28/06/2016 EastEnders

Morning!

Before you ask, we haven't got it yet.

It's too much money to get hold of so quickly.

Nice try, but I know you and Les can spare plenty of cash,

what with all your little mark-ups.

All right. Er.... Give us a bunch of your best buds, Pam.

I'm going to celebrate Linda's birthday a few days early.

Know what I mean? Don't want to make a big deal, you know,

-with Peggy's funeral.

-That's a Linda, isn't it?

That's a Linda, that is. Ohh!

Beautiful, beautiful! Thank you.

Er, we're going to have a little spread in the Vic later.

Why don't you come over, raise a glass?

-I'm not too...

-Oh, she'd love to see you and Les. We all would.

-We'll try.

-Yeah? Good. Right, here's a score, cop for that, all right?

Oh, thanks, Mick.

You could make a proper night of it, get your glad rags on.

Give Les an excuse to dress up!

SHE LAUGHS

£1,000 by tomorrow.

Ta-ra.

Nan, sorry, I overslept.

That's all right, darling.

You all right?

Yes.

-ON RADIO:

-'Brexit, Britain's exit from the EU,

'has left a sea of confusion in its wake.

'This historic decision has left many uncertain about the future

'of their country.

'The first thing to remember is that the UK will...'

SHE SWITCHES RADIO OFF Can't listen to this anymore.

I know, it's driving me mad and all.

Who are they for?

Oh, little early birthday treat.

SHE LAUGHS

Mm, they're lovely.

SIGHING: I just don't know who to believe.

Is Brexit going to leave us better off or not?

I don't know, baby. I don't know.

I'm more agged about last night's result.

What's it going to do to our takings?

It's hardly going to be rammo in here, is it? Iceland v France(?)

First Cameron, now half of Labour's front bench, then Hodgson goes.

-Talk about rats leaving a sinking ship.

-Rats! Rats, the lot of them.

This country, it's going to do what it does best in a crisis.

Blame everyone else?

LINDA CHUCKLES

No. No, we're going to pull together.

Got to admit though, Iceland were the better team.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Don't mean I'm going to start eating puffin though,

while listening to Bjork, does it?

I better finish getting ready, show must go on I suppose.

Sorry I won't be here later, meeting my new tutor at five.

No, don't worry about it, it's not like today's my birthday anyway.

Listen, go and get untold of them Welsh flags for downstairs,

cos we're going to back them boys.

-Least we're still part of the United Kingdom, eh?

-For now.

-So, you got your packed lunch?

-Yeah, very funny...

-Jack!

-Oh, you all right, Roxy?

Listen, I'll see you over there, yeah?

Look, I ain't got time for this right now.

Anyway, Ronnie's taken Amy to school.

Yeah, well, I just... I got Amy this.

You really don't get it, do you?

It's going to take a lot more than that to make up for what you did!

Yeah, all right, but if I could just go and put it...

Yeah, social services are sending someone over later.

And I've got to be honest with them,

I got to tell 'em that I don't think you're fit to look after Amy alone.

And my solicitor's told me I've got a strong case for full custody.

Jack, there's no need for any of this.

Right, yeah, well, you've left me no choice.

Grandad.

You going deaf?

No, what?

Whelks? Have we got any whelks?

Er... Er... No, no, we sold out.

Get another lot tomorrow.

Sorry, mate.

-Sorry, mate.

-You all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Buster?! How wasted were you?

Shh!

We just had a bit of a flirt, that's all.

Yeah, and I hope that's as far as you want it to go.

You need to forget about this!

You're the one who told me to have some more fun from now on.

Yes, but not with another woman's fella!

-Do you know what I mean? It's...

-Er, what's this?

You've been playing with somebody else's toys?

This is a private conversation.

Oh, come on! I've been surrounded by pink balloons all morning,

I could do with a bit of dirt.

What, is he married?

As good as.

-But nothing happened.

-Why not?

All's fair in love and war.

Do you know his missus?

Yeah.

What's she like?

Can be a bit of a battleaxe.

But, er...

He's not happy with her.

He said as much.

Yeah. Well, maybe you've read him wrong.

Kath, what do you think?

Bloke with a partner.

Fair game, or off limits?

