18/04/2016 EastEnders

Guess who?

I thought you were going to mug me, then.

What've you been buying?

Oh, just a little something to wear later.

-Oh, have you? Let's have a look, then.

-No! Not until tonight.

Maybe you can, er, send me a little preview?

Oh, well, that depends if you make it worth my while.

Do you want picking up on the way to the hotel?

No. I'm going to meet you there.

Just cos I've got to get changed and stuff.

Just think, eh?

A few hours from now and we'll be relaxing in our very own jacuzzi.

Aw, I bet you say that to all the girls, don't you?

Just the lucky few.

-Right, I'm going to go. All right? I'll see you later.

-All right.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Morning, Michael.

Mas.

I've got a package here for Nancy.

Judging by the size and weight of it,

it's a book.

Perhaps a travel guide to Italy?

Yeah. How's Tam doing?

Oh, you know, somewhere between morose and catatonic.

So, they haven't spoken yet?

Haven't heard a peep out of him all weekend.

How could she spring it on him like that?

It was a surprise to all of us, believe me.

Do you think she'll go through with it?

I don't know. Depends whether L can talk her round.

If she does go, what do you think Tam will do?

Nurse a broken heart.

I mean, it's not like he hasn't been there before.

-See you later.

-Ta, mate.

Don't tell me. You've changed your mind about selling to CostMart.

Martin, you know I can't do that.

So, what do you want?

Can we just keep it between us?

What? You worried what everyone's going to say when you put them out of a job?

It won't come to that.

Right. Well, don't worry, Ian. Your secret's safe with me.

Look, the last thing I want to do

is give Stacey anything more to worry about.

-You all right?

-All right.

-And there he is, look, my main man.

-You ready to sell like your life depended on it?

-I'm ready.

I thought my mum was helping you out?

Oh, I ain't talking about your stall.

I'm talking about my stall.

-I don't understand.

-Yeah, I ventured out on my own.

And I've got a wholesaler to go and see, if you don't mind.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Yeah. Definitely. You've got to think outside the box, haven't you, if we're going to make the rent.

-We haven't even got a licence.

-Whoa.

Look at that. Tam dropped it off this morning.

-What're you going to sell?

-Dreams, Stace, dreams.

Take it easy, yeah?

See you in a bit. Come on you.

So, where are you going to go after Rome?

Well, I was thinking I was going to work my way down the coast to Naples.

And then I just want to go inter-railing

as far into Eastern Europe as I can.

Yeah, I think I might call the doctor later.

Tell him about Ollie kicking away in the pool last week.

-Yeah, well, it's got to be a good sign, hasn't it?

-Yeah, course it has.

What're you going to do for money?

I don't know. I'll get a bar job or something.

I'll put you in touch with a few people.

Yes, thank you, Johnny. I think we've heard quite enough from you.

I've just seen Mas downstairs.

What did he say?

He said Tam's pretty cut up about it.

There's something there for you.

Is it any wonder? You two have only just got back together.

What else am I supposed to do? I've been ringing him all weekend.

That's all the more reason not to rush into all this.

-I mean, you've got a good man there.

-I know, Mum.

Why don't you just go on a little holiday?

Right? Go and see the Coliseum.

Have a little ride on a scooter. No, forget that.

Those things are deathtraps.

I don't want to go on a little holiday, Mum.

I want to properly see stuff.

Well, don't expect Tam to be waiting for you when you get back.

I've just seen Mick.

Yeah, can this wait? Cos I've got a mountain of receipts to get through.

You can't keep pretending this isn't happening, Tam.

-Talk to her.

-What's to talk about? She's made her decision already.

So you're just going to skulk around until she goes?

If that's what it takes.

There's me thinking you cared about her.

PHIL: Louise, you can't be late on your first day.

You ain't going anywhere dressed like that.

All right. Keep your hair on.

How come you're not eating?

Cos I ain't hungry.

-Yeah, but the doctor says...

-Just, just get your bag.

I'll wait for you in the Jag.

Look, why don't I take her, eh?

Good luck with that one.

You sure?

Yeah. I've got to get a new shirt for tonight anyway, so...

