18/05/2017 EastEnders

LETTERBOX RATTLES

Dee, I know you're in there.

I ain't going anywhere till you open up this poxy door.

LETTERBOX RATTLES

You signing this petition or not?

Look, I'm sorry about the other day...

I just... I weren't feeling very sociable.

Locking yourself away.

People are going to start calling you Miss Hannigan at this rate.

Look, here, hold this. I'll get a pen.

Is there any news from Pops?

No, he's definitely not back for another two weeks.

Really?

Thanks.

You know what you need?

What?

A makeover.

I mean, I'm not being funny, Dee, but you're not looking your best.

I'm just tired, that's all.

COMPUTER CHIMES

You know what the cure is for a broken heart?

To get back in the saddle and find a new stallion to ride.

COMPUTER CHIMES

SHE IMITATES NEIGHING

-Who's that from?

-A job I went for.

Well, did you get it?

"I'm afraid to tell you your application

"has not been successful..."

Well, is there any wonder? I mean, positivity breeds positivity, Dee.

Yeah, well, I ain't got much to be positive about right now.

You want to get yourself down to the benefit office, you know, and sign on.

-They're chucking money at people like you left, right and centre.

-People like me?

Listen, you'll be quids in.

-They might even sign you up for a carpentry course.

-Carpentry?

You might want to think about learning a trade.

Cos this GCSE ain't going to get you anywhere, is it?

Not being funny.

-You know what?

-Mm?

-Please go.

And not being able to take some constructive criticism.

Just go, please.

Fine, I'll go.

And you might want to get some chocolate biscuits next time, yeah?

It's a bit dry.

All right, catch you later, yeah?

DOOR SHUTS

Wow.

Listen, tell Shirl I'm going out for the morning.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, I'm just going to pop into town and get a few bits, that's all.

Well, do you want me to come with you?

No, it's your last exam. You've got to revise.

Listen, Johnny.

Erm, the other day, I weren't in a very good place, but I'm

feeling so much better now.

Lee's moved on with his life. I'm going to do the same.

See ya later.

Billy...

I've just seen the paint for the flat. It looks amazing!

-So what time's the furniture getting here?

-Well, let's get the carpet in first, eh?

Tell you what, why don't I give them a call, find out what time everything's going to arrive?

No, honey, don't. The thing is...

I sort of run out of money.

What do you mean, Billy, you've run out of money?

-You were only painting the walls.

-No, but I didn't paint them, though.

I used that Konrad bloke.

Talk about daylight robbery. Even Dick Turpin wore a mask.

OK, well, what about the money that Pam and Les have given us?

It's all gone.

But don't worry, don't worry.

Cos I've got a back-up plan, ain't I?

This!

I found it in a skip. I thought we could put it next to the window.

I am not having that grubby thing in our flat, do you hear me?

It's probably covered in fleas.

Honey, look again. Bit of sanding, all right, recover it.

It will come up as good as new, that will.

I mean, that's what it's about these days, isn't it? Upcycling.

-Upcycling?

-Yes. It's what everyone's into now, innit? Vintage chic.

Your greys, your blues.

Come on, you do want to be on-trend, don't you?

Yes.

Trust me. Someone would bite your hand off for this in Hoxton.

All right, well, maybe we could put a cover on it.

See, that's what I love about you.

You're a woman of vision.

Oh, and, hon', if you are passing that skip later,

you might want to dig out that old commode.

I thought we could use it as a wash basin.

I'm joking, all right!

REPEATED BEEPING

Ian...

Yeah, just a minute.

Are you sure you should be doing that?

It's called the plank. It's for sculpting your waist.

-But your face, it's gone all purple.

-Yeah, I know. But it must be working, then.

You're supposed to be doing things in moderation. Not killing yourself.

You know what they say on the circuit. No pain, no gain.

-The circuit?

-I've joined this... online community.

I've been chatting to this weightlifter from Indiana.

He said he was going to help me out with some protein supplements.

-Yeah, I bet he did.

-I was thinking.

