21/04/2016 EastEnders

Come on, then. Get yourself in here.

Right, but you can't laugh, OK?

Course I ain't going to laugh. Who do you think I am?

Lee?

I promise.

Whoa.

No, I'm feeling it.

That's like Dora the Explorer.

See?

-I look ridonkulous.

-You don't.

It's like Bear Grylls meets Nicki Minaj

and I think it's a very strong look.

What?

Well, I think - and this is just my opinion -

I think you've over-packed.

I'm not just going on holiday, though, am I?

I need enough clothes to last.

Well, wash them as you go along. One pair of everything. Sorted.

I'm not going to my first Full Moon party dressed like this, am I?

Babe's called.

She's stopping another night at her mate's,

so I need to start prepping for lunch.

By prepping, do you mean defrosting?

I'm not totally useless in the kitchen, you know?

Thought you'd be gone by now.

I called in sick.

I didn't get much sleep last night.

Right, Well, I just spoke to Syed

and he's happy to take Kamil.

So, he'll meet us at the airport.

-No.

-What?

I was thinking about what you said yesterday

and I'm grateful.

But I really think you should go with Nancy tomorrow.

I'm going to go when you feel better.

OK? So, I'm actually about to go and ask the council

-for my job back for a few weeks.

-But Tam...

Dad, I prefer it this way.

Really.

I find it hard to believe that Nancy's going to agree.

Don't forget, darts practice, five o'clock.

You do realise I'm not much good?

Which is why we need to practise.

They don't take no prisoners at the Lady Publican's League.

You know, I thought I might get us a coach.

Where do you think I'd find a darts coach? Online, maybe?

Don't you think you're taking this a bit seriously?

I do understand why you want to keep busy.

What do you mean?

The Decree Nisi.

I know you're trying to hide it, but I could see how upset you were.

Look, whatever I did or didn't feel,

let's get one thing clear.

Divorcing Phil's going to be a whole lot easier than being married to him.

TEXT ALERT RINGS

Oh, was that Star?

Ben.

What's so important? You'll see him in ten minutes.

Don't think you'll be lying around here all morning.

It's bad enough you're excluded from school.

You can come with me to pick up the new motor.

And you can finally tell me why you were fighting.

I already told you.

No idea why she started on me.

-And I'm not sitting in a car all day, Dad.

-Tough.

I want you somewhere I can keep my eye on you.

So I'll go to the Arches. You trust him, don't you?

You all right with that?

Yeah. Yeah, it's fine, yeah.

All right, well, answer your phone when I call you

and don't let her out your sight.

-Understand?

-OK.

You heard her, Mick.

She's done no planning, apart from researching beach parties

and the cheapest way to jump out of a plane!

You know what she's like.

She just wants to feel like she's being impulsive.

Yeah, but it's the impulsive ones that end up in trouble.

She should've saved up, thought it through, but no.

No, she's off to the back of beyond with nothing but a travel plug and a bottle of suncream.

Well, I'd be just as worried as you if she was going on her own,

but she ain't.

She's got Tamwar.

Come here.

So you get a bus down into Greece,

and you're heading for Piraeus,

cos that's, like, the main ferry port for all the islands.

And then, apparently from there,

it's cheapest if you get this overnight ferry,

-where you sleep on deck.

-Nancy...

Now, I knew you'd be worried about that.

-Have you got your sleeping bag?

-Not yet.

Have you even booked your flight?

Tam, you're worrying me. What?

I can't go tomorrow.

You're joking?

It's my dad.

What? Has he asked you to stay?

No, no.

But I think he's having some kind of breakdown.

What? Is this about what happened last night?

-No, it's not just that.

-Tam, he got stood up

and now he's feeling sorry for himself.

-He's not a teenager!

-It's not just to do with that.

It's my mum.

I don't think he ever really dealt with the fact that she's gone

for good. And now she's getting married again,

this time he doesn't have a choice.

So, he's taken a look at his life

and he doesn't like what he's seeing.

Imagine if that was your dad.

I'm worried about him, Nance. I'm really worried about him

and I can't just leave him when he needs me the most.

This is the problem with going out with lovely guys.

You just go around doing lovely things all the time.

It'll just be a few weeks until he feels better.

If we could just delay...

Oh, no. I can't stay here any longer.

I've got to go tomorrow.

OK.

But you can just come out and meet me.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

OK.

All right, just don't do all the good stuff without me.

Maybe just find a beach, like there,

and lie on it.

This is some of the money from Mum

-and I want you to have it.

-No.

No, Nance, cos I know you need it.

