Personal Injury Holby City

I'd like you to begin work back on Keller, please.

Um...I don't think so.

-Tell anyone and I'll deny it.

-Tell them what?

That it's not just Freya's heart that's bigger than it looks?

Bye, then.

-The M and M show taking over your blocks.

-What?

M and M - you and me. See what I did there?

She'd be better with people who know what they're doing. I'm not fit.

You're on your own.

As far as I'm concerned, you're better off that way.

-BP's dropping. He's collapsing.

-Almost there.

-You're losing him.

-No, I'm not.

Beep, beep, beep, beep...

I can do without the sound effects, you know.

-Trying to make it authentic.

-Trying to put me off, more like it.

-Careful - you're going to nick an artery.

-Want to bet?

-Yeah. Sure, name the stakes.

-Let me lead on your next case.

-And if you lose?

-That ain't going to happen.

-Ah.

We got an incoming from AAU. RTA.

-Saved by the bell.

-Yeah, you were.

I was wondering where that got to.

-Keepsake.

-I'm touched.

Paeds nurses are getting worried you'll put them out of a job.

Doesn't hurt to be vigilant.

Ah. So that's why you're here at least twice a day.

Yeah, you got me - I'm going that extra mile

because her adoring little face tugs at my heart strings

and makes me feel soft and gooey inside.

Sounds more like it.

So long as you don't lose that delightful hard-as-nails exterior.

"Delightful"?

From certain angles.

Is this your attempt to flirtation?

More an expression of professional concern.

Paeds can be an emotional minefield,

especially when you're not used to it.

-Keep your guard up.

-I thought you paeds guys were soft and cuddly.

Only on the outside.

On the inside, we're all ice.

-You don't have to worry about me.

-Good.

What?

Rumblings from social services.

Questions about her medical status,

whether she's ready to be discharged.

Sounds like wheels in motion.

I doubt Freya will be with us for much longer.

PAGER BEEPS

Well, the ice queen has been paged.

-I wouldn't have nicked that artery.

-We'll never know.

-Trust me, I know.

Besides, you're shipping out. It makes sense for me to take the lead,

-ease the pressure off.

-Thoughtful.

-I'm all heart.

All right.

-OK, what have we got? You his partner?

-I'm his wife.

-If you wait over there, we'll let you know...

-I'm staying here.

OK. Ten milligrams of epinephrine ready, please.

Check blood results

and let's increase IV fluids while we wait for the blood.

-All right, we've got occipital bruising.

-Tension pneumo.

HEART MONITOR BEEPS

BEEPING STOPS

He's stabilising.

Thank you. Thank you.

OK. We'll run some tests. We'll get back to you.

Chase bloods, request an MRI and head CT scan. 15-minute obs.

Not bad.

"Not bad"? Please.

-What do you want, a gold star?

-You know what I want.

You are like a dog with a bone. You think you can handle it?

-That ain't even a question.

-Prove it. It's all yours.

You have got to be kidding me. How the hell did she get in here again?

A fortuitous alignment of opportunity.

We have a gap in the schedule. She has aortic stenosis.

Yes, and four stone of excess blubber

we insisted she lose before we even scrub up!

Nevertheless, I'm booking her in for an AVR for 3pm this afternoon.

-I'm sorry - I'm busy.

-Not according to your list.

I'm not performing elective surgery

on a patient who won't even meet us halfway, Elliot.

Jac, she assures me that she's done everything she can to lose weight.

PACKET RUSTLES

So things are all right now?

Yeah.

Sure?

I've never been happier.

I'm simply suggesting a calorie-controlled diet,

regular exercise,

and maybe less chocolatey-themed reading material.

-We appreciate that it's difficult.

-She doesn't.

But if you must snack between meals,

try to make it, you know, fresh fruit, vegetables.

In any case, you are nil by mouth,

so you shouldn't really be snacking at all.

Should I take my jewellery off?

-Yes, that'll make all the difference(!)

-What is your problem?

Ms Naylor.

Fattist. That's what you are.

OK, lovely, thank you.

Right, you have put on a stone since we last saw you.

-JAC SIGHS

-I don't understand it.

-I've been trying really hard.

-Yeah(!)

Excuse me.

Jac, a little sensitivity wouldn't go amiss.

Whether or not she's put on a pound or two

doesn't change the fact that the stenosis

is putting a dangerous strain on her heart.

So is the fat.

OK. Run an echo and ultrasound. We'll keep her in overnight

and we'll reassess her for surgery tomorrow morning.

Ahem.

Terry, a job for you.

