22/02/2018 EastEnders

Hey!

PHONE RINGS

-Savannah... Savannah, listen...

-You owe me, mate. Big time.

PHONE RINGS

Next time answer it, will ya?

Well, it is your phone...

I do not want to be too far from the khazi right now.

Hello? Yeah, this is Karen Taylor.

Bernie?

-What's wrong with her now? She's been in such a weird mood.

-No.

She's with you lot, ain't she, in school?

Well, where is she then?

I don't believe this.

Well, maybe you took it home.

I left it right there. Ready for the thrashing.

Maybe you just tidied it away somewhere.

I am old, Joyce, I am not senile.

Maybe Bernadette did it then.

Just thinking that she was helping.

Helping herself, more like.

Oh, Ted!

So what do we know about him, then?

He's bought a couple of properties from us lately.

Serious investor, I see.

-Cash buyer too.

-Right.

But he's careful.

Which is why he's asked to see all your accounts and records.

Anything you can lay your hands on, and as up-to-date as possible.

I'll have to bell the accountant then.

Only thing is...

..he asked about the price.

You did say we'd knock something off for cash?

He thinks it's still too high.

So he wants to knock me down further then?

You know the score, it's a buyer's market right now.

You want to sell and sell quick.

The trouble is, he's probably looking at other places

which are wanting to sell even quicker.

Still a buyer, Vince.

I did it.

Oh, you did? And what have you done?

Look...

Hold on... What letter is that?

-K.

-K! Did you see that?

-Hmm...

-K.

-Look...

Very good.

My daughter is three years old and she's already doing the alphabet!

-Very good.

-I just double it.

What was she thinking?

She wasn't. She can't. She hasn't got a brain.

Zsa Zsa told you what Mum was like when she gets a drink inside her.

-I know...

-She turns into a psycho.

-And she knows where I am now.

-Well, she's not here though, is she?

Yeah, no thanks to motormouth out there.

-SHE SCREAMS

-Look...

Tina made a mistake.

She probably thought she was helping you.

But she was wrong.

And I'll tell her that.

-Hiya.

-Hi, hi, hi.

Pearl is going to Eton.

What?

Where's the presents?

Or Harrow. I don't mind.

Yeah, but ain't they boys' schools?

-Why don't you show Auntie Donna what you've been working on?

-Hi.

-And then, maybe, she might give you a present.

-Yeah.

-Where's the present?

-I've got your present.

Look, I'll be back in time for the start of the party.

I just want to go and humiliate Ted first.

All right, then. There you go, what do you say? Thank you...

Very good. See, these are letters.

-That's a K.

-Yeah, I can see.

And at her age. Yes.

Some people round here can't write properly at the age of 30,

let alone three. Yes. Very good.

-Where is she?

-Where's who?

-That light-fingered sister of yours?

-Hey, watch your mouth, Ted.

-She has scarpered with my property.

Why is it whenever anything goes missing,

-it's always the Taylors that must've nicked it?

-Cap? Fit?

Yeah, well, it doesn't fit any of us and if anything's gone

missing from your gaff it'll have nothing to do with my Bernie.

It's not the flat. It's the allotment.

Are you serious?

You're missing a couple of spuds and you think she's taken them?

-It's not the spuds either.

-Well, don't say sprouts cos she hates 'em.

-It's my chess set.

-You what?

She was the last one in that shed and now it's gone,

so it's gotta be her.

-Chess?

-Yes.

-Kings and queens and all that cobblers?

Yes. And it's not cobblers.

Yeah, not for an old man like you maybe.

And not for Bernadette either. She's been playing for weeks.

I've been teaching her. The hours we've spent in that shed,

showing her all my best moves, and she repays me like this...

Is this is where she's been rather than school?

Well, if you're not going to tell me where she is, I'll have to find her meself.

Someone's busy.

Meeting a buyer. Well, maybe a buyer. Look...

I want to apologise about earlier, OK.

I shouldn't have come at you like that, it's just...

Look, you wanted to make a sale, and you wanted to make it quick.

Yeah.

And there's nothing more to it than that, no?

Look, I ain't been a copper for a long time, all right.

You ain't been around coppers for a long time yourself, so...

I'm just saying I've got a nose for these sort of things and something don't seem right.

Look, I can't raise that sort of cash this quick.

But if you need some other sort of help...

If someone's putting the squeeze on ya...

Then you just get squeezed too.

Is that what's happening?

No, no, no. I'm fine, Jack.

Really.

