01/01/2017 EastEnders

THEY BLOW PARTY HORNS

THEY LAUGH

Jack!

Oh, not so loud, Mick.

Liven yourself up, Teen,

we're all feeling a bit fragile all right, this morning.

I ain't fragile. I'm broken.

You'll survive. I, on the other hand won't,

if I don't get Jack to this wedding, all right?

Cos Ronnie will string me up.

Ain't seen the groom knocking about, have you?

Ain't seen no-one.

Not surprised after last night.

What a party.

-There's someone in the lavvy.

-Yeah, who?

I don't know, I tried to get in there earlier -

they were flat out against the door.

That's Shirl.

Tried getting in myself first thing, got a right mouthful.

Oh, talk of the devil. Bacon bap?

What a beautiful start to a wedding day, eh?

Sorry, Martin's been throwing up half the night.

He hasn't got a bug, has he?

-Not today of all days.

-No, a dodgy pint he reckons.

Nothing to do with the other 18,

it'll be a miracle if he makes it to the reception.

All right? Everything all set?

Well, Amy certainly is. She's been dressed since six.

Yeah, and Ricky's bouncing about like a mad thing too.

Happy Birthday, mate!

Here you go.

Oh, what's that you've got there?

A chainsaw. From Billy.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, well, apart from that lot, we've only got one problem.

Oh, is Roxy not here yet?

No, never mind Roxy,

the bride's not here.

Yeah. I've been looking everywhere.

She's gone.

CHURCH BELLS CHIME

Isn't it bad luck to see each other before the wedding?

I think we used all that up six years ago.

I wasn't going to come today,

I've got about 101 things to do, but I just...

Couldn't stay away?

Same here.

Is Sharon here?

-She's getting Ricky ready.

-Jay?

-The hospital's been on.

Hm. Better late than never, I suppose.

I feel like one of the living dead.

I tell ya, whoever decided to have a wedding on New Year's

weren't thinking about the photos.

I'm not going to the wedding.

-What?!

-Roxy?

-In here.

Is that Glenda?

-Ben.

-We're just getting a few things and then we'll be off.

-Mick. Still no sign of Jack?

-No. No Ronnie neither?

-No.

-I mean you've tried his phone, yeah?

-Yeah, it just keeps going

to voicemail, I just don't know what to do.

-Oh, I know.

-Hold up. Oh, here they are!

-Relax!

-Relax?!

Where have you been and what are you playing at?

Right, I'll see you later at the hotel.

None of that caper, come on,

-not till you've made an honest woman of her.

-Oi!

What are you looking at me like that for? We're here now.

Yes. Yes, well, you may be, but Phil won't.

-Why not?

-The hospital won't let him.

Is he OK?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's fine, it's just doctor's orders.

Yeah, that ain't the only problem neither.

-This the lot?

-Yeah.

-What are you two doing here?

-Morning, Veronica.

Congratulations by the way, sis.

Our invites get lost in the post, did they?

It's not going to work.

What?

Me, you, Jack, Ongar, ain't going to happen, all right?

-I'm going home with Mum and Danny.

-No, you're not.

You're not going anywhere until you tell me

what the hell you're playing at!

Never liked weddings anyway.

We'll bring you some cake back.

Never liked cake neither.

The doctors said this might happen.

Up here you've conquered death,

but you can't even get out of bed, Phil.

You've just had a huge operation, darling.

It's not just me though, is it, who's going to give Ronnie away now?

Well, we'll think of something.

There's something else you're going to have to sort out and all.

Why can't Tracey look after Ollie?

Cos she's looking after the bar.

-And you're looking after Sylvie anyway, so...

-Since when?

Who else is going to do it? we're all going to the wedding.

-TINA:

-Shirley's bringing her over.

Not until I've lined my stomach, I'm not.

JACK: Here you are.

What do you reckon?

'Oh, I would.'

I definitely would. What do you reckon, Teen, would you?

DOG BARKS

Even the dog agrees, look. Talking of dogs - hair of...?

-Right, it's here.

-'What is?'

Come on. 'Hold up.'

This is her doing, I take it? The Wicked Witch of the West.

It's nothing to do with Mum, OK?

-RONNIE SIGHS

-Look, if this is about

the other day - if it's about the kids -

I told you...

