02/06/2017 EastEnders

No, Charlie Cotton don't need dealing with.

-Why?

-Well, because I've changed my mind, mate.

I'm going to do this legit.

Right, good luck with that.

Cheers.

Oh, Patrick, how lovely to see you back safe.

And for you, Trinidadian black cake.

Oh!

Cos they do say that you can get thrombosis,

sitting in an aeroplane.

And if you don't get stuck in your elastic stockings,

then the sun is very good on your limbs.

Gives you a nice tan.

Message me if Travis kisses you.

It's a first date, he isn't going to kiss me.

Oh, my days, you think he's going to kiss me?

CHILDREN GIGGLE

Shoes! Shoes!

Will you put your shoes on?!

Yes.

Like I asked 25 minutes ago.

Abi's coming from the vet's, all right?

She's going to take you swimming. Lauren's going to bring Louie.

I'm breaking my back here, trying to do nice things for you,

and all I'm asking is that you put your shoes on!

Go on. Go and put your shoes on!

Give it to me.

-Put your shoes on!

-I don't want to go swimming.

Ricky.

You're always shouting.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I can go on my own if you're still not feeling well.

Jack can't be late, though, Lauren.

Lauren?

Yes, all right!

I'm fine.

Well, she kept that well hid.

Poor Denise.

How dreadful for her.

I mean, Kim weren't the only one what didn't realise.

Mind you, this time of year, with the brightness of the light,

you know, it puts a strain on anyone's eyesight.

I mean, it's a good job

that I am au fait with the feel of the material.

You'll catch a chill wearing that.

Oh, Patrick, it ain't mine!

It's Abi's.

Nasty case of a broken Biro.

Did you hear? The old launderette has been vandalised,

according to Michelle, and the fish and chip shop is boarded up.

Me flying off and leaving Denise,

how on earth did I expect her to manage, huh?

Well, Patrick, Denise is an adult...

..and if you had been here,

it don't mean that you would have known what to do for the best.

We haven't got any biscuits.

What are you talking about? I bought two packets of chocolate digestives.

Yeah, well, no-one told me they was special, out of bounds

holy digestives, did they?

It's sweet. Just don't offer the bird a biscuit.

Mother, your little Fi-Fi, she's a business consultant.

The only thing she's going to be interested in

is the first draft of this business plan.

Oh, all right. I'll go and get some digestives.

Chocolate ones?

Yeah!

You do know none of this makes sense, don't you?

Is this what a guilty conscience looks like?

I don't know.

Are you looking in the mirror?

I am fine now, you know.

Will be.

What?

I had an inspiration, and I've cleared out my spare room.

OK.

Well done.

No, but listen...

just promise me that you won't say no,

at least until you've given it a good old think.

-OK, OK.

-OK, OK.

So...

me, Vincent and Pearl...

-..we want you to move in with us.

-What for?

Well, just until your benefits are sorted or a university place

or wherever you want this GCSE English to take you, you know.

Look, don't be so sensitive, Denise. I mean it -

and I want to give you a job and I want to pay you for it.

So me and Vincent, we want you to be Pearl's nanny.

Just think about it.

PHONE VIBRATES

It's all right, babe. Whack it in there, yeah?

How did you get on?

Yeah. Rap on the knuckles. Charges have been dropped

-and no further action taken.

-Meaning you won't get a custodial?

No. They finally checked the CCTV footage,

and saw it was him that started it, not me.

Oh, slippery.

So you think Charlie Cotton wanted the tear-up, yeah,

to help with his case?

Listen.

I know it ain't easy to focus, you know,

when the only thing on your mind is the person you're missing.

You don't just wake up one day not sad any more, do you?

You should come over.

I've got a seriously sexy bottle of malt that needs drinking.

You need to give yourself a break.

I know what it was like, you know, when I was looking after Ollie

on my own, never mind three grieving kids.

All right, you know where I am, boy.

Mum, can I have my ice cream now?

Yeah, course. Go on, take your pick.

Billy is sometimes so useless, Jane.

I said to him, "Help Will feel like he belongs, yeah?"

So today, he's had our son doing everything

apart from the flower arranging.

Honestly, we can't get Will sleeping in his own bed.

