26/02/2018 EastEnders


26/02/2018

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Transcript


LineFromTo

I think you'll find that's check, pal.

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It's not checkmate.

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Shh! I'm trying to think!

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-You could still move.

-I know, I know.

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Watch this.

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What are you doing?!

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Well, it's a special bomb attack, innit?

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You can't do that.

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Well, it's fine, he did that last time.

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Pawns don't do much anyway.

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It's the big guns I look after.

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-You put money on this?

-Yeah.

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He's mugging you right off.

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Do you even know what pawns do?

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They're like infantry.

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Stormtroopers.

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Always the first into battle.

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Make it to the end of the board

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and that's when they have a better chance of taking out the king.

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See, I told you the king was the boss man.

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He's the one that needs protecting.

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Don't mean he goes round chucking bombs!

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PHONE RINGS

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It's the queen you want to watch out for.

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She can go any direction, any distance.

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Well, if she's that powerful,

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she'd be the one you ought to take out first.

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Er, what are you doin'?

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Teaching him properly.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!

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So that invisibility cloak weren't a real move?

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Oi, you owe me a fiver.

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So I forgot some of the rules.

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But I got the basics, didn't I?

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The knight takes people out from the sides.

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-Just like me and Bronson, riding into battle.

-You wish.

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And who are you? The badass queen?

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No, I'm just a pawn.

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One that don't make it down the other end of the board.

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Fancy a game?

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Well, soon as he gives my money back.

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Oi, what are you doing?! Come here, come here!

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Here, Keegan! Keegan, come here!

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Oi!

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-Sorry.

-Don't mind me!

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I wouldn't say no. Quality, that is.

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Do me a favour, leave him alone.

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Ain't you supposed to be knee deep in kids?

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Er, let me just see if that's any of your business.

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-Nope.

-Suit yourself.

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Don't suppose you know anywhere decent round here

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-to get your nails done, do ya?

-Yeah, I do, actually.

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Just down there, turn left and get lost.

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-You ain't funny.

-I ain't joking. Leave me alone.

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So what's he like, then, your old man?

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None of your business.

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He just might be.

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Are we just going to let this happen right under our nose?

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Aidan was just chancing his arm while we were away.

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That's the last of it.

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That's the last dregs.

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Well, he don't look like the last of it.

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Well, it's proving to be a persistent problem.

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No. I want someone out here to look at it.

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Today.

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Oi! Have you ever been to Walford?

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Because I will have a mob with pitchforks

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and flaming torches outside if you don't shut that alarm up.

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Yes, I'll hold.

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I didn't know you were here. Why weren't you in school?

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-Free period.

-You're 15, you don't get free periods.

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Things have changed since the '50s.

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There's no more blackboards any more either.

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This afternoon, double maths. Liar.

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Two-week timetable, independent study. Stalker.

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You can't just pick and choose which bits of school you like.

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Maths is important.

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Name me one time you've had to use Pythagoras theory in actual life.

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Now you're just being obtuse.

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A triangle joke, really?

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Problem?

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Not for much longer.

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You're taking on too much.

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Try leaving me to my own devices, I'm pretty self-sufficient.

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I am quite capable of running a club

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and being an overbearing mother, thank you.

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Yes, I'm still here.

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Four hours?!

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I'll leave you to it then, oh, great, capable one.

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-CAL:

-Take your head off.

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Don't mind me, fella, crack on.

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Thought we made things clear, Grandad.

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You'll be seeing a lot more of me.

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-I remember the last time you made cakes.

-They were brownies.

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And before you say anything, it was Babe's recipe, all right?

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I ain't exactly going to give space cakes to a newborn, am I?

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You can't give any cakes to a newborn, Tina.

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Yeah, all right, it is for Georgie, OK?

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I just thought I'd go and stay there for a couple of days.

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You know, make a bit of an effort.

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So things went well, then?

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He's small fry, he's just a geezer, serving up in the khazi.

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-Happens everywhere.

-Oh, what, you're just going to bend over, Mick?

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We haven't turned into a crack den just yet, have we, Mother?

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You need to sort it.

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It's gonna hit the fan.

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TINA LAUGHS

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Afternoon.

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Look, I'm really sorry about the chess set, Mr Murray.

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And about my mum.

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And my brother.

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I told 'em you weren't some dirty old man. Honest.

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Right, well, better get some food.

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Allotments, 5.30.

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Be there.

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ALARM BLARES

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You got your door wide open, the alarm's going off.

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I mean, it's the ex-copper in me,

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but I could never resist a damsel in distress.

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Well, I'll let you know if I see one.

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-CHUCKLING:

-Well, look, I can help if you like?

