17/08/2017 EastEnders

PHONE BUZZES

Steven!

You been there all night?

Morning. Poached eggs?

You look shattered.

Coming from George Clooney himself.

Oi! I heard that.

Sorry, Dad, it's just... Rough night.

Look, I know what it's like. All right?

Your other half's away and it's like missing a body part,

you can't function properly.

You'll be missing a body part if you don't hurry up with breakfast.

Someone's got low blood sugar this morning.

She's...she's back later this afternoon, isn't she? Lauren?

Yeah. Yeah, she is.

PHONE BUZZES

Hup!

And they say money doesn't make you happy.

Well, sure makes you miserable when you ain't got none, don't it?

Although, no, no, no, no, to be fair,

it's not even about the money, really.

So what is it, then? You finally feel like a Mitchell?

Well, yeah, I mean, we're a proper modern family now, ain't we?

Oh!

Here he is!

He's emerged from the pit!

You look terrible, mate.

Next time you go on a two-day bender,

don't forget my invite, all right?!

Come on. You'd better get your skates on. You've gotta open up!

Can't leave Lance and Cole on their tods again.

I ain't going in.

Oh, sort out, bruv - you had yesterday off.

Come on, go and get showered and changed.

You got a business to protect now.

I ain't going in. Cos I've quit.

Your mum just texted about the reservation fee on the new flat.

So...?

So, when are you going to tell her she can't live with us?

Oh, look, you know what these new-builds are like -

it won't be ready for months, will it?

Yeah, I'll tell her. Next week.

-Today.

-All right, fine.

You got any idea what was the matter with Steven?

He was in a bit of a mood earlier.

It's probably just pre-wedding jitters.

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

Nah, it's all right... He's here now.

-Listen, Max...

-Listen to me! I warned you, didn't I?

I went there... I couldn't!

Please, Max, there must be some other way to do this.

-Well, there ain't.

-I don't want to go to prison.

Please. I will do anything else, I promise.

You take Ian's car and you do what I said.

Because otherwise Lauren's going to find out

about your sick little lie when she gets back tonight.

Are we clear?

Got a good feeling about this one.

I think advertising is right up my street.

Do you know what?

I'm going to defrost that cottage pie we've been saving.

What, to celebrate? You think I'm going to get it?

Mwah!

You just do your best, love. Yeah? That's all you can do.

Right, love, I'm off to the bank.

Before or after you've spoken to your mother?

Jane, how can I tell her? it's going to break her heart.

-But, Ian...

-DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

All right?

Look, I was going to wait

until the night before the wedding to give you these but...

..now's as good a time as any.

They were my dad's.

I've worn them at every one of my weddings.

So definitely NOT a lucky charm.

-Can I ask you a question?

-Yeah, sure.

Do you think I should just tell her...

..er, about the wedding?

That I'm nervous? Do you think I should just be honest?

-As you know, I've been around the block...

-Mmm.

..a few times.

And what I've learned...

is you need to be straight with each other,

because then, no matter how hard it gets,

you can find a way through it together.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Dad.

Right, I'm off.

So, about this "honesty" thing...

What is it with you, hey?

Phil's given you this chance,

and what - you're just going to let it slip through your fingers?

Chance. Is that what you call it?

Well, I've been given a wasteland -

you've been given a thriving business.

The Arches is leasehold.

The only valuable bit about it IS the business,

which is only worth something

if I keep working my fingers to the bone to keep it going.

OK. You have the car lot,

I'll have the garage.

I'm much better at fixing motors than I am flogging 'em, anyway.

-That's not the point.

-Well, what is the point, Ben?

That I don't measure up to any of you.

Nothing I do is good enough.

-That ain't true.

-Oh, he wants to see me struggle, Jay.

I'm going have to prove myself to him...

..every day for the rest of my life.

That's what this is about. That's why he gave me The Arches.

You don't half talk a load of rubbish.

Even some kid he had after a drunken bunk-up

gets an easier ride than me.

What kid?

You want it done, do it yourself. I'm out.

Steven?

Why'd you lie about your little tumour in the first place?

Well, I'll tell you why -

because you're hanging on to my daughter by a thread.

All I gotta do is bell her up.

It'll all be over.

Yeah? Well, it's better than going down for arson.

Sweet. All right. Have it your way.

So she finds out you're blackmailing me. Her own dad.

