12/01/2017 EastEnders

Michelle in here?

Is everything all right, Sharon? It's just that I just wanted to tell

Michelle that we've popped her champagne.

-She wasn't in the toilets and she hadn't even had a drink.

-What's wrong with you?

Just give her two minutes - she's probably a bit overwhelmed.

You don't think something's happened, do you?

What? Why?

I still reckon I saw Michelle crying the other day.

It's fine. I'll go.

Right, people,

you was promised an Italian night, so get that down your scrag, all right?

(Key, key, key...?)

PHONE BUZZES

Sharon?

'Sharon?'

-DOT:

-Ethel?

-Ethel?

-SHE GROANS

Oh.

Oh, I can't see under there.

I know what you'd like.

I know what you'd like.

She's pregnant.

Who?

-You're not making any sense.

-Then listen to me, for God's sake!

I heard 'em...

Denise Fox...

is having Phil's baby.

She's only having his baby.

And do you know what I don't get?

I don't get how that is even a physical possibility.

You and Phil aren't having sex?

Have you any idea what state he's been in?

Even on his last legs he manages to disappoint.

Stupid, stupid, stupid bastard!

Just when things were starting to get better.

I could actually see a future.

Just when he gets his life back.

A leopard don't change its spots.

Mum always said.

For months....

..Phil's been the only thing.

The first thing in the morning, last thought at night.

Denny's going to be gutted.

Give him a chance to explain, babe.

How could he?

Do you think he knows?

I don't know...

Not from what I heard, no.

I don't care what he's done.

I don't care who he's done it with.

It's one time too many.

He has blown his last chance.

You don't mean that.

Do I seriously...

..have to spend the rest of my life fire-fighting?

Hmm?

Is this really as good as it gets?

Working our way through another bloody mess that he's kicked off,

and for what?

Because he's my husband? Because I need him?

Well, not that much I don't.

Because you love him.

You love him.

Who's died and suddenly made you Phil Mitchell's best mate, huh?

I am hanging on by my fingernails here.

Do I look like my mother?

Nah, I'm done.

I never want to see Phil again.

Whenever your flight is,

I'm coming.

Lovely food.

Ooh, Ethel.

Ooh...

Yum, yum, yum.

Time away is what I've been needing for weeks, if I'm honest.

Just didn't think I'd be going on my own...

or for good.

You're not even going to talk to Phil?

What can he possibly say that in any way's going to make it better?

"Sorry"?

Maybe we could come and stay with you for a bit, huh?

What do you say?

We could have your spare room on the top floor again.

Be like old times, like when Denny was little.

Cos I have missed you.

I've missed you an' all.

Well, look, it won't be forever.

Just till I find my feet.

I can get a job, I've got skills.

And between you, you and Tim have got to know the best high schools.

Because, to be honest, I'm not that impressed with our options here anyway.

And however attached he is...

..however good a dad Phil's...

The truth is, Denny isn't thriving

and he's got to be my priority.

I know people round here think I don't notice,

but he's always had brat tendencies.

It's probably my fault - probably spoil him.

Seems the softer you are, the less they respect you.

Do you think Tim will mind?

You've got to tell me if you think Tim'll mind.

He loves you two.

You've got a good 'un.

Yeah.

A decent, civilised man.

A man with his brain in his head, not in his pants.

Yeah.

You know what?

I wish I'd come over there with you all them years ago.

You chose the brightest, best-looking college lecturer in Florida

and I wind up with the village idiot.

Give it a couple of weeks, though, eh?

Starting over,

it ain't all that, Sharon.

No, I know that.

But I'll be all right, won't I?

Hey? I've got my best mate.

Come on, what do you say?

Come on, pass us the phone and I'll give Tim a ring.

See if we can get...

Too much has happened.

It won't work.

Oh.

Right.

Well, thanks for letting me bang on making plans, looking like a moron(!)

There ain't no flight.

Why?

Where were you going, then?

Michelle, what's happened? What's he done?

Do we have to do 20 questions?

For once in your life, tell me the truth

without me having to drag it out of you.

I got cellulite!

What?

Yeah, you know it.

And grey roots.

And the top of my arms found a life of their own.

And however hard I worked out, however many times I skipped

breakfast and lunch, all I had to do was look at a bagel...

I might as well have shoved it down my trousers

and Sellotaped it to my arse.

What the hell are you going on about?

When we met...

When Tim and me met...

..I was young...

..and impressed and interested.

And young, Sharon.

18 years later - I can tell you the exact day...

..my gorgeous son was heading off for a holiday with his latest,

beautiful, lovely, in-love girlfriend...

..and I waved goodbye and...

..for the first time in what feels like forever...

..I'm not worrying.

I'm not thinking about him.

And I look in the mirror...

..and there I am, suddenly...

