09/11/2015 EastEnders

-Thank you.

-See you later, bye.

If you're looking for Roxy,

she's gone to Dalston to try out some new products.

She's really throwing herself into this new business idea, isn't she?

Yeah, I don't know what I'd do without her.

Actually, it's you I came to see.

I wondered if you can fit me in for a quick blow-dry?

Well, Paul should be free in, like, ten minutes.

No, no, I'd prefer the boss, you know, after I saw what you did with Roxy's new look.

-After you.

-Thank you.

-Linda get off OK?

-Yep.

Rattler was delayed, as usual, but her and Jane are on their merry way.

I don't get why she has to go all the way to Birmingham for a wedding fair.

What, says the girl who nearly got married in a tracksuit?

You are getting so boring.

So as L's plotting overnight,

I thought I might go see some of the boys over in Watford later.

I'm sorry, "the boys"?

Yes, the boys. I've still got mates over there.

Oh. So, who's going to run the bar?

Well, that's what I've got you three lovely little treacles for, ain't I?

Don't mind, do you?

Nah, of course not. Happy to steer the ship for a while.

Second nature to me.

Might've known you'd jump at the chance to

slip into the landlady's shoes.

-Go and stick your head in a trifle.

-Oh, dear.

-Pop...

Yeah, I know. So, listen, you listen to this bird

cos she does know how to run a boozer.

Truer words were never spoken.

Actually, I've got some really good ideas

how to get the mid-week trade rolling.

Nice.

That's brilliant, that.

She's going to be barking orders at us all day.

Give her an inch and she'll take a mile, mark my words.

Turn it in, the pair of you.

She knows what she's doing, all right?

Right, my little beautiful son.

You ready to meet your Nanny Shirley today? E?

"..Shabs is loving the villa and we've never been happier."

Oh, bless. "All our love, Kushy.

"Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss."

Five kisses?

He knows I'd only worry with anything less.

Crisis. Kamil's just spilt juice all over the carpet.

I remember when you used to do that with milk.

He was a very clumsy child, this one.

Must be genetic.

Shouldn't you be at work?

No, I took a day's leave. I'm taking Kamil to see Nancy and Ollie.

Isn't that sweet?

I might as well make the most of my time with him

before Mum wants him back in Pakistan.

When's Kamil due to go home?

Well, I haven't booked the flight yet. And, to be honest,

I really can't face thrashing it out with Zainab after everything she said about me.

Now, don't let her get under your skin.

Well...hard not to.

She cuts through self-esteem like a razor blade.

You listen to me.

You are a wonderful man and a magnificent father,

and don't ever let your ex tell you any different.

OK.

I'd best get back to Kushy's stall.

I've got big plans, just you wait and see.

-Have fun.

-Yeah.

Yeah, that's good, thanks.

Next time you'll have to let me at you with the scissors.

What's the occasion?

Just a business meeting, that's all. You know how it goes.

Very busy in here.

Everyone wants to be beautiful.

There must be a really healthy profit margin in your industry, is there?

-PHONE RINGS

-Why do I feel like I've walked into Dragons' Den?

Just showing an interest.

It's nice to know that you and Roxy are doing well, that's all.

Uh, Dean, the...

Oh, one sec. Yeah, yeah. Finish her off.

Cheers. It's all go in here today, isn't it?

Oh, you wouldn't believe. That guy's been on the phone all morning.

Oh, yeah, tricky customer?

Uh, estate agent.

Me and the girls think Dean's got his eye on a new salon.

Really?

You know what they say - location, location, location.

Thank you.

Something important?

Just a bit of business, you know how it is.

That's 35 today.

Oh, I... I actually left my purse at home.

Good job I know where you live.

I'll tell you what, Roxy's coming over to mine for lunch later.

-If you join us, I can give it to you then.

-Really? She never said.

We arranged it earlier, that's all. See you about one o'clock?

-Fine.

-Thanks

Hi, Rox, it's me. Listen, what are you doing for lunch?

Oh, I've just got a proposition for you.

You're not back on the scratchcards again, Billy?

Worked for Alfie, didn't it?

Lightning doesn't strike twice, Billy.

Besides, didn't you waste enough money on them last time?

Right now, I'm prepared to give anything a shot.

Funerals and chips not paying the bills?

No... No. Honey's over from Canada staying with her

Auntie Caroline in Kent.

I have to take Janet down for Will's birthday.

Oh, that'd be nice.

Yeah, but now I've got to get them a decent present and our train fare on top of it.

Well, gambling isn't the answer, Billy.

You're right about that. Haven't got any odd jobs going round here, have you?

