27/06/2017 EastEnders

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Go away! You silly cat!

PHONE RINGS

Oh!

Oh! Aah...

Oh! Oh, oh!

Look what... Look what you made me do.

Ah. Oh!

Aaah. Oh.

Any problems, and I mean anything, you give me a bell, yeah?

Yep, course.

Hey, come on. Don't look so down in the mouth.

-It's training day!

-Hey!

Your mate better not be into trust exercises and stupid corporate videos.

I have no idea what he's into, yeah?

The last time I worked with Robbie,

the only thing he needed to do his job with was a broom.

Well, looks like we are about to find out, doesn't it?

I can't wait to tell Shrimpy when he gets back from holiday

that he's got a corporate training day ahead of him.

All right.

You picked a fine time to start showing your face again.

Look, I know Mr Jackson might have some strange ideas...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Please tell me we don't have to start calling him Mr Jackson!

..but, well, if you give him a chance, you never know.

He might have something useful to tell you.

I'm saying nothing.

Derek, you don't think Yolande came down to spy on us, do you?

What?

Well, you know - how clean the shop is,

are we doing the shifts that we're meant to be doing...

I just find it a bit odd that you'd travel all the way down

from Birmingham just to talk about an admin error.

I don't think spying's really her thing, do you?

No. No, maybe you're right.

It's more Mr Beckett's style

and I know she's not very keen on him, so...

Just being paranoid, I guess.

Cheers.

Oh! Patrick says you owe him a drink, by the way.

Do I?

Missed out on his birthday?

Oh! Everybody has an off-day. I'm sorry I've let him down.

Yeah. Is everything all right?

Cos you seemed a little bit out of sorts last night.

Answer me this.

How many times has Yolande Trueman set foot in here over the years?

None, that I can think of.

But, then again, she's higher up on the food chain.

She does need to really show her face with Mr Beckett hanging around.

Hm. Well, I am developing a conspiracy theory

that she is checking up on us.

I mean, you don't think they're talking

about closing the branches, do you?

I've just seen him put a magazine up his jacket.

I mean, should I call the police?

No, no, no, no, no.

No, you keep your distance,

otherwise it'll be you hauled up in front of a judge,

or worse, his mother!

Come on. He's a kid, for heaven's sake!

I'm not going to ask you why you're not at school

nor point out that this isn't a library,

but I did think I made it clear last time

that shoplifting would not be tolerated.

Are you accusing me of something?

Oh, come on. My colleague saw you.

Oh! Oh, I get it. She saw me,

so you automatically take her word over mine.

Are you racist, is that it?

What, cos I'm black I've got to be nicking something, yeah?

Come on - there's no need to be so confrontational about things!

Don't touch me, you old queer!

Hey! Don't speak to him like that!

Yeah, that's right. Everyone knows what you are.

You all right, Derek?

Yeah, I'm fine, thanks, Honey.

Oi! Any news on them exam results yet or what?

Oh, er, there's a problem with the uni computer system.

-They don't know when they'll be out.

-Oh.

Don't think they do thongs in your size!

This to do with Linda's birthday present?

Because women do not lay awake at night hoping for naughty knickers.

Yeah, well, I've been racking my brains, ain't I?

I've been thinking -

what's she really wanted over the last 20-odd years?

-The ability to hold a tune?

-Ha-ha-ha(!)

Instead of making snidey comments, why don't you make yourself useful?

Some decorations from the Jubilee out the back. Go and get 'em.

Might be able to use 'em on Friday.

Yeah. I can do that.

Yeah, go on. Off you pop.

Ta da.

You know what, though?

I think I'm just going to have to give this thing a chance.

Cos even though Robbie is, like, a bit of a plonker, you know,

he's all right once you get to know him.

You can tolerate him.

Oh, look, pens!

Good morning, Bridge Street Traders!

Good morning, Bridge Street Traders!

Morning!

As you should all know by now, I'm Mr Jackson.

And along with Mrs Kazemi,

I'm going to be your market enforcement officer,

and I want us all to get off to the best possible start.

By dragging us all in here and making us sit here all day?

I know you probably think I'm just some know-it-all who's spent

their life reading from books and not getting their hands dirty.

Trust me, no-one in this room is thinking that.

But I started on the market.

I was just like all of you once.

What, you ran a stall?