-Discharge Princess Fiona in there.

-Sure.

-Can't you do this any faster?

-You don't want scarring.

I don't care, I just want to go and check on my brother.

He's in safe hands. You'll be able to go up in a minute.

Hi.

Agency brought me in. Take the load off your back.

-Hi.

-Hey.

Nice to see you again.

I've given him colloid fluid replacement and got his bloods.

That helps stabilise his hypovolemia

until we've seen the results of the scan.

How serious is it?

I won't know for sure until we've seen the scans,

but please try not to worry.

We'll do everything we can to...

How is he?

They don't know yet.

The car came out of nowhere. It...

I'm Paul.

Adam's brother.

Antoine Malick,

your brother's doctor.

Mr Langley?

Sister...Williams.

I'll take a quick look at your hand before the doctor sees you.

I'd have gone to your A&E, but it seems a bit out of use.

Yeah, we had a fire. Right, how did you do this?

Mugger. Tried to nick my wallet. Designer, that is.

Chased the toerag down. Twice as big as me.

We gave each other a couple of kicks before the Old Bill arrived.

-Does it hurt anywhere else?

-No. The ambulance guys checked me over.

Wouldn't waste your time there, love.

They've obviously only got eyes for each other.

What you need is a real man.

-Ms Winters. Can I help you?

-I've come for my daughter.

You can't just stroll back in and take her away.

-Social services say I can.

-Oh, really?

My mum's moving in with me.

-Going to take some of the pressure off.

-Look, I can't let you.

-Leave or I'll call security.

-You can't do that. Social services said...

And where are they? Where's your fictitious mother, for that matter?

All I see is a desperate woman

trying to snatch back the baby she abandoned in the first place.

-You don't know anything about me.

-I know all I need to know.

Besides which, I don't care what social services said.

I'm your daughter's specialist. My say-so trumps theirs. Leave. Now.

Stephen seems a little distracted today.

-Does he?

-You haven't noticed?

-He can't take his eyes off you.

-What?

-Don't pretend you haven't seen.

-I haven't.

-Why are you being evasive?

-I'm not.

Look, even if he has been staring, what difference does it make?

We talked about this.

You have got nothing to worry about.

Ever.

I'm sorry. I don't know what's got into me today.

Mr Langley, the X-ray shows you have a fractured wrist

and three broken knuckle bones.

None of them are too badly displaced.

-You should see the other bloke.

-I don't doubt it.

Can you move the tips of your fingers for me?

She single?

Didn't you notice the engagement ring?

Got a blind spot where they're concerned.

It's a big enough. Cost me an arm and a leg.

-Sorry, mate. Didn't realise.

-No worries.

You've ruptured a flexor tendon.

We'll leave it, let the bone heal naturally.

You're the boss.

Ten milligrams of morphine for the pain,

and a strap for the hand, please.

Congratulations.

You and the...

dandy.

Pupil reaction.

Good indication of mid-brain function. Looks promising.

-You been checked over?

-I'm fine.

You hit your head, you'll need a CT.

I said I'm fine. I saw someone downstairs.

Just take care of my brother.

Mrs James, if you don't mind,

there are some forms you need to fill in at the nurses' station.

It'll just take a minute.

-Thank you for not...

-Outing you?

What am I going to do? Fling my arms around you, kiss you on both cheeks?

-Not quite your style.

-Exactly.

Sure you're OK?

Any dizziness? Nausea?

HE TUTS

I'm just checking.

Maybe later...

-if you like, we could grab a coffee.

-I don't think so.

No offence.

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's cool.

You got a lot on your mind.

Don't need anything else on your plate right now. I respect that.

Thank you.

So, a porter will be here in a couple of minutes to take him down to CT.

I'll see you both once he gets back.

Social services are signing off

on the final paperwork this afternoon.

They made it clear to Ms Winters she's not to come back till then,

when she'll be accompanied by a social worker.

What happens when the going gets tough and she abandons her again?

They have decided she's a good enough parent.

Like they never make mistakes.

-And with her mother easing the burden...

-The burden?

Having a child's always a burden, Jac.

That's what makes it so terrifying -

so terrifying that sometimes young mothers make mistakes.

Doesn't mean we have to judge them for it.

Why don't we address the real issue here, Sean -

-what's best for Freya?

-I know you've grown close...

This has nothing to do with my feelings.

..but the bottom line is, it's been decided what's best for Freya,

and it's outside of our jurisdiction to intervene.

Leave this one alone.

Social services, please.

Yes, this is Jac Naylor,

cardiothoracic consultant at Holby City Hospital.