Yeah, I thought you'd say that.

Thought I'd say it anyway.

Another punter did the same earlier on.

What, just come in to use the khazi?

Yeah, then went straight back out again.

OK, I'm sorry, all right?

But what you said to Georgi earlier, honestly, Shirl, it's true.

I really was just trying to do the best thing.

Do you know anything about Georgi's mum?

-Well, no.

-Did you ask?

-Well...

-No, because you weren't really interested, were you?

-What's that mean?

-It means none of this is about Georgi.

It's all about you, trying to prove that you're a good mum.

Yeah, there you go, mate.

-All right, pal, take care...

-'Ere, Martin, you seen Bernadette?

No. Although, Robbie said she was here earlier.

-Banging on about chess sets or something.

-Chess sets?

-Yeah, she's getting into all that now, isn't she?

-Oh, she's getting into it all right.

Hello, Barrow Boy!

-You all right?

-Don't I look it?

-Sorry, can I help you?

-Oh, I'm sure you can.

Don't mind, do ya?

No, I'll let you off.

Cor, don't do me a favour, will ya?

Sorry, I was just sayin'...

I'm winding you up, mate.

Your face! It's a pretty one, all right.

What are you doing?

Is that one of Ted's, do you reckon?

Must be.

So what's it doing under Bernie's bed?

That's what I want to know.

Vincent! Vincent!

What the hell are you up to?

What?

-What was that note all about?

-Has Kim seen it?

No, Pearl got to it first and then I binned it.

Vincent.

Come on, Bronson.

I've just seen Ted back in the Square.

He's looking for you, you know.

Did you take his chess set?

No.

Well, yeah, but not take it, not like that, I just borrowed it,

that's all. I wanted to put some practice in.

-Where is it then?

-At home.

Well, just bring it back and explain.

Apart from one piece.

The white queen.

Well, it was white.

Well, where is it then?

I've messed up, ain't I? I've really messed up this time.

They're your family, Vincent.

I know...

And you were just going to walk out on them, like that?

Is this my fault?

What?

All the stuff I was saying about your dad?

How you were better off without him?

We weren't better off without him, not really.

Yeah, so why do you think Kim

and Pearl would be better off without you?

Vincent, if you ever,

ever get into that state again, you talk to us.

You talk to your family.

You don't just try and do a runner and leave some stupid note behind.

It was a blip, right? I didn't mean it, not...

Not really, I just panicked.

But you're OK now?

Yeah.

Promise?

Promise.

-Oh, come on. It's not actually lost though, is it?

-What?

OK, it's...

..missing.

But give it time...

I haven't got time though, have I? Mr Murray already knows it's gone.

When Ted realises what actually happened he'll probably have

a big laugh.

It is still going to be a huge relief.

I got your message.

Ah, is she here?

We want a word with you.

What about?

You and my teenage daughter.

The two of ya...

Locked in your shed.

HE MOUTHS

You've got it all wrong, Shirl. I weren't trying to prove nothing.

-Well, you're the expert on that.

-I just felt sorry for her.

All right, have a pop at me when I've done something wrong. But I ain't just going to lie down...

-Why do you think she did it?

-What?

Why do you think Zsa Zsa didn't ring you when she needed help?

And don't say you didn't think about it, cos you mentioned it to me.

-We're just going through a rough patch...

-Because you're a kid.

You're a 43-year-old kid that goes about with

Liquorice Allsorts on her arm.

One day a lesbian, the next a marriage wrecker.

And when you're not doing all of that, you're waking

up in some pub bog with a tattoo of Peter Pan on your bum.

Leg.

Not knowing whether you've had it off with some loser.

Why didn't Zsa Zsa ring you when she needed help?

I can't imagine.

Let's see if we can see Daddy. Can you see Daddy?

Come on, quick, quick, quick. Mind your step. Come on.

-You all right?

-Hey, you, come on in, you.

We just thought we'd come by

and come along to wish you good luck before the kids arrive.

Yeah, I'll be back as quick as I can.

Oh, and we've got some news as well.

Our daughter is a genius.

It's official. I can show you the evidence when you get back.

-All right...

-So have you got any news?

You said you was going to show someone some papers or something?

Oh, it didn't quite work out.

-But Savannah's actually found someone else. A cash buyer this time too.

-Oh, cash?

Apparently he's seen the place before. Savannah's shown him round,

and he'll be back in a few minutes.

OK, well, it's a good thing that I brought this then. Yeah...

I've always fancied you in that.

