Keeping Mum Holby City

Mum, I'm sorry, but you can't look after yourself any more.

I may have got muddled over with which patient is which.

You mean you discharged her without double checking her results?

It was a mistake, Jac.

Remember, Dave, water is the only drink for a wise man.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

You're listening to "Make Mine Medicine" with Dr Mo.

I spoke to the radio station manager,

he wants me to take over the show.

Imagine it, Elliot.

Worldwide recognition of all your hard work.

Think of the PR potential for this hospital and the Herzig.

PHONE RINGS

PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

Don't you...

Yeah, I know! She reminded me of a hamster I had when I was a kid.

Talk about a lucky escape.

I thought she was rather fetching.

Sorry to interrupt the male bonding.

Whoa! Most girls carry pepper spray.

Does anyone know who this belongs to?

Ah, there you are.

Oh, at last, someone who isn't a small boy.

Ooh, satire.

Well, you're not still going on

about your big night out, are you, lads?

-Sh, Digby's got a headache.

-I have not got a headache.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Come on.

-Where's my dad?

-He'll be back from X-ray in a minute.

Yeah, and if you want to see this gun again,

you will go and wait by his bed until he gets back.

Serena, is my feasibility study ready?

-Sorry?

-Only I need it today.

You said Friday.

Yes, that was before I decided to have on a big PR push

on the new Herzig launch.

So?

So, I need to dovetail the op with a splash about our super-centre plans.

Unless...

What?

No. No, it doesn't matter.

No, no, go on.

There's no way you'd leave something

as important as this to the last minute, is there?

When do you want it by?

Soon as.

Oh, Colette, would you mind giving me a hand?

He's like a dog with a bone when he gets a big idea.

PHONE RINGS Tell me about it.

Oh, not right now, Mother dear.

You're not ignoring your own mum, are you?

-Afraid so.

-Shame on you.

Yes, I'll burn in hell, but there you go.

Right, good luck with the deadline.

I'll need it.

SHE SIGHS

The first recipient of the Herzig Five will be...

erm, Sarah Evans. Quite a fascinating case, really.

Mrs Evans has suffered from dilated cardiomyopathy,

however, after we scheduled surgery, she had a TIA

which has left her in a...

permanently sunny state of mind.

-Morning, Sarah.

-Morning, all.

-How're we feeling?

-She's happy as Larry.

You don't mind if my students...?

Oh, no, no, no, of course.

Roll up, roll up for the Victorian freak show.

Given the lack of severity of the TIA...

erm, we felt that the best course of action

was to proceed as planned.

I can't wait.

Nothing gets in the way of your precious Herzog.

Ig.

Whatever.

Any questions?

Yes.

Is this operation going to wipe the stupid smile off her face?

I'm afraid not.

Brilliant.

The human brain is an incredibly complex organ.

On this occasion,

it's dealt us a curve-ball,

which we simply can't explain.

You've got lovely curls, haven't you?

Hell's teeth.

We're hoping that the new device

will be an improvement on the previous model

in several ways,

reducing the chance of internal bleeding, thromboembolism,

renal dysfunction and, erm...

"And" what?

Mechanical failure.

Sounds like a lot of stuff could go wrong.

The procedure will be filmed for posterity.

Be on You've Been Framed next week.

I love Harry Hill.

Filming wasn't my idea.

And your wife has consented.

Yeah, but look at her.

Who was the other one who used to do it?

You know, the one with the dodgy hand?

She's doing a village out of a good idiot.

The procedure will be available online in due course.

And I'm available all week for autographs.

You're embarrassing yourself, woman.

OK. Shall we? ..Thank you.

You fell out of a tree?

-Ahh...this was no ordinary tree.

-Really.

This was the last tree in the world

and it was our job to protect it.

Quite the eco-warriors.

When can I have my gun back?

When the doctor says so, mister.

I'll have to think about that.

He doesn't mean any harm.

When can we go?

I have to see your dad's X-ray results first.

Good job I did the driving, eh, Dad?

I beg your pardon?

We, erm, we didn't want to wait for an ambulance.

-We brought ourselves in.

-And your son drove?

Nah, he did the steering wheel a bit.

And the gears.

You're lucky you got here in one piece.

Uh-oh! Health and safety freak.

PHONE RINGS

Oh. All right. Excuse me.

PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

Oh, damn.

Oh... Hi, Mum. Sorry about that.

Call me back if it's important, OK? Bye.

Right.

Hey, Doc.

Doc!

Sorry?

This op.

What about it?

Are you sure you're not getting carried away?

Why do you mean?

Erm...just all the risks.

They apply every time we fit this device.

But should she be going under the knife at all?