We're going to have to move...

and I love my poor carpet.

Well, Ian's gone completely illogical.

Reckons it's his low calorie intake.

All last night, he's banging on about the advantages of this offer

on the chippie, and then this morning he doesn't accept it.

Mind you, it doesn't help living with constant temptation.

I get grumpy on my salad days.

I really think I'm going to have to bin my birthday chocolates.

Or you could sit in the bathroom and eat the lot?

Not that I've ever done that.

Oh, let's have a bang on one of these.

Get off!

Going to get the doilies out an' all, are we?

Don't have that sour face on when Fi comes, you'll set us back.

We're mates in here.

Yeah, "mates." Well, I'm a world expert in that, ain't I?

No.

You fake it.

You ain't friends with half of them who come in here.

You just keep them spending.

Yeah, that's the job though, ain't it, son?

-Oh, the bit you do.

-You what?

Why was it always Linda that took care of the council?

Well, the geezer was an idiot, weren't he?

And the brewery rep?

Yeah, another idiot. You thought that, as well.

Dad, when Mum went, why do you think Whitney stepped in so quick?

What?

Cos you got worse. The crisp fella, the soft drink guy.

You know the window cleaner's scared of you?

Who, Jono? No!

Ain't my fault we're surrounded by untold idiots, is it?

I can't have them mockneys round me.

-Or posh boys.

-Or wide boys.

Or posh girls.

And I suppose this is your way of using a bit of charm, is it?

I can do charm.

Right, I'll bet you 20 quid

I'll have that Fi eating out of the palm of my hand

before the end of the day.

The only thing she'll be eating, Mother, is chocolate digestives.

All right.

I'll have an apple with you.

You pig!

The kids were just overexcited.

No, Lauren.

That is no excuse for Ricky pulling my bikini top down

and Amy grinding her sandwich into Matthew's hair.

It's not Uncle Jack's fault that you can't keep control.

It's not Uncle Jack that I'm blaming.

Look, I'll have a word with them.

Look, all I'm saying is, that is not kids "just being kids".

That is children without any proper boundaries.

No offence.

-Oh, exaggerate much?

-Yes!

And if that doesn't get sorted out now,

they're going to be the ones that fail in school,

and smoke and take drugs and graffiti everywhere!

Look, if Ricky and Amy were dogs, you would be splitting them up

and implementing a series of rewards and treats

to let them know who's boss.

Oh, give it a rest!

They're eight and six.

What are you going to do, send them to Battersea Dogs Home?

They just need love and time, not telling off.

This is going to take them years.

They're bound to be damaged. They're traumatised young children.

They're traumatised? Lauren, they're not the one who had their boobs

floating away from them in the baby pool,

while their sister stood on the side and laughed!

Look, I'm sorry about that.

Ignore her.

Oh, by the way, you might want to change Matthew's nappy,

cos I had to put one of Louie's on after swimming.

It might be a bit small.

Thanks.

-Nappies.

-Right, come on, Louie. We're going.

You see, Matthew is such a cheerful little fellow.

Ain't a tantrum in him.

Even if Ricky gets heavy-handed, he just smiles, turns away...

but I can't help feeling sorry for him.

Well, I ain't saying that Jack ain't doing his best,

cos he is and he loves them children.

He loves them all very, very much -

but two of them is motherless

and they're living in a house full of grief.

And Jack, well, he ain't thinking straight.

The other day, he got it into his head to pack the children up

and run away with them.

Well, that ain't going to solve nothing -

and when all is said and done...

..Charlie is his father.

So...?

Well, I thought that Charlie would come back to Walford

and live here with me.

But it seems he wants to take him back to Ireland with him.

Well, maybe it would be the best for Matthew,

you know, to have a fresh start.

See, in his short life, there's always been someone more needy.

-Stop!

-Stop it, Ricky!

-Eat your food.

-He took it, though!

So maybe it would be better for him to go to Ireland...

..and get the attention that he deserves.

Breaks your heart, doesn't it, Dot?

Yes, well, it ain't about me.

It's about what's best for Matthew.

-No, I didn't!

-Yes, you did.

-No, I didn't.

-Yes, you did.