Oh, I dunno. These things are a bit complicated, in't they?

Oh, no wonder you're all so sexually frustrated!

-I ain't frustrated!

-No, nor me!

Well, he must be straying for a reason.

Oh, can you bring that salmon round to the Vic later on?

There's nothing but the best for Her Royal Highness Linda.

They paid for this.

Yeah. Well, I'm here to serve.

You can't just... What were you thinking?

Look, no pressure, but after last night...

..I'd hate to think you were avoiding me.

No, it's not that.

-It's just I said I'd cover all day, that's all.

-Oh, right.

Look, I'll try and get Marie back in for a bit later, OK?

I'll let you know. OK.

Er... Here.

THEY CHUCKLE

You are playing with fire, do you know that?

Eh? Even if you don't care about Shirley,

do you really just want to be somebody's, like,

little bit on the side?

Not forever, but...

Well, who knows where it might go?

Buster's not like Umar or Mas, he knows how to have a laugh,

make a girl feel special.

Look...

Chances of happiness don't happen that much for us at our age,

so when something comes along, you've got to grab it!

60, 80...

£500?

That is less than Sharon and I agreed.

Well, she's been doing her homework,

and reckons you're charging more than you should be.

Deposit reflects what we're willing to pay.

She should be paying the full amount at this stage!

If you've got a problem with it, we could always shop around.

Peggy Mitchell specifically named Coker and Son

as her funeral director of choice.

We buried her mother, her father and her late husband.

But if that means nothing to Sharon,

she's more than welcome to take her business elsewhere!

Jumped-up little madam!

That's no excuse to risk losing business!

-Anyway, she's right. You DID inflate the price.

-Not by much!

We got enough to pay Babe?

No, not right now. But in a couple of days with a bit of manoeuvring...

Well, what about that? Least it's something.

No, we need this to cover costs!

I'll call the bank, ask them to extend our overdraft. We'll manage.

I'm sorry again about tonight, Linda,

but I'm really bogged down with all the final arrangements.

Don't worry. Honestly, if it was down to me I wouldn't be doing anything, but Mick insisted.

As if creeping closer to 40 is anything to celebrate!

Don't I know it?!

Some of us have already crossed over to the dark side.

THEY CHUCKLE

And I'll have aged another five years after this funeral's over!

Oh, what else have you got left to do?

Well, I've just got to ring round everyone

and make sure the flowers go to the right place, and...

Have you roped in the rest of the family?

What about Phil's brother? It's Grant, innit?

I mean, he must be helping?

Well, you know what men are like, they're useless.

Anyway, Phil should be back any time soon,

but until then...

Until then, don't let it get on top of you.

You're queen of the Mitchell family now, you can handle it!

Yeah.

-It's time I banged their heads together.

-Yeah!

-See you later.

-Bye.

Oh, yeah, who'd you get that from, then?

Someone in the know.

-Hold the fort, son. I've got an errand to run.

-No worries.

I know it sounds mad, but it's true!

Believe you.

What's true?

Nothing.

Well, it didn't sound like nothing.

No, we're just...

Listen, I better get back to work.

-Has Babe been talking to you?

-What about, the bet?

-Eh?

-What bet?

Look, please don't tell Honey, all right, Pam?

Look, I wouldn't bet, normally,

I just had a tip-off from a mate of mine.

It's 10/1, it's a dead cert. I'm only having a score on it.

Well, what you do with your money, Billy, is your business.

Billy!

Mr Lawler's waiting.

Yeah, yeah, I'm on it, Les!

-See you later.

-Sorry about that, Bill.

-All right.

Well?

But we're good customers! Why won't they help us?

I defaulted on the last mortgage payment.

-Oh, Les!

-I'm sorry, Birdy.

Listen, I've got to go. I'll think of something, I promise.

Yeah, I'll be there.

Look, don't worry, Sharon, OK?

We'll make sure that every last detail is perfect.

OK, bye.

Roxy!

Who was that?

Shh...

It was the social worker.

How did it go?

She kept going on about drugs,

and how I've got to keep them away from Amy.

And I told her, you know, I said I've got rid of all of them, but...

What if Jack's right? What if I am an unfit mother?

He doesn't really believe that.

