01/12/2017 EastEnders

L, where are you? Can you call me back, please? I'm going off me nut here.

-Anything?

-I've looked everywhere.

The barrel store, the khazis. She's nowhere to be seen.

She'll be back. You know L, she's probably just nipped out for something...

Mick! Go and find her.

FRONT DOOR OPENS

Shaki?

-Are you home for lunch?

-No. I've got a free period.

Oh.

-You had a good morning?

-Yeah, I suppose. Not bad.

You and me both.

-Look, you sure you don't want something stronger?

-Don't tempt me!

Right, so come on, then, what's happened?

I don't want to impose, you know...

No, Phil's out.

To get a takeaway, he said.

You don't believe him?

Well, I've got an idea where he's gone.

To see some old mate of his.

And you're OK with that, him lying to you?

Well, it ain't lying if you both know the truth.

So, what's Mick done, hm?

I thought she'd gone. For good.

Got herself a fiance, a new life.

Least she could do is get the hell out of mine.

We even threw her a leaving party.

-Whitney.

-She's back.

One, two... Ow!

What? You said on three!

I'd like to keep my finger, please, Shaki!

I'm trying to help, OK?

It's swelling up. Does that look swollen to you?

Why did you buy a ring that doesn't even fit?

I didn't. Put some more washing-up liquid on.

Mum?

Nothing's official yet, so don't breathe a word.

You and Max?

He hasn't asked yet, but...

..this is a pretty big clue.

I thought you said that you were too old to get married again.

Well, I was wrong!

You're never too old.

Go on.

Tell me I'm being an idiot, yeah?

Well?

Are you sure?

I am.

Yeah. I really am.

I know he's not perfect, but...neither am I.

Hm!

Try to be happy for me, will you?

A smile will be a start.

I'm sorry, but I...I just don't want him messing you around, Mum.

I know.

But I'm big enough to look after myself, and it's time I took a risk!

-You don't want me to end up on my own, do you?

-No.

-I...

-But you can't help how you feel about him, can you?

That's the trouble, neither can I.

It doesn't sound like the end of the world to me.

He had his arms around her!

-And...?

-Well, not for the first time.

Well, she was upset.

-LINDA SIGHS

-And she came to see you?

-Yeah.

-Right.

-DON'T tell me that he loves me.

-Well, he does.

Well, then, why do I feel like this?

Are you worried he's still got feelings for her?

No. No, I know that he doesn't, but...

..there's just something, and it won't go away.

Hm. Because you won't let go.

Look, Linda, whatever happened, you have to deal with it.

Phil's ex lives in the Square.

You know, mother to his kid.

Every time I go in that caff, I could drive myself mad, thinking,

once upon a time, he loved her.

Once upon a time, he chose her.

But I don't.

I can't change the past,

but I can make sure it don't wreck our future.

-You know your trouble, don't you?

-Go on, tell me.

You and Mick have had it too good for too long.

Never a moment of doubt, perfect relationship.

I don't know anyone who's ever had that.

Linda, what you are feeling is normal.

And so what if your husband fancies someone else?

You're making it sound like a big deal, like a teenager.

-No, I'm not!

-Yeah, like a spoilt teenager.

Because you've never had to face anything like it before.

Do you know what, sweetheart?

That's what real life's like.

Hm?

-KNOCK AT DOOR MICK:

-Sharon?

WHISPERS: Don't answer it.

-Sharon?

-KNOCK AT DOOR

It is beautiful, isn't it?

I've got homework.

Shaki? I know this isn't what you want,

but you will get along with him if you give him a chance.

We're going to be a little family.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Coming!

DOORBELL Just a second!

Huh!

You're making a habit of this.

-I just can't stay away.

-CARMEL CHUCKLES

It's not my fault I can't stop thinking about you, is it?

Is it mine?

Shaki's upstairs.

I, er...haven't told him yet about us moving in together.

Got to find the right time.

