02/03/2018 EastEnders


02/03/2018

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BABY CRIES

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BABY CRIES

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Hi...

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-Where is my scratchcard?

-In there...

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Why do you keep putting my things in your bag?

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I've got my bag. You've got your bag.

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Ah... Very good.

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At least you're honest.

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Er...

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I don't know...

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-You all right?

-Yeah, I thought he'd be six feet under by now.

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Tomorrow.

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Not till I've redressed the body.

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His sister wants him buried in navy blue.

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II can give you a hand if, if you need...

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Well, I thought they creeped you out?

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Face your fears an' all that.

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Well, thank you, mate, but you're doing enough.

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Lovely, my office next, then, yeah?

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How have you got 9,500 followers?

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I give the people what they want.

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And it's 10,000, actually.

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Looks like you're losing touch.

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-CLEARS THROAT:

-Right...

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You really think a selfie in here's going to break the internet?

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Our pretty faces will be viral by tea-time.

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Only one thing that's viral round here, love.

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Right, we need to take another one. Lighting was bad.

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Tiff, you're blocking the door.

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All right, Kath, don't give yourself a prolapse.

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They say the apple never falls far from the tree.

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What, do you need some apples, or something?

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No, I meant you're just like your mother.

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Oh, I know, right.

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Don't act like you're bothered.

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Who's bothered?

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-You're out of order.

-What did I do?

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-I don't think it's my place to say, is it, Munter?

-Hunter.

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Whatevs. Come on, then, why's she got the hump with him?

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Why are you so bothered?

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I've got a gift when it comes to playing Cupid.

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I got my mum and dad remarried, didn't I?

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-Remind me how that's going again.

-Whit and Halfway.

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-Down to me.

-Oh, yeah.

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I just know when people are destined to be together.

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And Lou and Munter - they're next.

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I just need the full story.

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Uh-hmm... OK...

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..enough about you, Dee, yeah?

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Um...

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..I've got something that I want to tell you.

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Can we meet in the caff? Like, in an hour?

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Well, it's something that I want to tell you in person.

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Ground control to Linda Carter...

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Sorry.

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Sorry, I was miles away...

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That punter over there.

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He's ordered a pint and he's hardly taken a sip.

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-And?

-Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

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He's done it to blend in.

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He's got to keep his wits about him.

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I reckon he's plain clothes, waiting for Dr DibDab to start

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selling his gear.

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-Just looks like just another punter to me.

-D'ya think someone's tipped them off?

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Well, if they have, it's about time.

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What, d'ya think one of the regulars would have stuck their neck out?

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There's no shortage of busybodies round here.

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-Probably Carmel, she was only in here yesterday.

-You think?

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Yeah. I do. And d'ya know what?

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If she has, I'd shake her by the hand and give her a drink on the house.

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Linda, snitches get what's coming to them.

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What makes you the expert?

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I just pray...that nobody finds out about this.

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For all our sakes.

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I mainly have anniversary and birthday cards, you know...

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Well, I've got this, "Congrats, you've passed your exams"?

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It's a bit late for that... I'll just take this one.

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Yeah...and...

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..what about...

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..deepest sympathy? Have you got any of those knocking about?

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Oh, no. Has something happened?

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Not yet.

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Well, I must get some commemoration cards, y'know.

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It's pretty sensible, Kim, living round here.

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-You never know what's going to happen.

-Yeah...

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No, no, no,...

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Yes, listen, at Coker & Sons

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we offer a platinum service to all our customers,

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absolutely...

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Penny for your thoughts...

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Doubt they're worth that much.

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Well, you can't be thinking about me, then, can you?

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SHE CHUCKLES

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It's this terrible smell.

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I just cannot seem to shift it.

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-Know what I mean?

-Spiced rum and coke, and a pint for my mate...

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When you're ready, Grandad.

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And stick it on a tab, yeah?

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Can I get you a refill?

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No, ta.

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Oh, to be young

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and rich enough to spend 90 quid on a gram of rat poison, eh?

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It's a good job you never.

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-Can't even handle your beer...

-Why are you so chipper today?

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Actually...

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Any chance of a bite to eat?

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We're not doing food.

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Oh, some pork scratchings will have to do, then. And my usual.

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Don't forget the water this time, please.

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Sorry, um, you were going to say something, baby...