You've got to face him properly.

Just...go over there and be honest.

Tell him how much you want to make amends.

And if he sees you're serious, he'll listen.

We've got your money.

I can give it to you right now.

Good.

Hurry along, then.

That is half of it.

And the rest, later in the week.

Birdy...

Oh, dear! You really don't get how this works, do you?

I tell you how much I want, and that's what you give me,

not a penny less.

Please, Babe, we can't get any more. You're bankrupting us!

-We don't deserve that, we're good people.

-Good people...

..with a grubby little secret.

Deadline just changed.

I want the money today...

But we can't!

£1,000 by 5pm.

No! It's impossible!

Should be busy in the pub tonight.

I could get this enlarged, make sure no-one misses it.

Printers down the road do a one-hour service!

Five o'clock.

Tick-tock!

TRAIN RUMBLES

Ta.

SHE SIGHS

So...

So.

You know what I think.

I think you like me.

Huh! Must be your modesty. Ha!

And I like you.

And what about Shirley?

-I don't think you're her type.

-(Oh!)

Look, I've...

I've never done anything like this to Shirl before.

It's just because...

What?

Well, I don't want to use the word "irresistible"...

SHE LAUGHS

Look, Kathy, I just hope we're on the same page.

If not, you know, put me out of my misery, please.

I'll give you a day to think about it, eh?

If I don't hear from you, then...

..we'll call it quits.

No harm done, yeah?

Sharon's money's gone.

Please tell me you didn't give it to Babe?!

No.

Oh, well, good.

Well, we'll find another way.

I already have.

You put it on a horse?

-All of it?

-I had no choice!

We needed that money for Peggy's funeral!

You're gambling with our business.

Without our good reputation...

You didn't care about our reputation when you tried to con Sharon!

And our business will be destroyed within hours

if we don't get all that money for Babe right now!

She wants it by five o'clock.

Otherwise, she is going to show that photo of you...

..to the whole pub tonight.

I had to do something!

-Ah!

-I need some salmon.

Er... Whole, fillet or steaks?

-Three steaks, please. Erm... Two large ones.

-Yeah.

That'll keep my boys fit and fed.

-Yeah, and a little one for you, yeah?

-Yeah.

Erm... I might've eaten a whole pizza after that party.

Oh!

Well, it helps soak the booze up, don't it?

Hm! Yeah.

I don't want to even think how many calories it was.

Oh, leave off, there's nothing of you! Look at you!

-Charmer.

-Yeah.

THEY CHUCKLE

So what you up to later?

Er...

Linda's drinks in the Vic. I'm doing the buffet.

Pop in!

I'll see you get a bit extra.

Erm, oh... I'll be back in a minute.

-You busy later?

-No, not especially, why?

We're going over the Vic.

I've decided hair of the dog is the best way forward.

What else you up to?

Meal for one, book, bed by ten?

No! Actually, no, I'm...

more 10.30! Maybe...

THEY LAUGH

We're going, no arguments!

She's in her room, all right, and I ain't bringing her down here.

I'm not here to see Amy. I need to talk to you, Jack.

HE SIGHS

Please?!

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

OK, erm...

I'm sorry about earlier.

OK? It was really stupid of me

to try and fix everything with a hamster.

I saw the social worker before.

It was a proper wake-up call.

I put myself in her shoes, and I looked at me...

-SHE SIGHS

-..and I saw a bad mother, too.

Things have got to change, Jack, you know, the way...

the way I'm living my life, it's got to change.

(Yeah.)

Jack, you got to help me, OK?

If you go for full custody,

Amy's going to want to know why.

And then what am I meant to tell her?

That my fiance tried to...

That my fiance tried to rape me, yeah?

And that I hated myself so much that I got mixed up in drugs,

and because of me, she could've died?

Jack, I don't want her to ever, ever find out any of this stuff!

Come on, Light Wizard!

I think he's going to win!

Come on, Light Wizard. Come on, my son!

ON RADIO: ..and Light Wizard cross the line together. Photo call!

-Who got it?

-Dunno. Said something about a photo finish.

Here's the result. First: Blast From The Past.

Oh! Stupid mare!

That's the problem with gambling.

Don't always pay off.