You know the corner of our bedroom? Right, get a weight bench in there.

-Randy said he would be my virtual squat buddy.

-Randy?

Randy, the weightlifter from Indiana.

You want to seem him. He's got muscles bulging in places I didn't even know existed.

He sent me some photos if you want to see them.

No, no, no...we can leave that for another day.

Huh, oh, all right.

-Oh, Lauren, shouldn't you be at work?

-I overslept.

I swear there's something wrong with that alarm clock.

What do you say to an egg-white omelette? It's high in protein and low in cholesterol.

No, sorry, I've got to go.

-I'm sure Josh can spare you a couple of hours.

-See ya.

-Lauren.

-Right, well, there's only one thing left for

me to do before I go to the doctor's, then.

Ooh, are you sure you want to do this now?

Well, I just want to see if I've lost any weight since I

started Slim Start.

Erm, just don't be too hard on yourself, love.

Yeah, it's all about getting yourself in the right mind-set, isn't it?

Everything else can just come later.

And sometimes your weight has to go up before it comes down.

Why don't I make that omelette?

Er, yeah, I'll give you a hand, Jane.

-I've... I've lost three pounds.

-Come again?

I've lost three pounds!

What was she, blonde? Brunette?

I'm not talking about this.

Talking about what?

He's only gone and found himself a match, ain't he?

Hang on. When did you sign up?

I was at a loose end last night.

And you've found someone already?

Yes, all right. Don't act so surprised.

What she look like?

Oh, all right.

-Are you and Martin...?

-No, no, we're good.

He even let me have Arthur the other day.

Oh, Kushy.

Come on. Let's have a butcher's.

Oh, now, she is a proper stunner.

Are you sure she didn't swipe you by mistake?

How old is she?

26.

I like the sound of her already.

Because she's not Denise, you mean?

I never said that.

I just think it's time that you had a bit of fun, that's all.

Let your hair down.

-She's right, you know.

-Yeah. Go on.

Give her a poke for your old mum.

Or whatever it is you do on those things.

Erm, I don't suppose any of you have seen a carpet van, have you?

What, you expecting a delivery?

Yeah. My Minky Dreams. It's 100% polypropylene.

What's that mean?

I don't know.

Shall I give you a call if I see anything?

Oh, yeah, thanks. And listen, you're all invited to the grand unveiling.

Oh, has Jack been in the shop today?

Er, no. Why do you ask?

It's just that I'm expecting him to come and pick up his fruit

-and veg, that's all.

-I expect he's keeping his head down, isn't he,

after being carted off by the Old Bill?

Honey. You are a woman of the world.

Don't you think it's time my Kushy got back out there?

I mean, he can't keep moping after Denise, can he?

Mum, Mum...

Denise! I was just saying...

I've just got to get to the Tube.

Listen, is everything all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Any news on the job front?

Nah, haven't heard anything back yet.

Listen, any day now, yeah? Isn't that right, Carmel?

What?

Look, just forget about it.

CARD READER BEEPS

Sorry.

Oh, it's fine. I could probably do with the walk anyway.

Here we are. What do you think?

Oh, dear. Seen better days, ain't it?

Well, it belonged to Ethel.

I think what I might do is sand it down and paint it blue.

Blue?

Actually, what I might do is paint these handles yellow.

Give it a bit of a beach look.

I think it's better where it is.

Don't worry, Dot, it will look lovely.

I tell you what, I'll get Jay to come round later to collect it.

-Oh, all right.

-Oh, actually, you haven't seen Jack today, have you?

No, not since he's been bailed.

Well, it's just that I saw him through the blinds earlier.

Looks as if he's hiding away.

Oh, dear. It upsets me to see Jack like this.

Do you think we should go over there and...?

-He might think we're interfering.

-Yeah, he might.

I just, you know, hate the thought of him all by himself in the house.

Well, just for a few minutes, eh?

You seen Whit?

She went into town. Retail therapy.

What, without her purse?

PHONE RINGS

She was acting a bit odd.

I'll get it.

Did she say where she was going?