Your wife's health has deteriorated rapidly.

The TIA hasn't helped,

she's not suitable for a transplant.

Our options are limited.

It's bad enough she's turned into The Joker

without snuffing it on me.

I understand you're...

I mean, are you going to be able to do the job properly

what with all these students and cameras?

Absolutely.

I dunno...

Sarah is still happy to go ahead, isn't she?

Can't get any sense out of her.

She just sits there like a Cheshire Cat in a nightie.

Must be very difficult.

Pair of us used to love vegging out,

moaning at the telly.

Really.

-Now she won't hear a word said against anyone.

-No?

No.

Not even John Barrowman.

She has consented to surgery.

She's not in her right mind.

It's for the best.

I'm not sure.

Look, I promise I will respect your wishes

if you change your minds.

Thanks. Thanks, Doc.

Today's the day!

-Erm, yes...

-Time to launch your little gadget into the stratosphere.

This is Sarah Evans' husband.

Ah, the Herzig lady?

That's not what her grandkids call her.

Nice to meet you.

I'll leave you to it.

Thanks a bunch.

Sorry.

-Professor Hope, the very man.

-Morning.

All set for phase five of the master plan?

-Erm...

-Can I book you in for a meeting?

About what?

Oh, PR people want to put a face to the name.

-Well, I'm...

-And we need to talk strategy.

-Strategy?

-12:30, my office.

Onwards and upwards.

Pow, pow.

Boom, boom.

Ka-boom!

Rat-at-at-at-at-at.

Dakka-dakka.

Schklikt boom.

Schklikt boom.

Schklikt boom. Schklikt boom. Schklikt boom.

Are you a masochist, Mr Keane?

Nah, don't bother with church.

Badum tish!

Yes, well, could you lose the face paint, please

and come back to bed.

Got your X-rays.

What's the score?

You have got a spiral humeral fracture.

And there's me thinking it was broken.

It's quite a serious injury.

-See, what I did there?

-Yeah.

You're going to need surgery.

Nah, it's no biggie.

Which will mean an overnight stay.

Can I stay, too?

Ah, I don't know mate.

But we was going on an adventure?

Were you?

I wish.

Is there someone at home who could collect your son?

There's his mum but...

Does she know you're here?

Not yet.

-I can call her if...

-No, don't.

Why not?

I said I'd bell her once I knew exactly what happened.

Well, now you do.

She's a bit of a flapper.

It's a relatively straightforward procedure,

nothing to scare the horses.

He's all right here for a bit though, isn't he?

I don't know. Kids get bored pretty quickly in hospitals.

-I'm not bored.

-See?

Yes, well, maybe not now...

-Serena.

-What?

You have a visitor.

That's the sluice room sorted.

Rather you than me.

Once you've seen one set of minging skiddy bed sheets...

Break time?

Nah.

You're making the rest of us look bad.

Things to do, bums to wipe.

Doctor Mo is on the radio in a minute.

Best place for her.

Meow.

At least I can get on with some work,

without my big sister watching over me.

The ankle's fractured, but there's no need for surgery.

Oh, thank God for that.

The boot should help the bones heal properly.

Everything OK, Barb?

Well, apart from looking like Frankenstein in this thing, yes.

We'll fit the bolts on your neck later.

-Oh! Cheeky.

-See you.

Anything else I can do for you?

Actually, there's a pair of headphones and a radio in my bag.

-Could you do the honours?

-Of course.

Want to catch that new phone-in.

Make Mine Medicine?

How did you know?

-Telepathic.

-Thanks.

-Rubbish title.

-Oh, I like it.

Each to their own.

Have you heard it yet?

Nah. Some of us have got work to do.

And as for the residents lounge,

I cannot set foot in there again.

Why?

It's like someone handed out free lobotomies.

Really?

They just go on and on about their ailments.

Oh, dear.

If it's not their backs, it's their bowels.

Ha-ha.

It's supposed to be sheltered accommodation,

not Emergency Ward 10.

Mmm...

Are you listening to me?

Absolutely.

It's lovely to see you, Mum,

but was there something in particular that you wanted?

I can't visit my own daughter?

Yeah, no, sorry. It's just I've got this report to finish,

and I'm due in theatre.

I'll be off then.

No, you don't have to go right now.

Are you sure?

Yep, I'll be back as quick as I can.

-All set?

-Yeah.

Have you back with your son in no time.

Sorry if I was a bit defensive earlier.

It's all right.

I just split with my wife.

I see...

She got custody.

This is my first official access.

Ah.

-And I end up in hospital.

-Oh, dear.

Ben's not due back till five.

Yeah, well, she should really come and collect him.

