05/03/2018 EastEnders

And that big wolf came bowling over, and he was giving it right large.

Cos he was a big, hairy melt.

-What was he?

-Hairy melt!

He was a big melt.

-And do you know what he said to that poor piggy?

-Yeah.

What did he say? He said, "I'm going to huff and I'm going to puff

"and I'm going to blow your gaff down."

Yeah, you and whose army, eh?

How does the little piggy get rid of the big bad wolf?

Well, it would help if he knew

when he was going to show up and have a go.

I'll tell you what we're going to do, boy.

We're going to let Auntie Tina finish the story.

When's he coming, Mick?

You will help her with the long words, though, won't you? Good boy.

I've always wanted to know how this ends.

The pink 'uns, L.

Always the pink.

It's been like old times, ain't it? No dealers.

No drugs.

No Aidan.

Just our pub, the way it used to be.

Yeah, like it still is. Like it always will be.

He's all talk.

Until he decides to show up again.

DOOR THUMPS

Cheers, Dad!

Is this it?

-Well, it ain't your birthday, is it?

-I'm happy to share!

-Get off!

-Now don't be so ungrateful, you!

You done good, Dad. For once.

-He did indeed.

-So, what's Ben been up to?

-Not much.

-So, is he planning on staying out there?

-Dunno, dunno.

It's up to him.

Lou, your dad seems a bit tired. Take this lot upstairs, yeah?

-Give him some space and you can use me perfume.

-Deal.

Well, you caught us on the hop.

So, how's Ben doing, really?

What's happening at my club?

And how comes I didn't know anything about it?

It's just had a bit of a kicking, that's all.

No, I need you as soon as.

-All right, ta, mate. Thank you.

-You still think he's all talk?

-We don't know it was his little mob, do we?

-This is harassment,

-criminal damage. We've got evidence.

-It's hardly evidence.

They're not going to send out CSI for a broken door, are they?

We're going to have to turn this place into Fort Knox.

-Look, I didn't want to tell you over the phone.

-Why not?

Well, I knew how worried you were about Ben, and...

All right, well, I knew this would happen.

You'd talk me out of it. Tell me it weren't worth the hassle.

That's right!

Look, Phil, it drove you mad rattling round this place

when you came out of hospital, didn't it?

You know, you think I don't want to get out there and do something?

-There's no appetite for a club.

-We'll see.

-E20? Is that some sort of joke?!

-No, no.

-That was her son's idea, it...

-Whose son?

Mel.

I can't have heard you right.

You did.

-You and her? Working together?

-No.

She's working for me. I'm the boss. She's working for both of us.

-Good. I can go and sack her, then, can't I?

-No.

Oh, come on, Phil.

It's a win-win situation.

She does all the hard graft, we get all the profits.

You going to share the perfume as well?

We're never going to be best mates. But she does know how to run a club.

-Where are you going?

-Guess.

He'll huff and he'll puff...

Don't start, Teen.

-Morning, Ted.

-Morning.

Oh, dear. This is for you.

-Who from?

-Courtesy of Karen.

You might want to check for unmentionables.

She's not exactly thorough.

Well, it's only tea towels and stuff, it's not going to bite.

Much obliged.

-Nasty, that.

-Yeah, it's just kids.

Oh, nothing new, then?

I could fix that for you, if you like?

I'll be on the blower if I need you, Ted.

Well, Joyce reckons I'm a dab hand at DIY.

Yeah, cos she's always telling you to "do it yourself", ain't she, Ted?

Oh!

That'll come in handy.

I want to phone the police.

You've got 'em on speed dial. No.

Look, when I went out there earlier, there were a bunch of kids

hanging about, but they were too young to be Aidan's minions.

You want to keep an eye on her, Mick.

Any more police and we'll all be killed.

Assuming we're not dead already.

I'm going for a nice, long soak...

..while you wait to apologise to a psycho.

They set a trap for him, the wolf.

Just saying.

It's cheaper and it sounds exotic.

It sounds cheaper.

Didn't take you long, did it, Billy?

I'm working.

It's a temporary situation.

Yeah, and so's the club.

Excuse me? I've got a business contract to run.

Not any more you don't.

I'm guessing that you haven't had any joy from Ben?

And that's why you're so angry. You want to watch that, Phil.

It's not good for you.

That club ain't opening, so why don't you just pack your bags

-and go back to wherever it is you come from?

-Hm. Masterful.

I bet Sharon laps that up.

Me? Think it's a bit dated.

What's your game?

No game.

I want to make money, which will make you money and, let's face it,

I do owe you. I know that place inside out.