I was sanitation supervisor, actually.

My point is, if I can better myself, then so can all of you.

And...I'm here to help. Lights, Winston, please.

Now, I will talk you through the agenda of today

after this short presentation.

Oh, wow.

LAUGHTER

SHE SHIVERS

Someone... Someone will come and find us.

Soon.

Patrick or Ian or Sharon.

They see me as one of the family.

They won't let me lie here for long.

We just got to wait.

We got to be patient.

I didn't need no-one keeping an eye on me

when I had my Jim or Arthur...

..Fatboy.

It was me looking out for them.

When did it all change, I wonder?

When was the last time that Ian and Sharon popped in out of the blue?

I can't remember.

Not unless, you know, they had a reason...

..or they needed something...

Oh, dear.

I meant to ask you - how did Dot's rum cake go down last night?

Wish I knew. She didn't show up in the end.

I'm sure it's cos she didn't want Patrick to see her soggy bottom.

THEY LAUGH

Actually, I wanted to check how you were after Keegan.

I keep asking him every two minutes and he's saying nothing.

Because I am fine!

Thank you for your concern - both of you - but there really is no need.

That Keegan is out of control if you ask me. I don't know how Carmel

stomachs having him in her house, I really don't.

Nah, I wouldn't want my Will getting involved with a boy like that.

Used to wonder what the family are like but now we know, don't we?

Scumbags, the lot of 'em.

D'you know, I really... I would've stepped in, it's just...

what with my history, with, um...

I am a grown man.

I think I can deal with a gobby teenager, don't you?

Right - who wants to sum up what we've just seen?

Donna.

Oh, that was a pointless load of twaddle and you are -

how can I put this nicely?

Ooh, brace yourselves.

A massive waste of skin.

With a bad suit.

And even worse hair.

Can we get back to our actual jobs now, or...?

Anyone else got anything to add?

Actually, mate, she's right.

Yeah, I mean I wouldn't have said the thing about your hair,

right, but...

actually, the rest of it does seems pretty spot on.

Martin? You haven't said much.

No.

No, I just don't think that we're really used to the whole, like,

corporate speak thing, Rob, you know.

Why don't you try speaking like actual English?

Don't encourage him to say all that rubbish again!

The three Ps are not rubbish, Donna!

Look...

If we make the market more efficient,

we become more productive and what does that maximise?

That's right!

-Pounds.

-Erm...

-Pounds.

-Pounds, pounds.

And how do we get to that endgame?

You guessed it!

Pre...

pared...

ness!

And do you actually know how we might do any of those things?

Yeah.

You should go into politics, mate.

Why don't we call that lunch?

Wow.

"Robbie's all right once you get to know him."

You'd probably think a vial full of Ebola was, like,

just misunderstood, Martin!

Come on.

Now, you sure you're going to be all right on your own this afternoon?

Helen sounded as if she was at death's door.

She needs to be at home.

Cos I can always stay for a bit if you think you might be stretched.

If Keegan should return, I will contact the nearest woman or child.

-Happy?

-All right. No need to bite my head off.

I was only being friendly.

I'm sorry.

Now, call me if you need anything, all right?

Yeah, yeah, thank you.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Bridge Street Minute Mart?

'Derek? It's Yolande.'

Yolande.

You'll've had your meeting, then?

'I'm afraid it is just as I expected.

'We feel we have no choice

'but to pull you from the Back to Work scheme.'

Yeah, course, yep. You did warn me.

'You can work until the end of the week.

'I'm so sorry, Derek.'

No, I-I understand. I'll, er...

..I'll leave my fleece on Friday.

Steven. Talk to me, boy.

Shirl, get a bit of me.

Hey!

Oi, turn it in, will yous?

Your mother only turns 40 once,

you'd think they'd take it more seriously.

I'm going for a walk.

We're only having a laugh!

Well, I'm sorry. Shouldn't've took it out on yous.

That was Steven on the blower about the catering.

They've had a block booking,

which means they might not be able to do the food for the party.

So what? Caterers are a ten a penny in London.

Beales don't want the business, someone will.

I just wanted something to be straightforward!

Yeah, well, the decorations are great.

We'll get this place kitted out no problem.

So that leaves me to do the grub, the booze and the guest list, yeah?

Will you stop panicking?