It'll be another fortnight before I see him again.

She needs to know what's happened.

I will call her later, I promise.

Just let him hang around here for a bit.

-Please.

-Fine.

Thanks. You're a star.

Dr Digby.

-Yes, Ms Campbell...

-How's the head?

Yeah, clear as a...clear thing really.

Glad to hear it.

Tough keeping up with the big boys?

Don't know what you mean.

Anyway, I have a small boy I need you to guard.

-What?

-Mr Keane's son.

Will you keep an eye on him while his father's out of action, please?

I've got quite a lot on actually...

Just do it.

Nothing more satisfying than filling out a good form.

Please, kill me now.

It'll be over before you know it.

That's what I'm worried about.

Professor Hope's the top man.

Got fingers like Cumberland sausages.

Oh, I could do with a nice fry-up.

Erm...

OK, well, if you could have any player up front

for your footy team, who'd you go for?

I dunno.

Like Rooney?

Never trust a fella with a weave.

Fair dos.

What about Messi then?

Right.

So, Professor Hope is the Lionel Messi of the NHS.

-HE SNORTS

-Could've fooled me.

'Welcome to Make Mine Medicine.'

Excuse me, sorry, can you turn that down a wee bit.

'I'm Doctor Mo and I'm here to cure your ills, aches and pains...'

Excuse me.

-Professor Hope.

-Yes.

Sarah Evans' notes...

-there's no clotting or INR results.

-That can't be right.

-Well, unless I just...

-I ordered them myself.

-OK...

-I'm certain of it.

Is there a problem?

No. There may have been a slight oversight.

Nothing to worry about.

Well, just tell me what's up.

It appears I may have omitted to run a test to check

how easily your wife's blood clots.

You mean you forgot.

We'll get them done now.

What if he hadn't noticed?

What could have happened to her?

Well, that is why we double-check.

-Could she have died?

-Absolutely not.

I thought you said he was Messi?

-I'm what?

-He is.

What're you talking about?

Do you seriously think I'm putting her life in your hands?

Sorry, Mr Evans, please.

-HE SNORTS

-Someone more important to meet?

I'm sorry this is an emergency.

And my wife isn't?

No. Of course she is.

I've had just about enough of this.

Please, Mr Evans.

We'll talk in the Family Room

when I get back, 12:30?

Can you...?

Come on, Mick.

Coffee. No, thanks.

What are you doing?

E-mailing your daughter.

Don't hold your breath for a reply.

Ellie always replies.

Lucky you.

And we do Facetime.

She's never there when I try.

-Well, she's a busy girl.

-Aren't we all.

Especially now there's a new chap on the scene.

Since when?

She hasn't told you?

Not yet.

Patrick.

Studying the Law.

Very good family.

Nice to be kept informed.

I'll tell her to call you.

There's no need.

Please yourself.

Mum, could I...could I have my laptop back, please.

All yours.

Thanks, Mum.

Where is it?

Where's what?

My report. Did you close the file?

I didn't close anything.

Come on, where are you?

It'll be there somewhere.

Did you save it?

I thought these computers saved it all for you.

Please be here.

Was it important?

It's gone.

Oh, dear.

I'll... I'll have to start again.

-Are you sure it's...?

-Yeah, yeah I'm sure.

I didn't do it on purpose.

No, I realise that, Mum.

I'll drink my coffee and go.

No, erm, you take your time.

I'll call you a cab when you're ready.

I did consider specialising in cardio-thoracics.

Do you know where she put my gun?

It's...erm...

so difficult to progress in such

a contracting field...

It was a birthday present off me dad.

She got you baby-sitting in the end then.

No, no, no...

No, it's...

Dad!

Excuse me.

Hi, Dad!

See, I told you he'd be OK.

Hope you haven't been worrying about me, mate.

I'm not going home, Dad.

-Ben...

-I want to be with you.

I know.

Ben, I need you to be brave

and look after your dad for me, OK?

-OK.

-Good boy.

Shall we get out of here?

What, now?

Soon as I'm up to it.

Yeah.

We'll go on a big adventure, yeah?

Where?

Mars, the Sahara,

you name it.

Just the two of us?

The dynamic duo.

Brilliant.

High-five.

You forgot the INR test?

I've got a lot on my mind.

You need to get a grip.

You don't think I'm aware of that?

Look, the absent-minded prof act works fine for me but...

What?

Mr Self might require a little more...

thrust.

Thrust?

If you're going to be his poster boy.

Jac, what if Mrs Evans had got into theatre?

We'd have used FFP.

I'm still no nearer to finding out

why this TIA has turned her into the world's biggest optimist.

I can do some digging if you like.

Would you?