I'm afraid we won't be able to discharge Freya Winters just yet.

We'd like to keep her in for more observation.

Help!

My chest.

-It feels tight.

-OK, OK.

Why have you got your coat on?

She's just discharged me.

Nurse. Usual bloods. 30-minute obs.

And help Ms Bryers get undressed.

Two seconds after you left,

I caught her ferreting in the bin for those crisps.

-I made myself perfectly clear.

-And I only acted in her best interests.

By turning her away?

Look, if she can manage to lose weight,

not only will it reduce the severity of the stenosis,

but it will lessen the chance of post-op complications.

Questions will be asked as to why we are operating against guidance.

So unless Santa is going to bring us some extra funding...

We are surgeons, not accountants.

These days, we have to be everything bar the porter, Elliot.

Even if I were to concede your point, Ms Naylor,

given her present symptoms,

discharging her now would be negligent, wouldn't you agree?

Reluctantly.

Arrange her stress echo.

SHE SIGHS

-Can you do me a favour?

-Mm-hm.

Could you stop staring at me?

What?

I've seen you. Chrissie's seen you. Please stop.

Sorry. Didn't mean to ruffle the nest.

What are you doing here? You're no use with a fractured wrist.

-My doctor sanctioned a phased return...

-Meaning what?

That all you're good for is filling in forms and changing IVs?

Nice to know we nurses are appreciated(!)

Our admin's pretty much sorted here.

Why don't you go and see if they need a hand on Keller?

Because I'm not assigned to Keller,

and because your admin's far from sorted.

I'm here to do a job.

Don't worry, if my wrist starts playing up,

-I know where to come for some TLC.

-Knock it off.

Just take it easy.

Mr Langley's showing signs of a delayed concussion.

He says he's fine, but he won't let me examine him.

Right, well, we'll monitor him till the end of the day, keep an eye.

-So what you on, then? The lettuce diet?

-Sh!

Got wrists like twigs.

Or maybe it's the "stuff your face then throw it all up later" diet?

Bulimia nervosa is a very serious condition,

and using it to score points in your petty little defence

is at best distasteful, and at worst, repugnant.

-Mm. Still...

-Still what?

No matter what we do here,

in the end the only argument that wins is this -

you're fat. Lose weight.

Eat less, move more.

Calories in, calories out. It's not rocket science.

It's not just about diet and exercise, though, is it?

-I mean, there's genetics.

-Oh, yeah, here we go.

-It's true.

Everyone has a genetic disposition towards a certain body type.

I've read about it.

You just happen to have the "ginormous" gene, is that it?

You know, I bet I could snap your tiny little neck.

If you're threatening me with violence,

I'll have to report you.

-Lucky for you, I'm a pacifist.

-Phew(!)

Jac.

Ms Bryers' echo.

Maybe in the future,

you'll think twice about judging people for their weight.

Hey, consultants don't wear blank expressions.

We leave that to the CEOs.

-What's the problem?

-Just thinking about the case.

-And?

-Should get the results of the MRI and head CT through any minute.

All right.

-You sure everything's OK?

-He's waking up.

Hey, welcome back, Mr James. You're at Holby City Hospital.

You've been in a car accident. Do you remember?

-Is my brother OK?

-Always said you were a lousy driver.

-Hey. How are you feeling?

-Like I've just wrestled a lion.

-Where are the kids?

-They're with my sister.

What about me? What's the damage?

Well, we've run a CT and MRI. We need to take a look at the results

but you're awake, you're talking. It's a good sign.

You heard the man. Enough of that. Come here...

I'll be back to give you an update.

Thank you.

Abdominal bleeding due to renal trauma.

Possible brain contusion.

I'm going to keep an eye on it. Some abdominal distension.

-Fluid output's low.

-Options?

-Open procedure. Take out the kidney.

-Safest way to stop a re-bleed.

-Yep. OK, look.

This will turn into a big operation. Are you sure you're on top of it?

-Because if you want out...

-I'm all over it.

-Don't let me down.

-'Everything all right?'

-Yep. Why wouldn't it be?

-Just you seem a bit...

-What?

-I don't know. Anxious?

I've got a wedding coming up.

-How's that all going?

-Great. Couldn't be better.

-Great.

So what were you talking to Dan about earlier?

Nothing much.

-Looked very intense.

-What are you suggesting?

-You tell me.

Are we about to have a cat fight?

Cos if we are, will you let me put my nails on first?

Do you think this is funny?

-I'm don't really know what to think.

-He's my fiance.