That's not your problem, though, is it? It's mine.

Thank you.

I'm bored. Do you want anything from the caff?

No. Your dad said I've got to keep an eye on you.

Not literally. Cos that would be weird, right?

I'll have a tea. White, two sugars.

Yeah, like that's going to happen.

So...

..I'm heading for the door now.

I could nearly be out of your sight.

Couple more steps

and I could be gone

and anything could happen.

That's what she wants.

What?

You running around after her. She fancies you. It's obvious, bruv.

It's only going to get worse now you're single.

Right, you want to watch what you're saying

because that sort of thing ain't even funny.

Do you know what?

Splitting up with Linzi's given you a sense-of-humour failure.

You ever going to tell me why you dumped her?

Cos you've been acting proper cagey about it all.

I'll easily make more money than you could on that stall.

All right, well, how long do you want it for?

I don't know. Like, a couple of hours, tops?

I mean, you do know it's against market regulations?

Come on, Martin. I'll give you, like, 10% of everything I earn.

20.

All right, 10% and £30 guaranteed.

And you can just stay here and chill out with Stacey. Please.

-All right.

-Yes!

-Thank you, man. Thank you! I'll see you later.

-Yeah.

-So, you upgraded to air-conditioning?

-Yeah.

Fella down the hire shop, he done me a deal.

Apparently there's not much call for air conditioning in April.

Who'd have thought, hey?

Can I help you?

I'll manage, thank you.

Well, if you're looking for meal ideas,

we're doing a special on humble pie at the moment.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means I don't think you've apologised to my mate yet.

Denise!

Has he or has he not apologised to you?

I'm, er,

sorry for everything.

Good. There, it's done.

Now we can put this all behind us.

Us?

What did it ever have to do with you?

How did you get Martin to agree to this?

He's having 10% of everything I earn.

I'm giving him £30 guaranteed.

He's given it to me for two hours.

Right. Well.

We'd better make sure we shift it all this, then, eh?

I'll get Shrimpy to cover my stall.

-Thank you.

-No worries.

What you doing?

Decluttering.

Er, this is all good stuff.

You love your records.

You begged me for that.

I haven't used it in years, have I?

You don't need to flog it.

I don't need it, Dad.

What's brought this on, Nance?

I need money.

I thought Tamwar had enough readies to see you through until you find work.

Wasn't it you who always said not to rely on some man?

-True, but...

-Nothing, Dad.

I need money and this is the only way I can make any, so...

DOORBELL RINGS

You really did hurt me, you know?

Erm...

I really am very sorry.

And Stacey?

Well, I'll speak to her the first chance I get.

I'll put the kettle on.

Did you speak to Linzi?

We don't want to talk about it.

Another drink?

Just ignore her.

Oh, I intend to.

I've got no intention of playing wicked stepmum.

Well, ex-stepmum.

Did Phil get the divorce papers?

The Decree Nisi.

He should've received it the past couple of days.

Yeah, maybe he did. I'm not sure. He never said.

-TEXT ALERT RINGS

-Oh.

Look, Sharon, I've got to go. I'll see you later.

Bye, darling.

Drink that and get back to the Arches, all right?

-No, just wait ten minutes.

-I can't babysit you all day.

-Babysit?

-Yeah, some of us have got to get back to work.

Keep the tea.

I was wondering if she'd said anything,

because this morning she was all excited

and now she's out there selling all her worldlies with a twisted-up boat.

So, she hasn't told you, then?

Denise. Have you not considered different clothing to keep you cool?

Like natural fibres.

Cotton.

Linen.

Bamboo, even.

Bamboo?

-Just this.

-That'll be £1.50, please.

Now, you see this? This is a genuine US collectible, this is.

The exact same shirt as Tupac wore when he got whacked.

You going to start me off at 20?

-You all right?

-You still haven't told your dad that I'm not going.

No, cos if he finds out you're not coming with me,

he's going to try and make me stay.

-So the plan is...

-Yeah, so here's the thing.

You might need a new plan.

-Trace, is Linda upstairs?

-Yeah.

-Keep your eye on this gaff. I won't be long.

-Yeah, sure.

Cor. Not bad for a...

Go on. Finish your sentence.

He don't need to. He thinks women can't play.

-Oh.

-Now, before you all go burning your bras,

no-one's saying that you can't play.

No, you're saying we can't play as well as men.

Well, we could do with a practice before we join the league.

20 quid says my girls can thrash whatever losers you bring in.

Tomorrow night, in here.

All right, if you're that confident, make if 50.

Fine. Double it.

Make it a ton.

Right. All right.