It's nothing to do with that either.

Well, what is it then?

I'm thinking of you. OK, this... RONNIE SNORTS

This is for the best.

You not being there on my wedding day, how do you work that one out?

You said it yourself. Your day.

You and Jack, the man you're marrying.

-The man you're moving to Essex with.

-Yeah, and that's going to work too.

-Yeah, so you keep telling me.

-Because I mean it.

But have you actually told him yet?

I will.

Because he took it so well the last time,

what makes you think this time's going to be any different?

He just needs time to get used to the idea.

Please, Roxy. Please don't do this to me.

It's you I'm thinking of, OK? It's you.

I need you.

You won't even notice if I'm not there, OK?

The amount of people that are going to be there...

-Phil can't give me away.

-What?

I got word from the hospital. All right?

It's going to be too much for him, it's too soon.

I want you to do it for me.

I want you to give me away instead.

Ron...

Who else would I ask?

Who else would I want to ask? You're my sister.

Everything all right?

Mum and Danny are here now.

-That's fine, they can come too.

-What?

What do you say?

Please, please, please, Roxy, please.

OK. OK.

-OK, what?

-I'm...I'm giving Ronnie away.

-But...

-Mum, please just leave it, all right? I'm doing it.

-Rox...

Leave it!

Bus will do, won't it?

Bar upstairs.

It's a shame we've got to go in your ropey haddock, to be fair.

Sweet though, ain't it?

Mate, it's better than sweet.

Good. Cos I thought you might be having second thoughts.

You're joking.

You know, you going Awol this morning.

Yeah, well that was something else.

What the...?

-Here, she's coming now.

-Good job too.

It's going to take us hours to get her into that dress.

Yeah, well, her mum's with her, so maybe she can help.

-Glenda?

-Yeah. And some young man as well.

Since when was that trollop invited to the wedding?

I dunno. Maybe it was Jack's idea or something.

Maybe that's what they were sorting out earlier on.

You mean, Jack saw Ronnie this morning?

Yeah, that's where she was.

Oh, that's bad luck, ain't it?

Oh, no, it's a superstition.

No, it's not. It's flaunting fate.

Well, I saw Martin on the morning of our wedding.

No good ever comes of it, you mark my words.

-Is there a problem?

-No, there's no problem.

It's just a couple of late guests.

-Ron, they're hardly guests, are they?

-It's fine, Jack.

Is this Roxy's doing?

No, I invited them. Just trust me.

Haven't you got a wedding to go to?

Come on through.

-Hi.

-Hi.

Aw, this is nice.

Don't think we've met. I'm Honey.

Danny.

Oh, your brother.

Aw, this is a real family reunion, isn't it?

-Sort of family anyway.

-Did you say something?

Wrong side of the blanket.

Champagne?

I'm going to go and get ready.

Wish I could.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, I'm not exactly dressed for a wedding, am I?

-She'd look like a tart whatever she was dressed in.

-Excuse me?

-Why don't we go check on Matthew...

-I said, "You'd look like a tart

"whatever you were dressed in." OK?

-Stacey.

-I'll put the kettle on.

Don't worry, you look fine.

And we'll find you a buttonhole and you'll look fine too.

-GLENDA:

-Roxy told us about your plans, you know.

-DANNY:

-Moving to Ongar. Her getting a place nearby.

And why is that any of your business?

-Haven't told Jack though, have you?

-Way to start a marriage.

It's about trust, isn't it? Husband and wife?

And you're lying before he's even got the ring on your finger.

Are you seriously giving me relationship advice?

Take it from one who knows,

mine and your father's marriage was based on nothing but lies.

Yeah, the day I start listening to you will be my last.

-Ron.

-Hm.

-Your hair.

-Hm?

-Your hair.

-Oh.

Behave yourselves up there, kids.

It's probably a little last minute thing.

You know what birds are like.

Look, it don't matter who's here.

This is your wedding, Jack, yours and Ronnie's. All right?

No-one else's. OK?

Oi! Sandy...

What do you reckon, Bill? You like it?

Yeah, yeah. It's similar to the one they had before, ain't it?

What are you talking about, the one they had before?

The last time they got married, Ronnie and Jack,

they had one like that.

