The Hand of Lucia Father Brown

If you're expecting a tip, you can think again!

And bring those into the house will you?

First left off the landing!

I paid you to move it, not break it!

Ugh, imbeciles.

God!

-Argh!

-GLASS SHATTERS

CAR HORN

Silly girl!

Sorry, just testing my horn.

Thanks, Bunty.

Lulu And Lucia... Rings a bell.

From what I hear it's nothing but filth.

It's frightfully saucy. You should give it a read.

No, thank you very much.

It's filled with disreputable characters.

My absolute fave is Lulu...

Lucia's secret lover.

Now that's more than I need to know.

Oh, maybe you'd probably prefer Cardinal Vogel the handsome gigolo.

Oh!

Oh, I'm going to try and get it signed now the author's local.

-Local?

-Just moved into the area.

Finally someone in Kembleford with a little bit of spunk.

But have you not heard?

Lucia Morell was attacked -

blinded in one eye.

-Really?!

-Uh-huh.

Lucia...

Am I really that ugly?

Don't go anywhere near her.

I'll do as I please

and you won't stop me!

It's just like one of her novels -

intrigue and mystery attackers...

This is not some made-up story.

A woman has been maimed.

Quite.

I wonder what the attacker was after?

Perhaps they were trying to bump her off?

Oh, now you're just getting carried away.

Lucia said in her interview she was going to reveal

who Lulu was based upon in her next novel.

Mmm. You think someone was trying to protect the real Lulu's identity?

According to this, Lulu could be any one of 20 women.

How do I look?

Fine.

No offence, but don't you think she's just a little...

What, out of my league?

Undoubtedly.

But...

here goes nothing.

Oh, damn!

Anything?

Hm?

HE SIGHS

Are you all right, Father?

You look a little...

constipated.

I beg your pardon?!

I meant mentally.

It's staring me in the face, I know it is...

Lulu. Lu...lu?

You'll never get it.

Number 14.

Ursula Lansford?

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Lady Ursula Lansford of Uxbridge...

L-U-L-U.

-Lulu...

-Father, you're a genius...

Lady Ursula is a respected charity worker

who takes in young women just out of prison.

Well, I intend to pay a social call on Miss Morell

to get my book signed.

You should come along, Father.

Father has his homily to write.

Isn't that right, Father?

Yes.

Of all people.

Accusing Lady Ursula!

Ursula.

Darling!

You look stunning...

as ever.

But the glasses...

Migraine.

Oh, poor you...

Don't!

I told you a long time ago not to contact me.

Mmm.

But I need your help.

Not this time.

You helped me after the fire.

Why not again?

I've changed.

Oh... SHE CHUCKLES

Morning, Mother. Shall I make some tea for you and your guest?

Not now, James. I'm busy with...

..with my work.

Always are.

Brimming over with maternal instinct, I see.

Should have taken my advice.

Gotten rid.

He means everything to me.

There was a time when I was all you needed.

Do you ever think about what we had?

The nights we spent together, our bodies aching,

dripping with sweat...

..but it wasn't just physical, was it?

Just say your piece and go!

Very well.

The thing is...

I can't get a publishing deal for my next novel.

Apparently my kind of "erotica" is old hat...

You want money?

I've had to move into some hovel on the edge of the village.

It just isn't me, darling.

-My finances are tied up in this place.

-Then sell it!

This is not just my home.

It's a place where ex-offenders can live and start again.

How very selfless.

My aim is to open up the entire house so that others can stay.

Oh, you're really starting to bore me now, darling.

You either sell this place and give me half the profits

or I'll reveal to the press

that my fictional lover was based on you.

I don't care what my peers think any more.

Does your son know about your past?

If you go anywhere near him, I'll...

You'll what?

I'm warning you.

You of all people

know what I'm capable of.

Apologies for not having introduced myself earlier.

Lucia Morell...

James...

That's... Oh...

Yeah, I met you briefly, years ago.

Yes, yes I'm an old friend of your mother's.

Now please would you be an absolute darling

and drive me home?

I don't live very far.

Um, right.

Um, of course...

SHE GIGGLES

Yeah.

You know...

You have your mother's eyes.

Oh, I-I really should be going.

James...

