later.

This is George. My best mate Heather's little boy.

-Come down to see Dot, haven't we?

-Yeah.

Well, aren't you a handsome little man?

-Shirl, we've been worried sick about you.

-We're just glad you're back.

-Just in time for Mum's party.

-Right, let's get you over to Dot's, eh?

-And I'll show you the pub on the way out.

-Yes, please!

Oi. No lager, all right?

-He's under age.

-THEY LAUGH

-We'd better get ourselves in gear, ain't we?

-Before we... Erm...

-I'm going to go meet someone at the tube.

-Who?

-A boy.

-What boy?!

-You ain't going nowhere. It's your mother's birthday party.

-I know.

-Actually, I um... I invited him here.

-Here!?

Who is he?

Gianluca. I met him at that pre-pride party you took me to.

-You might have given us a bit of notice, Johnny!

-I know.

-I know, but there was so much going on.

-I said invite him.

Johnny likes him. Look, if I brought a girl back

that I liked, you'd want to meet her, wouldn't you?

-Whereas if it was ME...

-Oh, don't you start, Miss Track-suit-wedding!

-So, Gianluca? Where's he from?

-Italy.

-NANCY LAUGHS

-He's Rome-o-sexual.

-Really?!

-I know a bit of Italian, actually.

You do realise reading the menu out at a pizzeria ain't

-knowing Italian, don't you?!

-Shut up!

What you waiting for? Go and get him!

-OK.

-Mick...

No dialogue out of you. Go and get yourself ready,

go on, it's your birthday party. Get out of it.

I can't BELIEVE you've been nicking our leccy.

-Borrowing.

-Oh, borrowing?!

-You was going to give it back, was you?

-Course!

I promise, I'll pay you back every penny.

-SHE SIGHS

-I thought we were mates, Billy.

We are!

I didn't expect this to go on for so long.

And it's expensive having kids!

-Yeah, and it's expensive when you're TRYING to have kids!

-Yeah, I know.

Look, can we just keep this between me and you?

Cos I don't think Tosh and Aleks'd get it.

Me and you, we can sit down, go through the bills,

work out what I owe you. Just give me two weeks.

-One week. All right?

-OK.

-Everything all right?

-Yeah.

The leccy cut out and Billy came and had a look.

But it was just a fuse.

Yeah. Just a fuse. So, I'll be off then.

-What?

-Oh, please.

Are you going to tell me what that was REALLY about?

-KNOCK ON THE DOOR

-So, George, what do you think?

-This is cool!

-Yeah, well trust me,

I don't want you spending too much time in these places

when you grow up! You've got to get good at your sports, ain't you?

Yeah.

-Where do you want these?

-Oh. Just over there, please.

-You shouldn't have.

-You coming to The Vic?

-I don't know.

Hoping you was going to be my wing-man?

-Don't think I'd be very good company, Phil.

-Why? What is it?

You couldn't sub me 50 quid, could you? For my electricity meter?

-I thought you was looking for another job?

-I am, I have been.

All right. But it's a loan and I want it back.

-Yeah? Do you need it now?

-Yeah.

See, if it was just me I'd be all right, but I've got Lola

-and the kids...

-All right.

-Come on, let's sort it out, and I'll buy you a pint. Yeah.

-Yeah. Cheers.

-When did she get back?

-This afternoon.

Where's she been?

-She didn't say.

-And the kid, who's that?

I think, it's like, her best mate's son or something.

She's taken him to see Dot. I think it's nice.

What's this for?

-Disco, Mick. Linda asked me.

-She didn't run it by me.

-We're having a karaoke.

-She doesn't want to.

She's still funny about what Johnny done.

Oh, my life, I wish she'd let that go.

Oh, here she is, the birthday girl!

You're just stunning, do you know that - come here!

-You'll mess up my hair!

-Sorry.

-Oh, thanks for doing this, Dean.

Consider it another birthday present. You look lovely by the way.

Thank you. Oh, Dean, you won't recognise Lee,

you ain't seen each other since you were kids.

-All right, mate! How's it going?

-All right.

-Know what, L, good call about the decks.

-I thought so.

We're going to need a bit of music either side of the karaoke.

-Lee, come and help me get the gear out the back, please?

-Great!

-Whoa!

-Ooh!

-SHE LAUGHS

All right, mate? You look good. Like your shirt.

Did you get here all right? Tubes can be a nightmare!

Whoa...

Sorry. I was just trying to break the ice. You seemed nervous.