..45 with bingo wings.

Oh, please. Is that it?

And then I get it.

Are you having a mid-life crisis?

The reason we ain't had sex for over two years...

Why my husband don't want me any more...

I feel like the only woman in the world.

Hardly gets a mention online.

Your husband just stops wanting sex with you.

Even Jerry Springer ain't interested

unless he's a pervert or a porno addict.

Or cheating?

I could have understood that.

At least I would get that.

Would you?

Because it is about being wanted, Sharon...

..and being bothered and being alive.

We weren't together.

What?

No, bec... Because Phil thought he was dying.

April.

That's nine months ago, yeah?

April - that's when Phil and Denise...

-We weren't together.

-Well, there you go.

Can't even really call it cheating, then, can you?

No.

You know, maybe Tim needs a bit of help.

Packet of pills or something?

He is a lot older than you.

-There's nothing wrong with Tim except me.

-No.

It is humiliating...

..lying awake...

..waiting for him to come upstairs.

I swear he stopped cleaning his teeth in case I tried to kiss him.

Creeping into bed when he thought I was asleep.

It doesn't mean he doesn't want you - it means he's tired.

Every single night?

Bored, Sharon.

-I am flabby and irritating.

-Oh, come on, babe.

And I can't even talk about it.

I mean, how do you talk about it?

How do you say, "Why don't you fancy me any more?" without crying?

You know you two work well together.

We are a couple, Sharon.

We're not a business.

We're not John Lewis Partnership.

All right, Pauline.

Any tiny shred of passion...

Anything that don't leave you feeling like last year's slippers...

You want to know the weeks I spent just eating salad.

The different haircuts,

starving,

comfort eating.

At least my mother kept her dignity,

knocked a dent in the frying pan with Dad's head.

Are you menopausal?

What?

Well, the balance of hormones and that -

it makes a massive difference to how serious you take stuff.

-You saying it's my fault?

-No! No, no, no.

I'm just saying that

maybe Tim didn't mean it exactly as you took it.

I mean, that's got to make the most sense. Cos he loves you.

And he's not a shallow man, is he?

What? Because he likes reading a book?

He's still a man, Sharon.

And he don't fancy middle-aged women,

which is his choice and his decision

and a bloody great shame because I am one. And just...

Just what exactly am I supposed to do for the next 30 years of my life?

Take a vow?

Accept it as punishment for stretchmarks?

Pretend I'm relieved?

Never tell anyone that the most my husband ever gives me is a quick

squeeze of the hand, a peck on the cheek? That he won't even touch me?

OK, just calm down.

Oh, don't pretend you don't know about hanging on in there, Sharon.

You get out of bed naturally that colour, do you?

All that hair actually growing out of your own head?

Are you looking for a smack?

When the whole of the world starts pulling you apart,

-I thought at least you'd be on my side.

-Who's pulling you apart?

-And I tan easy.

-Forget it.

-Who is pulling you apart?

-Just forget it.

-No, come on...

-Forget it.

-..who's pulling you apart? Who?

-Forget it.

-Who? Who?

You think when you leave a place, it freezes in time.

Nan in her chair.

Fish on a Friday.

Sunday tea at half four.

Condensation and fag smoke.

Celery that you dip in salt.

And my mother shouting up the stairs...

But no-one eats celery any more.

Not even round here, do they?

Sit down. You drink too much and you've not eaten enough.

I should have actually... I should have known better. Coming back.

SHE SNIFFS

Thinking we could pick up like when we was kids, best mates...

-We don't even hardly know each other.

-What?

This ain't my home. I don't fit here. I don't want to.

That's how come I left in the first place.

It's just a small...

It is, it's a dirty, grubby little corner of London.

What has happened to you?

Still full, full of the same small-minded petty little people,

Sharon, passing their judgements and shagging the...

Shagging the neighbours.

You cow.

PHONE RINGS

-What?

-DOOR SLAMS

What, Phil?

Er, football boots, yellow socks.

The cheese strings are in the fridge.

No, nothing...

Nothing's wrong.

Listen, I'm done here.

Tell Denny to go to bed. I'm coming home.

Yes, I know, Officer.

Yes, I know I can't sit here all night with the door open

but I'm frightened that he can't find his way home.

And goodnight to you, too.

Ethel?

Ethel Esquire?

I'm shutting the door now.

SOBBING

SHARON SIGHS

They've all gone.

There's no-one left to come home to.

MICHELLE SOBS

You've always had a nasty streak,

talking to me like that.

Now, you tell me the truth, Michelle,

and you'd better hurry up cos it's cold.

This ain't about Tim, is it?

It's about you.

What have you done?

I gave up.

I threw myself into work.

Joined a choir.

Posted pictures - every walk and dinner out and birthday.