I know she likes that shopping centre by the cinema.

Hello, Queen Vic.

Queen Vic.

You'll have to speak up, I can't hear you.

..Suit yourself.

Where you going?

To rescue a damsel in distress.

Well, what about the bar?

Well, you're a big girl, Shirl.

I'm sure you can sort something out.

That really suits you.

Thank you.

I mean it. You should get that.

Excuse me.

Are you going to buy one of those or are you just copping a feel?

Did you know there is 437% of your recommended daily

vitamin A allowance in one of these butternut squash?

So are you going to buy one or...?

How do you fancy roasted squash with kale salad and

a little light orange dressing?

That sounds lovely. Now, can we get moving, please?

-I don't want to be late for your appointment.

-Appointment?

-Yeah, I'm about to be given a clean bill of health.

-Let's not jump the gun, Ian.

-I've got to say, actually, you are starting to look a bit trimmer, Ian.

-Thank you.

Give it a few months, you'll be able to give muscles here a run for his money.

I was thinking of investing in one of those weight benches.

We could squat together, I'll show you how it's done.

-Ooh, what do you reckon, Kush? You and Ian, you could become gym buddies.

-Yeah.

Oh, er, Bill. There was some geezer in a carpet van asking directions to your flat.

-Really?

-Yeah, I've got to say -

not many people who could pull off that colour.

What you talking about?

It's shocking pink.

-Shut up!

-That's what you ordered, wasn't it?

-No, it wasn't.

-Bill.

Run, Bill!

THEY LAUGH

Can't this wait? I'm busy.

Don't worry. It won't take long.

Actually, I was wondering if I could borrow your electric...

I just want to talk to you, Jack.

Oh, Jack.

Yeah, well, I'm not really in the mood for housework.

Yeah, look. Don't worry. I'm sure Dot and I can sort this out.

So go and put the kettle on, will you?

Harley!

You looking for the food bank?

I don't suppose you could give us a hand, could you?

The buggy.

Oh, sorry.

There's no need to be nervous. They'll sort you out.

Yeah, I just never thought I'd end up in a place like this.

Neither did any of us.

But you've got to make the best of a bad situation, haven't you?

Yeah.

Excuse me. Erm, can I please try on that silver bracelet?

Certainly.

Which one?

It's the one on the right.

Beautiful, isn't it?

So nice.

Excuse me, miss...

-I'm going to have to ask you to come with me.

-Why?

Well, I have reason to believe you've got items in your bag that

you haven't paid for.

I think you've made a mistake.

I come here all the time.

Just come with me, please?

Oi, come back here!

Oi!

Here you are. Can't have you wasting away, can we?

How are the children dealing with this, Jack?

Apart from the fact that they think I'm going to prison, you mean?

Oh, it won't come to that, surely?

Oh, no, they've got a witness...said I started it.

Yeah, knows about the ongoing dispute.

And it didn't take me long to work it out, actually - cos there

were only a few people there, weren't there?

And you knew about the situation with Charlie, didn't you?

-Look, I just said what I saw, Jack.

-I can't believe you've done this!

I'm so sorry, I...

-I'm probably going to lose Matthew because of this!

-You won't.

Jack, why did you let your anger get the better of you?

He attacked my wife, Dot. What am I supposed to do?

Sit back and take it?

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if you stuck the knife in anyway.

-Listen, Jack.

-Me! I done no such thing.

He's your grandson. Of course you're going to side with him.

I am not taking sides.

Look, I'll speak to the police again, OK?

-I'll tell them I made a mistake.

-No. You don't speak to anyone. Do you hear me?

Look, I'm sure that if you and Charlie sat down together

quietly and talked...

Dot, please. It's gone way beyond that.

Look, it's Matthew I'm worried about.

He's like piggy in the middle.

It's not right that he should be dragged into all this.

You know what?

Just get out of here, the pair of you, go!

-What?

-GET OUT!

Right. On your own head be it.

DOOR OPENS

DOOR SLAMS

It's all right, Chris. Leave it.

