01/09/2016 EastEnders

Yeah? Erm, is Mark in, Mr Beale?

Yeah. Mark! Birthday boy's here.

You get me a present!?

How was your day with your dad?

"Happy Birthday, Shaks"?

Sorry... Oi. Come. Say "party".

PARTAAAY!

Yes, right. That should get the traffic going on social media.

Now come, catering.

Courtney, please go to the party with her.

IS this why you asked me over? It'll be lame.

His mum's going to be there.

Louise is too young to be on her own. I don't...

Have you seen this? Shaks posted it five seconds ago.

It's already got 30 likes. Look.

Partaaay!

Someone jealous?

As if. I get enough likes.

Can I go to Stratford?

Dad's given me money for a new dress but he said to ask you first.

Only if Courtney goes with you.

Ohh. Yesssss!

I snogged Danny Stewart at my first party.

Then threw up all over his shoes.

Maybe you'd better put sheets down.

After I've hidden the valuables.

Thanks for letting him have it here.

What with my course and everything, I just...couldn't keep up.

One minute, "no party", next, "our place is too small!"

It's my pleasure. Bit old for balloons, though, ain't he?

He asked for them!

Obviously not in a hurry to grow up after all.

Girls like balloons. They're non-threatening.

It makes them feel more relaxed.

Relaxed girls are more... well...

Oi - have you done your playlists?

Yeah. I've thought about them.

Mark! Did you see how FIT Bex looked the other day?

That's not going to go unnoticed.

Vultures will literally circle.

And I'm talking older guys with cars and real IDs.

So that's why you changed your mind about having a party...

Well, if it's not legit, then I'm going to lose her, not my virginity.

You're putting way too much pressure on this. What's the rush?

Says the guy that comes from the country that invented

doing things quickly. Space race? What is the rush? Arms race?

Let the Russians have it, man.

I don't have any money. How do you know about that stuff?

Because this party's an arms race.

It has to be the best, talked about for years to come.

The party that won Bex.

So this is the new look that everyone's raving about.

Hardly.

Playlists are literally everything.

You get the right songs, in the right order...and you're in.

You coming up to Stratford?

Dad gave me money for a new dress.

No, I'm going to get ready with Stacey.

Oh, it's the birthday boy!

Happy birthday!

Have fun with your dad? Yeah, I got some buff kicks as well.

Aren't you going to say anything about the new look?

I already seen it.

You going to this party?

He's my superstar DJ.

Flown in from America specially.

It's just a party.

I was a teenage boy once. I know what's going on in his head.

Well, you'll just have to trust your daughter, won't you?

Plus Carmel's going anyway and there's a ban on booze. So...

As if you can get alcohol!

Oi! Shush! If you don't want any, then... No, that'd be sick!

Saves me the bother. Maybe this party won't be so bad.

I'll see you guys at seven, yeah? Don't be late.

And how you going to get alcohol?

Hmmm.

How is a 16-year-old boy going to buy drink armed with nothing more

than a 20-year-old mate?

Oi! Get off my stuff!

Roxy said you were sleeping here.

Is a playground appropriate digs for someone in your position?

I take it you ain't registered an address with the police yet?

What do you want?

So now Shaki is her style guide, and I'm out of a job!

What you two saying? You coming to this party tonight?

Depends if Jay can find someone to watch his stuff while we're out.

You are not sleeping here!

A playground?

Bruv, come home.

Before the Old Bill do you for breaching the terms.

Phil won't let me, will he?

He don't care about me, don't care about where I sleep.

Maybe not.

But he cares about me.

It's birthday boy! Hello, birthday boy! Get off, man!

I thought Dad was taking you out today?

He was but he dropped me back early to sort out the party.

Right. Where are these sickeningly expensive trainers he got you, then?

At home. The restaurant was well spenny too.

And we had wine.

Shakil! Ah, just the man.

All right?

I just wanted to give you a little bit of friendly advice

about this party of yours, and there not being any alcohol there.

Right.

If this gets into the wrong hands...

No danger! You can count on me, guv'nor!

That's terrible, that is. Awful, in fact.

No. I mean it. Seriously.

No-one touches this

unless they remember Bill Clinton in the White House.

Good boy.

Mind how you go. Go on.

I swear, Mr Fowler, no booze, on my life.

On your life, then. Cos Rebecca means everything to me.

Remember that.

Look, try to stay calm.

I found him sleeping rough, Dad.

Well, you should have left him to it.

I thought you might say that.

Wait out back, yeah? I won't be long.

Jay...

Don't put too much mascara on...

Shaki's a bit too keen on the new me.

Oh, you're making him wait, though, no?

Yeah. Yeah, but I'm worried he's expecting a big birthday present.

Oh, well, you stand your ground.

I will. I will.