Yeah, you concentrate on...

There you are.

The PR meeting.

Obviously had a better offer.

I'm so sorry.

-No, don't worry about it.

-Really I...

You're our resident eccentric genius.

It comes with the territory.

-Shall we go now?

-Nope, we'll do it post op.

Right.

So, what's this strategy you mentioned?

We were going to discuss how to go global with your box of tricks.

Global?

Video-links in surgery.

Well, this is very early days.

International conferences.

And I would rather concentrate on...

You still don't get it, do you?

I'm banking on selling your Herzig to the world.

Sounds phenomenal.

See you in there.

Right.

Looks like someone's making the front page of The Lancet.

You think I'm really concerned about that?

Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me what time it was?

PHONE RINGS

Oh, come on.

'Holby Cabs.'

Oh, hi. Yeah, I ordered a taxi for Holby City Hospital,

but there's no sign. Any idea...

-'What's the name?'

-Campbell.

'It's stuck in traffic.'

-You're kidding?

-'Do you want to hold on?'

No, no. That's fine. Thanks.

(For God's sake.)

You winning?

Not really.

Anything I can do?

Not really.

Is your mum OK?

Come back here. you little...

Ow! ..little guttersnipe.

You all right?

No.

-Sorry.

-What is going on?

I went to the staff room to make a cup of tea

and I found this urchin rifling through the fridge.

I needed food for me and dad.

Why?

We're getting out of here.

Really, since when?

We're going on an adventure.

What is this, Enid Blyton?

Where are you going?

Dunno. Anywhere I want Dad said.

This your idea of keeping an eye on someone?

Sorry, I...

You need to get this wrist examined.

I'm fine.

Oh, shall I...?

-No.

-It's all right, I'll sort it.

-Thanks, Colette.

Do you want to come with me?

Right, I think it might be your home time now.

Yeah, sorry to rush you, Phil,

but it's almost news time.

As for the itching, I'd suggest taking a shower

at least once a week might help,

as well as, making you a bit more popular around the office.

And if it persists your GP may need to take a look.

Hope that helps, Phil. Thanks for calling.

Right, that's all we have time for now.

Thank you very much for sharing your medical mysteries with me.

I hope I've been of some help.

Next up is the news and weather.

And remember, no matter what the problem is

from piles to porphyria,

'I've heard it all before

'so, don't die of embarrassment.'

I think I just did.

Is she still going on?

'Until next time, this is Doctor Mo, signing off for another week.

'Don't forget...'

Look after yourself so I don't have to.

Pain OK?

Yeah, not bad.

How was the show?

Oh, there was a fella rang in earlier

with a tumour the size of a...

Grapefruit?

You ARE telepathic.

Enjoyed it then.

Ah, it's like listening to the best friend you never had.

Hey, I thought that was me.

Apart from you.

You know she's my sister, right?

Who?

Doctor Mo.

Get lost.

Afraid so.

Are you close?

Like peas in a pod.

Fantastic.

Any idea when I can go home?

We'll have to ask Mr Di Lucca.

Oh, if he can bear to look at me.

-Hey!

-Sitting here with no slap on.

You're gorgeous.

I never normally leave home without my make-up.

Even in an ambulance?

Got to have standards.

We'll have to ask your bloke to bring you some at visiting.

What bloke?

Really?

I haven't had a date since the '90s!

Know what you need?

Oh, no. I'm past all that, thank you.

Adele's beauty parlour.

Oh.

Martha, it's me.

Yeah, well, not exactly.

I'm in hospital.

Ben's fine.

It's me. I've had a little accident.

I think you'd better come in.

What's his problem?

Family...

PHONE RINGS

As far as I'm concerned,

we should be trialling this Herzig on dozens of patients

before we even think about singing it from the rooftops.

Well, he's hardly booked a spread in Hello! magazine.

This is my project, I should be making these decisions.

You can't hide away in the lab for ever.

-What if it doesn't work?

-It does.

Take Mrs Evans.

There's a real risk she won't make it through theatre.

You've been handed a golden ticket, Elliot.

How is that going to look to the PR machine?

About time.

Mr Evans.

Where were you?

I've been waiting here for over an hour for you.

Have you been hiding from me?

I can only heartily apologise.

You naughty boy.

Will you put a bloody sock in it?

You promised me.

Unfortunately we had...

I forgot.

-Is that it?

-I'm afraid so.

Oh, so, she's not your number one priority any more?

She is.

I mean, look at her.

She's getting more demented by the day.

I can't guarantee to fix that problem...

How can I tell what she wants?

This procedure...

No, I'm sorry, we're pulling out.

There is a whole team preparing for theatre.

Not my problem.