Look, all Linda wants for her birthday is to be around her family.

Meaning I couldn't make this party perfect if I tried, yeah? Cheers.

Ah, no!

That bitter needs changing. Yeah, look at it.

He's really stressing out.

He does know this is just a party,

doesn't he, and not the actual Jubilee?

I suppose you think that was perfectly normal just now?

With Keegan?

Normal?

Well, you know, acceptable.

Banter.

Like that sort of thing doesn't affect you.

I wish I could explain.

I wish I could give you the first clue

as to what men like me had to go through

so that you and your friends could live as you live now.

Can you imagine the shame, Johnny?

The heartbreak of having to listen to that same sort of thing

day after day after day.

Being afraid to look at somebody the wrong way

in case it was misconstrued or in case you got arrested.

I'm sorry, Derek.

I don't know what else you want me to say.

I want you to stop turning the other cheek!

How dare you walk away when somebody speaks to me like that!

You can't have it both ways, Johnny.

You can't walk down the street holding hands with your boyfriend

and not call someone out who uses such horrible...

horribly offensive...

Look, I was in there buying a card! It was nothing to do with me!

-You ungrateful...

-Derek?

Do you think I wouldn't have liked to have been like you?

To have been accepted?

I could've had a career!

I could've really made something with my life,

but no, no, all that was ruined by...

..by small-minded little bigots like Keegan and people like you

who said, "It's nothing to do with me."

What was all that about?

It was about me standing by and doing nothing, as usual.

Derek's right - I should be ashamed of myself.

Hmmm!

Imagine all the stresses and the strains of the market washing away.

Ah, stop it!

Sorry.

You stop it.

Practice your mantras.

I am a clear-headed, successful businessperson.

ALL: I am a clear-headed, successful businessperson.

Right, that's it.

I'm sorry, but I... You know, you are properly taking the mick now.

Has it ever occurred to you, Donna, that the people who find it

difficult to meditate are the people that might need it the most?

I'm as keen on spending the council's money as the next person,

but the fact is, you've had us sitting here all morning

and we haven't even had a free biscuit!

So that's it. I'm off. Who's with me?

Hang on! We haven't finished.

We haven't written out our personal projection plans yet!

How 'bout I give you mine now?

No! No.

Actually, I think that's our cue to be going, don't you, yeah?

Know when not to push your luck, eh?

I will see you all on the market later on.

We can talk through your personal projection plans then!

Yes. Thanks, Rob.

You hate him as much as the rest of us. Admit it.

Derek, it's Denise.

Will you give me a call back when you get this?

What're you doing? You going to go and check up on Dot?

Well, I thought, after last night, you know...

I mean, it's not like Dot to say she's going to be somewhere,

then not turn up.

Yeah, well, there must be something in the water.

There's a few people acting out of character today.

Ah, no, it doesn't matter. It'll sort itself out.

Well, go on, then, be a Good Samaritan.

Dot!

Help me!

Please!

I've fallen!

I can't get up! Please! Please!

Help me!

Dot!

If you're looking for the old biddy,

I'm pretty sure I see her go out before.

"The old biddy?"

Yeah - what's her name? Doris?

Oi, where's your purse?

None of your business is where!

D'you always let your kids talk to you like that?

Yeah, cos you're one to judge.

He never got a slap off me. Him, or the dog.

She's probably nipped out to the shops or across to see Abi.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Oh, did I tell you? Yolande texted me this morning.

"Thanks for a wonderful evening."

Yeah, man. I still got it, you know.

-Yeah, man.

-You haven't lost it.

It doesn't sound... as if he's coming back.

Sounds like you had fun this morning.

Are you joking?

It was about as much fun as a broken leg and twice as painful.

I don't suppose you know why the Minute Mart's shut, do you?

No, it's not in my jurisdiction. Staffing problems? Who knows?

I know you're really enjoying your new job at the council,

but you're the best market enforcement officer

we have ever had. Please don't leave us in the lurch.

Well, yesterday you said I was leaving you in the lurch

for not being here half the time.

Yeah, and now I wish I hadn't shot my mouth off!

Listen, turn up one hour a week

and you'd still be better than that numpty.

I'm not just thinking of myself here.

I'm not sure I could be held responsible for my actions

if I have to share a public space with him day in, day out.

Yeah, the paperwork's been signed.