You'd be lucky.

I'm only on a zero-hours contract as it is.

Ron, you couldn't spare us a couple of quid, could you? Till payday.

Can't Les give you an advance?

I've tried that, haven't I?

Besides, I've got all that unpaid leave to make up for.

-You should have thought about that before you jetted off to Canada.

-It was Phil's idea!

I wouldn't ask, but it's Honey and the kids.

-I'm sorry, Billy, I can't. I need every penny for myself at the moment.

-What for?

You ever heard of a hostile takeover?

What's that? New TV?

Um, excuse me? Excuse me, sorry.

What you got in there?

Straight through, fellas. Don't worry about her.

-If you've come to talk about Pearl...

-Bad time?

No, I want to sort something out, obviously. It's just the place is still full of boxes, you know?

What you got going on in there? A whole cinema?

If you wanted the grand tour, all you need to do is ask.

Like I care about your man cave. Come on, Pearl.

Let's leave Daddy and his toys.

We ain't interested.

Two for Tuesdays!

That's two for the price of one on all drinks tomorrow.

Why not just say, "Buy one, get one free"?

BOG OFF, Elaine. Is that what you mean, Kim?

You can never turn down a free drink, can you, Shirley?

Shame you're not welcome.

What you up to out here?

Just getting rid of the rubbish.

Here you are. Get that while you're down there.

I would, but we don't all drop to our knees for a cigarette.

Can we not have the handbags, please, ladies?

Come on, Mick. There's a bad smell round here.

What's this in aid of?

Nothing special.

Dot said she'd have Matthew for the day, so I thought it'd be nice if we could get together.

Come on. You didn't go to all this trouble just for a chat.

OK, you've got me. I had an idea.

And we know how dangerous that can be.

Ooh, rose. Yes.

Better not, babe. You've got clients this afternoon. You know what you get like.

I overheard you speaking on the phone this morning.

Fine. No secrets round here, are there?

I know you're thinking of expanding the business and I don't blame you.

I think it's a really good business opportunity.

You want to buy into Blades?

Yeah. I think the three of us make a really good team, don't you?

-I think you've got the wrong end of the stick, Ronnie.

-Oh?

Yeah. That call wasn't about the business - it was about a house.

-Dean.

-What? She's going to find out sooner or later.

We've been talking about the possibility of moving out of London.

Since when?

It was just talk, really. Wasn't it, Dean?

Yes, but with the market the way it is, I thought I'd have a look

at some properties and see what we can afford.

-Look where?

-How do you feel about Essex?

He must've spent a fortune.

Boxes kept coming out of the van like it was a clown car.

Well, a big, flash pad, a big telly...

Won't replace you and Pearl, you know?

Yeah, but he doesn't have to be so blatant about it.

It's like, "Oh, look what you could've had."

You know, I thought you had more about you than to

have your head turned by, you know, a few mod cons.

-Well, a bit more.

-I won't be the poor relation, Dee.

Two can play his games. I'll see you later.

See you.

Oi!

Watch where you're going with that deathtrap.

Excuse me?

Gather round, ladies. Catwalk fashion at dog-cheap prices.

Strike a pose in eye-catching '80s chic.

-You've certainly got the patter down.

-I should hope so.

I used to do this all the time in Romford.

-Where did you get all this from?

-My old wardrobe.

There's all sorts of classics crying out for a good home.

Does Kush know you're selling your old cast-offs on his stall?

They're vintage. Some of these are designer, I'll have you know.

Second-hand clothes belong in a charity shop, if you ask me.

Yeah, no-one did.

Stay away from me, all of you. Stay away from me.

-What's the matter with her?

-How long have you got?

I feel bad now.

Maybe she's right. Maybe they ought to go to charity.

That would be a nice gesture.

No, this is quality gear. You'd make a killing down Shoreditch.

And Kushy wouldn't want me giving his profits away, would he?

Especially now he's got responsibilities to his wife.

How are they getting on? Have you heard from them?

Carmel showed me this e-mail that they sent this morning.

Yeah, here we go. Listen to this. "Arrived safe, Turkey's gorge.

"Red hot all day, every day so far. Sweating morning, noon and night."

Bet the weather ain't bad, either!

Carmel!

All right for some, innit?

Oh, I've missed this.

Kushy's going to be proud of his old mum.

He certainly will.

Have you sorted things out about Kamil yet?

I'm getting around to it.

Take it from me, when it comes to exes, never put off until tomorrow.

You'd better make it quick.

I don't want Dean or Buster catching you here.

