The Best Man Holby City

I promise you they're accurate.

Fine-tooth comb, Ollie. If you've botched this research, arses will be kicked.

I'm back.

-Back running Holbycare?

-Yep, Holbycare needs me.

I don't understand.

Well, it's simple. You've achieved the highest score in the region.

Guys, you might want to tone down the lovey-dovey stuff.

It doesn't bother me but when patients start commenting,

-it just looks a bit unprofessional.

-Of course.

I've quit twice before

and the last time, they let me onto F1 course,

ONLY because Mr Hope wrote a letter.

Well, at least until six o'clock you are my F1

and, right now, I could really use your help on AAU.

All right, new rule, from now we tie the beast down.

Or follow the trail of vomit.

-Oh, I see him.

-Where?

-He's there by the by the bus stop.

-I don't see him.

-Yeah, you need glasses.

-I do not need glasses.

-Oh-oh!

-No, no, no. I am not running!

-Trousers too tight?

No, he's just scared we'll beat him.

Girls, there's no way you'll beat me!

All right, Nathan, take it easy, we're here.

-Get off me, man!

-Lie still.

-You're assaulting me! Get off me!

-Nathan, just listen...

-Where's my shirt?

-All right, look,

we need to find out if the broken rib has caused any internal damage.

-Who's nicked my shirt?

-You were sick on it, man!

You see this bruising? This is not good... Oh, fantastic!

All right Nathan, just relax.

Go with it. You're having a fit because you have some trapped air - he's got a pneumothorax.

Yeah, we're going to need a needle.

Marrow badges for the girl scouts

-but I've already called the crash team.

-You spoil sport!

All right, all right, all right!

-OK, we need a chest drain, diazepam...

-Out of the way, please!

-..and a round of Americanos.

-Don't look at me! Excuse me.

-Forget it!

-One of you needs to suck up to the boss!

-Bar code side up. It's nuts but...

-Thanks.

-Are you the new locum?

-Yes. Sorry, I've been stuck with HR.

All right, well, this is Nathan.

He made a faux pas during the best man's speech and paid the price.

We're still investigating

but I've got a sneaky suspicion an excess of alcohol might be at play.

Yes, I have an instinct, you may be right.

-Crumbs, pneumothorax!

-Yeah, you got it in one.

OK, I'll need 20mg Lignocaine, drapes and a chest drain.

Hello, Nathan, I'm Ms Broadhurst.

I'm going to get you breathing by making a cut in your side.

OK, thanks.

Look, this might sting a little, OK?

HE GROANS

Well done.

Knife?

-Nathan, if you don't want to see this, close your eyes now.

-Frieda, come here.

-F1, F2?

-Two, just.

-Put your finger here...

-Yeah, I know.

-Thanks.

-Now?

-Nope. Five, four, three, two, go.

GURGLING

We got the lift off.

-Thanks.

-You're welcome.

Well, that was a good work, team.

Tell you what, instead of a bonus or pay rise...Americanos are on me.

-What's your name?

-Alex.

-Welcome to the team.

Right, shall we start again?

Hello, I'm Alex. Know you're Frieda, you, Senior Nurse?

Yeah, Nurse McKee, and Michael Spence is our clinical lead.

-Really? Officially?

-Isn't he?

Who knows.

Thanks.

Hey, Jac, you dyed your hair? Looking lovely!

-She's had this room bugged, you know that?

-C'mon, need you air-side.

Sorry, research day - I'm surrounded by an invisible force field.

Lots of sexy cases...

Heart attacks, angina...am I reeling you in?

-She warned me you'd do this.

-Spell checking? You'll be licking the stamp next.

I will indeed, the deadline is tomorrow.

Tomorrow?! Then you've NO excuse - come on, arriba!

Look, honestly, I would but I said it I'd get it in early.

Only the lame get homework in early, or nominate themselves for awards.

-The award's her idea, not mine.

-Are you scared, little boy?

-Do we need to ring ChildLine?

-I've sweated my guts out over this...

-Buying coffees and giving her foot rubs?!

-No, this is proper research!

Come on, I've got an AF that needs an ablation.

If you help me...

I'll let you hold my scalpel.

Not enough.

-I'll let you DO the ablation.

-Really?

Think. What would your mentor Jac Naylor do?

-I suppose it could wait a couple of hours.

-Good boy!

Can I ruffle your hair?

'Very quiet, she is.'

I'll chat with you, LLeucu.

Just saying. I think it's the shock.

Good job she got on the hard shoulder.

-Ha, don't pretend we don't all love a pile up!

-Do we have notes?

Only ED's -

St James' are faxing the rest over when they're not, "on lunch".

Go on.

Good afternoon, Miss Stephens, I'm Dr Valentine, this is Mr Douglas.

-Hello.

-Narrow escape, well done for getting off the road.

I could feel it coming on.

OK, just looking at what you told ED, you've had AF for, what?

A year, mainly palpitations.

OK, and the blackout's are a new symptom?

-You know we're going to operate?

-Yeah, when will that be?

Nudged you a place at close of play.

-Is that OK?

-I didn't think it'd be today.

Going to get it over and done with, now you're here.

OK.

Is there anyone we can call for you?

Erm...no, thank you. That's fine.