-Don't worry. I don't think anyone saw.

-Yeah...

I just don't really kiss people on the street that often.

-I kissed you on the street at Pride?

-Yeah, but we were surrounded by them

muscled Latino blokes in pink hot pants...

And that drag queen dressed as Kylie.

-HE LAUGHS

-It was a fun night.

-Yeah, it was.

That way...

-It's good to see you again.

-Yeah, you too.

I'm looking forward to my authentic London pub tour.

-We could go somewhere else?

-Isn't it your mum's birthday party?

Yeah, it ain't a big deal. She has them all the time. Every year.

Johnny, I know you're nervous,

but this is my last night in London,

for now, at least. My coach leaves Victoria at 1:00am.

I think we should just enjoy ourselves tonight, while we can.

-What do you say?

-I say...

I say, you're right. Yeah. Let's go.

It's a cool shirt, though.

-Thank you!

-Happy birthday! Love you, Linda.

-Love you.

-Thank you.

-Here she is. The birthday girl.

You promised! Come on.

-Thanks for coming.

-Erm, yeah... Sorry, Lind.

-I did get you a card, but I've left it at home.

-Oh, don't worry.

-You can pop it in tomorrow.

-Yeah.

-Sharon sends her love.

-Ah. These are lovely Phil, thanks. How is she?

-She's resting up.

Oh, here we are, L. L.

Excuse us.

-Just remember - be nice.

-I'm not the dragon lady, Mick!

I ain't going to breathe fire on them.

All right. Everyone, this is Gianluca.

-Gianluca, this is everyone.

-Hey.

-This is my Auntie Tina and her girlfriend Tosh.

-Hello!

-My dad.

-Pleasure.

-This is Nancy.

-Hello. You all right?

-This is my brother, Lee.

-Buongiorno, mate, buongiorno.

-And this is my mum.

-Hello, John-Luco.

Please, just call me Luca. I've heard so much about you.

That's nice.

-Luca, what do you want to drink?

-A beer?

-Coming right up.

There he is! Patrick! Where did you disappear to?

We stopped by earlier, but there was no answer.

Oh, I took a nap. I must have been out for the count.

Well, I got Shabnam to order you another magazine.

You didn't have to do that.

And we've got some other news that might cheer you up.

Yes, yes, we've set a date for the wedding.

We're thinking about a Saturday next June.

-Are you OK?

-I'm absolutely fine.

Why don't we go in and I'll buy both of you a drink to celebrate?

-I like that! Thank you.

-Cheers.

I love Italy. Italian food, and that. I make my own pesto.

-Don't I?

-Yeah.

-Wow. Have you been?

No. But one day I'd like to.

-Johnny, you didn't tell me your brother's back.

-Yeah.

He got back today.

Listen, I'm going to give Luca a tour, if you want to come?

No, you're all right. I'm going to get another drink.

Where are they going?

Let it go. You've done very well up to now.

-And I'm very, very proud of you.

-Ah! There she is!

-Not looking a day over 21.

-I wish!

-So do I!

THEY LAUGH

I'm joking! My baby's always 21, in my eyes.

-I'm just going to slip upstairs, OK.

-Happy birthday!

Oh, you shouldn't have. I love Gurbras.

-Gerberas, dear!

-SHE LAUGHS

Lee, put those in water for me?

So what, has Johnny gone to swot up on his foreign languages with Luca?

-SHE LAUGHS

-Yeah.

So, that completes your backstage tour of the authentic London pub.

-I like it. Very British.

-Mmm.

Was the parakeet wallpaper all you hoped it'd be? And more!

Yeah, so...

-Last night in London.

-For now.

So, pretty cool city, you sure you want to hang out here?

Pretty sure.

Unless you can think of anything better?

Erm...

No.

You said the tour was complete, but I think there's still one room

I haven't seen, no?

How long before your parents get suspicious about where we are?

I think that happened the moment that we walked up the stairs. Yeah.

So, you could say we're on borrowed time?

I ain't...

HE SIGHS

I've never really been with anyone before. Properly.

Johnny, I like you, for many reasons.

And if tonight is just this, then I'm the happiest boy in London town.

What do you say we go downstairs and have another drink?

Erm... Later. Later.

-Are you sure you haven't done this before?

-Shut up.

-We're on borrowed time.

-THEY LAUGH

-What do you think of him, out of ten?

-Ten! He's WELL cute.

-Definitely a ten.

-Really?