I know that.

Then I'd appreciate it if you stopped acting like a predatory...

Predatory what?

Nothing.

No, please. Don't hold back. Fire away.

Is something going on between you and Dan?

HE VOMITS

-Pregnant?

-Eight months.

And a boy, by the looks of it.

The tightness you felt was a Braxton Hicks contraction.

It's your body getting ready to deliver.

The pregnancy is exacerbating the stenosis,

and it's probably why you couldn't lose the weight.

I didn't think I could...

You know, not with my weight issues.

Didn't you feel the baby moving?

No, not really.

I probably thought it was wind.

I'll have someone from maternity to come and take a look, OK?

Yeah. Thanks.

Congratulations.

Is he going to be OK?

From what we can tell, he's in perfect health.

Unlike his mother.

Don't worry.

I'm going to do everything I can to help you.

Both of you.

Jac.

A word.

-Are you sure you didn't bump your head?

-Nah.

-Must be coming down with something.

-Any headache?

-Not that you'd notice.

Really. I'm fine.

Well, we'll send you for a head CT, just to be on the safe side.

-Dan...

-Could you sort out a head CT for Mr Langley, please?

Sure.

Think I know why he won't let you examine him. It's the hair. Look.

Slight mismatch in the colouring. Little too thick at the top.

-You think it's a toupee?

-I'd put money on it.

Well, the CT will tell us what we need to know.

Listen, I'm sorry...

Not to worry.

-I didn't ask...

-Really, it's fine.

Ms Hitchins in bed six needs an increase in her morphine.

Could you up it to ten milligrams, please?

And could you keep an eye on Mr Davies in bed seven?

His BP's a little high.

Thank you.

A nephrectomy? You'll take out my kidney?

It's not as bad as it sounds.

You can live a perfectly normal life with just one kidney.

There's no other way?

Not if it doesn't stop bleeding on its own -

which at the moment, it doesn't seem to be.

There must be another way.

-Not without risking your life.

-What choice have you got?

-Is there something else I should know?

-No.

-That's not true.

-It's a family matter.

If it's got something to do with your husband's medical condition,

-then I should know.

-It's nothing to do with his condition.

-Then what?

It's a private matter. Do the operation.

Do what you have to do to save his life.

Excuse me.

-What's wrong?

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-Don't lie. I know you.

-You haven't known me for five years.

I can easily pull your records and find out, but I'd rather you...

End stage renal failure. OK?

And your brother is a live donor?

-This doesn't change anything.

-No?

A nephrectomy is the safest option.

-Yeah, for him.

-That's all that matters.

Call them back. Tell them you made a mistake.

In my clinical opinion, she needs further observation.

I'm the paeds consultant. That's my call.

Yes, and I'm the CT specialist

who operated on her less than five weeks ago.

-I think I have a say.

-What are you hoping to achieve?

The same thing I hope to achieve with all of my patients -

their wellbeing.

This isn't about Freya's wellbeing, though, is it?

-You can't delay her discharge forever.

-I'm not trying to.

Then what's your endgame? Take her home? Keep her for yourself?

-Now you're being ridiculous.

-Am I?

-I'm just doing my job.

-Being vigilant? Hm.

-Well, someone has to.

You honestly think they're making the right decision?

Yes. She belongs with her mother.

Where was her mother when I was holding her daughter's heart

between my fingertips?

This isn't a debate.

Call social services, or I will.

Any more contractions since the last one?

No. Is that good or bad?

Neither. Braxton Hicks are pretty common. Nothing to worry about.

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-Sorry.

Thought I'd switched that off.

-Do you like hip-hop?

-Er, not really my cup of tea.

Progress?

No sign of foetal distress.

With her aortic stenosis, a C-section would be the better option

than inducing labour - when we do that depends on her heart condition.

We can discuss the caesarean later, when you're nearer your due date,

but in the meantime we'll keep an eye on you in the antenatal clinic.

Are you sure he's an obstetrician?

-He looks about 12.

-I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

-Are you sure you know what you're doing?

-Excuse me?

Wouldn't it be safer to at least keep her in maternity

until she's delivered?

You're Jac Naylor. I've heard about you.

"The consultant who must not be named." I thought you were a myth.

I am very much real.

Well, unless you're about to magic a bed from a thin air...

So why don't you wave your magic wand and perform a caesarean?

I'm not convinced that's indicated just yet.

She has aortic stenosis, weight issues...

-Personal space!

-What?

Personal space, if you don't mind.

I took an assertiveness training course.

Helps in conflict resolution-type situations.

