Max is left in pieces following Lauren's latest revelation. Kim attempts to solve her family's dire financial situation, and Donna puts her Valentine's Day scam into action.
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-Daddy, watch me.
-Go on, Abs.
It's not cold...
Yeah, it is.
Go on, jump.
Ten out of ten.
You got it! You're a star.
Would I let you down? That'll be 20 quid, please.
So I'll dress as Cupid tonight, right.
And I'll shoot at various punters, and they have to kiss.
-Health and safety, Halfway.
I'll leave you all to it.
They're not real arrows, Mrs C. Look...
Oh, here he is.
You must've forgot something in your little bag there, mate.
You know, there must be untold Valentine's cards underneath
all the letters and that, no?
Aw, the Mick Carter fan club strangely quiet this year.
-Yeah, probably come tomorrow, won't they?
In the meantime, you'll just have to make do with mine.
Well, it's the only one I want.
Valentine's Day? Mugs' day more like.
-Is that why you're single, Shirl?
-I think it's sweet.
I'm going to slip over to the old cash and carry.
-Don't forget my pressie.
-I'll get you some khazi roll.
-Well, make sure it's quilted.
Who's the secret admirer?
-Me mum. She does it every year.
I'm in me 20s. It's tragic.
Do you get a Valentine's, Whit?
Me? I should be so lucky! I like your wings.
I've been trying to work it out all night, Lauren.
I'm struggling, so you're going to have to help me.
-Are you drunk?
-Your mum, I get all that, of course I do.
Why would you go along with it?
Like I said, you're going to need to speak to her.
Tanya ain't answering her phone, is she?
When we were sorting through Abi's stuff,
-I thought we'd turned a corner, Lauren.
Now, what is it, has she brainwashed you against me?
Do you blame me, Lauren?
Well, what is it, what? Revenge.
-So why do you go along with it?
Look, I know I've done a lot of bad things,
but I don't deserve all this, do I?
See, there it is.
There you go again. You're making it all about you, Dad.
Cos this is just... It's your pain, it's your grief.
-Got to go and make Louie's breakfast.
-Abi, she would've wanted me there!
I don't think she would.
The courier's coming to pick them up to take them back today.
The Vincent I know is a shark.
And sharks are predators, they're not the prey.
You want a coffee?
Why do you have to pay these people? Why are you so scared of them?
Where are you going?
Bank. Apply for a loan.
We can put the house up as guarantee.
See, I'm not just a pretty face, am I?
Why do you think I'm selling The Albert, Kim?
And then what happens after that?
How are we going to live? Without any income?
-Have you thought about that?
-Look, I don't want you doing this.
Well, thanks to you, I ain't got no choice.
-How are you, beautiful?
-Did you bring it?
Sure you know what you're doing?
Guess you do.
My mate Pam used to spray 'em for funerals.
What are you gawping at?
I'll crack on with these, whilst you implement stage two.
A life of daytime television.
Don't knock it till you've tried it.
This woman's been through 12 husbands! It's fascinating.
This is so not like you.
Where's the drive, the passion?
The fire in the belly?
Kathy would have phoned Ian last night,
told him about the samosas and he'd have fired me instantly.
What's that noise?
The sound of distant violins.
Look, it's 11 o'clock and no-one has phoned.
-No news is good news.
-Not when it comes to Ian Beale.
-Fine. Give up then.
How many failed businesses have you had? And even your marriage.
-You gave up on that too.
-This is the worst pep talk ever.
When we arrived in Walford you were pretending to be a big businessman.
We don't talk about that, remember.
We just don't dream of the big time.
Go out and grab it.
Because time for you, Masood, is running out.
I heard there was a delay in the funeral.
-Hope you got it sorted OK.
-There's no delay, Honey.
It's already happened.
Is that where they've taken the flowers to, Abi's resting place?
I don't know.
Sorry. Unless she was cremated.
I thought you Army boys had no fear.
I'm a chef. I have the fear.
Come on, Cupid, if you like her, ask her out again.
After the whole ring thing? Probably best we're just mates.
-Well, I just don't think she likes me like that.
Well, I found that on the bar.
You can't have two from your mum, can ya?
Quick! Hurry up!
You are seriously unfit.
-You know this could be a complete waste of time, right?
All the geezers that have forgotten about today will be rushing
out to the card shop.
And on their way to the card shop, they will be passing my stall,
which will be stocked full of "roses".
-We're not all thick, you know.
There you go, babe.
Sorry, I need the change. Austerity, innit?
Sorry. Thank you.
-You all right, Pops?
Yeah, fine, fine.
But more importantly, how are things with the both of you?
What can I say?
Operation Get Blood Out Of A Stone was not successful.
He still won't tell me anything.
He's ruined everything.
Just go easy on him, all right?
A husband's job is to look after his family.
