13/02/2018 EastEnders


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13/02/2018

Max is left in pieces following Lauren's latest revelation. Kim attempts to solve her family's dire financial situation, and Donna puts her Valentine's Day scam into action.


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-VIDEO:

-Daddy, watch me.

-Go on, Abs.

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It's cold!

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It's not cold...

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Yeah, it is.

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Go on, jump.

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Good girl.

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Ten out of ten.

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You got it! You're a star.

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Would I let you down? That'll be 20 quid, please.

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What's this?

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So I'll dress as Cupid tonight, right.

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And I'll shoot at various punters, and they have to kiss.

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-Love it.

-Health and safety, Halfway.

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I'll leave you all to it.

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They're not real arrows, Mrs C. Look...

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Oh, here he is.

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You must've forgot something in your little bag there, mate.

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You know, there must be untold Valentine's cards underneath

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all the letters and that, no?

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No.

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Aw, the Mick Carter fan club strangely quiet this year.

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-Yeah, probably come tomorrow, won't they?

-Probably.

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In the meantime, you'll just have to make do with mine.

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Well, it's the only one I want.

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Valentine's Day? Mugs' day more like.

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-Is that why you're single, Shirl?

-I think it's sweet.

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I'm going to slip over to the old cash and carry.

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-Don't forget my pressie.

-All right.

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-I'll get you some khazi roll.

-Well, make sure it's quilted.

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Who's the secret admirer?

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-Me mum. She does it every year.

-Aww.

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I'm in me 20s. It's tragic.

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Do you get a Valentine's, Whit?

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Me? I should be so lucky! I like your wings.

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I've been trying to work it out all night, Lauren.

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I'm struggling, so you're going to have to help me.

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-Are you drunk?

-Your mum, I get all that, of course I do.

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I understand.

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Why would you go along with it?

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Like I said, you're going to need to speak to her.

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Tanya ain't answering her phone, is she?

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When we were sorting through Abi's stuff,

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-I thought we'd turned a corner, Lauren.

-Dad...

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Now, what is it, has she brainwashed you against me?

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Do you blame me, Lauren?

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Well, what is it, what? Revenge.

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-No.

-So why do you go along with it?

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Look, I know I've done a lot of bad things,

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but I don't deserve all this, do I?

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See, there it is.

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There you go again. You're making it all about you, Dad.

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Cos this is just... It's your pain, it's your grief.

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-Got to go and make Louie's breakfast.

-Abi, she would've wanted me there!

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No, Dad.

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I don't think she would.

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The courier's coming to pick them up to take them back today.

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Good.

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The Vincent I know is a shark.

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And sharks are predators, they're not the prey.

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You want a coffee?

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Why do you have to pay these people? Why are you so scared of them?

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Where are you going?

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Bank. Apply for a loan.

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We can put the house up as guarantee.

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See, I'm not just a pretty face, am I?

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Why do you think I'm selling The Albert, Kim?

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And then what happens after that?

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How are we going to live? Without any income?

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-Have you thought about that?

-Look, I don't want you doing this.

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Well, thanks to you, I ain't got no choice.

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-How are you, beautiful?

-Did you bring it?

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Sure you know what you're doing?

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Ready...

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Guess you do.

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My mate Pam used to spray 'em for funerals.

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And...

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-..voila.

-Wow.

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What are you gawping at?

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I'll crack on with these, whilst you implement stage two.

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Stage two?

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Giving up?

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A life of daytime television.

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Don't knock it till you've tried it.

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This woman's been through 12 husbands! It's fascinating.

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This is so not like you.

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Where's the drive, the passion?

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The fire in the belly?

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Kathy would have phoned Ian last night,

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told him about the samosas and he'd have fired me instantly.

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What's that noise?

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The sound of distant violins.

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Look, it's 11 o'clock and no-one has phoned.

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-No news is good news.

-Not when it comes to Ian Beale.

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-Fine. Give up then.

-Pardon?

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How many failed businesses have you had? And even your marriage.

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-You gave up on that too.

-This is the worst pep talk ever.

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When we arrived in Walford you were pretending to be a big businessman.

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We don't talk about that, remember.

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We just don't dream of the big time.

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Go out and grab it.

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Because time for you, Masood, is running out.

