03/07/2017 EastEnders

-Go.

-OK, so he's had the last of the cornflakes. I'm working.

I contribute. I pay my way.

-I'm the one that's sleeping on the floor.

-That's five.

-Go.

-I was hungry.

OK, right, well, go for the even cheaper brand,

-buy two boxes between you. Done.

-But that's not the point.

Done!

-Now you're just in the line-up cos you like lining up, right?

-Yeah.

Clear off.

I don't feel well. I'm ill.

You're fine.

-I feel sick, Mum. I'm sick.

-Have you been sick? Off you go.

All of ya!

-What do you want?

-Fiver.

-Yeah? Elaborate.

-School trip.

That is my last fiver.

You're lucky our benefits go in today, boy.

Sonia? Have you seen where I've...

There's a good boy. PURRING

Just need that for work and we'll both enjoy a lovely day...

MEOW

Right, you two, you behave yourselves. Be nice.

Right, over to you.

-You've got my number if you need me, yeah?

-Yeah. No problem.

OK, my darlings. Who's ready for school?

Where are you from?

I'm from Norway. Do you know Norway?

Never mind. Tonight I'll make you a nice Norwegian dinner.

Yeah?

Or one of your favourites?

No?

OK, I'll surprise you, then. Come on, let's get going.

Ah, good morning to you too.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just returning this to my lovely sister.

We like to share things.

How did you get in?

Come on, when has that back door ever been locked?

Look, about the other night...

Oh, you don't have to thank me. I know I'm good.

How many times do I have to say this to you?

It meant nothing, remember? You can't just come in here whenever...

-Hey, babe.

-Yes, Abi, thank you. It's my only decent one.

-We're going to need to go shopping.

-Yeah, no problem.

-I've made you some pancakes.

-No, I can't. I've gotta go.

But I took Louie to Stacey, you've got an extra ten minutes.

I know, but I've got an early meeting.

Look, the quicker I get there, the quicker I get back, yeah?

-See you later.

-See you.

-See you.

-Bye, Abs.

-Well,

-I

-get home early. You know, if you get bored.

Listen, mate, the cash point told me I got insufficient funds...

Oi, are you blind or something?

Steady on, wheels. Who took the jam out of your doughnut?

-'Hello?'

-Yeah?

Nah, nah, nah, they were free trials. I cancelled.

-'And there's a large payment to a telecommunications company...'

-Keegan. I'm going to kill him.

-'I'm sorry, Mrs...'

-Yeah, well, sorry ain't going to put food on my table, is it, mate?

You all right, Mick?

She didn't even get a chance to read it.

I'm going to have to tell her about Klosters at some point and all.

How was she when you took Ollie back?

She was all right.

I met her over the park.

Elaine's getting better, but she don't want no visitors.

You miss her.

And it's hard.

But keep your chin up. She'll be back soon, yeah?

-I'm going to go and make a start downstairs.

-All right.

Mick...

I'm here if you need me.

Relax. You've explained the conviction to Yolande.

Now I'm going to make a start on the disregard process, yeah?

-It'll be fine. Trust me.

-OK.

£1.89?

You know, once upon a time you'd need a mask and a shotgun

to rob people.

These places, they're insured up to their eyeballs.

You know, a few things go missing, it's a leakage, ain't it?

You know, meanwhile you're earning tuppence chasing kids out the shop

cos they fancy a five finger discount.

I'm sorry, can I help you?

Well, maybe we can help each other.

How's about that delivery that you got comes up a little short?

You know, a few things go missing off the aisles?

You look away? We go 50/50 on what you can make.

Insurance pays out, you play dumb, and everyone's a winner.

The only victims?

Well, the poor souls still paying £1.89.

How's that sound?

Del?

A word to the wise.

This is a law-abiding area.

Well, mostly...

The Queen Victoria lost a barmaid recently.

If you need money, why don't you apply for a job there?

-And first impressions count for a lot.

-Oh, Del!

What, has no-one got a sense of humour round here?

I go to the toilet and the cat's waiting outside for me.

I eat my breakfast, I look up. He's there.

-Staring. All...om-u-nous.

-Ominous?

Ominous. I think he can sense I'm a dog person.

I need to win him over. I can't live like this.

Meanwhile, in the real world, I'm going to go and see

if I can get our flat deposit back.

You are coming later, aren't you? To the hospital, to see Dot with me?

Yeah, course.

Donna! We need to talk about your pitch fees.

Personal space, Rob, remember?

Have you heard the news?

The council are having a meeting about the new rail route.

You have got a market full of traders who are worried

that there'll be no market in a few years.

Never mind pitch fees, you need to galvanise the troops, rule book.

And you're the man to do it, right?

Yes!

Steve and Christine Barber?

Shadwell? They ran The Rose, The Dog and Duck? Ring any bells?