See, the thing is, me and Lauren. We've been there, done that.

She always comes back to me in the end.

Like you said, you know, I'm her dad.

You think she'll come back to you?

I'm going to tell her everything, Max.

Because this...this is an opportunity for the both of us

to come clean about everything.

A fresh start, a clean slate, yeah.

No more lies, no more secrets. Just...honesty.

Honesty? Steven, what are you talking about, mate?

What do you know about honesty?

Well, maybe if you'd tried

telling the truth

at some point in your life,

you wouldn't be the sad, lonely middle-aged geezer that you are.

Who did he...?

Denise.

Fox?

Him and Sharon were on one of their "breaks".

So you've got a little brother out there somewhere.

I don't need another brother.

In fact, I don't need a dad either.

Stop talking rubbish, you muppet.

Why does he keep doing it, then, Jay? Huh?

Why? Why does he keep kicking me again and again?

-Well, talk to him.

-Don't you think I've tried?

Well, why don't we get him and Sharon round to ours tonight?

We can have this all out in the open, in front of the family.

Mum, look, have a break. Come and sit yourself down.

I've got you a cup of tea on the house.

-I AM the manager, Ian.

-Yeah, yeah, I know...

Oh, listen, before I forget,

I'll get some cash out later for the reservation fee.

-Yeah, Mum, listen...

-You know, that way we can move quickly

if we find somewhere we all agree on.

And I've got some ideas for wallpaper - you know,

brighten the place up a bit.

I mean, these new-builds, they can be a bit soulless, can't they?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I was...

And listen, I know it's going to be a little bit tight for us all,

but I will give you your space, I promise.

You know what, it's going to be like a new start for all of us, ain't it?

You know? Together!

DOOR ENTRY BUZZER

Open the door! We know you're in there!

HE BANGS ON DOOR

'Ere!

I'm just the cleaner. Sorry, boys!

All right?

Welcome back.

Thank you.

-I'm going to go and check on Ollie.

-Yeah.

-When you're ready... we need glasses.

-Yeah.

Whoa! We've missed you, girl.

Tracey! Oh, it's so good to have you back, darling!

I second that.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome!

Hey!

Thanks for coming out.

So nobody's in at mine this afternoon...

you know, if you fancy coming round after my shift's done?

I, er...

I don't think that's a good idea.

This thing. Me and you.

No.

I have to make it work with Lauren.

So when she comes home today, OK, I'm going to tell her everything.

What, about us?

About my "illness".

But why? You don't even love her.

We should never have happened.

You don't mean that.

I can't do this any more, all right?

Running around behind her back.

No. No, all right? I'm going through with it. I'm going to marry Lauren.

There's no more "us".

You can't just turn your feelings off, Steven, like some tap.

We're finished, OK? I'm sorry.

Honey, I can't find the duck.

We don't sell duck.

Well, how am I supposed to make duck a l'orange with no duck?

I got this recipe online.

I've got ham.

Well, do you reckon anyone will notice the difference?

Probably, yes.

Hi!

Ah, just who I was looking for. Dinner tonight round ours.

-Twice in a week?

-Yeah, well, not takeaway this time.

We're hosting our first proper Mitchell dinner party.

-Ham a l'orange.

-Yeah, you should bring Billy as well.

Well, you know I'm vegetarian?

Since when?

Now.

So what's the occasion this time?

Well...

Ben's taken this Arches thing pretty hard.

Well, he told Phil he doesn't want it.

Yeah, well, he didn't mean that.

It's just, with this Ray thing, he feels a bit rejected.

Ben told me all about it.

-Right.

-But I think if we get them in a room together, you know,

we'll bring the family round, we'll all have a laugh.

And we'll leave them to talk. But properly talk.

-It's a great idea.

-Good.

So, Honey...oranges?

OK, well, tell Mum I said hi.

See you soon.

Are those for me?

Because they're clearly not for Lauren,

because they'd have carked it by the time she gets back.

-Sorry?

-Oh, has she not told you?

-Told me what?

-I just spoke to her.

Her and Louie, they're staying on at Mum's a bit longer.

There's clearly nothing to rush back for.

You're lying.

PHONE CHIMES

So what does that say about your relationship, then?

She can't even be bothered to pick up the phone.

DOOR OPENS

Paint for the new living room.

Oh, not wallpaper?

No.

Listen, I was thinking

we could have a nice romantic evening at the pictures.

