02/09/2016 EastEnders

Right, let's, um...

let's get this banner up and then I can, um,

start shifting these tables.

There is help arriving soon, so it's going to be OK.

I hate salsa.

Everything's going to be...OK.

MARK GROANS Did I throw up on you last night?

Yeah, right before I went in for the kiss. Yeah.

What the... Oi! What you doing in here?!

Here! Dot, Dot, Dot! You wanted to see me?

I'm ever so sorry, Patrick, but I shan't be dancing.

You all right? Well, I come over all queer in the launderette.

I think it's the flu.

So, I'm afraid you'll have to find yourself another partner.

Dot, it's probably nerves, man.

Nothing that a glass of sherry won't cure!

LAUGHTER

Dot... Dot, Dot! Come now, man!

We only have about three hours left before the show.

The thing is, Les, I ain't come up with nothing.

Thought maybe you had some ideas.

Oh. Yeah, OK.

All right, we'll speak later. Sorry, sorry.

You OK?

It finally wakes.

Yeah. Didn't sleep much while I was out there.

Listen, thanks for letting me stay, Phil.

No, you didn't! The window was open! OMG, what happened to you?

Dad, Jay just said something to you. Where were you?

Don't just ignore him. Courtney. Where have you been?

We ended up in town.

We didn't have any keys, so we just sort of...

Who? Me and Mark.

And we didn't want to wake anyone so we just, sort of,

wandered round, talking.

Oh, talking? Yeah, all right!

And the window of the Community Centre was open, so...

So you ended up on the floor of the Community Centre

with a transatlantic fitty. No, you never!

You grass! I'm too hanging for this.

I'm borrowing your bed. Can't face the walk of shame?

Jay just said thanks for letting him stay.

Yeah, and I said he could. I didn't say I'd be happy about it.

I'll go and have a word with her.

Just hope nothing happened.

Right, before this descends into open warfare,

I just came over to get Ricky's birthday present.

I'm not having this.

Ben, don't worry about it!

It was his idea to come back here. I didn't even want to.

I'm off round Bex's.

Sharon, can I just have the presents, please?

Yeah, here. Thanks.

This is priceless!

Yeah. He's probably booked himself on the next flight home.

Dad, he can stay, though, right? Come on, he's back home.

And nothing...happened, right?

Does puking all down him count?

Well, me and you's going to talk about drinking later, OK?

In the meantime, do me a favour.

Don't say anything to Sharon about this, yeah?

He's here, ain't he?

But you're going to make life as difficult as possible.

Looking forward to seeing you strut your stuff at the salsa later, mate!

All right, Les?

Les, you OK, mate? What? Oh, yeah. Cup of coffee, please.

Oh... I've got this, I've got this. It's fine.

Sit down. Go on, have a seat.

There you go. Yeah, sorry.

So, er, it's the funeral soon, right? Yeah.

Everything in order?

Pam won't speak.

I need to choose a reading.

It's not my precinct. I'm the organiser.

All the...heart, that's her.

But, you know, last day or two, she won't speak.

But Paul liked music, right? Maybe...maybe some lyrics?

His favourite song?

That's a good idea. Thanks. Yeah.

It is odd.

You make a living from death, still, it can rear up at you.

I'll savour every day I have left with Pam.

You do the same with you and yours, won't you?

Er...ah!

Maybe we should just pull out.

Of the show? Why?

We're meant to be simpatico, Denise. Move as one.

We can't even set out a row of chairs.

Yeah, maybe we just need to communicate better.

What, like you tell me who the father is?

Ladies, we start at half four. All right?

Now there's ten couples. One dance each.

Now, couples are...

you two, Patrick and Dot, Masood and...

Scratch Patrick and Dot. Dot's pulled out.

And Patrick's really gutted, poor thing. Aw!

You are kidding me, right?

You OK, love?

Shouldn't Kim be doing all of this, anyway?

Kim wants to cancel the whole thing. Says it's a stupid idea.

And now there's no Patrick and Dot, or...

So, what, you think we should cancel?

No! No, no, no, no.

She's just nervous and doesn't want to admit it,

and, um, I'm going to get her here.

Look, I'm sorry if I've been a bit stressed,

but you guys are doing a great job, right?

All right? Where's Kim? I need to get this food set up

and I need to get back to the restaurant.