Did he not tell you?

No? I need to see Dot....

Jack, I was just talking to Billy,

he said something about the bus last time...what?

No, it's perfect. Everything's perfect mate.

We've got a wedding to get to, ain't we?

-Come on, let's have it.

-Well, come on then.

-Come on then.

-Come on!

Come on then. Let's get you married. Let's get him married.

-Let's get married!

-Come on then! Oh!

Aw, it's lovely, ain't it?

What is?

All that out there.

Coffee in there, please Kathy.

Just looks like a tarted-up old bus to me.

It's not just the bus. Everything. I dunno.

I always do go mushy when I see that kind of thing.

You know what they say, once bitten, twice shy.

-Once?

-Look at the pot calling the kettle.

And this time of year too. New Year. New start.

Everything to look forward to.

And they're not the only ones neither.

Thanks, darling.

Come here.

-Roxy...

-Don't. Just don't.

I don't want to talk about anything, OK?

-OK.

-Not any more.

Hey.

You going to wear this?

Yeah, of course.

There you go.

Ronnie! You have got to see this.

-Look at you.

-What is it?

-It's just pulled up.

-What has?

A surprise, from Phil.

-Well, come on!

-THEY LAUGH

Oh! Oh! Wow!

She already had a car.

-Yeah, not one like this though.

-More money than sense.

-It's just like that film, isn't it?

-What film?

You know, the one with two women.

Oh, well that narrows it down a bit.

Thelma and Louise.

You're kidding - you know how that ended?

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Oh, just look at her.

RONNIE GASPS What do you think?

Our cousin's a big softie, isn't he?

Right, let's get you wed. Come on.

Where's Sharon? Give us a sec.

-Sharon?

-Yeah, I'm coming!

So, has this thing got sat nav?

No.

So we can take a few detours then.

-Come on then.

-See you later!

-ENGINE REVS LOUDLY

-Whoo!

Get out the way!

Blimey, it's like something out of a fairytale, isn't it?

-Grimm.

-Ha. Hilarious.

Lee, get your dad one.

You sure you're sweet?

We visited James' grave today.

I mean, it weren't planned or anything.

It was just one of them things.

I didn't think we'd ever get over it.

But look at us now.

Just goes to show, no matter how hard things get,

there can still be good things round the corner, mate.

That's the spirit, son.

-Dad. Dad.

-Oh, good boy.

Hey.

Ain't you two supposed to be at a wedding?

Well, we couldn't not see our favourite cousin, could we?

No, it wouldn't be the same.

Listen, the nurse said that we can't stay too long

and the car is causing chaos outside.

Thank you so much.

I'm sorry I've let you down.

You've never let me down.

You look amazing.

-Oi!

-Both of you.

You are such a softie.

-Come on, let's have a picture.

-Yeah.

Here we go... One, two, three.

Sweet, mate.

Cop that, I know I needed one on my wedding day.

Just the one though, settle the nerves, hey?

Don't want to send you into a coma. Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Have you spoke to Mum yet?

She rung this morning and about ten times since.

Aw. Did she like the present you got her?

Well, she should do, it's the same one she got me.

Must be weird not having her here.

Yeah, we're here, ain't we? Me and Whit.

Cheers for depressing me even more.

I'm joking - come here, look, come here.

I dunno what I'd do without yous.

# Those fingers in my hair

# That sly come-hither stare... #

-Look!

-# That strips my conscience bare

# It's witchcraft... #

-Ready?

-Yeah.

# And I've got no defence for it

# The heat is too intense for it

# What good would common sense for it do? #

Roxy, look at it, it's perfect.

-You OK?

-Yeah. This dress.

What's wrong with it?

I think...I think my boobs are going to come out.

It's not like anyone's going to notice.

Oh, cheers, Ron!

SHE CLEARS THROAT

STRING MUSICIANS PLAY

I knew he was minted, but this place.

And all these punters to pay for.

Put your tongue back in.

You're practically panting.

OK, she's ready.

Right, ladies and gentlemen,

can you start making your way into the ceremony room, please?

This wedding is about to start.

Come on.

-I don't believe this.

-Oh, you know what? Very funny.

-No, I don't... No.

-Shut up.

-Just trying to help you relax.