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It's being sorted.

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Well, I used to run this place, back in the day.

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-So did I.

-Oh, did ya?

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And thanks, but I'm not sure that I want an ex-copper on the payroll.

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It's the ex-con in me.

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CLATTER

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What, you got visitors?

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Not that I'm aware of.

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Oh, go on, then, my knight in shining armour,

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I suppose I could do with the muscle.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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All right, love?

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You've barely touched your sandwich.

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I weren't hungry.

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You ain't anorexic, are ya?

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Only asking!

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Well, don't.

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I get it.

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Painters are in. Got mine this morning too.

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Mum, please shut up.

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It's weird, innit? How women sync up when they live together.

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It's not. It's a survival thing.

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You what?

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It's so a male can't single out a female in a pack of animals

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just cos they're in heat. I watched it on telly.

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Couldn't find the remote, eh?

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Well, I guess every day's a school day and all that.

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Where are you going?

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Out. And by myself, before you ask.

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You shouldn't be hanging around by yourself.

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It ain't healthy, love.

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Well, what if I like my own company?

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I saw them two girls today.

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You know, the ginger one and the one with the really annoying mother.

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Asked them if they didn't mind a tag-along.

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Bex Fowler? Why would I hang around with her?

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Erm, Bernadette...

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My mum ain't that annoying.

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She is pretty irritating, to be fair.

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Right, I'll leave you girls to it.

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And if you decide to have a drink tonight,

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make sure she stays off the cider.

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It's a Taylor thing, never could handle the scrumpy.

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If L finds out, she'll ring the old bill.

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Maybe that's not such a bad idea.

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You want to rat out the maniac?

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No, we keep our heads down, we don't let it spiral out of control.

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That should be our family motto.

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LAUGHTER

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What do you reckon, Jay? What, you reckon they're on it or what?

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Yeah.

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That ain't just drink, though.

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-By the end of the week, we are going to be earning...

-All right, boys.

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Yeah, all good. Thank you.

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Lovely, lovely.

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I think you need to wipe your hooter.

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Now, I'm not usually one to cast aspersion,

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and I don't really care what you whack up your toffee noses.

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What I do care about is my reputation.

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Now, no matter what you find in that khazi, this is a family pub.

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I'm a family man.

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I'm going to give you ten seconds to drink your drinks

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and get out of this pub lively.

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Come on, fellas, we don't need this.

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That Walford gear. 50% rat poison, 50% talcum powder.

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Them idiots'll buy that, definitely.

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Apparently, his mum was married to Ian Beale.

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-Who hasn't?

-I know, right?

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DOORBELL RINGS

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-I'll get it.

-No, that'll be Louise.

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Nice try, though.

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Don't talk much, do ya?

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It's hard to get a word in. Didn't know you two were close.

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She's my cousin.

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Her annoying mum is my annoying aunt.

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And if it weren't for my annoying sister, I wouldn't be here either.

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I am so glad you're here.

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Your mum told Sharon everything.

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Everything about what?

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That old paedo who lives underneath you.

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Look, I know these things can be really hard to talk about,

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so, if you want, you can just point to the doll if it's easier?

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Teen...

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ALARM BLARES

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Right, it looks like the coast is clear.

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Must be on some kind of timer.

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It would help if the instructions weren't in Chinese.

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Well, let me have a look.

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I've got a similar system to this one on my other properties.

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Nightclub owner to property magnate.

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Am I meant to be impressed?

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Well, you know what they say about humble beginnings.

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Yeah, you wouldn't say that to the last woman who ran this place.

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Nah, no, you wouldn't.

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Heard she drowned on her wedding day.

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Talk about getting cold feet.

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It was our wedding day.

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Haven't you got a stiff to embalm?

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There's only one stiff of mine that needs embalming, Shirl, me girl.

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Half day today.

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That's the beauty of the stiffs, see,

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they tend to stay where you leave 'em. Know what I mean?

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If it's the Columbian marching powder you're after,

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he's in the gents.

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Wait! Wait, just sit. Please?

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He's really got his claws into you.

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All right, slow down, Jeremy Kyle. She might be telling the truth.

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I am! I'm meant to be meeting him later, he's teaching me chess!

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-This is classic grooming, girls.

-I need to go, I'm going to be late.

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We kind of told your mum that we'd keep an eye on you.

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Yeah, she tried to bribe us with cigarettes.

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Why is everyone treating me like I'm some kind of kid?

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Where are you going?

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To the toilet.

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Why, do I need your permission to go there an' all?

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Quality bit of gear, that.

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You won't know whether you're coming up, coming down

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or just off your nut. All right?