-Mr Evans...

-You can't do that.

Oh, yes, I can.

He said he wouldn't go ahead without my say-so.

Forget it.

There, see the crack, just there.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah, I've treated millions of these.

I just want to go home.

Not until your wrist's sorted out.

It doesn't feel broken.

Oh, well, if it doesn't FEEL broken,

then it must be OK.

Do you find my daughter's relentless sarcasm attractive?

Don't answer that.

Everything about your daughter sends me wild with desire.

Is it any wonder the NHS is on its knees.

Is Lennie Keane on this ward?

Yeah.

-Oh, Mrs Keane?

-Yeah.

That is my fractured wrist.

Mum...

-I'm sorry...

-You ask your son how I got it.

He's over here.

Hiya.

What've you done to yourself now?

You know me, never a dull moment.

-Where's Ben?

-Toilet.

How long will he be in hospital?

Hopefully no more than 24 hours.

You should see the size of the pin they've put in my arm.

Really?

Be a nightmare getting through the airport now.

What do you mean?

Nothing, I'm just joking.

The pin will set all the alarms off in the airport.

I'll get Ben's stuff together.

Can't he wait until my time's up?

Lennie...

That'd be all right, wouldn't it?

-Well...

-See, the doctor doesn't mind.

And do what exactly?

We were playing hangman.

I dunno.

At least wait until visiting's over.

How long's that?

About half an hour.

He was in tears earlier.

-You win.

-(Yes.)

I'll leave you to it.

Thanks.

The wife signed the consent form?

Yes.

Then what's the problem?

I gave him my word.

-Ungive it.

-I can't do that.

Are you OK?

Fine.

It's just that this isn't the first glitch in recent weeks.

I can't help it if people lose their nerve.

-As long as you're not one of those people.

-Absolutely not.

You do realise how much time and effort I've put into this scheme.

Not half as much as I have...

And how much it's costing this hospital?

We'll find another patient soon enough.

No!

The launch is good to go.

If we don't stay ahead of the curve,

we might miss out altogether.

Make it happen, Elliot.

We did try to get him to call you earlier.

Lennie never takes the sensible option.

Really?

I used to think all this acting on impulse

was romantic when we first met.

And now?

Now it just seems...stupid.

Oh, well, nearly home time.

I'm dreading leaving.

Yeah, it can be tough on children to begin with.

-It's not Ben.

-No?

Lennie just won't accept it's over.

Right.

We had such a laugh before we had Ben.

But?

Life gets serious then, doesn't it?

Yes, I suppose so.

Only Lennie refused to grow up.

Ah, yes. I had a husband like that myself back in the day.

He needs a mother not a wife.

So, there's no chance of...

I can't spend the rest of my life

with a man I've fallen out of love with,

just for the sake of my kid.

-Brave decision.

-Or a cruel one.

Those pain killers are doing nothing for me.

Give them time, Mum.

Really sorry about your wrist.

Have you told this woman her ex is planning to abduct her son?

-What?

-Well, that's not quite...

Abduct him?

-Well, Ben mentioned going away...

-Away?

-..somewhere with his dad.

Yeah, some sort of adventure.

What do you mean?

Well, I'm not entirely sure,

-but they seemed to be planning...

-Right.

..a boys'...trip.

-Come on. We're going.

-Why?

-Got another ten minutes yet.

-Now!

-Mum...

-You've come up with some stupid ideas in your time,

-but this...

-I don't know what you're talking about.

They told me.

What did you tell her?

About your adventure.

-So?

-Aren't we going?

-Do you know how much trouble you could get into.

-For what?

Do you'd think last five minutes on your own with him?

-On my own where?

-Wherever you were planning to run.

-Hang on a minute!

-How can I trust you now?

-Of course you can.

I'm going to ask for supervised visits from now on.

No. No. What've you done?

I'm sorry I didn't really...

Why can't you two just get back together?

Sounds good to me, mate.

-I hate this.

-Ben.

Whoa, whoa there, soldier.

I'm feeling better already.

This is just your colour.

Do you think?

You all right..?

I am now I've had me makeover.

Good.

It's your sister's fault all this.

Sorry?

Well, she gives you these little exercises to do on her show.

And I was having a go on the stairs

and I missed me step.

Where there's blame, there's a claim.

Oh, I never thought of that.

Right, done.

Ta.

You can keep this bottle.

-No.

-No, I'm serious.

-Thanks, love.

Oh, and you'll never guess

who's been invited to the station's 25th anniversary bash...

Nice. Anyone famous going?

-Joey Essex.

-Who?

Joey Essex is what?

Rubbing shoulders with Mo at some celeb party.