-By winding me up?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-All right, calm down.

You ready?

It's supposed to be me who gets emotional, remember?

What?

Mum was right.

What are you talking about?

This is supposed to be what you said - perfect, you and Jack,

the start of your brand-new life together.

And look at you, you're lying to him before you've even said, "I do."

-Roxy.

-It's not supposed to be like this.

You're marrying Prince Charming and you're supposed

to stand up there next to him with no lies, no secrets,

everything out in the open - and you're not.

And it's because of me.

The music's about to start.

We'll talk about this later, OK?

No.

What do you mean no?

Ron, I know this is going to hurt you.

But I can't...I can't and I won't...

I will not ruin this for you.

It's a woman's prerogative to make you sweat.

Yeah, well it's working, mate.

It's tradition.

GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS

Why is she on her own?

Ronnie...

Where's Roxy?

RONNIE SOBS

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I can't do this. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, excuse me.

RONNIE SOBS

SHE SOBS LOUDLY

Roxy?

Go back in, Ronnie.

-ENGINE STARTS

-Go back in there

and you get married and you get on with the rest of your life!

Right, does someone want to tell me what the hell is happening here?

What's happening, mate?

-I don't know.

-You're the best man.

Yeah, all right, what am I? Dynamo?

Well, obviously, something's happened, innit?

-Ten out of ten for Columbo(!)

-BILLY TUTS

I said they should never have seen each other before the wedding.

I quite agree. Here, if this here wedding ain't going ahead, I'm off.

Cos Ethel'll be fretting.

Ethel? She's dead, in't she?

-Are you losing your marbles or something?

-No, no!

Not my friend! No, she's my stray cat.

But Abi says she's a boy.

I suppose I could...

I could call her Ethel Esquire.

Anyway, I'm going to slip out the side door.

Catch you later, maybe. Cheeri-pip!

Hopefully, there's a padded ambulance waiting for you and all.

How many more times?! This is nothing to do with Mum.

So what is it?

Ronnie, tell him.

Ronnie! It's not fair!

Tell me what?

I want Roxy to move to Ongar with us.

I want her to get a place nearby.

-MICK:

-I'm not Uri Geller!

-I'm not asking you to bend spoons!

-Just find out what's happening.

-How? I'm not a fly on the wall either.

Anyway, you're meant to be her mother, ain't you?

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-Last person she'd speak to!

L, hello, darling.

Yeah, um...

Oh, Tina had to take Shirley home, she was spewing her guts up.

And then... Oh, the bride? Yeah, she looked beautiful.

Um, and then she had it on her toes in tears, but I don't really know...

I don't believe this!

Lee, give us your blower - I've run out of juice.

Ta.

Look, we've already talked about this.

-I know.

-And what? You're just going to ignore everything I've said?

-Don't you see? This is impossible.

-No, it's not.

I'm giving you what you want - a fresh start, a clean slate.

But that's not what I want!

Look, we agreed, this is what was best for all of us, moving forward.

I'm not turning my back on moving away.

But?

But I'm not walking away from my sister.

HE SIGHS

Look, Ron, we've all got families.

Why did you go to the graveyard this morning?

-What's that got to do with anything?

-Seriously, why did you go?

HE SIGHS LOUDLY Because he's a part of you.

James is a part of your life and you just...you can't get away from it.

-But that's the same as me and Roxy.

-Ron, you don't have to do this.

But that's exactly the point - I do!

I can't turn my back on who I am and that's what scares me!

But you're a part of who I am as well.

Look, I love you. Please don't do this to me.

Please don't make me choose.

Jack, Ron, I really don't want to intrude, but, um...

So what are you saying? It's a yes or no?

-Jack, this wasn't my idea.

-Can I just speak to Ronnie, please?

It's your way or nothing? Is that what you're saying?

Yeah.

On this. It's a yes or no, Jack.

HE SIGHS

Get people back in their seats.

Let's get this wedding back on track, shall we?

Can everyone get back in their places, please?

The ceremony's getting back underway in five minutes.

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

Thelma and Louise? Groundhog Day more like!

You OK?

Yeah.

You?

RONNIE SIGHS

Well, let's do this thing.

Hey...

Sisters.

BOTH: Together forever.