-Yeah!

-I don't know.

-Speaking of tens.

-Hello, stranger.

-You talking to me?

Yeah. Want a drink? HE LAUGHS

-SHE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY

-No. I don't, you're all right.

You see, a ten doesn't really like to mingle with a five.

Oooph! Hohohoh! TOLD!

-You got TOLD!

-Sportsman's bet, I can convince her to let me

-buy her a drink by the end of the night.

-Deal.

Ah!

I asked him to do one thing!

Cheer up! It's a birthday, not a funeral!

-He's got a face for undertaking, that one.

-You ain't wrong there.

-What're you smiling for? It ain't a good thing.

-Isn't it?

-What you looking for?

-Candles. For the cake.

How many years old is Auntie Linda?

She's 37.

-How many years old are you, Auntie Shirley?

-100.

-Like a T-rex?!

-Yeah, you could say that!

-THEY LAUGH

I didn't know you were back!

Oh, we snuck in the back way. I didn't want him to get too excited.

I think it's nice what you're doing, looking after him.

Hmm! I wish they could stay this age for ever.

Where's that coming from?

I don't know. Johnny's got his boyfriend, Lee's chasing Whitney.

Nancy's a law unto herself. They're all growing up so fast.

Ignore me. I'm just being over-sensitive.

I'll shut up and get back down there.

Go on.

-To the bride and groom to be and the future!

-Aw, thank you.

-You're asking me for a job?

-Why not?

You said I had the face for it.

-I don't know. You haven't got any experience.

-I'm a quick learner.

I can do part-time, full-time... any time you want.

-Go on, Les, look, he's desperate.

-The pay isn't great.

-Give the man a go.

-All right. I'll give you a trial.

-And we'll take it from there.

-Really?

Wow. Right, I'm going to get you both a drink. Right now.

Don't suppose you could sub me a tenner, could you?

-I'll pay you back.

-Well, that's a good start(!)

Johnny, erm, a word.

I'll be down in a minute.

-Erm... Look, Dad, I just...

-Johnny, Johnny.

You're 19. So... I know you weren't playing Lego in there.

All I want to say to you is that...

Be careful, be safe.

Because sometimes when you're in the moment,

it seems like a good idea...

And in the words of Celine Dion, Think Twice.

-THEY LAUGH

-OK.

It's supposed to be funny, you know,

cos that way you won't forget it.

I wasn't expecting to have this conversation with you.

-Am I doing all right? I don't know what I'm...

-No,

apart from the Celine Dion bit, I didn't cringe once.

Oh! Oh, good! Good. Right. Now, your mum,

is being your mum and she needs a bit of love,

so I'm going to need you to do something for me. OK?

-No Johnny?

-He's upstairs with his dad.

He gave me a tour, you have a LOVELY house.

-My favourite thing by far was the parakeet wallpaper.

-Thank you.

Chose it myself.

Please, can I get you a drink?

Go on, then.

Lee, go and grab your sister, we're ready. Lively.

HE TAPS THE MIC

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Excuse me, firstly,

thank you all for coming tonight.

Before we kick off the karaoke, I think it's a good idea

to have a group vocal warm up.

You all know the song, it goes...

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday, dear Linda

# Happy birthday to you. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Speech!

-All right!

Aw! I've been drinking all day, so I'll keep it brief.

SHE LAUGHS

Thank you, my amazing family, for throwing me this party.

My handsome husband, my beautiful kids,

it means so much to have you all here! HER VOICE CRACKS

And Dean,

thank you for being kind enough to do the disco. Thank you.

Erm... Anyway,

I hope you all have a good night and feel free to give us a song.

MUSIC: "Mama" by the Spice Girls

Mum, this one's for you on your birthday.

SHE LAUGHS

# She used to be my only enemy Never letting me be free

# Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be

# Every other day I crossed the line I didn't mean to be so bad

# I never thought you'd become the friend I never had

# Back then, I didn't know why Why you were misunderstood

# So now I see through your eyes All that you did was love

# Mama, I love you

-# Mama... #

-Look at them.

They think the world of her. They make it look so easy.

-You know it doesn't have to be this hard.

-No? Why is it then?

LINDA: I love YOU!

-# My friend... #

-SHE LAUGHS

I don't know why you showed up with that kid.

LINDA: You're all amazing!

His name's George and I'm looking after him for the weekend.

You might have everyone else thinking that, but not me.

There's always an ulterior motive with you.