Trust me, the only way to resolve this particular conflict

is to do things my way.

Ms Naylor, I've listened carefully to your point of view,

and I value your input.

However, I believe my clinical opinion is equally valid -

if not more so, given that this is my specialism.

Therefore, I must kindly request that you butt out.

Hmm. The last bit was more aggressive than assertive.

Sorry about that.

-Let me check you over.

-I'm not your patient.

You've been in an accident, under stress -

it could impact your condition.

If I don't get a kidney, I'm dead - that's my condition.

Nothing you can do is going to change that.

You don't know what I can do.

Ah, yeah - you'd love that, wouldn't you?

Swooping in to the rescue.

This isn't about me.

It's always about you.

Paul, I'm just trying to do my job.

Don't lie to me. I know YOU too well.

I've really messed things up with Dan.

-Yeah, how's that?

-Paranoia,

-groundless accusations. Tell me I'm being stupid.

-You're being stupid.

It shouldn't make any difference, right?

He's either a man who cheats or he's not. Why am I so worried, then?

You know what, Chrissie? Grow up.

You should be talking to Dan about this, not me.

-BP's looking good. You had any more contractions? Any pain?

-No.

Supposing my heart gives out before he's born?

Well, like Mr Tyler said,

we'll be monitoring you in the antenatal clinic.

Yeah, but I don't live in the clinic. Supposing something happens at home?

I live alone.

No-one to call an ambulance.

It's probably best not to imagine worst-case scenarios.

All I worry about is worst-case scenarios.

Can't you just...

perform a caesarean? Get him out now?

That's not Mr Tyler or Mr Hope's recommendation.

But is it yours?

I mean, what would you do? If you were me?

I'd have the caesarean, followed by the AVR.

Then that's what we'll do.

'Doors opening.

'Lift going up.'

You had dialysis yesterday. That's why you're so weak.

Look, if you won't let me check you over,

let me get another doctor to look at you.

Will you just stop?

-I'm trying to help.

-I know what you're doing. Don't.

You can't make up for what you did.

I was 25. It was my first proper relationship.

-Mine, too. Thanks very much.

-So what, you want me to say sorry?

We were together for two years,

and you broke up with me in a one-minute phone call.

Barely an explanation. Just, "Thanks for everything. See ya."

I'm surprised you didn't send a text.

If I could explain...

I would.

I'll give you an explanation.

You're a coward.

That doesn't change the fact that you still need to get checked over.

Do it for your brother.

The last thing he needs is to see you collapse right in front of him

before he goes into theatre.

Jac, Jac...

why have you booked Ms Bryers in for a Caesarean

AND an AVR for tomorrow morning?

Because it's what she wants.

We still do what the patient wants, don't we?

Being flip won't help your case, Jac.

-She was worried about the baby. She pressed me...

-Pressed you?

Yes, so I gave her another option. She took it.

And of course you've explained in detail the risks involved?

-Of course.

-We will see.

Ms Bryers.

Ms Naylor informs me that you've opted for a caesarean

AND an AVR.

-That's right.

-Right, she did explain that a caesarean

carries a higher risk of bleeding,

cos you'll need to be anticoagulated for the AVR?

It'll strain your heart, which could lead to...

She's told me all this.

I just want to be absolutely sure that you understand.

This way provides the safest outcome for my baby. Correct?

Yes, but that is not our only consideration.

It is mine.

These books I read - chocolate-themed or otherwise -

sometimes, when I'm in bed at night,

I read them out loud. I know it sounds silly.

But I do.

Because I imagine that I'm reading to my little boy or girl,

all snuggled up beside me.

And now he's real.

He's almost here. And I'm going to do everything I can to protect him.

Because I'm his mother.

That's my job.

Not yours.

Mine.

She understands.

Very well.

Excuse me.

She insisted on seeing you.

It says on your notes you've been on dialysis for four years.

Yeah. Bummer.

I make it into the office everyday.

Do mostly the legal and admin stuff.

Had to give up the gym, but can still manage a run once in a while.

That's good.

Look, I'm not happy with your SATS.

I want to send you for an MRI.

No, I'm all right.

It won't take long.

This is as much as I'm going to let you do for me. OK?

As I said to social services,

I'd just like to keep her in for observation.

Observation of what?

She's recovering from major heart surgery. Didn't you get the memo?

She's all right, not in danger?

No imminent danger. Assuming, of course, she isn't abandoned again.

-Jac...

-Sean.

That's what this is about.

Look, I'm pretty busy here so if you don't mind...

Look at me.