I'm trying to sell the place to someone,

not do a "ting" with them, Babes.

Vincent, when somebody's going to hand over that kind of money,

you lay back and you think of England.

Yeah, that's what you do.

What?

It might not be the amount of cash we was counting on.

Probably the reason why the punter's so interested all of a sudden.

I've had to reduce the price.

By how much?

Enough.

That's all we need, isn't it? Enough.

I mean, anything more it's just, I dunno, just greedy.

Yeah?

I don't deserve you.

Oh... Oh... Hold on a minute, say that again.

-I want to record it.

-I'm being serious.

And so am I.

Say it again.

I...don't...deserve...you.

Thank you.

See you later. Say, "Bye, Daddy."

-Bye.

-Bye.

-See you later, baby.

OK. Good luck, Babe, OK? Come on, let's go.

Quick, quick, quick...

Hey, do you want me to come in with you?

I'll do it. You're right. I should've done it from the start.

Just hope I ain't done too much damage.

I told you, it's a waiting game.

I wasn't talking about the chess piece.

Mr Murray's spent ages teaching me which pieces move where.

Beginners. That is his favourite opponent.

He didn't have to. Just hope I ain't upset him too much.

Ted is a reasonable man.

His bark is a lot worse than his bite. See ya.

See ya. All right, all right.

-TED:

-I don't believe I'm hearing this.

Yeah, and I can't believe what you've been doing.

I'm not going to say this again to either of you.

I haven't done anything!

I'm waiting for someone.

No, Vincent.

You're waiting for me.

Oh, here she is...

-You found it?

-I found it.

Under your bed, Bernie.

Do you know what they're accusing me of?

Do I look like a nonce?

Of course you don't. Cos he ain't...

-Yeah, you're probably just saying that cos he's got you under his spell.

-Under my what?

Yeah. Stockport Syndrome that is.

-Stockholm, you dozy...

-Expert, are you?

Mum, you've got this so wrong.

Are you seriously telling me that you've been spending

all your time with him moving stupid bits of wood around?

Yes! And I'll show you.

I reckon it suited you.

-What?

-If you're right, if I am just a big kid then maybe it's

-because you always treated me like one.

-Yeah, well, I didn't have much option, did I?

Oh, cos that's you all over innit? Y'know, you and me, you and Hev?

What's Hev got to do with this?

You always did need somebody to kick around.

Mum should have got you a poodle when we was little to give the rest of us a break.

Oh, is that it?

Everything that went wrong in Tina's life is down to her big sister?

No, not everything, no. I was a rubbish mum, I admit it.

-But at least I only let down one kid, I never walked out on three.

-Keep going, Teen!

What are you saying? That I turned one of mine into a rapist too?

And I tried to change, but you wouldn't have it, would you?

What are you talking about?

I would've gone to the police about Janet if it hadn't been for you.

Because I knew what would happen. You wouldn't last five minutes inside.

Because you know everything, don't you?

Well, when it concerns you, it's not exactly difficult. So yeah, maybe I do.

Doesn't matter what I want, doesn't matter what I say,

-it's all about you and no-one else.

-You've got a tongue in your head!

-Why didn't you tell me to take a running jump?

-I did. With Mum.

-What are you on about now?

-Oh, hit a nerve, have I?

Saint Sylvie and her little helper.

No, she weren't no saint, no.

But, yeah, I did help her, and a hell of a lot more than you did.

And, yeah, I might have been a rubbish mum,

but I wasn't a rubbish daughter and you hate that, don't you?

That really screws up your head, doesn't it?

Cos that is something that I did, all by myself and you didn't

and you can't ever take that away from me neither.

-And you'll never let us forget it, will you? And we all know why.

-What does that mean?

Because it's the one, sad little thing that you've ever

done in your life that is half decent.

And the trouble is, there's nothing else, is there?

That's why you keep going on about it all the time.

Not one single, solitary, thing.

Shirl...

What is it?

That's the third one in the last half hour.

Right.

Get out! And don't come back.

The same goes for you.

Boss ain't going to like this.

The boss?

So this has all been a game?

-Call it what you will, Vincent.

-What else would you call it?

Having me running around for the last couple of hours,

collecting all this,

when there weren't no buyers anyway?

You had me waste all this time -

time you told me to use trying to get rid of this place.

At a knock down price, I've been hearing.

Which means less money for me in the end.

So you've been talking to some of the punters, I see?

And I don't see this as a waste of time.