When he can't do that, it hurts.
So, hold on, his stupid male pride should come first,
is that what you're saying?
The only way through this fog is together.
-You all right?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, how did it go?
-Well, apparently I need an appointment.
-Who would have thought?
So we need to get our heads together, think of a plan B.
-All right. Maybe later though, yeah?
-Maybe later? What do you mean?
-Just...gym. You know, sit ups.
How are we supposed to get through the fog
if you don't talk to me, Vincent?!
This is not funny.
You just reminded me...
Happy Valentine's, Bub. Here you are. Eh?
Yes, Mrs Beardsworth.
All right, well, I'll see what I can do.
Bye now, bye.
Wants Light My Fire played at her husband's cremation.
Having a laugh, isn't she?
What about Abi, what did they play at her funeral?
Can you give us a minute, please, Nige?
I don't know that, Max. I wasn't there.
Why did you let me bang on yesterday?
Making plans, sounding like an idiot.
Jay, I just want to know where she is, that's all.
-Just want to know where they buried my daughter. What, was it here or Exeter?
Was she cremated, Jay? I don't even know that.
Listen, you need to speak to Lauren or to Tanya.
Right, I'm going to come out with some things...
..and if I get the right answer, just don't say anything.
And then that way, you ain't really told me, have ya?
-Sh. All right.
Was she cremated?
-All right, so she's buried.
Where is she? What, here at St Joseph's?
Hang on, Max. Where you going?!
-Where do you think you're going?
-For the lunch rush.
-I don't think so.
Yeah, but we're running low.
Seriously, by 12 o'clock these bad boys will be flying out the door.
No, they won't, because you're fired, Mas.
Tina told me your luck was changing.
I really thought she weren't interested.
You girls are a nightmare to read.
You mean we're complex, Halfway?
We need to keep you on your toes, don't we?
So come on, then. What have you got planned this time?
-So, everybody loves a surprise, yeah?
-Depends on what it is...
So, I was thinking, when she gets here later, I was going to grab her,
bundle her into a car - like a kidnap -
but then drive her to a really posh restaurant.
Yeah, by which time she'll have probably died of a heart attack.
Maybe I'll serenade her, naked.
-With a rose.
-Why don't you keep it simple?
You know, nice bit of dinner, drinks.
It's too similar to last time. I need to up my game, Mrs C.
One of her favourite films is Casablanca.
What's that? Is it foreign? I can't do subtitles.
It's a classic, Halfway.
Max, stop! Max! Max!
-What are you doing?
-You know you can't drive!
-Oi, oi, oi! Get your hands off me!
We're going to have to stop him. You know that, don't ya?
-What are you doing?
-I don't think so.
Mick, this ain't got nothing to do with you, has it?
You ain't going nowhere.
Word on the street is, you're selling roses.
Yeah. 15 quid for a dozen.
Five for a fiver? OAP, Donna.
I'm barely breaking even here, Ted.
Look, have you any idea how much the state pension is?
It's a bloomin' liberty. I have worked all my life...
Yes, OK. Fine.
-Here you go.
-Thank you, Donna.
Seeing as you're making a mint, dinner's on you tonight.
No, it ain't.
Place on the High Street doing Curry Karaoke.
Could be romantic...
Sorry, I need it for rent.
-All of it?
-You're not really into this soppy nonsense, are you?
Valentine's? It's like an idiot tax for blokes.
Here, no, no, no, that's mine! Honey, he's just pinched my poultry.
Well, I'm making Valentine's dinner.
So is half of Walford. Now come on, give it here!
Kim, he was first.
-Who's the lucky lady then?
What? What is it, what is it?
She was in here earlier.
She was buying chocolate. Yeah, lots of chocolate.
-And tonnes of ice cream.
Well, I shouldn't really be saying this, cos I'm not one to gossip...
You're not. You're not.
..but, you see, it's the anniversary.
The day her ex left.
Lee, of course.
Just that for me, please, Honey.
Kill yourself, I couldn't give a monkey's.
But the innocent that you smash into, I do care about.
So, like I said, you ain't going nowhere.
They buried my little girl without me, Mick.
Didn't even say goodbye to her.
Yeah, I'm sorry about what happened to Abi, I really am.
But I get why they done it.
You're a parasite, Max.
You feed off other people, you suck 'em dry.
You tried to take everything away from me.
You tried to put my family in the gutter.
Why is that? What did we do to you?
-I ain't gotta listen to this, have I?
-You will listen! You will.
You're going to listen. This has been a long time coming.
Comes naturally to you, don't it, putting yourself first.
Even before your own kids.
There he is.
Dad of the year.
Sorry, where are your kids, Mick? I don't see 'em.
Yeah, I hold me hands up. Whenever my kids took a wrong path
I always asked myself, something I could've done differently?
Can you say the same, Max?