Um, now I don't wish to be rude,

but you strike me as someone not entirely very successful

with the ladies. Am I right?

Well, I...

And one might even endeavour to say that, um...

..that you're still a novice.

Am I right?

Oh, my poor darling.

And the problem will only get worse.

You see, women can smell desperation on a man.

And you, my poor love...

you positively reek of it.

Now, what you need is a woman of the world to teach you,

so that you'll have the confidence to charm any girl you want...

Hm?

So...

Would you like a lesson, James?

Hm?

I am very sorry,

but I simply cannot let that woman's daughter join the choir.

But she's got such a beautiful voice, and she's really very keen.

Well, beautiful voice, or not,

until she is willing to lower the hem of her skirt and...

Spot of brunch and then off to Lucia Morell's house.

Care to join me?

I'm all for young people joining the choir,

but we do have our standards to keep up.

Isn't that right, Father?

Sorry, it must have been nerves.

I could comfort you with cliches about how it doesn't matter

and how it happens to all men.

But I'm sorry, my love...

it's just not true.

No wonder you're still a virgin.

You were absolutely pathetic...

-Please...

-I've had hundreds of men, and never one SO inadequate.

You're like a little boy, really, aren't you?

-No...

-Did Ursula not give you the attention you needed?

Too busy with her charity work to notice her own son.

Is that why you took comfort in eating?

You will never satisfy a woman.

You've got to face facts.

You're just a big, fat baby

who can't rise to the occasion!

Shut up!

HE SOBS

Put your clothes on and go home!

After all she's done for us.

Lady Ursula doesn't deserve this.

If that one-eyed crow gets her way, we'll all end up on the street.

Yeah.

We should pay her a visit.

One moment.

Sir.

Lucia Morell wants to know when you're going to interview her

-about the attack, now she's out of hospital.

-Give it here.

Inspector Mallory speaking.

Yes, I'll try and call later.

I-I beg your pardon?

Interview you in your negligee?

Inspector, when I'm at home

I like to conduct my affairs from the comfort of my four-poster bed.

SHE CHUCKLES

So you'll have to take me as you find me...

DOOR OPENS

Oh, one moment...

Hello?

Sorry about that, Inspector...

SHE SCREAMS

'Miss Morell...'

Miss Morell?!

Rather run-down for a famous novelist.

Well, her old house was rather magnificent

until it burned to the ground,

and her latest place in Evesham was repossessed.

I'm afraid you can't come any further.

Murder scene...

Not Lucia Morell?

So the intruder was trying to kill her...

Was anything taken?

Look, I shouldn't really say, but...yes,

something WAS taken after the murder.

That's why they took the hand.

In her novel, Lucia had Runic symbols on her wrist

revealing Lulu's identity.

And so perhaps the real life Lucia had the same tattoo.

With Lady Ursula's name on.

She must be involved in some way.

Found a bunch of abusive letters, sir. All ready to be posted...

-To who?

-Well anyone and everyone.

She had a warped passion for upsetting people.

If you'd read her work then you'd already know that.

She doesn't mean anything by it.

I see the old gout's back.

Cut the pleasantries, padre -

and keep your snout out of my business!

Charmant!

Father, we should pay a visit to Lady Ursula

and pretend to be interested in her charity, or something.

So you can subtly introduce into the conversation the death of Lucia?

Exactly, and observe her reaction.

Or, we can tell the Inspector what we know.

You're joking.

That horrid little man will only try and stop us.

Not quite right.

Mm, you're right.

Something smells good.

Do you work here? We're looking for Lady Ursula...

Friar Victor Novak, I'm the gamekeeper

Father Brown.

What order do you belong to?

None. Got thrown out.

There was no answer when we knocked.

Oh, go straight in. She'll be round the back.

Resting.

Wait!

Need a second opinion.

Oh, no, it's quite all right, we've already eaten...

Please, just a spoonful.

I think I've forgotten something.

Mmm...

-It's actually not bad.

-Oh, more?

-I really shouldn't.

-I insist.

Mmm...mm.

Mm!

What's in it?

Rabbit, mainly.

Also squirrel,

and the odd vole for flavour.

Is that a claw?

Rodents!

We should have gone through with it.