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Hi, Max.

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I heard there was a delay in the funeral.

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-Hope you got it sorted OK.

-There's no delay, Honey.

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It's already happened.

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Oh, right.

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Is that where they've taken the flowers to, Abi's resting place?

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I don't know.

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Sorry. Unless she was cremated.

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You OK?

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Max?

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I thought you Army boys had no fear.

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I'm a chef. I have the fear.

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Come on, Cupid, if you like her, ask her out again.

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After the whole ring thing? Probably best we're just mates.

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-Really?

-Well, I just don't think she likes me like that.

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Well, I found that on the bar.

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You can't have two from your mum, can ya?

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Quick! Hurry up!

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You are seriously unfit.

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-You know this could be a complete waste of time, right?

-Listen.

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All the geezers that have forgotten about today will be rushing

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out to the card shop.

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And on their way to the card shop, they will be passing my stall,

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which will be stocked full of "roses".

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-We're not all thick, you know.

-Next.

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Go on.

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Chop chop!

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Aw.

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There you go, babe.

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Sorry, I need the change. Austerity, innit?

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Sorry. Thank you.

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-Ah, Kim.

-You all right, Pops?

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Yeah, fine, fine.

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But more importantly, how are things with the both of you?

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What can I say?

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Operation Get Blood Out Of A Stone was not successful.

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He still won't tell me anything.

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He's ruined everything.

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Just go easy on him, all right?

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A husband's job is to look after his family.

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When he can't do that, it hurts.

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So, hold on, his stupid male pride should come first,

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is that what you're saying?

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The only way through this fog is together.

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-You all right?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, how did it go?

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-Well, apparently I need an appointment.

-Who would have thought?

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So we need to get our heads together, think of a plan B.

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-All right. Maybe later though, yeah?

-Maybe later? What do you mean?

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-What happened?

-Just...gym. You know, sit ups.

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How are we supposed to get through the fog

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if you don't talk to me, Vincent?!

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What fog?

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This is not funny.

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You just reminded me...

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Happy Valentine's, Bub. Here you are. Eh?

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Yes, Mrs Beardsworth.

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All right, well, I'll see what I can do.

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Bye now, bye.

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Wants Light My Fire played at her husband's cremation.

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Having a laugh, isn't she?

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What about Abi, what did they play at her funeral?

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Can you give us a minute, please, Nige?

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I don't know that, Max. I wasn't there.

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Why did you let me bang on yesterday?

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Making plans, sounding like an idiot.

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Jay, I just want to know where she is, that's all.

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-Just want to know where they buried my daughter. What, was it here or Exeter?

-Look, Max...

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Was she cremated, Jay? I don't even know that.

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Listen, you need to speak to Lauren or to Tanya.

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Listen, listen.

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Right, I'm going to come out with some things...

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..and if I get the right answer, just don't say anything.

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And then that way, you ain't really told me, have ya?

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-Max...

-Sh. All right.

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Was she cremated?

0:11:200:11:21

-Look...

-All right, so she's buried.

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Where is she? What, here at St Joseph's?

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Hang on, Max. Where you going?!

0:11:410:11:43

Kathy.

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-Where do you think you're going?

-Fresh supply.

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-For the lunch rush.

-I don't think so.

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Yeah, but we're running low.

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Seriously, by 12 o'clock these bad boys will be flying out the door.

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No, they won't, because you're fired, Mas.

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Tina told me your luck was changing.

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I really thought she weren't interested.

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You girls are a nightmare to read.

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You mean we're complex, Halfway?

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We need to keep you on your toes, don't we?

0:12:240:12:26

So come on, then. What have you got planned this time?

0:12:260:12:28

-So, everybody loves a surprise, yeah?

-Depends on what it is...

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So, I was thinking, when she gets here later, I was going to grab her,

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bundle her into a car - like a kidnap -

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but then drive her to a really posh restaurant.

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Yeah, by which time she'll have probably died of a heart attack.

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Good point.

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Maybe I'll serenade her, naked.

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-With a rose.

-Why don't you keep it simple?

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You know, nice bit of dinner, drinks.

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It's too similar to last time. I need to up my game, Mrs C.

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One of her favourite films is Casablanca.