-But we can't keep it a secret for long.

-No.

No, I don't suppose we can.

Do you fancy coming to the Vic tonight, then?

For what?

Mm, to celebrate.

My news.

Oh, your job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

You got something else planned?

You're being very mysterious.

Is there something you want to tell me?

Yeah, maybe there is.

Max Branning,

you are such a tease.

So, the Vic tonight, then?

Yeah.

I'll get Kush and Shaki to come along, too. More the merrier.

You are hiding something, aren't you?

I'll see you later.

Can't find her anywhere. Her mother, she's not answering the blower.

You don't think she's gone to Watford, do you?

She's been here, in't she?

Maybe.

Where is she?

Mick, why did you let Whitney back in the pub?

She was crying her eyeballs out. What was I supposed to do, kick her out?

-Well, she's not your responsibility.

-She is, though, in't she?

It ain't just Woody that took the liberty with her.

If Lee treated her right, she wouldn't be in this state.

-That's not your fault.

-He's my boy. I didn't bring him up that way.

Yeah. Well, he's Linda's boy, too.

Look, are you sure there's nothing going on between the two of you?

-What?

-No feelings whatsoever?

-No what-ifs floating around in your head?

-No.

Look, Mick, you can be honest with me.

Come on, the truth. Never to leave this room.

Sorry, is this some sort of counselling session?

The truth, Mick.

Hm?

It'd serve him right if you kept this, really.

It's not happening.

-Come on, let's take it for a test-drive or something.

-Jay, forget it!

Well, you ain't really going to scrap it, are you?!

If you don't get rid of it, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Listen, just because he's a psycho,

it doesn't mean you have to take it out on this baby, does it?

Yeah, well, he needs to get the message.

You are letting him wind you up.

Now, don't bother, right? Trust me, I've done three cremations today.

Life's too short.

Plus, I bet he won't even turn up.

He'll be here.

I was just about to leave.

Oh, shame(!)

Come on, Luke, I said it was OK.

-If this is going to be a problem...

-No, it's not, right?

-Whatever you say.

-Go on, I'll catch up with you later.

Thanks.

So sweet.

-So dumb.

-Leave her alone!

I've no intention of going anywhere near her.

As long as we pay her wages, she does what I say.

She works hard, show her some respect.

Respect? I'm not the only one lying to her, Joshua.

You looking forward to tonight? You are going, aren't you?

Lovely Lauren finally learns the truth.

Aw, don't give me that face.

It's called business, dear brother.

Something you never had a problem with before.

-What if I do now?

-Toughen the hell up.

What, and be like you? No, thanks.

Even your little boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with you.

Is this all you've got for me - silence?

You know where she is, don't you?

-Look, Mick...

-No disrespect,

but my marriage has got nothing to do with you.

-Look, Linda's my best mate, I...

-No, no, she's my best mate.

-So anything I've got to say, I'll say to her.

-Like what?

She's everything, Sharon. There is nothing without her.

I have no life if she's not in it.

How does that sound?

I made a mistake

and I had to tell her because that's me.

Melt of the Year.

PHONE RINGS

Look, Mick...?

I'm sorry.

Here you are.

I got it engraved. Um...

I was going to ask you to marry me again.

Again?

Yeah, you're probably right, once is enough.

I was just thinking maybe we could renew our wedding vows.

The surprise.

Mick, I...

You heard what I said.

So whatever you want to do...

-Hey, Carmel?

-Mm?

-So, when do you start back again?

-Monday morning.

-Oh, that's brilliant!

I know! Full-time in the office now.

I'm going to miss my old mum on the market.

Less of the old, thank you. THEY LAUGH

So drinks are on me tonight in the Vic.

-I'll be there.

-I got football till 8.30, so...

No, no, I'll...I'll try my best, Mum.

All right, sweetheart?

What do you think, too young?

-No, it's nice.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

I need to look my very best tonight.