Do you want see what I got him?

Yeah, go on, then.

Oh!

Ohh! Poor Shaki.

You should show that to your dad, that'll put his mind at ease.

Show me what? Nothing. Nothing.

All grown up. Eh? My little girl.

You still going to be calling me that when I'm 30?

And 40. And 50.

Look, behave yourself tonight, yeah?

Will you please just trust me?

I thought we were done for.

Tell me about it.

I feel like Bex's dad can read my mind sometimes.

Erm... What you doing in there?

Borrowing your cologne.

Oi, so Mark, you ever done it?

So what.. you got like the moves?

The secret weapons?

The only thing you need to do at this stage is relax.

The moves come later.

The moves are everything.

I thought the playlist was everything?

It's all everything.

Look, if this party's not good, yeah, then I'm going to die a virgin.

You're 16! You need to chill out.

I literally think about sex every second.

Bex makes such a big deal out of it.

But I just want to get it over with.

Erm, what are these doing in here?

I don't like the colour.

What?! These are expensive!

I would kill for a gift like this from my dad.

Yeah, well, props to you and your dad.

Yes.

I know I'm booked in to see Dr Black next week

but I need to come in sooner.

Yeah, to me it's an emergency, yes.

OK. Tomorrow, half four?

Oh, no, no, no.

No. I've got salsa...

No! It's all right. Ignore me. I'll take that one. Thank you.

Denise. I know it's hard but try to keep calm.

It might be nothing.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just the waiting, you know?

KNOCKING

Oh.

Hello, Mum! You all right? Hello, darling. Come on in.

Thank you. See what we've done.

Kush, tell Denise your brother will be hugely respectful tonight.

Oh, he knows the price of failure.

Have you seen him since his lunch with Dad?

No, why?

He just seems a bit funny. That's all.

He said Dad got him trainers but he didn't put them on.

Oh, no. Has he upset him?

He better not have done.

Dads, eh?

But your son's grieving for Paul.

Can't you just let Jay stay?

He's a nonce.

I ain't letting Jay sleep out alone. It's not safe.

You're going to join him?

Say something.

How can you let your own son sleep rough?!

You can talk! The hell you gave me for lying to you about your dad.

Now you're doing the same to Mark!

I'll stay out of your business, you stay out mine.

Oh, my birthday boy looks so handsome.

All right, Mum! You not wearing your new kicks, then?

Erm, no, I don't want to ruin them.

Was it nice with your dad?

So many questions! Can you please show me these decorations?

Oh, right. Um. Not too many balloons?

Impossible. So, um... you guys going to disappear upstairs now or what...

Disappear!? Oh, no, we'll be mingling, serving snacks.

Yeah, we're...

We're going to dress as waiters! I've got these cute little bow ties.

Waiters?

His face! Don't worry. Don't worry.

I've talked them into going to the pub for a couple. All right? Yeah.

If we hear the slightest peep, we'll be over here in a second.

Best behaviour! I promise. I will keep him in line.

Oh! Now YOU I trust.

Call us if you need us.

Right, see you later.

All right. See you later. Have a good time at the pub, guys.

Have fun. Bye, Mum. Have fun. Bye.

Houston, we've got a party! Oooh, yeah!

It's a bit public, ain't it?

That's the point.

MUSIC PLAYING

Party sounds fun.

Go, if you want.

Nah, wouldn't seem right. With Paul and that. You know?

This is more important, anyway.

I reckon there's just enough pride still left in the old man

that he won't see his son sleep rough.

He'll come.

I mean, Sharon must be giving him hell right now.

You know, Phil's right. I'm a hypocrite.

I was so angry when he kept my dad from me.

Did you a favour, as it turns out.

Well, the truth's always better than a lie.

What about Grant in all this, Ian? He's got a son!

I think we should tell him.

You've got a playlist called Chirpse Volume One?

Look, I told you. It's the right songs in the right order.

Hey, man, can I ask you something?

Bex said she that doesn't want to...

You know.

Not yet.

Tell me you were understanding.

I was like, yeah, fine, whatever.

Not going to show her that I'm fussed, am I?

But then she gets this makeover. And I'm like... Who's that for?

Is it me that she doesn't want to do it with?

Shaks, have you ever wondered that maybe you're not ready either?

I'm 16.

I'm a full-grown adult!

Don't take this the wrong way but you sometimes come across as

a bit of a spoilt kid who always gets what he wants.

A spoilt kid?

I mean, take the box-fresh sneakers you chucked in the garbage...

Yeah, well, maybe don't go through other people's bins.

KNOCKING Last time I ask you for advice.

Hey! Happy Birthday! Again!

Thank you. Come in! We've got the house to ourselves.

We've got ciders.

Thirsty!? Always.

Hey, you. Hey.

You said you were going to be there.