-I'll be down around five, OK?

-Erm...OK.

-Bloods and ECG, yeah?

-Shouldn't I talk her through the procedure?

-Changed my mind, I'm going to do it.

-What?! You promised!

Did Jac not teach you? Trust no-one.

-This makes me a good boss, OK?

-Why?

-Hanssen's called me into a meeting

and I'm buying you off in case he asks for the 360 feedback.

-You know, where you witches get to stick the knife in?

-Yeah.

That explains the tight trousers.

You know, you looking professional and all?

SHE LAUGHS

Where's the locum?

Oh, typical. Last ones to rock in, first ones to tip out.

-What's Hemmingway doing anyway? Fishing?

-No.

He's paintballing with some stem cell geeks.

What?

It's my job to know everything!

-I'm going to kill you, you've RUINED my wedding!

-I wasn't trying to!

-What did you say it for, Nathan? Eh? What did you say it for?

-Come on, hang on, enough!

-It was a joke, all right? It got out of hand.

-Out of hand?

All right, Eddi, let's get him into the side room. YOU need to sober up!

-Look at my dress. It cost me a grand, this did!

-Be all right,

stick a bit of bleach on that, you can put it on eBay.

-You need to get this hand looked at first.

-Let's get her hand sutured.

Just, please tell me, did he sleep with her?

-SHOUTS:

-Did he sleep with her?

-All right, enough! Enough!

Not exactly dreaming spires

-but never a dull moment.

-Setting my expression to "unfazed".

-Good to be back in the cut and thrust?

-One always needs case studies.

Mr Spence, I do apologise, I wasn't here for the introductions.

No, we're one step ahead of you, I've already met our locum registrar.

Yes, I think there's been a little confusion here.

Ms Broadhurst is a consultant, she's not Mr Hemmingway's temporary cover.

-Although, like him, she is a fellow.

-Right.

Well, you should've said something. Another faculty nerd, huh?

It really is not a huge deal, I'm not mad on formalities.

I just thought I should double-check with...

Avoid any embarrassment, crossed wires.

Of course.

And, as usual, it's entirely HR's fault.

-I'll see you at half past one.

-Absolutely.

All right. Be right back.

-So, bloods have gone down, ECG...

-INR?

-I'll do that next.

And a coffee and a foot rub would be lovely!

I want to do that ablation.

-No, you're not ready yet.

-Of course I'm ready.

-Ahh!

-And you know this how...?

-Ring Jac, ask her.

Are you sleeping with her?

-Look, I'm not a junior F1 anymore.

-I know that.

She seems a bit prickly, we should probably not unleash a newbie on her. You can assist.

No, it's not worth my while.

-Got to meet my deadline by five.

-Come on, don't cut your nose off.

-Can you do any earlier?

-Plans for this afternoon.

I actually have a life!

Going to see a pension's adviser.

-Come on, I've been putting it off.

-Pensions adviser?!

-It's the only time he could do.

-Oh, thanks a lot!

-You want me to die penniless and alone in a gutter?

-Hm, thinks, "What would Naylor do?"

Hey! Hey, don't do that!

-I need to get my shirt on.

-Look, I'm going to say this to you in words of one syllable so that you understand.

It is not SAFE for you to go.

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-OK, but it's not SAFE for me to stay...

Lie down.

Come on, lie down. Look, bruise's getting worse.

It's my brother. He's a psycho, he's going to kill me!

He's not going to kill you.

-I'M going to kill you!

-Kelly, I told you, enough is enough.

-Just tell me the truth, Nathan.

-Kel, I made it up for a laugh.

-Why'd he beat you up then?

-Cos he's a nutcase.

-You know they arrested him?

-No.

Yeah, they did. It's not going to be bail, is it? Not this time.

-There you go, now you can stick around.

-Look where I'm spending my wedding night, Nathan.

-You've slept in worse places than this.

-That supposed to be a joke?

Just having a laugh, all right? Stop taking yourself so seriously! Get a sense of humour.

-Have you seen my dress. Look at it.

-It doesn't matter.

You look amazing.

OK, well, maybe YOU can convince him to stick around.

I don't care what he does.

-How's he doing?

-Moving gently from aggression to remorse.

Oh, the hangover is going to be tremendous!

Boozed-up Britain, how I've missed thee!

-Where've you been before then, Alex?

-Just home.

-I've had a sort of career break.

-Yeah, kids? I've got four.

No, I was writing a book...

No, that sounds too grand, I was updating a textbook!

Oh, my goodness! Felix and Broadhurst?

-That's the one, available in all highly specialised medical bookshops.

-That's my bible.

Ah!

Nathan's x-rays are back...

Which consultant would you like me to give them to?

Well, which consultant brought you coffee?

-This might sting a bit.

-Oh, it's fine.

-Where were you going?

-I'm sorry?

-Where were you driving to?

Nowhere really.

Just have a little squeeze on that for me.

-So, you're taking the meds OK?

-Which meds?

For your heart. Are you on other ones?

-Not really.

-You should tell me if you are.

I'm on sleeping pills and anti-depressants.

-Right. Do you know what they're called?

-They're in my bag.

-Can I have that?

-Of course.

Miss Stephens, we're having trouble locating your notes from St James's.