0:12:140:12:16

So you think this plan of yours is going to work, do ya, Pablo Escobar?

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Well, I don't see you coming up with any better ideas.

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Well, here's one, talk to him. Tell him you're not having it.

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You have met him, in't ya?

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Just be straight with him, instead of telling him stories.

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Trust me, this'll work.

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And you think Big Mr Jim O'Leary is just gonna shrug his shoulders

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and admit defeat, do you?

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What is it with all these gangster references?

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I watched a documentary.

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Lovely.

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You told me to sort it, so I'm sorting it.

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And I'm sorting it my way.

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Whit, I'm back!

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You all right?

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Yeah. Are the kids behaving?

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Yeah, good as gold.

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Everything all right?

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Martin's solicitor.

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I thought you'd put a stop to that.

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Yeah, so did I.

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Oi!

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What's this, citizen's arrest?

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I'm not having you serving up to bin lids.

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Yeah? The boss won't be happy.

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I don't care what he says.

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Get out, go on, get out.

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Aidan.

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I think it's about time me and you had a little chat, don't you?

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You were a tad condescending.

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Maybe it's what she needs.

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You never listened to me about Mr Price.

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SHE GROANS

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She could do with the friends, I guess.

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Exactly. Look, consider this community service.

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She does your head in, don't she?

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You'd never guess her mum's in the loony bin, her dad's an ex-con

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and her gay brother knocked up her cousin, would ya?

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Think she means well.

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No. She wants to look like she means well.

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There's a difference.

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Why is it so hard to believe that me and Ted are just friends?

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Cos he's a bloke.

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And not all blokes are psychos or murderers, you know.

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Well, you clearly ain't lived on the Square long enough, then, have you?

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-I believe you.

-Really?

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Why not? And you know what else?

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I'm gonna get you out of here.

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Must be hard for you.

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You get used to it.

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-Being surrounded by ghosts.

-I'll drink to that.

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The Phoenix? Rising from the ashes, are you?

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Yeah, well, I'm not turning everything into them.

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Do you think it's a bit pretentious?

0:15:060:15:09

No, no, I like it.

0:15:100:15:13

No problem putting your own stamp on things, is there?

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Right, I should get going. I hope you get things sorted out.

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After waiting four hours for a 300 quid call-out,

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I am expecting them to take me for dinner afterwards.

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-300 quid?

-Yeah.

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Well, they saw you coming, didn't they?

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Oh, don't tell me. You can do it for cheaper?

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HE SCOFFS

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I could do it for a tonne.

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And another drink when I'm done.

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Well, I can hardly say no to a widower, can I? You're on.

0:15:370:15:39

Cheers, mate. See you in a bit.

0:15:410:15:43

-Oh, here we go.

-Yeah, here we go.

0:15:450:15:47

What the hell is this rubbish coming through my front door?

0:15:470:15:50

Well, they must have already sent it.

0:15:520:15:54

Stace, come on, be reasonable.

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Hang on a minute.

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You filed for divorce, you snuck into my house,

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hacked into my computer and I'm the one who's unreasonable?

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I promise you, I rang 'em straight away, I told 'em to stop everything.

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Well, it clearly didn't work, did it?

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Right, well, I'll sort it, I swear.

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Bye, then.

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You're looking well, Michael.

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New moisturiser, takes years off you.

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I'll have to take your word for that.

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Never worked for me.

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You know, my dad loved the arrows.

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Used to say double top was his forte.

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Yeah, I remember, used to teach me as a lad.

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Yeah, I can see it now, father and son, applying for Bullseye.

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People used to say we were very similar, you know.

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Prison, the temper, the violence.

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There was one way we did differ.

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I always hit me mark.

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Just follow my lead, yeah?

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And three, two, one...

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-Are you all right?

-Yeah, just off to get a bit of fresh air.

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Be right back, won't we?

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But we promised Karen...

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Yeah, and I'm still with her, aren't I?

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-We ain't gonna be long.

-Why don't we come with you?

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Because we need a bit of fresh air, not hot air, all right?

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-Just give the girl a bit of space a minute, woman!

-I'm fine, really.

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We're just going to go get some munch, then we're gonna come back

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and listen to Bex play her lovely guitar,

0:17:330:17:34

-that's what you wanted, innit, Bernie?

-Yeah...

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-Sounds great.

-Oh!

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I'll just go get it, then.

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Now look what you've done!

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Bex, I thought the strings were broken.

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We crushed it. You're free.

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What about my mum?

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If she asks anything, I'll just say I was with you all day.

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Why are you helping me? Is this a trick or something?

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No, it ain't a trick.