Once it's been refurbished,

funded by a business loan I've taken out, it'll rake it in.

Who'd give you a loan?

Do I look like I'm not good for it?

And don't go thinking that I've got some sugar daddy, either,

it's 2018. Oh!

And if your pal Maguire finds out that you've reopened the club,

won't he get suspicious and think you've come into some money?

Good luck convincing the old sod.

Shut the door on your way out.

Ten minutes, Billy!

I didn't have any choice. I ain't got the funeral parlour any more.

Jay's running that now.

Is he about? He's next on my list.

And I might get a bit more sense out of him.

A drug dealer, at his age? I mean, it's uncouth.

Pity.

He was dishy.

Men never fail to disappoint, do they?

-Come on, Martin.

-Well, I ain't hungry.

What, you got a problem with that?

-Why don't you give the police a ring?

-I'm sorry.

I've said I'm sorry, I made a mistake.

-I don't know what I was thinking.

-I don't know why you'd even do that.

-Because I was worried. That girl you was with...

-Hayley.

Yeah, she just seems a bit dodgy.

Stace, you know I would never put my kids in harm's way.

Anyway, you've got nothing to worry about with her.

I think your little "mistake" freaked her out.

I haven't heard anything from her since.

-Jay?

-All right?

-Yeah.

-How's the flatmate search going?

-Oh, don't. Donna's roped me into

an interview this afternoon, as if I ain't got enough on. Why?

It's just Mel's sofa's killing my back.

Well, listen, Bill,

it is a yes from me, but you'll have to work your charms on Donna.

-Yeah.

-Sorry, mate.

-All right, no worries.

Oh! Forgot to say, Phil's on the warpath, he's looking for ya.

Billy, you start with information like that, you don't end with it!

Sorry.

Say hello to Keanu for me, will you, please?

I don't think so, mate. You ain't welcome here.

Never usually stops me.

Well, I think it's a lovely idea.

Well, that's because you've got taste, Honey.

-Most of the time.

-All right, Hon?

-Billy.

But matching tattoos? I mean, come on, really, at our age?

You acting like you don't even care that we're real sisters.

-Like it ain't no big deal.

-But it isn't.

Can you imagine having this across your skin forever?

Well, it's a good job I'm not epileptic...

It's a constant reminder of our unbreakable bond.

It's private.

Yeah? The mucky ones are up top, they ain't moved. Don't be shy.

No, no, I wasn't... I swear...

-I think this is a lovely, lovely design.

-Thank you.

-I designed it myself.

-Did you? I like the bird...

-And, yeah...

-What? Bird? There's no bird.

It does look like a bit of a weird parrot.

Did Pearl draw this?

No tattoos.

Well, what else, then? Cos we gotta do something!

Can I stick something up? In your window.

A flyer for the club, you see.

It's opening soon.

Got myself a job there.

Kids all right?

Why wouldn't they be?

-No reason.

-Well, why don't you come over later?

-What?

-So we can have a talk.

That's unless you're busy.

I ain't busy. I ain't busy at all.

Then what am I paying you for? It's delivery time.

Sorry. No rest for the wicked, eh?

-Billy!

-Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.

-What time?

-I'll just give you a call.

-OK.

She said we're going to meet up later. That's good, innit?

Yep. Bit of luck, you'll be moving out soon.

You can sit here all day, if you like. You ain't getting served.

I suppose a full Irish is out of the question.

Fried slice, white pudding...

-Masood?

-Yeah?

-Can you get him out of here?

Er... Out.

I think your security needs beefing up.

-Out.

-Out, please.

You're going to have me face the day on an empty stomach?

-That's not very nice.

-No.

And neither's dealing drugs in my local boozer.

And I thought you and I could be, er, friends.

Unless you're spoken for?

Ah, a friendly face.

Have I skimped on the deodorant today or something?

The door is that way.

What are you doing hanging around with this?

I'm Assistant Manager.

Well, you are...something.

Coffee. Black.

She's not going to fertilise my daffodils, is she?

No, she's very particular about where she goes.

Want to get yourself a guard dog an' all. Aidan been back yet?

-No, not yet.

-He's psyching you out.

-Yeah.

And it's working.

What do you know about him?

-What are you looking for?

-I don't know.

Bit of leverage? Like an angle?

He's too long in the tooth to get his hands dirty.

Boy's above the dealers, they come out clean, pretty much all the time.

I never dealt with him in the old days.

-He weren't on my patch.

-Yeah.

That's what I thought you was going to say.

Come on then, girl. Let's leave Jack to his little milkshake.

Anything you can get. Anything.