# Baby, I've been searching like everybody else

# Can't say nothing different about myself

# Sometimes, I'm an angel and sometimes I'm cruel

# But when it comes to love I'm just another fool

# Yes, I've climbed a mountain

# I'm going to swim the sea

# There ain't no act of God, girl

# Could keep you safe from me

# My arms are reaching out

# Out across this canyon... #

Welcome to the marriage of Veronica and Jack.

# I'm asking you to be my true companion... #

I do solemnly declare...

I do solemnly declare.

-# My true companion... #

-I do solemnly declare.

That I know of no lawful impediment...

..that I, Veronica Elizabeth Mitchell...

It gives me great pleasure to declare

that you are now husband and wife.

CHEERING

# I've got my heart set on our wedding day

# I've got this vision of a girl in white

# Made my decision that it's you all right... #

-JACK WHOOPS

-# True companion. #

PEOPLE CHATTER

MUSIC: Another Night by Real McCoy

Jack! Um, I'm so sorry. I-I hate to do this.

You're going to hate me for this, but, um...

-I mean, I ain't even read my best man's speech.

-What's the matter?

I've got to go back to the Vic - me and Lee.

What, you got a problem?

It's a family thing, um...

I'm going to see Johnny. I'll get him to read this for me.

I'm so sorry, mate.

-No, mate, it's OK.

-Really?

Look, if it's family.

-Go on.

-Good man.

You did tell him, I take it? About Roxy?

That is what earlier was all about?

-Yeah.

-Wow!

Must be the first and only time in your life you've taken my advice.

Yeah, well, don't get used to it.

I'm really glad that you both came

and, um... Well, I meant what I said earlier.

-I should've invited you before.

-Careful, Ron, that was almost nice.

I'll see you in there in a bit, yeah?

I love you.

MAX: Well, I got your message.

So what is it? You needed a hand with the washing-up?

Well, it didn't seem right - me getting married,

not having my brother here to crack stupid jokes.

Come on, then.

What's the matter?

Is it Mum?

What's happened?

I found that in your phone case.

Some bloke gave it to me on the high street, OK? Some random do-gooder.

Not bad, not bad.

Now you can tell me the real reason why it was there.

I was in a bit of a state, OK?

A bit?

All right, a lot.

-Because?

-The job.

-A couple of bills came in too.

-Lee...you don't call the Samaritans

-because you're running a bit short on readies.

-I didn't call 'em.

All right, I just...just... I just spoke to some woman.

She gave it to me. I don't even know who she was.

A bird?

-Why couldn't you talk to me or your mum?

-Mum ain't here.

-I am.

I don't know.

I felt stupid, I suppose.

Anyway, you've got enough on your plate.

Mum's in Spain. Nan. You don't want to listen to me moaning, do you?

But you can bend some complete stranger's ear?

So the job.

A few bills.

I ain't going to wear that, Lee.

What ain't you telling me?

MUSIC PLAYS IN THE OTHER ROOM

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Hey!

I've been looking all over for you.

RONNIE SIGHS

You'll never guess what's happening in there.

-Me and Mum were almost civil to each other.

-Ha!

Oh, and Max has just shown up.

I think Jack must've called him.

Now, seriously, what is it - a wedding or The Waltons?

I can't believe I nearly messed this up for you.

You didn't mess anything up.

You must've looked like the Runaway Bride tearing back down that aisle.

Yeah, well, it's never supposed to be dull with me and you, is it?

This last year, Ron, has been a nightmare.

You know, with...with Dean and...

..everything.

Well, that's behind us now, isn't it?

Yeah, maybe.

But you shouldn't have to keep picking up the pieces.

Listen.

If there are things that we still need to sort out,

then...that is exactly what we'll do - we'll sort them out.

But the point is that we do it together, OK?

-JACK:

-Ron?

Yes, I'm in here.

We've got a hotel full of guests here and what?

You're in here playing pool?

-We'll be there in a minute.

-Jack...

I really am sorry, OK?

Well, you and Ron - it's always been this way, innit?

-You buy one, you get one for free.

-Oi!

-Less of the "free", yeah?

-RONNIE LAUGHS

So are we going to cut this cake or what?

Yeah.

It all got so out of hand.

I didn't mean for it to happen.