I'll take her from here.

That wasn't very clever, now was it?

Hey?

Please, please, I'll put everything back.

Please don't call the police.

Who said anything about calling the police?

I'm sure we can sort this out between ourselves.

Know what I mean?

DOOR SLAMS OPEN

-Come on, we're going.

-Woody.

COUGHING

Have you got some of that antibacterial stuff, love?

Oh, for goodness' sake.

Just look at the way that bloke keeps coughing into his magazine.

That's three times at least now.

Will you keep your voice down?

Look at them all.

Sat there bleeding the state dry with their self-inflicted illnesses.

-You know, there's more to exercise than reaching for a pie, you know.

-Ian, I swear to God...

I tell you what.

That woman over there, I reckon as soon as she's out of here,

lights up her fag.

When did you become so sanctimonious?

I had a scare, I did something about it, all right?

I was proactive.

Healthy mind, healthy body.

You could do with taking a leaf out of my book.

DOG WHIMPERS

What are you still laying there for?

What's the matter with her?

I don't know. She's been like it all day.

You carry on like this, you're going to go straight back to the vet's.

Do you understand me?

What's the matter?

Kush. I couldn't borrow your phone, could I, mate?

The battery's gone on mine.

There you go.

Spoken to Dee, have you?

No, not since this morning.

She's doing really well, you know.

-She's got job offers coming left, right and centre.

-That's good.

Dee has always been a go-getter, you know.

Like Walford's answer to Oprah.

CHUCKLING

What're you laughing at?

-You know, you got to grab the bull by the horns, ain't you, mate?

-What you done?

You are meeting her in the Albert later.

No, please tell me you are joking here.

-What's this?

-Nothing.

No.

You lining up a new replacement already?

No, it's not...it's not like that.

Let me see, let me see, let me see...

Eyes are a bit close. As for the fillers...

All right, play nice, Kim, eh?

I mean, I'm not saying that he can't move on.

It's not like Dee's short of offers.

Really?

You know, things are really starting to come together for Dee.

I'm pleased to hear it.

It's going to take more than a broken heart to stop her.

'Dee always comes out on top.'

You all right there?

I see you have a referral slip from the Jobcentre.

It's her first time.

If I could take that from you...

You've got to give it to him.

Oh, sorry.

Well, Denise.

Why don't you help yourself to a hot drink and I'll get someone to

make up a voucher.

OK. Thank you.

Don't worry. It gets easier every time you come here.

I won't need to come back here.

That's what I said.

But I've been coming here on and off for about a year now.

Denise. My colleague here is going to help you.

OK.

Oh.

No, I'm sorry, I... I can't do this.

Denise...

-I don't want to talk about it.

-Was that the first time?

-Please, Woody.

-Wait, wait. Look, I want to help you, Whit.

What you doing?

That's what you want, innit?

Yeah, but not like this.

Why? What's wrong with me?

There's nothing wrong with you. You're beautiful.

So kiss me, then.

You might want to, er, change the information you got on me on there.

I've lost at least three pounds, haven't I, love?

You see this thing on my wrist?

It's been a godsend. Ask me how many steps I did yesterday.

Ian...

No, no, no, go on... I did 12,000 steps.

You want to get down the shops and buy one of these. It's changed my life.

We've had the results for your fasting blood sugars, Mr Beale.

I'm afraid the news isn't what we hoped for.

You have a reading of 7.4.

What does that mean?

Well, anything above seven passes the threshold for diabetes.

Yeah, but we're still at the pre-stage, aren't we?

I mean, I can do something about it. I've lost three pound.

I'm afraid that hasn't changed your diagnosis.

But with your continued efforts we can work together to keep

your blood glucose levels as normal as possible.

So, diet and exercise will play a major role...

I...I need some air.

Mr Beale, I know this has come as a bit of a shock to you.

But with the right adjustments there's

no reason why you can't lead a normal life.

Ian...

Erm, thank you.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You know there's easier ways to get a bloke into bed, you know?

Oi!

Stop it.

Mick...