A smack in the old witch's mouth and we'd have been sorted.

What, and risk going back inside, is that what you want?

Are you all right, Mildred?

Gut rot...

I told you not to taste his stew!

Can I help?

We're visiting Lady Ursula

I say are you one of the ex-cons?

Yeah.

Bunty Windermere.

And this is Father Brown...

Scarlet. Finch.

Gosh, I have always wondered what it must be like to be banged up.

Thieves, murderers, molesters - all thrown together.

What's your vice?

Bunty...

Sorry.

This way.

Posh cow.

So, your Aunt Felicia is interested in investing in my charity.

Well, she'd certainly like to know more about it.

But I totally understand if you feel our visit isn't convenient.

Why do you say that?

Oh...you haven't heard.

The novelist, Lucia Morell...

She's been murdered.

What?

I'm sorry.

I-I...

I only saw her this morning...

It must be a terrible shock.

You were obviously very close...

Close?

Well, it was suggested that you were once very good friends.

That woman meant nothing to me!

If you say so.

Now...

if you'll excuse me,

I need my tablets...

Well, I think the Lady doth protest too much.

-STOMACH GURGLES

-Oh...

What is it?

I'm just tired of people walking all over me.

Even my own mother does it.

It's just her...

her way.

Well, I'm not going to let people treat me like dirt any more.

What happened?

Nosebleed.

When I drove Lucia home.

What brought that on?

I don't know!

I'm so sorry. You must think me awfully rude.

It is I who should apologise.

I've explained you had some of the friar's soup.

You can't possibly brave the journey home like that.

Would it help if you had a little lie down?

Well...yes. Thank you.

The drawing room on your right. It's got a comfortable couch.

You're so kind.

SHE PANTS

Father! Father Brown!

-INSPECTOR MALLORY:

-Nobody is to leave the grounds.

Cause of death is still unclear, sir, but it looks like poison.

Well, at least none of her body parts have gone AWOL.

You think the murders are connected?

It's highly likely. Lucia Morell was here this morning.

And how do you know that?

Don't tell me - the Holy Ghost told you.

Actually it was Lady Ursula.

I need to interview Miss Windermere. Where's she got to?

Poor thing. How are you feeling now?

Well, rodents for lunch and then discovering a corpse -

I've had better days.

Oh!

Right, listen up.

I want to start with Lucia Morell's death

seeing that she was the first to croak...

Die. Pass on.

Did anyone see her after she left here?

I drove her home.

And then?

I left straight away

and went to the White Hart.

-You can ask the landlord...

-And when you dropped her off,

did you see anyone else in the area?

-Spit it out, lad!

-He saw me and Mildred on the road to Lucia's.

We were going to scare her,

try and make her stop blackmailing Lady Ursula.

Blackmail?

Lucia was going to reveal that the character of Lulu was based on her -

but we only got as far as the gates.

I persuaded Mildred not to go through with it...

in case we ended up back inside.

Ah...

A couple of ex-cons. Now we're getting somewhere.

It doesn't make them murderers.

You know what I think?

Things got out of hand

and, instead of scaring her, you killed her.

-No.

-You're lying.

I saw them turn round and leave.

And where were you?

I was, er...

er...

cutting across the fields.

I was going to plead with Lucia to leave Lady Ursula alone.

Is this some kind of ruddy joke?

I've never seen a case with so many suspects.

Knocked on the door but there was no answer.

So...

..so I went away.

Right. I want written statements from all of you.

We'll start with you.

Follow me.

If you ever need to talk...

Thank you. But we weren't close friends.

We just watched each other's backs inside.

I hear you're a bit of an amateur sleuth, Father.

I dabble.

Well, I hope you find the killer before that copper fits me up.

I've met his type before.

Mm.

I'm not sure they're your size.

Routine search.

Oh, not again.

Ooh!

RETCHING

FLUSH

Sergeant!

-What's happened?

-Look!

SHE GASPS

Why would someone do that?

Are you all right?

I think so.

-It'll help settle your tummy.

-Oh, thank you.

Is that what you said to Mildred...

before you poisoned her?

Sorry?

Where were you at 11:20 today?

I spent most of the morning alone in my bedroom.

I had a migraine.