I don't know who I've become...

..but I know I don't like her.

And, if I don't like myself, how can I expect my daughter to like me?

Look, you've had a tough year.

That doesn't mean it's the person you are.

I don't want it to be. I don't.

Look, Jack...

Amy's better off here with you and Ronnie.

OK? I...

I can't be a decent mum to her

until I can feel like a half-decent person myself

and that's not going to happen around here.

So what are you saying?

I think I need to go away and just...

Just need to sort my head out, Jack.

-Look, hang on...

-No, look, I...

I can't change anything hanging around here, can I?

Going over and over everything in my head. I need...

I need space. I need to...

I need to get my act together.

Oh!

You shouldn't have done all this!

Look at her, look!

39 and still an absolute raving sort!

Would you stop saying my age over and over!

You could be 99 and I'd still fancy you.

Oh! Leave off!

Should yous two still be doing this at your age?

Shut your noise, you.

-So where is this amazing surprise, then?

-All in good time.

Go and have a plot. Go on.

So, er... Where's your contribution?

Oh, don't. I made a right doughnut move.

Wasted it betting on an 'orse.

-You're such a dry lunch.

-Yeah, all right.

All right, everyone! Come and get it!

You look different.

You had your hair done?

Didn't think you'd notice.

Thought I'd make an effort.

No, you look nice.

What are you after?

I am capable of giving you a compliment now and again.

Look, about last night, I'm sorry.

If you play your cards right, I'll make it up to you.

Got any sausage rolls, mate?

Eh?

Nah.

DOOR OPENS

Carmel, this is a bad idea.

Don't be such a grump.

I'm here for Linda, no-one else.

Kushy!

I thought you were having a quiet night in?

Yeah, I changed my mind.

Erm... Catch you in a bit, OK?

Where you going? What you doing?

I'm just going to get some nibbles.

Don't worry.

I'm not going to shove an apple in me mouth

and fling myself across the buffet!

Why don't you circulate a bit yourself?

Live a little!

Hello.

Erm... I was reading about this new fish restaurant in Dalston.

-Oh, yeah?

-Thought it might be your thing.

I've cut out a voucher for it, if you, er, wanted to go.

Look, er, Carmel, that's lovely, but I'm...

I'm really not in the market for anything other than being mates.

Oh, no! I...

I didn't mean for us both.

I'll give it... I'll give it to you, if you like.

-The voucher.

-Yeah!

-Crossed wires, eh!

-Yeah! Totally!

Look, I would never be anyone's bit on the side. I, er...

-I've got too much self-respect for that.

-Yeah.

Carm... Carmel!

Maybe I should talk to Babe, try and reason with her.

We've already tried that.

There'd be no point in exposing me right now.

She'd blow any chance of any more payments.

-We don't know what she's capable of.

-Why'd you have to blab to Shirley

about it being Babe's fault? Why'd you blow the money we needed?

-Don't you understand what we could lose?

-You stupid man!

Blaming me won't change anything.

Is it because what I did to Hercules?

No, darling. No!

OK, it's because of lots of things, but...

..it is not because of you.

But you're leaving me.

Not for ever.

How long?

I don't know.

I don't know, but you know you'll be so looked after by your daddy.

And by Auntie Ronnie.

You won't miss me.

I will miss you.

Listen, you can speak to your mum on my laptop any time you like.

Promise.

Hey, listen.

Right, do you remember

when we went to stay with your great-auntie Peggy?

Remember that? In her villa?

And, every night, we used to lay by the pool, didn't we,

and we used to look up at the stars?

Well, when I've gone,

I'm going to look at the stars again...

..and, every time I do, I'm going to think of you.

Every night?

Every night.

Come and look at this.

You're going to have this to keep you company.

-It's a hamster! I love hamsters!

-Yeah.

And it's from your mum.

Are you 100% sure about this?

Yeah.

Look, I feel bad for...

I feel bad for missing Auntie Peggy's funeral,

but it's better that I just go now before I change my mind, all right?

When I get there, I'll call you, I'll let you know where I'm staying.

Here, take this.

It'll help you get back on your feet.

Go on. It's what Ronnie would do.

Thank you.

You going to tell her?

No.

No. You know what she's like, all right?