Can I just check the spelling, is it with a V or a Ph?

They could be under Gunn. Michelle Gunn.

-OK, we'll try that. Any previous surgery?

-Does a caesarean count?

-Did you have an epidural?

-No, general.

The baby was born asleep.

Oh, I'm sorry for your trouble.

-So no adverse reaction to the anaesthetic?

-No, none.

I'm sorry, he's really busy.

Don't worry... I'm used to it.

Street crossers.

The baby's...?

You're the first person to actually ask me that you know.

When did it happen?

Now there's the thing.

365 days.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

Ah, good.

Would you mind casting an eye over this?

-Is this a joke?

-No.

Have we listed all the core competencies?

That's the question and I thought you'd be the perfect person to ask.

Why are you giving me my own job description?

Right, I don't wish to humiliate you

but you do realise that you're not technically clinical lead?

Well, I WAS under the assumption that I was already in the role.

Acting as clinical lead is not the same as being clinical lead, is it?

OK...and how is advertising the post, not meant to be humiliating?

That is indeed regrettable.

Of late HR have surpassed themselves in their inability to communicate.

-I will take it up at directorate level.

-No, it's all right.

Just give me a heads up how long this slow revenge is going to take.

One of the cornerstones of the new ethos is transparency.

All jobs will be advertised and recruited

-against measurable criteria.

-You kept a straight-face, impressive.

-Well, it is to your advantage.

-Stop, it's all right, I get it.

-You're shafting me in favour of the new girl?

-No, no, no.

This appointment will be made on how well you match these magic bullets.

Not on your disgraceful recent past.

OK.

-Well, you've only missed one core competency.

-Oh?

Ability to deal with people who are a complete pain in the ass.

Wow, six bedrooms!

Better get a move on if you're going to fill those.

-Oh, I don't think that's on the cards.

-You never know.

-Carolyn Northcotte with the foot spa?

-Yes.

-How we going?

-Just warming her up for you.

-Less of your sauce, please, Mary-Claire.

-Sorry?

-Just give her some of that Dublin charm.

I'm from Belfast.

Well, just give her your lovely smile - defrost her in no time.

-Was he just flirting with me?

-I don't think so.

-He was!

Big time!

-Sorry.

-Don't mind me.

Hello there, I'm Mr Hamilton, the Orthopaedic Consultant.

That a St Ainsworth top, is it?

-Guilty as charged.

-My brother was there, in the '50s.

Small world. How's the pedicure?

It's gangrene, isn't it?

He gave you a pay rise and a company car?

-Internal bleeding?

-Hard to say.

Bruising is spreading a little but without the CT scans...

All right, he's going to need a splenectomy.

Eddi, let's cancel some old ladies hip replacement

and get this drunk guy a slot.

Bit drastic, going straight for the nuclear button?

Oh, I've seen this hundreds of times.

-GA with query head injury?

-There's no head injury.

Not that we can see but he seems disorientated, confused speech...

Yeah, he's been drinking.

OK, GA with query excess alcohol consumption?

We could give it a chance to wear off, wait for the results?

So, are you asking me or you're telling me?

-I'm debating with you.

-All right, you win, let's do it your way.

-I'm not saying do it my way, I'm just..

-Eddi, cancel that.

What? I've just shouted at them!

It's not about winning is it? It's just a difference of opinion.

Hmm, absolutely. It's completely academic, nothing personal.

-We need to bring the ablation forward.

-Why?

-She needs to be awake at 5.00.

-Why?

OK, I know it sounds morbid but it's the anniversary of her daughter's death and she needs to mark it.

-The exact moment?

-Yeah.

-This some Naylor lie to get your own way?

-Oh, get lost.

Sorry...I promised her that we'd try.

-That's daft.

-I think it's psychologically important.

-We can't bring it forward.

-I can do it, you can do your own thing.

Now, that really is channelling spirit of Jac Naylor.

That isn't fair, I'm trying to make a compromise.

You get your pension, she gets through...

-You know, a major milestone in the grieving process.

-You patronising me?

-No.

Don't make promises you don't know you can keep.

We've not completed the pre-op assessment,

-going by this the INR result.

-So, we bring it down, as soon as we can.

Yes, but by the time the FFP's defrosted

-we might as well keep to the same slot.

-OK, so, use vitamin K.

Whoa, quite the hungry cub, aren't we?

I said FFP, I meant FFP.

I'm just trying to do the right thing here.

Yeah, all about the patient, obviously.

The good news is you don't have an infection of the bone.

-But the toes might drop off.

-Not necessarily.

Possibly some flesh on the tip is frostbitten but with antibiotics.

Damned stables, so draughty!

I've been sleeping in there with the horses.

Ready Eddie has a new foal - quite literally a MARE! Ha-ha!

-Sleeping outside in February?

-Yes! Plenty of hay.

It's good enough for the dogs, it's good enough for me.

Right, well, it might be time to come inside.

-Righto.

-Do you have anyone at home who can help?

You mean staff?

Yes.

-It's getting harder and harder to get good people.

-Great.

-Well, with the right homecare and medication...

-You'll let me out?

-If that's what you want.

-Splendid!

Did you not notice the symptoms? Pins and needles?