Not sure I could back out even if I wanted to.

Looks like you and Mr Jackson

are just going to have to get used to each other.

Mum. Speaking of getting used to people...

Don't know how to say this gently.

Me and Denise are back together.

Come on, say something.

Thanks for letting me know.

Say something else.

Sorry about being stroppy before.

I told her. You just wanted Friday to be special.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Linda's so weird when it comes to the Royals.

You'd think she actually grew up with them,

the amount of photos she's got knocking around.

She used to cut pictures of Diana out of the papers

-when she was a kid.

-S'like me and Sinitta!

Elaine, she used to put them in a scrap book.

It's one of the things she showed me when we first met.

Really proud of it, she was, bless her.

What're you so happy about?

I know what I want to get Linda for her birthday.

Hello!

I'll have a lemonade. Patrick?

Rum!

You're really stretching out your birthday, ain't you?

You feeling better?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to mother you, it's just,

you seemed a little bit shaken after what happened.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's happened?

-No, it's nothing, Dad.

Just leave it, all right?

Yeah. It was just a little bit of a confrontation, that's all.

What, someone been giving it to you?

Cos if they have, you walk away. That's what we always taught you.

Yeah, that's what you always taught me!

Lee and Nancy, you told them to stick up for themselves, but, what?

Poor old Johnny has to be wrapped up in cotton wool.

I don't think that's what your dad meant.

No, you say walk away, but where's that got me?

When am I going to stop and finally stand up for what I believe in?

Since when does the Minute Mart shut this time of the day?

It doesn't normally.

No fixed hours,

customers not knowing whether they're coming or going...

Sounds like the Minute Mart could do

-with a dose of the Robbie Jackson treatment!

-Yeah.

So, be honest, how do you think that went earlier?

-Honest?

-HE CLEARS THROAT

You really made an impression, Rob. Yeah.

You keep that up, mate,

you'll have this place whipped into shape in no time.

I was dead nervous about coming back, you know.

Was you? Right, well, you know, that's good to hear, mate.

Cos I've gotta say, you've come across a little bit...

-what's the word?

-Confident?

Up yourself, actually.

But listen, don't worry, they don't know you like I do.

-They'll soon come round.

-Thanks, mate.

I can't believe Sonia never mentioned that you were moving back.

Does she know you've got this job?

There are no secrets between me and Son.

Really? It's just that we speak together on the phone, like,

-every other week about Bex.

-Sonia is your ex, Martin.

I doubt she tells you everything, do you?

Anyway, she probably didn't want to make you feel bad, you know,

start comparing yourself to me.

You think?

Well, yeah, I mean, I've got this brand-new job,

a swanky new apartment by the tube station.

What, the really expensive ones?

Blimey.

Of course, they don't let you have any pets -

far too upmarket for that.

That's about the only silver lining to losing Wellard II.

Anyway, I should go in and check on Bex and say hi.

'Bout time she had a male role model she can really look up to.

Say it.

I think...I hate Robbie Jackson.

Mick, I need your credit card.

What?

Right. You and Linda, yeah, ten nights in Klosters.

Just a click of a button away. The perfect birthday present.

What, Tenerife sold out, was it?

It's Klosters, you plum. Where Lady Di and Charles used to go.

Look, just think about it.

Linda, she can live out her Lady Di fantasy, and you,

well, you can be propping up the bar.

Oh, yeah, and I spoke to Tina.

She had a word with Kathy. They're doing the catering on Friday -

you know, just like finger foods

and sandwiches, but just like the Jubilee.

Who says I can't do perfect?

Thanks, Mum.

If you look at that clock one more time...

I can't help it.

Look, until I come face-to-face with her, I will keep on worrying,

all right?

Look, just finish your drink and go.

But if she's safe as houses eating that rum cake all to herself,

don't say I didn't warn you!

KNOCKING

DOOR OPENS

Patrick?

Hello?

-That you?!

-Dot, it's only me. It's only Sonia.

Oh. Where are you?

-Dot?

-Son.

What on Earth has happened?!

Hang on, Dot.

-How long...

-Oh!

-How long have you been down here? Eh?

Why has no-one been to check on you? Eh?

Nobody knew.

Oh...

Nobody...to blame.

Well, it isn't going to happen again. Ever. D'you understand?

I'm back now.