She won't rest until she's talked me out of it.

Please don't say anything until I'm gone.

Good luck.

All right if I shoot off?

Yeah, course.

Is, erm...

is Pam all right?

Only she seems a bit edgy.

Ah, she's...

taking everything on her shoulders.

As always.

And me? Same old story.

Flailing around.

Useless. No idea what to do.

No!

You're her rock, aren't you?

And I reckon that you two are that strong

you can get through anything.

And you always have done in the past, haven't you?

I've got to go.

-Hiya.

-All right?

Do you fancy coming over tonight?

Ian's visiting Jane

so I'm going to be rattling round the house on my own.

Oh, sorry, Mum. I promised Paul a takeaway.

Oh. Not to worry.

Do you know...

you're good together, you and him.

Got a better taste in blokes than I ever had.

I ain't going to argue with that.

Speaking of which, ain't it about time you started looking again?

You deserve more than that, Mum.

Not all men are like Gavin and my old man.

Sorry. Don't mind if I join you, do you?

Your mum did a runner.

Nah, yeah, course.

Er...

I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.

-About all the training stuff. Just...

-What?

-Just forget I mentioned it.

-No, no, no. Let's do it.

That's if you still want to.

Yes.

Yes, definitely. Let's do it.

Pam! You made it!

Hello, sweetheart. You all right?

Pop that there!

Oh, sorry, Babe. There you go.

One minute late.

SHE TUTS

'Spose I can allow it.

What was that on the bar?

No need for you to find out if you've got the cash.

There is no money.

Not today.

But if you give us more time...

You're out of time.

And chances.

What are you going to do?

MICK: Babe, you going to do the honours?

It'll be my pleasure!

(Wait and see.)

-BELL RINGS

-Ladies and gents,

if I could have your attention!

It's Linda's birthday in a few days' time

and we wanted to bring a big smile to her face.

So, without further ado...

No! You can't! No! You can't! I won't let you!

-Pam... Pam...

-No!

-Oi! Oi!

GLASS SMASHES

Pam, have you lost the plot?

That's the 2003 revival poster, babe.

I do apologise. Er...

We've all chipped in to it.

I'm sorry, Mick. I'm...

I didn't mean to, Linda.

I'm so sorry!

Don't know what her problem was.

Maybe she don't like musicals.

Yeah, hi. Can I, erm,

get a cab from 47 Albert Square, please?

Yeah, as quick as you can.

Cheers.

Yeah.

OK.

-That's a nice photo.

-Yeah.

I forget she was a kid once. It's hard to imagine.

Bet she was just as feisty.

Nah, I reckon she was as good as gold,

and then snuck out to misbehave on the quiet like the rest of us.

-Just like you!

-Don't say that, Ron!

It's a compliment!

I know who I'd want on my side in a fight.

Right, Jack?

Hm?

Yeah. Yeah, nice photo.

-Dad!

-Mm-hm.

-Can I call Mum?

I want to show her the bed I made for the hamster.

-Yeah, not now, darling.

-You said I can keep in touch.

Yeah, just not this minute.

Won't her phone work while she's travelling?

Travelling?

Where?

Look, she didn't want me to say anything until she got settled.

Settled?

Where's my sister gone, Jack?

Les?

Les!

-I'll see you upstairs! I'm just...

-Les, you open this door

or I'll get someone to break it down!

Wha...?

It's just once, I swear.

I was feeling so much pressure, and when you...

told me we'd lost the money, I...

I didn't want to lean on you any more. I wanted to be strong.

You've done so much for me

and, today, I wanted to step up for you, prove to you...

we're still a team.

A team?

How can you say that?

Of all the things that you could do, you choose this?

You're just as bad as Babe.

Tormenting me with your...

-..your perversion!

-Oh, Birdy...

Don't you "Birdy" me!

I'm nothing to you, am I?

Compared to her.

To Christine. She's the only woman you want.

Isn't it?

And she's not even a woman.

Not a real woman. She's just a...

..a sick fantasy!

There!

What's left now, Les?

Just a sad, pathetic old man!

How could you do this to me again?

-I can't look at you.

-Pam!

HE GROANS

Les?

HE GROANS

Les?

HE GROANS