I ignored it.

Assumed it was a stroke!

'Stop worrying about it!'

-Do I have a reputation or something?

-No!

I don't think he meant anything by it, he was just joking.

Well, let's see how he likes it, shall we?

Let's see who's joking.

I can't promise anything, but if this levels out

I'll try and sort something, get you in there early.

I don't want you to, you know, cancel a cancer patient or whatever.

I won't. With any luck, this'll kick in.

-What is it?

-Vitamin K.

There we go, 2.9. It's working already.

I appreciate the effort. Thanks.

-These things are important.

-Yeah.

One day you're big and fat and everyone loves you...

..next you're...well, all you have is this.

How do you plan to mark it?

Alone...in the car park at Mumbury Services.

I don't mean with a pipe in the exhaust. It's just...

I like the anonymity.

And once, when I was there, worrying cos I hadn't felt any movement.

She kicked and reassured me.

Must be tough dealing with this by yourself.

I just feel, if I can get through it, stare it in the eye,

maybe...

Maybe not. I don't know...

All right, there you go, punctured lung.

Right, interesting.

What about the abdo scan?

-As I said, ruptured spleen.

-Ouch.

-That's quite some beating!

-So, can I take him to theatre now?

I wasn't stopping you, I don't see that as my role at all.

-All right, Eddi, apparently, we're back on.

-Are we now?

What about the head scan?

Look, even if there is a head injury, the risks are small.

In all probability but why not have the paper trail? Save on legal fees.

-Nathan Savage...

-There you go. Took you, what, two hours?

-I'm sorry?

-Dig about plastics?

-I'm lost.

-It's Darwin.

Are we going to theatre or not...?

Up to you.

There is some dead tissue but I'm starting her on flucloxacillin,

-sending her home, we'll reconvene in a few days.

-Home?!

-Well, it could be months, couldn't it?

-Why don't you just amputate?

-Er...because...

-Save time?

Right, why don't I just give her a pair of crutches as well?

Save time in case she breaks her ankle?

Look, she's going to go back out there, on nights like these?

-Be wheeled in before the weekend. Paramedic's going to love you!

-What?!

Ah. You know she's the woman camped outside the cathedral?

What, the bag lady?

-She's not a bag lady. She's just protesting against, erm...

-War.

-Yeah, I know, I've seen the signs. Nutter!

-Ah, fair play to her.

Come on, it's ridiculous! "Look at me, I'm against the war!"

-Whatever.

-You might as well say, "I'm against death and disease."

Isn't that what we are against?

-Well, you know what I mean.

-OK, fair enough.

But she's going to go back out there, you'll have non-compliance on meds

and by the weekend it'll be necrotising flesh,

which means I'll be called in on Saturday to deal with it!

-Sorry, am I interrupting?

-Kind of.

-Just a quick question.

Do you want to go out with me?

-Sorry?

-Do you want to go out with me? Or were you making flirty chat

-because I'm a nurse?

-Course I wasn't!

-So do you want to go out with me?

-Er...

-OK.

-OK.

-How about the weekend?

-Ahh.

Playing golf up north.

Well, I can't do tomorrow night, so it'll have to be tonight.

-Get lost, Malick.

-Sorry.

Forgot you're so far in the closet you're in Narnia.

-Medication.

-Amputate.

-Nope.

She'll comply.

-Everyone reverts to the norm in the end.

-Do they?

OK, Thursday at ten? OK, fine then, we'll stick with later today, thank you.

Jeez, like booking an appointment with the Queen!

-Can't you find someone else?

-Sahira said this guy was the best. ALARM SOUNDS

SCREAMING AND CRYING

It's my leg!

Could've told me before the wedding.

Was it just the one nighter or...?

She stayed with him every night we were there, Kel.

Well, thanks for telling me... and all my friends and family.

-I'm so sorry.

-Like I said, I know what he's like.

He's different from you.

-Hey, excuse me, we have your test results.

-Bad or...

Well, it's not fantastic but it is something that we can deal with. You have ruptured your spleen

and I'd like to perform an operation to get it out.

-What's the spleen again?

-It's part of the immune system.

-What, and I don't need that, no?

-Well, ideally you do

but if we leave it and it bleeds out, can be pretty serious.

-Well, get him in there then, soon as.

-You reckon?

-Well, yeah, it's the best thing, right?

-I think so.

I mean, I know it sounds extreme but...

I should go.

Unless...you want me to stay?

I've ruined enough of your day. You ain't got to sit with me.

Is there no other way?

I feel like I've had an op already.

Well, you don't have to do anything. It's just my opinion.

Can I have something for my headache?

Yeah, Paracetamol. It's usually the best thing for a hangover.

Apart from not drinking of course.

Well, needed a bit of Dutch courage, didn't I?

Still didn't tell her, though.

Well, you do have 20 minutes before you go in so...

Nah, I've got no chance.

-Really?

-Yeah, she's not interested in me.

-She's married him now, in't she?

-It ain't over till the fat lady sings.

I know you've had the crap kicked out of you and she's signed on the dotted line

but...I don't know, it seems to me it could be all still to play for.

-Trust me.

-That's weird.

I don't want to say it but you might be on to something there. See? They never had their first dance.