Perfect. Sandwiches go over there.

Oh, to have a fella like him!

How'd she manage before he came along? Chaotically.

SHE LAUGHS

MOBILE RINGS

Hi, Sharon.

Oh, she's back?

All right, all right, calm down. Calm down.

What do you think you're doing? Loitering in your underwear?

I didn't have a key and I couldn't get through to anyone on this, so...

My shirt is... You don't want to know. It's a mess.

Are you Michelle's son? Mark? You know Mum?

From her pram.

Here, you better come with me.

I'll get that mark off, you know, in next to no time.

No, no, no honestly, it's no...

Look, what do you think Michelle would think had become of us

if we left her son and heir to catch his death shivering by the dustbin.

Come on.

You don't want me here either, do you?

Not everything's about you, Jay.

What's he doing up there?

How comes you two are more bothered about Courtney's love life

than this family?

Come on, bruv. Let's go.

You've been ages. What she say?

Couldn't get a word out of her, but they was there all night.

Drunk.

DOOR OPENS

Right, are we certain something happened?

Well, it's looking likely.

Well, we're going to have to come clean, then? Tell Mark he's just...

You should just tell him what I said we should do from the off.

Send him home.

PHONE RINGS

The white vinegar will take this stain out your shirt, Mark,

don't you worry.

But I'd advise abstinence,

rather than white vinegar in the case of hangovers.

Hello? Oh, you got my message.

No, I can't tell you what the emergency is,

but you should contact Patrick urgently.

Goodbye, Claudette. Goodbye.

SHE LAUGHS

LOUD SALSA MUSIC

How does it sound out there?

Can you turn it down a bit?

What?

Great!

Come here.

Do you remember our first dance?

We just assumed the roles, didn't we?

You the male, me the female.

I hadn't noticed.

I suppose we divided it up that way because, well,

I'm the emotional one.

In touch with my feelings. Able to express myself. Whereas you...

You bottle it all up. Like a bloke.

Right. We are set.

I'm going to go get your sister.

Wish me luck!

THEY LAUGH

Here you go. Come here.

Oh!

Look, I know none of this was meant to happen.

But you can't hide from babies.

They get bigger. People will notice.

Like the dad. Who is he, Denise?

Ladies, no hard feelings when we

show you up in front of a packed house, OK?

It's Masood isn't it? It is, isn't it?

That's why you won't say!

No...no. Look, it was just a one-night stand, OK?

It was with a total stranger.

All that talk we had at the party about precautions and

look at me, knocked up at 47!

Can you imagine what people are going to say?

I can barely even remember his name.

Donna's watching the stall, so I've got an hour.

You still need help, or you managing OK on your own?

What's all this fuss and nonsense about an emergency?

Dorothy says disaster's looming! Oh, it's already loomed.

She quit the salsa show.

And on what planet is that an emergency?

Look, man, all I know is that I wasted weeks practising

and dreaming of glory.

It's at the Community Centre.

The way you're all carrying on,

anyone would think it was the dance event of the century.

OK, I'll do it,

but only if you ask.

Clearly, this was Dorothy's intention,

so...I'll be your dance partner.

But only if you ask.

WHISPERING: Stop acting funny. She'll guess I told you.

How's she been? Won't say a word.

She seemed less worried when she thought it was cancer.

Maybe I should have a go. Why would she talk to you?

Feeling confident? No...no last-minute nerves?

Give me 20 minutes, I'll be hiding in the loos.

And, er...is everything OK?

You've seemed a little off the last few days.

I'm fine.

Yeah?

Yes.

Denise! I need your help. She won't come.

Come.

Maybe it's not worth it, me staying back at Phil's.

What you going to do, go back to the playground?

You have to give the police an address, Jay.

But he hates me. He's only letting me stay to keep you there.

He'll come round.

Sharon's being off with me. Louise is being weird.

I appreciate you trying,

but I think I'm just going to go to my grandad's.

Ah, just the man.

I think I might have found you a reading for tomorrow.

The Parting Glass.

Yeah. I think the lyrics, well, this line,

"All the comrades that e'er I had, they're sorry for my going away

"And all the sweethearts that e'er I've had

"they'd wish me one more day to stay."

How's Pam doing?

Oh, I'm trying to get her out to this salsa event later.

She likes to dance.

Might get her talking.