Sorry about Elaine. I left her in charge for a day and the power's gone to her nut.

What did you do that for?

L. She's not back until tomorrow,

so I thought we could make the most of it.

-You, me and Ollie.

-Are you for real?

Yeah, I thought we could take him out for the day,

just the three of us.

I'd love that.

Well, it's about time he got to know his other nan, isn't it, eh?

I'd better do the slips.

When were you planning on telling me?

I... Look, it was all talk.

All right? I had no idea he was actually seriously looking, did I?

And what about Amy? Do you think it's a good idea just to uproot her?

I haven't even thought about any of that stuff yet.

That's my point, exactly, Rox.

Look, we can't all stay squashed up in Shirley's, can we?

Amy needs her own bedroom, they're going to need space for Jade.

So Essex?

It's not Mars.

You do realise I'm not going to be there to pick up the pieces

when it goes wrong? And it will go wrong.

Sorry, Ronnie, can I steal your sister away?

I've got a client at half past.

Yeah, and we've got the rest of our lives to plan.

Excuse me, Ronnie.

Thanks for lunch. Even I had a good time.

And don't worry about the £35 - you can keep it.

Shabs and Kush make such a cute couple, don't they?

I know. Didn't she look beautiful?

-Am I the only one doing any work here today?

-Elaine, I literally just sat down.

Tam's just brought Kamil over.

Well, too bad we ain't running a creche.

Sorry, if it's a bad time.

What on earth were you wearing?

It's a salwar...

-Salwar kameez.

-Salwar kameez.

So long as you don't get any funny ideas in your head.

Look, you're obviously busy, so I think we should get going.

No, no, darling, it's all right. I was only teasing.

It's just this one has a history of having weird weddings. Watch out.

Yeah...definitely going.

-No, Tam, you don't have to go, man...

-It's fine, I'll see you later.

-Ta-ra.

I can't believe what you've just said to him.

What? What've I said?

"Weird weddings." What's weird about having a Muslim wedding?

Nothing. I love a sari, it's beautiful,

just not on a wedding day.

Sorry, what?!

Right, I'm going to go and mind the bar.

Have you actually heard yourself?

Look, marriage is difficult enough as it is.

Those people, they have a lot of different customs.

Oh, "those people"?!

Don't get all PC with me. I'm just saying it like it is.

No, you have no idea about Islam. You have no idea what you're talking about.

I never said anything about Islam. Who do you think you're talking to?

I think I'm talking to the kind of person who believes everything they read in a newspaper.

-Oi. Keep it down, please?

-She was just really rude to Tam.

No. She was just really rude to me!

Please, please, all right? Can you just kiss and make up?

Nah, no way, not until she apologises to him.

I'm the one who's owed an apology.

-What, from me?

-Please, Nance, please.

-No, no. I'm sorry, you're mad.

Oh, Mick, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get Ollie all worked up.

-MOBILE RINGS

-That's my blower. Can you...?

Yeah, yeah. Sorry, darling.

Hello, sweetie. I'm sorry Nana...

Is that Linda?

No, it's just one of the boys I'm meeting up with later.

Look, I can't really talk now.

Just let me call you back, all right?

Now THIS I like.

That was inspired by an old Versace collection,

before he got shot. That takes me back.

Here, Denise, have a load of this.

Really? Have you got nothing better to be spending your time on?

It's called retail therapy.

Come on, Denise.

I know there's a style icon hiding behind that tabard.

Here, I reckon... I reckon this one'd fit you.

Well, it is... Yeah, it's a cut above your usual market tat,

-I'll give you that.

-I'm right here, you know?

-So, how much do you want for it?

-I don't know, shall we say 50?

50 quid?!

Ladies.

That's no problem. I suppose I can treat my sister, can't I?

Kim, come on, don't be ridiculous.

You've got nothing to prove, you know?

It's Pearl you should be spending your money on.

We'll let you know.

No offence. Last thing I need is you in my earhole.

-You know he's planning on moving to Essex?

-Good.

No, he's taking my sister and my niece with him.

-It's only down the M25, isn't it? So...

-No.

It's far enough for him to shut me out of their lives for good.

-He's got Roxy just where he wants her.

-I get it, I do,

but we've been through all this.

I'm not going to change my mind. I'm sorry.

So, what are you saying to me? That I shouldn't even put up a fight?

That's what he wants you to do. He wants you to kick off with Roxy.

That's what he wants. He wants you to push her away.

Right, so what's the alternative?

The geezer ain't wired right. He's filth.

She's a smart girl. She will clock that eventually.

-You need to be patient.

-Do you know what?