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What's that? Is it foreign? I can't do subtitles.

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It's a classic, Halfway.

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Max, stop! Max! Max!

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-What are you doing?

-You know you can't drive!

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-Oi, oi, oi! Get your hands off me!

-Slow down.

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We're going to have to stop him. You know that, don't ya?

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-What are you doing?

-I don't think so.

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Mick, this ain't got nothing to do with you, has it?

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You ain't going nowhere.

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Word on the street is, you're selling roses.

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Yeah. 15 quid for a dozen.

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Five for a fiver? OAP, Donna.

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I'm barely breaking even here, Ted.

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Look, have you any idea how much the state pension is?

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It's a bloomin' liberty. I have worked all my life...

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Yes, OK. Fine.

0:13:590:14:01

-Here you go.

-Thank you, Donna.

0:14:030:14:05

Seeing as you're making a mint, dinner's on you tonight.

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No, it ain't.

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Place on the High Street doing Curry Karaoke.

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Could be romantic...

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Sorry, I need it for rent.

0:14:170:14:19

-All of it?

-You're not really into this soppy nonsense, are you?

0:14:190:14:22

Valentine's? It's like an idiot tax for blokes.

0:14:220:14:26

Here, no, no, no, that's mine! Honey, he's just pinched my poultry.

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Well, I'm making Valentine's dinner.

0:14:360:14:38

So is half of Walford. Now come on, give it here!

0:14:380:14:40

Kim, he was first.

0:14:400:14:42

-Who's the lucky lady then?

-Define "lucky".

0:14:420:14:45

-Whitney.

-Oh.

0:14:450:14:47

What? What is it, what is it?

0:14:480:14:51

She was in here earlier.

0:14:520:14:54

-Whitney.

-Oh, yeah?

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She was buying chocolate. Yeah, lots of chocolate.

0:14:560:14:59

-Really?

-And tonnes of ice cream.

-Mm-mmm.

0:14:590:15:02

What?

0:15:020:15:04

Well, I shouldn't really be saying this, cos I'm not one to gossip...

0:15:040:15:07

You're not. You're not.

0:15:070:15:09

..but, you see, it's the anniversary.

0:15:090:15:12

The day her ex left.

0:15:120:15:14

Oh, yes.

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Lee, of course.

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Thanks.

0:15:220:15:23

Just that for me, please, Honey.

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Kill yourself, I couldn't give a monkey's.

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But the innocent that you smash into, I do care about.

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So, like I said, you ain't going nowhere.

0:15:350:15:37

They buried my little girl without me, Mick.

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Didn't even say goodbye to her.

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Yeah, I'm sorry about what happened to Abi, I really am.

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But I get why they done it.

0:15:560:15:58

You're a parasite, Max.

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You feed off other people, you suck 'em dry.

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You tried to take everything away from me.

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You tried to put my family in the gutter.

0:16:080:16:10

Why is that? What did we do to you?

0:16:100:16:11

-I ain't gotta listen to this, have I?

-You will listen! You will.

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You're going to listen. This has been a long time coming.

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Comes naturally to you, don't it, putting yourself first.

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Even before your own kids.

0:16:240:16:26

There he is.

0:16:260:16:28

Dad of the year.

0:16:280:16:29

Sorry, where are your kids, Mick? I don't see 'em.

0:16:310:16:35

Yeah, I hold me hands up. Whenever my kids took a wrong path

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I always asked myself, something I could've done differently?

0:16:380:16:41

Can you say the same, Max?

0:16:410:16:43

You ever taken responsibility when your kids did something wrong?

0:16:430:16:47

Even that was about you, weren't it, eh?

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Your pain, you taking the easy way out.

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And for what? Now little Abi's dead.

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And still it's all about you.

0:17:020:17:04

What's the matter, eh? What? I get it.

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I get why they've cut you out.

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I get why your old woman can't be in the same room as you without

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-wanting to tear you from limb to limb.

-Get your hands off me!

0:17:120:17:15

I get why she didn't want to feel that anger

0:17:150:17:17

when she buries her little girl.

0:17:170:17:19

For once, she stood up to you.

0:17:190:17:21

It's about time someone did though, innit, eh?

0:17:210:17:24

Thanks, mate, good luck.