0:17:580:17:59

I'd just... I'd rather help out someone I actually like,

0:17:590:18:02

than sit and hang out with discount Mean Girls.

0:18:020:18:05

Still, don't know why you'd want to sit and play board games

0:18:050:18:07

with some old man, but, you know, whatever bloats your goat.

0:18:070:18:10

Thanks.

0:18:100:18:12

Well, as long as he definitely ain't a paedo.

0:18:120:18:14

He definitely ain't a paedo.

0:18:140:18:16

I'm going to be late.

0:18:180:18:19

Then go!

0:18:190:18:20

All right, watch the hair.

0:18:260:18:27

There are just certain things I can't turn a blind eye to,

0:18:270:18:30

drugs being one of them.

0:18:300:18:32

There was a punter in here the other day, he was just a kid.

0:18:330:18:37

I can't say yes to that.

0:18:370:18:39

I hear you.

0:18:390:18:40

-Really?

-Yeah.

0:18:420:18:43

You're very fond of this place, aren't you?

0:18:430:18:46

It's my home.

0:18:460:18:47

Yeah, all that trouble with Linda.

0:18:480:18:51

She's a great girl.

0:18:510:18:52

She's the best, you know, but...

0:18:520:18:54

..if she finds out, you know, she can be quite irrational,

0:18:550:18:59

if you know what I mean...

0:18:590:19:00

Yeah, I think I understand.

0:19:000:19:02

Woman scorned and all that.

0:19:020:19:04

But she didn't get on her hobby horse

0:19:040:19:06

when she accepted stolen money for this place, now, did she?

0:19:060:19:10

What are you talking about?

0:19:110:19:13

You know what I'm talking about.

0:19:130:19:15

You know exactly who took my money.

0:19:150:19:18

I told you.

0:19:190:19:21

Fi Browning let us have the Vic back.

0:19:210:19:24

You know, it breaks my heart when you lie to me,

0:19:250:19:28

Michael, it really does.

0:19:280:19:30

Now, I may not have the proof yet, but I will.

0:19:300:19:32

And, in the meantime, you will repay me every single penny,

0:19:320:19:37

in any manner I see fit.

0:19:370:19:40

Am I making myself clear, son?

0:19:400:19:42

This isn't just my business. It's my home.

0:19:420:19:46

I dare say Vincent felt the same way about The Albert.

0:19:460:19:49

Didn't stop me taking it.

0:19:490:19:51

Look, it's simple.

0:19:520:19:54

Put an out-of-order sign over the toilet.

0:19:540:19:56

Keep your mouth shut.

0:19:560:19:59

No more bags of flour.

0:19:590:20:00

I think...I'm going to enjoy working here.

0:20:020:20:07

-How are you getting on?

-Yeah, nearly there.

0:20:170:20:19

Looks it.

0:20:190:20:21

Well, as far as I can see, nothing wrong with that alarm.

0:20:210:20:25

You must have a real ghost here.

0:20:250:20:27

And you know what they say about that, don't you? Slippery slope.

0:20:270:20:30

Yeah, I found it behind the bar earlier.

0:20:300:20:33

But I haven't even opened my stock yet.

0:20:330:20:35

Well, it sounds to me you need to get some CCTV put in here.

0:20:350:20:39

Do you mind if I have a drop of this, this apple juice?

0:20:390:20:41

Yeah, go ahead.

0:20:410:20:42

What, so, it happens the same time every morning, like clockwork?

0:20:420:20:45

Yeah, around 8.00.

0:20:450:20:47

Well, maybe it's not broken. Maybe it's just doing its job.

0:20:470:20:50

Did you say apple juice? No! Don't drink that!

0:20:530:20:55

Oh, that is disgusting!

0:20:550:20:56

-Ew!

-Ow!

0:20:560:20:58

Right, stand back. Right, I'm armed.

0:20:580:21:00

Out.

0:21:000:21:01

Now.

0:21:010:21:02

JACK SIGHS

0:21:090:21:11

Ted?

0:21:140:21:15

Great(!)

0:21:170:21:18

What time do you call this?

0:21:220:21:24

-CHUCKLING:

-It doesn't matter.

0:21:250:21:27

It's your move.

0:21:310:21:32

Well, I was walking past and I see that the door was open,

0:21:340:21:36

so I thought I better come in, you know,

0:21:360:21:38

check that you weren't being robbed.

0:21:380:21:39

Anyway, I must have knocked myself out, you know,

0:21:390:21:42

when I was looking under your desk.

0:21:420:21:44

With a sleeping bag?

0:21:440:21:45

All right, look, I just needed somewhere to get me head down, OK?