You ever taken responsibility when your kids did something wrong?
Even that was about you, weren't it, eh?
Your pain, you taking the easy way out.
And for what? Now little Abi's dead.
And still it's all about you.
What's the matter, eh? What? I get it.
I get why they've cut you out.
I get why your old woman can't be in the same room as you without
-wanting to tear you from limb to limb.
-Get your hands off me!
I get why she didn't want to feel that anger
when she buries her little girl.
For once, she stood up to you.
It's about time someone did though, innit, eh?
Thanks, mate, good luck.
How about a rose for the lady in your life?
To go with that sexy little Cupid's outfit of yours.
What lady in my life?
-No cards today?
Listen, the best way into a woman's heart and into her knic...
Thank you. Lovely, cheers.
-You bought me a rose? On Valentine's Day.
No, it's not like that. It's a peace offering. Check your stock.
I didn't use any of your ingredients. It was all
our own stuff, and we put 50% back into your business.
-So that's money for nothing.
-Yeah, I checked. You did OK.
OK? We could clean up round here.
But you still lied, Mas. And do you know what?
This is an East End chippy, not a curry house.
-All right, I tell you what. You give me a week...
-No, not interested.
-..and if I outsell the fish and chips then I can stay.
And if I don't, then you can sack me with total impunity.
What've you got to lose? Nothing. Nothing at all.
-It's win-win for you.
There's no room for sentiment when it comes to making money, Kathy.
Look, if it shuts you up.
Yeah? I always fancied a bit of fusion.
You just keep your fusion to yourself.
I'm thinking of heading off for a while.
# Get it on, get it on
# Cos tonight is the night when two become one... #
Seriously? I mean, even after yesterday?
Romance doesn't have to cost the earth, Vincent.
Yeah, but this food does. Roses do.
That lingerie does...
How much do you owe, Vincent?
Talk to me, how much do you owe?
A million quid!
Seven. That's seven figures, Kim.
Still. Why so much?
I know that me and Pearl are your everything.
And I know that you wouldn't put us in this situation
if you didn't have to.
But what hurts, Vincent, what really hurts me
is the fact that you don't trust me enough to tell me why.
-Of course I trust you.
Because it doesn't seem like it to me.
I put a man away, years ago.
I informed on him.
And he killed himself, inside.
His brother blames me, and now, I have to pay.
-Look, every little bit helps.
I'm going to fix this.
So you want to do this alone, and pretend that I don't exist, yeah?
Well, I'm not going to stay here and watch it.
What, sit on the sideline like your little woman?
-I'm not doing it, Vincent.
Yeah, I'm going to go and stay with Aunt Susie for a bit.
-To give Jack his sofa back.
It's probably for the best.
..I just want to say that I understand what you did.
It's the right thing, Lauren.
Can I see Louie before I go?
All right, well, just give him a kiss from me, yeah?
Before I go, will you just tell me about it?
You know, the funeral. Just how it went.
Just feel like I need a picture of it in my mind.
I got your text...
Here's looking at you, kid.
You like Casablanca, right?
No subtitles, I checked.
What is this?
See I've been to the country a few times, with the Army.
So I thought I could introduce you to the local delicacy -
Moroccan Chicken with citrus couscous and green beans,
followed by a Bedouin affogato.
Then we could cosy up downstairs and watch the film together.
Is it too over the top? I knew it.
What about last time? Come on, I thought we were mates?
-Yeah, but this morning you...
-What about this morning?
This ain't my handwriting.
I'm really sorry.
I didn't send you this.
But then who...?
-Cheers, mate. That's my last one.
-Thank you very much indeed.
-You'll be on a promise with that.
Why are you walking funny? Got piles or something?
And, like my feelings, that is the real thing.
That is cheese.
But you're blushing.
No, I ain't.
You're a romantic at heart, you know.
I'm not blushing.
All right, so you don't want me to kiss you again, then?
..I suppose you're not really interested
in coming back to mine, then?
-They don't look happy.
-No, they don't. Come on!
Come on, Lauren, you've got to remember more than that.
It was a tough day.
So how many people were there?
I don't know.
And who...? Who read?
The vicar, and Mum.
What did she say?
She just said how much...how much we loved her.
And that we miss her.
And that's it? What, nothing more?
Like I said, it was a tough day.
-What music did you play, Lauren?
-I need to get him.
-No, go on, tell me. What music?
Ed Sheeran and Florence And The Machine.
Right, and what about order of service?
Cos I've not seen one of those. I want to keep one.
There wasn't any left.
Why are you lying, Lauren?
-I'm not lying.
-No, you are lying. I can tell.
Why? Why are you lying?
What, has she even been buried yet?
All right, so who else knows about this? What, what, Jack, Jay?
What, does Dot know? Mick?
You ain't buried her, have ya, Lauren?