-LEE'S VOICE QUIVERS

-Not like it did.

But, yeah...

I...

I was in on it.

The robbery.

HE SNIFFS

That was down to me.

This is a wind-up?

No.

Please...

Please...tell me...

-this is a wind-up.

-Dad...

So you're seriously...

-Everyone was meant to be asleep!

-..telling me...

-No-one was supposed to bring baseball bats!

Your mates at work, they said to you, they say...

They said, "Let's turn your place over.

"Let's nick a few quid," and you say yes?!

-Where your mother sleeps?

-Dad, please!

They grabbed your baby brother!

-It wasn't meant to be like that!

-You just told me!

-You was one of them who robbed us!

-I'm not one of them!

-You're worse!

They were just mugs!

They wouldn't have made it through the front door.

Someone had to help 'em.

-And that was you.

-Why do you think I've been like this, eh?!

Ever since it happened, I've been going out of my mind!

They smashed Johnny across the head. They nearly killed him!

-I bou... I bought him a drink, didn't I, the geezer?

-Dad...

That Oz - he was in the bar.

-I was chatting to him.

-Why do you think I had that in my pocket, eh?!

I was this close, Dad!

That close to doing something!

And if that woman hadn't have stopped me...

I would have.

I would have, because I felt so bad about it all.

Well, maybe you should have.

Done us all a right favour.

HE WHIMPERS

HE SOBS LOUDLY

I'm sorry!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

MUSIC: Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) by Eurythmics

CHEERING

# Sweet dreams are made of this

# Who am I to disagree?

# I travel the world and the seven seas

# Everybody's looking for something

# Some of them want to use you

# Some of them want to get used by you... #

-C+C MUSIC FACTORY:

-# Everybody dance now! #

Yey!

-ALL: Cheese! JACK:

-Come on!

ALL: One, two, three, cheese!

CHEERING

THEY GIGGLE

MUSIC: I Get All The Girls by Calvin Harris

SCREAMING

# I get all the girls I get all the girls... #

MUSIC: Proper Education by Eric Prydz vs Floyd

# We don't need no education

# We don't need no thought control... #

CHEERING

# Hey, teacher! Leave them kids alone! #

MUSIC FADES

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

SHE GASPS

Wow!

Thank you.

I haven't done anything yet.

-For my sister.

-Well, she's not just your sister.

-She's my sister-in-law now.

-Mm-hm.

-Hmm!

-One big happy family.

-Yeah, don't push it!

-SHE GIGGLES

CHILDREN GIGGLE AND SQUEAL

What are you doing?

-Why aren't you asleep?

-I am so sorry, but, er...

they wanted their daddy to read them a bedtime story.

-JACK SIGHS Oh, I can sort it out.

-No, I will.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

-Give me a kiss. Give me a kiss.

Mwah! Mummy loves you. There you go.

-Sort out your book.

-CHILDREN LAUGH AND SHOUT

Just give me 20 minutes and then, you can thank me, er, properly.

-Ooh! 20 minutes, eh?

-Yes! Where are you off to?

-I'm just going to go and have a little night cap.

-Ah!

I love you, Mr Branning.

I love you, Mrs Branning.

SHE LAUGHS

-Night, kids, I love you.

-Love you!

-Love you!

Right, kids...

-Cinderella!

-Oh, yeah!

-Oh, yeah!

SHE SIGHS

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

SHE LAUGHS

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

DOOR OPENS

Look what I found in my pocket.

Oh, right.

So THAT is what that was.

SHE LAUGHS

KNOCK ON DOOR RONNIE: Rox?

Ssh, get over there. Go on.

-Roxy!

-Yeah, hold on.

-Oh?

-RONNIE GIGGLES

Sorry, what are you doing? It's your wedding night.

Have you not got something better to do?

Well, not for 20 minutes.

20 minutes?

OK.

20...minutes!

-Phwoarr!

-Come on! ROXY GIGGLES

I'm coming!

Where are we going?

You'll see.

DOOR CLOSES

I didn't mean that.

About you doing us all a favour.

I shouldn't have said that.

I don't know if I can ever forgive you, though.

MICK WALKS DOWNSTAIRS

-JACK:

-'Once upon a time, there was a girl called Cinderella...'