Hold on. What about that service?

You're a big boy, you can do it, can't you?

Unless you want to lend a hand, Dad?

I can't. I've got a hospital appointment.

-What for?

-They want to, erm,

breathalyse me before they stick me on these withdrawal pills.

TEXT ALERT RINGS

What're you grinning at?

Never mind. Nose ointment.

Right, change of plan. I'm taking you.

-Oh, you serious?

-Yeah.

Jay.

I appreciate it.

You reckon the old man's all right?

Yeah. I mean, it's his first day completely off the booze, isn't it,

-so he's bound to be feeling it.

-Yeah.

So, are you going to pick me up?

No, I can't. I'm out tonight.

-Oh, where?

-Never you mind, nosey.

Oh, bruv. That's 80 quid you owe me.

Oh, yeah. Righto.

You're seeing that skank again, aren't you?

-Don't talk about her like that.

-You could do so much better.

Oh, morning, Bex. Do you need a lift to school?

-Only it's Louise's first day.

-No, I'm meeting my mate, Star.

Suit yourself.

Well, listen, can Louise come with you, then?

-I suppose I could meet her later.

-Don't put yourself out or nothing.

Yeah? That's sorted then.

Can't I just hang out in the Arches with you?

Look, don't worry. Give it a couple of weeks, you'll be running that school, no problem. All right?

Oh, and, er, play nice.

Already started planning, then?

I tried calling you.

Yeah, my phone was off.

All weekend?

Tam, I know I should've spoken to you about it first.

You didn't, though, did you?

Just... When Johnny's ticket was going to go to waste...

I put my heart on the line for you, Nance.

And that's not easy when you're socially backwards, believe me.

I know.

I'm just sick of complaining about how rubbish my life is.

Oh, and you think Italy's the answer to your problem?

It's a start.

Do I figure anywhere in these plans?

Yes!

I want you to come with me, you doughnut.

Why do you think I've been ringing you all weekend?

Nancy, I can't just up and leave.

I've got this job and...

I've got responsibilities.

What? So that's it?

Good luck, yeah?

Everything all right?

FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS

Subtle, Mum.

What is that girl playing at?

You never know. This might be good for her.

She hasn't got anywhere to stay, she can't speak a word of Italian...

-Neither could I.

-Yeah, but it was different for you.

You had Gianluca.

She's going to be a young girl on her own in a strange country.

Nancy can handle herself.

And what if she has a seizure out there?

You can't keep wrapping her up in cotton wool, Mum. She's 22.

First time in years, I have all my babies back under the same roof

and now she's leaving me.

At least you've got me, eh?

Yeah, but for how long?

About three years, I reckon.

What are you talking about?

Well, I've got two options.

McKlunky's or...

I do my law exams.

But how? You dropped out.

I've got a plan, haven't I?

SHE SQUEALS

Unlike your sister.

Do you want me to talk to her?

Oh, you know what she's like. She'll only dig her heels in.

Is everything all right?

I'm going to buy a rucksack.

I think it's time I gave Tam a lesson

in how to deal with Carter women.

Everything all right, Denise?

You know, you want to make sure you use that

before it gets to its sell-by-date.

We all know that men don't like anything past its prime.

Oh, you've been speaking to Carmel, I see.

What actually makes men think that they can comment on a woman's looks?

Whatever I've said, it's been taken out of context.

Of course, most women would rather go for a younger model, anyway.

Let's face it. We all prefer a six pack over a paunch.

Uh, no. No, no, you don't.

Two kids in the shop at one time.

I ain't a kid.

Your uniform says otherwise.

Come on, Bex, let's go.

I didn't want to come in this poxy shop anyway.

You think I've got a paunch?

Why aren't you on the fruit and veg stall?

I'm moving up in the world, Don.

-What, with this tat?

-What you talking about?

This is quality merchandise.

Here, what is that?

Uh, back scratcher, I think.

-It does lower the tone a bit.

-A bit!?

It looks like someone's done a trolley dash

round a bargain basement.

Right, come on, then, ladies and gents.

Get your phone covers. All makes and models.

-We've got diamante ones, too.

-Real genuine imitation leather.