Come on.

So, yeah, it's a nice big room. You know, big double bed.

For you, of course.

So you can stretch out.

What happened to the last occupant?

Bank robber, south of France.

What's the girl like? Are you and her...?

BANGING ON DOOR

Oh, no, no, no, we're, er...

She's really friendly, you know, but no.

BANGING CONTINUES

I want a word with you.

Now.

Are you interested, then?

Thanks for that.

Where's the money, Jay?

How well do you know him, then?

Who are we talking about now?

Aidan. Maguire, whatever he calls himself.

-Why are we talking about him?

-No reason.

-You just be careful, though, yeah?

-Thanks for your concern, Billy.

But can we draw a line under this conversation, forever?

Yeah, course. Boss.

Where's Mick gone?

He's walking Lady Di.

Her legs'll be worn down by now. What's he up to?

In the words of our dearly departed Greek God, "You gotta have faith."

How's he going to stop him?

# You gotta have faith, faith, faith... #

-Well, Linda...

-Yes, Kim?

..today is your lucky day.

The greatest night the Vic has seen

since Dot caught her tights on the karaoke machine.

I'm talking the works. Sausage rolls.

Mini-quiche. Barbecued chicken wings.

-All at a good price, though.

-A party?

And some decorations, yeah?

It ain't going to come cheap.

-And? Your point is?

-No point.

Go on, hit us with it.

A...

.."Congratulations, You Get to Be My Real Sister" party.

-Bam!

-Yeah!

-Very traditional.

-When were you thinking?

-And I want some decent music.

I'm talking proper tunes from back in the day, you get me?

-Yes, what night, Kim?

-# Dreams can come true

# Look at me, babe, I'm with you

# You know you've gotta have hope You know you gotta be strong.... #

OK, OK, yes, yes, what day?

I dunno. What, Thursday? Friday?

-I don't know if any are any good?

-Faith, Linda.

-I'll go and get the diary.

-Yes.

Look, I don't know anything. Will you listen to me?

Well, you knew that Ben had the money because he told me.

You also knew that he'd lost it.

So, what else you lying about? Jay, get a cleaner, will ya?

You think I robbed Ben, I can't even afford a cleaner?

Well, you think I believe everything Ben tells me? I mean,

-for all I know, you could be in it together.

-See, this is why

he couldn't wait to get away, Phil.

-Because of the love you shower people with.

-No, no, no.

No, he left because he stitched me up.

Look, I don't want anything to do with your stolen money,

or Ben, or you, and especially not that Maguire.

-What you even doing mixing with him anyway?

-Has he been here?

No. The funeral parlour. Oh...

..give him this. And tell him people who I get to do stuff work for me,

not some gangster. Now, close the door on the way out,

unless you want to help with the washing-up?

-All right, Mick?

-All right, Bill.

Ain't seen Aidan or his little mob knocking about, have ya?

-Don't talk to me about him.

-Why?

She don't want me to.

Does she know this geezer or what?

Well, it depends on what you mean by know.

-Don't let her out of your sight.

-Eh?

Sit.

What do you reckon? The blue or the grey?

I'll leave that to my Linda. She's got a good eye.

-Come to size up the competition?

-Not exactly, no.

What exactly, then?

I need your help.

I heard that you know Aidan Maguire.

-Vaguely.

-I want him off my back.

Maybe you shouldn't have let him on in the first place?

So, what's the apple, then?

You and him run us into the ground, then you nick our punters?

I'm not interested in your punters.

E20 is going to have its own distinct clientele.

-Clientele...

-And I'm nothing to do with him.

The blonde pit bull...

-What?

-Just something someone said to me once.

-So, what's his big plan?

-I honestly have no idea.

You do know if there's drugs in the Vic, they'll end up in here.

-We need to get rid of him.

-You seem to have the problem.

-I don't.

-If you're going to stick around, you need to pick a side.

I pick my side.

I don't like either colour.

You deaf? I said sit.

Blimey, that was quick.

Listen, Bill, if it came on top with Aidan...

..would you have my back?

-You know I would.

-Good man.

Come on, girl.

Mick!

PHONE RINGS

All right, you old villain?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

What time?

-Why?

-Yeah, yeah.

We'll discuss that later. OK.

Knock, knock?

Sorry, Mel. I told him you were busy.

-It's like Piccadilly Circus in here.

-You can leave now, William.

-No, he stays, Aidan.

-Oh.

So many questions for you, I barely know where to start.

How's the trap going?

What did the three pigs do?

Cauldron of boiling water under the chimney.

I could borrow Mum's cauldron. It's the best I got at the moment.