0:17:300:17:33

Oi, Eeyore.

0:17:330:17:35

How about a rose for the lady in your life?

0:17:350:17:37

To go with that sexy little Cupid's outfit of yours.

0:17:370:17:40

What lady in my life?

0:17:400:17:41

-No cards today?

-Actually...

0:17:410:17:44

Listen, the best way into a woman's heart and into her knic...

0:17:440:17:48

..her affections...

0:17:480:17:50

..is romance.

0:17:520:17:54

Thank you. Lovely, cheers.

0:17:570:17:59

-Peace offering.

-You bought me a rose? On Valentine's Day.

0:18:060:18:09

No, it's not like that. It's a peace offering. Check your stock.

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I didn't use any of your ingredients. It was all

0:18:130:18:15

our own stuff, and we put 50% back into your business.

0:18:150:18:19

-So that's money for nothing.

-Yeah, I checked. You did OK.

0:18:190:18:22

OK? We could clean up round here.

0:18:220:18:25

But you still lied, Mas. And do you know what?

0:18:250:18:27

This is an East End chippy, not a curry house.

0:18:270:18:30

-All right, I tell you what. You give me a week...

-No, not interested.

0:18:300:18:33

-..and if I outsell the fish and chips then I can stay.

-No.

0:18:330:18:36

And if I don't, then you can sack me with total impunity.

0:18:360:18:40

Still no.

0:18:400:18:41

What've you got to lose? Nothing. Nothing at all.

0:18:410:18:44

-It's win-win for you.

-No!

0:18:440:18:46

There's no room for sentiment when it comes to making money, Kathy.

0:18:460:18:50

Look, if it shuts you up.

0:18:520:18:54

Yeah? I always fancied a bit of fusion.

0:18:540:18:57

You just keep your fusion to yourself.

0:18:570:19:00

I'm thinking of heading off for a while.

0:19:210:19:24

# Get it on, get it on

0:19:250:19:27

# Cos tonight is the night when two become one... #

0:19:270:19:34

Seriously? I mean, even after yesterday?

0:19:340:19:38

Romance doesn't have to cost the earth, Vincent.

0:19:380:19:40

Yeah, but this food does. Roses do.

0:19:400:19:43

That lingerie does...

0:19:430:19:45

How much do you owe, Vincent?

0:19:450:19:47

Talk to me, how much do you owe?

0:19:470:19:50

Six figures.

0:19:510:19:53

A million quid!

0:19:530:19:55

Seven. That's seven figures, Kim.

0:19:550:19:57

Still. Why so much?

0:19:570:19:59

OK.

0:20:080:20:09

OK, OK.

0:20:110:20:13

I know that me and Pearl are your everything.

0:20:150:20:18

And I know that you wouldn't put us in this situation

0:20:190:20:22

if you didn't have to.

0:20:220:20:24

But what hurts, Vincent, what really hurts me

0:20:240:20:27

is the fact that you don't trust me enough to tell me why.

0:20:270:20:29

-Of course I trust you.

-Really?

0:20:290:20:32

Because it doesn't seem like it to me.

0:20:320:20:34

I put a man away, years ago.

0:20:420:20:44

I informed on him.

0:20:450:20:47

And he killed himself, inside.

0:20:490:20:52

His brother blames me, and now, I have to pay.

0:20:540:20:58

Sell it.

0:21:220:21:23

-Look, every little bit helps.

-No.

0:21:250:21:27

I'm going to fix this.

0:21:270:21:29

So you want to do this alone, and pretend that I don't exist, yeah?

0:21:340:21:40

Well, I'm not going to stay here and watch it.

0:21:400:21:43

What, sit on the sideline like your little woman?

0:21:430:21:45

-I'm not doing it, Vincent.

-Kim.

0:21:450:21:47

Ki...

0:21:480:21:49

Yeah, I'm going to go and stay with Aunt Susie for a bit.

0:21:540:21:58

-Right.

-To give Jack his sofa back.

0:21:580:22:01

It's probably for the best.

0:22:010:22:03

And...

0:22:030:22:04

..I just want to say that I understand what you did.

0:22:060:22:08

It's the right thing, Lauren.

0:22:110:22:13

Can I see Louie before I go?