Filled my profile page with "likes" and,

"Ain't I done well? "Look at my amazing life."

Well,

we all go through...times.

But you love each other, you work it out.

You're going to stand by Phil, ain't you?

Maybe I could have made Tim fall back in love.

Lust?

Faint interest with me?

Maybe I'm not the only woman.

Best-kept secret...

Maybe this is just what happens and eventually it don't matter any more

and a quick kiss on the cheek is good enough.

Or all that's left.

I started giving private English tuition.

Started a pottery course.

I fell in love.

Madly, Sharon. SHE LAUGHS

Like an idiot.

Like I forgot what...

So long being ignored.

You know, I was faithful to Tim...

..but he left me -

in his head.

You can't even really call it cheating.

It was like I woke up.

Like I was half dead.

Oh, my God...

A whole year together.

We were obsessed with each other.

All I thought about and dreamt about was the next time.

The only place I wanted to be was with him.

Who?

And he felt it too.

Things he said...

Couldn't keep his hands off me.

It wasn't about...

..sex.

It wasn't just...

It was the fun...

..the gorgeous...

..the energy.

He wanted me.

Turned my head. SHE LAUGHS

Stopped being cautious, started thinking maybe it didn't matter

if we were found out,

if this is the future...

He said, "You've got to make the future happen."

And I...

I said, "Yeah."

We planned it out.

Monday night before Christmas. SHARON SIGHS

Yeah, I know, I know, I know it sounds harsh,

but we were going to have our first Christmas.

Us.

He'd break it to his family, I'd tell Tim I wanted a divorce.

Didn't get the chance.

His mum found his suitcase and came into the school.

What?

The school board demanded my immediate resignation. No choice.

I'd broken the law.

Tim told me he wanted a divorce.

Mark refused to stay in the house.

It was Christmas. I couldn't see him on the street.

I moved into a motel.

But the things they said about me, Sharon.

My "friends".

I came off every bit of social media.

Shut down my profile page and my...

My Preston...

I wouldn't give him the room number

and he stood outside in the car park shouting for me.

Howling like a...

One last time.

And I told him it had to be over.

I couldn't let this ruin both our lives.

He had to move on without me

and he had to be happy.

How old was he?

We were in love.

In love!

You're addicted to the rush - you always have been.

If I was a fella...

No, no, no, Sharon, if I was any man in there,

they would not be refusing to speak to me, would they?

They would be patting me on the back and buying me a pint.

Seriously...

We get to an age where "older man" means actual geriatric,

and you've moved on to kids?

I've lost everything!

Mark still ain't talking, Tim won't answer.

I am pawning jewellery till my bank card's sorted like I'm...

Pat Butcher on a bad day.

You'd have thought you'd have learned your lesson 20 years ago.

You know, if you're going to have them kind of secrets,

-keep 'em secret.

-I knew it.

You still ain't forgiven me.

It wasn't me my dad cheated on, was it?

Oh, yeah, yeah, you've got it so sussed, ain't you, Sharon?

That is your plan with Phil's baby an' all, ain't it?

Your way of dealing - just going to keep your mouth shut?

That still your version of honest?

Yes, actually. Yes!

If it gives me some sort of control back,

keeps the peace. You know the arrogance of you?

What?

What is wrong with just getting by, huh?

Rubbing along?

Colour, religion, whatever.

You know, that is the whole point of London.

You can be whoever you are, however you want.

The only payback is you show the same respect.

You live and let live.

You know, I am proud that I come from here.

-You telling me you found something better?

-No.

No, you didn't.

All you have done is criticise.

Yeah. Yeah. It's ironic, isn't it?

Went all that way not to turn into her.

Well, you know, maybe...

Maybe this is the one time your mum nailed it,

cos leopards, they do not change their spots, do they, huh?

We all have a face we put on, Michelle, and you...

You've been faking you're a good girl since we were at junior school,

ain't you? Always reckoning yourself, ain't you?!

-Oh, shut up!

-Yes!

You're not grown-up.

You just got older.

I mean, what has Tim actually done?

Preston shut the door and walked away.

You do know this is Lofty all over?

I am sat in that motel room...

..Christmas carols on a loop, every other person just passing through,

and I ain't got no home to go to, Sharon.

Don't fit in there, or here or anywhere.

Nothing.

Just that stupid,

ugly old woman still staring back out the mirror.

And I can only think of one proper friend.

One person I can tell the truth

who gets me enough not to judge.

How old was he?

Guess.

Why don't you guess and gossip like the rest?

How old was he?

He's 17.

CAT MEOWS

Oh, there you are.

Where have you been, you dirty little stop out?

You was hungry, was you? Now, you stay there.

Dreadful fleas you creatures carry.

CAT MEOWS

You've always got a home here.

Cradle snatcher.