Well, they can't have fun with us there,

Big Brother, watching over them.

Let them grow up, Mart.

What do you know about it?

They're three doors down. If there's a problem, we'll know.

OK.

But I'm going round in half an hour.

Well done. I'm proud of you.

They don't know I got the place surrounded by armed response,

do they?

Well, come on, Kyle's got Lily and Arthur.

We ain't that ancient that we can't have fun, too.

You can trust her, Martin.

It's when kids start lying, that's when you've got a problem.

And Bex don't lie.

Exactly.

It was so nice that she confided in me about Shaki wanting to...

You know.

Felt like sisters.

Shaki wanting to... "you know", what?

All right.

You want to tell him,

let's go round there and we will tell him the truth, OK?

We'll tell him that the... the man who taught him how to ride a bike,

who gave him the chat about the birds and the bees

isn't actually his dad.

You trying to make me feel worse?

Well, it's nothing compared to how he's going to feel when

he meets Grant for the first time. I mean, that is IF he meets Grant.

I mean, let's not assume that Grant will even be interested.

Right. Come on, then. Let's go break up a happy family, let's do it.

No. I don't want to break up a happy family.

Look, as much as you are part of that team, all right,

you wouldn't wish them on anyone, would you?

Right? So he can either go back to sunny Florida...

or he can stay here in cold and miserable London

and let the Mitchells slowly get their claws into him.

She well fancies him.

Bet he's too soft to make a move, though.

Hey, do you want your present? Mm. Close your eyes.

What is it?

I know how much you wanted to wait, so I bought you a chastity bracelet.

Chastity?

What, as in...?

So how long have I got to wear it?

That's not how you play truth or dare!

Everyone, Mark agreed to play truth or dare

but now he's bottling on the question. What did you ask him?

If he fancies me or not.

He won't say.

I fancy you!

Snog! Snog! Snog!

EVERYONE CHANTS

Snog her, then, if you've got the bottle, baldie!

What'd you call me?

I saw the hair replenishing shampoo in your bag, man. Shut up, man!

You should be proud of who you are, baldie. Oh, yeah... nice.

I bet Bex wants to sleep with someone as mature as you.

Oi. Don't get brave, man.

Where is he!? Shakil!

Do you know what you're reading yet? At the funeral...

No. Everything I find just seems too sad or cheesy.

Oh, hello.

Right. Enough of this. Now get back in.

No. Not without Jay. What? You think I won't last till morning?

When your friends and family and customers go walking past,

but I'll still be here. Know why?

I'm burying Paul this week.

One day it'll be you.

Then who I got?

Grant?

Louise?

She's a kid!

Long as I've got him...

..I'll never be on my own.

So, whatever he's done, or hasn't done...

it don't matter to me.

He's my brother.

Well, you can leave them stinking clothes on the doorstep.

He wants knocking out! He's 16!

Was you buying the alcohol, did you?

Could you please leave!?

So it's all right for him to get my daughter drunk

so she'll sleep with him?

Dad! I can look after myself. Shaks ain't like that.

He's exactly like that!

Yeah. No more than any other teenager! Bex included.

You what?

OK. Oh! Martin! Right, I'm not letting you do this. We're leaving.

Come on. Now.

Come on, you as well. Get out the way!

OK.

I think that's the party over, guys.

Thank you. Out you go.

Go on.

Come on.

Thanks for coming.

Well, we got a couple of ciders out at least.

Where did Mark go?

What? Baldie? He ran out as soon as Martin arrived.

Don't call him that.

Does Ben Mitchell live round here?

Who wants to know?

Hope he's OK.

You're not remotely bald!

I'm just paranoid.

Why?

My dad's bald.

Your dad in America?

Yeah, that one.

I know I'm not bald. I'm just not taking any chances.

Hence the caffeine shampoo...

She knows about the shampoo!

Oh. There's a "she" already, is there?

Yeah. Well, I mean, there was, until Shaki opened his mouth.

Look at you, Mark.

You're handsome, charming... Any girl'd be lucky to have you.

Ignore Shakil. He's a kid.

You go get her, yeah?

Where did you get the alcohol?

Baldie got it.

Mark.

Which isn't even illegal!

Yes, but that's not the point, though, is it, mate?

We promised Martin.

Yeah, obviously we was going to get drinks for the party!

Wouldn't you?

What about this sex business?

Mum! We're not doing this now.

Do you talk to your dad about it?

Well, someone's got to give you the sex talk.

Kush?

What, now?

OK, um...

About now, you should start noticing, you know, a few changes...

Is that a chastity bracelet?

Oh... Kill me now!

We all know what it's like.

Everyone's saying they've done it...

although no-one can quite say who with or when.

..and you feel this pressure, so you do it.

And before you know it, you're down the clinic

with a face full of shame.