Got one of those two-for-one vouchers.

-Did you speak to your mum?

-I thought we could get a taxi,

-that way we can have a drink and everything...

-Ian!

Yeah, she was fine.

Really?

Yeah, obviously I told her that we'd still help her out.

-Right.

-It was easier than I thought.

So you didn't tell her.

Jane, how could I?

Look, you know how long I lost her for.

I like having her back in my life.

But she doesn't have to live with us. We won't be far.

Ian, I have lived with your mum,

Steven, Lauren, Louie for a long time now.

And have I complained once?

This is our new home. A new start.

It's our time now, Ian.

Same again, Whit.

You all right, Steven? You don't look great.

I just want a beer, all right?

Not some pound-shop therapy session.

Yeah, all right, ratty.

Hey, Max, all set for your holidays?

The three "S"s - sun, sea and...

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Er, give me a second, please.

All right.

-Come to gloat, have you?

-Why would I do that?

Lauren is not coming home.

But then I think that you knew that, didn't you?

Listen, you were right, all that stuff you said.

-About me being alone.

-Was I?

Just wouldn't want you to make the same mistakes I did.

Tanya.

I never really fought for her, not really.

She was the one, but I let her go. I let her slip through my fingers.

Well, you should tell Carmel and Fi that story.

Listen, I'm just saying you should do everything you can to hold on

to the one you love.

Whatever it takes, you know.

You tell Lauren the truth about that tumour,

she ain't going to stick around. Not after her mum had cancer.

That's it, Steven, it's going to be over.

You told her it was terminal!

Why would you do that, huh? To your own daughter?

I thought that was what you wanted.

I was helping you, now you can help me.

But even if I do set this fire for you just to get you off my back...

Still going to have to tell her eventually, aren't I?

When, you know, I don't die.

Well, we'll think of something, find a way.

She ain't going to buy that it's just magically cured.

Results at hospitals, they get mixed up all the time.

-I've seen something like that in the papers once.

-She ain't stupid.

If she sees it in black and white, she'll have to believe it.

Medical records, they can be faked, if you know the right people.

And I'm guessing you do... for the right price.

Just get those lads out...

..and all this will disappear and you can save your marriage.

What do you say?

PHONE CHIMES

Woody...

You're welcome.

It's not the best time to tell Mick.

I just can't.

VACUUM CLEANER WHIRS

Oh, don't worry, there'll be other jobs, love.

-I got the wrong day.

-You what?

Yeah, interview's tomorrow.

I joked, saying I was trying to make a good impression,

turning up 24 hours early.

Yeah. Didn't laugh.

Post came. Final demand.

VACUUM CLEANER STOPS SUDDENLY

Out of electric, again?!

What's that smell?

Oh!

Oh! Ahh!

Now you got some cash in your pocket,

you might want to buy yourself some cooking lessons.

Hilarious. What am I going to do? KNOCK ON DOOR

You ain't you going to answer that?

Cheers.

-Hiya.

-All right?

-Jay!

-Hey...

-Where's Phil?

He's, er, not feeling too well.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

There you go! My share of the reservation fee.

Mum...

300 quid. And I thought we'd have a drink to celebrate.

You know, now it's official. Well, sort of.

I can't do this.

Here we are!

Kathy, I mean this in the nicest possible way but...

would you have ever, at my age,

wanted to live with your mother-in-law?

Lou? God, no. Oh, can you imagine, Ian?

Oh.

Right.

I think you're great... I really do.

And we get on so well.

Yeah. But...

But the new-build... It won't be that big.

-Too small for three adults.

-We'll be right on top each other.

And that's not going to end well, is it.

No. I guess not.

We... We want you round for nice dinners, boozy nights.

Yeah, but not bugging the hell out of each other on a daily basis.

I'll have a word with Steven. I'm sure you can stay here...

What, and be a third wheel to two newly-weds? No, thanks.

I mean, I do value my sleep.

They'll be at work most of the time. Mum, it'll be fine.

Just get it all down to Ted and Joyce's.

We could ask for some money while we're there.

What have I told you... We ain't scroungers, all right?

But it's not begging if we say we'll give it back. A loan.

And how are we going to cook the food with no electric?

Fine. But it was your idea.

And tell them we'll pay them back.

Every penny by the weekend.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Dip 'em in the gravy like this, Sharon, you'll love it.