I think...Max is going to pop the question.

What, like, THE question?

I know it's out of the blue, but he does like to keep me on my toes.

-Yeah.

-Not a word to Kushy.

-Yeah?

-OK.

-See you later.

-Mum?

-Mum!

-I'll settle up later!

Yes, I've heard that before.

Come on, then.

What?

"What?" You two, whispering behind my gilets.

You going to tell me what that was all about?

She is very excited about her job.

-And...?

-The council believe her about not passing on information.

Are you going to make it tonight? It would make her happy.

Yeah, no, I will, I will. I'll do my best.

That's great. No wonder she's on cloud nine, eh?

-Yeah.

-Hold on. Yes, sweetheart?

-You, too, Kathy.

-What, tonight?

-At 7.00.

I was thinking of a having a quiet night in, to be honest with you.

Please, you have to come. And drag Ian will you.

Well, I can't promise anything.

Oh! And you're invited!

-What?

-To the Vic tonight.

Hasn't Max said anything?

About what?

He's a dark horse, isn't he? Huh! Lauren?

Yes, yes, I'll be there, I've already said that.

Right! I'll see you later.

-Yeah. Bye.

-Bye!

That woman is a whirlwind.

Can I get a black coffee, please, Kath?

-You all right, darling?

-Hiya.

You know, we don't have to go tonight, we could just stay in at yours.

I need a night out after today. Your brother's getting on my...

Well, who's going to look after Louie?

Bex can do it. She was only asking me this morning.

There you go. No excuses.

-They asked for salt and vinegar.

-They get what they're given.

Did you find her?

And what did she say?

Nothing much.

I did warn you.

Yeah, all right, I naused my marriage up,

but you get to say I told you so, so it's not all bad, is it?

Why didn't you bring her back here?

What do you want me to do, drag her by the hair? I can't force her!

I know that.

Just leave me alone, will you?

Well? What do you reckon?

I didn't...I didn't have enough time, really.

SHE CHUCKLES

It'd be lovely if you could come to the pub.

Kushy's going to try and make it later.

Shaki?

I think I'm going to go and stay with Dad for a few nights.

Oh.

It's just for a few nights.

I, er... I ain't seen him in a while, so...

Yeah, of course.

He's your father. You... You should spend time with him.

Um...

..I love you.

Mum?

You look nice. Yeah?

Thanks.

Not too late, am I?

Take it...and go.

This is yours. The car's yours.

Get rid of it!

It's just a piece of metal, do what you want with it.

I don't want nothing from you.

You take this and leave me alone! Understood?

-Where's this coming from?

-You! Blowing hot and cold on me.

One minute you're all over me, the next, I never see you again.

-Makes life interesting.

-You enjoy messing people about.

So, what you rather me do?

Be all over you all of the time?

Admit it, you can't get enough.

You make my stomach turn.

You're just like your father.

Go on, jog on...

..and take your piece of junk with you.

I don't even want to be here.

Oh, shut up and drink up, will you? You're staying.

-You got somewhere better to be?

-Actually, I have.

I need to talk to my daughter.

Oh, Kim, please don't start that again. She's too young.

-No-one is too young to learn about the facts of life.

-No, it's true.

Once they start asking questions, you've got to answer them, in't you?

Yeah, but she's not, is she?

I need to prepare her for her new brother or sister.

Yes! Sibling rivalry can be very ugly, Denise.

-How far gone are you?

-A few weeks.

-Oh, congratulations. That's lovely news.

-Thank you.

Maybe you should wait, though.

You know, just maybe until you've seen your GP, at least.

You think so, do you?

Yeah. I mean, you don't want to start telling Pearl

she's got a brother or a sister and then something...

What, something goes wrong?

-Well, that's a fair point.

-You never know, do you?

-You think something will go wrong with my baby?

-She didn't say that.

-What'd she say, then?

-Ahem! I'll get us a drink, yeah?

-Yeah.