Anyway, I pulled a few in their bars back in the day,

and not just pumps, believe me.

Now, they were proper trouble pubs.

You know, I barred more than I served some nights.

A nice family pub like this? Easy-peasy.

Look, I know I've stepped on a few toes round here early doors,

but a book as good as mine can't be judged by the cover.

I'm sweet as sugar once you get to know me.

Plus, I'm cash in hand, I'm cheap and I'm very, very flexible.

-Well, look. I'm really sorry, but the position's been filled...

-Oh...

..but Beales' hiring people.

Beales? That poncey restaurant up the road?

Yeah. Have you met Ian Beale?

He's a top bloke. Got a heart of gold.

-He'll help you out.

-Thank you.

Nice to know you look out for each other round here.

Yeah, see you later. Heart of gold?

Thank you.

Hi.

I come bearing gifts.

So basically, it's just another training day?

Training awayday.

I was saving it for later in the year,

but considering the news, I think we should bring it forward.

Galvanise the old market spirit. So who's with me, eh?

Date and venue to be arranged, obviously.

We should take it to a vote. It'll be fun and informative.

So this is council funded, is it?

-Not exactly, no.

-No, right, so we've gotta fork out for cover

and pay for the privilege, yeah?

Look, Rob, if that rail route goes ahead, mate,

we're the ones who'll get squeezed out

when the prices go up and all the yuppies move in.

-Yeah, yuppies like markets though, don't they?

-Yes,

I think they'll like it down here. They love a bit of the old school.

Rob, we don't need a pep talk, mate. What we need is reassurances.

And what we definitely don't need is some weekend away

doing trust falls or whatever, all right?

All right?

MEOW

People say to me, "Karen, I don't know how you do it.

"Raising six kids all on your own, making ends meet."

I tell 'em, I say listen...

I don't switch channels when the Red Nose is on and there's sad bits.

You know, there's a lot worse off.

You do what you have to do to survive.

And as much as it pains me,

sometimes I have to go cap in hand to people with hearts of gold.

People like me?

What can I say? You know, your reputation's good, Ian.

-You know, see people like us...

-People like us?

You know, working class, you know, salt-of-the-earth types.

We look out for each other, don't we?

And there's not many of us left.

So if there's anything I can do, cash in hand, I'm your woman.

Why should we let the taxman take bread out of our kids' mouths,

right?

Are you done?

I've heard the stories.

I know exactly who you are and what you are.

Your rent's paid for you, you got a flatscreen TV on the wall

where your feral kids run havoc, you're walking around expecting

a favour from everyone and your hand's out asking for more and more,

while the rest of us have to work our fingers to the bone

to pay for you.

So, you and me, right, we are nothing alike.

And this restaurant, and Walford, are better off without you.

Do you know what?

You don't know me at all.

Limehouse Light?

Is there nothing sacred any more?

Well, that's the ale, and this is the Stepney Stout,

from a lovely little micro brewery in Hackney. Lovely chap.

Let me have a little guess. Great big beard, clear lens bins,

never set foot in Stepney in his life, am I right?

-Actually...

-Yeah, I just...

Honestly, these flat-white-sipping mugs,

they've already took Hoxton, they've already took Brick Lane,

they've already took flat cap wearing off of us, so I can't

have 'em, you know, using Stepney and Limehouse to turn a pound note.

-I can't do it. I can't!

-Are you going to let me finish or...?

-Yes, I'm going to let you finish.

-Right.

Well, actually this lovely chap is born and bred in Bow, E3.

And he's really authentic.

So you spend a couple of weeks in an East London boozer

and you're an expert all of a sudden. Is that what you're telling me, yeah?

Well, I wouldn't say expert, but I do know a few things.

I have done my homework.

Enlighten me.

All right.

You love Ray Winstone, Champagne Charlie

and Bobby Moore unconditionally.

You won't go "saaf" of the river unless it's extremely necessary

and you hate the fact that now when you go on holiday you get

mistaken for Essex boys because of certain reality TV show.

Am I right?

It's about on.

Right. So I think that we should have a little bet.

If we sell out, we do the promotion.

And if we don't, then I will doff my phantom flat cap to a certain

landlord cos he obviously knows best. Deal?

Deal.

Unbelievable.

-Oh!

-Here, I'll give you an hand.

You see these? Grinch green.

Thanks.

-You ain't got a carer? Nah? Someone to help you out?

-No, I don't...

Don't you be put off by them forms. That's what they want.

You need a hand applying, I'm at 23B. Karen Taylor.

Oh.

I'm Jane.

They usually leave this to the community service boys.

You live round here or what?

Er, yeah. This is for Walford in Bloom.

-Walford in what?

-Bloom. It's a competition.

Oh, right? What is that a cash prize or...?