Talk about Z list.

Haven't you got a nail bar to run?

Anyway...

Now you have to leave this on, all right?

For how long?

Until I say you can take it off.

I'd prefer if you didn't talk to me like a child.

Yes, Mother.

Now you're going to need to start physio pretty soon.

Anything to get me out into the real world.

If it's that bad, maybe we should start looking for somewhere else.

The flat's fine.

-But you just...

-It's the people.

They seem friendly enough.

Why am I expected to socialise just

because we all happen to be ancient?

So, keep yourself to yourself.

Oh, I do. Well then.

When I think of the life I led,

the places I've been.

All great memories.

Fading fast.

We're off.

Oh, right. Bye.

What do you say to the lady, Ben?

Sorry.

That's quite all right.

You forgot this.

Thanks.

You be a good boy for your mother.

Bye.

Got your mobile, mate?

He thinks the world of you.

I love him so much.

I can tell.

What if she meets somebody and they emigrate or something?

Oh, now come on. I'm sure that won't happen.

I couldn't bear the thought of losing him.

I'm sorry.

Got something for you.

What am I looking at?

Dash of silver dot com.

Come again?

It's a website for...

Crumblies.

Lovely, mature...

Now you're making me sound like Cheddar.

Go on. There's loads of hotties on there.

Oh, he looks like a murderer.

OK. Fair enough, how about that bloke?

Yeah. Not bad I suppose.

Not bad?

He does have a touch of the Sinatras about him.

-See?

-Adele.

-Yeah?

-What you doing?

-Nothing.

-Hand it over.

It's not, is it?

It's not what?

-It is!

-Sorry, I...

I'd recognise that voice anywhere.

Oh, right.

Do your catch phrase.

I can't...

Oh, go on. It'll make my day.

Look after yourself, so I don't have to.

I can die happy now.

You still here?

Thanks.

She's a marvel, your sister.

That's one word for her.

-She done my nails and everything.

-I noticed.

You know most people don't give you the time of day,

but she actually makes an effort.

If you say so.

Isn't it part of the job, sussing out who needs a bit of company?

Yeah, it is.

I came in here in agony,

but just for a little while

she actually made me forget my pain.

Excuse me.

Did you get my text?

-Yep.

-So, why no reply?

I...

You were too busy putting the final touches to your report?

Not exactly.

But it's done, yeah?

-No.

-I thought you said...

Yeah, but you know you can't just demand things yesterday.

You should have said this morning

if you thought it was too...

Yeah, like that was an option.

-Look, what is wrong with everyone here today?

-Sorry?

Are you trying to make me look stupid, is that it?

-No, I thought I'd get it done.

-But?

But my mother showed up unexpectedly

and got her wrist broken

by one of Fagin's little helpers.

You'll have to translate that.

It's been one of those days.

Bad timing.

Look, I'll get it finished tonight.

Where is he?

-Who?

-The husband.

I have no idea.

They're ready for you in theatre.

I know.

So, what're you going to do?

What can I do?

Forget all this my word is my bond crap and just get on with it.

-But what about...?

-Look, you leave the CEO hanging out to dry now,

you're finished here. He'll make sure of it.

Got a light, love?

Ah, sorry, mate. It's a phoney.

Like everything else in this place.

You still here?

Someone insisted on a visit to the shop.

-Nothing like a good bribe, eh?

-Yeah.

-See ya.

-Bye.

PHONE RINGS

Hello. Dad?

Where are you, Ben?

I'm outside the entrance.

What are you doing?

Looking for Dad.

Look up, son.

Look, there he is. I can see you, Dad.

Oh, my God.

Is this a cool way to say bye or what?

Yeah.

Hang on. I love you, son!

I love you, too, Dad.

Now you have nothing to worry about.

Oh, I'm not worried love, I've been looking forward to this for ages.

Good.

I know the risks,

I've got every faith in you.

And my Mick'll feel the same once it's all over, you'll see.

Everything's ready.

Excellent.

We'll need a running commentary for the PR people.

OK, let's do this.

There's really no need.

I'm driving you. The end.

-What about your report?

-Forget about it.

Serena, we've got a problem.

What?!

If something's come up, I can easily get home under my own steam.

No, it's all right. I'm calling the warden at your place.

There's really no need.

It's what we pay them for, Mum.

-Serena.

-Yep.

Hi, hi, this is Serena Campbell.

I'm calling about my mother.

I feel like a performing monkey.

Relax, have a banana.

Sorry, we didn't quite get that.

Professor Hope has just attached a tube to the aorta.

That means the oxygenated blood will be passed back

through the heart-lung machine into the artery.

OK, thank you.

Mr Keane.