Go on, then. I'll take one.

That is what I am talking about. Is that all right for ya?

-Yeah, sound.

-Yeah, that's only £10.

One of the downsides of the job, mate.

Oh, right. You doing up those flats for Jack, aren't you?

That's right.

How much are going for, then?

Well, out of our price range, mate. Cheers.

Tam!

How did you get on?

Well, I'm not going to be eating pasta for a while.

Oh, I'm sorry, Tam.

Yeah, welcome to the tragicomedy that is my life.

Well, the way I see it, there are two types of people in this world.

There are people like you and me

with their feet firmly planted on the ground

and then there's dreamers like Nancy.

I know which one I'd rather be.

I thought you might be hungry.

Oh. I could get used to this.

Come here.

Let's see it, then.

He's got his big date with Linzi tonight.

-Well, that's not too bad, is it?

-Nah.

It...

looks like something Phil would wear.

Yeah, well, he does all right with women, doesn't he?

So tonight's the big night, then?

Yeah.

And I'm absolutely...

-Bricking it?

-Bricking it. Yeah.

Why?

-Cos she's gone and bought some new underwear, ain't she?

-So?

So that means she's expecting a lot...

And you're worried she'll be disappointed?

No, I never said that.

You've just got to be confident. You know, show a bit of swagger.

Swagger!? What's that?

You just got to know what pushes her buttons, haven't you?

Don't listen to him, bruv. Just got to be yourself, that's all.

Yeah, that's what I'm worried about, boys.

She gets her stubborn streak from her dad's side.

You should have seen some of the fights we had when she was younger.

Proper little hissy fits. We had tears, tantrums, snot, the lot.

And that was just me.

All right, well, I've got paperwork to get through...

Of all the boys she's been out with over the years...

not one of them comes close to you.

You two have got something really special.

-Well, I thought so.

-Then do something about it!

-Don't just let her walk out of here.

-She's made up her mind.

Look at West Side Story.

Does Maria give up on Tony when things get a bit tough for them?

Uh...

No, he gets shot and dies.

All I'm saying is some things are worth fighting for, OK?

All right.

So it's true, then?

You're going off to Italy and leaving us all here?

-It's only for a few months.

-What about Tam?

Oh, he's, um, he's staying here.

What? Is that you and him over, then?

I don't know. Maybe.

You did ask him to go with you, didn't you?

-Of course I did.

-Well, and?

No. He can't just leave his job, can he?

Why not? All he does is shuffle around

with his little clipboard all day.

I guess he does have responsibilities.

No backbone, more like, Nance.

Anything for me?

-The East London Lady Publican's newsletter.

-Oh.

It's saying here they're starting a darts league.

Oh, what's the betting that Thelma has already got a team together?

Well, all the more reason for us giving it a go, hey?

I've got enough on my plate as it is.

I take it Nancy's still going?

Unless Tamwar can talk some sense into her.

I suppose I should count my blessings, really.

At least I've got all my boys back.

Oh, I'm sorry. I...I weren't thinking.

No, it's fine.

At least Ben and Jay are only round the corner, eh?

Don't think they need me any more.

Of course they do!

I mean, look at my lot.

I'm still clearing up after them now.

They might not admit it,

but I bet they're missing you almost as much as you are.

Ooh!

Johnny!

It's, um... Mr Thompson, isn't it?

It's Dr Thompson. But, yeah.

Johnny'll be right down.

Sharon, this is Dr Thompson. He's Johnny's tutor.

-Nice to meet you.

-You too.

Now what can I get you? On the house, of course.

Mum, I'll sort this, thank you.

Thanks so much for agreeing to see me.

Our chef's away today but I could rustle you up

a little bubble and squeak?

We'll just grab a seat over here.

Well, whatever you need, you just give me the nod.

-Will do.

-OK.

Mum, look. It's good, isn't it?

-I didn't think it would have so many compartments.

-Yeah.

All right, I'll take it upstairs, then.

Do you still think Tam can stop her?

He won't let me down.

HE SIGHS

-Hey.

-Hey.

You ought to get on to the council. I think a promotion's well overdue.