So, no alibi.

Lucia's hand was found in your cistern...

in your private bathroom

and, since she was blackmailing you,

you have, by far, the strongest motive.

You're not serious!

Lady Ursula, I'm arresting you on suspicion...

I killed Lucia!

You?

I lied. I climbed in through a window and...

..and...

I had to protect Lady Ursula's reputation.

By cutting Lucia's hand off?

The tattoo spelled out Ursula's name.

But why then put the hand in her bathroom?

I...

hid it in a bag...

put it in with the birds...

but someone stole it.

Let's try again.

Friar Novak, I'm arresting you

on suspicion of the murder of Lucia Morell.

This way, sir.

So who killed Mildred?

Friar Fruitcake.

So you think he poisoned her because she took Lucia's hand and...

Back off, padre.

In case you've forgotten, I'm the detective round here.

So sling your cassock.

So this Lulu character is based on you?

It was a long time ago. I don't want to talk about it.

I'm sorry, Father. It's all rather too much.

I never had Father Novak down as a killer.

Well...

he was always willing to stand up for my honour.

He thought I regretted my affair with Lucia.

But you didn't?

I ended it because of her sadism.

She genuinely...

hated people.

I know I should have run a mile from her, but...

..she was so...

alluring back then.

So...

dangerous.

You were in love.

No.

It was much stronger than love, Father.

There was a time when...

when...

I would have died for her.

KEY TURNS IN LOCK

I won't ask if you slept well.

I don't need spiritual guidance, Father.

Then I won't give you any.

One thing troubles me.

If you took the hand to protect Lady Ursula,

why didn't you destroy it? Burn it?

I didn't have time. Now, please, just leave me alone.

Odd that you confessed

only when they were about to arrest Lady Ursula.

What hold does she have over you?

Don't speak of her in that way!

Ah...

Love.

It's far more complicated than just two people...

loving each other.

Mrs McCarthy, I need your help.

Several of the clues so far have come from the novel Lulu and Lucia.

Lulu's identity, the hand.

So, Bunty's had an idea...

I thought if we all read separate chapters

then perhaps more clues will pop up.

Oh, I should have thought you'd know every sordid detail by now.

Well, you can't expect me to remember all of them.

Chapter six, Mrs M.

Father, is this really necessary?

Well, if it helps to prevent more murders...

Well, I suppose.

'Lucia had the power to turn any male sophisticate,

'any male intellectual into a savage beast.

'There had never been brotherly rivalry between them, until now.

'With bloodlust running through their veins,

'they would fight to the death. And the prize?

'A night with Lucia.'

'Cardinal Vogel had been humiliated for the last time.

'With fantasies of Lucia's murder

'consuming his every thought, he burnt the palace to the ground.

'The side-splitting laughter of those inside

'now replaced by skin-blistering screams!'

SCREAMING

'Lucia danced all night with the Grand Duke of Luxembourg,

'his viper eyes slithering over her every curve...

'..into every crevice of her body.

'He had a desire to own

'and, indeed, to soil all beauty.

'He had to have Lucia.'

Well...I think I need some air.

Or a cold shower, more like!

Penelope...

James!

The sooner I'm away from here, the better.

What's brought this on?

I found that novel at the bookshop.

James, please.

The things you and Lucia did.

How could you hurt so many people?

She...had a hold on me.

You know, I wish my father was alive.

At least then I'd have one parent I wasn't ashamed of.

You disgust me!

Oh, don't say that.

If I were you I'd get away from her.

She's not like that any more.

Why don't you come with me?

James, I've told you I'm not interested!

Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

You are a monster.

But...where will you go?

What do you care? You never have before.

James!

James!

Of all the named characters,

Cardinal Vogel has the strongest motive for harming Lucia.

Whenever he pops up, Lucia humiliates him.

He's the only real candidate for the killer other than Lulu.

Hm.

Why make him a gigolo?

Gigolo... another word for prostitute.

-So the character could be based on a woman?

-It's possible.

If Lulu was a pseudonym for Lady Ursula,

what does Cardinal Vogel mean?

A cardinal is also a bird.

Vogel - German for bird.

Friar Novak and his birds!

So he really is the killer.

Not so sure.