The lyrics are spot on, Les. Spot on.

I don't know if I can do this.

Jay, please stay for the funeral.

As if I'd let you do a thing like that on your own.

See, that's why we can't just give up.

Right there.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I want to see Arthur. Oi.

I am his dad. I've a right.

Well, yeah, of course you do, but I've just put him down.

Oh... What's happened?

But if... Say no-one comes?

It was just a dream.

Yeah, but say it was a premonition,

and there's rows and rows of empty chairs?

Just get in there. Go on.

You better have an audience.

I got some traders to close up early.

Oh!

Babe!

I guess word got out!

SHE GIGGLES

SHE SQUEALS

You won't find a louder, prouder, more independent woman than me.

But sometimes men do their job.

Let the dad help. Whoever he is.

It really got to me.

Um, something Martin said yesterday.

What would I know about bringing up a kid?

Oh, just ignore him. He was just mad at Shaks.

There we go. Cheers, thank you.

Is this, um, is this about Zaair?

It's been a year, hasn't it?

Yeah.

But no, it's not. Well...

Ha, kind of. Er...

I've got Denise pregnant.

Mum found a positive test

but, obviously, Denise doesn't seem to want me to know about it.

Oh, what, are you two a thing now?

No, no.

So how do you know it's even yours?

Denise isn't like that.

Well, she was with you.

We used protection. Obviously it didn't work, did it?

Spare me the details!

She's probably just...

I don't know, waiting till she sees the doctor,

to get it all confirmed.

Or...

..she doesn't think I'm father material, like Martin.

And you and everyone.

No-one thinks that, Kush.

It's early days. She's probably just confused and, and worried.

Just tell her you know. It's too important to play games.

If he don't give the police an address, he'll wind up inside.

We're the only people he's got.

Now, you took him on, Dad.

Years back. You have a duty.

And I said he could stay.

Yes, but it's not enough just to be here.

No? Like when you give a tramp a sandwich and he says,

"I don't like tuna"?

He ain't staying where he's not wanted.

Has anyone seen my purse?

Well, he ain't wanted, not by me. And not by Sharon.

Look, I haven't got time to be dragged into this.

I need my credit card.

And Louise can barely look at you.

What is this really about? What, you sick of being the bad guy?

You want Jay to have the job for a bit? Don't be stupid.

But you must care about him!

I can barely look at him cos I ruined his life, Dad!

Not because I don't want him to stay.

SALSA MUSIC

We used to be like that, Les.

And we will again, Birdie. I promise.

CHEERING

CHEERING AND CHATTER

Right, the expiry date is zero seven, 19.

Linzi never told him her real age.

I ain't interested. Please, just listen to me!

Leave it, Louise. There's no point.

Grant'll put you up.

Why would Grant take on a nonce, eh?

He's got a daughter of his own, remember.

All right, Ian. I'm coming over now. He ain't a nonce.

Then why is he on the register? Oh, Phil, enough!

You shouldn't be getting this angry in your condition.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't be getting angry if I weren't forced

into having a wrong 'un wrapped around my daughter.

But I came on to him, Dad! Not the other way round.

Jay rejected me.

Do you know what nonce stands for? "Not of normal criminal element".

So where does that leave you with this family, eh?

Other than not welcome?

CHEERING

I'm sorry, you know. For Babe.

I shouldn't have doubted you.

After that dance, all is forgiven.

Listen, I've got to get to that doctor's appointment.

Tell Vincent to put us last, yeah?

Course, I'll come. No, I'm going alone.

Oh.

When you're ready to talk, I'm here.

Yeah.

OK! So, next up we have Masood and Natalie. Show time!

APPLAUSE

I didn't mean what I said earlier about Denise.

It's just, it's a bit weird.

Why, cos she's older?

No. No, no. Just...

Well, because Arthur's going to have a little brother or sister.

And...cos of us.

There isn't an us.

Kush, when you have a baby with someone there's always an us,

which is why I think you should go after her.

Go on.

LAUGHTER

Here you are. Thanks for stumping up for me, Shaz.

I'll pay you as and when I can, yeah?

Don't worry about it. How are we going to tell him? DOOR KNOCKS

Come on in, Mark. I'm sorry I'm late home. What a night!

Hey, Sharon.

Mark. You will not believe what happened.

Er, we need to talk to you about something.