Yeah, well, the sky's the limit where I'm concerned, Dad.

Look, if you and Nancy are meant to be, then

you'll be here when she gets back, won't you?

Well, doesn't look like I'm going anywhere, does it?

Look, if you and Ian could just talk about this...

What's there to talk about? He stitched us all up.

-He needs the money, Martin.

-You think I don't?

Go on then, where is he now?

Helping CostMart measure up the fruit and veg aisle?

It's the anniversary of Lucy's death.

He wanted to spend the morning with Jane.

-There's been a spillage on your stall.

-OK, I'll be right there.

Yeah, well, it could be a health and safety hazard so...

-It's a couple of grapes, Tam.

-Just sort it out.

What's his problem?

Jay...

is everything all right?

Yeah, yeah, good, thanks.

-And Ben?

-Yeah, no, he's doing much better.

Well, why don't you come into the Vic later?

I'll buy you a drink. My treat.

Oh, no, I can't. I'm seeing Linzi.

Well, I take it things are going all right?

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

You don't sound too sure.

-Nah, don't worry about it.

-No, go on.

It's just...you know, I don't know what women want, do I?

She's used to men who've got swagger and all that, ain't she?

Well, judging by the way you two were behaving at Ben's birthday,

you've got nothing to worry about.

-I know, but I really like her, you know?

-Just treat her with respect.

-The rest will come naturally.

-Thanks, Sharon.

-How's Phil doing?

-Yeah, he's doing much better so far.

It's his first day totally off the booze.

-That's good.

-I think he's really turned a corner this time.

Well, that's cos he's got you to look after him, eh?

Listen, if you need anything, you know where I am, yeah?

-Yeah, thanks.

-See you, darling.

Are you, er, sure I can't get you anything.

-No, I'm fine.

-He used to love Ally McBeal as a kid.

I used to let him stay up late every Thursday night to watch it.

Mum, do you mind?

No.

-I know it's a big ask...

-I'm sorry but it's out of the question.

You've missed a whole year of study.

It would be irresponsible of me to allow you to sit the exams.

Yeah, but I did the first semester

and I've been reading up on the syllabus?

What about your year two placement?

I took an internship at a British NGO in Rome.

-That's all well and good but...

-The Treaty of Nice.

First signed February 26th, 2001.

It reformed the institutional aspect of the EU to allow...

Johnny, it's not about that. You've missed too many units.

Not to mention hours of tuition time.

How about I pay for the exams myself?

Look, come and see me in July

and I'll try and arrange for you to resit the year.

So I might not even be able to come back?

You were a good student, Johnny, but deferring for a year

called into question your commitment to the course.

I'm really sorry it's not better news.

Johnny? Johnny?

Tam, did you see a man in a suit just come through here?

Yeah, he went that way.

-Everything all right?

-It will be, and do you know why?

Cos we are masters of our own destiny.

Er, Tam...I think someone's just slipped on a grape.

Why aren't you at the hospital?

Cos I ain't...feeling well.

The doctors said this would happen, didn't they?

I thought coming off the booze was going to make me feel better,

not worse.

So what? You're just going to throw the towel in?

-I just...I just need one to take the edge off.

-No, no, you don't.

I swear it'll be the last time, all right?

Do you know what you've put us through for the last six months

and now you're going to fall at the first hurdle?

Jay, you don't understand.

Yes, I do understand. You ain't got the guts to see this through.

Go on then. Go on.

Go and have a drink but don't expect me to be the one to tell Louise.

I do...

I do want to make this work.

Right, so stop making excuses

and start accepting help when it's offered.

When did you get so mouthy, eh?

I learnt from the best, didn't I?

-Come on. Put your coat on.

-What for?

Cos I'm going to take you to the hospital.

I fell in love.

You remember what that feels like, don't you?

-Just about.

-That's why I moved to Italy.

To do something crazy.

Then we split up and I did some growing.

Figured out what I really wanted.

-And what's that?

-This.

You always said being a lawyer was about passion,

about fighting for what you believed in.

So let me sit the exams

and if I fail, I start the year all over again.

I really want this, Hugh.