You know what it was going to be?

Adele.

HE LAUGHS

Yeah, all right. Exactly.

Well... The nurse is going to be by to harass you soon.

-Think the antibiotics are kicking in.

-Good-o!

Didn't recognise you without the banners.

Sorry...it was the rugger top.

Brought out an insatiable desire to tease.

Do you plan on returning to your al fresco lifestyle?

-As soon as you sign me out, Sergeant.

-Right.

I'm don't think you've absorbed the dangers of allowing this to continue-

Lose the tip toes. That's my Nutcracker days over then!

If it spreads you could lose the leg, or be killed by the infection!

Well, how do we stop it spreading?

Inside, wrapped in blankets till at least July.

Fine. Amputate then.

-Get it over and done with!

-You'd rather lose a leg

than pursue a course of minimal self-care?

I'm needed.

I'll find some kind of Japanese technology duvet.

-You don't think all this is rather pointless?

-No.

Come on, no-one's pro-war - it's a false position!

Why is there so much of it then?

I just don't see how sitting outside, at your age...

I grew up with everything.

We had everything. Now I live in a tent.

Hardly a sacrifice compared with giving up your life

-for your country.

-Exactly. EXACTLY!

If they ask that every time they walk past I'm doing something.

Not saying the answer but raising the question.

Odd, DVT.

Lleucu, can we get her on the heparin please, thank you.

-Any ideas?

-Could be a reaction to the vitamin K.

-Did we not do FFP then?

-I...thought...

OK, this might be quicker, how much did you give her?

-Nothing drastic 2.5.

-Sure?

-Yes! I'm not an idiot.

-No, cos it's worked brilliantly(!)

-There's no way we could've known.

-We thought we'd experiment?

It wasn't a risky call, you know that.

-Sorry, Professor Valentine, I forgot about your...

-Will you stop making fun of me?

-No, you messed up, so expect mickey taking.

-That's all you ever do!

-This could happened to anyone.

-Yeah, but you did it.

-So, go on away and apply for your award.

-NO! I want to be in on this.

Just because you WANT something, doesn't change anything.

See, I'm a life coach. Who needs Naylor?

-Don't believe everything you read.

-Of course not.

It's just odd...

because Mr Hanssen led me to believe he was something of the golden boy.

-I had no idea.

-Really?

-Maybe I misconstrued.

Well, Mr Spence is an egomaniac but essentially, deep down...

Heart is in the right place? Exactly, same with most of us. Otherwise I suppose

-we'd've become bankers.

-Not necessarily. Not the mega bucks I'm on!

How long are you with us?

I mean, how long are you on acute admissions?

Oh, well, actually today is my last day. Surprise.

Goodness.

-Oh, that's a shame. Where are you off to?

-Haven't decided yet.

Get yourself up to General Surgery. Keller, is it?

Huge brush strokes at this stage, be amazing experience.

Yeah, maybe.

-I'll think about it.

-No time to lose, by the sound of it.

What's the problem, do you need a consultant to put a call in?

Anything I can do to help ?

No, I'm fine. I'll sort it but thanks for the offer.

Can we get Mr Savage prepped for theatre? He's good to go.

-SHE COUGHS

-What's happening?!

Don't try and talk, OK?

OK, the clot has moved up to your lung.

I'm going to operate to remove it and do the ablation at the same time?

I know it's scary, just calm down. I'll be with you, OK?

-Call a theatre and get me an assistant.

-Not Dr Valentine?

-No, someone with more experience.

We're going to do this now

so you can be awake in time for your...thing, OK?

Lleucu, can you cancel my pension meeting?

SHE GASPS

-OK, Nathan, this is where you need to sign.

-It seems like a challenging self-care regime

-but the majority of patients get used to it pretty quickly.

-Used to what?

You're aware you'll be on medication for life after the operation?

-No.

-What about post-op risk,

incidence of post-splenectomy infection, immunisations, etc?

No, he never mentioned any of that.

There seems to be some confusion over post-op complications?

I was coming here to discuss it. Let's keep the fluids up.

-May we?

-Er, can I PLEASE have something for my headache?

-Did you sustain a head injury?

-Yeah, cobbles outside the pub.

All right, we'll run a CT scan.

Can I have a word?

And when that comes back showing no problem, then you get off my back?

-Why are you so suspicious of me?

-Why d'you think?

I have no idea - surely you're used to having peers?

-Not ones that undermine me.

-I wasn't.

You manage that pretty well yourself by the sound of things.

HOW is it my fault

you neglected to tell him about the life-changing implications of your approach?

Hey, I didn't NEGLECT to tell him, I was waiting until...

He'd consented to your way?

Until he had a chance to discuss some issues

-that would affect his mood and therefore his judgement.

-Well...

You're obviously far more across the ins and outs of his personal life

but...does he strike you as the type who could responsibly self-medicate

for the rest of his life?

Risk of non-compliance, risk of query head injury -

-easily balances the level of bleeding at this stage.

-Fine...

..enough.

PHONE RINGS

Yes, I'm doing it now, you don't need to CHECK UP on me!

This appears redder, I'd like to do another blood test.

Infection?

Well, if it'd been treated sooner...

I let it fester and now it might kill me.