Yeah, yeah, we've got some good news. You're going home!

What are you doing here?

I've got an appointment.

Just a routine check-up.

You?

Yeah, yeah, just routine.

Yeah?

Are you going to stop being funny with me?

Are you going to tell me you're pregnant?

Oh, God. Your mum told you.

Yes. Yes, she did, OK? But she doesn't know it's me.

She, she, she needed to off-load. I think she's worried.

She's never going to forgive us.

Denise Fox to room seven.

I'd stick around, you know.

I'm just...saying, if that's a worry,

you thinking you wouldn't see me for dust. Cos I'd be a good dad.

With support. Financial help. You would not be alone.

Even if me and you weren't together.

Yeah. I'd be a good dad.

Tomorrow? Yeah.

Yeah, it's just we've got too much on and, well,

your mum wants you back.

Yeah, and your dad. Your dad, he misses you a lot.

Yeah! Yeah, your dad. They both want you home.

I mean, not that we haven't enjoyed having you here.

You've been so generous.

I met Dot today. Told me about Grandma.

Yeah? You've been hanging out with Dot?

Courtney, too, last night.

Well, yeah, I don't think we need all the details, do we?

Oh, it was nothing like that.

It's so rare to just meet someone you can talk to, all night.

Just talk?

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to kiss her. But...

But?

She puked all down my shirt, and my T-shirt. Ruined!

Dot washed it out for me. Oh! Good old Dot!

Yeah, she's a gem, isn't she?

So, um, what happened afterwards?

Did you just...fall asleep?

Yeah. It's the strangest thing.

Anyway, I should go pack. No, Mark, what is it?

HE EXHALES

This place.

Like, I never met her before but...Courtney got me.

I've lived in Florida my whole life but Walford just feels...

Mark, if you don't want to go...

I'm sure you'll get back into the swing of things soon enough.

I just...I can't believe it.

It's so humiliating, you know, at my age.

Can you imagine me down the antenatal class?

They'll be like, "Sorry, dear, the crochet class is next door."

It's increasingly common for people your age to have babies.

Aw... And my daughters are going to kill me.

I don't know how I'm going to tell my Libby.

Can you remember your last period?

Sorry, you don't think there's anything

that I've got to worry about, do you?

It's just, what with the spotting and the cramps...

They don't necessarily indicate problems.

Let's get you up on the table, have a look. OK.

Sorry!

I'm just, you know, I'm all over the place.

One minute I'm dying of shame, and the next

I'm worried about whether or not it's going to be healthy.

I haven't really decided what I'm going to do yet.

Anyway, I guess there's still time, because I'm only two weeks gone.

Two weeks? Mmm.

Oh, sorry - my periods started going funny, I think,

sort of last spring and I just thought,

"Oh, here we go", you know, "it's the change."

So it was a real shock, you know, when...

You think I'm more than two weeks, don't you?

Your uterus has moved into the abdomen and, well,

I'd say you're 18 to 19 weeks, at least.

19 weeks!

But that's not possible, because...

..that would mean that the father...

SHE GASPS

Oh, no!

Oh, no, no!

Come on. Up. Tea's ready.

Sorry about last night. You won't tell Dad, will you?

Oh, so that's why you're sorry.

Looking good!

How did Bex get on last night?

Her and Shakil are like properly in love now,

because he's like sooooo mature.

Jay's getting ready to leave.

So they sent you up to have another go, did they?

DOORBELL

Hey, whoever it is can wait.

Let's give Louise a chance.

I was jealous of Linzi.

I made the move. He weren't interested.

I don't believe you.

Maybe we should ask Grant, then.

Ask Dad what? If he'd take Jay on.

He wouldn't even take me on. DOORBELL

Ben! Get the door, will you? No-one is going to call Grant, all right?

Why, you embarrassed? DOORBELL

Course I ain't embarrassed!? Ben, get the door, will you?

Yeah, all right! I heard you the first time!

COMMOTION

Get off! Get off me!

Shut the door! Keep the door shut!

Call the police. No.

RINGING TONE

Dad, pick up!

SHOUTING

I told you, I don't need any help. And I told you, you've got it.

Leopard changed its spots, has it?

Come on, then!

Grant, what you doing?!

Phil!

Bring my boy back.

Please.

In the end, Mitchells always stick together.

One day to...