There's a hell of a lot of work to be done

for you to even stand a chance of passing,

and then it's down to the faculty to decide

whether or not you satisfy the quality requirements.

-I swear I won't let you down.

-You better not.

Oh, and Johnny, mine was Paris.

Mart, I think Tam's finally lost it.

What's he doing?

-You, er, you all right down there, Tam?

-Yeah.

Just, er, compiling some, er, photographic evidence

for the written report.

You're not still going on about those grapes, are you?

Well, yeah, cos, look.

All right, here's the market guidelines, yeah,

and they clearly stipulate that stallholders are responsible

for any spillages or obstacles that might endanger life.

It's a grape.

Yes, it's a grape, but then one grape will turn into two grapes

and then, before you know it, I've got three customers in traction,

another in the small claims court.

You need to get a life.

Yes, but then you need to take better care of your stock, so...

Actually, seeing as we're all here,

yeah, yeah, let's have a stallholders' meeting.

Yay, stallholders' meeting(!)

OK, Donna, you still haven't paid your rent.

Kush, your stall's two inches wider than its designated pitch allowance.

The power's gone to his head.

So this book is here to ensure that

this market is run like a well-oiled machine.

Without it, how would I ensure that licence conditions are met?

That appropriate commodities are sold?

I've read this book from cover to cover,

and you know where it's got me? Absolutely nowhere.

Finally, he gets a backbone.

-Um, what are you doing?

-Taking control of my destiny.

Bye!

PHIL EXHALES

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, it's me.

When?

DOOR SLAMS

Show me the money!

Someone looks pleased with themselves.

That is because we have sold a box load of phone covers already.

-Not forgetting three back scratchers.

-Yep.

Phone covers? That's hardly the stuff of dreams, is it?

Wait till you feast your eyes on this little lot.

-A selfie stick?

-Yeah.

We decided to invest the money we made into new stock.

Top quality merchandise. Allegedly.

-How much did they cost ya?

-Don't worry about that.

The, er, supplier give us a good deal.

-Who exactly is this supplier?

-See, THAT is not important,

cos these little babies are going to make us a killing.

Martin...

-Fat Elvis.

-Fat Elvis?!

So we're about to be made homeless

and you've come home with a load of knock-offs from my Nan's ex?

It's bad enough that he dumped her.

Yeah, but these, Stace. We're onto a guaranteed winner with these.

Look. See?

Trust me.

Louise's school's been on the phone.

She's gone and got herself into a fight, ain't she?

You're joking, in't ya?

Yeah, they want someone to go and pick her up.

I'd do it but I'd miss my group session.

-All right, well stay here. I'll go.

-Thanks, Jay.

Jay...this hotel you're staying at later,

I bet it ain't cheap, is it?

No, it's all right. I'll just do some more overtime.

-Here.

-Phil, don't be silly.

Go on, take it. Take it. Go on.

You have a good time, yeah?

Yeah, I will. Thanks.

-Is Nancy upstairs? Yeah.

-She's upstairs.

-I told you he'd sort it, didn't I?

-Cos you're brilliant.

-Yeah, I am.

-You know what you were talking about.

-Ooh!

Come on, don't keep us in suspense!

He's going to let me take the second year exams.

-Perry Mason over there.

-Oh, I'm so proud of you!

-Oi, you need any help, you give us the nod.

-Yeah.

Hoping you'd say that.

Right, OK.

Where shall we start?

Did you mean it when you said you wanted me to go with you?

Course I did.

Good, cos, um...

I think I just quit my job.

What?

-Are you serious?

-Yeah.

SHE LAUGHS

Listen, four years ago I let someone I love walk out of my life

and I'm not going to make the same mistake with you.

Look at this shirt!

So you're going to have to feed me a lot of gelato,

but I'm going to draw a line at gnocchi,

cos potato that's dressing up to be pasta is kind of wrong in my book.

SHE LAUGHS

BELL RINGS

Yeah, cheers, thanks.

Well? What happened?

-She started it.

-You were supposed to be keeping an eye on her.

-It wasn't me.

-Well, who was it?

Right, well whoever she is, surely she ain't worth all this.

You either get out here now or I drag you out myself!

Move!

I said move.