And may the best, er,

person win...

It doesn't matter how much time's passed.

It's hard pulling up those roots.

Moving on.

Zainab doesn't seem to have had much trouble.

She met someone, that's all.

It's not a race.

You'll meet the right person,

sooner or later.

Yeah, well, they'd run a mile if they had any sense.

Don't say that.

It's true.

I'm a mess.

Course you're not.

You've hit a bump in the road.

Just need a bit of help getting back on track.

Well, I'm not short of any help.

Tamwar's delayed his trip because he's worried about me.

Syed's had to step in and take Kamil to Pakistan because I can't face his mother.

Do you ever think maybe facing Zainab

is exactly what you need to do?

You could sit here feeling sorry for yourself or

you could jump on a plane with Kamil,

wish Zainab well on her wedding day,

and then head off to the beach.

-The beach?

-Mm.

Lahore's a long way from the beach.

So fly off somewhere else. Thailand, wherever.

Why not?

When did you last take a holiday?

-Can't remember.

-Exactly.

The point is,

you could sit here feeling guilty about everything,

but you don't have to.

Tell Tamwar you're fine.

Pack him off.

Take Kamil to Pakistan and face your demons.

Then sit on a beach for a week and cry.

You can make this happen.

And I think you'd feel a lot better about yourself if you did.

Wow. This looks serious.

Just sit down, Nance, please.

Tam's already told me,

so we can just skip to the bit where you freak out.

Were you actually going to tell us, or did you think we wouldn't notice you were leaving on your own?

Sit down, please, Nance.

Now, we was going to let you go on this trip...

And you can't stop me, so...

OK. All right, but we're allowed to be concerned.

So, we was ready to let you go on this trip

on the understanding that you wasn't going on your own.

-But...

-Dad, I am not an idiot, OK?

I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself in a foreign country.

And when I'm settled I'll let you know.

Are we done?

BABY CRYING

I'll get him.

Short of tying her up, I don't know what to do.

Why won't she just wait a few weeks?

-Cos she's Nancy.

-No, it's not just that.

I think there's something she's not telling us.

She's probably walking down Oxford Street.

Well, she wouldn't do that, would she?

What are you talking about? This is Louise.

She does what she wants.

So...

come on. Tell him what you did.

I took a bottle of wine.

Suppose I shouldn't be surprised that she's got a taste for it.

And the word is "stole".

Where was Jay? I told him to look after you.

That ain't the point.

Are you suggesting that she needs a minder to stop her from nicking stuff?

Can I go? She's kept me here ages.

You're lucky you ain't down the police station, love.

It ain't my fault that your dad took his sweet time getting down here.

I was picking up my motor.

Yeah, go on. Go. Go on.

How much for the bottle of wine?

It ain't about the money. I want to know what you're going to do about her.

She nicked a bottle of wine.

Don't tell me you didn't do worse when you was her age.

Are you going to punish her or not?

What I do or don't do with my daughter

has got nothing to do with you.

Where's that one going?

I'm going to miss you, cheeky-chops.

I am.

I'm going to miss those cheeky-chops.

You don't even know I'm going, do you?

You probably won't even remember me when I get back.

But I want you to remember me, OK?

I want you to remember my voice.

And I want you to remember how much I love you,

and how sorry I am.

Cos what I'm doing now, Ollie,

going off to see the world...

..you might not ever be able to do that

and that's because of me.

So, I promise you,

I swear, that I'll bring the world back to you.

I'm going to tell you all my of stories.

And I'll do that, I'll do that for my whole life.

I swear to you, Ollie.

Nance?

They wouldn't let you stay?

Good, because I want you to go tomorrow.

Dad, we've been through this.

The wedding threw me, I'll admit that...

..but I've had time to think today and I feel better.

You know you don't have to pretend.

Well...I think we both know I'm too selfish for that.

-Mm.

-Mm.

No. Well, I've decided I will go to Pakistan after all

and I'll drop Kamil off, and then

I will go on holiday.

A holiday?

A fresh perspective.

So, if you want to stay here,

you can, by all means,

but you'll be on your own.

OK.

I need to know that you've booked this before I get on that plane.

-Booking it right now.

-Where?

I was thinking Thailand, maybe.

I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you.

Or

you could always join me.

The three of us.

Look, amazing food, exotic beaches, golden temples...

Yeah. Don't tempt me, cos if Nancy gets her way,

our trip's going to be terrifying.

We're going to be skydiving and bungee jumping,

and swimming with sharks.

So, I could do with someone to help me say, "No."

You should go. Tell her the good news.

OK.