I have been looking forward to sitting down with my people,

seeing how we can maximise revenue and cut costs.

You see, Vincent,

I have no confidence that you will sell The Albert at any price

and therefore I have no confidence that I will see my money.

So in lieu of that hard cash...

..I will accept the next best thing.

Bricks and mortar.

This place is worth a lot more than what I owe you.

No problem.

Bring me the cash instead.

-Don't tell me.

-What?

Do you want to do it or shall I?

Do what?

Checkmate.

So this really is what you've been doing?

And getting better and better at it every day.

Which is no excuse for taking my set home.

I'm sorry, I really am, I was only meant to keep

it for a couple of hours, you know, just to practise...

And then it got knocked over and I saw Bronson and I thought...

All right, maybe... Maybe I should say sorry, too.

But you must admit it does look a bit weird.

You know, old man, young girl...

Maybe keep it at sorry, eh, Mum?

Still a bit weird if you ask me.

No-one has, so shut up.

I'll see you tomorrow, yeah? Return match?

Return match.

Still be the same result though.

Nonce...

This... This... This can't be legal.

I can't just sign a piece of paper and you get my business.

You're right, that would require two pieces of paper.

This property is a separate legal entity to the business, The Albert.

And as I'm acquiring both, I need to effect two transfers.

But if you were just to sign the property to me without me

paying you any money,

a court could argue that I was just holding the property as a trustee.

So let's make this all above board.

As far as the business is concerned, we just need to complete a stock transfer form

and issue some share certificates as proof of ownership.

This...

..is all...

..I have.

It pays the mortgage on my house.

My wife and daughter - it keeps a roof...

..over their heads.

Look, my daughter's having a birthday party,

it starts in a few minutes.

If I sign this...

..I have nothing.

They have nothing.

You will have your health, Vincent.

And the breath in your body.

DOOR OPENS

Savannah!

You found a new buyer?

Are we all done here?

You've softened him up nicely.

Nice doing business with you.

Thank you.

KNOCK AT DOOR

You all right, love? Bernie...

What?

I got it wrong, OK? Hands up.

But your brother's right, it is a bit weird.

Chess ain't weird, lots of people play it.

But you spending all your time in some shed with a bloke

old enough to be your grandad.

Yeah, and Mr Trueman.

All right, two blokes old enough to be your grandad.

Why don't you hang around with people your own age for a change?

-I don't want to.

-Well, I want you to.

-You should be having fun.

-I am having fun.

Proper fun.

What? Boozing it up like Keegan, you mean? Rolling home legless?

Exactly. Normal stuff.

You can start tomorrow.

In the meantime, why don't you find some school friends online?

You know, see if there's any parties coming up or something.

Mum!

OK, OK.

Love you.

Yes.

Yes!

That's it, Kimberley.

That is the cake!

Ay! Who put this in there? Huh?

Artist as well as a genius.

Just in time - the first of the kids have just arrived, yeah?

So, how did it go? Did he bite?

Yeah.

What did I tell you? Lucky jacket. Rrrr...

Listen, I'm going to open up something fizzy, yeah?

It's time to celebrate.

Whoo!

RADIO PLAYS

-Some of us are trying to sleep.

-Yeah...

Some of us were trying to sleep at three o'clock this morning

when you come clattering in.

Here. Extra black pudding there, you need the iron.

-Thanks, Shirl.

-We can pick the keys up to the bedsit after 11.

-You're leaving?

-No choice now Mum knows I'm here.

Walford's own Mother Teresa.

Thanks, Shirley, you've really helped.

These waterproof tenners are the dog's.

Survived the wash in Mr Lewis's pocket.

You know that's stealing?

-You keep an eye on your homework.

-It's not homework.

I'm starting a club at school.

You know you're going to get crucified for that, don't you?

-Shut up.

-It is a bit of a bully-target, love.

Well, you're the one telling me to make friends my own age.

I know, but the specky, nerdy gang...

Oh, Bernie, love, I didn't mean...

-I'm ringing you both in sick.

-Yes!

No, you need to spend the day with your sister.

I'd rather go to school.

Someone needs to teach her how to be a normal teenager.

She's a loner, there's no changing that.

Bernie!

-Hey.

-You all right?

-Yeah.

-Cup of tea?

-Please.

OK. Thanks for doing the nursery run.

Pearl was so excited when she knew you were taking her.

She cried all the way there.

That's because she loves you.

-We both do.

-And I love you both too.

-Mm.

-Biscuits?

-What do you want?

Who says I want anything?