-I don't mean to frighten you.

-But you have.

-I'm going to stay with my brother.

-Good.

He's over the moon.

-He's been nagging me for ages to meet his ghastly grandchildren.

-Well, the important thing

is that you'll recover in a warm, familiar environment.

All right, so take a look. No head injury, clearly just a stinking hangover.

Let's take a look here.

PATIENT CRIES OUT

This bruising is getting much, much worse.

We need to get him into theatre, agreed?

No...I'm not sure. What do you think?

Well, I agree with Mr Spence.

-I think you should have the operation.

-Can you do it?

It's something I do perform

but Mr Spence has been on your case, I think it's probably best he does.

So, that's it? The decision has been made.

-There's me thinking I had a choice?

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

All right, can we have a word, again?

That's it, mate, go on. Have a little huddle up!

-It's only me being sliced open here!

-So now you change your mind?

-Because my concern's been addressed and the bleeding's evidently got worse.

-But you admit I was right?

Can somebody just please tell me who is doing this operation?

-We...

-Well...I'll be happy to do it. Get stuck in day one.

Apparently HR say I have to do a fire safety video first

but I'm assuming that's a load of tosh?

No, actually it's not. The Trust are pretty hot on that

and you don't want to piss Hanssen off, bring on those legal fees.

So...when we going in?

-We're not, the littlest hobo is heading home.

-Seriously?

Back to the bosom of her family.

Like I said, everyone reverts to type.

Could you organise a taxi for Miss Northcotte? I want proof of delivery.

-Please.

-Sorry, please.

Of course!

So, where are we taking me tonight? Am I going to need a dress?

-I don't mind. You choose.

-I'm an old fashioned girl.

Fine...Cafe St Malo.

No, they poisoned me once.

Right...La Cucina?

-And you're paying of course?

-Naturally.

Because, this is a kind of a big deal for me.

I would never do it on a first date.

I wouldn't accept anything less.

I know, I know, joke's on me.

-It's fine.

-OK, do it your way. Ignore it till it goes toxic.

OK, you guys, let's speed this up, we've wasted enough time.

-Bruising's engulfed the whole left side of the torso.

-Terrific!

I found her caution persuasive.

Will one of you, please admit that I was 100% correct?

It's in the shoes, right? I mean, you know he likes a woman in a heel.

I do not judge a woman by her shoes because I'm not a woman.

Fine. Personality clash then.

-I like her.

-Of course you do, she's a real charmer.

-Really?

-Will I be ill all the time?

Not if you stick with the meds, no.

-What if I do it wrong?

-Obviously, non-compliance would be a problem.

I don't want to be ill for the rest of my life.

-Would you rather be dead?

-Easy!

-No!

But I dunno if I can handle it.

I'm on my own, if I get ill, there's no-one to look after me.

Hey, we're ready to roll on the operation

-but Nathan is having some doubts.

-Right.

-I guess you want to come with me, run through the options?

-Me?

-Yeah, you're his wife, right?

-No!

I'm married to his brother and he was the best man.

How could you have missed the slanging match?

Well, frankly kinda goes in one ear and out the other.

You know, unless I'm mistaken, he did list YOU as next of kin, so...

Did he?

-Yeah, I'll double check but...

-No, I don't think he wants to see me.

Huh! Odd...all right, maybe I'm clueless.

I thought he said Kelly, maybe it was Karen or Kerry or...

It's not risky, is it? This op.

Like, it's not going to be the last time I see him or...?

Look, every operation carries an element of risk.

Only way to reduce it down to zero is...

Well, obvious.

-How'd it go?

-Pretty fascinating stuff, actually.

-Is she going to be OK?

-Yep, home in time for tea.

Did you get your post away OK?

-Yeah.

-Lame-o.

-Look, what is up with you?

I know I miscalled this but this response

-is totally disproportionate.

-Did you practise saying that?

I assumed you liked being bullied.

Actually she doesn't. She respects me as a colleague.

If you say so.

-Have I done something?

-No, just my time of the month.

-Where's her bag?

-Oh, good point. No idea.

Why d'you put my name down?

Just cos we're close now, aren't we? Family.

I suppose.

-Are you happy with that?

-Yeah, I want us to be close.

You know, even if we can't be anything more...

So, what's the plan?

He declares undying love, we operate, blah, blah, blah.

-Intervention.

-A nudge.

-Highly unethical.

Well, we all know that I'm an untrustworthy maverick

-who tries to screw people over.

-You know no-one thinks that, right?

Just do it, stop being a baby.

-How's it going?

-Yeah, well, I've told him he's got to have it.

-I do what I'm told.

-Hey, that's marriage for you!

-No, we're...

-Don't worry, he ain't listening.

-I'm going to change out of this now, I feel daft.

-I like you better in your jeans.

I've got jeans in my bag. Well, they was for the plane.

So, did you confess all?

Nah, chickened out again.

You're going to HAVE to get me through this now.

-What time is it?

-Quarter to.

-Where's...?

-It's fine.

She's been with me...

Thank you.

-Thank you, too.

-Aw, nothing.

You do most of the work, we just do the plumbing!

No, I mean for bringing it forward.

I know it wasn't exactly planned but...even just trying.

-No worries.