Fill us up, Billy.

-Oh, Billy!

-Sorry.

-Brilliant. Well done.

-Don't know why you bothered.

-Ben, enough.

-Right, that's it. The dinner party's over.

But it was going so well.

I am sick of you moaning.

This was supposed to be a chance for us all to talk.

-Talk?

-Yes, talk, get it all out in the open.

Only the main player couldn't be bothered turning up, could he?

-I told you, he's ill.

-Oh, he ain't ill,

he just don't want to talk to me.

-That is not true, Ben.

-Yes, it is. You know it, I know it.

Look, what's your problem, hey? I offered you the car lot.

That's not your decision to make, Jay.

She's right. Dad's already made his mind up. You, Dennis, Lou, Ray.

-All way ahead in the queue.

-Who's Ray?!

He's looked after all of you, yet still you complain.

-He can't win, can he?

-Looked after me?

-Yes!

-He's given me a lifetime of hard graft to stay afloat,

whilst Jay's won the lottery.

I mean, he can just flog that bit of land, coin in 300 large.

What did you just say?

That's what you're worth to him, Jay.

To Phil Mitchell, who's finally put his money where his mouth is

and shown the world just what he thinks of his queer son.

Cheers.

Jay! Jay!

Er, what do you think you're doing?

Fi booked a DJ for tomorrow - he's coming from Hoxton.

-It's a trendy crowd apparently.

-Darts ARE trendy,

and since when is Fi in charge of booking entertainment?

OK. I think she was just trying to help.

Linda, I've noticed that...

we're on the same shifts

-all the time.

-Yeah?

Well, I ain't being funny, but do you really think that's a good idea?

Yeah, yeah, I do.

Can you sort these empties, please?

Linda, you all right?

-Yeah.

-It's just that I heard you on the phone earlier,

saying that you hadn't told Mick something.

Mum...wants to come and stay for a few days.

But I don't think now's the best time.

Right.

I hope everyone's all right.

Well, it must be really bad.

-What's this?

-Oh a load of fire engines going past Turpin Road.

-Must be a big 'un.

-And ambulances...police.

-Where've you been?

-Ted and Joyce didn't have any cash.

But they dug out these candles for light.

Oh, great. Thanks.

Can't eat 'em, though, can we?

Well, we've still got the cottage pie.

You know, why don't you ask Joyce if she'll heat it up for us?

But how will we get the power back on?

Look, I've got some money coming in tomorrow, I promise.

You been saying that all week, though, ain't you?

Mum is trying her best.

BANGING ON DOOR

Who's that?

BANGING CONTINUES

-Bailiffs.

-Get away from the window. Be quiet.

DOOR ENTRY BUZZER

I'm not going anywhere until you give me answers.

So why the car lot, Phil?

I've already told you.

Oh, right, because of the Star thing, yeah.

But see, when I think about it, that doesn't make sense.

Because not only at the time did you kick me out onto the street,

you also called me a paedo.

So going from that to giving me 300 grand because you feel guilty.

No. And I know why Ben's all aggy about it.

-Ben's done all right.

-Not as well as me, though.

I'm going to bed. I don't feel well.

Well, what is it?

I've got an 'eadache. From you prattling on.

Just be honest with me, Phil.

What is it with you lot, hey? You're never happy, are ya?

No matter what you're getting.

All my old man ever gave me was the back of his hand....

What if we swap? Maybe Ben should get the car lot...

No, I've made my decision.

Fine, you don't want it, don't have it, just like Ben.

I'll get Ritchie to cancel your contracts first thing.

So, what, you're just going to give it all to this secret son of yours?!

Yeah, I am. Now get out.

Not until you tell me what the hell is going on.

-Get out, before I throw you out.

-Phil...

-Get out!

SIRENS WAIL

What's the matter with you, Steven?

Did they get out? The lads?

Did they get out?

I don't know.

What are we going to do?

Nah, nah, nah, nah. No, you slow down, Steven, there's no "we".

Right, there's no "we" cos I was in the Vic.

-I've got about 20 witnesses.

-What?

This is arson, mate, it could be murder.

I ain't going inside again!

No, no, if I go down, you go down too.

Yeah? Well, you got a little problem.

Cos it's Ian's car on the traffic cameras outside that flat.

That phone, it's in your name and address.

So all of this -

all of this is down to you.

Max?

MAX!