Just a little something to celebrate the end of austerity.

You were listening when I said that we still aren't that flush?

-Yeah, but you sold The Albert though?

-For a lower price.

I bought you a pair of gold earrings like this for your birthday.

Yeah, but these are Welsh gold.

What's the difference?

They're Welsh!

Mined straight from Ben Nevis.

So, if you don't mind lending me your...

Our little flexible friend...

I actually think I left my wallet in Pearl's bag.

-OK, well, go and get it, then.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's the rush? I mean, I still have our...

..flexible friend.

SHE GIGGLES

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Family table, family table.

-Upstairs.

-Upstairs?

-Upstairs.

KIM GIGGLES

Oi! What are you doin'?

Scumbag.

Ah, so you're back then?

Yep. Linda got a couple of tickets for Mamma Mia! so I slipped Johnny a score.

-He took one for the team, I hit the M6 sharpish.

-Now you're here there's something...

Yeah, hold up a minute cos I'm clucking for a decent cup of Rosie Lee.

-Mick, we seriously need to talk.

-Hey, Mick!

Oh, lovely. Let me guess - you was bang on it last night?

Oh, if only it was just last night.

-What do you expect? I'm hardly welcome here, am I?

-Oh, grow up!

Oh, so is this what happens, yeah? The cat's away, the mice want to go

-12 rounds. Is this what you want to talk to me about?

-No, listen...

FROM UPSTAIRS: Help!

Georgi!

Who's Georgi?

-Something's wrong.

-No.

No, nothing's wrong.

-Your waters have broken.

-But I'm not due yet!

-Oh, brilliant!

-Is she all right?

-What does it look like?

-Right, I'll go open up.

What are you talking about, open up? I tell you what you're going to do, you're going to get her out of her

before she spawns on Linda's goose down, otherwise it will be Armageddon.

Georgi, we need to get you in the living room now.

Call an ambulance.

I walked around in the early stages with Zsa Zsa.

And look how that turned out.

Just call the ambulance!

-Ms Lund's going to kill us if we bunk school again.

-Chill.

I called us in sick, and she ain't going to check anyway, is she?

-Paedo pitch invasion!

-You're a vulgar little lout, Keegan.

And you know it's not true, so say you're sorry.

What you crying for? It was a joke.

-Ay, put this on.

-What?

Come on, don't be such a melt.

Why are you doing this? You never hang with me.

Well, everyone else is in school, ain't they?

That's better! Go on, then, say cheese.

-Cheese.

-One more...

No. Go away.

-Ta.

-Thank you.

I still don't see how this timetable's any fairer?

You been going through my stuff?

Well, Dot wants to know when she's going to see Hope. Sunday for a couple of hours apparently.

-Yeah, I'll do a lunch.

-That's not the point, is it?

-It's your right to have the children half the time.

-Well, it's better than not seeing them at all, innit?

-Do you know, I should get you measured up. Dot needs a new hall carpet.

-Oh, not again.

Look, the smoother it goes between me and Stace, the better it is for the kids.

PHONE BEEPS

See? Ye of little faith.

She says I can have the kids now.

What, while you're working?

You can't put your life on hold for her.

Being a dad is my life.

-This can't be happening.

-You've got to hang in there till we get you to hospital.

I don't know, I'll ask... Is she breathing?

-Are you thick?

-Yes, yes, she's breathing.

OK, you have to lay her on her side, put a pillow under her head.

-No, no, no, no, the left side.

-Well, what difference does it make?

Why the left side?

OK, cos it maximises the...

Gimme the phone!

Hello? Yeah, sorry about that.

Yeah, my name's Shirley. Who am I talking to, please?

Hello, Talitha, you need to get an ambulance here as quickly as possible.

Yep. First-time mum.

Baby is a couple of weeks premature.

Yeah, brought on by the stress.

Cor, business really been this good, Trace?

We've had a lot of new faces in.

Oh, yeah? Scarecrow Shirl losing her touch, is she?

Oi, you want to use the khazi, buy a drink. This ain't a charity.

-Shall we go to the park?

-Yeah.

Yeah? We go on the slides and the swings?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, best day ever!

-Thanks for this.

I can't get any housework done with them under my feet.

It's all right. It must be tough on your own.

-I'm managing.

-I didn't mean it like that.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-All right.

-How are you doing?

-Yeah, good. They're just in here.

Right.

Hey, I got your text. About taking Arthur? Hello.

-Yeah.

-Well, I just thought it was...