RONNIE AND ROXY GIGGLE

-Imagine, if you will...

-Yeah?

-..that these bottles are tassels!

-LAUGHTER

-I know what you're thinking!

Yeah! Yeah! ROXY CACKLES

"They're just like me and Peg - a couple of old dogs!"

That is the worst, worst Aunt Sal impression I've ever seen.

-That is fighting talk.

-" 'Ere..."

-Ha-ha!

-" 'Ere, Ronnie."

-"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

-Oh, don't! It's Auntie P!

So go on, then.

Which one was it?

Come on!

My money is on the one with the earring, the one that you couldn't

-take your eyes off all night.

-What are you talking about?

There was someone in your room just now.

ROXY GIGGLES Roxy, come on.

-Max.

-SHE GIGGLES

-Max?!

-Max!

RONNIE GASPS

So, hold on, hold on.

We'll be doing the double?

It'll be the Mitchell sisters and the Branning brothers

-in the same hotel on the same night?

-It's how we roll, Ron.

-Eugh!

-How we roll, yeah?

-Hmm!

Cinderella felt sad, because she was all alone.

But suddenly, a fairy godmother appeared and said...

"Don't cry, Cinderella.

"I will send you to the ball."

I was thinking that maybe we could start our own business.

Honestly, I have found, like, the perfect unit,

-smack bang in the middle of the high street.

-No.

-Maybe a trendy bar is exactly what that place needs.

-A bar?

Yes. LIKE AUNT SAL: Yes!

GIGGLING Just like the good old days.

-Yeah, but Ongar!

-Mmm?

-It's not exactly Ibiza, is it?

-No.

And it's not the Vic either.

But it is me and you.

RONNIE GIGGLES

Oh, Ron, I'm...

God, I'm...

-I'm going to miss it, you know.

-Aw!

-Walford....

-SHE SIGHS

-..the Square.

-It's not exactly the other side of the world, is it?

-No.

But it is the end of an era.

Yeah, it is.

THEY LAUGH

-But...

-OK, no, no, no, wait, I'm going to do another one.

-Oh, Ronnie!

-Hold on!

Jack... Look, Jack!

-I'm flying!

-Rose. Open your eyes, Rose.

-Oh!

-Ron! Ron, be careful, please. All right? Please.

THEY GIGGLE

'Cinderella was overjoyed'

and she set off in a coach drawn by six horses.

But before she left, the Fairy Godmother said,

"Cinderella, this magic will only last until midnight.

"You must be home by then."

RONNIE AND ROXY GIGGLE

-Hey! Keep up, keep up.

-Wait for me!

-You're so slow!

-Oh!

-Oops!

IT THUDS, THEY LAUGH

What?

Look.

ROXY LAUGHS

'When Cinderella came into the ball, nobody knew who she was,

'in her pretty clothes and shoes.'

But then the handsome prince saw her and fell in love.

And Cinderella was so happy dancing,

she almost forgot what her Fairy Godmother had said.

But then she remembered her Fairy Godmother's words...

You know, this isn't just the end of an era.

It's the beginning of a new one.

Don't look back.

Don't look back.

THEY LAUGH

Mmm! Mmm.

-Guess what?

-What?

The last one in the pool pays for breakfast.

Oh, Roxy, don't!

Oh, you're so unfair! Wait for me!

DRAMATIC MUSIC ON TV

Oh, wait for me!

Oh, I can't get my thing undone.

Roxy!

SHE LAUGHS

Roxy!

Stop mucking about!

Roxy?

Roxy!

TV IS ON

HE CHANGES THE CHANNEL

'As Cinderella ran out of the palace,'

one of her glass slippers came off.

Roxy! MUFFLED SCREAM

No! No!

Roxy!

MUFFLED SCREAMS

'But Cinderella didn't turn back.'

She reached home, just as the clock struck 12.

'As it did, her coach turned back into a pumpkin,

'her horses turned back into mice.

'And her fine ball gown turned back into rags.

'The next day, the prince took the glass slipper

'and went to all the houses in the kingdom.'

When he arrived at Cinderella's house...

..the slipper fitted her perfectly.

CLOCK STRIKES

Cinderella married the prince.

And they all lived happily ever after.

CLOCK STRIKES