Stop! Ricky!

-Do you want to stay?

-Oh, no, thank you.

Right, bye, then.

Lauren, I'm sorry.

This is not how we are leaving this.

You're snappy, you're miserable,

and you hardly said two words to me while we were at the sports centre.

I know that you're upset.

What?!

I'm not blind, Lauren! It's obvious.

What is?

You.

You're jealous.

What?!

Of me and Josh.

Oh, come on, don't pretend you didn't notice. Last night?

I mean, we just get each other,

and you saw him offer to walk me home...

and you're not exactly subtle.

Letting me walk around with ink on my face, like a right cow.

-You've got a little crush.

-No.

Oh, don't worry.

I don't think Steven noticed.

You do probably need to know, though,

Josh added me to his friends list.

Already.

Sorry, I just think he really likes me.

Yeah, well, he adds anyone who asks, so...

..and half of his real friends, you know,

they're high up in banking, in the city, whatever, so...

Some lady in accounts, she said that his last three girlfriends

had been actual models.

So?

Nothing.

Nothing. I just...

Well, you know...

No, I don't know.

Well, it's just...

I'm sure him adding you, it probably just doesn't really mean that much.

-Lauren, you're in a long-term relationship.

-Mm-hm.

You're a mother now.

And I know you did it really young, but...

All I'm trying to say is...

you're happy, aren't you?

Just don't let your jealousy get between us.

Bye.

This is all right, I'll have one of them, Mother.

Let's have one of the old biscuits. Lovely.

She only does sugar-free, gluten-free and unprocessed food.

I nearly went out and got it a plate of grass.

OK.

So you're trying to say no without using the actual word no?

Yes.

No, though. You clearly haven't thought hard enough.

Have another ten minutes.

Kim...

Listen, I love my daughter.

I love, love, love, love, love, love my daughter

with every single bone in my body!

But Pearl is actually exhausting.

Playing shops with her for ten minutes,

I get bored and I pretend to be doing housework.

I love your daughter, an' all...

..but, you know, I still spend three quarters of every day...

..trying not to think about babies...

and I am still crossing the road, so I can avoid being near...

..little babies.

You understand me?

Kind of.

Yeah.

Thank you.

But you still can't be fussy, Dee. You know...

What you going to do?

You and Patrick just live off his pension?

This is a temporary position.

You need to work, Dee.

Not just for the money, but it's who you are.

OK, all right, so you don't have to move in,

or wear the uniform.

-Uniform?!

-Joking.

Let's just say 8:30, Monday morning.

Just try it, yeah?

Just one day at a time.

OK?

OK.

OK, then.

Smart girl.

Oh, I nearly forgot.

Patrick told me about this.

Whatever.

This comes out of your first wages, all right?

See you later.

I made Charlie see sense, stay home.

I know it's him you're expecting, but he agrees,

those kids shouldn't have to witness any more upset, should they?

All Charlie seems to be is upset.

Well, not suicidal, like when we first met.

Oh, my mouth. I'm sorry.

I wasn't meaning that any of that was Ronnie's fault.

Of what?

Look, a couple split, you can never really know the details.

Just, from what I gather, it was Charlie who brought Matthew up

for the first few months.

Sounds like Ronnie was quite a woman.

-Yeah.

-Let's just say,

it's a good thing I'm not the jealous kind of wife.

Losing her, and Matthew, it really broke Charlie's heart.

Anyway...

Anyway, obviously, now that the police charge

isn't hanging over you, there's no leverage either side.

We all get to do things right, through the courts.

It's my feeling that cutting a deal could feel like blackmail.

This is a child we're talking about.

Not the price of a second-hand car.

Matthew will have to find out who he is

and where he comes from, whatever happens legally.

You're a big part of that story.

Sorry. I'm going on.

Your friend's coming, you've got to work.

Nerves.

I don't want to make any of this worse.

You called us.

I'm guessing you're wanting to talk about the solicitor's letter?

Tell me about your life in Ireland.

OK.

Well, I work part-time, with "the naughty children".

So my niece calls them. Kids who've had a hard start.

Charlie's still at the hotel, so there's flexibility.

Either one of us could always be around for Matthew.