What do you want?

Are you coming in?

No.

Why not?

I'm enjoying the view.

What're you playing at, Lennie?

Just wanted to say bye to Ben.

Seeing as it's two weeks before I see him again.

Look, I know you're upset,

but isn't this a bit drastic?

You frightened the life out of him.

How?

How do you think?

I'm not trying to...

Not trying to what?

I wouldn't do that.

Lennie, please, come on.

Not in front of my own son.

Caref...

Where is he?

You think I'd bring him up here?

You sound scared, love.

Please.

Now you know how I feel

having my own flesh and blood taken away from me.

Maybe now you'll listen to me for once.

We should call security.

No, no, I don't want this turning into a three-ring circus.

I am now removing the patient's heart.

Obviously.

Scalpel.

I'm making a circular incision

to the wall of the left atrium.

Herzig Five, please.

I'm preparing the atrial wall

in order to attach the device.

(Damn.)

Problem?

You've torn the atrial wall.

The INR results.

-We didn't do the test.

-Yes, we did.

-We need FFP.

-Do you remember?

-Elliot, do you want me to take over?

-No, no sorry. OK.

Cut.

Everything OK?

Yes.

Take two.

Right.

Preparing to attach the device to the atrial wall.

I don't understand why we can't at least talk about it.

There's nothing left to say.

Why do you hate me?

Can you please try and talk some sense into him.

Lennie, look, you don't want Ben

to see you taken off by the police, do you?

For what? Loving my own son?

Feeding him, dressing him, washing him?

Yeah, we can all see you're a great dad.

-How can you expect me to walk away from all that?

-I don't.

-Just because you can't stand me any more.

-That's not true.

Can't you see how unfair this is?

Well, what I can't see is how this is helping your cause.

I told you, once we get into a routine,

you can come over and babysit if I'm working or...

Babysit your own kid!

Lennie, just come in, please.

I just want to be there for him.

Can't you understand that?

OK, that's the battery pack in place.

The device is now synced with the computer.

Laptop, please.

Data's been received. Thank you.

The device is now fully operational.

Congratulations, everyone.

The Herzig Five is born.

Lennie.

What?

Look at me.

All you have to do is take my hand.

When she tells me I can see more of my son.

You need to start acting like a grown-up first.

I work hard for my family.

We know that.

-I'm a good father.

-Come on.

No, not until I get some promises.

This is just screwing up your chances of proper access.

I'm going nowhere.

Unless you put an end to this ridiculous stunt right now,

I'm calling the police.

What'll they charge me with?

I'm serious.

Loving my family?

Being a total time-wasting, bloody idiot hopefully.

-Dad!

-Ben!

Ben! Ben, no!

NO!

Help! Get a bloody doctor.

Can you hear me?

Get a couple of scoops.

HE VOMITS

Have you got a minute, love?

What's up?

Me ankle's killing me.

Do you want more pain relief?

One of the nurses already did it.

No better?

I'm in agony.

I'll get Mr Di Lucca for you.

Thanks.

Have you seen Raf?

Still in theatre.

-Right.

-Why?

-Do us a favour.

-Depends.

Could you have a look at Barbara Barry for us?

She's not one of mine.

Yeah, but she's in a lot of pain

and she is a big fan.

All right, go on, then.

Barbara, what's the problem?

My ankle's really bad.

-Ben!

-Are they alive?

-Somehow.

-Oh, my God.

-One of yours?

-Yeah.

How the hell did this happen?

Right, let's get them in and get them assessed.

Come on, let's go quickly.

Can I...can I have a word, Doc?

Right.

-It's about Sarah.

-Yes.

And the op.

Right. Look, I know I said.

I should have listened to you in the first place.

Sorry, you should...?

Life's too short.

I want you to go ahead with it.

-I already have.

-Eh?

It went well.

-But you promised you'd speak to me before...

-I know.

So, why did you go ahead...?

Well, it's complicated.

B-b-but...

She did make it?

I'm sorry I broke my word.

-But she is all right?

-Yes. Yes.

Well...

..that's all that matters.

Good.

APPLAUSE

What do you think I am, some kind of joke?

Do you?

-Talk to me, Colette.

-We've got one free theatre on Keller.

-What? Is that it?

-Yep.

Is he going to be all right?

-We're doing our best.

-What about a transfer to St James?

No, there isn't time. I want them in theatre now.

Please, save my son.

Nail varnish?

Seriously?

I know, I'm my own worst enemy.

You could have at least got one of the nurses

or Adele to strap the boot back on properly.

I think she's done quite enough.

Is there much damage?

You fastened it far too tight.

Oh, sorry.

It might have affected the realignment of the bones.