I said, look at me!

I shouldn't have left her. It's the worst thing I've ever done,

I'll live with it my whole life.

But you have no right to keep my baby.

How about your baby's rights? Don't they count?

She has a right to be with her mother!

I think this consultation's over. Thank you for stopping by.

-Don't walk away!

-Will I have to call security?

No. You're not going to do that.

-Aren't I?

-No.

-Do it. Have me dragged out, kicking and screaming.

I don't care. I just want my baby.

Ms Naylor, I've examined Freya,

and in my opinion, she's fully recovered.

And I intend to say as much to social services.

Of course, if you differ in your opinion,

then we can have a third opinion. And a fourth.

And a fifth, if necessary.

Is that how you'd like to proceed?

-I'd at least like to keep her in overnight.

-Why?

Just to be on the safe side. You've been AWOL a month.

One more night won't make a difference.

Come on.

You're booked in tomorrow morning.

I'll talk you through the procedure first thing,

and answer any questions you might have.

Why did that woman accuse you of keeping her baby?

Unfortunately, some mothers aren't fit to take care of...

Am I?

What if I can't do it? My weight, my heart...

Are you going to keep my baby, too?

Her case is completely different.

How?

It's complicated.

So this is where you've been hiding.

May I sit?

I'm not hiding.

I'm sorry.

It's taking me a little bit longer than I thought

to get used to the idea.

I understand.

It's taken me a while to get used to the idea, too.

38 years.

But we're getting married in two weeks

and I'm running out of ways to tell you how much I care about you.

If I'm not saying it right,

if there's something else I should be doing,

then please tell me, cos I'm out of ideas.

I'll get there. I just need time.

What if you can't?

I told you the truth because I love you

and because I thought you had the right to know who you were marrying.

But if you can't handle it, you can't even trust me...

I can.

Be honest with yourself, Chrissie...

for your own sake.

The last thing I want is for you to be unhappy.

And if marrying me ends up making you feel that way...

..I'd never forgive myself.

Think about it.

Was hoping you might have some ideas.

I've got an idea. Perform the nephrectomy.

What about a partial?

-Remove the damaged part, leave the rest.

-What if he gets a re-bleed?

-Then I open him up.

-Too dangerous.

Do you know the stats

for black patients waiting for organ transplants?

Yeah. I know. Miserable.

Last year, out of over a thousand deceased donors, nine were black.

Nine. You know how many black patients on the waiting list?

Over 13,000.

So that means what? We risk one brother to save another?

That's not our choice.

And you would rather leave the decision with the anguished wife,

the sick brother, or the critically injured patient?

What's wrong with you?

You need to go back, take Ethics 101.

Just wanted to explore all the options.

Well, consider them explored.

Sometimes life just screws you over. No reason, no apologies.

Just bam "take that".

Who knows better than a personal injury lawyer? See it every day.

So do I.

Maybe you shouldn't be doing this. Let another doctor take over.

-No.

-Antoine...

Like you said, your brother's my patient. Not you.

Not as simple as that, though, is it?

As long as I stick with the dialysis, I can survive for years.

-Surviving ain't the same as living.

-Maybe I'll get lucky. Get a donor.

I'm OK with this. Whatever happens.

-What does that mean?

-I'm bored. I'm so bored, man.

Dialysis three times a week, sometimes for hours on end.

After four years of that...

..detective novels and crossword puzzles

start to lose their entertainment appeal.

-Doesn't mean you give up.

-Why not?

My life has become one big waiting room,

and I've got no idea if or when it's going to end.

And sometimes... I just want out.

Just out. Don't care where.

So whatever happens, I am OK with this.

Excuse me.

Mr James...

I think there might be a way to save both of your kidneys.

Social services, please.

This is Jac Naylor at Holby City.

I'm just calling to confirm that Freya is well enough

to go home with her mum today after all.

Yeah, I'm sorry for the confusion.

Look, we've still have got a lot of paperwork to do,

so if you wouldn't mind not bringing her in till 4pm,

that'd be helpful.

Thank you.

Oh. I think I need the bathroom again.

Or maybe not.

You're not doing this.

I won't watch you die, knowing I could've helped.

I'll refuse the transplant.

And let me go under the knife for nothing? You wouldn't do that.

-I promise I'll do everything I can.

-You've said enough.

Think about what you're doing. You've got a wife and two kids.

I've got no-one.

You've got us.

Think about this.

Suppose you die, and that's how I get your kidney.

How am I supposed to live with that?

I'm not going to die.

And neither are you. Ain't that right?