Of all the people, I thought that you would understand,

but I think you're a coward.

Use your nut, Ron.

How can you protect your family when you've burnt all your bridges?

Mick?

-Yes, mate.

-You haven't got any work going, have you? Just for today?

Sorry, mate. I've got nothing, on my life.

-Thanks, anyway.

-I'm sorry, Bill.

Kamil has officially seized control of my laptop up there.

Er... Sit down for a minute, will you?

Why don't I like the sound of this?

So...

It seems that Kamil will be staying here a little longer, after all.

Have you spoken to Mum?

-Is she still sick?

-She's not sick. She wasn't sick.

-Oh.

The truth is...

she doesn't want anything to do with this family any more.

It wasn't just the wedding.

-She's never coming back here.

-She's just abandoning Kamil?

-No, that was my decision.

-What? And she's OK with that?

She'll have to be. She's washing her hands of this family,

that includes your brother, as well. She can't have it both ways.

So you've not actually spoken to her about this?

No, not yet, but I will.

So from 4,000 miles away, Dad, you're still intimidated by her.

That's not fair.

You know, I've just had to listen to Nancy's grandma being borderline

xenophobic and I just sat there and took it.

-Why? What did she say?

-Doesn't matter.

The point is I said nothing and walked away, and it's no wonder

-when this is the example I've been set.

-Things are about to change.

-Really? Well, why don't you call her now?

-What?

-Call her.

Well, yes...

I'm sorry I overreacted at lunchtime.

-OK, I'm not in the mood for another lecture, all right?

-I know. I know.

-I just don't want you rushing into anything.

-I'm not.

I'm thinking about my future, about Amy's future.

And I respect that.

I just don't understand why your future can't be here in Walford.

Because London house prices are a joke, OK?

And we can't stay here, stuffed up with Dean's parents, can we?

Do you know what it's like waking up to Shirley's fag breath every morning?

I'd rather not.

Look, you know, it's what people do.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, right?

Look, I know this sounds silly, OK?

But I always thought that we'd end up like two old ladies

in the Golden Girls,

and that Matthew and Amy would grow up together.

We will always be in each other's lives, all right?

No matter what happens.

As long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

I suppose Matthew and me will be all right on our own.

-I'll have to get a cat or something.

-No, I've told you a million times,

I'm not letting you turn into the crazy cat lady, OK?

-Please?

-Anyway, look, nothing's decided, OK?

I'm not going anywhere just yet.

Thanks for locking up, babe.

-Mummy! Mummy! Look at this!

-Ooh.

-What's that?

-Stopped by the estate agent's on the way home.

-I couldn't resist showing Amy.

-It has a garden.

-Yeah.

Yeah, it's a three-bed semi in Brentwood.

-It's new to the market, so I booked us a viewing for tomorrow.

-That soon?

Well, these things get snapped up fast.

What do you reckon?

SHE CHUCKLES

-Just this, please.

-Ooh, someone's in a hurry.

What is it, a hot date?

Ha! Chance would be a fine thing. No, I'm off to me yoga in a minute.

After all day in the market? I don't know how you do it.

Got to keep moving.

Tell you the truth, I haven't felt this alive since Omar and me

first started back in Essex.

Oh, yeah? So who are you doing your downward dog for these days, then?

Oh, stop it!

No, I just don't want to let myself go, that's all.

-You should come with me sometime. Give it a try.

-Ah, I see.

What?

This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain postie,

by any chance?

Why? What are people saying?

They're not saying anything. It's just, you know, after...

Well, I've seen the way you and Masood are with each other.

Don't be silly.

We're just in-laws, that's all.

-All right.

-There's nothing more to it.

-No, it's my mistake.

Look, don't get me wrong. He's a lovely bloke,

but that's as far as it goes.

Forget I said anything.

Anyway, I'd better dash. Don't want to be last one there.

-No. Carmel?

-What?

Thank you.

Yeah, of course we're still on. I'll be about ten minutes.

-Oi! Where do you think you're going?

-I'm going to meet Lee, ain't I?

This is called pulling your weight, is it?

Excuse me. I've been working all day.

-Are you just going to leave us in the lurch?

-What's the problem?

She seems to think she can swan in and out without so much as a by your leave. It's not a hotel!

Elaine, I've had a ten-minute break in the last six hours

and, I tell you what, I ain't putting up with it!

Very well played(!)

Nance, can you just cover Whitney's shift, please?

-Oh, is she going to apologise to Tamwar?

-What?

Nah, didn't think so. Sorry.

Is there any chance of getting served?

Yeah, yes.