Walked, watered and a lovely little pony and all.

And what about Lady Di?

-You've perked up.

-I have faith in my husband.

I don't about you, but do you know what I need?

No more thinking about Aidan. No more shovel in the khazi.

Just my lovely boozer, my lovely wife, right now.

Right at this very minute. Yeah, come here.

SHE GIGGLES

Fancy.

All my own work off my own back, before you travel down that path.

HE LAUGHS

I know you didn't rob me.

You'd be rubbing my nose in it, if you did.

So, what did Michael want?

Drugs, Aidan? Really? Is that your style now?

A means to an end.

You know yourself, many a legitimate empire has been built on drugs.

Supply and demand dictate the market.

-Leave the Carters alone.

-What's it to you?

Nothing. But it cheapens you.

Yeah, and Mick's a good bloke. He don't deserve it.

-I thought I told you to leave?

-I asked him to stay.

So many women today have been asking me

to get out of their business but they don't have the backup.

Get out, Billy.

No.

BILLY CRIES OUT

And you better pray that I stay on the Carters

because, if for any reason they win through, you know exactly

where I'm going to set up shop next?

BOTH: Spoons!

-I do love a spoon.

-Me too.

It's the next best thing to a fork.

THEY LAUGH

PHONE RINGS

-Oh...

-Give us it here.

How's it hanging, Elaine?

Yeah, no, she's working behind the bar.

You know, she's gotta earn her keep, my darling, in't she, eh?

Yeah, whose anniversary? Trevor?

Oh, Trevor! Oh, with the leg? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you want us there.

I'll have to ask her, because, you know,

we're going to have to get last minute cover,

you know what them wretches are like. They want triple pay

and all that. Oh, all right, then. All right. Ta-ta.

Silly mare.

-You don't want to go, do you?

-No.

Might be an idea? Get away.

I'm staying right here.

He's a psycho!

Head forward.

Ow!

Billy, keep still.

Why would he do that, eh? Eh?

How am I supposed to go and see my kids looking like this?!

Put ice on it.

It weren't my fault, all right, she just ran away.

-What was wrong with her?

-Nothing.

She was brunette, beautiful. She even had a thing for washing-up.

-Well, then, how did you nause it up?

-Ask Phil.

-Phil?

He come storming in with his size nines, didn't he?

-I hope this ain't a ploy to get Billy in!

-I wish it was.

-She's having a little kip.

-It's all right for some.

-Mick.

-What? You've said your piece.

Sling your hook. No offence.

Brandy, please.

What's that, claret?

Somewhere private.

Here.

-What's this? The Samaritans, yeah? Cheers.

-You wanted rid of him.

Rid? What do you mean, rid?

You call that number. That's all you need to know.

Is this what I think it is?

Aidan'll take it this far, are you prepared to go there?

Or are you a victim?

-I don't know who you think I am.

-You don't mention my name.

I never gave you this.

Cos this is your way out.

I don't want it.

Listen, I'll throw a few digs at anyone.

I got beef with 'em, I face up to it.

I don't do this, you know I don't.

-I'm going to change.

-Don't... Who is it?

Mel! I'll get her drink.

Heard you're looking for staff? And I do have extensive...

..experience.

L...

Yeah? What's happened?

Nothing. No, it's just...

Go on, you whack out some zeds, go on.

-You took your time.

-Busy man.

-Well, it's good to see you.

-How was your little trip?

Yeah, good.

Did you make those enquiries before you left? You said you would.

-And you said you'd make yourself scarce.

-I get bored so easy.

-And impatient.

-Well, whoever's got the money is going to slip up

-sooner or later, ain't they?

-Maybe they already have?

The Carters seem to know something.

-You don't think so?

-Maybe.

We'll find out sooner or later.

She won't mind. Another coffee over here, darlin'.

Listen, I've gotta get home. I ain't seen Sharon yet.

I need you to stay here for a few more minutes. An alibi.

-What for?

-Just a thing.

So...

..Melanie? You seen her, did you find out what's what?

No, no. She don't give much away, does she?

I paid her a visit myself today.

Phil, I trust you with my life.

Likewise.

I just hope my money is not funding this?

What you doing down here, son? Come here.

Who was it?

Just Ollie having a little play, weren't you?

I'll not leave the Square until I find that money.

Or I will make my fortune through the Vic, one or the other.

Get the bill, mate.

-L! Get him upstairs.

-What, hang on, Mick, what is it?

Someone's poured petrol through the... Just get him in the shower!

OK, OK! It's all right, baby, it's all right...

Teen, stay there!