Hm!

At least we raised the money. Well, most of it.

Did really well on that internet thing.

That's good news.

DOOR OPENS

L.

"To my pretty flamingoe."

You need to take this back.

There's no E at the end of "flamingo", you idiot.

Didn't you even check it?

-What?

-Never could spell, could you?

You need to get your money back and get them to do it right next time.

Next time? What are you talking about?

What do you think I'm talking about?

Really?

What you said at Sharon's...

-It's nothing you ain't heard before, though, is it?

-No.

Yeah, well, maybe I wasn't listening before.

Just one thing.

-What?

-Don't ever try and surprise me again, all right?

You're rubbish at it. SHE CHUCKLES

Car's gone.

Shame.

We could have had some fun in that thing.

-I thought I told you to leave me...

-You don't tell me what to do.

-Huh!

-Don't fight it!

-If you're not gone in five seconds...

-Then what?

Oh, I see, you want to climb back into the closet.

You can't fight it!

Very sad little existence, denial.

I ain't in denial.

I'm gay, I just don't want you.

-Who the hell do you think you are?!

-Get off!

-What, scared someone will see?!

-Get...off!

LUKE LAUGHS MENACINGLY

You don't have the balls.

You think?

Try it. Go on, free shot.

All talk. Your daddy would be so proud(!)

That clear enough for you?!

I wouldn't touch you!

BEN LAUGHS

You disgust me...Luke!

THEY GRUNT

Hm? Who's laughing now, huh?

First drink's on the house, everyone,

on the account of me and my beautiful missus and bride-to-be.

And...and we got the money for the repairs!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Never doubted it, Michael!

-Yeah!

We are shy a few ton, but I'm sure if we all dig deep tonight, we can take care of that.

That goes for you an' all, Ian, over there.

-LINDA GIGGLES

-Yes, you.

Touch and go, weren't it, for a while?

Are you crying, Shirl?

She is!

No! I've got something in my eye.

LINDA LAUGHS

-Teen!

-Tina!

You didn't have to put on the welcoming committee.

The whole clan are here.

Ain't you brown!

-Ain't she a lovely colour, Billy?

-Yeah.

Nothing like stealing my thunder.

So, this, er...big announcement, is it what I think it is?

Oh, Carmel, I'm so chuffed for you!

And you look lovely. Don't she, Ian?

Hm? Yeah, yeah.

This old thing! CARMEL CHUCKLES

-Drinks, anyone?

-Oh, don't mind if I do, yeah.

-Oh, go on, then.

Crisp?

-Oh, Kim, for goodness' sake!

-What?

I didn't mean to upset you, you know.

Oh, so, you're an expert in babies now, just because you're a nosey nurse?

What's that got to do with anything?

What is wrong with you? Why can't you be happy for me?

You want to spread all this doom and gloom.

-That's not true at all.

-Oh, come on, Kim, sit down.

You don't want to keep stressing yourself out.

Paging Dr Fowler(!) I ain't got time for this, you know.

She's...just being a little bit oversensitive.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Look, all I meant was, right, you should have your 12-week scan

-before you start making plans.

-Yeah, yeah.

-I'm going to go and talk to her.

-She's just going to chuck it back in your face.

-It's all right, she's my mate.

-Don't say I didn't warn you.

-Everything all right?

-Yeah, of course.

Right, I'll take my bag upstairs and then I'll come down and give you a hand, all right?

The expensive stuff! What are we celebrating?

Me and, er...Mrs Carter, we're doing it all over again.

Renewing our vows.

Yeah, we're going to doing at Christmas, so you're invited, of course.

Oh, thanks, I'd love to come.

Carmel, you look lovely.

-I do my best.

-No Max?

He'll be here. Yeah. Don't you worry.

You missed our other big announcement.

-What's that?

-The books.

Yeah. Done and dusted, up-to-date.

We got the money for the dilapidations.

Yeah, I do hate that word, don't you?