0:22:170:22:19

He's asleep.

0:22:200:22:21

All right, well, just give him a kiss from me, yeah?

0:22:210:22:24

Before I go, will you just tell me about it?

0:22:260:22:29

You know, the funeral. Just how it went.

0:22:300:22:32

Just feel like I need a picture of it in my mind.

0:22:350:22:38

I got your text...

0:22:460:22:48

Here's looking at you, kid.

0:22:480:22:50

What?

0:22:500:22:51

You like Casablanca, right?

0:22:520:22:55

No subtitles, I checked.

0:22:550:22:57

What is this?

0:22:580:23:00

See I've been to the country a few times, with the Army.

0:23:000:23:03

Oh, right...

0:23:030:23:04

So I thought I could introduce you to the local delicacy -

0:23:040:23:07

Moroccan Chicken with citrus couscous and green beans,

0:23:070:23:10

followed by a Bedouin affogato.

0:23:100:23:12

Halfway, listen...

0:23:120:23:13

Then we could cosy up downstairs and watch the film together.

0:23:130:23:16

No.

0:23:160:23:17

Is it too over the top? I knew it.

0:23:180:23:21

What about last time? Come on, I thought we were mates?

0:23:210:23:25

-Yeah, but this morning you...

-What about this morning?

0:23:250:23:28

This ain't my handwriting.

0:23:370:23:38

-What?

-I'm sorry.

0:23:390:23:41

I'm really sorry.

0:23:410:23:43

I didn't send you this.

0:23:430:23:45

But then who...?

0:23:470:23:49

-Cheers, mate. That's my last one.

-Thank you very much indeed.

0:23:510:23:54

-You'll be on a promise with that.

-Thank you.

0:23:540:23:57

Why are you walking funny? Got piles or something?

0:23:590:24:02

Seriously?

0:24:050:24:07

A rose.

0:24:070:24:08

And, like my feelings, that is the real thing.

0:24:080:24:13

That is cheese.

0:24:130:24:15

But you're blushing.

0:24:170:24:20

No, I ain't.

0:24:200:24:22

You're a romantic at heart, you know.

0:24:220:24:25

I'm not blushing.

0:24:250:24:26

All right, so you don't want me to kiss you again, then?

0:24:260:24:30

-No.

-Really?

0:24:310:24:33

OK.

0:24:350:24:36

And...

0:24:440:24:46

..I suppose you're not really interested

0:24:460:24:49

in coming back to mine, then?

0:24:490:24:51

-Definitely not.

-No.

0:24:510:24:53

-Oi!

-Oi!

0:24:530:24:55

-They don't look happy.

-No, they don't. Come on!

-Quick, run!

0:24:570:25:01

Come on, Lauren, you've got to remember more than that.

0:25:040:25:06

It was a tough day.

0:25:060:25:07

So how many people were there?

0:25:110:25:14

I don't know.

0:25:140:25:15

Loads.

0:25:150:25:17

And who...? Who read?

0:25:190:25:20

The vicar, and Mum.

0:25:230:25:26

What did she say?

0:25:280:25:29

She just said how much...how much we loved her.

0:25:300:25:33

And that we miss her.

0:25:350:25:36

And that's it? What, nothing more?

0:25:400:25:42

Like I said, it was a tough day.

0:25:420:25:44

-What music did you play, Lauren?

-BABY CRIES

0:25:500:25:53

-I need to get him.

-No, go on, tell me. What music?

0:25:530:25:56

Ed Sheeran and Florence And The Machine.

0:25:570:26:00

Right, and what about order of service?

0:26:000:26:01

Cos I've not seen one of those. I want to keep one.

0:26:010:26:04

There wasn't any left.

0:26:050:26:07

Why are you lying, Lauren?

0:26:120:26:15

-I'm not lying.

-No, you are lying. I can tell.

0:26:150:26:17

Why? Why are you lying?

0:26:180:26:20

Because...

0:26:250:26:27

What, has she even been buried yet?

0:26:300:26:32

All right, so who else knows about this? What, what, Jack, Jay?

0:26:370:26:41

What, does Dot know? Mick?

0:26:410:26:42

You ain't buried her, have ya, Lauren?

0:26:450:26:47

Have ya?

0:26:490:26:50