Really?

We'll book you in for another X-ray.

And in the meantime, no more makeovers.

You OK?

Not particularly.

What's up?

Guy Self and his "big push".

Well, sometimes you've just got to roll with the punches.

And there's something else.

Go on.

I don't feel right.

In what way?

All these mistakes.

Minor ones.

I'm permanently on edge.

Tough day.

My mind's a fog. Not just today.

This has been a week or two now.

You're probably just a wee bit run-down.

Not exactly the poster boy

they so desperately crave.

Stephen Hawking's no Brad Pitt.

That's not what I meant.

-Right. Come on.

-What?

I've got an idea.

The CT shows the dad's got an L1 burst fracture.

Let's get him prepped.

No, I'm taking the son in first.

-You?

-Yes.

-I've already paged another surgeon.

-What?

-Do you seriously think you're fit to operate

after what happened out there?

Guy, it wasn't Serena's fault.

-I am saving this boy's life.

-And what about his father?

It's a ruptured spleen,

I'll be out of there in 40 minutes.

Make it 20.

Fine.

Four units cross-matched.

Move it! Come on, get him in.

Looks like your mate's gizmo's done the trick.

Yep.

Seen the list of tablets she's on?

I know it seems like a lot but...

Soon be rattling for Britain.

She'll get used to it.

Maybe, she'll stop pinching mine now.

How do you mean?

Well, we've both been on them statins for years.

And she's been taking yours?

Yeah. Since she had her TIA.

As well as her own?

Just thought she needed them more than I did.

Like a wonder drug, aren't they?

Suction.

Where are you up to in here?

Just removing the spleen now.

Clock's ticking.

Statins.

-What?

-What?

What're you doing?

Blood test.

What for?

Cholesterol check.

What about statins?

I just had a quick look on Medline and excessive statin use can,

in some very rare cases,

send the patient into a state of total euphoria.

Sorry, I'm not...

Sound familiar?

Sarah Evans?

The husband's been giving her his.

She's been on a double dose for God knows how long.

-I'll get this sent to the lab.

-Right.

Thanks, Jac.

Ties.

Come on.

-Almost done.

-I need this theatre now.

One minute.

20 French Robinson drain.

So, we sorted Barbara Barry out.

-Is she all right?

-Not particularly.

Why what's...?

Your beauty parlour routine tempted her

into taking her surgical boot off.

-What?

-So, that she could do the rest of her toes.

-What?

-Yeah, so, now she might be in an even worse state

than when she arrived.

-Yeah, but I didn't tell her to...

-You didn't have to.

I was just trying to cheer her up.

Look, if you'd just stuck to your job,

none of this would have happened.

I thought my job was to look after people.

It's not about planting stupid ideas into patients' heads.

Maureen, you wouldn't talk to anyone else on the ward like this.

I wouldn't have to.

Just admit you don't want me here.

Speak up, ladies. I don't think they heard that in reception.

Look after yourself, so, I don't have to.

He's going to be all right.

I'm afraid we had to remove his spleen

and some of his ribs are broken,

but he's going to be fine.

I thought he was dead.

I know.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

How you doing, Barb?

I'll be fine.

I'm so sorry.

It's not your fault.

I should have told you to keep the boot on.

You're not a mind-reader.

Hey, I thought you said I was.

Well, at least it got me another ten minutes

with that sexy Scottish doctor.

-I'll see you later.

-See you later.

Right, 11mm peek cage, please?

How's it going?

Just another boring, humdrum day at the office.

You know, I can't wait to see

what the press make of a patient skydiving off our roof

with a child in tow.

Could you retract a bit more, please?

Uh-huh!

Well, the good news is it looks like it's just a virus.

What?

Your bloods are back.

Raised white cell count.

I could have sworn it was something more serious.

-Like what?

-I don't know.

I thought I was losing my mind.

Self-diagnosis. The enemy of medics everywhere.

Jonny, thank you. Thanks.

You're still here?

My lift's waiting for me downstairs.

I heard about that boy and his father.

Nightmare.

How are they?

Lucky to be alive.

You look exhausted.

You should go home, Mum.

I wanted to make sure you were all right first.

Thanks.

It's my golden wedding.

What?

Your father and I would have been married 50 years today.

No.

We said we would visit the cemetery.

-That's next week.

-No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

No, it's not.

Never mind.

Well, I could take you now.

It's pitch black out there.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

Your father forgot virtually every year.

There goes nothing.

What're you up to?

You know, Sinatra man?

Who?

From old-bags-copping-off-dot-com.

You are funny.

I just sent him a text.

Honest?

Had a look at his profile and it ain't half funny.

Funny weird or...?