No, you've got Hope and Kush has got Arthur and I get peace and quiet.

-Can you bring 'em back by two, please?

-Yep.

-Come and say hello. Come on.

-Go on, then. Go and see Daddy Kush.

What have you got? You got cars.

What are we going to do today?

-Thirsty work.

-Huh.

Well, I hope you saved room for dessert.

I've been watching my dairy.

It's not for you.

Huh...

Huh!

KIM GIGGLES

She's having contractions every couple of minutes.

You're going to be all right. I made you cup of tea.

-I don't want tea, I want drugs.

-Yeah, I know...

Get off! Everything hurts.

Ambulance won't be here for a while.

She seems pretty close.

Do you think? Hold on, please.

Georgi...

Ambulance is on its way.

Now listen, they've told us to make you as comfortable as possible.

So I'm going to take you through to my bedroom. All right? Tina.

You're going to be all right. OK? I promise.

Like your promises are worth...

Aargh!

Yeah! 2-0!

Right. Say "loser"!

Loser!

Hey, Bernie, what have you done with your hat?

What hat?

The pointy, orange one.

-Here, boys, get that down the old Gregory.

-Cheers...

SCREAMING FROM OTHER ROOM

-Shirley's got it under control.

-Shirley? As in Shirley?

Shirley as in Shirley.

All the towels are in the wash. Where's the spare ones?

-Thought you was going to call an ambulance?

-It's on its way.

Go and get some tea towels out of the kitchen.

Look, you've done this before...

She don't want a geezer up there piping at her, she wants a nice friendly face.

That's what she needs. Go on.

Wish I'd stayed in Manchester.

Manchester? Hey, The Five Hectors played there once, man.

Rough crowd. And the place was as cold as a morgue.

-I couldn't wait to get back to civilisation.

-Ooh, careful.

-MANCHESTER ACCENT:

-Eh, what are you talking about, eh? Mad for it, y'know.

Mad for it. Yeah. He's got it. He's got it.

What's going on here?

What, have we got public lav written on the outside?

Well, it's been like Piccadilly Circus in there.

Well, I made sure I had my daily constitutional before I left my house.

Good.

You logged in as me and did a whole story of stupid photos!

-They're not that stupid.

-They're hardly flattering.

-I was just having some fun.

-At my expense, as usual.

She's... She's just got the wrong idea.

Doubt it.

Georgi? The ambulance. It might not get here on time...

-It has to. I have to get to hospital.

-The baby ain't waiting.

Well, then tell them it's an emergency!

It's all right, they're going to talk us through everything, OK?

Now, I'm going to get you ready and have a little look, see where...

Get your hands off me!

-Where are you going?

-Well, I don't think it's very hygienic me dripping blood everywhere, do you?

-You can't leave me with her!

-No, she's right.

-You've seen Call The Midwife.

I've seen Apollo 13, it don't mean I can fly to the moon.

-Just do what they tell you.

-Aargh!

Let's have my phone.

I wasn't laughing at you, all right? I was just trying to help.

Put you out there and get you some mates.

I can find my own mates.

-What, through a stupid chess club?

-It's not stupid.

Come on, it's a bit embarrassing.

So, that's what this is about? You're embarrassed of me!

I'm not cool enough for you.

This wasn't even my idea!

Mum gave it to me.

Mum paid you to hang out with me?

Look, have it.

-Keep it. You earned it!

-I'd have done it for nothing.

Whatever.

Look, Mum's wrong, OK? You shouldn't change.

-You've just got your own thing going on.

-You mean I'm a freak.

No, I mean, trying to fit in is the easy option and...

..maybe you've got it right.

Like, you are who you are and if people don't like it,

it's their loss, innit, cos...

Well, cos...

..you're all right, innit.

I'm starving.

-Please get us that ambulance.

-I can feel it, I want to push!

She says she wants to push.

No, they said don't push. Not yet.

I can't help it!

Don't! I know it's hard, but I need to look first.

I don't want your booze breath all over it.

-You ain't got much choice.

-Nah, don't touch me.

I just need to see what's happening with the baby, all right?

I don't even want it. Just get it out and take it away.

You are going to love this baby.

All right? OK? All right.

Now, we're going to do this, all right?

We're going to do it together. OK.

Don't you worry. It's going to be all right.

OK? Now, lift your leg up.

That's it. Good girl.

OK. All right.

OK, all right.

Well done. OK.

I can see the top of the head.

Yeah, OK.

All right, so... Listen, you are fully dilated so if you want to push, you can now, all right?