-Can I choose my own room, please?

-Yeah, of course you can.

-Yay!

-Dean, are you sure we can afford this?

Depends if you've spoken to Ronnie about number 27 yet.

I was working my way up to it.

-Ahem.

-Why? What's up?

-Ronnie?

-Mm-hm?

How would you feel about buying my half of the house?

-I don't think I've got that kind of money.

-Well, you were all set to buy into Blades this morning.

-Yes, I was, but that was as a business investment.

-But this way, you get to own your own house

-and we get to use the cash for a deposit.

-Can we go? Can we go, please?

Can we go?!

-OK. Well, I'll see what I can do.

-She's going to see what she can do!

I'll see you all later.

I'll see what I can do!

GIGGLES

OK, Pearl, we're home.

I'll get you out of that in a minute, all right?

Oh, my gosh...!

Well, anyone would think you had a hard day at work.

It's called being a full-time mother.

Oh, I don't suppose you fancy your old nanny job?

Er...no. What, so you can go out and do shopping all day?

Like I can afford to. You were right.

I don't know who I was trying to kid.

DOORBELL CHIMES

Well, we all know the answer to that one, don't we?

Whatever they're selling, we ain't buying.

Guess who.

What do you want?

-Can you not just grin and bear it? Just for a couple of hours?

-What?

So you can just go out drinking with your mates?

-Do I not get any time to myself?

-I don't mind serving for a bit.

-If I can stomach her, you can.

-I shouldn't have to after the things she said.

Can you just put the handbrake on until tomorrow for me, please?

-I'm sorry! I can't handle her when she's like this. I'm going round Tam's.

-Just unbelievable.

I warned you. Bad apple spoils the barrel.

Is someone going to give me a hand out here or what?

Go on, go after her. I'll hold the fort.

I'll be as quick as I can.

-Nance, hold up.

-Leave it, Dad.

-Nance, please.

Are you sure you've got time for this?

You haven't got a snooker table being delivered or something?

Everything in that house is about making a home for Pearl.

But this is Pearl's home.

You know what I mean. I'm trying to be a good dad here.

I get that. Look, I'm prepared to let you see her,

but it just has to be on my terms.

Name them.

-OK. One, I pick the days.

-Fine.

Two, I call the shots. When I say it's home time, it's home time.

Agreed.

Three... I can't think of three right now.

How about tomorrow?

Tomorrow?

Sure.

Great. I'll pick her up around midday.

You!

What?

Billy.

That cash you were after,

how badly do you want it?

-Ten minutes, you said.

-I'm really sorry.

I'm having a 'mare at the Vic. I just couldn't get away.

Where's Ollie?

I'm sorry. We're going to have to do it another time.

But there won't be a next time, will there?

Cos when Linda's back, you won't be able to get him out of the pub.

-No, we'll work something out.

-No, we won't work something out, Mick,

-cos you always put other people first.

-Shirl, don't...

I am sick of sneaking around.

From now on, we either do this out in the open, or we don't do it at all.

-I hope it's not too late.

-Oh, not at all.

I just got back from yoga.

I was going to have a glass of plonk with Craig. Can I get you something?

Erm... No, I don't want to be a third wheel.

Don't be silly.

He's just doing his business

and then we'll settle down in front of the telly.

He's in the bathroom?

Craig's my cat.

-Yes, of course, he's your cat.

-He's not very well, poor thing.

I'll have to take him to the vet in the morning.

Well, I won't keep you long.

I just wanted to say thank you for that advice today.

Oh, so you cleared things up with Tamwar, then?

Actually, I called Zainab and I laid down the law,

-and I said Kamil's staying with me.

-How'd she take it?

Predictably badly.

I told her, if she wanted him back, she'd have to come here

and get him herself.

Good for you.

-Show her you're not to be messed around with.

-Listen, erm...

There's a special on at the Vic tomorrow night and I wondered

if I could get you a drink to celebrate.

Aw. Two for the price of one?

-Yeah, I'll be there.

-Yeah?

-Like the Jackson 5.

-Well, it's a date, then.

-Erm... No, I didn't mean...

-No, I know.

-I mean, we're kind of family now, ain't we?

-Yes, yes, we are.

-It wouldn't be proper.

-No, of course.

-Just good friends, eh?

-Absolutely.

-Yeah. Are you sure I can't get you anything?

No, you know what? I really need to get going, so...

I'll see you tomorrow night.

Billy.

This ain't going to take long, is it?

Only I've got Les looking after Janet.

I want you to let yourself in.

What are we doing here, Ron?

We're putting Dean Wicks out of business for good.