0:21:480:21:51

I'll pay you back for the booze.

0:21:510:21:52

Billy, it's pretty grim.

0:21:520:21:54

I didn't want to set off the alarms once I got in here.

0:21:540:21:57

If I was you, I'd call the police.

0:21:570:21:58

Give 'em my name, they'll bump you up the list.

0:21:580:22:00

Oh, that's nice, innit?

0:22:000:22:01

Kick a man while he's down.

0:22:010:22:03

I will not be calling the police.

0:22:030:22:06

Maybe some other time.

0:22:060:22:08

And what about my fee?

0:22:080:22:09

What, for telling me that it's not broken?

0:22:090:22:12

Here.

0:22:120:22:14

Call me.

0:22:140:22:15

Right, so we've got breaking and entering,

0:22:230:22:28

rough sleeping

0:22:280:22:30

and serious dehydration,

0:22:300:22:32

where would you like to start, Billy?

0:22:320:22:34

Oh, Teen. What is it?

0:22:400:22:42

I'm no good at all this domestic stuff.

0:22:420:22:45

Honestly, Mick. How do you do it?

0:22:450:22:47

How did you raise four gorgeous children

0:22:470:22:48

and I can't even manage one?

0:22:480:22:50

On a wing and a prayer, baby.

0:22:500:22:51

Yeah, and the rest! You and Linda are like superheroes.

0:22:510:22:54

Well, I don't know what my superpower would be.

0:22:540:22:57

Always landing on your feet.

0:22:570:22:58

No matter what life throws at you, you can't keep the good dog down.

0:22:580:23:02

No, I don't think that makes me a hero.

0:23:020:23:04

It does in my eyes. I gotta go. Do you want me to save you a slice?

0:23:040:23:07

Nah, I'm all right, Teen. I'll just lick the old bowl.

0:23:070:23:09

Move!

0:23:110:23:12

Who are you talking to?

0:23:170:23:18

You're making a big mistake.

0:23:200:23:22

Is that right, mug? Jay, cop for the door.

0:23:220:23:25

Come here, come here, get out!

0:23:250:23:27

If you disrespect my family again, I'll smash you to pieces.

0:23:310:23:34

Do you hear me? Go on.

0:23:340:23:35

Put the bat away, Mother.

0:23:370:23:38

My house, my rules.

0:23:390:23:41

You said be direct.

0:23:430:23:45

DOORBELL RINGS

0:23:520:23:54

Stinks of poo in here.

0:24:020:24:03

What do you think?

0:24:050:24:06

Vile.

0:24:060:24:08

Charming.

0:24:080:24:09

Right, sit down.

0:24:170:24:18

You can tell me exactly what is going on.

0:24:210:24:23

You're still here, then?

0:24:350:24:36

Shut up.

0:24:360:24:37

That's the trouble with you lot, innit, eh?

0:24:370:24:40

You don't like being pulled up on things

0:24:400:24:42

even when you've been caught out.

0:24:420:24:43

-Well, you know nothing.

-Yeah, I do.

0:24:430:24:45

And I know if I was you, I'd quit whilst I was ahead.

0:24:450:24:48

Won't be needing this, then, will you?

0:24:480:24:50

Give me that! Give me that!

0:24:500:24:52

What's the matter, big man?

0:24:520:24:54

Oi!

0:24:540:24:55

-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

0:25:000:25:02

Michael.

0:25:150:25:16

It would appear that we have a breakdown in communication.

0:25:180:25:21

Do you need me to go over our business arrangements again?

0:25:210:25:25

Well, if you'd entered my establishment

0:25:250:25:27

through the proper entrance,

0:25:270:25:28

then you'd have seen there's a sign above the door.

0:25:280:25:30

Says, "Mick Carter." You can't miss it.

0:25:300:25:33

HE LAUGHS

0:25:360:25:38

You nearly had me going there.

0:25:410:25:43

You know, for a minute, I thought you'd taken leave of your senses.

0:25:430:25:46

It sounded like as if you were disobeying me.

0:25:460:25:48

You don't get it, Michael, do you?

0:25:500:25:52

Maybe Elaine Peacock might understand?

0:25:540:25:57

Or your boy in Dover?

0:25:570:25:59

Or Nancy might get the message sooner.

0:25:590:26:03

In Australia, is it?

0:26:030:26:05

You see, Michael...

0:26:050:26:07

I am at the centre of a very large web.

0:26:070:26:11

You leave my family alone.

0:26:110:26:13

They'll be fine.

0:26:140:26:15

But cross me again

0:26:160:26:18

and there will be consequences.

0:26:180:26:21

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