# Every little thing you said and did was right for me... #

Turning up with someone else's kid and looking after

them for the weekend doesn't suddenly mean

you're cut out to be a parent.

-So this is what this is about, is it?

-That's what it looks like.

Well, then maybe this says something about you.

Or maybe it's just what you've done to me.

# Why you were misunderstood... #

I don't want to fight with you, Dean.

You and me, we WERE like that.

-Like you and that little boy?

-Yeah!

-Really?

# Mama, I love you... #

That's not how I remember it.

# Mama, I care

# Mama, I love you

# Mama, my friend. #

CARTOONS PLAY ON TV

I feel sorry for anyone who's got to follow that.

A beautiful thing. Let's have a look, see who's up next.

-What about you, Mick? Come on, give us a song!

-Leave it out, Teen.

-You know I don't sing unless I'm out of me nut.

-I'll do it!

-CHEERING

-Yeah, man!

Patrick, get yourself up here.

This is a beautiful thing, this is.

-LINDA:

-Go on, Patrick!

-GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS ALL:

-Awwwww.

# When you're down, and troubled

# And you need a helping hand

# And nothing

-# Nothing is going right... #

-Teen, can I have a word?

-She knows.

-Yeah, she does.

-Right. Look,

I think I've got myself a job at the undertakers.

So I'll be able to pay you back soon as.

You'll be in the undertakers anyway, if you don't.

-But you won't be breathing.

-I'll sort it, I promise!

-We want our key back, and all!

-I haven't got it on me, have I?!

-Is there a problem?

-It's fine.

-Yeah, everything's all right.

-What's all that about?

-Billy Mitchell.

He's been running the leccy off our meter.

And who knows how many times he's been going in our flat!

-Tosh.

-I wish we'd never moved into that place,

-it's been a nightmare from day one.

-Why?

They think it might've been where Lucy Beale was murdered.

PATRICK CONTINUES TO SING

Wondered where you'd gone?

-You all right?

-Yeah...

I just don't remember my mum being with me

the way she is with that kid.

You don't remember... or you don't WANT to remember?

Tell you what, you've just added singing

to your list of wedding duties.

Before I do anything at all, I need to get home and put my feet up.

All right? See you.

-Would you excuse us for a minute?

-Of course.

That was lovely what you did for me.

Speaking of lovely, Luca's nice.

And very good looking. Do you think you'll see him again?

-He goes home tonight.

-Are you all right with that?

Yeah. We've had a laugh.

If it's going to go anywhere, we'll make the effort and if not,

that's all right too.

I know I'm hard on you, but you've always been my little baby.

-I'm not any more.

-I know.

Go on.

Enjoy your time with Luca while you've still got it.

DOORBELL RINGS

You couldn't put us up for the night, could you?

There's a lot of stuff going on in the pub,

I can't get your godson off to sleep.

-Of course.

-Thanks. Come on.

-Night-night. Night.

-Tell you what, it's a very good job

we didn't put any money on that bet, ain't it, Lee?

She obviously wasn't thirsty enough.

I don't even know where to start with this lot.

-Don't be silly, we've got this.

-Yeah, get yourself upstairs.

Thank you. All of you.

I've had the best birthday ever. Come here.

Come here.

-Let's get stuck in!

-THEY LAUGH

Luca. Luca, come here. It was lovely to meet you.

-Any time you're in London, you're always welcome here.

-Grazie.

Oooh! THEY LAUGH

-Night-night.

-Happy birthday!

Happy birthday.

Did he settle down all right?

He's exhausted, bless him.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

And what about you? How are you doing?

Some things are hard to repeat, Patrick.

Like when your son tells you that he can't remember

any of the good things from when he was growing up.

-Come on, I'm sure he didn't mean that.

-I remember everything.

I remember taking him to the fair...

All he wanted to do was go on this little tea cup ride that went round

about a mile an hour, but he'd cling onto me like it was doing 60...

He was so sweet, Patrick.

I didn't recognise that man that said those things to me tonight.

Did I do that to him? Am I that much of a monster?

So...

if the kids are downstairs, I reckon that means we've got

the place to ourselves for a good half hour.

-Stan's asleep in the front room.

-Don't worry about that old fart.

If he can sleep through setting fire to a living room, he'll sleep

-through an earthquake.

-An earthquake?

That sounds like a promise.

So, did you enjoy your night?

I loved it.

And is there anything else I can do for you?

There is, actually.

I want another baby, Mick.

I want us to have another baby.