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It can wait...

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HE SIGHS

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Sorry about this, mate.

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All right? Nice...

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You could have got the drinks in, couldn't ya.

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Sorry. Pearl, do you need to go to the toilet?

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-Everything OK?

-Yeah, just...

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Give me two minutes.

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Yeah. Come on, now...

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-Potty training...

-I want Daddy...

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Yeah, Daddy's going to come, yeah... Just come on... Let's go this way...

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That's my niece for ya... Can I get two teas, then, please, Kathy?

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Yeah, coming up...

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Now, what are you doin' interfering with a dead body? That's someone's grandad in there!

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It's not what it looks like... Get out of my way.

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You ain't leaving here till I get an explanation.

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Aidan.

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If he finds I ain't buried that, I'll be in the ground with it.

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I don't want Aidan anywhere near this place.

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-Do you hear me?

-Understood...

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What is it?

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Aidan ain't a man you want to mess with, you know?

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Don't you think I know that?

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So you tell him the job's done, you steer clear from him

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-and I'll sort it out for ya.

-And why would you do that?

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Do you want my help or not?

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Y'know, I like this seat.

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You should consider putting up a reserved sign here.

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You don't intimidate me.

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I'll have to try harder, then, won't I?

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Where are you going?

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You all right? Something seem a bit off to you?

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I dunno what you mean...

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-POLICE!

-STAY WHERE YOU ARE!

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SIT DOWN, HANDS ON THE BAR.

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Who's the guv'nor here?

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DI Ross, CID.

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We've got a warrant to search the premises.

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Could've given me the heads up, mate.

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I'm arresting you on suspicion of supplying cocaine, a class A drug.

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You do not have to say anything, but if you do not mention,

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when questioned, something which you later rely on in court...

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Anything you do say, may be given in evidence.

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Do you understand?

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-I understand.

-I want this lot searched.

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And use the toilets.

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Take them outside...

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SIRENS WAIL

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Wasn't too bad... Sit down over there, please...

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'Ere, there's something going on over at the Vic.

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"Oh, is there, Kathy? That's nice."

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-Where's Denise?

-Dunno, she just left...

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Get off me... Don't touch me... Don't touch me... Get off...

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Aidan's going to want answers.

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It's no less then he deserves.

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L, please tell me it wasn't you.

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He was holding our child, Mick. In our own home.

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What was I supposed to do?

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Anyway, it's over now, that's all that matters, innit?

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We're taking them down the station.

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May have to come back and take a statement off you later.

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-And that's it?

-That's it.

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I'll be seeing you. Right?!

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SIRENS WAIL

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DOOR RATTLES

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Dee? Dee, come on, man, it's cold out here, y'know!

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"I'm sorry we're not sisters, but I still love ya."

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You-You really, you think that was the best way telling me, do ya?

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Listen, look, you've got the wrong end of the stick.

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Look, two cards for two different outcomes...

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I just found the letter today, man.

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Look, I haven't even had a chance to open it, look...

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Come on, man...

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Can you please let us in?

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Your niece is out here...

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BANGS DOOR

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Oh, hello, Pearl.

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Go and look what's in there.

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-You...

-Me?

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You've-You've got a real knack for, like...

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..overcomplicating things, d'ya know that?

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Well, I would say it's a family trait, but you know what,

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I don't want to jinx it.

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Listen, whatever happens, yeah...

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..we can just get drunk.

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-You know what?

-What?

-I'd rather not, actually...

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What are you saying?

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I'm saying...

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..that whatever's in that letter...

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I don't want to know.

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OK?

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So, you said sorry yet?

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To Lou.

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She don't deserve to get mugged off. Y'know her mum's in the nut house?

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-Have a bit of sensitivity, yeah?

-What you talking about?

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I'm just trying to help you out.

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This whole dating thing can be quite confusing for us girls.

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Like, I thought I was dating Craig Young in the year above,

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but turns out I was just holding his coat while he necked on with Vicky Edkinson.

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So, lesson learned - don't hold the coat.

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Look, I know that you're trying to pull off this whole

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silent, sexy thing but it just ain't fair on Lou.

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-So if you do like her, then...

-I don't.

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Brutal. I like it.

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It will probably make it easier, to be fair.

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Y'know, when you tell her. She'll hate you,

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but that just means she'll probably get over you quicker.