Cardinal red is also a vivid colour.

Red bird.

That's it.

SHE SIGHS

I should have tried to make him understand.

No. He just doesn't know how charitable you really are.

You can't imagine how glad I am you let me stay.

Well, Mildred said you looked out for her in prison.

I only befriended her when I found out she was staying here.

It was a way in.

A way in?

Well, if it wasn't for you,

I'd have never gone to prison in the first place.

Who are you?

Exactly who I said I am.

Scarlet Finch.

But Lucia used to call me...

her little red bird.

You...

No...

No!

Now, you can either die the same way as Lucia...

or be poisoned like Mildred.

Your choice...

-Stop!

-Stay back.

-Scarlet, don't do this.

You don't understand.

I know that Cardinal Vogel is based on you.

She paid me to be her plaything.

In the novel, he sets fire to the palace.

I didn't burn down Lucia's mansion!

But they blamed you.

They shouldn't have sent you to prison.

Lucia started the fire while she was drunk...

-then framed me.

-Three people died.

Ten years, I got. Lucia ruined my life.

So then you came back here with Mildred

and then you went alone to Lucia's place...

..and you killed her and cut off her hand.

But why threaten Lady Ursula?

I gave Lucia a false alibi.

It put her in the clear!

Everyone believed Lucia when she pointed the finger at me.

I'm sorry.

I've never stopped thinking about what I did to you.

That's why I started the prisoner charity.

To make you feel better?

You could have come forward any time over the years.

-Now swallow them.

-Scarlet.

Get out of my way, Father.

I can't do that.

She's a victim too.

Lucia used you both.

She could have said no.

She had a choice.

And so can you now.

I won't tell you again, Father.

Move.

Lucia turned you into a killer...

..but that's not who you truly are.

How many more are you going to kill?

Bunty?

Me?

Just because we know the truth?

Is that why you killed your friend?

Mildred?

Let me explain.

'I had to stop her from going to the police.'

How easy has it become to take another person's life?

Try and remember the young girl you were

before Lucia warped your mind,

before you went to prison.

Where is that girl?

Where is that goodness?

Where's her faith?

God will forgive you.

God still loves you.

SCARLET SOBS GENTLY

I won't be long.

Lady Ursula...

What have I done?

No. You weren't to know any of this would happen.

-I thought I could live with my past.

-ENGINE STARTS

What a fool.

You're a different person now.

Am I?

Or am I just deluding myself.

-Oh...

-Everyone is worthy of forgiveness.

I'm not religious, Father, but...

I know God cast Satan into Hell

because there was no redemption for him.

It's the same for me.

Do you honestly believe that?

I can't hide it any more.

I got immense pleasure from hurting people,

wrecking their lives.

Lucia...

tapped into something and...

..I couldn't resist.

And now?

Not a day passes when I don't feel

the conflict of good and bad inside me.

Mm.

Then unburden yourself.

Tell the police everything.

You'll have to do that for me, Father.

Why?

Told you.

Can't live with it any longer.

Poison?

I knew...

one day...

it would become...

..unbearable.

This day...

I need help here!

THUNDER RUMBLES

James.

Father.

Just waiting for the friar. They're releasing him.

Good.

And how are you?

I still can't believe she could do such a thing.

Then again, she never confided in me.

Cared more about helping others.

Her charity work was her way of making amends.

But she did care about you.

I've never understood why you've always defended her.

Now she's gone, perhaps you should tell him.

I left the order because...

because I fathered a child. A boy.

I thought my father died in the war.

Your mother insisted on keeping it a secret.

She wouldn't let me live in the house.

But...

I wanted to stay close.

Don't.

James...

It will take time.

James...

Yet another secret of my mother's.

She was only thinking about you.

Deep down, she was a good person.

How can you say that after all the horrible things she did?

Lucia was very controlling.

She...

She was a vile, poisonous individual

and the world is better off without her.

Well, it was all in there.

I'm surprised we didn't work it out earlier.

Now that it's over,

can we throw that filth away?

Mrs McCarthy...!

Well...

I have no idea how that got there.

Unless it was you!

A lady would never do such a thing.

Exactly!

She's probably got a copy stuffed under her mattress.

Toodle-pip!