Or worse, pregnant.

Mum!

You can't say "Mum" about this.

I'm not nagging you about picking up your clothes!

You want to do adult things,

you have to be able to have an adult conversation!

Have you actually...? You know...

Have you done it?

Well, I'm wearing a chastity bracelet, so what do you think?

Look. I already told her that I would wait.

As long as she wants to.

Then go and tell Martin that.

Come on.

He's not that scary.

You ain't seeing him again.

As if he'll want anything to do with me now!

I thought I could trust you.

You can!

I thought your dad was grown-up enough to handle it.

I ain't done nothing wrong.

Apart from make sure that she never confides in me or you ever again?

Of course she will. I'm her dad.

And she's your little girl, ain't she?

BUZZER And every time you call her that,

you make sure that she stays that way.

How does that prepare either of you for adult life?

I guess it doesn't.

DOOR CLOSES

Bex...

It's Shaki.

Sorry to interrupt, Mr Fowler.

Go to my room, Bex.

Now.

(I'm sorry.)

Look, um, I know you don't trust me...

and I know why.

You're half right, and half wrong,

cos yes, I've had some thoughts...

But I'm a 16-year-old boy, like, wouldn't it be weird if I didn't?

Yes. It would.

I just wish we could get on...

..cos I like her.

A lot.

Shouldn't that make us mates?

Ain't that simple.

I'm her dad.

And it is my job to protect her.

Just like your dad would for you.

My dad wouldn't even cancel a meeting.

You're not supposed to expect much from dads these days.

Least they could do is turn up.

Not send a PA with a pair of trainers and an apology.

Bex said that your dad took you out for a posh lunch...

I'm sorry.

It's all right, man.

We can't all have a dad like you.

You don't want a dad like me.

I would kill for a dad like you.

Could you give us a minute?

Your, um...

Does your dad ever talk to you about stuff like this?

You know, sex and that?

Your brother?

No.

I mean, he tried but it was just awks.

You know, um...

Your first time, Shakil, can affect you.

You know, can't wait to have sex,

you know, become a man.

But see, that's a problem.

Because you can protect against STIs and pregnancy, but...

..what stays with you is how it makes you feel.

You know? Become a man in a way that, years on, makes you proud.

Yeah? Not some drunken fumble.

You know? Everyone does that.

You know, something decent.

Respectful.

You know, I'm not just saying this because Bex is my daughter.

I'm saying this because...

..no-one told me.

I think I'd rather they drank booze than all this fizzy pop!

Can we sort of just call it a night now, actually?

I've got a really early start at work tomorrow.

Yeah, but then we've got to sort out the outfits for Kim's salsa,

decorate the Community Centre.

Best tidy up now.

I'll, er...

I'll see you at home, Mum.

Oh, OK.

Oh, Carmel!

What have you done!

It's fine.

What's this?

A pregnancy test? Oh, no.

Must be one of the girls.

I am calling Shaki!

If this is Bex, Martin is going to kill him.

No! No! No...

OK? It's...

It's for me. It's mine. OK?

I'm pregnant.

Oh.

You're back early.

Yeah, well, being on gooseberry duty didn't exactly appeal.

I'm so sick of not having a boyfriend, it's untrue.

Where's Courtney?

Getting off with Mark round Martin and Stacey's.

BUZZER

Bex, look, I'm sorry I ruined your party,

and nearly decked your boyfriend.

I found some more guests.

Afraid most people blended.

I'm still watching you.

Martin.

You just enjoy yourselves and finish the party. Come on.

Look, I'm sorry, man.

You're not even receding.

Well, if it worked for Bruce Willis...

And, erm...

it's a yes by the way.

To your truth or dare.

I do.

I don't know, Ian.

I didn't ask her the precise details. Just get out here now!

Yeah?

Found them.

I made her go.

She didn't want to, but I made her chaperone Louise.

Yeah. Not to mention telling him to go after her.

I'll deal with it.

You don't have to wear that, you know.

I reckon it kind of suits me. No?

Sorry about your party.

Are you kidding?

We was gate-crashed.

There was nearly a fight.

I knew it was going to be legendary.

So you, um, you still want to go out with me, then?

Right. Courtney and Mark! Where are they?

They went out ages ago to "get drinks." I wouldn't wait up.

Looks like Mark is about to get the sex talk, too.

You're not even safe in your twenties, you know!

Of course I want to still go out with you - you crack me up.

What a night.

Eh?

You OK?

We have to watch Denise. She needs our support.

You won't tell anyone?

She's pregnant.

Denise.

Right.

And she won't say.

Which means it's probably someone we know...

Hello, I'm Elaine Dunkley, with your 90-second update.

Junior doctors in England have announced another series of strikes.

They say they'll call them off if the Government backs down