Not that...

What I mean is, we wouldn't have a problem with childcare.

My dad passed away a couple of years ago and he left us some money,

so we don't have a mortgage.

We've got a paddock out back.

Matthew could learn to ride our old nag, if he wanted.

Amy and Ricky, too, when they visit.

How I was brought up, cousins are as good as brother and sister, Jack.

Family's family.

Connections don't just disappear.

My own brother and his kids are down the lane and my ma's in the village.

The other old nag.

Ricky said, can he have a biscuit?

No, I never! Matthew wants a biscuit.

Hello.

Do you know, I've got - if you're allowed - I've got some sweets

for you all in my bag.

-Go on.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Hello.

Don't you look like your daddy?

I'd like you to leave now.

Come here, mate.

D'you know, this business plan is brilliant for a first draft.

We've just got to make those couple of tweaks,

but I'm really impressed.

I suppose my only question

is why the rota has got quite so many holes.

Yeah. That'll be Whitney, partly.

The casual with the family problems?

Yeah, but, you know, she'll be back here, guaranteed.

You know, she'll be sorting herself out, soon as...

You're so old school.

D'you know what? I really love your loyalty, Mick,

but they call it casual for a reason.

Yeah. You know, Tracey ain't with us at the moment -

but if I need Sharon, I'll just give her a bell.

Listen, I've got a really lovely agency that a lot of my clients use.

Why don't I give them a call?

We can carry on with our upgrade

and I'll find you a replacement Whitney in no time.

-You've lost the bet.

-You think?

You set him up.

Best 20 quid I ever spent.

Right.

Oh, lovely.

I'll see you later.

Yeah, I'll see you later. Mind how you go.

What?

OK, OK. Right, that's it. No more water pistols in the house.

Thank you. Matthew, Matthew's winning here. Because Matthew...

Matthew is the only one being quiet.

Good boy.

Yeah, it's been one of them days.

Just thought, you know, if the offer of that single malt was still up?

Yeah. You're doing me a favour, mate.

I've been bunnying all afternoon about this business plan

Johnny done. He might as well have done it in Arabic.

I just don't know where to turn.

I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do, Mick.

Just let it out.

You know, missing Ronnie, it physically hurts.

Yeah.

And the irony is, it's her that I want to talk to about it.

Every day, it's like something to get through.

You feel useless without her.

I keep saying to myself, you know, "Come on, for God's sake, man up."

-No. I think you're doing a blinding job.

-I'm not.

I ain't coping.

I'm that close, I scare myself.

If it weren't for them kids needing me...

I wouldn't wash, I wouldn't eat.

I wouldn't want to wake up.

Yeah, well...

You know, you are and you do.

You're just... You're just doing the best you can.

It ain't good enough.

I'm not doing any of it well enough.

I'm lucky if I get a couple of hours work in a day.

I mean, that can't last.

How am I going to live?

There's only one of me.

I can't stretch myself that thin.

And them kids...

They deserve so much better.

I just keep thinking...

"..Ronnie, what would she want?"

She'd want more.

She'd want what's best for her kid, wouldn't she?

You're going to give yourself a nervous breakdown,

-then you're going to be no good to no-one here.

-It's two parents.

Fresh air, fields.

And nappies that actually fit him.

He's such a good kid.

Charlie...

..and his missus, I met her, Liz...

..she's nice.

I mean, they're not monsters.

They've got a horse.

What's that got to do with it?

I just can't fight it any more, Mick.

I mean, this court case?

What am I doing?

Who do I think I am?

Matthew, it's his biological father.

I mean, all that love?

I just don't know what to do.

Just...

stop trying.

I think you do know what to do, because you just told me.

Oh, look at him!

-Hello?

-Liz?

Yeah, it's Jack Branning.

Hello, Jack.

Listen, I want to come and visit your house.

I want to see it.

And I want it written down,

I want all the rules agreed.

Right.

And you need to spend a lot more time with Matthew,

because, as far as he's concerned,

you're a stranger...

and Matthew's just a little baby.

OK, Jack.

So, you can tell Charlie...

You tell him, I won't be fighting you.

You can have residence...

..and you can take Matthew to Ireland.