-Don't talk to me.

-Paul, Paul.

-You had no right!

-I can do this.

I got what it takes, I know it won't be easy.

You forget who you're talking to.

All those sleepless nights during your med finals,

sleeping, sweating, the look of fear in your eyes.

Same one I'm seeing now.

Tells me you don't know you can save my brother any better than I do.

You don't know how good I am.

-Yeah. I'm sure you're the best(!)

-I am.

And suppose you do it. Suppose you save my brother and me.

What then? A parade?

My undying gratitude?

I'm not asking for anything from you.

Yes, you are!

Paul.

You can't keep blaming me

for something I did when I was a dumb kid.

You were old enough to know the difference

between showing some respect, and kicking me in the face.

Did you even care?

Of course I did.

Within strictly defined limits.

Come on, you know how much pressure I was under.

-Med school, finals, my dad...

-I thought we were past the bullcrap!

Three weeks before you left, I told you I loved you. Remember that?

First time I said that.

I couldn't come out to my family

but at least I could be real with you, right?

And the look on your face...

there for just a second. Panic.

And then you gave me a kiss,

turned over, went to sleep.

And then you ran!

It wasn't cos I didn't feel it back.

Right, Mr Langley, I need you to let me examine your head.

My head's fine.

I think I can see some dried blood.

Are you willing to risk a serious head injury for the sake of vanity?

What're you on about?

The thing on your head. Take it off so I can look.

I can't. It's glued on.

-Glued?

-Careful!

You'll rip my scalp off.

You need to get something to dissolve the glue.

HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS

-Slight drop in blood pressure.

-Is that bad?

It's just the epidural kicking in, don't worry.

I'll give it a few seconds,

but you should be feeling numb down here now.

-Sure you don't mind this music?

-No.

Ugh. Please don't feel you have to be polite.

# Been dreaming this since I was young

# So baby girl I'll be going till I'm gone, gone

# Till I'm gone, gone Till I'm gone, gone

# Yeah... #

Thank you, Jay-Z...

but let's not traumatise the child before he's even been born.

I find hip-hop very relaxing.

How you feeling? Ready to meet your son?

Ready as I can be.

Toothed forceps.

-Feel that?

-No.

Knife.

Just try to relax. He'll be in your arms before you know it.

Right. Sack?

-Check.

-Presents?

-Check.

-Shin pads?

Check.

Vital. Right...

Remember, focus, but don't play it too rigid.

You know, roll with it. Improvise but stay in character.

Thank you, Stanislavski.

Right, good luck.

You'll need it.

Suction.

There he is. Beautiful.

Shouldn't he be crying? Why isn't he crying?

-We just need to get him breathing.

-Oh, no, no, no, no!

It's OK, don't panic, don't panic.

These things happen sometimes. He's in good hands, OK?

What are you doing with my phone?

BABY GURGLES

There you go.

BABY WHIMPERS

Oh. Ahh.

Oh, I feel...

-ALARM BEEPS

-She's bleeding.

-Susie?

Oxytocin, five units bolus and 40 units infusion.

Get some Misoprostol ready. Try to stay calm, Susie.

-It's going to be OK.

-My chest feels...feels...heavy.

She's in systolic arrest. Page Mr Hope!

This is like cement.

-Just had a regroom, hadn't I?

-"Regroom"?

At the hair clinic.

Sounds like something you do to a poodle.

They take it off, clean it up and glue it back on again.

This is what you meant by being a "real man", is it?

I'm as real as any other man. Everybody's hiding something.

Well, I think I can just about make out some bruising under this mess,

but I can't see any bleeding.

I'll need to take off the whole wig to be sure.

-It's not a wig.

-What is it?

A liquid skin monofilament hair replacement solution.

It's top of the line.

Virtually undetectable when it's groomed properly.

I wore it through two marriages. Both wives never had a clue.

-I wouldn't be so sure.

-Trust me, they didn't.

So much for honesty in marriage.

Are you really that naive?

ALARM BEEPS

-More atropine.

-There's been no cardiac output for ten minutes.

Blood's going to her brain. Look at the arterial line.

You can't rely on that. It could be an artefact.

It's not an artefact, Harry Potter!

We keep her oxygenated with compressions until I say we stop.

There's still cardiac output.

Barely.

I'm open to suggestions.

Er, we could open her up, put her on bypass.

No. If I stop massaging, we risk brain damage.

-What about a pacing wire?

-I've got no imaging.

Then we'll have to do it blind.

What were you hoping to find, exactly?

Lewd messages?

Photos?