What about the ambulance?

You're stuck with me and my booze breath.

Are you ready? All right, hold on to me. That's it.

Come on. Come on! You can do it.

Beware pregnant women with a good right hook.

Not the only thing that's been going on.

Takings are up, new boats in the bar, dossers in the alleyway.

-I wonder why?

-I was going to tell you.

Oh, yeah, when? Before or after we got raided?

There's been this bloke coming in over the last couple of days.

Every time I turf him out, once my back's turned, he's back in again.

Why is it every time I go away, this place goes west?

Eh?

Mick.

Don't go wading in there with your size 12s.

He's not the only one, is he? He said something about a boss.

-Oh, yeah who's that?

-Well, I don't know, do I?

But he's not going to be small fry.

We're definitely getting there.

-We?

-You. You...

It's all you. Yeah, and you're doing amazing.

Save your strength, all right, you're going to need it.

SHE SCREAMS

OK, all right.

Come on! Push! That's it.

The head is almost out.

You've got this, Georgi! That's it, come on.

Can I help you, mate?

-Where's my cut?

-Uh?

Well, this is my boozer, innit?

And we're all businessmen, ain't we, so...

Don't know what you're talking about.

I'm talking about you, the monkey!

I want a sit down with the organ grinder.

A "sit down".

You've been watching too much Sopranos.

I've been round East End boozers

since before you was a twitch in your old man's trousers.

I've seen more bugle than the Coldstream Guard.

Seriously? Well, you must've known the Snowman, then?

He was a total ledge.

Yeah, yeah. The Snowman. Legend.

Terrible what happened.

Was terrible, yeah...

All that heat on him.

Not surprising he melted.

Who are you working for? Eh?

Calm down, Grandad.

You'll have an heart attack.

Come here, all right. Get out.

Go on. And don't come back.

-Cos I'll stick it right on you!

-Like that'll happen.

-You ain't got a clue, bruv.

-Get out there.

GEORGI SCREAMS

The head is out. The head's out.

You're doing so good, Georgi!

I can't! I'm done.

I haven't got anything left.

I want my mum...

You are the mum now.

All right? And your baby has got the most beautiful head of hair.

And the cutest, tiniest little nose.

You can see when it's out, all right?

But only you can make this happen.

And you can make it happen, Georgi, I know you can.

All right? OK? Are you ready to push again?

Yeah, all right.

-Budge up, budge up.

-Yeah, I've got this, all right. Just keep her calm.

Come on, Georgi, that's it. Come on. You're doing it, all right!

-Push, push, push!

-You're going to be so proud.

Whit, it's only me.

I just wondered if you fancied a coffee or something?

Martin and Kush have got the kids so, yeah, call me back.

Cheers, Marie.

Er, don't look now, OK...

-What?

-I said don't look now!

You certainly haven't lost your touch, have ya?

-I think we're going to leave you to crack on.

-Whoa, whoa.

Where do you think you're going?

Well, it ain't me she's interested in, is it?

-Sexy beast, you sexy beast.

-You are not leaving me with her.

-Kush? Kush!

-OK...

DOOR CLOSES

Age.

Time was I could have five pints and never break the seal.

Nowadays I might as well pour it straight through.

Yeah.

Gets us all, Ted.

Gets us all.

-You are such a wimp, you know that?

-Shut up...

-You are.

Well, if you ain't interested, then you should tell her.

Let her down gently then.

Do you know what, mate? Could you watch Hope for me?

Cos I've got to shoot home. I just forgot her little hat.

Oh, did you? No, it's too late, it's too late. She's coming...

You can't dump that there!

Says who? This your caff, is it?

-Thought not!

-Do you know what? I'll get them.

-Don't worry.

-Ain't you lovely?

Ain't all melts round here.

Ah, she's a doll? What's her name?

-Hope.

-I'm Hayley.

Yeah, I've got a three-year-old.

With his dad this week though.

You're single, then?

Well, he ain't.

-Well...

-He is.

-Really?

-It's complicated.

It's lovely to see you again...

..Hayley.

I've just got to shoot off, cos the stall...

No, no, no. I'll cover for you.

-Well...

-No, no, don't thank me.

No. Come on. Shall we leave him to it?

-Thanks, mate.

-No worries.

-Bye.

-Bye, mate.

Good boy.

All right?

Want a chip?

Aargh!

-It shouldn't hurt this much.

-I know, it does.

They say you forget about the pain, but I still remember it.