-Most people don't want to hear.

-Thank you for asking me about it.

-It's fine, no trouble.

I guess doctors see a lot of death.

Not so scared of it.

I'll leave you alone for a bit.

Actually...

-..can you stay?

-Sure.

Let me just pop these on the computer and I'll be straight back.

Clips and ties, please.

In fact, Dr Petrenko, do you want to have a go?

Why you being so nice to me?

I told you, just in case Hanssen asks you for any feedback.

You know he told her you were, like, a top dog? Nothing about plastics?

Like I said, she's a real charmer. Scissors.

-BEEPING

-BP's Falling.

All right, continued bleeding.

Come on, man, don't do this to me.

-Got haemostasis?

-It's swamped.

OK, methodical, we're going to pack all four quadrants.

OK, there is a capsular tear.

It's running all the way towards the porta hepatis.

-I'm going to need another pair of hands.

-OK.

-No, get me Ric.

-He's in Gothenburg.

All right, well, pull Hanssen out of whatever board meeting he's in.

-It's going to take too long.

-OK, all right.

4.0 Prolene, suction, swab on a stick.

I can't see a thing! Come on, more suction, here!

I can't see anything.

Michael, it's not working.

HE SIGHS Damn it!

All right, get me Alex.

Page Ms Broadhurst.

Oh, it's a good one.

-Just going to update my status with it.

-Please, don't do that.

You don't want to go public? Why not?

-For God's sake, give it a rest!

-Are you breaking up with me?

What did I do to you?

You publicly humiliated me.

What! How?

You flirted with me to make Chrissie jealous.

Really, I didn't.

-I'm not some kind of bike, you know?

-I don't think that.

I know your type, I can see straight through you.

You'd never date a girl that you couldn't take home to mummy and daddy.

Honestly, you might act like you're down with the kids

but you are about as straight as they come!

Right.

Erm...

How we doing with Miss Northcotte's discharge?

Well, I contacted the brother

and he said he hasn't spoken with her in years

and that if she darkens his doorstep that he'll set the dogs on her.

I think she was making fun with you?

There's a tear in the liver.

-Crumbs!

-It's difficult to locate, need your help.

-Absolutely.

-Suction!

-Getting stuck in on day one.

Best way. 4.0 Prolene, please.

-You got it?

-Give me a chance, I just got here.

Found you, little horror.

Sutures.

-You on him?

-Yeah, got it.

Stabilising.

Many hands make light work.

Good effort, team. As always, great teamwork.

Is it now? I can't see...

Yes.

Time of death...

17.04.

I slept the whole way through.

I never saw her.

And then my heart broke.

-Can I show you my book?

-Of course.

It's in my bag.

I've not shown anyone that.

It's lovely.

PHONE RINGS

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, it's my boss, she's on my case.

No, no, it's mine.

-Who is it?

-Ian?

Really?

Hello?

Oh, thank you.

Yes, I know.

Erm...actually I'm in the hospital.

You know the heart thing? It got worse.

No, no, it's fine.

I'm not on my own.

OK. Bye.

My husband.

Entryism, learnt it in the '50s.

Play along until you get your own way?

People see what they want to see,

"Yes, doctor, no, doctor, Three bags full doctor."

There are ways of getting your point across.

I'm a fundamentalist, I'm afraid.

You're not going to keep you in here for three months.

No, you're right. The infection's spread.

-There's crepitus in the wound.

-Is that the smell?

Gas gangrene.

We'll have to remove the infected muscle.

-We might have to amputate below the knee.

-OK.

-OK?!

-I'll get a false leg.

-Or stilts!

-Prosthesis have advanced in recent years

but that's still MONTHS of recuperation and physio.

Please understand how serious this is.

Of course I do. You've seen them, haven't you?

At the rehabilitation centres?

Limbs blown off by IEDs?

Yes, I have.

So...if this is my war...

..and this is the effect.

What must real war be like?

Just a question.

BEEPING

-What happened?

-Cardiac tamponade. Almost certain.

-Just like that?

-Yup.

-OK, let's clear theatre.

No, not till we get a heartbeat. Shock 150, stay clear.

-Wake up! Stand clear!

-Sorry.

150.

No output. Shock again, 150. Stand clear.

150.

-No output.

-Let's go anyway.

-No, no point.

-OK, we're good.

-I'll page the locum.

-Nope, I want you.

Least I avoid a Saturday.

I was trying a viable alternative to save a limb.

It was never going to work.

There's a strong principle that surgery should be a last resort.

You should get a banner, set up outside the cathedral!

If I thought that it would do any good.

See what happens when you let things to fester?

I dealt with the Mary-Claire situation rather well, I thought.

-I'm not talking about Mary-Claire.

-All right, point made.

-What do you suggest I do?

-Be true to yourself.

"Be true to yourself", "no more war", "drop the debt",

"fight the cuts", "troops in", "troops out", "it's all about oil".

It's all talk and it annoys me. What do I actually do?

-Come out.

-No.

I don't want a different life. I want what I have.

My family, my friends, my career...

-You can still have those things, it's not the '50s, Dan.

-Really?

-How many top surgeons are openly gay?

-Apart from me?

I mean senior guys. FRCS guys.