How do you expect me to feel when you can't stop staring at him,

and whispered conversations end as soon as I come over?

Fine. You want to know the truth? Something did happen between us.

We went out for a drink, I made a pass.

I'm sorry. I'm a very bad boy. But I did it...

he turned me down.

Why did he do that?

Cos he loves you.

If that's not enough, then forgive me for saying so,

Sister Williams, but the problem's not Dan.

My shift's finished. Nice seeing you again.

'Pacing at 100.'

ALARMS BEEP

How's this for a work-out, Susie?

Your idea of revenge? Show the skinny bitch who's boss?

OK, stop.

ALARMS STOP

The heart's capturing.

Well done.

Let's close her up, get her back on Darwin, ten minute obs, please.

You look like you need a shower.

Was that inappropriate? I didn't mean with me or anything.

Have a rest. I'll take over here.

If you experience a re-bleed from what remains of the kidney,

the operation will take longer,

meaning more potential for general anaesthesia complications.

You said you could do this.

I said I'd try. I can't give you guarantees.

How about we flip a coin? Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.

-How about we both win?

-Bottom line. You got a family.

And what if you want one of your own one day?

With whoever you want.

What's that supposed to mean?

You know what it means.

We shared a room for 16 years. I knew before you did.

Figured you didn't want to talk about it.

I love you.

No matter what.

And I want to do this for you. So let me.

Please.

CURTAIN OPENS

Good news. Your head CT's come back fine.

So you can go home.

It's not sticking down properly.

You were very lucky that the mugger didn't try to rip it off your head.

Didn't give it a second thought. Good thing I didn't...

it's worth over a grand.

-A grand?

-Go through about two a year.

Nothing compared to what some women pay for Botox and boob jobs.

I don't think this is going to hold properly.

Could you pass me my wallet, please?

There's some glue in there I keep for emergencies.

Ta. Oh! Sorry.

It's my first wife.

She died.

It's the only picture I have left. There was a fire. Terrible thing.

And when that mugger tried to take my wallet this morning, well, I...

couldn't just let him.

Thank you.

Listen, if there's one thing I've learned over the years,

it's that the only memories that really stick,

the ones that last forever,

are the shared experiences. The times spent with others.

Not the things you've done on your own.

And if you've found someone who loves you, and who you love,

then don't take any notice of an old codger like me.

Dive in.

I knew it. Soft and cuddly.

I wish the kids were. One of them bit me.

Had to nip out for emergency treatment.

Well, I hope you're getting paid danger money.

If it means anything, I know it couldn't have been easy for you.

Look. No offence, but I find it difficult taking solace

from a man draped in red velvet.

You should see what I'm wearing underneath!

I worry for those children.

Why are you in such a hurry?

It's the end of my shift and I want to go home.

I was hoping you'd accompany me to the party.

It's still rocking hard.

I've had enough babies for one day.

Freya's there.

Nicole and her mum are stuck in traffic.

They'll probably be about half an hour.

Thank you.

Ah, merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!

Your turn, Jac.

She's a bit too young and I'm a bit too old.

Ms Naylor isn't too old to sit on Santa's knee, is she?

ALL: No!

No!

Come on! Come on!

Come on, Ms Naylor, come on down.

Yay!

And who is this beautiful creature?

Her name's Freya.

Ah, what a beautiful name!

Let me see what Santa has in his magical sack for little Freya.

Oh, look at this. Whoa!

-Ahem...

-Wow.

What are we doing here?

It's the only place in the hospital we won't be interrupted.

What if I said I'm over it?

I had a mad day, I went crazy, I freaked out, and now I'm over it.

And it won't happen again.

What's changed?

Let's just say I was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future.

I didn't like what I saw.

What did you see?

A lonely woman looking at a photograph of you,

and wishing she'd never let you go.

Hey, why is Mr James booked in for a laparoscopy tomorrow?

He refused to go under the knife unless we try to save both kidneys.

-He refused?

-Point-blank.

-Brotherly love, huh? All right, see you tomorrow.

-See you.

You got what you wanted.

It's what your brother wants.

How sure are you that you can do this?

100%.

No, you're not.

MUSIC: "Twice" by Little Dragon

Can you check this out for me? Thanks.

# Twice I turned my back on you

# I fell flat on my face but didn't lose

# Tell me where would I go?

# Tell me what led you on I'd love to know

# Was is the blue light

# Gone fragile

# Was it a bow at the mend?

# In wonder, steady gone under

# Was it the light ways?

# So frightening

# Was it two wills?

# One mirror holding us dearer... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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