-Yeah, but, you know, it's worth it, though, innit?

-Oh, yeah.

You're going to be a great mum. That's it.

Come on. It's almost...

SCREAMING STOPS

Tina?

What? What's happened?

-BABY CRIES

-You've had a baby, that's what.

And he is amazing.

-He?

-Yeah, the size of his...

It's definitely a boy!

Say hello to Mama.

That sounds like a healthy cry.

I hope so.

Let's take a look.

You've done brilliantly.

I'm going to make that my profile.

You know what, I'll do the same.

Right, put her straight, yeah?

Tell her that I weren't being nasty to you.

Forget it.

You're much better than him.

-Let me talk to her.

-No, just...

-If she knew you like I do.

-Yeah, but you don't know me, do ya?

-But come on, Keegan.

-You haven't got a clue about nothing.

No wonder you ain't got no mates.

-I just delivered a baby!

-Well done, Teen.

That is not the way.

It is the way. It's the only way, Mother. Believe you me.

We do not know what type of psycho we are dealing with.

I don't care. We've crawled over glass to keep this gaff.

Nobody's going to ruin it.

They want to make one with me? Let's have it.

He's been a star. Ain't you, mate? Been a star.

-Did you have fun?

-Yeah, we fed the ducks, didn't we?

-More!

-And then our own faces.

-More!

Yeah, no, you can't have any more cos we had chicken nuggets

and chips, didn't we? All in there.

I thought you was going with Martin?

Yeah, we did. He's still in the caff.

Well, I might go over there, cos I've got cabin fever in here.

No, maybe just leave him to it, yeah?

Why? Has he been bad mouthing me?

No, of course not. He's just...

He's talking to someone.

-Oh, right.

-It's nothing serious.

And she's probably not even his type anyway.

No, no, it's good. Good.

I'm glad he's moving on.

Yeah, you can't just turn it off, though, can you?

I mean, you're bound to miss him.

I mean, course you do.

He's like an old pair of slippers.

No, if he's happy, then I'm happy.

We'll get you both checked out at the hospital.

-Where have you been?

-The market.

For now, all right?

I'm going to get everything else you need later.

You don't have to.

I want to. And we'll get that bedsit

looking like a proper little home for him, yeah?

Me and Zsa bought matching ones from this market in Spain.

Could you two just give us a minute?

Yeah, I'll come see you later.

I'm really proud of you.

Why? I've been a complete cow.

I said some really horrible things to you.

You know I don't mean 'em, don't you?

Yeah, you did.

And I meant what I said as well.

Seriously?

When responsibility comes along, you run in the other direction.

-You always have.

-I know.

But you stepped up today.

Just like you did with Mum.

And that's what I don't understand,

because you've got it in you.

I'm sorry.

Don't apologise.

Just...

..stop running.

I ain't going nowhere.

Come here.

Now my eldest, Bex, doing her A Levels.

Blimey, you started young.

I didn't bother with exams.

I ain't thick or nothing.

No, I didn't think you were.

Teacher said I had potential.

Didn't say what kind.

So what do you do, then?

-Fashion.

-Really?

Oh, yeah, New York, Milan, Commercial Road.

I'm on the phones, in the offices.

Know every wholesaler in the East End.

So, you are from round here, then?

Oh, yeah, Bow Bells was the first thing I heard. You?

Yeah, yeah, I was born here. And I'll probably die here.

My Uncle Pete, he had the stall before me.

Yeah, I bet you've got all the patter. "Get your melons."

Yeah, you've got a lovely pear.

Well, thank you. Two veg for your meat, sir?

Look...

Why don't you take my number, and give me a ring?

We could go for a drink tomorrow?

Tomorrow...football. Footie.

Next week?

You know, the thing is, you know, what with all the kids and that,

I just don't really have much spare time.

Well, if you find time.

-Martin!

-Huh?

You were supposed to be back ages ago.

Yeah, sorry, yeah...

Look, you know, like, that wasn't what it looked like.

I don't care. Do what you like. Have you even changed the baby?

Yeah, I'm going to go and sort that right now. Come on, you.

-Take a picture if you like.

-Excuse me?

Do you want a chip? They're proper dry.

Bit like yourself.

Who the hell do you think you are?

SHE WHISPERS INAUDIBLY

Hey, Zsa Zsa. It's Mum.

Why am I thinking you've gone a bit OCD?

I want that khazi checked every 15 minutes.

I'm going to get Jekyll cameras in there and all.

Don't, Mick...