You know, you're so like me it's frightening.

And if this trip's about you running away from what happened,

then you need to know now, that you don't have to, because...

HE SOBS

I've been so harsh on you and I'm so sorry.

HE SOBS AND SIGHS

I just...

I just keep loopin' back to that day...

..just playing it over and over.

Why was I even fighting with Lee?

And I just remember feeling so angry and frustrated.

I just feel really trapped here, Dad.

But this is your home.

No, I know.

But I can't stay here.

I keep...

I keep thinking about people from school.

And half of them went to college

and then they've, like, moved away for work.

They've actually started their lives.

But you don't need to leave home to start your life.

No, I know. I know that. Some people don't.

But I do.

I need to go.

I've got to go and figure out who I really am...

..and I can't do that here, Pop.

Please, I'm begging you.

Please don't try and stop me.

I don't need you to make this harder than it already is, OK?

Please.

THEY BOTH SOB

He might as well've laughed in my face. I could've punched him.

That's just bravado.

I'm sure he'll deal with Louise behind closed doors.

He won't. He virtually said as much.

So what was I supposed to do?

Let her off scot-free?

He left me with no choice.

You didn't.

Oh, yes, I did.

Louise, I don't know what game you're playing at,

but give me a call back as soon as you get this, OK?

Maybe you should try it without the glass, Kath?

Good idea. Someone chuck me the bottle.

I'm not carrying no dead wood tomorrow night.

-Where's Nancy?

-She's upstairs.

-Come on, Ron.

-Right, ready? Oh, sorry!

SHE LAUGHS

Right.

Don't just chuck them, Ronnie!

They're going to have us for toast if we don't concentrate. Come on.

All right, chill out! You're taking it so seriously!

I thought we were meant to be having a laugh.

Well, we won't be laughing when that bald Muppet's standing there

with a grin a mile wide, will we?

What bald muppet is that, then? Buster or the one you're divorcing?

Why don't you put a sock in it, eh, Shirley?

You all right, Sharon?

Sorry. I'm just a bit stressed.

Her Decree Nisi's just come through.

It's no big deal.

-Just suddenly feels real, that's all.

-Oh, Sharon. I'm sorry.

Sorry I'm late, girls. You all right?

Look, I don't want to worry you. I've just seen the Old Bill coming out of Phil's.

Is that sleeping bag big enough for two?

What? You're so tight. Buy your own.

I might not have time.

I spoke to Dad.

I argued, but he insisted that I go with you after all.

-What, tomorrow?

-Mm.

-So you're coming?

-Yeah.

SHE SQUEALS AND LAUGHS

Where've you been?

I've been at the Arches.

But, Phil, listen. Whatever the police have said, right, I can explain everything.

Hang on a sec. You already know about this?

Well, I texted him.

You're supposed to be keeping an eye on her.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I'm sorry.

It wasn't Jay's fault, right? I ran away.

It was meant to be a laugh.

DOORBELL RINGS Well, we'll see how funny it is

when the Old Bill are cautioning you down the station tomorrow.

What've you done?

It don't matter what I've done.

You seriously think I would have grassed you up?

-What am I supposed to think, I see an Old Bill car outside the house?

-I thought you trusted me.

Sonia said she saw a police car.

-I was worried.

-It was a misunderstanding. A mistake.

Which means "Keep your beak out."

I didn't mean it like that.

Well, that's what it sounds like.

Fine. If I'm not needed, I'll leave you to it, OK?

You could've just told her, couldn't you?

This is family business

and whatever you feel about Sharon,

she ain't family any more.

BELL RINGS

Right, everyone, come and have a listen.

As most of you know,

my little, beautiful Nancy here,

it's her last night sleeping under this roof for quite some time

and we just got word that Tam will DEFINITELY be going this time.

So, will you join us in wishing them all the best on their trip

to Italy and all the other beautiful gaffs they're going to go to?

-APPLAUSE

-Good luck, baby.

Oh, here's the geezer now.

Tam, you've got a speech, ain't you, for the occasion?

Yeah, before you do, Tam, I just wanted to give you something.

I thought about what you said, and I have been a bit spontaneous.

These are tickets to Pakistan.

Yeah, and then an onward flight to Thailand.

And I thought Australia, maybe, but that's totally up to you.

Wow. How'd you afford that?

Well, it turns out first-class tickets

can buy you a lot of economy travel.

Good idea? Bad idea?

What? Good idea!

There's three tickets here.

Well, you quite like the idea of Thailand, right?

-Yeah.

-Three tickets?

So, there's one for me, one for you...

We are going to have a great adventure!