Yeah! I hope I never hear it again as long as I live!

Dilapidations, eh? Cor! Gives you the right hump!

Well, it's all over now, so congratulations, all of you.

Me and my big mouth, eh?

Martin always used to say that I treated people like patients.

Look, I don't mean to, I...

I just think you've got to be careful the first few weeks, you know?

I'll keep my beak out in future, all right?

Kim?

Oh, do you know what? Suit yourself.

Sonia? I'm bleeding.

So, gentlemen,

anyone care to say a few words?

-It's been a pleasure.

-Max?

This is your big moment.

You get to stick it to everyone on that Square.

Yeah.

It's been a long time coming.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

Well, best be going.

Are you going to join us?

The glory's all yours, Max. I don't want to intrude.

A job well done.

He's cutting it a bit fine, in't he?

-Maybe he's changed his mind.

-Ian!

Well, I'd never have put those two together in a million years.

Oh, ever the romantic(!)

Yeah, well, I mean, she's not his type.

Oh, and you'd know?

Look, Tanya...another story.

-Can you take a couple of photos?

-Of what?

Me and your dad, when he turns up.

-Yeah.

-Thanks. Huh!

Drink up, ladies and gentlemen. Still some free booze here.

Oh, yeah! You don't have to ask me twice.

-There we go.

-Hm!

-Cop for that, my darling, cop for that.

-Yes, please!

-How's my lippy?

-Yeah, nice.

-Sure I don't need a touch-up?

-That's Max's department!

-Oi!

-What?

Don't worry, I'll hit him later.

Again.

Your dad said anything to you about this?

-About Carmel?

-Yeah, I didn't think he was that into her.

She seems to think he's going to propose to her.

Who knows? This is Dad we're talking about, so....

Look, do you want to just get out of here?

No! I'm not going to miss this!

Oh! Tina, you ain't see my sister, have you?

Oh, yeah, she just left. That door.

Oh, that's charming, that is, innit?

Gaff's buzzing, money's rolling in,

you've never looked more beautiful, Mrs Carter.

-I love you.

-You'd better.

Oh, yes!

You waiting for someone?

-No.

-I'm watching you.

You want a top-up, girl?

Yeah, why not?

PHONE RINGS

-Where are you?

-On my way.

Business.

Something I had to take care of.

I spent a long time on these books.

The least you can do is look at them.

-I trust you, Shirley.

-Is that it?

What happened to the woman that we couldn't fart in front of

and she didn't write everything down in triplicate?

How many of them you had?

Not enough. Get your old gills wet, my darling.

Johnny? Go and get another bottle.

Mick? Mick?

-I've got something for you.

-Oh, yeah?

Rematch, upstairs in five.

-You cheeky little mare!

-LINDA GIGGLES

-Showtime!

-Carmel?

Hiya!

He's as blind as a bat. Swear he needs glasses.

-THEY GIGGLE

-I've missed you.

I've missed you an' all.

Dad?!

Oi! What you playing at?

Come on, let's leave them to it, eh? You don't need this.

You should be ashamed of yourself!

-I think you should leave, Max.

-Yeah? Well, I don't.

-Let's get out of here.

-No!

-I thought you were into her.

-People around here think a lot of things.

Don't make 'em true, does it?

No. You're not getting served. Not in our pub.

-Actually, it's mine.

-And who are you?

James Willmott-Brown.

This is my pub.

I'm from Weyland & Co. We own Grafton Hill.

-What?

-You failed to raise the necessary funds.

Well, that's where you're wrong

-because we transferred the 50 grand, didn't we?

-Yeah.

50? You owe 60.

She let us off ten grand.

-I don't think so.

-You sly cow!

Hello, Kathy. Nice to see you.

-What are you doing here?

-Issuing an eviction notice.

Well...you know what you can do with that, don't you?

Doesn't change the facts.

My pub.

My rules.

And I want you out.