Well, there's that ancient neurosurgeon dude,

I'm swear he looked at me sly!

What, the guy who did the lobotomies?

-He was probably looking for a cure.

-It's never held me back.

It's less threatening in a black guy.

You were never one of them in the first place.

Quickly. Suction.

4.0 Prolene.

How...? I mean, SO quickly?

She isn't exactly strong as an ox is she?

No.

That's it.

-BP's Rising.

-Doesn't matter, been too long for the brain.

No reaction.

Ice.

-Do it, ice.

-No!

-Therapeutic hypothermia.

-No!

-It will work.

-Too untested!

Bring her down to 33 degrees.

No, NO, guinea pigging!

-I promise you it'll work!

-I haven't read it, I don't know it!

Fine, let her die.

-She doesn't stand a chance.

-She stands a tiny chance. Please.

OK, ring Naylor...ask her.

Please.

OK, let's do it.

How was the safety course?

Well, let's just say this was more interesting.

It's a shame we didn't get him up here sooner.

She helped you out and you don't even say thank you.

-I said thank you.

-I didn't see it.

-Well, then you need glasses.

Look, I'm sorry I didn't kiss her calculating ass.

You misread her.

She's genuinely interested in my career.

Pretty naive for a cynic.

It's just the end of my rotation.

So you told her, why not me?

I just kind of wanted to see if you would bother to find out. Now I have the answer.

-So, where are we going from?

-Knee down.

-Reckon she'll give it up?

-Nope.

Reckon it'll take a nuclear winter to get her off the pitch.

Stick to a position, even if it rots you from the inside.

So, come on, all the guys want to know.

You and Mary-Claire. She the one, is she?

Not discussing my private life, sorry to disappoint, guys.

What I do in my bedroom is all my business.

Saw.

BUZZING

Orthopaedics. REAL men's work!

Let's plug it in.

OK, let's party. Talk me through this.

If we can bring her down to 33, her brain might just recover.

-Jeez, I can't believe we're doing this.

-Pack it in tight here.

OK...

Now give her of 30ml four degrees cold saline per minute.

Thermometer, please.

What's the reading?

33 degrees.

What next?

We wait.

You look nice.

Girls got me this on my hen do, it's all I had.

Look even better in a smaller size!

Don't need a spleen to be saucy then?

So, you going to come round every night and cook me dinner till I'm better, or what?

If I cook for you, you'll be back in here!

THEY CHUCKLE

I'm sorry I ruined your day.

-It went good, bad and then good again.

-Yeah, but...

I should have said something before.

You did though, didn't you? Just not with words.

I tried.

I feel daft in this.

-Who wants to be the wife of a jailbird psycho?

-Yeah.

But, "Mrs Savage"...

..that could be my wife's name too, couldn't it?

No, it doesn't come with a foot rub.

Sounded better on paper, maybe.

Nice, you come down specially to rub it in?

No, I came to wish Dr Petrenko well.

You do know, I presume, it's the end of her rotation?

Of course, I'm her boss.

You buy the pins yourself?

It does look old fashioned, I agree,

but we might have an applicant without internet access, or something.

Hm, a blind 90-year-old perhaps?

As I said, it's an open field. Nothing is decided.

Excuse me, do you mind if I interrupt for a minute?

-You're the big boss man, yeah?

-It's been rumoured.

Give this bloke a pay rise. He's sorted my life out good and proper.

Thank you, I'll bear your feedback in mind at appraisal time.

-It was nothing. Splenectomy, went well.

-No, it's not nothing.

I am very pleased to see you back at the top of your game.

How's Ms Broadhurst?

Yeah, she's all right, barely saw her.

INCREASING BEEPING

I think you've done it.

Yes!

Ah, busted! Don't sneak off!

-Why not?

-Well, I organised leaving drinks for you in the bar.

-It was supposed to be a surprise but...

-No you didn't.

Eddi wouldn't have gone to the gym. Eddi hates the gym.

Oh! Yes, yes, fine. But, but, I did get you a present.

-Really?

-Hm-mm. Two tickets to La Boheme.

Yeah, it's those opera tickets that you get in case you get a date.

No, this would not be a date.

-No, because you only date women under 25.

-I do not! Lulu was 26.

-All right, come on, what do you want?

-Maybe cash for the value of the tickets?

Sorry...

Are we doing pressies now? Only...

I know it's lame but it's the best I could do in the time.

It's not lame, it's great!

-Hope you don't think I'm an ego maniac!

-No, thanks!

Sorry.

I'm going to miss you, Petrenko.

Can't believe I just said that.

-Bye, see you tomorrow.

-Yeah. Erm...

I did say thank you earlier, right? For theatre?

Well, not with words but we're all very busy.

Sometimes pleasantries get dispensed with. Just how it is.

Well, they shouldn't and I should've remembered my manners so...thank you.

You're welcome. Everyone speaks very highly of you,

-so I assumed it's just a bad day, or something.

-Won't happen again.

Actually, I love nothing more than a ding-dong about a case.

It doesn't have to be personal, does it? It's just a battle of wits?

-Exactly.

-You know, obviously it's competitive

but people don't need to get hurt.

That's a very good philosophy.

So, if I apply for clinical lead?

May the best man win.

Good luck.

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