No, it's more like a community thing.

Bernadette Rihanna Taylor, get here now!

You should try a salt beef bye-gal. That's real East End, that is.

You mean a bagel?

-Oh, no, round here we say bye-gals.

-Bye-gal?

-Bye-gal.

-Bye-gal.

-Bye-gal.

-Bye-gal.

-That's it. There you go, she's got it.

No, no, no, actually, actually, you want real authentic?

-Pie and mash.

-Oh, yeah.

-Pie and mash?

Yeah, blast a load of liquor over that. It's beautiful.

A liquor? No, no, no, it's for the children.

Nah, nah, no, it's like a green sort of juice that...

-Ah! Having fun, are we?

-Thank you very much.

-OK...

KIM MIMICS THEIR LAUGHTER

-Now here's the thing...

-Hm?

-I was...

Just buying me lunch? An expensive lunch, yeah?

Come on, I'm hungry.

I said come on!

Six missed calls from school? Did you even go in this morning?

I'm ill, Mum. I feel sick. I'm tired all the time...

Yeah, sick and tired? You and me both, love.

You're awake all night eating multipacks of crisps.

You're not ill, you need to control your eating.

Oh, what, like you?

You had a whole Vienetta to yourself last night.

Marley And Me was on and Bronson nearly drowned recently.

Excuse me for having a soul.

I can't help feeling sick, can I?

-Right, you're going back to school now.

-But, Mum, I just...

-Now!

I'm going to ring the school in half an hour and if you're not there

then I'm going to be sitting in lessons with you all week.

Your choice.

The way she talks to me!

I need a cuppa. You fancy a cuppa?

Well, I was going to watch the tennis actually.

Ah, I love the tennis!

That Spanish one with the big arms, he still play does he?

Well, what about me stuff?

That'll be a pound, girls, please. Thank you.

Now I do love him, Joan, it's just Ted can be a bit of a pest

when he's under your feet all hours.

They're born pests, Joycie.

-Here, he likes a bit of gardening, don't he?

-Mm.

Why don't you send him over the allotments?

He might make some friends.

Who knows, you might get a bit of peace and quiet, eh?

Right.

So, that's nearly all the light gone, and almost half the stout.

So, do you concede or shall we drag it out for a little bit longer?

Yeah, all right. Even novelty sells for a nickel a bottle.

Come on, cheer up. Most married men would thank their lucky stars

for a flyby conjugal visit and then time away from the wife.

You know, I threw a party for her. I wanted to make it all special.

And she gets that text and runs off and I should be gutted, but...

I was relieved.

It was awkward.

And I love her with all my heart.

Maybe I'm just getting used to her not being here.

I dunno.

I think she probably feels the same.

Come on. This needs "the guvnor's" seal of approval.

Oh, "the guvnor", yeah?

OK, let's have a bang on this then, yeah.

Ah! So nice.

See? I think we should invest. Roman Road Rose? Canning Town Cava?

-Dream with me, Mick.

-Yeah, yeah. Don't push your luck, all right?

Save the rest of that for the raving salts up there, all right?

I mean, I'm no angel, but I'm a good mum.

My Keanu, he's doing his apprenticeship,

and Bernadette, well, she could easy stay on at sixth form.

Keegan, he...

Well, he's got all his swimming badges.

You know, I just think it's wrong for people to judge.

You know, no offence, but it feels very judgey round here.

Well, if it's any consolation, you know, I thought you dealt

with your daughter really well today. I was impressed.

-Oh, thanks, Jeanie!

-Jane. It's Jane.

I mean, who does that old boy in the shop think he is?

You know, working for peanuts at his age?

I bet your life some Thai bride used him for a visa and pension.

And if that old bird in the pub think's she's got one up on me

she can think again.

And then there was this toad of a man and he was...

DOOR OPENS

-Shot!

-Is that your...?

Oh, Karen, this is my husband, Ian.

Karen Taylor. Nice to meet ya.

I know that look.

Look? What look?

Half smug, half content.

You seeing someone or what?

-What do you think, eh? Too tarty?

-Nah. Just tarty enough.

Yeah?

-Will you bring this home for me?

-Yeah, yeah.

So, I didn't get pancakes this morning,

so you could at least buy me coffee.

What's this?

You'll be careful, won't you, about the front door lock?

Cos it's inclined to be tricky.

It's not like the old days, you know.

Once, you could leave your door open.

Nowadays the burglars'd have a field day.

-Yeah, don't worry. I've got the hang of it now.

-Don't you worry,

nobody's going to try and get in with me about, are they?

How's me little Davey?

Ah, he's great. Isn't he, Rob?

Yeah. He's lovely.

Well, you will watch him, won't you? Cos he's apt to slip out.

He's been on the wander three times already.

Yeah, don't worry. I'll keep an eye on him. Promise.