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Cruel to be kind.

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You really love the sound of your own voice, don't ya?

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It's 2018, mistreating women... we don't stand for it no more.

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All right?!

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So you either man up and apologise, or face the consequences.

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So, how long ago did we take that test?

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Ages, right?

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-So?

-So, has anything changed between us?

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Well, you're getting more uptight.

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And you're getting more on my wick.

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Sounds like sisters to me.

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I don't need some silly bit of paper to convince ME that we're related.

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OK.

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OK.

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So...

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..I vote that we put this away and pretend that we never even saw it.

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Sure.

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Right, I'll get the champagne flutes, then.

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There's no point that stuff going to waste, is there?

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Munter over here said he ain't interested.

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I think he's playing you, Lou. Hashtag TheMunterGames.

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I really don't know what you're talking about.

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Are you going to stand for this?

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Stand for what? And why are you filming me?

0:14:350:14:37

Right, so you DO like her, then?

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Or are you just toying around with her

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like some little Christian Grey with your little school tie?

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If he asks you to go to his red room, don't go.

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What, are you calling her a minger now?

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Cos she's got self-confidence issues, ain't that right, Lou?

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I'll give YOU an issue in a minute.

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She was burnt in a fire and now you're giving her grief, like,

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"Oh, I ain't interested,"

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like she's some sort of Freddy Kruger or summit?

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-Tiff, that's enough!

-What, I'm just helping clear the air!

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There's nothing to clear!

0:15:030:15:04

You want to become a YouTube star,

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go sleep with a footballer or something.

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But you leave ME out of it.

0:15:170:15:19

-Result!

-Really? Cos that was the worst matchmaking I've ever seen.

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People love a, y'know, "will they or won't they"...

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She said not to post anything.

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And mentioning about the fire, that was out of order.

0:15:300:15:33

Yeah, I told yer, I'll change the names.

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I tried calling you earlier.

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I dropped my phone down the toilet last night, didn't I?

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They say a bag of rice is good for that.

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That favour.

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All dead and buried?

0:16:000:16:02

Yeah, it's gone.

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You'd better hope it is. Did you look?

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In the box?

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Course not...

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You're a rubbish liar, kid.

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Nothing gets past me.

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You'd do well to remember that.

0:16:160:16:18

So what do we do now, plan W?

0:16:270:16:30

Not really a time for jokes, Mother.

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I'm not joking. We said no police.

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-He don't even know it was us.

-Well, does it matter?

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Cos he's going to think it is, now, thanks to you.

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Oh, you knew and all, did you?

0:16:390:16:41

Well, I'm sorry I couldn't stop this ball rolling.

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So I was the only one who didn't know this gaff

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was going to get raided.

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He's going to know it was someone in here that grassed.

0:16:470:16:49

Yeah? And so what? Right, because someone had to.

0:16:490:16:51

After everything we've been through...

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-Do you think he'll care about that?

-I'm protecting us!

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-You should try the same.

-Protecting us? Give me a break.

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Pipe down! Pipe down, will ya, you're doing me swede in.

0:16:580:17:00

-But, Mick...

-Just shut up a minute! Just...

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All right? Just shut up.

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Here's what we're going to do.

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He's going to know it was one of us.

0:17:070:17:09

I know you meant well.

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But we've got ourselves in a bit of a situation.

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We've got to think about the consequences.

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-So I'm going to wear it.

-Mick, you can't...

-No.

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No. This is my mess.

0:17:200:17:21

PHONE BEEPS

0:17:250:17:26

Oh! Carmel.

0:17:280:17:30

Vic's been raided.

0:17:320:17:34

Great.

0:17:340:17:35

SHE SIGHS Kim...

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I still don't get why she lied.

0:17:400:17:42

Whether it's for our entire childhood, or just that day,

0:17:420:17:45

Mum lied to us.

0:17:450:17:47

Well, who knows what goes on inside that woman's head?

0:17:500:17:53

Why are you even defending her?

0:17:530:17:55

-Don't you think what she did was cruel?

-Of course I do.

0:17:550:17:58

But like I said before,

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why let our entire relationship be dictated by a bit of paper?

0:18:000:18:06

SHE CHUCKLES

0:18:090:18:11

You, you know that this is what she'd have wanted, right?

0:18:110:18:14

For us to just turn on each other.

0:18:140:18:15

-But why?!

-Because she's jealous, Kim!

0:18:150:18:18

Because she's jealous of how close we are.

0:18:180:18:21

Now, whether it's true or not,

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by opening that, we just play right into her little game.

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And I ain't doing that again.

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Not this time.

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But you might have a whole different family out there.

0:18:310:18:34

Doesn't that bother you?

0:18:350:18:36

You are my family, Kim.

0:18:400:18:42

You, and Pearl, and Patrick...

0:18:430:18:46

..and Chelsea and Libby, when they feel like dropping in.

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And we might not be all conventional,

0:18:490:18:51

and all related by blood...

0:18:510:18:54

..but we're there for each other, you know?

0:18:540:18:56

When we need to be.

0:18:560:18:58

And when it comes down to it,

0:18:580:18:59

that is all that matters.

0:18:590:19:01

She was always jealous, wasn't she?

0:19:060:19:08

You know what?

0:19:100:19:11

Let's destroy this.

0:19:130:19:14

Yeah.

0:19:160:19:18

You tell him it was you,

0:19:180:19:19

and he'll kill ya.

0:19:190:19:21

Maybe I can appeal to his better nature.

0:19:210:19:23

Ah, whiskey and a drop of water Michael, if you please.

0:19:250:19:27

I'd come to the bar, except my leg is giving me gyp.

0:19:290:19:32

You don't have to do this, Mick, tell him it was me...

0:19:320:19:34

Oh, leave off, you're having a bubble, ain't ya?

0:19:340:19:37

Ah, perfect.

0:19:440:19:45

And while you're here, how about an explanation?

0:19:460:19:49

Sit down.

0:19:500:19:51

A phone call to the police from inside these four walls, Michael.

0:19:550:20:00

The whole day,

0:20:030:20:05

it was a bit of a mess.

0:20:050:20:06

We're going to make it work, you know?

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We're going to make it work for everybody.

0:20:100:20:12

Give me a name.

0:20:130:20:14

Me.

0:20:170:20:18

I rang the old bill.

0:20:190:20:20

Outside. Now.

0:20:220:20:23

He's lying.

0:20:230:20:25

It was me that called the old bill.

0:20:250:20:27

Mother, what are you doing?

0:20:270:20:28

Confessing my sins, like the good catholic I am.

0:20:280:20:31

-HE CHUCKLES MIRTHLESSLY

-Oh, I'm Spartacus!

0:20:310:20:33

-Enough of these games.

-You know the boy can't take you on.

0:20:330:20:37

-Oh, and you can?

-Yeah.

0:20:370:20:38

HE LAUGHS

0:20:390:20:40

Come on...

0:20:400:20:42

Officer Kathleen Montrose.

0:20:420:20:43

That was her name.

0:20:440:20:45

The woman I spoke to on the phone last night.

0:20:450:20:47

She didn't sound more than 30, and she weren't from round here,

0:20:470:20:50

-she was northern...

-Linda!

-No, Mick.

0:20:500:20:52

It was me.

0:20:520:20:53

All right? And I'd do it again.

0:20:530:20:55

Every time you show your face in here,

0:20:550:20:56

I'll be straight on that phone, do you hear me?

0:20:560:20:58

You can't do this, right, you can't terrorise us in our own home.

0:20:580:21:01

Knew I'd use this for something other than

0:21:050:21:08

shredding my bank statements.

0:21:080:21:10

That's organised of you.

0:21:100:21:11

Oh, no, I don't read them. Don't open them.

0:21:110:21:13

Just shred them...

0:21:130:21:14

Yeah. How foolish of me. Right.

0:21:140:21:16

Right...you ready?

0:21:190:21:22

-Yeah.

-Yeah. OK.

0:21:240:21:26

Oh, hold on a minute.

0:21:260:21:27

GLOOMY TECHNO LOOP

0:21:270:21:29

Thought I'd play this to just lighten the mood. Can we...

0:21:290:21:31

Can we just, sort of... just get on with it, shall we?

0:21:310:21:34

Switch it off?

0:21:340:21:35

MUSIC STOPS OK.

0:21:370:21:38

MACHINE WHIRS Sorry...

0:21:450:21:47

Sorry, sorry....

0:21:470:21:49

Spasm... My arm...