Now, I thought we could talk about sleeping arrangements.

Sleeping arrangements?

Yeah. Well, obviously Robbie's going to have the little room,

-but then we've got Rebecca...

-Robbie?

Yeah.

Why, what's wrong?

Well, I'm sorry, Sonia, but I only agreed to you moving in,

not the pair of you.

This is pie and mash, but with lingonberry sauce.

Lingon-what?

Lingonberry. So this is a British and Norwegian combination.

Just like us, yeah?

But pie and mash has liquor.

Yes, I know that, but this is lingonberry.

Child-friendly non-alcoholic lingonberry.

But we like liquor.

OK, but I thought we could just try it.

Maybe?

INGRID SIGHS

This country and alcohol!

OK. You don't want that? Fine. But you need to eat.

So, choose something, and choose quickly. Come on.

Sorry, Sonia, but I can't risk losing me house again, can I?

But there's a spare room, Dot. I just thought that I could...

Robbie, I'm sorry.

No, look, it's all right. Let's talk about it later, OK?

-Yeah.

-You're due some painkillers soon.

I'm going to go and grab you a cup of tea and talk to a nurse.

See that? No spine.

It's not for dunking. What else you got?

Sorry, we keep treats to a healthy minimum, cos Ian's got diabetes.

Oh, that's a shame.

I thought I had that once.

Turned out it was a water infection. Anyone for a top up?

Oh, no.

Anyway, I was telling you about that old toad of a man...

Do you know what? Actually, Karen, we've got plans.

And here's me keeping you.

Well, you know, it was a pleasure to meet you both.

You, too. Another time, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. Another time.

Here, a long shot, but you don't know of any jobs going, do you?

You know, maybe I could do a little bit of cleaning round here?

Help you out?

It's just that I'm really hard up at the moment, and...

Well, you two, you seem to be the nicest people I've met round here.

Well, Ian was saying that, you know,

we need a bit of cleaning done at the restaurant.

-Give Karen a trial. See how she gets on.

-Yeah. Why not?

That'd be amazing! I won't let you down.

Oh, no. That's not the time, is it?

-I'm not going to make it.

-What's wrong?

Oh, it's not to worry, I've just...

I'm on my way to pawn my nan's ring, you know.

I just need a bit of money to tide me over,

but I don't think I'm going to get to Bow in time

before it shuts, am I?

I'm sure we can give you an advance to help tide you over.

-Go on, Ian.

-Oh, no, you shouldn't do that.

You know, I don't want you to think I've come round here

like a charity case.

We have all been there. Haven't we, Ian?

You two, got hearts of gold, you have. Nice one.

So, this is her? You follow her?

Don't even know I'm doing it half the time.

It's like I can't help myself.

But what's the point?

It's not as if you can see her, Steven.

You're just following a dot on a screen.

She could be doing anything in there with Josh.

Why waste your time?

I mean...

I'm here. You can see me.

Do you know what?

You're right.

Have some of me, son.

Your mum starts the day skint, overdrawn, and insulted,

and ends up with fags, Chinese,

and a job conned off some jumped-up little mug.

Just another day in the life of Karen Taylor!

Where is everybody?

Keegan's out with Chat and Riley. Bern's in bed. Did you get chips?

Yes, Mum!

Bernadette! What are you doing? I've brought you Chinese in there.

What's wrong with you? What, you want to end up like me?

I can't help it, all right? I'm just hungry.

I'm hungry all the time. I don't mean it... I'm...

All right, all right, calm down, calm down. Come on, come on.

Got your prawn toast in there, yeah? Come on.

Come and sit down.

Do you like the stuffed crust? With the cheese and garlic?

Mm.

Dough balls?

Yeah. With the butter dip.

Yes, I love the butter dip.

What's Norway like?

It's OK.

Oh, but we don't put alcohol on our pies, so you wouldn't like it.

How are you lot doing? Good day?

Good. Ooh, look at that pizza! Mm!

Sis, you've got to talk to her.

What do you want me to do, grill her on her hospital bed?

No, I'm just saying...

I will talk to her when she's up to it, OK?

Rob, we lost our deposit today, I'm nowhere near unpacked, now

just please let me sit here and have this microwave meal in peace, yeah?

When was the last time you saw Dave?

This morning. Told you that.

SONIA SIGHS

-All right?

-FRONT DOOR CLOSES

Hey, you all right?

Where's little man?

-He's upstairs. Why don't you go and see him?

-Yeah.

Right, see you later, Mum.

-Don't be late.

-Yeah.

Still feeling sick, Bernie?

Why didn't you have any of that prawn toast? It's your favourite.

-It tasted funny.

-Tastes like prawn toast.

-I was watching that, Mum!

-Bernadette...

..how many weeks pregnant are you?