0:21:490:21:50

SHE SIGHS

0:21:550:21:57

KNOCKING AT DOOR

0:21:570:21:58

Do you know, my heart can't take this!

0:21:590:22:01

-Oh!

-Hiya!

0:22:100:22:11

Funny, we were just talking about you earlier.

0:22:140:22:17

Mm! I thought my ears were burning.

0:22:170:22:19

-Yeah.

-All good things, I hope.

0:22:190:22:21

Yes! Yes! Absolutely.

0:22:210:22:24

-Absolutely. Ain't that right, Kim?

-Ah, Kim.

0:22:240:22:26

Yeah...

0:22:260:22:27

Look, er...

0:22:340:22:35

Kim found the DNA results.

0:22:350:22:38

The ones that...say whether or not we're really sisters.

0:22:380:22:40

I see. And?

0:22:420:22:43

And...we've decided not to open them.

0:22:440:22:46

And as I've explained to my sister, earlier...

0:22:460:22:49

..we're still family!

0:22:500:22:51

All of us.

0:22:520:22:53

-Damn right, too.

-Yeah! HE CHUCKLES

0:22:530:22:56

Kim?

0:22:580:22:59

You didn't!

0:23:080:23:09

Well?

0:23:130:23:14

Just tell me!

0:23:160:23:18

Oh.

0:23:250:23:26

Oh, so...

0:23:290:23:30

OK.

0:23:300:23:32

Right.

0:23:350:23:36

Well, it's like we said, you know, innit?

0:23:390:23:42

We're still sisters.

0:23:450:23:46

SHE STARTS TO GIGGLE

0:23:500:23:52

I was kidding.

0:23:540:23:55

We're sisters!

0:23:550:23:56

You what?!

0:23:560:23:58

Look, I just wanted to see how much you cared.

0:23:580:24:00

Kim!

0:24:000:24:01

-Look!

-Oh!

0:24:020:24:03

GIGGLING

0:24:030:24:05

Oh, you...! Come here!

0:24:050:24:07

Hold on, hold on...

0:24:070:24:08

MUSIC STARTS AGAIN

0:24:080:24:09

CHEERING AND LAUGHING

0:24:090:24:10

I never doubted it for a minute.

0:24:170:24:18

Behind every great man, eh?

0:24:200:24:22

Well, now you know what it's like when you let your dog off the lead.

0:24:230:24:26

What did you say?

0:24:260:24:28

I bet that pretty face of yours has got you out of trouble in the past.

0:24:280:24:31

Shame to see it messed up.

0:24:320:24:33

You don't talk to her like that.

0:24:330:24:35

Oh!

0:24:350:24:36

Backbone, eh?

0:24:360:24:37

You heard what she said.

0:24:370:24:39

This is our home.

0:24:400:24:41

You ain't welcome.

0:24:410:24:42

You owe me.

0:24:430:24:45

We owe you sweet FA.

0:24:450:24:47

This is business.

0:24:470:24:48

This ain't business.

0:24:480:24:50

This is about you filling in your time

0:24:500:24:52

cos you ain't got nothing better to do, or anyone to do it with.

0:24:520:24:55

So the next time one of your boys comes in here,

0:24:550:24:58

I will personally iron him out.

0:24:580:25:00

Do you hear me?

0:25:000:25:02

Loud and clear, son.

0:25:030:25:04

If you've got anything else to add?

0:25:050:25:07

No.

0:25:090:25:10

I think I'll leave that to the missus. L?

0:25:100:25:12

Get out of my pub.

0:25:160:25:17

Oh, what a shame.

0:25:200:25:22

And there I was thinking there was some hope for you.

0:25:230:25:25

But...you lie to me.

0:25:270:25:30

You steal from me.

0:25:320:25:33

Now you grass on me.

0:25:340:25:36

I call that three strikes.

0:25:360:25:39

Now, I'll let you think about this.

0:25:410:25:43

Next week, your time is up.

0:25:440:25:46

But when I return,

0:25:460:25:47

I want a drink on that counter with every bit of money you owe me.

0:25:470:25:50

And a very public apology.

0:25:520:25:54

Over my dead body.

0:25:570:25:58

That may well be the case, Michael.

0:25:580:26:01

Every penny.

0:26:010:26:02

Or you are a dead man.

0:26:020:26:05

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